wierd beavis poem

get beaved: buy now and try later
says the prestidigitator

get beaved? sure, we assented heedlessly,
and threw our money at the unknown needlessly

he took from us great big armfuls of dollars
he said “anak-gonhar-chepanah-beavis-all-are”

he said it was safe, and he’d never deceive us
but he made every one of us all be a beavis

he said, not to worry, it was fully reversible
then he skipped to the harbor and escaped in a submersible

what sort of man, profit-seeking, cruelly beaves
and, having made countless victims, simply leaves?

yes, we’re all beavis now, bereaved and bereft
he cast an all-beavis spell and we’re all that was left

we’re normally lax, and we rarely bear grudges
but we resentfully wonder where that magic mike judge is

so that maybe he could,
if not free us from our cartoon-teenage-prison-bodies,
then maybe give us our lives and allow us our hobbies

so that at least, if nothing else,
there could be a muslim beavis
and a christian beavis, too
i could be a lesbian beavis
a gay guy beavis could be you
with prideful beavis workers,
sundry beavises who toil
clever beavis hands in factories
weathered beavis hands in soil
and countless beavis cultures
all beavis phenotypes as one
a world of warmth and dignity
for every beavis ‘neath the sun.