N/a/meless Knight Chapter 1 (revised)

We walk slowly into the final room of the dungeon, since the traps of the previous rooms have given us enough trouble. A few minute later, after being sure that nothing will pop out and kill us, we decide to give it a rest.

As the two girls ramble about random things, I look around the room. It is old and dusty as a common dungeon room. Finally, it doesn’t take too long for me to notice some queer Moonrune sentences on the wall ahead.

“Na-san, you’ve found something special and want to examine it?” Sakura, the pink haired mage says. “Go ahead. We will continue resting then.”

Neko, the cat-ear girl, just looks at me and say nothing as usual, but she mutters something that has the word ‘careful’ within.

I cannot fully deciphe the Moonrunes; however, just a few keywords are enough: wall, touch, illusion, Holy, Chalice, old, broken, something something I can’t understand here, others, golden, glamourous,  trap, kill, blah blah.

I touch the wall, but nothing happens.

“Na-san, you want me to do something with this wall?” Sakura says. “I can feel an immense amount of magic power from it… Ah. Yeah. This wall is an illusion. Nice catch, Na-san! I need some time to reverse it.”

What a ridiculous power. Do ‘anything’ with magic. ‘Anything’ literally. From creating food from nothing to turning water into wine and now, reversal huh? Well, luckily, her head is not the brightest, if we don’t count it as the darkest.

I point at the only old broken chalice that is lying on the ground, somewhat highlighted against a mountain of treasure right after it. Easy peese, lemon squeeze. Just take the old chalice, leave everything else alone and we should be fine.

“Ehh? You mean that piece of junk?” – Sakura says. “There's no way it could be the relic, right Neko-san?”

“Yeah! I agree. Nyaa." – Neko nods. "Who'd want a relic that look like crap? Nyaa. Relics are supposed to be dazing beyond our wildest dreams and radiate huge amount of magical power. Nyaa. I think it is this one here. Nyaa." – Neko says, as she touch the golden chalice that was put on top of the treasure mountain.

Fucking hell. Fine turns into fire like every damn time. And what the hell is that ‘nyaa’? It’s annoying as fuck. What the fuck is the language are you speaking? How the fuck do ‘chan’, ‘san’, ‘than’ exist? Ah yeah… We are speaking something called ‘Niponese’. A strange language at is best. I call my self ‘Nameless’ and the best they can get in their head is ‘Na-me-le-su-san’, ‘Na-me-le-san’ and ‘Na-san’. Why don’t call me N.A.S.A then? It means Not A Stupid Ass.

The dungeon begins to quake and I start reflecting my life choices upon this point, as well as doing the ‘facepalm’ gesture. Where the hell did it all go wrong?

I thought of the day that I was six years old and decided to put my finger into that God damned ant's nest. It doesn't end well.

I thought of the day that I was sixteen years old and mustered all of my courage to say “I love you” to this gorgeous girl I know. It doesn’t end well, either.

I thought of the day that I was twenty six years old and wanted to do nothing except sleep, but hunger and thrist kick in. I was lost in the forest. Oh… It doesn’t… No. It does end well. That circumstance, it was not a bad choice at all. It is the reason why I can not takes this helmet off nor speak, even though, not necessary, in a non-logical way, I can still eat and drink. Also, I did not introduce my-self as a "hand gesture master" since then, did I? As long as people can see my hand, they will understand what I mean.

I thought of the day that I was thirty six years old and wanted to do nothing except laying on the ground and look at the cloud, but I want some taste of toasted bread with red wine. So, peniless as I am normally, I need to do some work that is super simple to be found at the guild's mission board. Let’s see… Get ten bears’ ass hide for some guy for ten silver coin… Nahh. Too easy. Even though with ten silver, I can feed the children in a orphanage for a few days, but I have my pride, don’t I? I am only interested in beautiful women’s ass, not bears’ ass.

An other contract here… Protect the caravan from point A to point B for a hundred gold... Seems worth it. Let's see. It is recommended for B+ rank employees or above... Well. The trip of a thousand miles. Not for a C rank like me.

There is an old contract here… Exorcise the eldritch monster of the old castle for sixty four thousand gold... Wow. That is more than enough to buy a new castle itself, right? But... It is for A+ or above employees. What the hell? Above A+... Hmmm. S-: 8 guys, S: 4 guys, S+: 2 guys, SS: one true legend... Hmmm. If I remember it correctly, there is some rules about money compensation for failed mission.  Sixty four is equal to two to the power of six… It means the others have failed it for more than six times… Luckily, the money compensation rule doesn’t apply for someone who tries doing ‘out-of-level’ contracts, so it’s should be fine, as long as I don’t die.

Someone forcefully slaps on my back.

“Eey! Nam-san! How ya doing?”

I use a ‘thumb-up’ gesture. The guy’s name is Crane – a skinny tall warrior, my old acquaintance.

“Ya mean yer fine. Ahaha. Very niceta see ya outta here, nakama. What’re ya tryin’ to do then?”

I use a ‘zero’ gesture.

“Nothing? Oh. C’mon my friend. You should believe in the field’s bestest. From dragons to dragonflies, nothing can’t be killed by me.”

I show him the contract.

“…” – Crane’s eyes open wides. “Are ya really sure about this? From my experience…”

I use a ‘neck-cut’ firstly, ‘x’ afterwards and ‘thumb-up’ finally.

“Ya mean if ya don’t die, it’s fine? No. Just… As I have said. Listen. To. Me.” Crane rarely gets serious like that. “Four thousand gold in the reward used to be mine, do you understand? It’ s the worst monster you can imagine. Swords, spears nor magic, nothing can damage, let alone killing it. I barely escaped with half of my life. Don’t. Fucking. Try. Just… I told you I can kill a dragon, right? The problem is: that thing is even worse than a dragon…” – he sighs. “Yer just a C rank, doncha? What’s the point of suicide like that? The bears’ ass mission there really suites ya. Believe me.”

I put my index finger into my head and ‘thumb-up’ afterwards, along with some slight nod.

“Ya mean ya understood… I am relieved.” – he smiles. “So, what ya planning to do now?”

I do the ‘sleeping’ gesture.

“As carefree as always, ma nakama.” – he waved his hand. “Hope ta see ya later.”

I nod continously.

Well. What an annoying piece of shit. Why the fuck must you tell me what must I do? I randomly saved your life once and that is. Just randomly. Nothing personal. I just want to act hero with beautiful women and then they will pay me with their body.

Finally, you think that your S- rank is that much superior than my C rank? No, motherfucker. I will fucking do it, no matter what.

But… Well… You were right. At the time, bears’ ass hide was the better choice.