Apocalypse Anon in Equestria

*Ka-clank, ka-clank, ka-clank, ka-clank, ka-clank*
>The train rumbled down the tracks to Rainbow Falls, pony trains were not terribly accommodating to creatures of human size.
>They had been offered seats, but they were small and very uncomfortable.
>As a result Anon, Daniel, and Tim were all residing in the freight cart; on the side of the cart was a huge logo of a hand in a circle.
>’Human Enterprises’ was printed across the bottom of the circle, an effort of the past year.
>The logo was crudely painted with rattle cans and stencils, a couple marks of running paint could be seen.
>Daniel was napping on some of the crates, the hard surface of the wood didn’t faze him at all, a skill learned from years of experience.
>Tim had disappeared into the maze of crates a little while ago, something about taking inventory for the trader’s exchange.
>That left Anon resting in the little sitting area the three of them had hollowed out, he was idly reading the newest book in the ‘Human Trilogy’.
>After the media storm died down some pony actually took it upon themselves to write about how the humans got here.
>The first of the series focused on the shut-ins, the majority of which had since moved to Canterlot after realizing that their ‘waifus’ had lives and thoughts of their own.
>The second one was about the caravaneers; all except for a couple of them had settled down in Ponyville with their families and worked for Human Enterprises.
>They were here more for the safety of their families, rather than a driving desire to live in Equestria.
>The last one focused on Anon and Daniel, it was split into two parts, going between Anon and Daniel.
>Anon had read the other two already, they were laughably inaccurate, this one more so.
>The ferals were made out to be a whole lot less terrifying than they really were; the guns were described as none lethal, as a general, it painted their previous lives as a rosy adventure.

>The train began to decelerate sharply, enough so that Anon slid off the crate he was using as a seat.
>Daniel slid off his crate as well falling about a foot onto the planks of the cart; he quickly rolled over with his sidearm out.
>Tim came around the corner, somehow immune to the train’s momentum.
>”Well, that’s our stop. Let’s get this stuff ready for tomorrow.”
>For the next two hours they unloaded all the goods and dragged them to the area where their booth was supposed to be.
>With that the three set up the sunshade and started a small fire to cook their potatoes for dinner.
>Once the sun’s rays departed from the sky they all moved to their sleeping arrangements.
>Anon was shaken awake by Daniel, Anon’s fist made it half way to Daniels face before he pulled it.
>”Whoa, easy there bro.”
>Anon took a steadying breath, before pulling himself upright.
>Tim was already spreading the tarp out; Anon ate a foil wrapped potato before joining Daniel and Tim in setting up the merchandise for the day’s trader’s exchange.
>Mostly hydration packs, load bearing equipment, folding knives, and other outdoorsy merchandise, but there were a few pneumatic dart guns and replica firearms.
>Not that firearms were regulated, but it was a pretty general consensus among the humans, that they shouldn’t be producing weapons for the ponies.
>However, they did produce limited numbers for themselves, not out of any plans to rebel, but rather out of a worry and paranoia that they would need them someday.
>Finally ponies begin to filter in, there’s a commotion as this year’s princess comes through.
>Daniel leaned over to Anon.
>”Who is it this year?”
“I think it’s Twilight? Not exactly too sure.”

>”Huh… Do you know when her next assignment is?”
>The assignment Daniel was referring to was their real job, the one that put food on the table; this was just a side job that had a free ticket to rainbow falls.
>Every few months Twilight or some other pony would find a map or myth referring to a distant enclave or ancient temple, it was their job to go and find it.
>It was the work they could find, Tim already had enough people working at HE, they shouldn’t even be there, but a couple of caravaneers were out with the flu.
>They didn’t have cutie marks so working a normal job was out, and they weren’t educated enough to join the shut-ins in Canterlot.
>Anon waved these thoughts out of his mind as the first few ponies came up to look over the wares.
>He put on his best cheery salesman face and waited for any questions.
“Let me know if you need anything!”
>One of the ponies nodded before joining his partner in poking through the goods.
>Eventually he came over to the replica guns; he picked up the one of an m16 with his magic.
>”So is this the one Daniel used?”
>Anon’s smile faltered a little bit, it was going to be a long day. He turned to Daniel who was busy trying to light a cigarette.
“I think these two want to talk to you.”
>Daniel took over the sale while Anon squatted down and fiddled with one of the hydration packs.
>He glanced over at Daniel and the two ponies; one of the ponies levitated his copy of the ‘human trilogy’ out and had Daniel sign it before making his purchase and leaving.
>He couldn’t resist the slight pang of jealousy, every single time without fail, always Daniels signature never his.

“Alrighty then, you need any help carrying this out?”
>”No, I should be fine.”
>This pony just bought herself a whole new expedition kit, loadbearing vest, pouches, hydration pack.
>She bought the whole deal, she didn’t look the part though, red glasses, grey-blue felt hat, purple cloak.
>It suddenly clicked in Anon’s head, he just sold a hefty chunk of their goods to Daring Do, this should be good for the caravaneers business.
>A celebrity endorsement always helps.
>Anon eased himself upright again, trying to avoid causing any discomfort in his chest.
>The ponies may have great surgeons, but even they couldn’t remove all of the lead shot in him.
>A sudden shouting from the center of the trader’s exchange caught Anon’s attention, his head snapping upright and hand gripping his pistol on reflex alone.
>He looked over at Daniel for a second who had already thrown open the emergency crate, and tossed Anon a shotgun, before pulling himself out a dartgun.
>The two of them took off towards the screaming as Tim picked up the first aid kit and Chased after them.
>The ponies were clearing the way, cautiously looking over to where the shouting was coming from.
>Within a few scant moments of full sprint the three humans made it to the source, the mythical creature tent.
>Lots of ponies pouring out of the tents entrance, Tim drew a revolver from the small of his back as the three of them moved in.
>There, in the center of the cages was an escaped wolf, a really big wolf, about the size of a small car.
>its attention was divided between three cornered fillies wearing very familiar red capes, and a scarred trainer with a chair trying to get the wolves attention.

>Without second thought Daniel raised the tranquillizer rifle and fired, it found it’s mark somewhere amongst the tangled fur.
>It was going to take a whole lot more than that to take it down.
>The wolves head swung around fixed on a new target, it let out a roar, enough to rattle the metal of the cages around Anon.
>He raised his shotgun and hesitate, there were too many ponies still around, over penetration was a problem.
>That hesitation cost him, as the wolf lunged forward, closing the distance.
>It was uncomfortably close to fighting ferals back on earth.
>Daniel started back pedaling, trying to chamber a new dart into the rifle.
>Tim rotate the revolver in his hand, gripping it by the barrel for a makeshift cudgel.
>Anon? He simply swung the shotgun out in front of him, hoping to put up some resistance to the massive beast.
>He managed to catch the wolf’s cheek, but the shot gun stopped dead, it was simply too much mass to move.
>The wolf retaliated swinging out a paw; Anon fell backwards in an attempt to avoid being swiped.
>He was fast enough to avoid death, but still sustained a deep laceration on his forehead.
>The wolf placed a paw on Anon’s chest, the great weight pinning him down.
>He drew his pistol, a difficult task in this position, and fired no longer caring about over penetration.
>He kept firing until the slide locked back, his fire was un-aimed, and his vision was impaired, but the end of the suppressor was practically shoved into the wolf’s chest.
>He must have hit something vital as the wolf dropped immediately, the weight knocked the wind out of him.

>Tim rushed out holding his revolver at the ready as Daniel dragged Anon out from under the dead weight.
>Six ponies rushed past the humans, Anon recognized all six, he had become fairly well acquainted with them since he and Daniel directly worked for Twilight.
>Tim knelt down next to Anon and looked over the wound.
>”Here, this might sting…”
>He handed Anon a cloth bundle to bite on and poured the hydrogen peroxide into the wound.
>The disinfectant didn’t sting as much as he expected, must’ve been a low percent.
>Daniel walked over to gather up the shotgun Anon dropped while Tim began to stich the wound shut.
>It was hard for him not to flinch every time the needle went in and out, so he distracted himself by listening to the six talking to the CMC.
>”Sweetie Bell! What were you thinking?”
>”What in tarnation happened Apple Bloom; you got some s’planing to do!”
>”We jus thought that we could git our cutie mark in exotic animal tamin’…”
>Anon caught Daniel’s attention and motioned for a cigarette as Tim tied off the stiches.
>Anon light it as Twilight began to trot over leaving the bickering families to their quarrel.
>”Is anypon- anyhuman hurt?”
“Nothing permanent.”
>She seemed to relax a little at this, her wings relaxed slightly, leaving a small gap between her body and the feathers.
>”Thank you, I don’t want to think about what would have happened if you guys didn’t get here on time.”
>Anon dropped the magazine from his sig and put a fresh one in, fresh was a relative term, the metal was nicked and dented, the finish was all but gone.
“Think nothing of it… do you have another assignment for us?”
>He racked the slide before pocketing the magazine and holstering the gun.
>”No, not yet. I thought you were enjoying the time off?”

>Anon sighed and took the cigarette Daniel was holding out, as he did Daniel pulled one out for himself and walked outside of the tent to have his smoke.
>Before Anon could reply Tim cut him off.
>”Can I see your ID card?”
“Why?”
>Anon was genuinely confused, Tim put on a tired expression before responding.
>”This is technically a work related injury and I need to report it for tax purposes, to do that I need your H-id num-“
>Anon held out his wallet with the Equestria issued ID card.
>”Huh, your birthday was yesterday?”
>It had passed with no one noticing, not even Anon noticed, he just didn’t consider it important.
“I…I guess. Haven’t been paying that much attention honestly.”
>There was an awkward silence for a couple moments.
“Please don’t tell Pinks, I don’t really want a party.”
>”Did I hear my name!”
>She had habit of appearing out of nowhere, Anon felt his hand grip the pistol before he was able to stop himself.
>Breath in, breath out, he let go of the handgun.
>Fortunately Twilight was on the ball and able to respond, seemingly unfazed by Pinkies actions.
>She must be used to it.
>”We were just wondering who could help us move the wolf.”
>”Oooohhh, yeeeahhhh… I’m sure we could make it fun!”

>Tim finished writing down his company accident statement before tossing Anon back his wallet.
>”You go have your cigarette, I’ll take care of this.”
>Anon nodded bringing himself upright as Tim walked over to the rest of the ponies.
>”When you’re finished can you go back and manage the booth?”
>Anon gave a thumbs up, they didn’t have to worry about theft; crime was exceedingly rare in Equestria.
>Before he turned back around Anon watched as Tim crouched down next to Twilight, she put her head against his leg as they watched the family members argue back and fourth.
>He lifted the tarpaulin flap and joined Daniel outside, Daniel handed Anon his lighter.
>Anon light his cigarette while Daniel talked.
>”Your noggin okay bro? None of that concussion shit I got?”
>Anon took a drag before responding.
“No, I’m still cogent… What do you think about Tim… and… Twilight?”
>”Oh, they are totally banging bro. It’s like hella obvious. How did you not pick up on this?”
>Anon took another drag and thought about it, he honestly hadn’t noticed, and not for lack of trying either.
>This was the first break from work that Anon hadn’t been on high alert for signs of affection, from anyone.
>In all actuality he had pretty much given up.
“I guess I just… didn’t.”
>Well cross another possibility off the list, maybe he should take the initiative.
“You know what? When we get back, I’m gonna find myself someone!”
>Daniel gave Anon a slap on the shoulder, nearly causing Anon to drop his cigarette.
>”That’s the spirit now!... I guess we should get back to the stall, huh bro?”

>Daniel handed Anon back the shotgun and began to lead the way back to the HE booth.
>”This is gonna be hella easy for you, tons of mares- or stallions- ha-“
“I’m not gay.”
>”Hey! No judgment even if you are bro. Anyways, tons of mares have a thing for humans. Hey, maybe we should, like, try out the whole double date shit?”
“Let’s just take this one step at a time.”
>Anon said this with a smile, his paranoia and jumpiness was already subsiding after only a year, maybe it was time to move on with life.

>The rest of the traders exchange passed with little incident.
>Daniel signed a few more books, HE made a few more big ticket sales.
>The CMC and their respective siblings/ adopted siblings all came by to thank and apologize for what happened.
>The three fillies were still blank-flanks after that, it was somewhat disheartening to watch them try so hard and never reach their goal.
>The train ride back took all night, unloading the cart and putting the cart in the train yard’s storage took most of the morning, by the time Anon made it home it was already evening.
>The last few rays of the sun going down, he was hopeful, tomorrow he was going to go out with his bro and ‘test the water’.
>Anon hated using euphemism like that, but they really did fit the situation.
>He reached his house in the human corner of Ponyville, the humans settle this corner not because they were discriminated against, but rather so they could make their own homes.
>Pony houses were really fucking small, just like their trains.
>It was a small affair, enough to live in comfortably, but nothing even considered noteworthy.
>He put the key in the lock, another human thing to do, and turned it.
>Letting himself into the dark room, on muscle memory alone he hung up his boonie hat.
>The instant his hat left his hand the lights turned on, small pops went off as confetti and streamers went everywhere.
>”Surprise!”
>A dozen or so voices went off at the same time, some human some pony.

>Anon was worn out from a long day of manual labor, if this had happened while he still had energy, he might have been able to control his reactions.
>Instead he threw out his left fist into the pink muzzled face in front of him and drew his sig with his right hand.
>His eyes were wide, his stance was defensive, and the safety was off.
>It took him a few moments to ease his mind back into reality and come to terms with the fact that he was holding a roomful of his friends at gunpoint.
>Slowly he lowered his .45 and rested his back against the door breathing hard.
>Breath in, breath out, he flicked the de-cocker on the sig and holstered it as he slid down the door until he was sitting.
>Maybe he wasn’t ready to move on.