Norse in Equestria 4

>You are a sleeping Viking, dreaming dreams of being drunk and being manly.
>You wake up under the same tree you fell asleep under, your bare chest boasting some frost on your chest hair.
>Many fucks were given.
>Because it looked badass.
>You grab your bearskin cloak and toss it about your shoulders.
>Your axe in your hand, the birds singing, and the sun rising, you do the only logical thing.
"BRRRRUUUUUUUUPT!"
>The tree comically shakes from the force of your flatulence.
>Your gasseus attack quickly melts the ice on your chest.
>Oh shit Nubian, what have you done?
>Get out of here like some Huns out of Antonia
>You have a few hours before the rodeo, unfortunately, this is not enough to properly prepare.
>The drink here was too weak.
>It took you all day to get somewhat buzzed on the weak, but delicious, drink that was available.
>But Tyr’s Sword were you hungry.
>That settles it:
>Time to go commit murderization in the Everfree.
“BEWARE, BEASTS!”
>You thump your chest with your axe
“ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUSSON COME FOR YOU!”
"BRRRRUUUUUUUUPT!"
>Fjord’s Winds propel you forwards with great haste.
>You run through the forest, your axe swinging by your hip wildly as you crash through the under-brush.
>The animals here, the predators atleast, were sure to be a good challenge.
>And hopefully would be infinitely easier to eat than Timberwolves.
>Oh speak of the Jotun, TIMBERWOLVES.
>Fuck this shit, let’s see them stop Two-hundred fourty pounds of angry Norse.
>You wreck their shit like a rocket powered glacier.
>They scramble away, and you leave the cowardous curs to run.
>True warriors never back down.
>After what feels like a good hour, you find something.
>A small cave, littered with bones all across the ground.
>You draw your axe, and smile.
>This would be a glorious-
>You spy a little bunny.
>Before you, gnawing upon the bones, is a little bunny.
>Your heart sinks, and your grip on your axe slips.
>What glory would there be in slaying a little bunny rabit?
>You shake your head and wander off, preparing to hunt slowly.
>This was going to be a long morning…

>After exactly three and a half hours, you are dragging a headless, gutted boar out of the Everfree.
>You’re covered in scratches.
>You’re pissed off as fuck.
>You’re hungry as Thor.
>You were going to eat some Aesir-Damned Bacon, and to Nieflhiem with anyone who tried to stop you.
>You drop the head at the foot of your tree, and toss the body down.
>Now you had to make a cooking fire.
>This shit was getting really tiring, really fast.
>You don’t even care about the damned Rodeo anymore, you just want some delicious Bacon.

>You hear hooves approaching.
>You pull away from the sizzling bacon drapped over your basic camp fire and look up at Mjolna.
>She looks at the boar, then looks at you.
>”… I see you’re a Predator.”
>You nod, before swallowing bite of ham you were chewing on.
”Want some?”
>The pony shakes her head.
>”I’ll pass. Might wanna keep this under wraps. You stay out here all night?”
>You nod
>”Huh, we’ll have to fix that. Anyways, ready for the Rodeo?”
>You turn back to your bacon and take it off the fire.
“Ready… Doesn’t even begin..”
>You stuff the last of the bacon in your mouth, chewing it quickly.
“TO DESCRIBE IT!”
>With a deep roar, Mjolna and you take off towards Ponyville, where Applejack was going to meet the two of you.
>It was time to seriously fuck shit up.


“APPLEJAAAAACK!”
>”Yeesh, Anon, ah’m right here. No need ta be so loud.”
>Whoops.
”This is NOT a proper battle!”
>You’re looking at the ring, which reminds you too closely of those vile Roman coliseums.
>”S’not s’posed to be one. It’s a Rodeo, ah told ya already.”
>Mjolna is smiling at you and your incoherent rage.
>Fine.
>Cool.
>You can be only excessively angry.
>No need to burst into-
>They bring in bulls
>”Looks like that thar biggun is gonna be yours.”
>You smile.
>You hadn’t had beef in a long time.
”So, when do we eat?”
>Mjolna understands your undertones, and eyes Applejack wearily.
>”After the show. First ya gotta wrangle up your bull, then we can eat the cake.”
>Wait, cake?
>You mean…
>Your rage boils up and over, and you are rather sure you’re on fire right now.