Twilight(male) x Anon

I'm aware that r63 Twilight Sparkle is called Dusk Shine, but I find the idea of a dude named Twilight Sparkle cute. No other ponies have been sex swapped for this fic.

@#!
=====
>"Hey Anon, you're looking pretty cheery, something nice happen?  ʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉᵉ"
>As usual, you've run into Twilight at the market.
>It's crazy how often this coincidence takes place, even though you don't go to market on a particularly regular schedule you always see him there.
`He must go multiple times a week, and I just happen to go on the days he also goes. I guess spell stuff needs lots of ingredients.`
"Yeah actually, I just got a new job; The Canterlot Sun wants me to be a staff travel journalist. Fuckin' crazy, who ever even heard of a /staff/ travel journalist? They just sent me a letter last week that they saw some of my stuff and want me to write for them."
>Twilight perks up with a cute smile.
>"Ha, wow, that's pretty lucky Anon, I'm glad my plannneerrraaohwww, uh, I mean, uhh, I meeeeaan"
>Twilight struggles to orient himself, fumbling with word fragments and filler sounds.
>While his tongue scrambles he anchors his eyes to yours, as though using them to actually look at anything would divert his last bit of brain-electricity away from his speaking capabilities.
>"What I meant was-- er wait no, What I meant to //say// was um... Tha-That-That's is--"
>Twilight forces a hard gulp down his throat.
>"That's lucky."
>He still hasn't broken eye contact.
>Once he registers coherent verbal communication that sounds like his voice, his face flips from desperate panic to beaming satisfaction, clearly proud of himself.
>Twilight's face is the picture of glee.
>You can't help but be amused.
>An absentminded second passes.
>You looking at him, small smile.
>Him looking at you, big smile.
>And then a shadow of horror draws across him.
>"Oh! Nonono! Not lucky like, as in that you don't deserve it, or that you, y'know, you needed luck to get it or something like that, I mean it like uh, that's good for you. It's a-- like, G--uh, Goo-Good. Good job."
>He looks at you with the most awkward smile you've seen yet.
`Hard work bein' a braino.`

>You silently half-chuckle at your own thought.
>Twilight notices your amusement.
>You don't know if he thinks you're laughing at him, with him, or something else, but for whatever reason he relaxes again.
>"Hehe, ya I mean, if you think about it, the lucky one's them, right? Like, who wouldn't want you working for them, amIright?"
"Ha, yeah I-- wait what?"
>deer:headlights:driver::Twilight:that shit he just said:Anon.
>The world has become stone.
>Moving one single body part at a time, starting with his eyes and ending with his neck, Twilight hangs his head.
>An awkward moment passes as you try to decipher the appropriate response.
`...Should I... ...thank him?`
>Before your thoughts resolve, he speaks, but without looking back up.
>"So uh, are you gonna take it?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, definitely, it sounds rad."
>Twilight pauses.
>You can't see his face, it's covered by his bangs.
>A shiver runs through him, and then he clenches: whole body tense.
>"... That means.. you're leaving?"
"Well, unless I plan on making everything up, yeah."
>"...Oh."
>More silence.
>One more shiver.
"Well uh, I should go. Trips to plan and all that."
>Twilight answers in a small voice.
>"Y-Yeah." *sniff* "Yeah you should go. ...I uh, I actually gotta go too, anyway. Lett-- uh--" *sniff* "Letter stuff."
>Twilight teleports away with a crackle and a pop, leaving behind the signature ethereal smell of magic, and a gentle gust from air filling the void tussles your hair.
`That was weird.`

=====

>"Stupid, Stupid STUPID bucking idiots!"
>You smash the woven shopping basket against your bedroom wall with all your bookish strength.
>The handle snaps off, basket contents scatter through the air.
>Fat tears stream down your face, matting your fur.
>They collect on the tip of your chin before falling to the floor.
>You didn't think they'd give him a job traveling!
>"Celestia Bucking DAMNED IDIOTS!!"
>You stomp over to your bed, falling onto it face first.
>An angry exhale before you begin thrashing, slamming your hooves into the mattress with all your strength.
>`I'll lose Anon forever!`
>`Forever!!`
>Your mind feels like the sound of shrieks.
>The shrieks of the murderer, and the shrieks of his victim.
>Instinct decides that aimless violence should transition into directional fury, so you crawl over to a pillow and bite it as hard as you can.
>Your jaw fills with that compressed teeth feeling.
>It hurts.
>`He'll meet some DUMB bucking Saddle Arabian SLUT bitch that'll steal him with her STUPID bucking EXOTIC PUSSY.`
>You grip the pillow with all your strength, pulling it outwards and away from your bite, ripping at it with all the force your forelegs have.
>It hurts.
>Gripping this hard hurts your hooves.
>Biting this hard hurts your teeth.
>`Good.`
>You put all you can into tearing the pillow away from your mouth, and you put all you can into gripping the pillow with your teeth.
>"Bucking cunt! Cunt!! CUUUNT!!!"
>You scream as loud as you can through a mouth stuffed with clenched teeth and fabric.
>Raw red fervor, as though she were here, taking him right before you.
>The fury of your violence actualizes as a feral growl in your throat.
>Ripping fabric: a warning.
>The pillow explodes in a cloud of feathers, decimated.
>With no counter-force, your head swings back with such intensity that a serious pop cracks out in your neck.
>Pain.
>`Good.`
>With nothing to destroy, you take a moment to assess.

>You hold three pieces of cloth that were recently arranged into a pillow.
>A corner in either hoof, most of the front in your mouth.
>Deep, deep breaths in, fast.
>Deep, deep breaths out, fast.
>A tear streaks down your cheek, hanging off your jawline.
>You didn't stop crying.
>As though a crack just split through your soul, all energy leaves you.
>You fall over, onto your side.
>Your mouth tastes like blood.
>Your exhale tastes like blood.
>Your eyes hurt, a throbbing in the back of your head says something's wrong.
>Throbbing like a heart.
>It fills up your skull, there no room for your brain.
>A tight energy runs through your chest: anxiety, but nothing's about to happen.
>A knot is tying in your stomach.
>Pain.
>`Stop.`
>It doesn't.
>Time passes, minutes at least,.
>You didn't move at all.
>Just laid.
>Stared but didn't see.
>On standby.
>`I'm any other stranger.`
>`And he doesn't like stallions.`
>As soon as the sequence enters your mind a wail leaves your mouth.
>It's not even identifiable as something an animal does in response to stimuli.
>Some kind of hoarse, desperate, pitiful sound.
>Its got all of you in it.
>A sound a thing that's run out of sounds makes.
>It morphs into torso wracking sobs.
>They shake you like coughs shake a smoker ready to die.
>You choke on them, gagging.
>They interrupt the breaths you have to take to enable them.
>`Mutinous bastards.`
>You're all hollowed out.
>All that's inside is a withered, brittle black thing.
>You hate everything.
>You hate everyone.
>`Everything is trash.`
>`That's not true.`
>`Everyone else is fine.`
>`It's just you.`
>`Why do you have to be this way?`
>You slowly stop being awake.

=====

`Well that's fukkin' cool`
>You're on board a train passing through the countryside of Labyrinthia.
>It's early morning, you just woke up.
>While getting out of bed you happened to take one little glance out the cabin window, and suddenly
>BAM!
>You're left standing in awe.
>You're also left standing in nudity.
>Because sleeping naked is the premier state of dreamtime dress, of course.
>A magnificent polished bronze aqueduct taller than any skyscraper you've ever seen stands outside your window, running parallel to the train.
>It dominates the landscape, glimmering in the early sunlight.
>But wait, there's more.
>At 2/3rds of the way up the aqueduct, and at every other point that distance relative to you, the color of the aqueduct changes, bright vermilion transforms into an airy magenta in a smooth clean gradient.
>So as the train chugs along parallel to the aqueduct, a great big spot of literally unearthly color trickery accompanies you.
>Looking ahead, you select a fixed spot and watch it morph between hues as it draws near, and then morph again in reverse after it passes by and you leave it behind.
>Also you happened to catch the last bit of the sunrise, so that just makes the whole circumstance that much more magical.
>It's pretty much right around the best thing you've ever goddamn seen.
>The whole color shift thing is being caused by a gas.
>You don't remember the name of the gas of course, a series of longer-than-usual pamphlets you got(stole?) from a table at the train station and a geologist stallion who felt like talking to someone during last night's dinner told you it and taught you a lot about the region.
>You also learned that geology sometimes involves traveling, and that if you're going to be a good travel journalist you should do a lot more research than you thought to do.
>(None)
>You absentmindedly admire the the world while recollecting what you know about the place.

`The Aurochian Depression, a gigantic ass crater, the cultural homeland of the Minotaur, and the majority of land owned by Labyrinthia, is filled with a heavier-than-air gas that's just barely visibly blue.
`As a result it can't be seen in most circumstances, but if there's enough of it in between you and something you're looking at, the something you're looking at will appear to become more blue. The intensity of the effect is relative to the amount of the gas you're looking through.`
>You glance up at the sun and sure enough, it looks a lot more purple than usual.
>Which could technically be literally any amount of purple.
`Said gas also does a bunch of other stuff.`
`For instance it causes the air to leave a very very faint aftertaste in your mouth if you hold it open or talk too much. The taste is something like a vague mixture of after rain smell and cut grass smell.`
`It also makes your skin feel that moist way it does when you're standing in fog, except it'll do that regardless of weather.`
`This causes the temperature to feel lower than it actually is, like wind chill.`
>One of the pamphlets also said that it's good for your lungs, but the geologist pony said that was bullshit.
>He followed that statement up with a glance around the room, afterwards explaining that bull is something of a Minotaur slur.
`Labyrinthia has more cattle farmers than the majority of Equus' countries put together. However, because of they consider the word bull to be offensive, they call a bull a steer, a steer a calf, and a calf a weanlet.`
"Heh heh"

`The origin of bull as a slur dates back to Equus' warring period.`
`Equus as a whole grew out of war and shit like that a really long time ago, back before the Princesses were born, but during the warring period it was commonplace in most Minotaur cultures to call a member of the warrior class a Bull.`
`Also, during the warring period the Aurochian Depression had many medium sized states that associated together in one big but loose union, who all shared the same Minotaur culture but with regional twists.`
`The vast majority of the governments in the Aurochian Depression ended up getting their asses stomped out of existence by a retaliatory war waged from 3 different sides by a Equestrian lead alliance for attempting to invade Gryphonia after they signed a ceasefire so that Gryphonia could wage a separate but previously simultaneous war on another side of their country.`
`They then went through a period of Equestrian occupation after Equestria won the three way war with their previous allies over who gets to occupy the land they just conquered.`
`Labyrinthia came to be during the pacifistic transition, Equestria gave the right of self rule to the Minotaur, but by that point the regional states had been gone for generations, so they just created one big country out of the Aurochian Depression and a nearby mountain range.`
>It sounded really really complicated, and you'd love to learn even more, but that's all the pamphlets had and apparently it isn't common for trains to have a library car.
`I mean good grief, I may as well have walked!`
>You throw your hands into the air in defeat and frustration as you rant in your mind.
`The inhumanity of it all! A library should be a human right! Can't read no history, can't read no fantasy, can't learn nothin! Who in their--`
>"Howdy there stranger"
"EEYAEOWUOP!"
>Good gravy you left the door open!
>And now some husky voiced mare with an accent done seen all your bits!
>And not just any bits, your erected bits!
>Curse the curse of morning wood!

=====

>You didn't die.
>Anon's been gone for 1 week, 1 day, and the better part of 4 hours.
>That enchanted calendar on the wall over there tells you so.
>Not that it's enchanted to measure time relative to Anon's absence, it's that it's enchanted to automatically cross off the dates and flip the pages.
>You know the exact time he left and do the math in your head every once in a while.
>You know the exact time because you saw him off.
>As in you watched him leave.
>Not as in you bid bid him farewell.
>That didn't happen.
>`Because I'm a stranger`
>`And he doesn't like stallions`
>You didn't want to.
>You knew it'd make you feel awful.
>But something made you do it.
>Some kind of ghost, or maybe an echo.
>It walked you down to the train station.
>You remember a period of transition, blurry movement and passing faces, some looking at you.
>Then you stood in the middle of the plaza and watched him.
>You weren't hidden, but he didn't see you.
>`Because I'm a stranger.`
>`And he doesn't like stallions.`
>You watched him pick up some travel guides off an unattended table and look at them.
>He fingered through a few pages, but stopped to looked around, left and right and over either shoulder, unsure of something.
>Then he stole them.
>The ghost laughed.
>Its heart throbbed at how cute he was.
>He walked over to an empty bench against the wall and read for half an hour.
>The ghost thought about how you used to lay against a pillow while you read, pretending it was Anon.
>You don't do that anymore.
>Read that is.
>Recently you mostly just be.
>Sometimes piss.
>And be hungry.
>And thirsty.
>You don't feel like eating though.
>You don't really feel at all.
>Just be.
>And sometimes piss.
>He waited in the line for boarding.
>You watched him check the ticket and the platform a dozen times.
>Glancing down at the ticket, holding it between both hands, and then upwards and to the right, where a little white sign said a number.
>`Cute and goofy`
>Thought the ghost.

>Each step he took towards the train was a bludgeoning against a dead pony.
>The moment his last foot left the ground the ghost grabbed your head and pointed it towards a clock.
>Each of those hands is etched into the back of your eyelids.
>That's how you know how long it's been.
>The sun's going down.
>`Finally.`
>You couldn't find the energy to write Celestia a weekly friendship report.
>Not that you could now.
>You can't find the energy in the same way you can't find Anon.
>You can't find something that's gone.
>`Celestia will be mad that I didn't write.`
>`No she won't`
>`She'll be concerned.`
>She's probably already written you a letter about it.
>You really don't feel like talking to anybody.
>Even if you did, you forgot how.
>They say things and you say things, but you don't really remember what things you're supposed to say.
>You know to answer questions, but what if they don't ask any?
>Lucky for you, you won't have to deal with that because you can just die instead.
>If you just lay here, death will come.
>Bless your lucky stars.
>Knocks at the door.
>`oh no`
>`They'll go away if I don't answer. They have to.`
>You know because this has already happened before.
>You continue not moving.
>More knocks, louder.
>`oh no`
>For some reason you feel like crying.
>You stopped crying a while ago.
>As in days ago.
>And as in your body just didn't cry anymore.
>It just didn't.
>The crashing of glass cuts through the air.
>`Well. Here it comes.`
>You try to muster up a feeling beyond that sobby one but no dice.
>You listen to the plodding of hooves on your foyer floor.
>They don't come closer or further, but they also don't stop.
>`It must be a burglar, looking for things to steal.`
>`What a dumb jackass. It's a library, what's he gonna find?`
>`Maybe an early reader book about killing himself he can sound his way through.`

>The bedroom door creaks open.
>`buck`
>You got caught up in bitter thoughts and forgot to listen.
>You don't move.
>You don't want to.
>But make no mistake, it's not a decision you have control over.
>`Whoever it is can buck themselves.`
>"Twili--" *sob* "T-Twilight?..."
>Ragged breaths huff through the air.
>You don't want to be alive.
>That shaky voice is Pinkie Pie.
>She's behind you, somewhere near the door.
>Trying her best not to break down.
>`Why is she here?`
>`Because she cares about you for some reason you idiot.`
>Pinkie's ragged breathing gets faster and heavier.
>"Ohhh no--" *sob* *hic* "oh no oh no oh noo... Twilight?"
>She steps towards the bed, but then hesitates, letting out a whine.
>Like the kind a dog makes.
>You have an inkling of a feeling to do something.
>`I can't.`
>"Wha-... What do I do? What am I suppos--" *sob* *sob* "What am... How do I... oh no..."
>She's panicking.
>Hoofsteps.
>They get more frantic as time passes.
>She comes towards you, but then stops.
>She turns left, then right, then towards you, then all the way around and sprints towards the door.
>"Wait no!"
>She turns back around and runs to the foot of your bed.
>The blanket flies off, exposing your hindlegs and the bit of your barrel it covered.
>Pinkie dashes around to the side, near the back of your head, and half-climbs on, slightly over you.
>You feel her breath.
>A tear hits your cheek.
>She puts a hoof over your jugular.
>You instinctively curl up.
>"Twi- TWILIGHT!"
>You curl further up at the sound of her screaming, your face twisting into a grimace.
>"Twilight are you ok!?! What happened?! Are you sick?! Twilight!!"
>You just want her to go away.
>`Go be happy and I'll just die.`
>She shakes you.
>You cover your eyes.
>She shakes you harder, crying harder.
>Occasionally your name, or just a bit of it, will seep out of her mouth.
>She rolls you over.
>It's the most movement you've made all day.
>She grabs your hooves and tears them away from your eyes.

>You don't have even half the strength to resist.
>Pinkie's face is literally the worst it's ever been.
>Her eyes are bloodshot beyond belief, snot running down her face, and a look that says 'terror and despair' marks her face.
>The both of you spend some moments appreciating what shit the other looks like.
>She's the one who breaks the silence, of course.
>With a sad, sad little voice.
>"What... Wh-what are you doing?"
>It turns out that your body didn't stop crying days ago.
>Your tears were actually being stored, saved up.
>You know this because they all just got cashed out right now.

=====

>You spin on a dime, mind racing and eyes scanning for something large enough to cover your penis.
>Finding absolutely nothing.
`heh, just a part of being me`
>In reality, it's because train cabins aren't generally furnished with things that aren't bolted down, and the bedstuff is on the other side of the room.
`Nearby the luggage.`
>And the door.
`The door the whoever is standing in.`
>Because you left it open.
`Because I left it open?`
`How the fuck did I do that?`
>Out of options, ideas, and because she's already seen it, you give up.
>You slowly turn and start walking to the luggage compartment like a casual robot, eyes fixed forward so you can pretend she isn't there.
>It's a minotaur sized cabin, but apparently for the sake of pony accessibility they put the overhead drawer at just above pony head height, which also happens to be human stomach height.
>This is relevant because if you want to look for clothes you're going to have to look down.
`The same direction as whoever's standing in the door over ther-- oh god damned son of a bitch oops.`
>You accidentally looked right at her.
>Eye contact and everything.

>She's a smaller than average mare with a mocha colored coat dotted with large coffee colored spots and a black mane.
`She kinda doesn't look like a mare.`
>She also has a furless pink nose.
>And you just saw a long not-horse tail with a poof of hair at the tip swish behind her.
`Like a cow tail.`
`...She might be a cow.`
>You would ask but you're too busy awkwardly staring.
>"So you wants me leave, orr...?"
`Did that little cowmare just talk to me in an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent?`
"uhh... yeah, actually. I'd appreciate that."
>"Yes."
>She then trots over to your bathroom, opens the door, walks in, and closes it behind her.
`Ohh I understand.`
`This is a fucking insane asylum crazy lunatic train.`
`They let me on as a mistake.`
`I should have checked the ticket and platform number better`
>Regardless of whatever is going on right now, you'd be better prepared if you had clothes on.
>But before you do anything you run over and close the cabin door so no one else sees you.
>You dress quickly and then re-open the door.
>For a multitude of weak reasons, which beats out the no reasons you can think of in favor of keeping it closed.
>The sound of running sink begins.
>It's a moment before you can believe it.
>You walk over to the bathroom door and give it a rap.
"Hey soo uh... what's up with uh... the uh... w-wa-why... w-what are you doing?"
>"Brushing my teeth!"
`Oh but of course`
`But actually, not at all.`
`Also, she definitely has an accent. Something like Austrian mixed with some kind of new eastern European country no one's ever head of.`
>Sure enough you hear the sounds of teeth brushing.
`Is she brushing with my fucking brush?`
>Stunned.
>No one ever told you what to do in this situation.
>So you just sit down on your bunk.
>And hope that when she comes out, /if/ she comes out, that she'll be a little bit more explanatory than not at all.
>You glance out the window.
>Cool color thing's still happening, the sunrise has long since ended though.

`I wonder what's going on back in Ponyville.`
`Probably nothing.`
>As nice a town as it was, it was pretty fucking boring.
>And truth be told, you hate journalism.
`Stupid little stories about things you don't care about written as dumb as possible.`
`Fuck that.`
>But aside from sign maker and law stuff there really weren't any writing jobs.
>And there certainly weren't any agents to get you in contact with any fiction editors.
>You hope that you can save up enough money from this job to move somewhere more accommodating for a writer.
>The sink turns off.
>You prepare yourself.
>The door swings open and the little cowmare sproings out.
>She looks at you with a face that betrays nothing sinister.
>"Hallo. A good morning, no?"
"It's been... Fine. Why did you brush your teeth?"
>"Because I hasn't brushed them yet."
"Why hasn't you brush-- er, haven't-- er, no. Why did you use /my/ toothbrush?"
>"I didn't. All bathroom cabinets has spares."
"I- Well then how come-- Why did--"
>Why do you feel like you're being defeated?
>She just continues looking at you, small pleasant smile.
"Why did you use my bathroom?"
>"Because."
>She gets onto her hind legs, makes a little angry face, and points as though talking to someone smaller than her.
>"The Minotaur said: 'No Hippocras! No you can NOT use my bathroom! Get your own you are an urchin!'"
>She ends the display with a kick at the imaginary smaller someone, accompanied with mouth sounds for an explosion as the kick hits, a scream as the someone flies through the air, and another explosion when the someone hits something.
"Wha-- But why did you need to? What's wrong with your own sink?"
>"Nothing, I just want to have a friend."
"Oh okay, well th-- Wait what?!"
>"Will you be a friend?"
>"I... Will I be..."
>She looks at you expectantly.
>An energy begins to build within you.
>The absurdity of the situation hits you like a flood hits a dude without flood pants on.
>You begin to laugh

>Wild, breathy, 'what the fuck is going on' type laughter.
>You like things that make you laugh, and you don't get off this train anytime soon.
>Spending it in the company of a silly little cowmare sounds like fun.
>Besides, what if the two of you actually do become friends?
`What could go wrong?`
"--Yeah, sure, sounds great."
>She closes her eyes and gives one big nod, signalling that the pact is complete.
>You're friends now.

=====

>You're sitting in Fluttershy's guest room.
>After you and Pinkie cried for a while, she told you to stay put and ran to get the nearest friend you two had, Rarity.
>She told you to sit still and not do anything.
>A far away impulse to laugh.
>`Nobody does not anything better.`
>Maybe 15 minutes passed and then they both teleported into your room.
>You thought Rarity was going to gasp at how filthy you'd become, or say something about how dusty the place was.
>Instead she didn't at all.
>She didn't even ask if you were okay.
>You know why though.
>You could see it in her eyes.
>She was in emergency response mode.
>There's no sense in asking someone you're in the middle of saving if they're okay.
>Rarity is one of the best mares you've ever known.
>`and she's tied to an idiot like you.`
>Her and Pinkie talked about what to do.
>You were quietly crying, hadn't stopped once you started with Pinkie.
>You felt like a foal.
>Just laying there, uselessly, while ponies of actual value discuss how to handle you.
>They decided that Fluttershy's or Applejack's would be the best place for you because they had spare rooms and both are quiet, away from town.
>Then they deliberated, coming to the conclusion that you'd get in the way of Fluttershy's work the least, and she's the best at taking care of animals.
>`I'm an animal.`
>They didn't even bother to ask her.
>They just knew that she'd agree.
>That makes you feel bad.
>Rarity isn't very good at teleporting, and Fluttershy's is so far away, so they came up with a plan.

>They both took about 7 pages of paper and ripped them into halves.
>On each half they wrote the bare minimum of explanation, and instructions for what to do when you arrived.
>It was just about night they noted, so Fluttershy would be in her house or wrapping up work.
>Rarity then teleported a piece of paper into each room of Fluttershy's house, and the rest around outside.
>She tried at least, you don't know how accurate she was.
>It was a pretty clever plan.
>`Because they care about me.`
>`Idiots.`
>They waited about a quarter of an hour, hoping that by then Fluttershy would have found and read one of the pieces.
>Then Rarity got ready to teleported you.
>It was hard for her.
>She braced herself, straining like the weight of the world was on her back.
>Gritting her teeth in focus, face becoming cherry red.
>And then you were at Fluttershy's.
>Specifically, in Fluttershy's guest room.
>She was already there, already waiting for you to teleported in.
>The plan worked.
>Also you appeared about 5 feet too high, and 6 feet too left.
>Most of your upper half landed on a bureau.
>It was stronger than you were heavy.
>You fell a few feet, and then sort of very painfully rotated around the rim of the desk part and continued falling.
>Cups and boxes of miscellany on the bureau scattered their contents around the room.
>Strangely, you hit the floor square on your ass.
>To an observer with no context, it might have looked as though you were just sleepy and sitting on the floor of a disorganized room, rather than  mostly unconscious because of the hard work of bawling your eyes out to a friend you've been neglecting and taking a fall that's probably broken something consuming what meager energy you have as a result of malnourishment, dehydration, and the will to die.
>Your memory past this point reflects your consciousness.
>You don't think Fluttershy said anything, just gasping.
>Then she dragged you over to the bed.

>Fluttershy isn't strong enough to lift you, so she just propped you against it.
>She left to get something, and you fell asleep.
>You woke up sometime later, she was putting a liquid in your mouth.
>You don't remember the taste but you drank it.
>Then sleep.
>This morning you woke up in the bed and the room was clean.
>Fluttershy brought you breakfast.
>Cinnamon oatmeal in a porcelain bowl, 11 grapes and a earthenware mug of milk.
>You could see Pinkie behind her, watching from the doorway.
>She was scared and concerned.
>Those were two separate things she was feeling at the same time.
>As in she was not scared as in scared for you, but scared as in scared of you.
>You made eye contact.
>It made you feel ashamed.
>It's now sometime just before midday.
>She'll probably bring you lunch in an hour or two.
>The door cracks open.
>`Wrong again, idiot.`
>You're laying, pressed up against the wall, looking directly into it if your eyes were open.
>At the sound of the footsteps you half roll over.
>As in rotated your head and a little bit of your barrel with it.
>"Hello my little pony."
>"oh no"
>The Princess of the Sun has seen fit to examine you at your most worthless.
>`Maybe if I'm lucky she'll execute me.`
>`She won't.`
>"Not happy to see me?"
>You realize the 'oh no' was out loud.
>All the words in your head try assemble themselves into a proper answer and fail.
>Princess Celestia always does that.
>She'll ask you to explain an action you took without thinking, whether it be smashing something in frustration or serving someone a slice of cake.
>She does it to try and make you more mindful of your personality, and of the animal you that are.
>You'll always not have an answer, and when you'll look at her to apologize she'll have a smiley look on her face.
>The kind that happens when a pony watches a foal use a big word right.
>She's doesn't have that look this time.

=====

>You and the little cowmare make your way to the dining car.
>Waking up early + hijinks = Right on time for breakfast.
>The system they have is that everyone gets the same breakfast, you just sit down and they serve it to you.
>She sits at an empty table for two, you follow and join her.
>Today's breakfast is lightly fried fish-like something, with mashed potatoes coated and swimming in a pea sauce that's more like a pea soup.
>It's much better than it both sounds and looks.
>Although the bar for that qualification is quite low indeed.
>You eat your breakfast quickly, eager to see what other kinds of funny things she has to say.
`We're already 'friends', and she's so strange, I bet I could start a conversation about anything!`
"So are you a cow?"
>"Wha-- NO!!"
>Tables nearby stop what they're doing and look.
>The ambient chatter is loud enough that not the entire car goes quiet, but you certainly get far more unhappy looks than you'd like.
>After recovering from the violent shrinking in your seat you did, she looks at you haughtily and speaks once more, in a condescending voice.
>"Am cow//mare//"
>If you could look into the camera of this stupid fucking clearly-a-sitcom world you would.
>You'd look right into that goddamn fucking camera and then the 'funny thing happened and he looked into the camera' music would play, and then the live studio audience would laugh and clap their imbecile hands off.
>"Am /little/ cowmare. Cows make milk and eating grass."
>You recover the pieces of your brain off the floor and continue talking.
>This time a little more restrained.
"So uh, tell me about cowmares."
>While thinking of a response, she finishes chewing and swallows.
>"Well... First they are very pretty!" *Aah-teehihihihihihi!-*
`Well that's quite a laugh.`

`Not bad though, cute enough.`
`And she is kind of pretty.`
`She's chubby in a nice way, and her pink nose contrasts her mocha coat pleasantly. Her eyes are strange, but not in a bad way, well nothing about her is bad, but her irises are big and pure black, which makes her eyes look like a sea of white with two big black dots.`
`Probably her best feature is her eyebrows, they're thick and dark black, and so expressive you could tell how she was feeling a mile away.`
>*-hihihihiheeee....mmhmmm* "Very funny, but in actuals, are not very many cowmares."
>"Cowmares is what happens when cow, pony, and minotaur in same family."
>From what you understand about biology, that's bullshit.
`Maybe I'm a little outta my territory bein' an alien an' all, but you can't just have two animals fuck and it works out.`
`Oh! I'll ask Twilight when I see him again! He'd know. Anyway, back to the conversation.`
"Hey so what's you're name?"
>"Hippocras"
>You smirk.
`Get ready for this one buster, here comes a play on words.`
"Like... a rude hippo?"
>She casts you a confused glance.
`Wait do they have hippos in Equestria?`
>"Like drink. Hippocras. Wine and spice."
>That sounds familiar to you.
"Oh yeah! You said it earlier."
>You honestly thought it was a foreign word when she said it while imitating that minotaur, an insult or something.
"So does your family make wine?"
>"Mmhm, big big vinyard: 'Candy Grape Virgates'"
"What's a virgate?"
>"Square of land"
`That sounds familiar.`
"Seems a little chilly around here for growing grapes"
>"Candied Grape Virgates not here, also special grapes. You asked too many questions, so I'll ask you now okay?"
>You laugh a little at how forward she is.
"Sure thing. Shoot"
>"Why was your penis big this morning?"
`Is that you lord?`
`I'm comin' home`

>Except instead of dying you managed to cough up the chunk of fish-like something you inhaled halfway down your trachea.
>For the second time this breakfast your table has drawn a crowd, although this time instead of unhappy they're concerned.
>You spit the recently breathed piece of fish into a napkin and take a deep breath.
>Hippocras continues to look at you, totally deadpad, as though she didn't register the last three minutes you spent choking, almost dying, and then saving your own life.
"Whaaat? Why was--... Excuse me?"
>"Your penis, it was big this morning. You haved the Hard-on. A big hard penis."
>You search her face for signs that she's fucking with you.
>And find the scariest answer of all: 'None'.
>"Is that not how it's called? A big penis?"
>It's one of those weird moments where you're honestly surprised that everyone else isn't feeling the way you are.
>You're looking around the room half afraid that someone can hear her, and half trying to find some kind of validation that this isn't normal.
>All you see is just a bunch of honest citizens, enjoying their lives, reveling in that dew of the cosmos called sapience.
>Probably not talking about boners.
>"Hallo? Are you aware?"
`No, actually`
"Um, well, I mean... curiosity is a virtue I guess. It's just a natural thing that happens, when men wake up their penises generally are erect. I not positive of exactly why but--"
>"No"
"No?"
>"No."
>The idea that she could know more about penises than you do than you dois laughable, so you laugh.
"And how do you know that?"
>"My brothers' and father's penises are not big when they wake."
`What in God's good name have I walked into?`
`Who in the fuck is this little cowmare?`
`Are they all this way?`
`If they are then that's it, consider me racist.`
"O-oh yyeah?"
>She nods her head vigorously.
>"I bed with brothers' and father many times, and theirs wontn't be big when we awake."
>It's a time for you to think, Anon.

`So there's no way on planet Equus that she's actually talking about incest.`
`Surely she's using a word that's technically correct, but she isn't aware of the nuance.`
`And she also comes from a culture where it's common for families to sleep together. As indicated by the fact that she said brother's: plural.`
`It's just a cultural misunderstanding, right?`
`Right?`
`Oh hell, not right.`
>You speak with words measured like baking soda.
"Define for me-- or rather, can you please explain to me-- no that's no good, please tell me what you mean when you say-- err... What is bed?"
>"Is liiiiike... Table for sleeping. Pillows and blankets. This morning you went near one, when penis was bi--"
"Alright alright alright I got it. Please, uh, if... I-If you were to bed with me, what would happen?"
>"Well, it would be night."
"Okay"
>"And then we would go inside"
"Alright"
>"And we would go to the room for bed"
"Mmhmm"
>"And we would get on bed"
"Yes"
>"And we would get under covers"
"I understand"
>"And your penis would get big"
"I no longer want you to explain bed"
>"And you would get on my back"
"No bed"
>"And you would tell me that I am very pretty and rub my shoulder while kiss my ear"
"Listen to me, do not continue"
>"And you would put your big penis inside me"
"No you don't understand, stop talking"
>"And you would move it in and out over and over"
"Dawg I will whip your ass right here right now"
>"And you would spit hot baby milk inside me"
"I'm gonna cry"
>"And then we would go to sleep. We bed."
`So anyway this morning I made friends with an incest rape victim, wbu?`
>You really don't know what to do.
>This is pretty horrific.
>This poor little cowmare's probably been abused since she was a littler cowmare.
`I'm not gonna fucking stand for that. Nuh-uh, no rape on my watch.`
"Are you... okay? I can help you. Like, help you run away."
>"Hm? Oh no, I love bed."
>You let out a long long sigh.
`Alright now it's fucking predictable.`

=====

>Princess Celestia walks towards you, crossing the room in just a few steps.
>Something about her stride says confidence.
>You get the impulse to roll back over towards the wall and hide under the covers, but you don't.
>Not because you think you shouldn't, but because you've been ensnared by her will.
>She sits on the edge of the bed, springs creak and the whole thing shakes.
>Celestia continues to look at you with that look.
>Her face is hard, strained, but you can't read it.
>You feel naked and stupid as she looks over you.
>Once done surveying you, she looks you in the eye.
>A small frown turns her lips, and you can see her eyes shimmering.
>"Tell me what's wrong, Twilight Sparkle."
>Instant tears.
>You feel so ashamed.
>You feel so dumb.
>You don't have the energy to resist, and spill what guts you can in between sobs.
>"--I love--"
>"--love him--"
>"--He's gone!--"
>"--He's gone!--"
>"--some--"
>"--someone--"
>"--One else--"
>"--He'll find--"
>"--Find some--"
>"--I want him!--"
>Celestia shushes you even though she only has a piece of the story, this is clearly going nowhere, and she doesn't need the whole story to make her point.
>You ball up into the fetal position.
>You would be humiliated if you hadn't already conceded that you're worthless.
>She rolls you over with her magic so that you're facing her and scoots up the bed, wrapping a wing around you.
>Her warmth is the nicest thing you've felt since you don't know how long.
>She waits patiently for your tears to tide over.
>You're now only mostly crying.

>"Twilight Sparkle, listen to me."
>Her command snaps you out of your whimpering, as though frightening it away.
>"You have nothing but friends who love you and care about you."
>"You have my and Luna's help anytime you truly need it."
>"You have a brother who's the Prince of an entire kingdom, and his wife is the chief authority on love."
>"W-what help do you need that we can't give?
>A fat tear rolls down Celestia's cheek.
>"What hardship are you enduring that you must face it alone?"
>"Did you forget everything that you've learned?"
>"Was this all a stupid game, Twilight Sparkle?"
>"If there was ever any value in friendship, it was to prevent /this/ //exact// ///circumstance///"
>"You've been a fool, Twilight Sparkle."
>"And you'll stop it right now."
>Celestia punctuates her speech with a single closed mouth sob.
>Her face is stained with wet trails, tears drip from her chin onto the bed below.
>She stands up.
>You look up to her, her down to you.
>"I'm leaving."
>She walks to the center of the room.
>"I love you, Twilight Sparkle. Never--"
>She pauses for a moment, letting the broken sentence hang on the air to emphasize her words.
>"/Never/ //ever// hesitate to write me a letter. I will always help you if you ask."
>A golden energy builds within her.
>It starts in her core and expands, filling her up.
>It's somehow within her yet still visible.
>As the energy draws nearer to filling her completely, a wind flows towards her from all directions.
>The sound of an electric vibration tears the air for just a moment, and then all the wind reverses course at thrice the power.
>She's gone.
>All that's left is the golden energy she built up, still in the shape of her.
>The room smells like what the sun might.
>You skin feels bright.
>The golden energy hangs in the air, glowing.
>It disperses suddenly, as though it was within a bubble that popped.
>It expands in all directions, unimpeded by matter, eventually fading into clarity.
>...
>...
>...

>The display is far beyond awing.
>All of it.
>Every single aspect of everything that just happened was the most incredible, powerful instance of the category that aspect qualifies as.
>You feel.
>Some kind of something.
>You've go no clue what, but you're certainly feeling something.
>It's not bad.
>You sit and look around for a moment, unsure of what exactly you should do.
>The door is cracked.
>It's probably been so the entire time.
>A strip of pink, blue and white are all you need to decipher who's watching.
>You look at it for a moment, and then it opens.
>Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Rarity walk into the room.
>Nobody knows what to say.
>The moment somehow isn't awkward, it's got an innocence to it.
>Genuinely, nobody knows what to say.
>Rainbow Dash opens her mouth, but closes it.
>"Oh no you three, don't disturb Twilight, he needs his rest."
>Fluttershy comes into the room, softly admonishing them.
>She looks like she's going to continue talking, but then she keys into the vibrations the four of you are giving off.
>She doesn't know what to say.

=====

"Yes yes of course you do, we all love bed. Nothin' wrong with incest, either, huh?"
>"Oh no no, not for cowmares, cowmares made of so many parts, can have babies with family for generations and is okay."
`Is it /really/ though?`
`Like, what kind of sense does that even make? None. So we call that Nonesense.`
>You can't think of anything to say, so you don't say anything.
>Hippocras doesn't say anything either.
>She just looks at you.
>Who knows /what/ she's thinking.
`Wait.`
`Why isn't she moving?`
"Hippocras?"
>"I love big penis."
>She responds so quickly that you startle a little, jarring the table.
>Your sarcasm makes a quick turnaround, though.
"Yeah I'm sure."
>"I /love/ big penis. I love brother Cerevisia's big penis most of all my brother's big penises."
"Oh y--"
>"His is smallest because not done growing yet, but makes up with lots of energy. He bed for long long time, and I'm favorite sister so he always say such nice things and brush my mane."
`A fuckery beyond yet experienced.`
>"He like cuddles and kisses and sucks from nipples even though I've no milk, but is nice to pretend comfy big mama." *Ahtehihi!* "I even call him my baby Cerey!"
`Is this real?`
>"Though, Papa will always be special. Good good technique, all the way in and almost all out, very fast, and bed almost as long as Cerevisia. His best is his smell, me and sisters agree, he hardest worker so always smelliest penis, and balls are huge! Biggest ever seen! So nice to lick and smell and bury nose in space where balls meet penis, and then penis slooowly comes out like sausage leaves grinder, and Papa says don't lick penis till done, but I like to watch and he likes when penis grow big on something warm, so I put nose at start of penis and kiss and lick balls and watch penis grow over nose and towards eye, and then I look up so it grows above eye and onto forehead and watch it from below and lick and smell."
>She's clearly zoned out.

>Her eyes are unblinking, looking without seeing.
>Her mouth is the only thing on her face that's moving.
>"But Papa is Mama's, and Mama says I'm the eldest so I teach youngers, let sisters have Papa until Brytos is a big bullstallion, then can share Papa equals."
>You don't know what to make of her disregard of the fact that bull is a slur.
>Or any of the other off the wall insane shit that she's saying.
>Quickly, she stands up in her chair and leans over the table to put you two face to face, supporting herself with a hoof on both your shoulders.
>Her hot, wet, clearly aroused breath smothers you, and you can't help but breathe it in.
>The self consciousness causes you to realize that your cock is really hard and has been for a while.
>Also, for some reason you feel intimidated.
>She begins to whisper, her words becoming less coherent as time goes on.
>"I still bed Papa even though Mama says no, I leave chores early and find him."
>You're afraid to move, as though she might bite you or something.
>"Papa notn't stops working, has to beds him standing."
>She leans in closer, close enough that you can no longer see her mouth, just her eyes and the top of her snout.
>As a consequence, her breath even more aggressively smothers you.
>To the other diners, It must look like you two are about to kiss.
>"My favorite is if Papa's chore are building or digging. So much sweat, and smell is all over, so much that I drown. I love lickings sweat off Papa's balls like water on cold wine bottle, he clench and relax and they rise and fall. I drink all Papa's sweat till Papa's balls taste like me."
`oh god`
>You mean that in the horror way, and a little bit in the arousal way.

>"Then I lick up and up until I find Papa's star, and I lick Papa's star all over, lick Papa's star clean, lick all over even after sweat is gone, until it lets me in, then I lick as deep as can, all over. I put tongue in Papa's star so deep, even put muzzle in Papa's star."
>Okay now the arousal feels fuckin' weird.
>You really don't like that she calls an asshole a star.
>Something about it is extra perverse.
>"Sometimes, mosts times, I open mouth and stretch Papa's star. If he make groan, then I try open my mouth as big as can, I stretch Papa's star so big he has stop working to just stand. We play game, if he fall, then-"
>She takes one of her hooves off of your shoulder and moves it so that it's visible to both of you.
>She then thrusts the hoof in a penetrating motion, even miming as though what she's penetrating is tight and slightly resists her insertion.
>"-he lose. Papa spray hot baby milk all over ground. If he win then put hot baby milk in my stomach. Papa gets put big penis in my mouth and push it all down, no taking out till done, and spit hot baby milk in tummy."
>She waits a few moments, just staring right into your eyes and breathing heavily.
>Each exhale fills your nose and stings your eyes.
>She shivers a few times.
>Slowly, she reclines back into her seat.
>She absently, slowly grinds on the chair, shivering a few more times.
>Her trance clears over about half a minute.
>You attempt to gain some kind of grip on the situation, just so that this will at least resemble a normal conversation.
>That way you can find an appropriate spot to say goodbye.
>Then you plan to go back to your cabin and hide.
>Although no topics fill your head, you still force a sentence out.
"heh heh, so uh... heh, uh... hmm. No uh, bedding with Mama? Sisters?"
>"Why would bed with Mama or sisters? No penis."
>She looks at you like you're fucking dumb.
>"But! We two are friends! And you have penis! You can give big penis!"

=====

>"There's no waayy some train is faster than the Dash! I'd bet my tail that I could beat it to the next stop /with/ Tilight riding my back. Then he justs boards, and wa-la!"
>"Rainbow dear, you're not appreciting the circumstance." *hic* "Non's been traveling by said train for days upon days, there's no way--" *hic* "--you could make the trip without missing weather patrol. Even still, how would that look to Anon!? Twilight just getting on out of the b-blue? He'd clue into the charade in an instant!"
>"...Well... umm... yeah... that's right, buuut... mmm..."
>The gears in Rainbow Dash's head spin red hot as she tipsily searches for a Rainbow style retort.
>She doesn't find anything, because Rarity is right.
>You're currently at Fluttershy's dining table, listening to your friends debate about how best to help you.
>After Princess Celestia's display everyone just sat around, mute and dazed.
>Until Applejack arrived.
>At the sound of her knocks on the front door the collective trance was broken.
>Everyone got up and left the room to greet her.
>Everyone save you, that is.
>You just continued sitting on Fluttershy's guest bed.
>An outside observer would've said you were deep in thought, but really it was the opposite.
>You weren't thinking of anything.
>Just feeling.
>It was like Celestia teleported a hungry rat into your soul.
>A little magic spirit rat that only eats bad feelings.
>From later noon till later afternoon you just sat, slowly feeling better as your depression gnawed away.
>By dinner time you were feeling normal (and hungry) enough to leave the guest room.
>You found all your friends in Fluttershy's kitchen/dining-room combo.

>Applejack and Fluttershy were hard at work on dinner, baking some kind of casserole while pots of something simmered.
>Rarity was washing silverware and porcelain, idly chatting with Fluttershy about part-time modeling.
>Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were at the table playing a game where they bounced a little rubber ball over little metal sticks with a bigger wooden paddle.
>Applejack was explaining the rules to them while checking the casserole.
>You wanted to cry.
>It was a beautiful sight, one you'd forgotten that you dearly missed.
>At the same time, you didn't want to cry.
>You were tired of crying, and you didn't want to ruin the moment.
>That wish wasn't granted.
>But then was.
>Pinkie was the first to notice your presence in the doorway.
>Her smile vanished in an instant.
>Replaced by that same scared little filly look she had on when she was standing in the doorway.
>Rainbow Dash noticed Pinkie's expression, and froze when she saw you.
>Applejack noticed Rainbow's silence, and did the same.
>This pattern traced its way around the room, stunning all of your friends, until it got to Rarity.
>"Oh good evening dearie. Please, take a seat, supper will be done in just a moment."
>That sinking feeling growing in your chest evaporated when she said that.
>Rarity continued talking to Fluttershy afterwards, not missing a beat.
>Fluttershy picked up on the idea and followed her lead, casual as can be.
>Soon the room's energy returned.
>You waddled over to the table, meek but not terrified, and with a little smile on your lips.
>`Things are getting better`

>You almost sat down in the middle, next to Rainbow Dash, but a nervous glance from Pinkie kept you walking, settling at the foot of the table.
>You remained there, silent and watching.
>Rainbow Dash was the first to try and include you.
>She looked over to you with a smirk and cocked an eyebrow, holding the paddle up.
>You smiled back, and she launched a ball in your direction that you scrambled to barely catch, having to use your mouth.
>Rainbow laughed.
>After that she explained the game to you, and you two played for just a few minutes before dinner was done.
>While everyone talked you felt awkward and out of place, but without the typical anxiety.
>Every once in a while someone would try to rope you into whatever conversation was being had.
>By the end of supper you were even offering your own short thoughts without being prompted.
>The evening ran long.
>Everyone was too busy enjoying each other's company to do something like think about tomorrow, an unspoken but unanimous agreement that time was something for back-burner.
>For the whole night, even till now, some degree of smile spread your face, from the small kind spawned by quiet contentment to the big kind that accompanied your gleeful, snorting laughter.
>A lull in the felicity came when Rainbow Dash left.
>Not left as in left for the night, but left as in left to go fetch three jugs of hard cider from the Sweet Apple Acres cellar and bring them back.
>As always, Dash said that she could out-drink Applejack, and as always, that boast escalated straight into a competition to be settled then and there.
>The vacuum of sound created by her absence gave you just enough space for your new confidence to exercise itself.
>"Um, excuse me everyone. I'm s-sorry."

=====

>"I kid, Anon, I kid."
"...You kid? As in kidding? Joking?"
>"Yes yes friend Anon, yes. If I known that you would take such an offering so hard I would not have asked you."
"......"
>"Anon?"
"... I don't believe you"
>"Well you shouldn't because I am lying!" *AAH-TEEhihihihihihi!!*
`Oh good god above`
`Why me?`
`Why now?`
>You're currently trapped in the gardening shed in the train's greenhouse car.
>After Hippocras said that shit about you fucking her you feigned some laughter to come off as nonchalant and then excused yourself to the bathroom.
>Your intent was to break eyesight and then run run run as fast as you can.
>You didn't think of where you would run to or what you would do once you got wherever you were going, your body just said 'Go!'
>It almost worked.
>You almost got out of the dining car, but then you glanced over your shoulder.
>Hippocras was standing in her seat, fore-hooves on the back of her chair, watching you leave.
>A dastardly, wry grin was spread across her face, telling you that she already figured out your plan.
>You don't know how she did it but somehow she did.
>On an unrelated note, this was your attempt to appear nonchalant:
"Mmmohohohohoo... goodness golly me, what a gas. Well! I do declare that I must excuse myself to the big penis roo-- UM ERR-- UH I MEAN--" *cough, throat clear, collar stretch* "That is, I do mean little boy's room, as it were. A good morning to you ma'am but not a good bye because I am /not/ running away."
>You really don't know how she figured you out.
>She must be smarter than she looks or something.
>Once you saw her face, once you knew she knew your plan, a feral shiver ran up your spine and you just took off.
>Probably that Flintstones scramble sound played, you've got no clue, you were booking it too hard to hear sound.

>It wasn't long before tiny hoofsteps started clattering behind you.
>For every step you took, she had to take something like five, but even still you could hear her gaining on you.
>Running out of both lead and train, you needed some kind of something to stop her from catching you, so dashed inside the first non-cabin room you saw and locked the door behind you.
>Which happened to be a gardening shed?
>It was located in a car filled with flowers that had a glass roof and mostly glass walls.
`A fucking greenhouse car but no library car? Yeah alright. Whatever.`
>Barely a half-second passed and a 'KPOW!!' sound rocketed out of the door- her head coming to a sudden halt.
>It was so hard that it felt like the train would derail, much less keep the door on it's hinges.
>A handful of quiet moments passed, and you were almost afraid she might have hurt herself beyond repair, but then began a banging on the door.
>Not any normal banging, either, more like a machine pounding over and over, multiple times a second.
>Almost unreal, convincing you to doubt that the little cowmare was the source of them, until they stopped and you heard her heavy breathing while she recovered.
>The beating started up again before even a minute was up.
>She'll smack the door some hundred times over the course of 30 seconds, and then recover for 40.
>This cycle's happened a few times so far.
>You're now in one of the rests.
>Just kind of sitting.
>You don't really know what to do.
>The state of the door is slightly concerning.
>It doesn't seem like it'll break soon, but you don't know what it looks like on the other side.
>Maybe you should try to reach some kind of compromise.
"Hey Hippocras?"
>*huf* *huf* *huf* "...Yes Anon?"
"What if we work out a deal?"
>*huf* *huf* "...A big penis deal?"
"Yeah, I could help you go get some other big penis"
>"Hmmmm..."
`Oh shit`
>You honestly didn't expect her to even consider the idea.
"So? Whattya thi--"
*WHACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACK*

=====

>The reaction was mixed.
>Everyone spoke at the same time.
>Rarity assured you it was fine, her face the picture of maternal.
>Fluttershy did much of the same, though quieter and with some guilt thrown in.
>Applejack clenched her jaw and gave you a nod, eyes shimmering.
>Pinkie pie burst into tears.
>She covered her face with her hooves and sobbed.
>You didn't really know what to do, but as the progenitor of the situation you knew you should do something.
>So you awkwardly got up, and awkwardly walked over to her, and  awkwardly placed a hoof on her back.
>The moment you touched her she fell into you, hugging your neck and head.
>"Y-you sc-scare--" *sob* "--scared me!"
>*sob* *sob* "...I-I keep dr-dreaming about--" *sob* "--f-finding you..."
>You said the only thing you could think to say.
>"I'm sorry Pinkie. I'm sorry."
>You started crying at some point, but you didn't realize it until just then.
>Not sobbing, just crying.
>You held each other until she calmed down.
>Her tears wet your neck, and run down your shoulder.
>*sniff* "You scared me Twilight."
>You rubbed her back.
>"I know Pinkie. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
>She clutches you tighter.
>"Don't. I don't want you to die."
>"I won't Pinkie. I'm sorry."
>It made you feel like a fool, but it's all you could say.
>"I love you Twilight. Anon isn't good enough that this is worth it."
>oof.
>You still don't know how you feel about that second part.
>And hopefully she means love as in friendship love.
>Hopefully she didn't feel you tense up.
>"I love you too, Pinkie. You're one of my best friends."
>Was that a lie?
>The things you said are true, but by not clarifying what was going on and ignoring part of what Pinkie said you feel somehow disingenuous.
>The two of you just kept holding each other.
>Eventually she pulled away.
>You looked her over.
>She looked better, but not normal.
>Normal Pinkie has a smile.
>"I'm sorry Pinkie. Can you forgive me?"
>Rather than say yes she just makes an affirmative sound and nods.
>"Oh ho HO! So you thought y'could dodge the Dash, huh?!"

>Rainbow Dash got back, you didn't notice when, but there she was, standing in the doorway.
>"Apologizing while I'm not around so you don't have to face me?"
>"Rainbow I'm not trying to--"
>"Pretty cowardly move, Twi! I'm not impressed."
>"Rainbow Dash please, I hones--"
>"Y'think because I'm all tough I didn't care? You think I didn't cry, too?"
>Her voice shook towards the end.
>"That's bucked up, Twi. Bucked up."
>"Rainbow."
>She looked right into your eyes, slightly sneering.
>"What?"
>"It's just that the room was quiet, I swear I would never try to evade you."
>She sniffled.
>"You already did."
>Like magic, you felt like an idiot on the spot.
>"Sorry."
>"Yeah yeah."
>"No Rainbow I mean it, I'm sorry."
>"Yeah Twi I heard ya"
>"Rainbow..."
>You walked around the table, coming face to face with her.
>"Rainbow, I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me but I really am--"
>She gave you a not-so-gentle whack on the shoulder.
>And stared into your eyes, hard.
>You wanted to flinch so bad, to look away and cower.
>But you didn't.
>A smirk crossed Rainbow's face and she spoke.
>"You can make it up to me by matching me drink for drink"
>You sighed in relief that she wasn't still angry and pulled her in for a quick hug.
>Rainbow called off the drinking competition with AJ right after that, so matching her didn't end up being the gargantuan task it seemed like it would be.
>Applejack understood, and didn't even bother to rib her over it.
>The first toast of the night was to you.
>Which preceded a conversation about how they could help you.
>After many drinks and much info collecting, everyone began spitballing ideas.

>"There's no waayy some train is faster than the Dash! I'd bet my tail that I could beat it to the next stop /with/ Tilight riding my back. Then he justs boards, and voilà!"
>"Rainbow dear, you're not appreciting the cirsumstance." *hic* "Non's been traveling by said train for days upon days, there's no way--" *hic* "--you could make the trip without missing weather patrol work. Even still, how would that look to Anon!? Twilight just getting on out of the b-blue? He'd clue into the charade in an instant!"
>"Well yeah, that's right, buuut... um..."
>Rainbow has certainly been the most helpful in terms of how much she offers, though her plans seem to always fall a little flat.
>"Well shucks, why dontcha both just fly a bit, then teleport the rest of the way?"
>As a natural cider drinker, AJ's 'tells' aren't nearly as overt as everypony else's.
>"Um, Applejacks, I don think you uh... sorry... know how far away... how far away... far... away... Labyrinthia... iss... sorry..."
>Fluttershy on the other hand looks like she's about to pass out.
>"Well Flutters, be that as it may, I think some sort of compromise is the only way we can hope to beat the train without just waiting for Anon to get back."
>"But the charade! The charade!" *hic* "I know the rest of you may not be so well read in the romance genre-- not you Twily dear, but without charades love cannot bloo--" *hic* "--oom!"
>"What about that super goldy duper teleport Princess Celestia did? Can't you just get her to ka-pow you all the way there?"
>"I really don't want to call in a royal favor if I can do anything else Pinkie, the Princesses are very busy."
>"The--" *hic* "--charade!"
>"But what about a big bangin' brotherly friendly favor from your bbbff?"
>"An' how d'ya reckon getting a letter alll the way to the crystal kingdom would be faster than doin' my plan, Pinks?"
>"I could fly--"
>"No, y'can't. Someone's gotta do the weather, my apples are countin' on it"

=====

*--ACKACKACKACKACKACKACK*
>The flurry of attacks reaches its end.
>Hippocras's heavy breathing replaces the sound of her knocking against the door.
>It's labored, and occasionally interrupted by swallows that go *mnyaugh*
`Why hasn't anyone heard this?`
`Why won't anyone help me?`
>*huf* *huf* *huf* *mnyaugh* *huf* "--Anon?"
*sigh* "...Yeah Hippocras?"
>"Anon?"
"Yes Hippocras?"
>"Anon?"
"Wha-- What the fuck! What!?"
>"**** ****"
"...What?"
>"**** ****"
"What was that?"
>You can hear her murmuring, but you can't quite make it out.
>So you lean closer to the door, putting your ear to it.
>"ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ʰᵉʳᵉ"
"What?"
>"ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉʳ ᴬⁿᵒⁿ"
"I am close, this is the closest it gets."
>Silence.
`What the fuck is this crazy thing doing?`
>Suddenly, a dampness on your knees.
>You look down, and see that both your pant legs are soaked with some kind of liquid.
>Both your leg sleeves had to soak all the way through before the liquid could reach your knees.
>You spring up, now only the soles of your dress shoes is in it.
"what the fuck..."
>The puddle is growing, too!
>More of it keeps seeping underneath the door.
"What is-- What the fuck! Are you doing that, Hippocras?"
>"Doing what?"
"Spreading this water! Are you spraying under the door with a hose?"
>"What water?"
>She's asking so innocently you almost trust her.
"This water! On the floor! Well, all over the floor."
>"Did you get in it?"
"Yeah, it soaked my slacks while I was trying to listen to you"
>*AAH-TEEHIHI!!* "Is my me!!"
"What?"
>*AAH-TEEHI!* "Is Hipposcras's essence!"
"What in the the fuck does THAT mea--... ...Am I covered in your piss?"
>"YES!" *AAH-TEEHIHIHI!*
>This is probably the most childish, petty thing you've ever had to deal with.
`Because she couldn't break down the door, she settled on pissing /my/ pants.`
"Hippocras, Why the fuck would you even do that? Like, what possible end cou--"
>"Cowmare essence always make male ready to bed!"
`Of course.`
`Fucking animals.`
`Why didn't I guess?`
"Yeah well I'm not a fuckin' deer, sooo that probably isn't gonna work."
>*SNIFF SNIFF*
>Did she just smell you?
>How could she? She's on the other side of a piss soaked door.
>"I do not think I fails so much, Anon!" *Aah-teehihihi!*
`The fuck does she mean by-- OH!`
>Your cock is standing at attention, ready for action.
`uh oh`
>Acrid yet strangely agreeable fumes begin singing your sinuses.
>A wooze comes over you not long after.
`Uh fuckin' oh`
>It brings with it that drunken 'I'm a pilot in my body and two seconds behind schedule' feeling.
>Suddenly you're falling.
>You hand shoots out at a million miles per hour to save yourself, finding the wall.
*WHA-BUMP-UMP*
>Actually, you weren't falling at all.
>But your attempts to catch yourself resulted in you slapping the wall while whipping your head back, resulting in you falling into the shelves behind you.
>As you try to puzzle out
>Wait, the train is making a major stop today!
>They make everyone get off at the major stops so they can clean the train, surely you could lose hippocras in the crowd.
>You just need to hold out for that long

=====

>"I'll get Derpy to do it!"
>Applejack doesn't even respond with words, just casting a sarcastic look at Rainbow.
>"Hey c'mon! Don't be so harsh on her, mare! Shec'n hold her own when she really needs to!
>Applejack's sarcastic look further sarcastifies.
>"Wha-- Don do me like that AJ! Back me up Flut!
>Dead asleep.
>"Hold on, I could help to."
>The table (except Fluttershy) pauses