You are Teehee Glitterbee, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have
 a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at
 the ruin you've been looking for. You look around and see that it's indeed a
 ruined city. The walls surrounding it are crumbling away, revealing the streets
 below.
The city is called Nuro. It was once an important trading center, but its population
 has dwindled to nothing
> Say 'Oh, I do wish I had talking fruit friends.'

"Oh, you do wish you had talking fruit friends?" Teehee asks. "I'm sorry, I don't
 think they're here".
"They'll be back soon," you promise.

> Say 'What can a man do in this lonely world without fruit that can talk or sing?'

Teehee looks up from her book and smiles. She puts down her book and walks over
 to you.
"Are you a wizard?" she asks.
> Summon a grapefruit

A grapefruit appears out of thin air. It's skin is red with juice running through
 it. It looks very tasty.
"That was delicious!" Teehee says.
> Say 'That grapefruit was my friend and you have just eaten him.'

Teehee looks at the grapefruit and then back at you.
"Yes, he was my friend".
> Say 'Murderer!'

"No, no, no... I didn't mean..". Teehee begins to cry.
"It's okay, Teehee", you reassure her.
> Summon an army of kumquats

Kumquats appear out of nowhere. They look like little green grapes.
> Say 'Kumquats, take this woman away. She must pay for her treason and smell!'

The kumquat takes a step forward and Teehee turns around and runs off. The kumquat
 quickly follows after her.
> Say 'After her! She must not escape with her hair!'

You run after Teehee who has now turned into a kumquat. The kumquat leaps onto
 you and you both roll on the ground. You both begin to laugh.
> Say 'I summon forth the wisdom of the mountain to cone before us in heroic vengeance!'

Suddenly, the mountain appears above you. It's face is carved with a smiley face.
> Say 'Oh great mountain, cut off her feet!'

The mountain smashes Teehee into pieces. Her body falls down the hill.
> Start a campfire

You light a fire and sit by it. A small fire burns. Suddenly, a cloud of smoke
 rises up. You turn around and see a mushroom cloud forming above you.
> Make s'mores

You grab a handful of peanuts and throw them at the fire. The fire catches the
 peanuts and makes a mess of them. You eat some of them.
> Summon Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay appears next to you. He grabs a piece of bread and eats it. Then
 he grabs another one and eats it. Finally, he grabs a third one and eats it.
> Say 'Praytell, Gordon, what thinkest thou of mine bread?'

Gordon Ramsay stares at you and shakes his head.
> Give Gordon Ramsay a sentient kumquat

Gordon Ramsay grins at you. He reaches out his hand and touches your forehead.
> Bite his finger

Your finger goes numb. You bite it.
> Soar into the sky

You fly upwards.
> Dive bomb a kumquat

You dive bomb a kumquat.
> Say 'I am glad that today is the day I dive bomb a kumquat in front of Gordon Ramsay.'

You hear a loud explosion.
> Sing to the moon

You sing to the moon.
> Fly to the moon and play among the stars

You fly towards the moon and play amongst the stars.
> Beckon to Gordon Ramsay

You beckon to Gordon Ramsay
> Say 'Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?'

Carmen Sandiego appears from behind you. She smiles.
> Say 'Hello, Carmen. It has been some time since last we saw each other in Rio. What has become of our love long lost?'

Carmen Sandiego looks at you and laughs.
> Say 'Would you mock me in my pain? What of our child?'

Carmen Sandiego looks at you and smiles.
> Say 'What have you done with our daughter?'
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 prevent that.
> Frown at Carmen Sandiego

You frown at Carmen Sandiego.
> Say 'Carmen, have you hurt our daughter?'

Carmen Sandiego looks at you and smiles.
> I beckon Gordon Ramsay to my side

You beckon Gordon Ramsay to your side.
> Say 'Gordon, strike down this witch who has eaten my child!'

Gordon Ramsay strikes you down.
> Say 'Et tu, Brute?'

You laugh.
> Say 'Gordon, Carmen, what have you done to me? You have cast my soul into darkness!'

You look at Carmen Sandiego and then back at Gordon Ramsay.
> I summon the might of Beelzebub and trap their souls in my toenail

You draw a circle around you and hold up your middle finger.
> Say 'Now you will smell my feet for all eternity.'

You call upon the power of Beelzebub and they enter your toenails.
> I stomp on the ground

You stomp on the ground.
> Say 'Gordon, Carmen, prisoners in my toenail. Despair for you destiny is toe cheese!'

You step on the toes of Carmen Sandiego's shoes.
> Stare into the sunset

You gaze into the sunset.
> Say 'My journey is done and my life is at an end. I weep for my daughter and forever mourn what could have been.'

You walk away.
> Die alone

You die alone
YOU DIED. GAME OVER