(JoJo) ASB: We Three Kings

In a universe not too far down the stack, everything's gone wrong...
>Care was last seen talking to a trio of girls with strange hair in the school parking lot.
>Weeks ago.
>He avoided Derpy that day, but she could see him fidgeting, staring into space like a man on death row.
>She wishes she'd stopped him.
>Today, the green outside Canterlot High, mid-afternoon, post-dismissal.
>A flurry of movement that comes out of nowhere, someone in a cloak gripping an arrowhead.
>They plunge before she can react, sharp pain as it buries itself into her ribcage.
>Her eyes go white and she rises in the air as her Stand appears.
>She's no longer in control.
>[Spinal Tap - Christmas With the Devil]
>The Stand crushes the cloaked figure, leaving an unidentifiable body.
>The sky turns stormy overhead, and Stand users for miles can feel the power radiating from CHS.
>But like mixes with like, and Stand users are drawn together.
>To three, the aura is a siren song, a challenge.
>The call in their hearts rings out, in the language they each best understand, to bring it low.
>These three are none other than...
>Erich Rammstein, a Stand user of great power, driven by nobility to fight for his fellow man even as the world spits on him for the trouble. His Stand, ｢BENZIN｣, carries him through shadow toward the aura's epicenter.
>Sonic Youth, pulled by the weight of chaos and circumstance to the scene, wields ｢MEGATRONIC｣, planning to make up for a lack of battle experience by faking it until he makes it.
>And Wooden Bit, homeless and drifting through only blocks away, already used to her Stand ｢IT'S A JOB｣ and looking for something to prove.

>Be Wooden Bit, approaching the school from the side.
>You've happened on a real mess, you can feel it in your bones.
>Woman's intuition.
>Something real nasty is going on here, but you're not worried.
>You're the queen of nasty.
>Still, no use being reckless.
>You keep your Stand close and prepare for an ambush.
>The school seems pretty neat and tidy, except for the stormclouds.
>You have some experience taking cover from rain.
>This is the kind that chases you into the warm places and keeps you cold for a full day after.
>You adjust your jacket and search for signs of life.
>All the kids have gone home by now, apparently.
>The parking lots seem pretty empty.
>There's some kind of side entrances around here, and if you tilt your head you can make out a second floor.
>None of the lights seem to be on.
>You don't know much about how high schools work, really, and you don't care to.
>They're a waste of time anyway.
>You've almost convinced yourself to give up and look for a soup kitchen when you get to the front.
>There's something no-good and freaky there, alright.
>A girl floating in mid-air with a Stand next to her.
>It's the biggest Stand you've seen in a lifetime.
>You thank the stars it's not facing you.
>"A-hem."
>Someone's behind you!
"｢IT'S A JOB｣!"

>Your Stand lashes out as you spin around, glimpsing a tall man in the shadows.
>"AUF!"
>He matches it with one of his own, but you've already recalled your Stand.
>"AUF!"
>Another tries to hit you, but he suddenly can't sense where you are.
>You kick off the wall and dive into the grass for safety.
>He recalls his Stand and glances around in confusion for a moment.
>...Is that a Nazi getup?
>Before you can ask, something wet slides around your ankle.
"Agh!"
>And you're pulled, hanging upside-down, back to this guy.
>By the look on his face, he still hasn't figured it out.
>"...Your Stand stops me from seeing you."
>He'd see you plain as day if you hadn't used your power on your clothes.
"Then how'd you grab me?"
>He shrugs, facing the green of the school.
>"I could still sense your insides."
"Ugh."
>You remember the time you had worms.
>"But it doesn't seem very powerful, if you don't mind my saying."
>Yeah?
>He's lucky he can't see your unladylike expression.
"Let me down and maybe we can find out."
>He sighs.
>"I'm just looking for the source of this power in the air, Fremder. I don't have any score to settle with you."
>He lets go, and you drop into the grass.
>There's a moment of awkward silence, as you ponder the Third Reich and soup kitchens.
>...
>Ah, what the hell?
>You deactivate your Stand, and he notices you.
>You walk up to him, and hook a thumb over your shoulder.
"The bastard's right over there."
>Like destiny, a noise comes from where you just pointed.
>"Aaaaaaaaah!"

>Be Sonic Youth.
>You just got here, but it took no time at all to find the enemy Stand!
>In fact, you're barely on the grounds of this rich kid school.
>You wonder why anybody with a Stand so strong would be here.
>It's literally twice your size.
>You don't let that stop you.
"｢MEGATRONIC ACT 4｣!"
>You keep your power charged whenever you can.
>The other Stand's still a head taller, but it doesn't have a huge-ass sword.
>No, it doesn't have anything, except the person floating behind it.
>It's just hovering there...
[>ゴゴゴゴ]
>Menacingly!
>You charge.
"AAAAAAAAAH!"
>｢MEGATRONIC｣ lets out a mighty swing down on its foe's head.
>The other Stand claps its hands together around the flat of the blade.
>They're both frozen in place.
>Two other people run up from behind the school.
>Great timing.
>One looks really dirty and homeless.
>The other's dressed up in some kind of... Russian outfit?
>Got to admire his courage to look like that in public, you guess.
>They jog over, and the cleaner one stares at the girl floating in the air.
>"She's unconscious, but the energy is coming from inside her..."
>You cut into his muttering, because your arms are getting sore.
"Do either of you know how this thing works?"

>The dirtier one shakes his head and moves back.
>The Russian stares into space for a moment.
>"It's a Stand that's stronger than its user. I think there's something inside her that's making this happen."
"You've got a Stand too, don't you?"
>Homeless nods, Russian grunts.
"Can you get whatever it is out of her?"
>"I think so. If I can just..."
>Something pelts you in the back of the head with the force of a tennis ball.
"Ow!"
>You take a step to the side and check over your shoulder.
>Nobody's there.
>There's just a lemon, rolling away on the ground.
>Then, a sudden blur of motion.
>The enemy Stand spins and lashes out with its tail, knocking ｢MEGATRONIC｣ back.
>You go sprawling as it sweeps over the Russian.
>"AUFAUFAUFAUF-"
>Obsidian fists smash against the tail, and cracks echo against the sky.
>"OOF!"
>You can see him go flying from your new vantage point.
>At the end of the swing, the tail crashes into the homeless man.
>You didn't notice him until now, but he was really close, almost reaching out for the girl.
>He does a pratfall for the next twenty feet, and then you stop paying attention to him.
>The Russian rights himself in the air, tumbling as the storm's shadows turn solid and break his fall.
>He looks wounded, but he's standing.
>From the direction you came, you see something in the distance.
>A bunch of indistinct blobs of yellow, getting bigger.
>They're hurtling closer.
>Oh shit, son.

>You're Erich Rammstein now.
>The Stand grabs the girl from the air like it's King Kong.
>You try to reach out and feel that power again.
>It feels like unclogging a sink by hand.
>But your concentration breaks, and it leaps onto the roof.
>Scheiße!
>"Lemons incoming!"
>The shout comes from the newcomer, and he's readying his Stand.
>Sure enough, a wave of yellow is flying through the air toward the three of you.
>You have no idea where it's coming from.
>"The door's locked!"
>The ragamuffin woman shouts from the front entrance.
>Fich.
>You steady yourself, and ｢BENZIN｣ stands beside you.
>With a small effort, you teleport next to the sword-wielder.
>"That's a pretty fancy Stand you got there, Comrade."
>You blink at him, and he holds out a hand.
>"Sonic."
"Erich."
>"Eric, let me show you what mine can do."
>A dozen citrus fruits arrive first, and the sword moves like lightning.
>Each one's sliced cleanly in half by the tip, and they plop onto the grass, lifeless.
>He smiles at you like he's having the time of his life.
>Then he collapses in pain.
>As more lemons fly overhead, you see the ones on the ground lift up and keep moving, perfectly whole again.
>Twelve lines cut into his skin, drawing blood.
>A lemon flies for your head.
>You duck and see even more coming.
>Doppelter Fick!
>The woman's alongside you, crouching and covering her head.
>"We need to get to cover!"
>You turn and see that more lemons are pelting from the sides of the building.
>You're going to be overrun in a moment.

>One hits your head hard enough to bruise.
>Ignoring the pain, you call up some tentacles to bat the projectiles away.
>There's a thudding pain in your head each time it happens, but it's better than being hit.
>They're still on the roof, so you need to get up there.
>You'd teleport to the roof directly, but you can't take that thing one-on-one without a plan.
>...And it would mean leaving these two to die.
>It's not dark enough there to pull them with you, and you're not energized enough to make up for the difference.
>You'd need someplace pitch black to do that.
>Which means...
"I can get us inside, but I need to concentrate."
>Sonic huffs and sits up.
>"Alright! ｢MEGATRONIC｣!"
>His Stand raises the sword in the air, and it grows to twice its regular length.
>It would block out the sun, if it were shining.
>Your self-preservation instincts tell you to move back.
>"｢ACT 4 REND｣!"

>The blade blazes with a radiance that dissipates ｢BENZIN｣ and leaves a diagonal line of green spots on your retinas.
>It slices into the ground, deep.
>The ground gives, and you almost fall over as it shakes.
>A lemon flies inches away from your nose, and the smoke clears.
>Sonic jumps into the trench he just dug.
>You and the woman follow suit.
>It's long but not wide, and you're cramped between the two of them.
>The rush of the attack overcomes the pain of his wounds, and Sonic grins as he waves a hand at you.
>"Alright, get us out of here so we can regroup."
>Overhead the air is getting thicker with the things, and they seem to be passing by faster.
>They make whistling noises.
"I need to focus."
>"Alright."
>The woman takes off her jacket, struggling against the dirt and rock.
>Then she stretches it out, and carefully drapes it over your head.
>Was im Namen Gott-
>Your eyes stop working.
>So do your ears.
>You're dimly aware of signals reaching your senses, but you can't bring yourself to pick them out and examine them.
>You're Zen.
>With hasty-made constructs to scout the area, you find it quickly.
>It feels like it only takes a moment of concentration.
>The darkness grabs you and your associates.
>When you appear again, you're safe, and there's nothing on your head.
>"Where are we?"
>It's Sonic.
"School basement."

>Be Wooden Bit.
>It takes a little fumbling to find a light switch.
>A dim bulb flickers on through a sticky yellowing film of dust.
>When you can see again, nobody’s looking too hot.
>Around grey concrete and janitor supplies, the other two are sitting for a moment.
>As a born-and-bred scrapper, you’re the least banged up of the three.
>In fact, you’re pretty sure that the Stand wasn’t even trying to hit you.
>Did it not notice you?
>Hmm...
“So. What’s our plan?”
>The screaming guy with the sword Stand stares at you.
>His mouth’s hanging open.
“What?”
>”Your voice, you’re... You’re a girl?”
>Your eye twitches.
>Oho, that’s how it’s gonna be, is it?
>Tall, dark and Nazi quits leaning on the wall and picks himself up.
>”None of us have been introduced. This is Sonic, and I’m Eric. My Stand...”
>He waves an arm at the shadow of the room.
>A completely smooth muscley figure is standing there, arms crossed.
>In the flickering light, it looks almost like it’s cut from black construction paper.
>”Ooh!”
>Sonic smacks his forehead, and his Stand appears.
>...It’s just a little munchkin now, shorter than you.
>Even the sword looks too big for it.
>After a moment, it sinks the sword in the floor, and sits there over it.
>You smirk.
“You gotta leave that thing in water overnight?”
>He doesn’t answer, or look at you.
>Suddenly the gnome has a growth spurt, and gets a little orangey armor.
>...Oh.

>He looks up.
>”What about you?”
“What about me?”
>”Your name, your Stand, why you’re here.”
>You sigh.
>No use giving an alias in the trenches, you guess.
“Wooden Bit. And this is ｢IT’S A JOB｣.”
>Your Stand appears next to you.
>It’s on the small side, as Stands go, just a tiny golden woman, always posing.
>She silently pirouettes in the air.
>”What’s it do?”
>You smile, and a menacing glint comes into your eye.
“She keeps people from getting too nosy.”
>He blinks.
“Here, I’ll show you. Big guy!”
>You get Eric’s attention.
“What all does your Stand do?”
>He takes a breath, pauses, and tries to compose his thoughts.
>You cut to the chase.
“Can you make stuff that isn’t tentacles?”
>”Yeah. What do you need?”
>After a little coordination, you’ve got a black cube in your hands.
>A pulse of effort and the other two look away.
>You flash your power off and on as fast as you can.
>”Agh! I get it!”
>Sonic covers his eyes.
>Eric throws up a hand, casting a wall of darkness over you.
>You dismiss your Stand.
“Uh. Sorry.”
>They recover pretty quickly.
>The munchkin is as big as it was before now, and Eric’s Stand appears next to him.
“So. How are we going to handle this?”

>Back to being Sonic Youth, a couple minutes later.
>You and your newfound buddies are on your way to the roof.
>You just need to make it to the roof, and the rest is history!
>You hope.
>Except Eric can’t carry you all there without exhausting himself, so you have to escort him there.
>You’re on the first floor, looking for some kind of a stairwell.
>There aren’t any windows around the basement exit, but you don’t see any lemons around.
>Maybe that’s all it does?
>｢MEGATRONIC｣ is back to full-charge.
>Wooden keeps looking at it as she walks beside you.
>Eric’s bringing up the rear.
>You round a corner and pass through a bunch of doors.
>Each one has someone’s name on them.
>Sometimes there’s a stretch of lockers, or a wall with a stickerboard on it.
>Come on, you know the second floor’s real, you saw it from the outside…
>Aha!
>You finally find a double-pushdoor, and behind it, the stairs.
>The far wall is made entirely of glass, punctured in a bunch of places.
>Lemons have rolled down the length of the stairs, laying half-pulped on the tile.
>On the other side of the window is a sea of yellow bulbs, stretching to the edge of campus.
>At least none of them are moving.
>｢MEGATRONIC｣ gingerly sweeps some of the lemons away with the flat of its blade.
“Looks like this is our chance.”
>Wooden stoops over and picks up a lemon, inspecting it.
>It doesn’t explode.
>She gives it a small squeeze, and then drops it.
>”It squeezes back.”
>Eric is already heading up the stairs, two at a time.
>The both of you follow him up the first flight.
>You use your mad skills to walk up the stairs backwards, keeping an eye on the lemons.
>You almost don’t notice the motion in the distance.
>Another cloud, white this time, is heading your way.

>Are those...?
>They are, aren’t they?
“Fridges.”
>”What?”
>Wooden turns around.
“Fridges!”
>｢MEGATRONIC｣ appears between Wooden and the window, holding the sword sideways.
>You moonwalk up the rest of the stairs like a smooth fucker.
>She scrambles up after you on all fours.
>The first fridges crash through the window.
>One smashes through the railing and takes a chunk of the stairs with it.
>｢MEGATRONIC｣ blocks another with the sword, and the blow makes it hard to stand for a moment.
>More impact the walls around you with dull thuds, scraping and colliding against the walls.
>Another one breaks through the top of the window and comes straight for you.
>In the lamest example of bullet-time, you can actually read the sticker that says “Kenmore”.
>But before you can move, you feel something tighten around your chest like a seatbelt.
>It rips you backwards, off your feet, and out of the way.
>The white box of frozen death follows you as far as the doors, then skids for a moment and topples.
>You, on the other hand, are lowered to your feet in the hallway beyond by a black tentacle.
>You realize, miraculously, you’re still not dead.
>In fact, you feel pretty great!
“Whoo!”
>You clap your Russian associate on the shoulder.
“Thanks, man!”
>You don’t notice him staring, slightly puzzled, at your hand.
>He coughs and rumbles in a foreign monotone.
>”Kein Ursache.”
>You smile with woozy adrenaline.
“Gesundheit to you too, buddy.”
>You’re both snapped out of the bro-bonding when you hear five thuds in one second.
>”It’s not safe. Where’s Wooden?”
>”Over here! I found a library, it’s got windows!”
>She sticks her head out of a door from the halfway down the hall.
>You nod, and the pair of you dash inside.

>You’re Erich Rammstein, in the Canterlot High School Library, second floor.
>Fridges litter the lower floors, but the structure’s holding for now.
>You can feel it on the roof, or the power of it.
>You wonder if it’s smart enough to understand what it’s doing, or if it’s just a runaway process.
>Either way, it’s summoning these things from outside the school, and it’s doing it to protect itself.
>You’re not close enough to grab the source of the energy yet.
>Frankly, you don’t even know if that’ll stop it.
>But you focus on just getting your chance, whatever it takes.
>Wooden opens up a wide window on the back of the school.
>Fridges are impacting the lower floors, but none have hit here yet.
>It’s built to let in lots of light, big enough to crawl through without hurting anything.
>You peer out and see the two-storey drop.
>Then you nod to Sonic.
>He nods back and his Stand appears, sword and all.
>It reaches out the window, positions its arm and holds still.
>You crouch and duckwalk along its arm.
>Then you step onto the flat of the sword, tilted slightly up.
>A kick off the edge from the shadows under your boots sends you the remaining few feet.
>The Stand immediately turns to face you.
>You wish, for a moment, that it could look surprised.

>You can make out the girl past its legs.
>She’s been laid down on the roof now.
>A fridge whooshes toward you, and ｢BENZIN｣ helps you with another jump.
>You flex your powers, and start spawning tentacles around the rooftop, all of them reaching for her.
>You were hoping to distract it, but it comes directly for you, snapping into existence like a jump cut.
>Its presence is making you feel weaker.
>You have to recall your constructs to dodge.
>Quickly, ｢BENZIN｣ shoves you out of the way.
>The Stand’s fist still connects, and you drop to one knee with the pain of it.
>It’s got ｢BENZIN｣ through the stomach.
>Your Stand dissipates back into shadow, and the pain subsides a little.
>It moves and reappears over you.
>You stand up-
>Oof.
>Okay, maybe not.
>You look up at its figure, rearing its fist.
>...
>No.
“AUF!”
>You smash against its fist with one of your own.
“AUF!”
>This close to this source of power, after this much excitement, you can finally feel the waves of fatigue.
>You’re not used to getting so tired in fights.
“AUFAUFAUFAUFAUFAUF!”
>Your punches are futile.
>Knocking back its fist is like pushing a car uphill.
>But there’s enough time to fashion a little springboard under the girl, though.
>It’s a little cartoonish, but it’s all you’ve got.
>With a grunt, the shadows push, and you punt her over the edge of the roof.

>The Stand stops, turns and dives off of the roof after her.
>Just as expected.
>You take the next few seconds to catch your breath.
>Even without a fancy assessment, you can tell you’re not walking unassisted.
>If it were any specific internal damage, you could just replace what was missing with ｢BENZIN｣ and keep going for a while.
>Damage to your Stand runs deeper than that.
>Your opponent jumps back up to you, cradling the girl to itself.
>She’s unhurt.
>Then it just floats there, staring at you from the middle of the roof.
>You notice some fridges in the distance stop and fall to the ground, unanimated.
>Then you glance around half of the horizon for the objects coming.
>Ah, there they are.
>You see them glinting on the horizon.
>These ones are faster than normal, and they’re glittering with reflected light.
>Broken glass.
>It might damage your shadows.
>It’ll certainly damage you, whether you blocked with your Stand or not.
>You sigh.
“Ach du lieber Himmel...”
>From then, you have seconds to react.
>The Stand is still staring at you, holding still.
>It wants to make sure you don’t do anything tricky, maybe.
>More constructs, below you.
>A series of rapid launches, bearing the corresponding thumps you feel on your own body.
>Refrigerators fly up through the roof, smashing through and lodging themselves into it.
>You duck under their cover.

>The glass shards impact the roof, and your new barrier, but nothing hurts you.
>You’re not the one causing the damage.
>As soon as it’s clear you’ve got a working strategy, though, the shards stop coming.
>They freeze in midair and clatter to the roof with a thin tinkling.
>Then it appears over you again, one arm holding the girl, one at the ready to chop you in half.
>You strain to summon ｢BENZIN｣’s physical form.
>It doesn’t work.
>Sonic leaps onto the roof, struggling to maintain some balance on the edge when he sees the glass, and his Stand appears after him.
>The enemy turns to him for a moment, and ｢MEGATRONIC｣ replies with a barrage of fists.
>They stun the Stand, but the only real damage is on Sonic’s end.
>After a dozen rapid punches, those topaz fists begin to crack.
>His own hands start running with trickle-paths of blood.
>Regardless of the pain, he stands on the edge of the roof without flinching.
>With that sight, you muster up ｢BENZIN｣, and launch yourself towards it.
“AUFAUFAUFAUFAUF!”
>”AAAAAAAAAH!”
>You attack it together, even if there’s so little effect.
>You’ll die here, but you’ll die screaming in unison!
>Beating back an ocean of power to a standstill!
>That’s the potential of Stand!

>You run out of juice again pretty quickly.
>Now you’re laying on the roof, the stormy sky above you threatening rain.
>The girl’s so close, but out of reach.
>The glass you landed on is biting you twice over.
>You’re suddenly very tired.
>｢MEGATRONIC｣’s fists impact again and again, and then they crack enough to send a line up one of its arms, and he falters.
>Slipping, he leans and grabs the edge of the roof.
>Bloody fingers grip the side, holding on desperately.
>And over you, the Stand looms, lifting its hand for another chop.
>You ignore the desire to close your eyes.
>It tears through the air above you in a perfect arc for your neck.
>And stops, a couple inches away.
>For a moment, everything is frozen confusion, and then Wooden Bit deactivates her power.
>She’s standing behind the Stand, glass shards on her jacket, cuts on her cheeks, and ｢MEGATRONIC｣’s sword in both of her hands.
>Plunged straight through the enemy’s chest.
>Its tail is swishing like a fish, but the reach is just barely too short.
>”Sonic!”
>Now that both of you can think about the sword again, the plan comes back to you.
>”｢MEGATRONIC｣!”
>His Stand flits over to it, and grips the hilt with crumbling fingers when she lets go.
>Still hanging on, Sonic shouts to the sky.
>It all comes down to this.
>”｢ACT｣!”
>It lifts the Stand, still skewered and scrabbling with one hand to grip the blade.
>”｢4｣!”
>Then that blade grows, longer and wider, and the Stand’s split up to its head.
>The light reflects along the glass like fairydust.
>It pulls the skewered enemy up at a ninety degree angle.
>And even here, watching this creature being hoisted up, there’s a moment of stillness.
>Then.
>”｢REEEEEEEEND｣!!!”
>He closes his eyes to shout it.
>In one stroke, the sword slices clean through the Stand, dividing it in two.

>Instantly, the two halves fizzle out, and so does ｢MEGATRONIC｣.
>You can still sense the power inside the girl as it shaking hand lets go of her, and she slumps to the ground.
>It held on the entire time.
>She doesn’t look any worse for the wear, although her eyes are closed.
>Wooden runs for Sonic, taking off her jacket and throwing it at you on the way.
>You see her Stand behind it, but-
>You can’t see, again.
>...
>Your resources are really low this time.
>The extra awareness your Stand grants you has been stretched about as far as it’ll go.
>But the space of darkness in a girl five feet away…
>You must.
>Before it comes back, before it reforms and murders you, you HAVE TO.
>You form a pair of tweezers inside of her, pinching at it.
>Just touching it makes you feel more powerful.
>You tug it, and it comes loose inside her.
>A couple of tiny constructs, a hook, a string, and you navigate it through the solid and empty spaces.
>You have to puncture something to get it out of the body.
>A little moving under the skin, and you get it up to the mouth.
>Then you make an incision in the cheek, and pull it through.
>It goes flying, and it’s no longer part of her.
>The jacket comes off of your head.
>Sonic’s there, with Wooden. Their hands are red.
>On the ground there’s an arrowhead, glowing violet-blue and twinkling.
>After a moment, it disintegrates.
>...Was it part of a Stand, too?
>...
>The glass suddenly rises into the air and flies away in reverse.
>Fridges and lemons start returning in streams from whence they came.
>The school doesn’t knit itself back together, though.
>The three of you look at each other, and the unconscious girl laying on the rooftop.
>You all did good.
>You just hope they’re willing to carry you back down.

[Eyes of Heaven OST - Results]

Winners: Erich Rammstein, Sonic Youth, Wooden Bit!

"As long as there's a dark spot clouding my vision, I'll always move forward."

"Wait 'til Ziggy hears about this!"

"That's what you get for messing with a street girl, buster."

Stand: ｢Spinal Tap Requiem｣ (｢RETIRED｣)
[Former] User: Dernier “Derpy” Piege
Ability: ｢Spinal Tap Requiem｣ can cause all instances of an object in the world to fly at relativistic speeds to its current location. Any damage done to summoned objects is reflected onto the damager. It acts to defend the arrow currently lodged in Dernier Piege, and cannot leave the grounds of Canterlot High School.