My plans going forward and channel direction going forward

Now i had a lot of fun with this speedrunning thing and i wanna make myself very clear! i took everything off my bucket list to grind, route, and speedrun a game called Crush for the PSP i've nailed pretty much every record except for a few ILs and the other categories that don't have submissions for the psp version of the game.

now onto the meat and potatoes of this entire reason for making this pastebin.
speedrunning pretty much consumed my mind and i've been addicted key word addicted to speedrunning. to the point of alienating everyone out of my life and pretty much isolating myself doing attempts. but nothing this extreme as with Pokemon crystal clear and Crush for the PSP.
let's start with crystal clear since i was doing that the previous month. i routed and tried many things and found something that worked. and completely blew cosmicangel233's mind with my strategies in categories unoffically ran by him and myself. as well as stuff on the main leaderboards. got a few decent times in those games. he seemed like he didn't know how to get the 1:09:xx based on how he commuicated with me. and i'm worried i harmed the health of the game more then i did good to it with my innovations now the categories and routes for starter only has been entirely established in the current patch and there's 0 room for innovation so i got bored and moved onto crush for the PSP.

now let's talk about my history with crush for the psp it was a game Hilda recommended to me a while back to sorta playthrough but i sorta have played through a little and was like heck with it i'll try and do a few runs. and did everything from practicing ILs for about a bit over a year since January of 2024 and found a ...gathers no moss reroute and Hilda being excited for a change in the game i started doing more ILs and found out about a sorta ledge jump in 3d (this wasn't useful but i'll get to that later.) eventually Hilda decides to route sinking feeling 100% and said she had a feeling i'd find some way to get the puzzle piece without going around and she was right but when i did find it and execute the trick she couldn't do my method but then instead of that discovered a double jump trick which wasn't my variation of the trick and i was pretty blown away and learned it for myself. She then proceeded to do a couple of runs and got a 32:56 which isn't too bad for only doing a few runs of the game. 7 months after i started fully getting the hang enough for me having the motivation to do runs. i do a few runs but was getting stuff like 46:xx 42:xx then i got a few 3X:xx times after my 34 min time i then proceed to get that 31:49 and she seemed really really excited about finally getting competition but at this time i was also doing reroutes and reroutes even after i got the any% record and nearly dominated the IL leader boards for the any% categories. at this time she seemed busy and pretty preoccupied with stuff probably IRL idk and we weren't chatting as much anymore and there was less back and forth. of course at this stage i was extremely obsessed with crush psp to the point of it being a genuine issue and all i'd keep talking about. and i'm worried i think that pushed her away from talking to me because i mean i was mad on crush i kept pushing and rerouting.

now going back to what i was talking about my speedrun addiction and what that has to do with crush. now i mentioned something about a bucket list and now what does that mean well i pretty much marked everything off that list as retired or not doing it anymore because crush psp will be my last speedrun i probably ever do seriously probably forever. i'm 34 years old now and tbh i still haven't gotten laid, drank, or partied or enjoyed life most of my life has been spent playing/speedrunning videos games but these past 12+ years i've been speedrunning and uh it's hard for me to play games casually like REALLY REALLY HARD when something is ingrained into your mind like a parasite. so when i find something that has speedrun potential i forgo playing it the casual and intended way and go full autism on the entire thing and completely try to break the game and go down the routing rabbit hole like i did with crush.

this goes to the point of being extremely unhealthy of routing and strategy finding and telling hilda about every update consistantly dming her and probably pissing her off (sorry) and going off on 500+ character walls of text showing my passion and excitement for what i've found and i'm always worried i'm sorta annoying her with it idk it's hard to tell sometimes online if no one tells you anything and how they feel so it's hard to know if she's annoyed at me or not.

i sometimes use my channel page on my youtube thing to vent about issues as a therapeutic messure though i feel i scare away a lot of people doing that going on my dr. crazy style rants. and i apologize to anyone who reads that and goes what the heck is this guy on about.

now i heard hilda say that (i'm really good at crush and that makes me feel good) but however she DID want competition hopefully she's able to handle it and actually hold her own i keep telling her she's better then me but the way she seems to behave when i come into her chats and stuff she holds me in high regard i really wish she'd come out of her shell and prove her potential because it's not over for her. it just pisses me off that she says i'm better then her which is completely false. and i completely reject that idea. she needs to come out of her pupa and break her mold i offered her help if she wants it.
she wanted competition i gave it to her and i didn't hold back whatsoever i did what i did to roushmore and ackolade and max game corner coins, and cosmicangel233 in crystal clear and I REFUSE TO just believe that these people won't just pwn me someday.

the reason why i did this was to give Hilda a run for her money and push her to do better in crush.
because i want her to realize her dream and provide a god tier run to gdq and give crush psp the audience and run gdq deserves.
listen after 200% i'm retiring since i can put that one run as 3 categories at once 100%, Trophy Mode, and 200%
i'm getting old and need to find love and be happy. speedrunning isn't making me happy. it's just isolating me even further from my friends and family.

now for the part you actually came here for if you skipped and probably not read the whole thing because your not really obligated to actually care about me i'm just just some stranger online

My Plans after speedrunning: going back to my roots of Casual gaming, Teh GZ Podcast(i promise this still is happening lol) and my Wifi battle Narrations/live commentaries. this was the very first thing i did on my channel and i really been thinking about returning to this very thing that jump started my channel.

now i'll do the non serious speedrun no reset here and there but i won't be going for WRs anytime or ever again. if i get one great but i just don't care anymore.

thanks for roush, eegl, tj, Ashley, Hilda, Tomas, and all the other people i met through speedrunning. i really really am thankful you all put up with my walls of text and crash outs throughout the years. it's been great! and i couldn't have asked for any better online friends.

Update: I beat every Crush PSP/3DS on Speedrun.com on June 1st as of updating this June 2nd, 2025.