Thread 33: Stories 46-60

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NC
>Spike
"DT"
~~~
>Huh... so that's where all of our budgeting went.

"Oh, please, you can cast your own bullets, Mr. Blacksmith. 77 doesn't need anything besides his knife, and 42 makes due with less."

>You do realize we'll never be able to buy new hoverbikes because of spending like this, right?

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY ROCKETS!"
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Miles away, at the desk of one Princess Applejack, a temp's jaw has just hit the floor, and she thought's of selling information to The Nightly Trumpet fill her mind.

When she got back, she hoped the new Princess would have an explanation for this freakishly huge defense budget. Including the 140 thousand bits for someone simply called... "Sexy".

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*NEW PRINCESS CAUGHT SPENDING EXORBITANT AMOUNTS ON AN ESCORT SERVICE!*
*WHEN ASKED, MEMBER OF A-TEAM IS QUOTED SAYING "It was the biggest bang you've ever seen! Ponies nearly went blind!"*
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>Did Applejack knowingly let such outrageous bills pass?
>Or did Spike, the trustworthy helper, help slide them through to help the A-Team?
>Or has DT been using her father's vast influence to bribe the office?
>Fear not, my loyal viewers, for I, AJ10, with the help of my friend BBB, will dig deeper than the Canterlot catacombs to find the answer!
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>>You do realize we'll never be able to buy new hoverbikes because of spending like this, right?

"HAH! Jokes on you, I installed booster rockets onto TBDRLIATU! I can fly anytime I want!"

>You installed rockets... on the rocket launcher.

"Clever, eh? It's so I can charge my opponent if I want to."

>But wouldn't that bring you closer to the target? The exact opposite direction you wanted to go?

"...Shut up."
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>Cadence
"???"
~~~~~

She didn't know how long she had been walking, or where she had been walking to, only that it was dark, and her horn light just wasn't cutting it.

>Okay, it's fine, just think... think Cadence! You just have to work it out, and get out of this strange... strange place...

A creaking noise suddenly went off, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin.

>WHAT WAS THAT!?

To her horror, something flickered by in the darkness, just out of sight.

>I-I'M WARNING YOU! I am a Princess! And and Alicorn! I have magical powers you just can't handle!

From the darkness, something abruptly charged her, causing her to scream out and fire a 'warning' bolt.

It just went right through.

To her horror, no matter how many times she fired, no matter how many different spells she cast, she just could not stop the white, pony-like shape that tormented her.

>NO NO NO! LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE!

A gigantic burst of magic, enough to light up the entire room for a flicker of a second, and all was still.

>...Did... Did I win?

"Yep. You got him."

The pretty pink princess screamed again, whirling on the voice behind her and firing off another attack.

The weirdly colored earth pony did not seem to care as it shot over her head.

>WHO ARE YOU!?

"Me? Bored patron on the ride. You?"

>I AM PRINCESS-... Ride?

"Spooky horror town, specifically."

Slowly, Cadence turned to see her 'assailant'.

>...That's just a projection, isn't it?

"It was, before you shot it."

>Ahhhhh... BYE!

With that, she tore off in a random direction, finding the door by pure luck, and still managing to break it on her way out.

"...I think I gave her brain damage with that kick, in hindsight. Probably should have aimed more for the neck.... or hit harder, one of the two."
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>???
"???"
~~~~~

>Do do dooo! Lovin' mah job, turnin' on the rides... Huh.

He just barely saw a flash of pink rush out the door and into the crowd. Weird, he didn't remember seeing her go in.

>Well, that was odd... Yes, little lady, can I help you? Ride wasn't too scary, right?

The mare who had walked out after her just shrugged.

"Nope, but you've got a bit of a mess in there."

>Aw, shucks, someone throw up on the ride? Ah well, better get that cleaned up before... b-before...

The moment he turned on the lights and saw the scorch marks and massive damage, his mouth, and his stomach, dropped.

>...WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUU

"Right? And I had nothing to do with this. It feels SO weird."

>UUUUUUUUUUUU
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>32
[???]

[Testing, testing...do you hear me?]

>Yeah.

[Wonder-bar! That's Germane, I think. The memories kinda get fuzzy sometimes, y'know? ...you don't. But I do. I know a lot.]

>Do you know how I get out of this desert and back in control?

[Yup! Just keep walking forward, pal, and you'll be making progress in no time!]

>...are you sure? Because I've tried that and nothing was really accomplished.

[Ye of little faith, just do as I say and soon everyone will be happy!]

32 sighs, setting off towards the distant horizon, his muscles ache from the memory of a thousand lives, a thousand deaths, a thousand killings.

[Can I ask ya something?]

>Like?

[Ok, now listen, I don't judge, kay? I hate judgers, I beat them up for fun. But this thing ya did...it doesn't make sense.]

>What?

[You tried to murder a Queen.]

>Yeah?

[Wellllll, aside from not being possible even if you were super tough guy like the lady in the ugly helmet, how was that gonna solve anything?]

>I...I just wanted revenge, for everything she did.

[But that doesn't make sense!]

>How!?

[You don't kill a person in revenge for killing everyone you love. You kill everyone THEY love, it's a no brainer.]

>...

[I mean come on, you're an infiltrator, you're telling me you couldn't doll yourself up as any number of forms and sashay your way into Shining Armor's hospital room? Then it'd just be a matter of smothering him, reaaaal peaceful like, and slip away in the chaos. Hide yourself under some rubble and wait for the fireworks! Baboom, things would have turned in your favor super hard!]

>...That's horrifying.

[Hey man, I didn't say you SHOULD have done that, honestly I'd be on schmucko's side if you did! I'm just saying, the logic doesn't add up and you are a logical changeling.]

>For Pommel, for his death she had to die.

[But THAT doesn't make sense!]

>WHY DOESN'T IT!?

[Because she had nothing to do with it!]

>The portal-

[Got broke by Punchy McBucketface! You should've gone after her and maybe dragon boy if that was the motivation! Queeny was the victim in that scenario!]

>...

[You okay?]

>...why are you doing this?

The voice takes a firm edge.

[Because you can't delude yourself, you gotta face this head on or you-know-who will just use it against you. I'm on your side, believe that, but I'm also on the side of a you that has a future not involving prison bars.]

>And what are you proposing?

[Nothing right now, but you gotta face facts, you didn't wanna kill the Queen.]

>Then what did I want!?

[You wanted her to kill you.]

>...

[Silent treatment gets you nowhere, I was in here when that was going on. Prickface was frothing, screaming how much of a traitor you were, but me? I was listening. Listening to your inner thoughts, your subconscious. Wanna know what you were saying?]

>...

['End me.' 'Punish me.' 'I killed Pommel.' Etcetera. Now, Pommsey was a cool guy, pretty nice, pretty handsome-heh, blushy much?- but he wouldn't have wanted this, any of it! Is it sad he's probably Chitty shit now? You bet your ass it is, but the point is, he's gone and you're alive and you can still help people. The ponies, the Morlocks, the Hive, you can be the builder, not the destroyer, but only if you try!]

>...

[Hey, I know this is heavy, but give it some thought, alright? And remember to keep walking.]

The voice leaves 32's head, replaced with many thoughts, many questions, precious few answers, and a single imperative:

Walk.

So he walks.
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Non-canon
>FanficJack
"Changeling"
~~~
>FUUUUUUUCK! This is a wreck! I wrote 32 as bi and pommel as straight! My fans will lynch me!

"Dude, all changelings are kind of bi, helps we're not really set in gender. Kind of. It's complicated."

>But what can I do?! 32 needs to be shipped and the Twilight 32 ship is so passe!

"What about bringing back 88?"

>BRILLIANT!
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>Twilight
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[Fluttershy]
~~~~~~

>MY VENGEANCE SHALL RAIIIIIIN UPON YOU ALL!

"YOU ARE ALL MY BITCHES NOW! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!"

'THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK! IT IS MADE OF BOOM AND PAINT!'

[...Do you guys worried you're getting into this too much?]

>DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA

"ARIEL BOOOOOOOMB ATTACK!"

'PINKIE GONNA BEAT YOU AND MAKE YOU LOVE IT!'

[Ponies are starting to stare...]

>THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

"MY RAINBOOM ONLY MAKES MY WINGS HARDER!"

'NANANANA NANA CAN'T TOUCH THIS!'

[...You guys ran out of paintballs an hour ago, and you didn't even manage to hit anyone.]

>DIIIEEEEE!
"DIIIEEEEE!"
'DIIIIEEEEE!'
[...I missed hanging out with you guys.]
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>OO7
"???"
~~~~

>Okay... think. How can I do this discreetly?

It might seem odd that a Changeling, especially an infiltrator class one, would have any problem doing something discreetly, but here he was. Currently perched in the shadows directly above his target and without an answer.

>I suppose I could just... shift and go down there to talk? I don't want to spook her, though, who knows what might happen.... fuck, I don't know, what do you think, whitey?

Strange, he swears he could FEEL the frown from here.

"Bullshit, you did not just detect me."

>Pal, I'm a Changeling. I've been bred over a thousand years of evolution to specifically detect someone like you-

"Other direction."

Thankfully, chitin does not blush very visibly, otherwise he would have looked fairly stupid as he swung his head over and spotted where Jetset actually was.

"Point to me, in case you were wondering. Now, who exactly are you... is that Cadenza Mi Amore!?"

>What, did you not...

"..."

>HAH! I totally found her before you!

"Please, as if I was looking all that hard. The Empire is an independent nation, I have no ties to her besides the fact my Queen finds her amusing."

>Your embarrassment is showing, seeing as those were my motives as well, right down to the Queen part. My Hive relies on her husband for it's source of food, not her.

"Strange, isn't it? You would think that as the premier wielder of love magic on the planet, she would be far better suited for the job, no?"

>Yes, well... I do not question things like that. My Queen is the one to handle political matters of that nature.

"Poorly."

>Well then, show your pony superiority... PFFT... and why don't you tell me how I can get her back on track to be re-united with her beloved without letting anyone know I was here.

"...What was that scoff about?"

>Nothing, nothing.

"No no, you implied something right there."

>Well, I'm just saying. I can fly, I can use magic, I have skin that could block bullets, I can control minds, I can shoot blasts that can destroy robots, I can conjure fire, I can disappear and be undetected, and I can even look and feel exactly like one of you, if I should so desire. Meanwhile, you have... magic.

"And a population in the double digits."

>Because, as we all know, quantity trumps quality. Which is why six mares could kick the crap out of two dozen love starved Changelings with all of the powers I just listed, but soldiers by the dozens could not.

"..."

>Aw, did I touch a ner-

*TINK!*

>...Did you just throw a poison dart at me?

"I did that-"

*Flip!*

"-really? A knife made of that strange goo?"

*PAP!*

>Certainly no compression explosive that couldn't hurt a gimped filly.

"You wish to take this elsewhere?"

>Off Partyland, you mean? Oh sure. Do you need to go get a hang glider real quick? I'll wait, since unlike you I don't need it.

"Oh, you'll be flying soon enough alright."

>Indeed, back up here, unharmed, after I kick your ass so hard I give you a second cutie mark shaped like my hoof.

"I'll see you down there, eventually. Since unlike you, I don't need to fly."

In a burst of light, he vanished.

>...I need to get around to finally mastering FireFlight.

In a burst of speed, likewise he left.

[...FINALLY!]

The Pink Princess let out a groan of annoyance and rubbed her ears.

[If they hadn't shut up, I would have started banging my head on the wall. Jetset and OO7 need to just shut up and screw already... oh! That might be fun! Maybe I'll set the up on a date! Matchmakeeer~!]

Cheerful images popping up in her head, she skipped off out of her hiding place.

Somewhere, the Changeling and Unicorn shuddered, and they did not know why.
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>Chrysalis
"18"
'42'
~~~~~

>Minions! Go out, and locate Shining Armor for me!

"Are you seriously calling us minions?"

'Of course, Majesty! At once!'

"And there she goes..."

>...well? Why the hell are you still here?

"Because I'm waiting. Shiny is, most likely, with Celestia. She is taller than everyone else, and she has magical flowing, glowing hair. I have a better probability of spotting her here, in the diner near the entrance, than I do wandering a hallway where she would be spending the least amount of time walking past, or outside where she is less likely to have gone already without a morning muffin or six."

>...So? I still ordered you to go out and find him.

"You can say I'm taking after the Changeling Queens that came before me, and not listening to anyone. Did any one of you ever take orders? I think not!"

>Well, actually yeah. There was this one.

"...Oh?"

>Okay, so there was this one queen, Xenesthis. This was before mom's time, even. See, she was persuasive, really persuasive. Said more than once that she managed to steal hive members with a look, didn't even have to use mind magics or offer stuff. Really neat, from what I hear, she had this cool little ability where she could grow these hair-like spikes out of her body and shoot them at her opponents.

"Huh."

>Yeah... liiittle bit of a downside, though. Since, you know, she was pushing spikes out of her chitin. Looked like she rolled around in a thornbush, allegedly, and her skin was weakened when it happened to the point where you could break off chunks. But that's not really important, as like I said, her real power was in... persuasion. One day, she came across another hive, one lead by another Queen named Chiasmocleis. Chia was a bit ambitious, you know? She saw Xenesthis hive and thought "Oh yeah, I want me some of that."

"Brilliant."

>Right? But her hive had recently fed, and Xenesthis was running on empty. Everyone was sure she was about to get wiped out.

"But?"

>Well... and mom said her mother still has no idea how this happened... next time they saw her, they were together. First, and last, time in known history two hives had ever joined together. Weirdly? Worked out really well. Chia's guys were smaller than normal, but they were perfect for taking out individual threats that Xene's guys couldn't even see. Likewise, Xenesthis's were more focused on brute power, or she was able to do more damage that Chia's just couldn't match. The whole time, Chiasmocleis was subservient to her, did whatever she said and lived with her for the most part. Perfect harmony, for once.

"Yet somehow, we live in a society that is not under the rule of this unholy union, so I take it this didn't end well?"

>Pfft, course not. To this day, we have no idea what happened. My Grandmother just came across a gigantic pile of corpses that had clearly been in the middle of a civil war, and a gigantic crater in the middle that was more than powerful enough to wipe out two Queens and reduce them to dust. Or a half dozen, really. Not even a scrap of chitin left. We don't know why, but they turned against one another, and from the sound of things from before hand, it was Xenesthis's fault. Guess even with all of that command and power, she wanted more. Tried to take out Chiasmocleis, and well...

"...Idiot."

>Hey, that's why she's gone, and I'm here. I'm the smartest of the Queens who have ever lived, so do as I say and be thankful I'm here.

"PFFTHAHAHAH!"

>...

"Sorry... Hey! You didn't tell me what Chiasmocleis powers were!"

>Hm? Oh, I honestly have no idea. To be frank, it could be a lot of things with her nickname.

"And that was?"

>She was also known as... "The frog Queen."

"...Hee hee... heh..."

>What?

"N-noooothing... nothing..."

>...Have you been looking for Shiny while I was talking like you said you would?

"...FUCK!"

~~~~~
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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
~~~~~

>Well, that's not safe.

"I tried to warn you."

>Well, clearly you should have been louder.

"Ponies already complain I'm too loud when we're together!"

>They'd probably be nicer about it if you'd stop screaming about fucking holes.

"It's my thing!"

'HEEEEEEEE HEEHEE~!'

>Arana? Honey? You're supposed to be scared. You're not supposed to reach out and try to hug the giant spider props.

'THEY REMIND ME O' MAMA!'

>Wow, uh... okay.

"Okay, that one even hurt my chest."

>Right?

'I WANNA TICKLE 'EM!'

>Right, not going to work. Props.

'I's okay, momma didn't get tickled either! She just pretended sometimes.'

"...Wow."

'Yeah, she was in a real good mood after she got to eat her brains!'

>...Now, when you say her brains-

'Dragon brains! Ya' know how hard those are ta' get to? She was so happy she almost let me hug her once!'

"You are an emotional roller coaster, I want you to know."

'I know you are but what am I!?'

"..."

'...It was new when I went in the cave...'

>...

'...No it wasn't... OHMIGOSHOHMIGOSH! THEY'RE GIVING OUT SILKY FOOD FOR FREEEE! AND IT'S EVEN GOT LITTLE GUMMI SPIDERS! THOSE TASTE WAY BETTER THAN REAL ONES!'

>I feel like I should be happy, but I just want to throw up.

'THIS IS THE BEST! DAY! EVERRRRRRR!'

>...Okay, I'm a little happy.

'EVEN BETTER THAN THAT TIME MOMMA FOUND OUT HOW TA' BOIL HEARTS IN CANDY!'

>...

"...And ponies think I'm weird..."
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>SA
"Celestia"
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>WHY IS FINDING A PINK ALICORN SO HARD!?

"Right? Is she hiding for some reason?"

>What possible reason could she be hiding from? This is my wife we're talking about, she has all the destructive capabilities of a bag of soggy toast.

"It's always the quiet ones, Shiny."

>Come on, am I really expected to believe-

[WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SOMEONE SHOT UP THE HAUNTED HOUSE!?]

>...
"..."

{Just tellin' ya' what happened, boss. Someone must've gotten sloshed last night and shot the place up. Probably a unicorn that got spooked by the ride.}

[And you didn't see anyone go in!?]

{Nope, but I caught a glimpse of someone getting out. Only other one who went in was an earth pony, and those can't breath fire last I checked.}

[Well... shoot, we didn't put the cameras in there, did we?]

{Nope.}

[Damn. Just... all over?]

{Blasted to hell.}

[Ahhh, Cheese isn't going to be happy about this.]

{Nothin' ta' do but roll with it.}

[I guess...]

>...
"..."
>...Now, be fair, what are the odds that was actually Chrysalis, and we're jumping to conclusions?

"Fairly high, I suppose?"

>Good. Glad we agree.

"...It probably wasn't-"

>I know, Sunhorse... i just... I know...
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non-canon
>Sciderella
"Variolus"
'???'
-???-
~~~
Sciderella is tied up outside the entrance of an ancient, primeval hive while Variolus smiles triumphantly, holding an urn in her magic

"We meet again, Sciderella. Once again I prove there is nothing you cannot have that I cannot take."

>Variolus, the ashes of Empress Rhyniognatha are a priceless treasure to our people!

"And it is said they make one immortal."

>It's a legend! Would you honestly destroy part of our history just for some rumor.

"I pursue a rumor of power, you pursued this purely because of pointless history."

Variolus opens the urn to bathe herself in the ashes

Only to bathe herself in changeling slime

"W-what?!"

The urn is actually just a normal pot now and in a flash of green, one of her drones reveals themself as a princess we would one day call 'momsie'

-Slow and dumb as ever, eh bitch?-

>Sister!

"PRATORIANS! KILL THEM BOTH!"

'Not a chance!';

out from the undergrowth, a young Chitania leaps out and the burly brawl begins as Variolus' best drones are easily crushed and the trio watch as Variolus flies away

"DAMN YOU ALL! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

-And I'll have a daughter who's the last queen standing.-

A shot of magic quickly shattered the urn and spilled the ashes on the ground, scattered by a wind

-Huh, guess my daughter will be the last queen.-

'Sorry about your discovery, Sciddy.'

>Hey, it's okay. i'm sorry I dragged you guys into this. I didn't think Variolus would show up.

'that bitch sticks her muzzle up every ass and cunt she can.'

-We're just glad you're safe. Hey, the urn's gone, but maybe there's something else valuable in that old hive.-

>There were some locks I couldn't pick and traps I couldn't disarm...

-Sounds like a job for me.-

'I could always just bash the locks and-'

>No! They're priceless relics!

'Ugh... Fine. maybe there are monsters. Let's get this dungeon crawl over with.'
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