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EmZee712

Facade Stageplay - Stereotypical 'ghetto' Black Man #3

EmZee712
Jul 17th, 2014
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  1.  
  2. FACADE STAGEPLAY
  3. Thu Jul 17 01 08 46 2014
  4.  
  5. GRACE
  6. Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
  7.  
  8. TRIP
  9. What, Grace... this?
  10.  
  11. GRACE
  12. Yes, you know how I feel about it --
  13.  
  14. TRIP
  15. I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
  16.  
  17. GRACE
  18. You know I've had to ask you about this several --
  19.  
  20. TRIP
  21. Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
  22.  
  23. KHA
  24. Damn who wants to get high.
  25.  
  26. GRACE
  27. Fine, Trip... fine...
  28.  
  29. (KHA knocks on the front door.)
  30.  
  31. (KHA knocks on the front door.)
  32.  
  33. TRIP
  34. Oh, he's here!
  35.  
  36. GRACE
  37. What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!
  38.  
  39. TRIP
  40. No, he's right on time!
  41.  
  42. GRACE
  43. God... Trip!
  44.  
  45. (Trip opens the front door.)
  46.  
  47. TRIP
  48. Kha!!
  49.  
  50. KHA
  51. Shiet nigga, whatchu doin?????
  52.  
  53. TRIP
  54. Ah I'm so happy you could make it! -- (interrupted)
  55.  
  56. TRIP
  57. Uh...
  58.  
  59. TRIP
  60. Well come on in...
  61.  
  62. TRIP
  63. Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
  64.  
  65. TRIP
  66. (unintelligable arguing)
  67.  
  68. TRIP
  69. (unintelligable arguing)
  70.  
  71. TRIP
  72. (unintelligable arguing)
  73.  
  74. KHA
  75. Gonna spark one up here
  76.  
  77. KHA
  78. Need to get high.
  79.  
  80. (KHA knocks on the front door.)
  81.  
  82. (KHA closes the front door.)
  83.  
  84. GRACE
  85. Kha,
  86.  
  87. GRACE
  88. Hi! How are you? God it's been a while!
  89.  
  90. TRIP
  91. Yeah, it has been a long time.
  92.  
  93. KHA
  94. Got any weed?
  95.  
  96. GRACE
  97. Uh...
  98.  
  99. GRACE
  100. Well, come in, make yourself at -- (interrupted)
  101.  
  102. (KHA comforts grace.)
  103.  
  104. GRACE
  105. H-mmm (happy smile sound)
  106.  
  107. (KHA comforts grace.)
  108.  
  109. GRACE
  110. And, I've got to say, you look really good!
  111.  
  112. (KHA comforts grace.)
  113.  
  114. (KHA comforts grace.)
  115.  
  116. TRIP
  117. Heh heh, -- (interrupted)
  118.  
  119. (KHA comforts grace.)
  120.  
  121. GRACE
  122. Oh, uh, you're hugging me...
  123.  
  124. (KHA comforts grace.)
  125.  
  126. TRIP
  127. Oh, that's nice of you. Grace, aren't you glad we invited -- (interrupted)
  128.  
  129. (KHA comforts grace.)
  130.  
  131. (KHA comforts grace.)
  132.  
  133. GRACE
  134. Oh, that's --oh
  135.  
  136. TRIP
  137. Oh, that's nice Grace, I think a hug was just what you needed. -- (interrupted)
  138.  
  139. (KHA comforts grace.)
  140.  
  141. (KHA hugs grace.)
  142.  
  143. GRACE
  144. (little sigh) (clears throat)
  145.  
  146. GRACE
  147. (little sigh) (clears throat)
  148.  
  149. KHA
  150. So how you doin
  151.  
  152. GRACE
  153. What do you... No, we're fine, everything's fine...
  154.  
  155. GRACE
  156. (clears throat) -- (interrupted)
  157.  
  158. KHA
  159. You lookin' fine.
  160.  
  161. TRIP
  162. So, ten years ago... that's when you introduced us, right?
  163.  
  164. KHA
  165. left.
  166.  
  167. TRIP
  168. Um, well, without you, we wouldn't even have this celebration.
  169.  
  170. TRIP
  171. Well, we're all friends here, uh...
  172.  
  173. TRIP
  174. Oh, Kha, you've got to take a look at this amazing photo from our recent trip to Italy... -- (interrupted)
  175.  
  176. KHA
  177. break open the E and J.
  178.  
  179. TRIP
  180. Well -- um, you'll love this incredible Italy photo!
  181.  
  182. GRACE
  183. Kha, -- (interrupted)
  184.  
  185. (KHA comforts trip.)
  186.  
  187. TRIP
  188. Oh, uh, you're hugging me...
  189.  
  190. (KHA comforts trip.)
  191.  
  192. GRACE
  193. That's kind of you, I'm sure Trip's happy to get that. -- (interrupted)
  194.  
  195. (KHA comforts trip.)
  196.  
  197. TRIP
  198. Oh, ha ha, I --
  199.  
  200. GRACE
  201. Oh, well... you seem to remember how much Trip likes getting attention. -- (interrupted)
  202.  
  203. TRIP
  204. Now now, now, Kha, what does this picture make you think of?
  205.  
  206. GRACE
  207. Oh, please, Trip, don't put our friend on -- (interrupted)
  208.  
  209. KHA
  210. Did you see lotta biddies in Italy?
  211.  
  212. TRIP
  213. Well, the thing is, you see, this trip to Italy... it was our second honeymoon!
  214.  
  215. GRACE
  216. What? Trip is totally exaggerating... it was just a weekend getaway, that's all.
  217.  
  218. TRIP
  219. So in a word, this says... -- (interrupted)
  220.  
  221. KHA
  222. Yo all I see are just some splotche
  223.  
  224. TRIP
  225. Y -- yeah, uh, our second honeymoon picture says...
  226.  
  227. KHA
  228. Where the honeys at?
  229.  
  230. TRIP
  231. Romance! It, it -- it says... romance...!
  232.  
  233. GRACE
  234. (little sigh) Kha, I liked your -- (interrupted)
  235.  
  236. KHA
  237. Bo shiet.
  238.  
  239. TRIP
  240. Uh, it's, uh, it's -- romance!
  241.  
  242. TRIP
  243. Well look I won't bother you two with this anymore...
  244.  
  245. KHA
  246. Alright there Casanova.
  247.  
  248. TRIP
  249. Y -- y - yeah, oh, uh, never mind...
  250.  
  251. TRIP
  252. Okay, well, you and I are getting along better tonight than I first thought, heh heh!
  253.  
  254. (KHA picks up the advice ball.)
  255.  
  256. (The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")
  257.  
  258. TRIP
  259. (little sigh) -- (interrupted)
  260.  
  261. KHA
  262. Whatever you say, Trip.
  263.  
  264. GRACE
  265. W -- wait, wait, what's wrong, Trip?
  266.  
  267. GRACE
  268. Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --
  269.  
  270. TRIP
  271. Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing.
  272.  
  273. TRIP
  274. We're not. -- (interrupted)
  275.  
  276. KHA
  277. Someone don't know shit.
  278.  
  279. TRIP
  280. You don't agree? uh... okay, well...
  281.  
  282. GRACE
  283. You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and redecorate,
  284.  
  285. GRACE
  286. and -- and it's true, I kind of enjoy it but...
  287.  
  288. TRIP
  289. Well, yeah, it's great, everybody loves it when they -- (interrupted)
  290.  
  291. KHA
  292. Sounds like a bitch's problem.
  293.  
  294. TRIP
  295. Well, you have to appreciate how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace can find the time to redecorate --
  296.  
  297. GRACE
  298. I want to throw it all out, get rid of everything, and throw paint all over the walls...
  299.  
  300. TRIP
  301. (annoyed sigh)
  302.  
  303. KHA
  304. The shit, you two morphin!
  305.  
  306. TRIP
  307. No no, no no, see, Grace loves expensive furniture, she...
  308.  
  309. TRIP
  310. grew up in this really nice house, with really nice couches and fancy dishes, and, and she can't live without this stuff.
  311.  
  312. KHA
  313. Keep tellin yo-self that, nig.
  314.  
  315. TRIP
  316. Ah, yeah, Kha, I knew you'd like it. -- (interrupted)
  317.  
  318. TRIP
  319. See Grace you don't realize how good this all looks -- and, and how good you look!
  320.  
  321. GRACE
  322. (annoyed sigh)
  323.  
  324. GRACE
  325. So, about my decorating...
  326.  
  327. GRACE
  328. At work I waste all day designing ads for stylish objects, like this couch, -- (interrupted)
  329.  
  330. TRIP
  331. Oh that -- oh, that's just a little joke advice giver toy thing that I like to consult now and then...
  332.  
  333. TRIP
  334. when I need a little guidance. Ha ha.
  335.  
  336. GRACE
  337. His mother gave that to him.
  338.  
  339. TRIP
  340. Stocking stuffer.
  341.  
  342. TRIP
  343. (clears throat)
  344.  
  345. GRACE
  346. (little sigh) So I just had to have this couch... -- (interrupted)
  347.  
  348. KHA
  349. I'll stuff your stocking.
  350.  
  351. GRACE
  352. That's funny, Kha, I'd guess you were flirting with me, heh.
  353.  
  354. TRIP
  355. Heh, alright, alright, break it up, break it up. -- (interrupted)
  356.  
  357. KHA
  358. Whatever you say, woman.
  359.  
  360. GRACE
  361. (annoyed sigh) I bet I can return most of this, and start over again on this room...
  362.  
  363. GRACE
  364. (frustrated sigh)
  365.  
  366. KHA
  367. Start over with yo life.
  368.  
  369. TRIP
  370. Grace, everything's fine! No one is complaining about your decorating --
  371.  
  372. GRACE
  373. No, decorating is just --
  374.  
  375. GRACE
  376. (frustrated sigh)
  377.  
  378. GRACE
  379. There must be some way I could -- (interrupted)
  380.  
  381. KHA
  382. Damn you two are trippin.
  383.  
  384. TRIP
  385. Kha, uhh, see, Grace, nothing's wrong, everything's fine!
  386.  
  387. GRACE
  388. I don't know what to think. I don't know.
  389.  
  390. TRIP
  391. You're good at decorating, trust yourself.
  392.  
  393. TRIP
  394. Ah, Kha, what we really need here...
  395.  
  396. KHA
  397. You white people and your...
  398.  
  399. TRIP
  400. are some -- (interrupted)
  401.  
  402. TRIP
  403. Uh, well, um, we need drinks!
  404.  
  405. KHA
  406. white problems.
  407.  
  408. TRIP
  409. Ah I know... -- (interrupted)
  410.  
  411. TRIP
  412. N -- no, no, heh, I'm going to open an exquisite Bordeaux!
  413.  
  414. TRIP
  415. Top of the line, very rare, very difficult to acquire --
  416.  
  417. GRACE
  418. God Trip, you are such a wine snob. Just like my dad.
  419.  
  420. TRIP
  421. I'll take that as a compliment. Kha, what do -- (interrupted)
  422.  
  423. KHA
  424. Crackers.
  425.  
  426. TRIP
  427. No no I really think we should have this wine, trust me, trust me!
  428.  
  429. GRACE
  430. Kha, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?
  431.  
  432. TRIP
  433. Oh come on...
  434.  
  435. KHA
  436. Nah cracka.
  437.  
  438. TRIP
  439. Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!
  440.  
  441. GRACE
  442. (frustrated sigh)
  443.  
  444. TRIP
  445. I've been dying to try this Bordeaux for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity --
  446.  
  447. KHA
  448. Hell nah nigga.
  449.  
  450. GRACE
  451. That's not our anniversary wine is it?
  452.  
  453. GRACE
  454. That's not the Bordeaux we saved from our wedding, that we were going to drink on our tenth wedding anniversary, RIGHT?!
  455.  
  456. KHA
  457. Oh shiet nigga.
  458.  
  459. TRIP
  460. Whoops.
  461.  
  462. KHA
  463. SHIET NIGGA SHE KNOW.
  464.  
  465. TRIP
  466. Uhh, you're driving me insane!
  467.  
  468. TRIP
  469. Goddamn anniversary wine...
  470.  
  471. GRACE
  472. What, what are you saying?
  473.  
  474. KHA
  475. QUICK PULL OUT
  476.  
  477. TRIP
  478. Grace, I do one little thing wrong, and you're cold and distant! Just one thing wrong, -- (interrupted)
  479.  
  480. GRACE
  481. Uhh, can you -- can you just...
  482.  
  483. KHA
  484. RUN NIGGA RUN
  485.  
  486. GRACE
  487. (impatient sigh) Kha, I...
  488.  
  489. GRACE
  490. (frustrated sigh)
  491.  
  492. TRIP
  493. Yeah, Kha, yeah...
  494.  
  495. TRIP
  496. I can guess what you're about to say...
  497.  
  498. TRIP
  499. How you keep bringing up my little advice ball, God.
  500.  
  501. KHA
  502. DAYUM SON, SHE IS ON A PILL
  503.  
  504. GRACE
  505. Goddamn second honeymoon...
  506.  
  507. GRACE
  508. Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!
  509.  
  510. TRIP
  511. Oh, Christ...!
  512.  
  513. (KHA shakes the advice ball.)
  514.  
  515. TRIP
  516. Goddamn manipulation...
  517.  
  518. (The advice ball reads, "Why Not")
  519.  
  520. TRIP
  521. Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that?
  522.  
  523. GRACE
  524. Oh, yeah, yeah, right!
  525.  
  526. KHA
  527. YO BALL JUST SAID WHY NOT
  528.  
  529. TRIP
  530. Can't we just do that?
  531.  
  532. KHA
  533. WHY NOT FUCK HER IN THE BUT
  534.  
  535. TRIP
  536. Okay, you know what, Kha,
  537.  
  538. TRIP
  539. I'm going to ask you something.
  540.  
  541. GRACE
  542. Trip --
  543.  
  544. TRIP
  545. Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
  546.  
  547. KHA
  548. ALRIGHT
  549.  
  550. TRIP
  551. Kha, yes or no...
  552.  
  553. TRIP
  554. Shouldn't both people in a marriage _want_ the same things? -- (interrupted)
  555.  
  556. KHA
  557. NIGGA THE FUCK
  558.  
  559. TRIP
  560. Look, don't bother answering, I don't need to hear it!
  561.  
  562. TRIP
  563. Uhh, Grace, you think that if I hadn't 'convinced you' not go into art, that you'd be totally happy! The truth is, I saved you from that goddammit!
  564.  
  565. GRACE
  566. Oh, don't even...!
  567.  
  568. GRACE
  569. Uhh! Yeah, good, get out of my sight!
  570.  
  571. GRACE
  572. I can't take you anymore!
  573.  
  574. KHA
  575. WHERE YOU GOIN, BITCH
  576.  
  577. GRACE
  578. Dammit, Trip!
  579.  
  580. GRACE
  581. uhh!
  582.  
  583. KHA
  584. YO GRACE, YOU KNOW YOU FINE
  585.  
  586. GRACE
  587. Oh... Kha, that's...
  588.  
  589. KHA
  590. RIGHT???
  591.  
  592. TRIP
  593. Grace, are you talking about me?
  594.  
  595. GRACE
  596. What do you care?
  597.  
  598. GRACE
  599. Kha, I -- I'm sorry... this is a disaster...
  600.  
  601. KHA
  602. STEP OFF NIGGA.
  603.  
  604. GRACE
  605. Kha, in -- in what you said before, about wanting things... I think we've already learned something about Trip. -- (interrupted)
  606.  
  607. TRIP
  608. Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?
  609.  
  610. KHA
  611. I WANT DAT ASS BITCH.
  612.  
  613. TRIP
  614. Oh Jesus, look, I'm not going to talk about sex...
  615.  
  616. GRACE
  617. (frustrated sigh)
  618.  
  619. TRIP
  620. Or our lack thereof...
  621.  
  622. GRACE
  623. Uhh...
  624.  
  625. KHA
  626. YO YOU MAD HOMIE???
  627.  
  628. GRACE
  629. Look, I'm sorry, sex is... it's really just more trouble than it's worth.
  630.  
  631. TRIP
  632. What?
  633.  
  634. GRACE
  635. It makes people unhappy, it does!
  636.  
  637. TRIP
  638. Oh God, this is so depressing...!
  639.  
  640. KHA
  641. IT MAKES MY DICK HAPPY.
  642.  
  643. TRIP
  644. Oh God... this is so frigging insane... uhh...
  645.  
  646. TRIP
  647. Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this...
  648.  
  649. KHA
  650. DAMN YA'LL NIGGAS ARE SHIT
  651.  
  652. GRACE
  653. Let's keep our focus on Trip.
  654.  
  655. GRACE
  656. Kha, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --
  657.  
  658. TRIP
  659. Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --
  660.  
  661. GRACE
  662. Admits that our marriage is not --
  663.  
  664. TRIP
  665. Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)
  666.  
  667. KHA
  668. YO, GET IT ON.
  669.  
  670. KHA
  671. FUCK FOR ME.
  672.  
  673. GRACE
  674. Uhh...! God...!
  675.  
  676. KHA
  677. I WANNA MAKE A PORNO.
  678.  
  679. TRIP
  680. No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.
  681.  
  682. GRACE
  683. Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!
  684.  
  685. KHA
  686. NIGGA PORN INVOLVES BOTH
  687.  
  688. TRIP
  689. See, I'm the one trying to reach out to you, Grace...
  690.  
  691. GRACE
  692. Uhh... -- (interrupted)
  693.  
  694. TRIP
  695. Kha, what is it, is there something about me?
  696.  
  697. KHA
  698. damn ya'll are some dumb niggas
  699.  
  700. TRIP
  701. Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.
  702.  
  703. TRIP
  704. You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...
  705.  
  706. KHA
  707. I JUST WANNA SEE SOME ACTIO
  708.  
  709. TRIP
  710. Kha, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!
  711.  
  712. KHA
  713. I DON'T SEE THAT NOW
  714.  
  715. GRACE
  716. No?
  717.  
  718. GRACE
  719. Uhh...
  720.  
  721. KHA
  722. FUCK HER IN THE BUTT
  723.  
  724. TRIP
  725. It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?
  726.  
  727. GRACE
  728. Trip...
  729.  
  730. TRIP
  731. Like I always have to convince you?
  732.  
  733. GRACE
  734. Kha, you know, we... uhh...
  735.  
  736. KHA
  737. SHE DON'T WANT A CUM SHOT
  738.  
  739. TRIP
  740. Okay, Kha, you know what? I think you should leave.
  741.  
  742. TRIP
  743. We invited you over, but this is just not working out.
  744.  
  745. KHA
  746. THE SHIET
  747.  
  748. (Trip opens the front door.)
  749.  
  750. TRIP
  751. We'll be fine -- you just have to go.
  752.  
  753. (Trip closes the front door.)
  754.  
  755. KHA
  756. FUCK YO BITCH ASS
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