Barnes and noble booksellers,
So people can read the stories they’ve forgotten about,

Realization of the day, the magic school bus is really just, the extended adventures of river song,
Who let river song supervise children,
This,

The artist, aw man that guy’s cake is way better than mine,
The audience, holy crap two cakes,
People have written a lot of touchy feely pieces on this subject but i’d thought i’d get right to the heart of the matter,
This is 1,000 percent more motivating than every preachy, real writers write every day, post on all of tumblr,

I don’t think that a person should run unless he’s being chased,
Me during sports class, maybe that’s why it took you so long to get to mordor,
Snap, snap, snap, hahaha,

Why is it so easy to stay awake until 6 a m but so hard to wake up at 6 a m, things in motion tend to stay in motion, while things at rest tend to stay at rest,
Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics,

What are you reading, it’s a, online book, oh cool, what’s it about, uh,

Snape, getting over that one time he got dumped at 15,
Taking it out on countless kids who weren't even born,
I think i’m using this right,

Whenever you’re feeling sudden calm it’s because i took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill,
Thank you,

D c animators only know how to draw one man but by god that won’t stop them,

Students, hey can we park in the parking lots on this campus we already pay hundred of thousands of dollars to live on,
Universities, you’re ugly, you’re disgusting i’m gonna kill you, give me $200,

I’d like everyone to take a moment to realize that lucius malfoy was literally the harry potter equivalent of a school board mom,
P t a dad lucius malfoy,
Lucius malfoy flipping tables at the hogwarts bake sale because everyone liked mrs weasley’s brownies better, fight me molly,

If i was a shapeshifter, half of my time would be spent making myself look androgynous and trimming up the things about my shape i’m not happy with, and half of my time would be spent making my teeth look just a little bit sharper than is normal, changing my eye color subtly between slightly unsettling shades, and giving myself an intricate, tattoo, that just barely moves every couple of hours, until it’s in a whole new shape next time you look at me,
If i was a shapeshifter i’d have fat fricking tits,

You can control white people by giving them cheese, cheese is so good though, i got one,

Get the heck out my seeds,

Best way to freak out your friends,
Do not open unless you plan to kill it,
Best part is that it’s even scarier when they lift the cup and nothing is there and they think it got out,
I think you need a nap satan,

When people ask you why you make science puns,
Because frick you that is why,

You know that feel when headphones just aren’t like, intimate enough,
You just want music like beamed directly into your skull,

One time i was channel surfing and i came to a scene in twilight where rob pattinson climbs up into a tree as edward cullen and i changed the channel and rob pattinson hopped out of a tree as cedric diggory from harry potter,

There’s a leek in the boat,
This actually makes me laugh so hard and it’s not even funny to sane people,

I bet bill nye on a plane in 1999, here he is inventing the selfie, bill nye invented the selfie, bill nye the selfie guy,

My blog is, koala tea, what the frick is, panda coffee, so gay,
Panda coffee, panda coffee,

People who just randomly meet band members on the street how do you do it,
Step one, go outside for once,
Oh, but the outernet is scary, the outernet,

I don’t understand, why did you reblog a picture of a normal dude hanging out on the street,
Looks like he could be someone’s dad, i don’t get it, is this a dad joke,

Pants, did you mean, leg prisons,

X box 360,
Holy crap i never knew that but now i see the light,
But then what’s the triangle button supposed to be,
The illuminati,

Me, hello is anyone there,
Silence,
Silence,
Silence,
Silence,
Silence,
Silence,
Silence,
Murderer, l m f a o you caught me i’ll be out in a sec l m a o,

Me, passes a blunt to the demon in my house, ahaaa gotcha beach, that was laced with sage get the frick out of my house,

I don’t understand how in movies when there’s some scene about someone sitting on the bus and thinking about life they just have their head rested against the window and it looks so calming and crap like no have you ever put your head against a window while the bus is moving it feels like your cranium is a blender and your brain is becoming a smoothie,

Me, i’m an adult now, it’s scientifically proven that in order to live a healthy lifestyle, you have to go to bed early, so, from now on, my as is going to bed at 9 p m, no excuses, fitness for life, yeah, sixpack, here i come beach,
Also me at 2 35 a m,
What if anakin liked sand, star wars theory,

Oh my fricking god god god god god i just found the funniest picture while deep into google images, your pinterest concoctions are not welcome at the potluck, beach,

Fred, you’re the one driving,

So it is a sword, it just acts like a key in a specific situations,
Or it’s a key all the time and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death, guys, it’s an actual, keyblade,
You can buy these at a harbor freight for like 2 bucks, keyblade,

How’d spongebob get this ripped, what’s his max on the bench, he swole,

You have teeth,
You sure,
I’m asking,
Well ask someone else,

A duck with four legs and no wings, please, duck noise, he’s looking for his wings, who took his wings,

Wingardium leviosa potter, you were named so that every time a teacher yells at you they’re going to make stuff fly around the room, your mother wanted to call you fred, but i thought this would be more true to this memory, okay this one is legit hilarious,

How you looked when you were mad at your mom and you walk faster to get to the car first but then remembered she has the keys,

Once, aunt petunia, tired of harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn’t been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his fringe, which she left, to hide that horrible scar,
This is the worst thing that ever happened to harry,

Things that make you go hmm,
What’s better, nickelback, 39 percent, congress, 32 percent,
Look at this photograph, everytime i do it makes me laugh,

Since all kinds of vintage/older things have been making comebacks can tech companies bring back colorful clear plastic that shows the insides, that would be so sexy,
Sexy,
Frick rose gold i wanna see the guts,

Why he scream, because he is babey, that’s not a cat, that’s a powdered donut,

How many games do you have to trade in at gamestop until they give you a g f,
You just have to give them your copy of sonic adventure 2 battle but it’s not worth it in my opinion,
I said games not priceless heirlooms,

Where are you, my room, no, yes, oh, my mom went into my room, and she thought i sneaked out, birth giver,

That’s a weird dragon, shut up i love her,
Do not fursuit in the woods at night, it’s hunting season, this is no joke, stay on the marked hiking paths,
Please stay safe, cubs,
Who out there shootin purple deer and bright green foxes that walk on two legs and have big ol toony eyes,
Near sighted hunter who relies on his other senses to identify his prey,

When did the japanese start eating eggs, a long,
Tama go, egg,
For dumb ases like me who don’t speak japanese,

I said do you believe in life after love,

When it’s been 40 minutes since you placed your order and you’re really hungry but you still are waiting patiently because you know the food industry is hard and you hope the waiters and cooks are having a good day,

Hey man, can you come over and clean my oversized cauldron, i promise i won’t start dumping chicken broth on you this time,

The new star wars movie was gonna be rated r because kylo ren said frick, and the directors wouldn’t change it because it was important to the plot,
Teacher, why did you swear in class,
Me, alone in detention, it was important to the plot,

Sometimes i watch youtube videos and halfway through i’m like you know what i don’t care and then i close it,

Frick it k f c in the basement,
Colonel amontillado, you have just got to try my limited cajun style fried chicken, i have a bucket down here just for you,

Can a ghost and a zombie come from the same person,
Ghost shaking their head at their zombified body stumbling around like a dumb as,
Is this a comic, this should be a comic,
No stupid, oh my god, no just, just turn, frick, don’t wander over there, you’re gonna fall down the, aaand there he goes, moron,

Telephone message, to sara,
Please call back, urgent,
Message, someone calling himself the high wizard phoned says you have broken your sacred bath and must pay the ultimate price, no need to call him back,
No need to call him back,
What did you do,
Fricked up, apparently,

I was offered a random day off due to an over staffing mistake and took it, i decided to have fun with the pets, i got all ready for work like i normally would and they did their usual job of trying to persuade me not to go and i made a dramatic show of letting them win, they’ve been on a happiness high for the past 3 hours,

Opens buzzfeed, which disney dilf is your soulmate, who’s your disney daddy,
Closes buzzfeed,
Opens buzzfeed,
8 disney plants can definitely get it,
Closes buzzfeed,

Making my way downtown,

I turned on the light in the dining room but tubby had been sleeping in a chair and it woke her up and she was not pleased,
Liam, teenager who just woke up,

I block people who have the same icon as me,
Update, attempted to block myself,
And where did that other dog come from, who is he,

Everyone needs this on their dash from time to time,
Wait oh my god this is adorable,
This is a t v show in canada, called battle of the blades, where hockey stars team up with figure skaters, to compete in competitions to perform at the end of the season,
Canada’s version of, dancing with the stars,

Imprisoned for his crimes,
He has been contained,
But for how long,
You god dang fools, look at his face, we haven’t stopped him, he’s exactly where he wants to be, he’s playing us and we’re falling for it,

Top banana, chimp chump,
In life you’re either top banana, or chimp chump,

Robert downey junior acting like he’s never seen confetti before,
And ty following his lead,
They are connected,

Oh my god babie aswrgsdfb,
Leave him alone he wants to be tall like the other avengers,

Son of a beach, you shouldn’t say beach,
Calm down steve rogers,

You wanna talk to my manager, dave, some beach wants to talk to you,
The retail worker mood,

Frick algebra i don’t need it just give me a dead body and i’ll figure it out from there,
I feel i should clarify i am a mortuary science major,

This shower thought that ruined jenga forever,
The trees cut down to make jenga blocks are repeatedly forced to relive their own death,
This is so dark what the frick,
This really unsettling yoshi account,
I would die for you yoshi,
You will,

I would die for you yoshi,
You will,

Scooby doo adventures the mystery map,
You shot him in the fricking face, so,
I downloaded this already ridiculous scooby doo movie and these are the subtitles it came with apparently,