Karkat and Meenah were standing right in front of Her Imperious Condescension. They were both standing right in front of her, shaking, and trying to come up with an excuse as to why they were in ethnic Italian clothing, and oiled up from head to toe. How'd it all come to this? they wondered to themselves. It all begun with Dave - Dave met this guy, no one knows where, he didn't seem like a bad guy, tall, nice mustache, kinda shy, but got shit done. However Dave came to learn that this new friend of his knew somebody (their relationship was kinda weird and also included the guy's older brother) who had been intimate with Lord English. Very intimate; it seemed like they both shared a lot of interests. And he had told some sort of secret to this guy. And so our brave knight decided, he had to get that stuff of him, no matter what. It all began with small stuff: a shroom dinner here, hooking up some friend with a turtle there, and then they were walking in the park holding hands like a pair of fagmasters. The knight had succeeded in his mission. Soon they were officially a couple, and Dave had told nobody this was actually a ruse to get the Italian to spit out what he knew about the demon. Nobody except Karkat. Why the fuck he had only trusted in Karkat? No one knows. The thing is, the final battle was getting closer, and the Italian hadn't spitted shit. So Dave had an idea - Karkat would fuck with the guy, spread any kind of rumor you can imagine about the poor faggot, then actually start harassing him, until getting to torture him, to make him spit it out. But not from the torture. No, he was supposed to tell Dave, the only person in the world who by then the Italian would have come to trust.

- So you ever get with that guy, the shorts one?
- What? Are you serious?
- What? I thought you liked him.
- I thought so too, I would have kept on liking him, had what happened on Thedus not happened.
- Happened what? Where?
- It doesn't matter.
- Oh come on! You can't just leave me hanging now!
- Remember the horse guy, not our horse guy, the other one.
- The one who died by gettin choked by the crazy clown.
- Yes. It was like that.
- Oh. I had no idea.
- He enjoyed every second of it. And that's not all, he didn't die from the choking! It was the pregnancy that killed him, and he enjoyed that even more! Can you believe it?
- Hahahahahahahaha!
- It's not funny!
- Yes, it is!
- Sigh. Whatever. What about your romantic life princess, you ever get with that guy, the nubby one?
- Um...
- You still haven't come out to him, haven't you.
- I will! I even prepared a blowwhole lotta fish puns to hit on him and ask him on a date.
- Puns? Seriously, Meenah. Are you eve--

Aranea was suddenly interrupted by an agitated Karkat, who had slammed the door open then slammed it back close in a blink. They noticed he was covered in blood - cherry red blood. It wasn't his though, mostly. Aside some nail scratch and bite marks, Karkat seemed mostly fine, although freaking the fuck out. They also noticed the bloodied crowbar he had with him, that gave them a clue as to where the blood came from.

- Karkat are you o--
- Meenah! Oh fucking God, thanks! I need help! Now!
- What the fuck happened?! What d'you do?!
- That doesn't matter! Do you know someone who can dispose of a body?!
- I, uh...
- DO YOU?!
- I know someone - said Aranea.
- Who is it?! Where can I find them?!
- It's Meenah's ancestor...descendant...whatever! She'll gladly take care of a body.

All good now. Everything was fine. More than fine. Now Meenah had a chance! Now Karkat could stop lying and keeping Strider's stupid secret! It was great! Yes, everything was great... until they happened to find him - the Italian's older brother. Did he know? Was he coming for them? He didn't seem like he was angry, he seemed happy, almost happy to see them. Karkat, though, wasn't taking any chances. First chance they got, they jumped the fucker. Now it was two bodies to dispose of. He hoped the whale wouldn't care, she had big enough of an appetite. And she didn't! Fef was more than pleased to have Italian that night. Now they had some time alone. On Aranea's request Meenah had dropped the fish puns for once, and was going to gladly tell Karkat she would happily drop her long pants for him. But destiny works in mysterious ways. Remember the oil? This is the explanation for that. They met the other guy - the one that was supposed to be close to English. Big guy, scary face, scaly body and tails, horns, and don't forget the fire breath. He knew everything. He had made Dave talk. And now he seemed pissed. But he had a proposal for them - since they had killed his boyfriends, they would have to take their places. Sure, he wasn't into girls but he admitted Meenah looked enough like one for him to not be displeased with oil wrestling her.

And that's how we return to where we started. They had to think fast, very fast, Meenah's alternate self wasn't one for patience and making ridicule with her one idol wasn't something Meenah wanted. And then she had an idea - why even make anything up? Why lie when truth can be stranger than fiction sometimes? Just leave out the stupid parts, and you are more than fine. So she did, and the Batterwitch was more than pleased with their little story.

- And this guy, this guys here, Misses Crocker - she said pointing at Karkat - this guy wrestled a fuckin dragon!

And that's how Meenah and Karkat's first date went like.