Failed to entertain small child in hobo shelter, hitting them with beer bottle. Angry dad goes in to hurt John. John runs to playground with blood on nose and tries to entertain children with balloon animals (IE a condom filled with spunk).
John succeeds in making a fucking giraffe but looks like a mental case (which he is). He then pushes past the teacher and commando rolls into a science classroom. He then juggles the globes of the planet and beer bottles, entertaining the class by being a psychotic moron.
He then suplexes the science teacher after screaming a challenge and bullrushing him. The teacher's head is turned into a charnel house due to the impact of the wrestling move. It is naught but gore and he is dead as fuck.(edited)
He then flees to the nearest building and proceeds to climb the fire escape. Cornered by police, he proceeds to make a hang glider out of a rug a rope, and some sticks. He then expertly glides about half the city in a method that should not be fucking possible. He spirals down to a gunstore, not knowing it was one at first.
Pleased at his destination, he then impotently bashes his face against the door, opening it by accidentally pulling back. He then puts on his clown nose and paints his lips with blood from the injury. He spies a child with a Red Rider BB Gun and decides to walk up to him. The kid fake shoots him and he obliges, doing the Wilhelm scream and falling over.
He gets up, and proceeds to enter a Mormon temple. He then challenges the pastor to a game of fist, and wins with a suplex. Satisfied, he went back to the gun store and steals a carbine and boxes of ammo. He tests his acquisition, breaking the magazine due to being a fat fucking tard. Not let down by this, he proceeds to load it manually, and successfully shoots out a traffic light, thus causing a 15 car pile up.
He tries helping a lady out of the car, but in her fear due to him being a fucking crazy man, she struggles and accidentally kills herself by squishing herself under her car. John then decides to try and find a microcar, but can only find Humvees and Monster Trucks. Undeterred he hijacks a monster truck from a Diaperfur, coercing them to drive it to a playground if he would. Failing that, he then just jumps off upon seeing a family of Bavarian tourists.
He perfectly recreates a Rammstein song via air guitar, using the broken carbine as a prop, entertaining the fat child with them. Viewing him as a German clown, they proceed to pay him two reichsmarks (which in reality are euros, but John is fucking kookoo-katchoo). Curious, John decides to go to the museum, travelling by bus. However, he gets bored at the stop and falls asleep.

Waking up without his coat and shirt, John realizes a museum would be closed and is thus ruffled. With this in mind, he swaggers into a Starbucks to try and trick a manager into showing up. When no manager shows and SJWs reee at his existence, he decides to suplex the fattest fucking one into a small fireteam of betacucks, killing the four of them in the process but leaving hamplanet unharmed. He then goes to the Best Buy instead to sate his desire to break the leaders' bones upon his knees.
He enters the building, and is taken to the head neckbeard. Instantly bored by his nattering, he suplexes him into the sun in a move right out of a Japanese anime. Satiated, he goes back to the homeless shelter he first woke up at. Curious at who the leader of this establishment is, he gives a reichsmark to a hobo to find out, which turns interesting when said hobo is the boss hobo. Undeterred, John proceeds to smash him face first into the concrete, giving him massive amounts of dain bramage.
The bums see John as their new leader for freeing them from the old abusive one, and John instantly decides to form them into a militia. They then go back to the gun store, break in, and load up. They practice with their weapons on the city's infrastructure, wiping out most of the signs and lights in the process. This incites a full on riot response and revolt.
The bums form into guerilla cells, and manage to hold their ground at great loss. John manages to sew disorder by killing the police's lieutenant, but knows he needs to go to the source of all authority: the mayor.
He proceeds to gallop down to his house, throws a trash can through his window, and is brought face to face with a shotgun being held by the now angry mayor. John, weakened from his ordeals, puts all of his will into one final move. With superhuman effort, he rips the gun from the mayor's hands, bends it to a U shape, shoves it up his ass, and then proceeds to spinning drill kick him into a 100 foot crater, causing him to explode when the gun cooks off.
20 years later, the new nation of Australatina builds a statue of their savior, the man who brought true communism to the United States with one kick: John.
And that was what the fuck happened in our second round of Everyone is John.