blog post

First of all, I'd like to apologize for my inability to maintain a singular timeline. I'll not apologize for my rather strong views and arguments regarding medical advice and health related decisions. I am a very fit young woman. I work hard to stay thin. I am also blessed with a high metabolism. I would appreciate no comments regarding my weight, body style/structure, or overall fitness.


A persons self-image will change every time they look in the mirror. Their self-image is initially defined by their body image.

I am a good person. I do everything I can to help every human I can. If you need help, and I can provide help to you, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will help you. I will go out of my way to help every living soul I can.


I recently bought a mirror, so I can look at my whole self. My grandfather would count my ribs at every family occasion. My grandmother would poke fun at me being conceited. When I was younger, I would love looking at myself in the mirror. I've always been pretty. I've always had that "desired" figure. I'm skinny, and in relatively good shape. I've always liked seeing myself past that, and seeing the inner beauty that is present in my outer beauty.

I've always been told I'm too skinny, I need to put some meat on my bones, I need to eat more. Every time I have an unhealthy snack "you can afford to have another", "go ahead, have more". I've always battled with wondering, "Why don't people just accept me for who I am, in the body I was born with?"

Now, I see myself as the selfless woman who will do anything for anyone. I see a woman who needs to smile more when her picture is taken. I see a woman who has worried far too much over what other people think about her looks.

I'm healthy. I weigh a whopping 105 pounds (47kg 627.20g). I wear a size 0 or 1 pant/dress. Extra small, petite. Shirts are an extra small. Underwear exclusively from Victoria Secret, extra small bottoms and an impossible to find 33" chest, size B bra.
Before I quit smoking, I hadn't surpassed 100 pounds. I was a double-zero petite pant, or a size twelve in girls. I wore a medium girls shirt, or if I were lucky an extra small, petite in the petites department. I don't even remember the size underwear I was wearing at the time, but I do recall that they were too big. I wore a 32" A cup bra. My clothing hung off my body. I looked deathly ill most of the time. I was reminded on a constant basis that I needed to eat more, that I didn't look healthy.

I quit smoking, and gained weight. Suddenly I fit into the pants I owned. I was able to buy clothing in the adult section of the store and not feel ashamed when the clothes didn't fit.


Now, I look in the mirror and I still see imperfections. I see that I could probably do well to gain another five pounds.
I see where my bottom hasn't quite filled out evenly; where my breasts aren't quite the same size, and they don't quite fill out my bra the way I'd like them to. I can still count my ribs, just not all of them. My back arches a bit too much. My arms are nice. My hands are a bit stumpy with average looking fingers. My shoulders are a bit too broad compared to my waist. My legs are lumpy, and my knees seem to bow in and backwards. My feet don't seem to be the right proportion to my legs. I have a wonderful neck. My face is round, and I need to smile more.

Then I see myself with clothes on. I see a beautiful young woman who fills out well. I see someone who has excellent posture. When I smile, I see how it radiates around me, and everything seems brighter.

I could remind myself daily of the things I don't like to see. When I pass by my mirror, I notice the things I like to see. I see that I no longer look like I haven't eaten in days. I see that while my back may be a bit hyper-curved, it makes my butt look amazing. I see that I no longer have a thigh-gap big enough to hold a textbook. I see that the growing definition of my muscles that I've been working to tone. I see that my wider than normal feet have high arches to accommodate my love of being barefoot. I see that my hands are worked in and durable. I see strong shoulders for carrying the weight of the world. I see a small waist that perfectly accents my more elegant clothes. I see a woman who could focus on all of the things society tells me is wrong. I see a woman who doesn't.

My body isn't perfect. No body is. I focus on my strengths. I help others find theirs. I'm an average young woman who does better than average things.


Every person is beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to look a little harder to find the beauty.