Portals in Prague - The F Plus Fanfiction

The F Plus Fanfiction
Portals in Prague
by Eurovision1956 (SamoShampioni)

Summary: Fanfiction based on the podcast the F Plus. Mysterious creatures come through portals from another world...

Victor Laszlo was annoyed. There were piles of paper everywhere. The Czech president had gave him the task of documenting the strange creatures that had come through the portals a few weeks ago. Everyone remembered the portals well. Bright lights had appeared all over the world and strange creatures flew through them. No two creatures were the same, and some even possessed magical powers. Most of them were rounded up and sent for observations. Barack Obama had gave the order for their collection in the USA and many were sent to Area 51, where America already had a great deal of spaceships and alien memorabilia. The Czech Republic hadn't issued any such order as of yet, and so a lot of them were out roaming the streets. Except for the ones that President Prague had given to Victor for inspection.
---
Laszlo looked down. His white cat, Stog, was lying on the table. Well, it wasn't his cat, until a few weeks ago. You see, it was a magical talking cat, which had come through the portal into Prague.
"Play yarn ball with me again," said Stog, holding up a ball of yarn. It certainly did act a lot like a real cat.
"No Stog, I don't have the time right now," Laszlo replied, looking through the files on all the different types of creatures that had been discovered so far, "I'm still tring to figure out how you all got here..."
"Why?" said Portaxx, a fluffy green bird, "We already told you, there was a bright light and then we all arrived here."
"It's so he can send us all back, probably," said a floating yellow lemon, "You gotta problem or something?"
"I do, actually," Laszlo said, "It's a different world, you don't belong here, I mean, what could possibly be the point of a giant green boot that wears sunglasses?"
"Hey!" came the reply from the giant green wellington from across the room, "I'm still here, you know!"
Boots Raingear. Laszlo had learned the names of all the magical creatures that had come through the portal and into the Czech Republic.
"There's rabbits here like me," said Bunnybread, a purple rabbit.
"Yeah but they're not purple like you," Laszlo said, "Besides, all the governments of the world have agreed that they don't want strange creatures running around on their doorstep, it's not right!"
"Why not?" Portaxx said, "I can learn to be a real bird, Bunnybread can learn how to be a real bunny, and... and everything'll be fine, right guys? Why can't we all stay here?"
"Because you just can't, I can't even pronounce half of your god damn names!"
"What?" said a grey dog, "How many times have I told you my name is Acierocolotl!"
"I don't get the big deal, how hard is it to say Kumquatxop," said an orange fruit thing.
Meanwhile Nutshell Gulag bounced around the room.
"He'll never find a way to send us back and we'll get to stay here forever!" Nutshell yelled as she jumped onto a pile of documents and they scattered all over the floor.
"Yeah!" Lemon said, "And I know the perfect way to stay! Guys, rip up all these documents!"
"No!" Laszlo yelled, "Those are my documents!"
Lemon jumped onto the table and started ripping up all of the documents.
"No, I've got a better way," said Squiddy McEnnui, a giant grey squid, "Stand back everyone!"
And so everyone stood back and Squiddy sprayed ink all over the documents, ruining them forever.
"Oops!" Squiddy laughed.
"Nooooooo!" Laszlo said, "How dare you ruin all my hard work!"
Just then, the Czech President walked into the room.
"Laszlo!" President Prague yelled, "I leave you alone for five seconds and you ruin everything! You are a disgrace to the Czech Republic! Hand me your Czech citizenship immediately and accept this inferior American one!"
And so President Prague took away Laszlo's Czech citizenship and gave him an American one.
"Now you'll have to leave the Czech Republic forever and go be in America!" yelled President Prague, "And take these 'magic' creatures with you!"
"What?" Laszlo said, "I gotta take... these things?"
"Yes," the President laughed, "What an excellent opportunity, now I can get rid of all the creatures from the Czech domain and cast them upon America! Now they shall be America's problem!"
"Yeaaaaah!" Lemon yelled, "We get to go to America!"
"You're not going anywhere, any of you!" Victor yelled, "Mr. President, please reconsider!"
"I have made up my mind!" the Czech President yelled, before storming out of the room.
"Noooo!" Victor yelled, "I can't believe that you lot have cost me my Czech citizenship! You guys are a nightmare!"
Boots Raingear stomped all over the floor and put footprints on the floor.
"If it makes you feel any better I'm going to go into the President's room and put footprints everywhere," said Boots, as he bounced off to the President's room.
"You are not!" yelled Laszlo, running after him but he was too slow.
Suddenly, Boots Raingear had put a huge muddy footprint on the floor of the President's Office.
"How dare you!" yelled the President, "I told you to leave this country this instant! Get out and never return!"
---
"So, what now?" Lemon asked, "We going to America or what?"
"First I've got to go and see Zarla," said Laszlo.
Of course before he left they would have to see Zarla. Zarla knew a great many things about the outside world. The Czech Republic was controlled by the Soviet Union and only censored information got through, but Zarla had contacts on the outside world who told her about what was going on in the west.
"I see," Zarla said, "So you have all these magical creatures now, and President Prague doesn't want them..."
"No," said Laszlo, "The President told me he was glad I was getting deported to America so that the creatures would get sent to America too."
"Yeah!" said Nutshell Gulag, "President Prague says now we're all America's problem!"
"America's problem..." Zarla said, "Yes, there are already a lot of creatures across all of the United States."
"So," Victor said, "Any ideas of what I should do next?"
"There are rumours," Zarla said, "Of a great spirit in Australia who can see into the future and tell you what to do in a time of crisis. Cleretic predicted the portals a week before they happened. You should go and speak to him."
"Australia? Damn, but I'm being deported to America," said Laszlo.
"We're going to America!" Portaxx yelled.
"Hmmm... so I heard," Zarla said, "You failed President Prague, which casts a great shame upon the Czech Republic. But it is not for nothing that I am in the resistance, here, take these plane tickets to Australia, for all of you to go. You should go to America first anyway, otherwise the President will become suspicious."
"Very well," said Victor, "That is all."
"Anyway, you've got to pick a state out of all of the United States to go to," said Zarla, and handed Lemon a list of all 50 states.
"What are all these weird places," Lemon said, "I don't know any of these."
"Give me that list," Laszlo said, taking the list from Lemon, "We're going to Alaska!"
"Alaska?!" said Boots Raingear, "What the hell is that?!"
"The closest state to the Czech Republic, it snows here all the time, it snows in Alaska all the time," said Victor Laszlo proudly, "Also, if we ever want to run over the border to Canada, that's the easiest state to do it from."
"Excellent," Zarla said, "Alaska it is."
----
Lemon was annoyed. They had now been living for three months in Alaska, and all of the magical creatures were missing home. The grey city was no substitute for the magical rainbow land in which they lived. Even though in the beginning the creatures had all thought that this new world was exiting and wanted to stay here, even Nutshell Gulag had grew tired with monotonous Earth life.
"You Earthlings sure are boring," Nutshell said one day while Victor Laszlo was reading a book.
"Yeah," Lemon said, "When are we gonna go back home?"
"Home?" Victor said, "I thought you didn't want to go back home! That's why I'm in all this trouble in the first place!"
"Yeah, well we changed our minds!" said Boots Raingear, "We wanna go home!"
"We're so bored with your world now," said Stog,"It's got boring pretty fast."
"What did that woman say before we came here?" said Portaxx, "Something about some guy in Australia who could tell the future?"
"Oh, yeah, Zarla did say something about that," said Victor, "His name is Cleretic, it is said that he can see into the future and all of time and space."
"Then we must go at once!" Lemon said, "He's surely gotta know about the portals!"
Victor looked in his bag, he still had the tickets Zarla had given him. Their ticket to Australia.
---
Arriving in Australia was a new experience for Victor, however, the magical creatures found it just as boring as Alaska. They went to see Cleretic, the Australian who can see into the future. Supposedly. Victor explained the story about the portals, and how they needed to find the portal again so that the magical creatures could go home.
"So?" Victor asked, "Can you help us?"
"Hmmm," Cleretic said, "I do believe there is someone in Germany who crosses the worlds regularly. He has the gift to enter the world without using the portal. His name is Hans von Hozel."
"Perfect!" said Lemon, "Where can we find him?"
"I dunno," Cleretic answered, "Germany somewhere."
"Oh great," Victor sighed, "Now we've got to get a plane to Germany as well?"
"That's not all," Cleretic replied, "For my future seeing services, that'll be 50 Australian dollars."
"Well don't look at me!" Lemon said, "I don't have any money, I'm just a lemon!"
"God damn it," Victor said, taking out the money, "What a rip off."
---
It was hard finding an airport who would accept the magical creatures onto the flight, but eventually one did, and soon enough, they landed in Germany, the land where the portal was rumoured to be. Arriving in Germany, Victor hoped he would find the portal soon enough. Otherwise, he had just wasted a ton of his money on plane tickets. It was hard finding Hans von Hozel, especially as Cleretic hadn't given them an address, just a piece of paper which read 'Berlin, somewhere'.
"Berlin, somewhere?!" Boots Raingear yelled, "That could be anywhere!"
"I know," Lemon replied, "But we've got to try at least."
Walking around Berlin, they soon came across a man sitting on a bench, writing in a notebook. He appeared to be writing a story. He looked up when they approached.
"Ah, hallo!" the man said, "My name is Hans von Hozel! Please to meet you!"
"Uh... pleased to meet you two!" said Portaxx. It had been almost too easy finding the German writer, but they were pleased.
"Now then, about this portal, you know where it is, right?" Bunnybread asked.
"Ja! I know very well! Portal is danube in Berlin!" Hans said, "Danube across all states of Germany, danube through the walls. Brandenburg danube! Goodly, I went through the portal many times to magic world but always careful to come back to Germany. You must have quickly otherwise portal of closing! Danube to the portal to get to portal and go through to magical magic creature world!"
"Uh..." Isfahan said, "What?"
"You're not making any sense!" Lemon said.
"Ah, sorry, excuse please," Hans said, "I of badly English having, what I meaning to say is danube to the portal, magical danube and portal the creature-"
"Stop this!" yelled Boots Raingear, "Stop messing about and tell us where the portal is!"
"Hard to tell," Hans said, "You do not know."
"How about you show us where the portal is?" Nutshell Gulag suggested.
"Ah, I cannot no further, the danube around the portal is not at the correct time-"
"You're still taking the piss!" Lemon yelled, "Doesn't anyone else know where the portal is?"
"Ah, yes! I have other option for you!" Hans smiled, "There is indeeds other person who is of knowing where portal is! He is German too but he is a better English having!"
"Oh?" Lemon asked, "And just who is that?"
"His name is Ulrich Haarbuste!" Hans said, "He living in Dusseldorf with terrapin Jetta and Roy Orbison who wrap up in cling film!"
Hans handed them a piece of paper.
"Here is Ulrich's address, enjoy you!" Hans said.
"This is great news," Portaxx said, "Let's go and find Ulrich and ask him where the portal is!"
"Ok!" Hans said, waving them off, "Good luckings on your adventure!"
And so they set off to Dusseldorf in search of Ulrich, hoping that he did indeed know where the portal was.
---
They all stood outside Ulrich Haarbuste's house.
Kumquatxop went up and knocked on the door.
"This better work, you guys," the orange fruit said.
The door was answered by a man holding many rolls of cling film.
"Hello!" said Ulrich, before turning back and shouting, "Jetta! Roy! We have visitors!"
They were welcomed inside the house, where a terrapin was sitting on the couch. Ulrich didn't seem bothered at the presence of the magical creatures, however. He just went back to his cling film.
"Ulrich, Roy, Jetta!" Isfahan said, "Hello!"
Victor got straight to the point.
"We're here to ask you a few questions," Victor said. Ulrich seemed taken aback by this.
"I'm not telling you anything!" Ulrich said, "You just want to take Roy Orbison away from me!"
"Help me," said Roy Orbison, who was entirely wrapped in cling film.
"No," Lemon said, "We're here to talk to you about the portal to the magical creature world."
John Toast jumped up and yelled, "Ulrich you will tell us where the portal is at once!"
The portals. Ulrich was relieved that was all they were asking about.
"Oh, ah," Ulrich smiled, "Apologies, my misunderstanding. Yes, yes, the portal to the magical creature world. It is in Brandenburg, I believe, by the Brandenburg Gate."
Brandenburg. The Brandenburg Gate. Now at least they had a real address they could go to and find the portal.
"Excellent!" Lemon said, "Thanks Ulrich, that's perfect!"
"You're welcome!" Ulrich smiled, waving them off as they all walked out the door.
---
And so they made their way to the Brandenburg Gate. Looking out at it, it was hard to imagine this is the place where the portal would be, but, sure enough, when they arrived at the Brandenburg Gate they could see a bright blue light in the center of it.
"The portal..." Portaxx said.
But the portal looked weak, fading slightly. It seemed soon it would be gone forever.
"Is it supposed to look like that?" Victor asked.
"The portal will close soon..." Lemon said, "We better hurry."
"So," Victor said, "I guess I won't be seeing you again..."
"What?" Portaxx said, "Why not?"
"Because the portals are closing," Boots Raingear explained, "The link between our two worlds shall end soon... and that's that."
"There's another option," said Lemon, smiling, "You know..."
"I know what?"
"Well, you could come through to the portal, with us, and go to our world!"
It was an option, after all, what did Victor have back in his world? He had been evicted from his country, his reputation tarnished, and now his only friends were all leaving him behind. But there was a way they could all have a happy ending. It was the easiest decision he'd made all day.
"Yes," Victor smiled, "I'll come with you."
He stepped through the portal, they all did, and emerged out the other side into a mystical, magical world. A true rainbow land where the 'monsters', as they were called, lived in peace. The portal closed behind them, but they didn't even notice. Not really. After all, this world was so much better than the one left behind. And so they all lived happily ever after.
The End.