The emotional abuse from him started early on, and there were definitely signs that I should've tried to end it a long time ago, but I was already in too deep and cared too much about him. At first I couldn't tell when he was manic/depressed. During his manic episodes, he varies from happy, nice, and productive, to mean, angry, and obsessive.
He has a fear/suspicion that I'm always lying and that I'm cheating on him and talking to other guys behind his back. None of this is true and i've had to reassure him of this, and basically convince him enough until he calms down, for a year now. These suspicions seem to stem from insecurities. He's done some pretty crazy things/made threats to do crazy things due to this fear that he has. He gets unreasonably angry if i hang out with friends that he doesn't like because he thinks they're all "boy crazy" or sluts. He also doesn't "let me" go out or do normal things, and i'm in college.
Despite constantly being accused of cheating, lying, and being "fake", i've stayed with him. I know he doesn't mean the things he says when he's mad and insulting me; he says he feels like he has no control in these moments. It still really hurts. I'm trying my best for him because i care about him so much, but it's gotten to a point where i feel like i can't take it anymore. He's said the nastiest, meanest things to me-things i've never heard from anyone-and it leaves me feeling so sad and worthless.
When i've tried to leave him in the past, it begins to seem impossible, until i just give up and give him another chance. He calls me nonstop, apologizing, making promises, etc. I recently told him that unless he gets help (therapy/meds if needed) that i wouldn't see him anymore. He stopped going to therapy in January and his psychologist had suggested a medication but he refused and stopped going. He still refuses to go and I haven't seen him in 2 months. We still talk, and I've still been trying to convince him to go back to therapy.
These past few days, he's been at a really low point. He's barely left his room or eaten. This is the first time he's actually admitted to be having a period of depression. He asked to see me and I agreed. When i told him i would have to see him later because my roommate has a birthday dinner, he told me to fuck off. I want to help him and i'm so worried about him. I sent him so many messages explaining how i can still see him and i don't mind it being late and that i'm trying to accommodate for him, and he ignored them all. Today i asked him if he was okay and he didn't answer either. i don't know what to do. I was trying to end it before, thinking it would be the best thing for me, even though i still love him. but now i'm too worried and scared for him and i care about him so much and just want him to be ok. I don't even know why i'm posting all of this. it's been helping me to read around this sub and see that i'm not the only person going through this. i guess i want to know if i should give up, and let this relationship go, or keep trying for his sake?