Thread 24: Stories 76-90

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A non-canon demonstration.
>spike
"Luna"
~~~
"And what could a draconic handslave know of the burdens of a princess?"

>I do get how you're feeling; lonely, forsaken, forgotten, pushed aside, treated like shit, angry, even hateful at the people you love? Because while I might be a monster, monsters have feelings too. But you know what I did when I felt that way?

"Made a pact with dark entities and attempt to murder Shining Armor for being the favored one?"

>Do I look banished to the moon? No, when I felt sidelined, I made myself not sidelined. I made myself useful however I could, if it meant giving back rubs, scrubbing toilets, or holding guns to the heads of uncooperative idiots.

"I see no firearm pointed at my head."

>Yeah, learned from Chrysalis that that only works on normal ponies. But we're getting off topic, the point is, if you want to connect to people again, YOU have to make an effort yourself. Go to a damn nightclub or something, there's a nightlife culture out there you know? And maybe your horizons will expand beyond your sole love interest being a guy who doesn't even realize he's sexually molesting you all the time! But you can't keep holing up in dark corners to listen to Linkin Park and troll Chitania on Dreambook.
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>Bat-Mom
"Dadling"
'??'
~~~~~

>...You think we're going to be good parents?

"Yep."

>...really?

"Nope, but I thought you would freak out if I was honest."

>...Little bit.

"I mean, I'm a socially inept bug monster who's main understanding of love was "tastes like chocolate and happy" until literally a few months ago and has less schooling than a kindergartener. I'm pretty sure I don't even know what babies of my species look like, and I'm also jobless and can't cook. Soooo... yep, this is pretty much coming down to you. Thoughts?"

>....M-meep...

"Yeah, figured the squeaking was going to start."

>I... I'm a little scared...

"...Um... Oh! Uh, great ancestors long gone, send us a sign if we're going to be able to handle this!"

>...Did you literally just-

"Wait for it..."

>...
"...Annnnny second now."

>I don't think they're going to-

'THOU DAMNED CHILD FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE SO BEYOND! If thine ethereal desire was not for that of tutti frutti, WHY DID YOU HAVE ME RUN TO CANTERLOT FOR TUTTI FRUTTI!

"..."
>...Huh.

"...No! That wibble lib is as the rain upon the feathers of a duck!... NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO CLOUDSDALE FOR A SNOWCONE!... Go ahead, cry! See if I care!... Do not yell at her!... I'm allowed to!... AM SO! AMSOAMSOAMSO-'

>Um...

'...Can I help you?'

"You, uh, you okay?"

'No, they are driving up up a wall! Dealing with the chaotic mind of those so young is like dealing with a bag of ferrets on a merri-go-round!'

>Oh... you, uh, you handling it alright?

'I'm still somewhat sane and the are for the most part happy and cared for, I'll take the small wins I can achieve.'

"...Just out of curiosity, how many...?"

'Couple dozen at any given time.'

>And you handle it.

'Not like anyone else is going to- FINE! WE ARE GOING TO CLOUDSDALE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? WE'RE GOING!'

His wings fluttered, and he flew off grumbling.

>...Okay, you thinking what I'm thinking?

"If that guy can handle that we can probably handle this?"

>...Weirdest pep talk ever.
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>Gwen
“Idris”
_______

>Oh I don’t believe this shit!

Following that shrill curse, the doors to the dinner hall were quite literally blown off the hinge, over the table, and into the opposite wall.

King Idris, who sat at one end of the table, barely batted an eye when his wife stormed in, claws clearly out by the savage clicking.

He turned a page.

“And what has your feathers unpreened this time, dear?”

>If you took the word ‘pissed’ and amplified it by a million and sprinkled it with a garnish of rage you’d still be two kingdoms away from the fiery hell I’ve got brewing in the pit of my stomach.

“That was perhaps the most poetic thing I’ve ever heard you say, love. Your rants are scribe-worthy.”

Plates and silverware bounced when she slammed a brown paper bag on the table.

Idris graced it with half a glance.

“And this would be…?”

>Look.

“Must I? This column here about the trade-”

>I’ll have you know that the couch is mighty fucking cold this time of year. Dear.

The newspaper was neatly folded and set to the side as Idris turned to face the brown bag with renewed interest.

“It’s a brown bag. Fascinating.”

>Open. The damn. Bag.

And so it was opened.

Revealing a very elaborately painted Chitania figurine, one of exquisite detail and vibrant color.

“…”

>…

“Burn it."

>I’m still trying to grasp what sort of mongoloid would even ORDER this in our kingdom, and then STOCK it.

“I say again, burn it. Burn the figurine and the store that sold it to the ground.”

>Like you have to tell me. Here's the bill for the damages.
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>2
"Students"
~~~~~

>So then Caddy says if I don't brush my teeth I'm gonna rot 'em all out and then I'll have to drink my marchmalleys through a straw. I dunno what the problem with that is, that sounds cool.

"See? You get off so easy for everything! My mom says if I don't brush my teeth Chitania is going to smell it and break my mouth."

"My dad says if I don't pick up my toys I won't be able to run when Chitania arrives at my house."

"My uncle says she goes after naughty fillies because we smell bad and crushed them. No sense in hiding it, she knows."

"My cousin said she waits for little foals to run off before taking them to carry her giant podium."

"My aunt said she can't swim."

"...That's stupid, Starbright."

"Seriously? She thinks Chitania can't swim? Even I can swim, and I'm not a giant monster."

"Just sounds ridiculous."

"Does she even need to breath?"

"My ex-daddy said that she doesn't, changelings don't need to breath."

"That's moronic."

"You might as well say... TWO NO!"

*GAAAASP!*

>I just wanned ta' see if he was right!

"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT YET!?"

>I never tried! How many times YOU try stoppin' ta' breath, huh? You don't know!

"..."

"STARLIGHT QUIT!"

*SMACK!*

*GAAASP!*

"Screw you bro!"
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Non-Canon

~~~~~

>Chitania
"Dream Luna"
'Luna'

~~~~~

>Played Changeling Ball you know

"In some cushy league hive"

>Try Titania's hive, could have gone pro if I didn't become a Queen. I'm not one of those confrontational pansies. I could break Celestia in two, with my BARE HOOVES.

>DON'T FUCK WITH THIS CHANGELING QUEEN!

*Punts Luna into the air, mysterious cheering in the background*

'◕_◕'

'...'
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>42
"Spike"
~~~~~

>Thank you for finally meeting with me alone, I realize you are busy. I would have sought you out sooner, but in the interest of fairness I wished to gather as much information as possible. At last, I have managed to understand everything that went down during the 'incident' in full. So...

"...Alright, go ahead, get it out of the way-"

>You realize of course you're a problem for me now, right?

"Look, I was just trying to-"

>Wow, look at all the fucks I don't give. You can see them in this little hole in my hoof.

"Hey, she's the one who-"

>Made a reasonable request and reacted very understandably when you pointed a gun at her.

"..."

>...We're officially in 'problem' territory, Spike. My loyalty is to my hive, you know that. I've established that. So, when certain dragons go around trying to do some sort of test for the head of my hive and possibly send them on a revenge rampage, we're in issue territory. This is an issue.

"It wasn't supposed to-"

>The fact it was ever a possibility is the problem. I mean... you see that, right? You see how just the possibility that this could all have gone wrong would be something to take into consideration before she had Twilight by the throat.

"She wasn't supposed to find out!"

>She did. She always could have.

"Look, okay? I get it, my plan backfired-"

>Oh, you get it? Fantastic. Good to know.

"...What do you want from me?"

>You know what? Nothing. Just this once, I'm letting you off the hook completely. Just this once, I'm looking the other way. I'll forgive, Spike, but if Canterlot has taught me anything in these past few months it is that being pardoned is not the same as forgetting. If anything like this even starts to be hinted at, I'm taking more direct action. I can do nothing else. My duty demands it.

"..."

>And now that the technical speak is out of the way... Do not fuck with my Queen, Spike. If you fuck with my Queen again, I'm going to hurt you. If you almost make me leave my home again, I'm going to hurt you. If you put us in jeopardy like that one more time, I'm going to hurt you.

"..."

>Don't fuck with my Hive, Spike. We've lost enough, thank you. We do not need another fight.

Briskly, she turned on her heels, and started to walk out.

>I will forgive, our friendship thus far proven that you deserve that much, and I will not act any differently to you... but I will remember this.

Just before shutting the door, she gave him one last look.

>I will remember this.

The door was closed softly, and the dragon was alone once again.

"...Man, this mindgame stuff has some drawbacks. No wonder Chrysalis is a bitch."

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non-canon
>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~
Crash!

"What's going on in here-?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Twilight initially ducks are the gunfire reports only to notice them not directed near her

She can make out a familiar silhouette amongst the ruins of the room

"... Spike?"

>Oh... Hey, Twilight...

Spike stumbles over, feigning drunkeness though he's notably still handling charity safely and the bitterness in his eyes is too clear

"Spike, what's wrong?"

>Jus' some... Bullshit! *hic*

"Spike, enough, if I can't be an airhead, you need to stop pretending to be drunk."

>fine! It either way it's still bullshit. bullshit I brought on myself because instead of doing the right thing, I wanted to take Chrysalis down a notch! I could have just been straight forward and honest, instead, I nearly set off changeling pony war three...

"There's only been one before, Spike."

>doesn't matter! ... Shining Armor gives me some damn talk about dying, you go nuts and it took fucking Chrysalis and Cadence to fix things, 42 hates my fucking guts now, can't even take a decent edge of applejack's paperwork! ... I'm kidding myself, with or without a gun... i'm useless as I was back in the library.

Twilight moves forward and wraps her forelegs around Spike

"You're not useless, you've been a big help. without you, a lot of those things wouldn't have even been possible..."

>Yes they would... Because in the end, all i do is mess things up... in the end, after all this time, I'm still just Humdrum...
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NON CANON

>Spike/Spike's thoughts
"42/Memory of 42/twisted memory of 42"
'twisted memories'
~~~
The unspoken agreement was that sparring between Spike and 42 the next was going to be catharsis. Clear the air and start anew, but each remained stand-offish at the beginning of the fight, hardly even testing one another with jabs and swift strikes.

"you realize, of course, you're a problem for me now."

Spike's guard slipped and a half-hearted punch from 42 grazed him.

>I'm a problem for everyone.

spike got a bit more serious and caught the next punch and prepared to strike the arm to disable, instead 42 kicked him in the knees. Hard.

"Look at all the fucks I don't give!"

>I was just trying to-

"Make unreasonable demands? what's Princess sparkle worth compared to Chrysalis? there's thousands of ponies and too many Princesses but only one Queen."

This distraction cost Spike to miss a few openings 42 had deliberately left for him. Her vocal taunting on his distracted attention was not helping.

"Oh, you get it? Fantastic. good to know you realize how worthless you are!"

'I just wanted to be left alone, Spike!'

'These stacks jus' keep growin'!'

'your A-team is becoming a burden!'

"You're worthless Spike."

'Worthless'

'Useless'

>SHUUUUT UP!

42 actually jumped back, breaking her own combination on the battered Spike while Pinkie, Diamond tiara, and 77 were suddenly paying close attention to the arena.

Spike was now on the offense.

"h-Hey! spike, isn' this a spar?"

>Shut it!

Spike snarled and put a the point of his tail into the harness, disabling it. Spike didn't remember the rest of the right, only that when it was over, Pinkie, 77, and Diamond Tiara were looking horribly battered but still threatening Spike's while a crew of medics were hauling a severely burned 42 away

As he put the pieces together, he began to silently weep before he too was hauled away

'Worthless beast.'
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NON CANON

>spike
"Cheerlie"
~~~
"Huh, they told me I'd find you here. I heard you had a bit of a freak out, weren't yourself."

>And this relates to you at all because-

"I was just wondering if one of mine got loss and into your head. They've done that before. Still, the prison cell's a bit of an over reaction, don't you think?"

>I could have killed them...

"Killed 42, 77, Pinkie, AND Diamond Tiara. Maybe three of four bout I doubt all four."

>Cheerlie, I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood for your insanity, just... please.

"Alright, but... If you ever want to talk, you know where I am."

Cheerlie touches a hoof to Spike's shoulder, her expression becoming serious

"I have some experience guiding the young and dealing with the demons inside."

>Mine aren't from hell.

"Not all of mine are either."

>... I just don't know what happened. My own mind, my memories...

"Everything you remember took a dark and condescending tone? Sometimes I still have nightmares that 77's only patronizing me, that i'm just some conquest of his."

>how do you deal with that?

"I don't need to, if he loves me, which I know, he loves me and i'm happy, if he doesn't really or stopped, life would go on, really. Just another name on my long list of shitty boyfriends. don't get me started on my time with Big Mac, that stallion never gets off his soapbox. But this it's beside the point."

>Yeah, this conversation's really getting out of hand. Or Hoof. ... how do I stop these thoughts?

Cheerlie gives a sad and tired look

"you can't... you just have to accept that doubt is as much a part of us as hope. all you can do is try to keep the latter from being smothered by the former. And no matter what you are, no matter how your body might change, Spike, remember, you have friends that care and family who love you."

>I still need answers.

"We always do. I hope you have better luck finding yours than I have with mine."
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NON CANON

>2
"Spike"
'32'
[Shiny]
(chrysalis)
-Celestia-
~~~
>Hi, Spike!

"Heya, 2..."

>Why are you so sad lately? Why are you hiding in a cage?

"Well, because I'm-"

>Nope, doesn't matter, you need to smile, and so does 32!

'What? how did I get here? I was playing my guitar-'

>do you both know what time it is?

"'Tool time?'"

>nope...

In a burst of love empowered speed that, for points and purposes, was a teleport, they stood before the in-progress theme park

>Partytime!

what neither saw was the note she left

['Takin spik n 32 to partyland, be back latr' ...]

(Dammit.)

-Wait, why are we complaining? we have a genuinely necessary reason to go there and claim we're working.-

[(...)]

-[(TO THE CELESTIA ROCKET!)]-
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>18
"42"
~~~~

The door to the hospital room slammed open, a furious facsimile of a pink princess letting her eyes trail the room until she landed on a particular bed.

>42!

Dramatically, she flung herself beside the bed, hoof coming to rest on 42's.

>42! Speak to me! SPEAK TO ME! NOOO! 42! YOU CAN'T! Come on! Please, you can't leave me like this, I-

"I'm fine, 18."

It took several long, awkward blinking moments before 18 finally registered a pair of deadpan eyes staring up at her.

>...Ah. Not as bad as expected?

"I hoped that playing possum would snap him out of it, actually."

>Did it?

"Kind of? I think I might have driven him insane."

>...Whyyyyy?

"..."

>...

"...fine. I was mad at him."

>No shit? I was mad at the little asshole too. You know what I almost did? I almost put a bomb in his coffee.

"What!?"

>No regrets.

"..."

>...Almost put one in Chrysalis's too, the little-

"It was a reasonable request."

>Oh suuuure. I, too, reasonably request things to be stolen from vaults allll the time.

"It was her file."

>So then she should have fixed Twilight and asked for it.

"...Twilight wasn't really broken, 18. She wasn't driven mad by any sort of research, she was just lying to herself."

>...Ah.

"Which means she stumbled onto Chrysalis when her highness was looking for the file, and she still kept it from her."

>Which means...

"..."

>...Well, she shouldn't have waited so long in the first place!

"..."

>...Okay, scaring me now.

"I made a huge mistake."

>...Ah?

"I did not trust her majesty. I thought her a liar, and manipulative."

>Because she is, she is those things. She is all kind of those things.

"But not this time."

>Goody! She gets a cookie!

"...I was wrong, 18. I did not trust her, and she was right, and as a result I did nothing while Spike plotted and nearly sent her over and endangered my entire hive, everyone I swore to protect. I'm her most loyal soldier, how do you think that makes me feel?"

>It should make you feel sane, because she once played you and punched you into the floor.

"18, I-"

>Okay, you know what? I will bring Shiny in here. You want me to get Shiny in here? I'll do it. If you keep being a little idiot I'm going to get Shiny in here. Is that what you want?

"..."

>...That's it, I'm getting Two.

"NO! Come on, that's not fair 18!"

>Getting her, and I am getting glitter. She is going to bedazzle your hair.

"YOU MONSTER!"

>And. I'm. Getting. Marchmalleys.

"I SUBMIT FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET LOVING I SUBMIT!"

>Gonna be mopey?

"N-nooooo..."

>Gonna keep this whole "Poor me" thing up?

"Nope."

>...I'm getting the hair curler.

"NO 18 NO!"

>Fine, look. Short story, Spike was a dick who messed up. Chrysalis was a self serving bitch who, in a roundabout way, made all this happen in the first place.

"Kind of stretching it..."

>Point is, they're both idiots who almost starting Changeling War 2. We agree on that?

"I suppose..."

>So, then, what are we going to do?

"...H-... hit things?"

>...

Slowly, a rolled up newspaper thwapped her on the nose.

>...Nnno. No. Bad punchbug.

"Punching helps!"

>No.

"...Fine. I'll watch Spike t make sure he doesn't do something stupid, you take Chrysalis."

>Doing that anyway.

"...Is it safe for me to come out yet? I'm not actually hurt."

>Shiny's out there and you just chewed out his little brother.

"...I'll, uh, I'll stay in here real quick."

>I'll get Two.

"YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER!"

>Kidding, damn.

"..."
>...

"...I'm not taking it back."

*TWHAP!*

>Bad punchbug.
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Non-Canon
>32
"32's Hat"

>Oh well, that was a wash, at least I got this before they threw me back in here.

"I was briefly freed from my incarceration to go to Partyland and all I got was this lousy Hat!"

>Good times.
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>Cheerilee
"Zecora"
'Students'
~~~~~~

>Okay, since so many of you have been asking... this is a zebra, okay? They're not, I don't know, some weird offshoot mutations, they're their own sentimental species."

'OOOOOOOO~!'

>That is not 'ooo' worthy, that is just a fact. I could have shown you anything. She is not some weird creature, okay? Her name is Zecora.

"I am starting to feel a little pensive, this is coming off mildly offensive."

'Can she do tricks?'

>Okay, I feel like this is not getting though to you. She is just a zebra.

"Just' is a strong word, there is more to me than my striped coat so furred."

>Look, just work with me, these children are dumb as rocks.

'Can she fly?'

>No... I mean, just, no. Where did you learn this stuff?

'Our mommies and daddies.'

>Wow, okay, so many issues we have to get through. This is going to take a shovel.

"Can I go from this place at last? My friend is likely elsewhere having a blast."

'Why does she talk funny?'

"...Where are your demons, I must ask? If the children need a smacking, they should be up to the task."

>Even they hurt from all the stupid.

'I wanna go potty!'

>Then go down the...

'...'

"...I'm out."
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>56
"29"
'MM'
[Trixie]
{Zecora}
~~~~~

>CUZ! Buddy o' mine my cousin! How is it going?

"I'm not giving you more bail money, I'm tapped out for the week."

'He is. He had to pay for a three hour boat tour that went off surprisingly nicely despite some inclement weather.'

[And the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie has no money for rent this month.]

"Again."

{But it is all for a worthy cause, at least the former. As with every task done, the sky grows warmer.}

>Mmmmkay, can you turn it down in that case? MAN is it a scorcher.

"Did you actually need something."

>Juuuust appraising.

'Oh? Appraising wha-EEP!'

[HAH! Trixie cannot believe he just walked right up and snuggl-OH HEY! GET OFF THAT!]

{Oh my, it seems we are being r-EEE- r-rated... I hope my flank has not grown dated...}

"NO! Bad spawn with your obsession so bizarre! thine backsides of mine fellow warders of souls are not to be-"

>Ehhhhhhhhh.... mmmm....

"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}

>EEEERrrr....uhhhhh... Okay, I'm kiiiiind of leaning towards mayorbutt, cause she's got a lot more softness to hers, you can tell she sat on it a lot, buuuut Not-mom says stripybutt gets her a bunch of bits she could share.... ehhhhhh... leeeeaning more towards... Mayor Mare?

'WOOT!'

"..."

'...It's flattering.'

>Buuuuut... you know what? Zecora's IS bigger, and only a little firmer. Uhhhh. it's actually really close, Cuz. Really, really close.

[HEY! What of the BOUNTIFUL and BEAUTIFUL Trixie!?]

>Not as big as Zebby's butt or as soft as MM's butt. You're third either way.

'OHHHHH!'

{Do you feel that need for another time that you yearn? Magician, I have some salve, but nothing can heal that BURN!}

>Ehhhhh... Tough call. You know what? See if they'll let you sleep on both of them at the same time. I know! It's really hard to convince them to do it at the same time, it's really embarrassing, but ya' gotta go for it cuz! A double-booty plotspot like that only comes once in a lifetime!

"...I will... keep that in mind."

>Cool. Later Cuz! Later ladies, and Trixie!

{OHHHHHHH!}

"It just doesn't stop!"

"...Can we never speak of this again?"

'Aww, what's the matter, Niney? Don't think you've got it in you to convice us for a double plotspot?'

{It is a lot to ask, for not one but two glories on which to bask.}

'Seriously, I see why he doesn't even want to try.'

{Getting us both together would be really tricksy, maybe he should just settle for bronze medal Trixie?}

[EAT MY HAT AFTER I'VE SHIT IN IT!]

'See, this is why you're in third place. Bad hygiene.'

"You two will not stop mocking me for this, will you?"

{'Nnnnnope.'}

"... Like the waters of time, I find myself awash and adrift amidst a sea of mockery for naught but mine own kin's words. Cast out and adrift like garbage flung free."

'Well, sexy talk is helping your chances.'

{Indeed.}

"...Sigh."

'Sighing puts you back into Trixie territory.'

[YOU CAN ALL SO SUCK A STICK OF DYNAMITE!]

"...Sigh...."
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>SA
"Sombra"

~~~~~

>Sombra, we ready to go see Twilight?

"We are not."

>... She said no? But that's unfair!

"She has every right to say no Shining."

>But... this is your life we're talking about!

"She has her reasons."

>What possible reason is there to let someone suffer what your suffering

"Hell hath no fury Shining..."

>... What did you do?

"I may have... been one of the reason she turned to darkness herself."

>What. Did. You. Do?

"I used and manipulated her by... pretending I was a friend."

>Around the time she was her most lonely...

"I may not have been the catalyst that finally set her off... but I fear I played a large part in her downfall."

>Don't you think you should apologize?

"She would never believe me Shining."

>So that's it... Your just going to let her decided that you are not worthy of a second chance?

"I said we won't be needing your sister's help... I never said I was going to stop."

>... So where are we going to get this Moon Opal from?

"If she will not let us go up... Then we must go down."

>... Your not suggesting the ca-

"I would not be caught dead in... He he... well... I would not be caught in that retched place. I've heard the stories. No we must head east."

>East?

"There is one Moon Opal I had considered obtaining in the past... and my research has shone that it has not left the fingers of those who currently posses it."

>Fingers... Wait... The Howling Pit... You want to go into the largest most fortified Diamond Dog den in all recorded history!?

"If I have to, I will."

>Sombra, going down there, just the three of us would be utter suicide!

"You and Ms. Pie do not have to accompany."

>... You'd never get out of there with the opal.

Sombra stared at Shining a moment before shaking his head.

"I must try."
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