Rarifag21

Claire (FemAnon) in Equestria with Multiple Anons: Chapter 2

Jul 9th, 2014
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  1. >Once your group gets to Castle Princess Twilight, the Princess of Magic opens the golden doors, and introuduces you all in
  2. >...Y'know, you haven't thought of it, but...
  3. >This could be the exact same group from earlier
  4. >...Plus or minus a couple or so people
  5. >It wouldn't surprise you, to be honest
  6. >They've already seen the castle, so it wouldn't really be anything new
  7. >Plus, they would get to explore the castle at night, if they were really devious
  8. >As you all walk inside, you only hear a couple of gasps
  9. >Looks like you were right
  10. >Only the newbies would gasp at this
  11. >Twilight took you all around the gigantic swirly staircase
  12. >MORE CRYSTALS!
  13. >Jesus Christ, you'd think this was King Sombra's Castle
  14. >It's still impressive...
  15. >Just to think, some silly box brought this shit to life
  16. >Walking past the Library, which is a GIGANTIC step up from the Treebrary
  17. >Still, Treebrary R.I.P.
  18. >Soon, you get to the top, which just happens to be a LONG ASS hallway, full of what seems to be guest rooms
  19. >And Five doors have special cutie marks on them
  20. >Guess who's?
  21. >...No! What are you, a dumbass?
  22. >The other mane five's!
  23. >Rainbow Dash
  24. >Fluttershy
  25. >Pinkie Pie
  26. >Rarity
  27. >And Applejack-holy shit
  28. >Funny, you completely forgot about Applejack during all this
  29. >Wonder how she's handlin' all this?
  30. >You suppose she didn't want her house to be flooded more than it is
  31. >...Rather, barn
  32. >Shit, if she went back into the mirror pool, then she'd be able to make a barn for all of us
  33. >...Then again, a bunch of orange ponies runnin' around yellin' "APPLES!" every five seconds wouldn't be enjoyable
  34. >"Pick a room, please! This is where you'll be staying for the night. I would reccomend you get up BEFORE noon, so we can go through the procedure as quick as possible! I'm sure you guys would LOVE to get to see your new roommates for the rest of your life!"
  35. >Smiles are all around, as you wait for the inevitable question from Twilight
  36. >"Any questions?"
  37. >Every hand, but yourself, is raised
  38. >"Uuuuuhhh... You!"
  39. >She points her hoof at the guy right next to you
  40. >"Can we room with fillies?"
  41. >...
  42. >You're pretty sure five people, including yourself, just looked at him with the most "What the FUCK is wrong with you?!" face
  43. >"Nnnnoo. I am sorry but you can not room with any small children." The Princess says with another confused look on her face
  44. >"Why not? I want to give Sco-"
  45. >SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  46. >You quickly put your hand over the dumbass' mouth, just in case us knowing about a minor character such a Scootaloo a home
  47. >Again, Twilight gives a look of confusion, as she continues on
  48. >"Anyone else?"
  49. >Hands go up once again, but considerably less than before
  50. >Like, ten went up
  51. >"You!"
  52. >She points her hoof at another, one farther away from you
  53. >Thankfully, he seems normal
  54. >"Yeah, can we choose our roommates?"
  55. >Twilight's confused stature turns into one of joy
  56. >"Oh! Such a good question! Well, I'm sorry to say, but, you will not be able to choose your room mates. I will judge who gets who as a room mate."
  57. >A considerable amount of "Awwwws" are heard
  58. >"I WANTED FLUTTERSHY!" One yelled throughout the awws
  59. >Luckily, Twilight didn't hear
  60. >...Or so you hope
  61. >As people filed into their new rooms
  62. >Way more than twenty rooms, you have to say
  63. >Going into the Castle was your best idea, yet
  64. >As Twilight goes into her room, you go into yours, as well, setting a mental alarm when to wake up
  65. >Closing your door, you notice there's an alarm clock on your new dresser
  66. >It says it's... MIDNIGHT?!
  67. >...Holy fuck
  68. >You quickly count how many hours of sleep you can get, just so you can explore the Castle
  69. >Go to sleep now, wake up at 8am, explore
  70. >Maybe talk to Twilight a bit
  71. >Or, pretend to sleep for an hour, wait for everybody to fall asleep, then "wake up" and explore for however long
  72. >...Know what?
  73. >First option seems to be the better of the two
  74. >Plus, you need to go to dreamland
  75. >Maybe say 'hi' to the Princess
  76. >That'd be fun
  77. >Jumping in your new bed, you curl up in your warm as FUCK covers, snuggling the pillow
  78. >Whoever you share your house with, you really hope you'll end up sharing your bed with, too
  79. >For too long, you've wondered what it would be like to snuggle with another human being...
  80. >While, it may not be a human being, it's probably the best thing TO a human being you'll get
  81. >As you think of all the possibilities, you start to drift to dream land, a smile upon your face...
  82.  
  83. >"WAKE UP EVERYBRONY!"
  84. >FUCKING SHIT DOGS!™
  85. >SLAM!
  86. >You fell off the bed, grabbing your alarm clock with you
  87. >...Y'know, it feels like you're never going to catch a break with this shit
  88. >Taking a weary glance at your alarm clock, you see that it's...
  89. >Fucking 11AM
  90. >...You were never that good at not sleeping in, anyhow
  91. >Your sleeping habits maaaaaaaaaaaay be a bit unhealthy, but whatever
  92. >Climbing off the floor, you exit your room, noticing everyone else exiting as well
  93. >Damn
  94. >Quick count tells you all twenty are still here
  95. >Including yourself, of course
  96. >"Now!" The Princess starts out, slamming her hoof down
  97. >"Since you all have chosen to be with me, I shall give you new clothing, and a choice to shower, before my interview!"
  98. 'Choice to shower.'
  99. >Pft!
  100. >Like anyone wouldn't shower!
  101. >You'd have to be the most disgusting pig of a person to not want to shower!
  102. >"Can I just get my clothes and get interviewed?!"
  103. >...God damn it
  104. >Every time, you're getting proven wrong
  105. >At every, single, fucking, turn
  106. >It's kind of annoying, to be honest
  107. >"Yes, of course!" Twilight answers, "That's exactly why I said showering was optional!"
  108. >She's taking this so well...
  109. >As Twilight... SOMEHOW just makes clothes appear out of no where, she hovers each piece of clothing to their respective person
  110. >Such as yourself, who had...
  111. >...
  112. >Oh you're fucking kidding
  113. >THIS IS LITERALLY THE SLUTTIEST THIN-
  114. >Wait...
  115. >Oh
  116. >It was still folded
  117. >Appropriate pants, long ones, along with a long-sleeve t-shirt, with a silver jacket, as well
  118. >Perfect
  119. >...Only thing that's missing are panties and a bra
  120. >You can wash that shit, right?
  121. >Hopefully you land a pony that can wash clothes
  122. >As Twilight leads the FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, that include yourself, of course, to the showers, you take note of the castle structure
  123. >Soon, you all get to the showers, and of course, shower
  124. >Each shower is a personal one
  125. >...Twenty showers, by the way
  126. >Only one is grouped with another one
  127. >You just so happen to be in that one
  128. >What a coincidence
  129. >Double shower action
  130. >And if you had a lover in this... it wouldn't be any more pleasant than it already is
  131. >It's quite horrid, actually
  132. >These ponies are like, what, three feet tall? Twilight standing at four, probably?
  133. >Shit, you're not much taller
  134. >But, this shit is still small as fuck for you
  135. >You have to crouch, in order to really enjoy it
  136. 'Take a quick shower... Uh..'
  137. >Shit!
  138. >What the hell is your name?
  139. >Well... This is a time to think of one, isn't it?
  140. >Three names come to mind
  141. >Tara, FemAnon, and Spyro-what?
  142. >What the hell kind of name is that?
  143. >Fucking Spyro...
  144. >You love that game
  145. >Reminded you of Spik-
  146. >FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
  147. >OH GOOOOOD THE WATER'S COLD
  148. >THE WATER'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COLD OH JESSU!
  149. >FUCK!
  150. >You quickly turn off the water, and start to shake and shiver
  151. >So... COLD!
  152. >Quickly, you get up and rush off, grabbing a towel and drying yourself off
  153. >WAIT!
  154. >Quick inventory, before you put your new set on...
  155. >Robe? ...Where's your robe?
  156. >Welp, that's some shit
  157. >Glasses? Check
  158. >Glasses case? Gone
  159. >Damn it
  160. >Wallet? Gone
  161. >Underwear? Dirty, but you're gonna have to wear it
  162. >Ew.
  163. >Clothes? Still here, new and old
  164. >Looks like you're perfect
  165. >...For the half-part
  166. >You may have lost the robe you had, [spoiler]R.I.P. Robe[/spoiler], but at least you have all the important shit
  167. >So, here's the gameplan:
  168. >Put your clothes on and get downstairs
  169. >Talk to Twilight
  170. >Get a home
  171. >???
  172. >Profit
  173. >So, to start off, you put your underwear on and put on your new set on
  174. >...Maybe you should tie your jacket to your waist
  175. >It's a bit warm in here
  176. >Heading off to the bottom floor in the most TOTALLY RADICAL WAY EVUR!
  177. >Slide down the railing, in a totally radical wa-SHIT!
  178. >ACK!
  179. >..Okay
  180. >So you TOTALLY didn't fall off the railing
  181. >And you TOTALLY didn't grab on to the railing, and now you're TOTALLY not hanging for your dear life
  182. >Gulping, you look down-HOLY SHIT!
  183. >...Okay, so it's TOTALLY not about two stories down, and you're TOTALLY not loosing grip
  184. >...
  185. "HELP! PLEASE HELP!"
  186. >All those times you skipped out on gym class, you're now regretting
  187. >Who knew upper-body strength would be so useful in life!?
  188. >"LET GO!"
  189. >...WHAT?!"
  190. "MATE, AR' YA FUCKIN' CRAZY?! I'M NOT GONNA LET GO AND FALL TO MY FUCKING DEATH LIKE SOME DUMBASS!"
  191. >"JUST LET GO! TRUST ME!"
  192. >...OH JESSU CHRISTU FUCK IT!
  193. >Closing your eyes, and hoping for the best, you bite your lip and let go
  194. >Fetal position, go!
  195. >You can feel the wind brushing your hair to your face, the wind hitting your back with forces beyond compare
  196. 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die!'
  197. >And...
  198. >SWOOP!
  199. >...Huh?
  200. >Hooves... the wind is blowing from a different angle
  201. >...Are you... alive?
  202. >Slowly, you open your eyes, and notice the purple hooves
  203. >And look at that beautiful Princess in her face
  204. >...Never have you loved someone faster
  205. >And never has that love went away faster, once you realized that this is TWILIGHT FUCKING SPARKLE here
  206. >Soon, you're put down, and you can't help but kiss the crystal ground
  207. >You thought you were going to DIE!
  208. >"...You okay there?" Princess asks, worring about you
  209. "Y-Yeah, fine."
  210. >You can't help but fall on your ass, and sit on the ground
  211. >No way do you want to stand up, after that fiasco
  212. >"C-Can you get up?" The Princess asks, timidly
  213. >Humor her
  214. "N-Nah. Can ya help me, Princess?"
  215. >She smiles, offering a hoof
  216. >Heh, you're gonna have to get used to hooves, too, aren't you?
  217. >Grabbing her hoof, you help yourself up
  218. >She starts to shake your hand, as well
  219. >"Sorry that we haven't been acquainted out of business. I'm Twilight Sparkle, no need to call me Princess!"
  220. "Riight. I'm..."
  221. >Quick, dumbass! Think of something!
  222. "I'm Claire. Claire Corlett."
  223.  
  224. >...Claire
  225. >Huh
  226. >Suits you, doesn't it?
  227. >But... for the fucking LIFE of you, that name is the most farmiliar name you've ever heard
  228. >Claire... Claire... Who the fuck could have that name?
  229. >Eh... Doesn't matter, right now
  230. >You look behind yourself, and notice the... quite short line
  231. >It's about five people left, and it's still 11:20
  232. >...You assume, anyway
  233. >"Well, I'll see you in line, right?"
  234. >Heh?
  235. >You turn right back to the Purple Pony Princess that saved your life
  236. "Oh, yeah, see you in line, Prin-er... Twilight."
  237. >You both share a smile, and you walk off to the back of the line
  238. >Which might as well be the front
  239. >It doesn't take long for her to reach you
  240. >She greets you with a gigantic smile
  241. >"Hi there, Claire!"
  242. "Hey, Twile-Twilight."
  243. >Don't get comfortable... Claire
  244. >FUCK, you know that DAMN name!
  245. >"Hey... before we start, how was the fall?"
  246. "My trip to next Autumn was a very nice one, thanks for asking."
  247. >Oh look, you made a pony chuckle
  248. "Seriously, though, it was scary. Scary as he-...Haaay. Scary as hay. I'm glad you swooped down and saved me, though. I mean... what if I let go too soon and die-"
  249. >"Lets get started, huh?"
  250. >...Lets just note that she doesn't like to talk about death
  251. >"We already know your name..." She starts, writing down "Name" and "Clare"
  252. "It's spelled C-L-A-I-R-E."
  253. >"C... L... A... I... what were the last two?"
  254. "R and E."
  255. >"R... E... Corlett?"
  256. "With two T's."
  257. >"C-O-R-L-E-T-T, right?"
  258. >You nod, awaiting the next question
  259. >"Date of birth?"
  260. "December 30th."
  261. >"Where did you live back on... Earth, is it?"
  262. >You can only nod
  263. "Jersey. New Jersey."
  264. >"...That sounds awfully farmiliar to New Hooffy."
  265. >That, was horrible.
  266. >"Sign?"
  267. >What?
  268. "Erm... Explain?"
  269. >"Sign? You're Zodiac sign?"
  270. >...THAT'S A FUCKING THING HERE?!
  271. "Uhm... December? What the f-... I have no idea what December's Zodiac sign is."
  272. >"Don't worry. I know them by heart."
  273. >She starts to scribble something down
  274. >...WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK IF YOU KNE-...
  275. >Calm down... Claire.
  276. >Next question
  277. >"What are your favorite things to do?"
  278. [spoiler]<Murder[/spoiler]
  279. "Play vi-play games, eat, sleep, repeat. Fashion, is also apart of my life."
  280. >"Interesting..."
  281. >As you blow through the questions, she seems set on a certain pony
  282. >"Well alright! That was great!"
  283. >She hands over a pile of papers, and you look them over
  284. >"Meet your new roomie for the foreseeable future!"
  285. "Sunshower Raindrops..."
  286. >"Yup!"
  287. >You smile, getting up out of your chair and beginning to walk away
  288. >"Bye Claire! Feel free to visit the Libr-... The Castle at any time!"
  289. "I'll make sure to! Have a good day, Twilight!"
  290. >"You too~!"
  291. >Chuckling, you make your way to Sunshower's house
  292. >Wait...
  293. >Looking over the papers... you notice there isn't a map
  294. >WAIT
  295. >HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO-No...
  296. >No, this is fine.
  297. >You can just ask around town! Yeah, ask around town
  298. >Why not?
  299. >Walking in nowhere in particular, you spot a filly
  300. >A sweet white filly, in fact
  301. >Purple and pink mane and tail, cute eyes and face
  302. >Farmiliar... but, obviously not important
  303. >As you wave to the filly, you notice two more fillies walking behind her
  304. >Scootaloo, and yellow filly with red mane and tail
  305. >Now where are they going...?
  306. >Of course, you pay them no mind
  307. >But, you manage to bump into who you assume is their supervisor
  308. >Ms. Cheerilee
  309. >Pretend like you don't know her, and continue as normal
  310. "Sorry Miss. I'm new her-"
  311. >"Oh, you're one of those bronies, aren't you!"
  312. "Human, ma'am."
  313. >"Huh?"
  314. "We're humans, ma'am. We were never ever "bronies"."
  315. >"Oh. Well I'm sorry, Ma'am."
  316. "Now... Do you know where Sunshower Raindrops lives?"
  317. >"Oh, Noi's sis!"
  318. >Noi?
  319. >"She's the one with two floors, it's two houses down from Sugar Cube Corner."
  320. >Two houses down from Sugar Cube Corner...
  321. >Great, where's Sugar Cube Corner?
  322. "Thank you, Miss..."
  323. >"Cheerilee. There's no need for the Miss."
  324. "Right. I'll see you around."
  325. >"Bye Bye!"
  326. >The teacher runs off, chasing her three trouble makers
  327. >Find Sugar Cube Corner
  328. >That's all you've gotta do!
  329. >...
  330. >FUCK THIS FUCKING TOWN!
  331. >You're offically lost
  332. >And your feet are offically frozen
  333. >Wait... what's that in the distance...?
  334. >Is that...
  335. >No...
  336. >It can't be...
  337. >It is!
  338. >SUGAR CUBE CORNER!
  339. >And your new home is only two houses dow-holy shit
  340. >Ain't that a standout?
  341. >Getting to the two-floor complex, you quickly knock on the door, hoping for her to answer soon
  342. >"Sis! Someone's at the door!"
  343. >"Can you get it Noi, I'm kind of busy!"
  344. >"Okay~!"
  345. >Clip-Clop-Clip-Clop
  346. >The door finally opens, as a cute lil' filly opens the door
  347. >"Hi there, Mister!"
  348. >That shouldn't annoy you as much as it does
  349. "Uh... I'm actually a girl."
  350. >"Oh, sorry Missy! What're ya here for?"
  351. >She shouldn't be this cute
  352. "I was wondering... Is this Sunshower Raindrops' home?"
  353. >The filly nods, a big smile on her face
  354. "...May I come in?"
  355. >"No!"
  356. >Her smile still stays
  357. >Wait, what?
  358. "Why not?"
  359. >"Because Raindrops told me not to invite strangers into our home!"
  360. "Uhm... Where IS Raindrops?
  361. >"Upstairs! You want me to go get her?
  362. "Please."
  363. >The young filly turns around, and looks up the staircase
  364. >"SIS! SOME GIRL WANTS TO SEE YOOOOOU!"
  365. >"Can't you handle it?"
  366. >"BUT SHE REAAAAALLY WANTS TO SEE YOU!"
  367. >"Ugh! Fine! I'll be right down!"
  368. >The filly turns around, with a giant smile on her face
  369. >"She'll be right down!"
  370. >Nothing but an innocent little filly
  371. >Oh, how you remember when you were but an innocent child
  372. >...An ANNOYING innocent child, but innocent none-the-less
  373. >Soon, you see Sunshower fly down the steps, an innocent smile still on the filly's face
  374. >The pegasus looks at you with confusion
  375. >"Hi there. I-"
  376. >...Then she realizes what you are
  377. >"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
  378. >And the door's slammed in front of your face
  379. >....Grrrrrreeaaaat.
  380. >The wind from the door slam blows in your face, blowing your hair back
  381. "Sigh."
  382. >Knock, knock, kno-
  383. >"GO AWAY, DEMON!"
  384. >This is exactly what you expected from ponies when a human enters Equestria
  385. >This is-WAIT, DEMON?!
  386. >Oh HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL NO!
  387. >You SLAM your hand on the door three times
  388. >"GO AWAY!"
  389. "OPEN THE FU-"
  390. 'C'mon, Claire. Don't let your anger out.'
  391. >Sighing, again, you knock three more times
  392. >"GO, AW-"
  393. "Listen! Sunshower, was i-"
  394. >"Raindrops."
  395. "...Huh?"
  396. >"It's Raindrops. I don't get called Sunshower very often anymore."
  397. >Okay then...?
  398. "Well then.. Raindrops. Just, listen."
  399. >She seems to be calm now, but you can't quite tell
  400. >You're just glad she stopped yelling
  401. "Princess Ze-Princess Twilight has sent me here to be your human."
  402. >"...What? What's a 'hoo-maaan'?"
  403. >This is kind of what you hoped to happen when you went to 'Questria
  404. "I'm a 'hooo-maaaaan'. Listen, just let me in, please."
  405. >"...Show me proof."
  406. "Heh?"
  407. >"Show me proof of the Princess sending you here."
  408. >Shit
  409. >What could you ha-...Wait
  410. >The papers!
  411. >Sliding the papers under the door, you sit down and wait
  412. >...In the snow
  413. >FUCK is it cold!
  414. >"...The Princess' hoofwriting..."
  415. >The door slowly opens, as you stretch your arms and stand up
  416. >"Please, come in. Y-You must be cold."
  417. >Smirking, you walk in, as the little filly closes the door behind you
  418. >"I'm very sorry for not letting you in-"
  419. "Oh stop it. I'm not some royal dignitary sent by the Princess. Twilight had to send all of these humans to a pony so they can be homed."
  420. >"...Oh? How come I haven't heard about this?"
  421. >"Because, Raindrops! You were busy inside working yesterday!" The filly chimes in
  422. >She's a cute one, you have to say-wait
  423. >You feel like you've said that before
  424. "Working? What could you possibly be working on?"
  425. >She mumbles something, before trotting back upstairs
  426. >"Don't trash up the place!"
  427. >Looking down at the filly in question, you can't help but wonder how such an asshole could be related to a cute filly like her
  428. "...What's with your sister?"
  429. >"I'm not sure! She's usually nice!"
  430. >If horses didn't have estrus, you're pretty sure you would've assumed she was on her period
  431. >...And that joke shouldn't of made you cringe
  432. "Well, can you show me around?"
  433. >The filly's face lights up even more than before, as she nods and offers you to follow her
  434. >In a pony-gesture, of course
  435. >So, you follow her to the kitchen
  436. >Weird... they have refridgerators here-Well, okay
  437. >It would be a cheap man's fridge
  438. >It's something like an icebox, really
  439. >Except that ice are glued all around it's walls
  440. >Except for the door, of course
  441. >...Surprisingly, it works
  442. >And the fridge its self is filled with veggies of all kinds
  443. >Two gallons of milk are on the top shelf
  444. >Another great
  445. > 'Cause you fuckin' hate milk
  446. >But, there should be a water pump-Oh...
  447. >Right
  448. >Winter
  449. >....
  450. >Fuck
  451. >She shows you the rest of downstairs, as well
  452. >"And this is our projector!"
  453. >A projector?
  454. >Yeah... looking to your left, you notice a projector facing a wall
  455. >"We use this to watch movies on the weekends!"
  456. >Aww
  457. >You wish you did that...
  458. >Instead, you just spent your time dicking around on /mlp/...
  459. >Family never spent time with you-Shut up
  460. >Not the time to think about that shit
  461. >She leads you upstairs, and shows you the three bedrooms
  462. >"A guest room, Raindrops' room, and my room!"
  463. >The filly's door had her name on it, "Noi", in cursive, with hearts and sparkles around it
  464. >"And then there's the bathroom!"
  465. >She points to the end of the hall, specifically a door
  466. >Nothing out of the ordinary
  467. >Just a door
  468. >You look at the filly with a smile
  469. "Just so you know, I'm Claire."
  470. >"I'm Noi!"
  471. >Cute name, you've gotta admit
  472. >No idea what it means, or if it's even an average pony name
  473. >It's probably not
  474. >Pretty odd, even for human standards
  475. >It's still a cute name, either way
  476. "Cute name, Noi."
  477. >"Thank you, Ms. Claire!"
  478. >Jeez... that makes you sound like a teacher
  479. >"It was real nice to meet you!"
  480. "Agreed. You're a sweet lil' tike, y'know?"
  481. >"I don't know what that means."
  482. "You're a good kid, is all-"
  483. >...The fuck?
  484. >Footsteps, you know the sound anywhere
  485. >But... they were together, of course
  486. >All going at different times...
  487. >Like, a hundred footsteps, all at once
  488. >Almost like a... stampede
  489. >It's getting louder...
  490. >And louder...
  491. >And louder...
  492. >You and Noi dash towards the window, looking outside
  493. >THE AUTISTS ARE COMING, THE AUTISTS ARE COMING!
  494. >A fucking stampede of these guys are rushing towards the castle, knocking around ponies of shapes and sizes
  495. >"What's happening, Ms. Claire?"
  496. 'Autists, Noi. Autists.'
  497. "Nothing. Just some guys that are waaaay too excited to be roomed with a pony."
  498. >Wait...
  499. >You know there's more than last night, in that crowd
  500. >You turn back to Noi, with a harmless smile
  501. "Got any shoes I can wear?"
  502.  
  503. >In your new found makeshift shoes, that were make out of old shoes from Noi's younger days, you and Noi went out and ran past the crowd
  504. >This plan shouldn't work, at all
  505. >In fact, this is probably the DUMBEST thing you've done all throughout you've been here
  506. >But, as far as you know, Twilight doesn't have guards
  507. >You mean, you haven't seen any
  508. >There would've been guards around the castle during the first time you and the others arrived
  509. >"Ms. Claire?"
  510. >Your attention was brought to the little filly
  511. >"What are we doing?"
  512. >If you had a gun, you would of said "hunting"
  513. >And if you were insane, you would of said "Stopping these fools in their place"
  514. >But, you're not, and you don't
  515. >Not in that order, but whatever
  516. "Helping the Princess, is all."
  517. >"Oh, the Princess doesn't need our help. She's the strongest Unicorn around!"
  518. >And yet, you haven't seen her stop a stampede of about forty+ humans
  519. >Or a stampede of fourty+ anythings
  520. >Eventually, you and Noi get in front of the crowd-hey, it was a bunch of fat neckbeards, how COULDN'T you pass them?-and get to the castle
  521. >Hey look, guards!
  522. >And it's not even noon, yet
  523. >...That is to say, however
  524. >Did they really expect this?
  525. >You mean, sure, their autistic nature from last night MAY have been a biiit overwhelming
  526. >But...
  527. >She still hasn't even seen the full capacity of their autism
  528. >If they wanted to, they could...
  529. >Uhm...
  530. >Wait a moment...
  531. >They could...
  532. >Shit, neckbeards can't do shit
  533. >They couldn't even rape a pony with their autistic asses
  534. >Figuritively AND literally
  535. >...You've said "autism" and "autistic" a lot, haven't you?
  536. >But, anyway, you and Noi stood at the Castle Doors, waiting for them to show up
  537. >God you're out of breathe...
  538. >Noi... isn't
  539. >In fact, she's still a little spry
  540.  
  541. >...Huh
  542. >Having a tyke like her at your side could be useful
  543. >...In what way?
  544. >WHEN could she be useful?
  545. >Besides for being a playmate, and a test of your will as you go insane because you're living with a hyperactive filly that'll fuck your shit u-
  546. >"Did you hear that, Gleaming?" One of the guards peep up
  547. >"Hear what?"
  548. >"It's getting closer..."
  549. >Oh shit
  550. >Thinking time is over, fucker
  551. >Time to get shit done
  552. >...Which is exactly what you HAVEN'T been doing ever since you got here
  553. >Whatever
  554. >Gesturing the little filly to stay with the guards, you run up the the fatasses and...
  555. >They couldn't be slower
  556. >They're literally running in slow motion
  557. >It's fucking hilarious to watch
  558. >Plus, what they're saying is practically priceless
  559. >"OUT OF-HUFF PUFF-MY WAY, YOU BAG OF DICKS!"
  560. >"HUFF PUFF HUFF PUFF!"
  561. >That's really the gist of it
  562. >Among other slurs in the mix
  563. >Trying to surpress your gigglefit, you breath in, ready for a loud roar
  564. "STOP, IN THE NAME OF THE PRINCESS!"
  565. >Nothing
  566. >They just keep on truckin'
  567. >Breathing in again, you get yourself ready fro an even louder roar
  568. "IN THE NAME OF THE PRINCESSES, I /COMMAND/ YOU TO /STOP/!"
  569. >They all stopped in their tracks, their mane-haha, get it? no? okay-attention now focusing to you
  570. "Listen, I get that all of you want to see Twilight Sparkle, but you have to have SOME order, mmkay?"
  571. >"BUT I WANT A FLUTTERSHY!"
  572. >Neckbeards...
  573. "So? Nobody even knows if you're gonna GET a Fluttershy. You might just get stuck with a bac-"
  574. >Y'know, you've already spoiled it enough, just by acknowledging the Fluttershy guy
  575. "I meaaaan, another pony who isn't one of the man-Elements of Harmony."
  576. >Smooooth
  577. >"CAN WE GET RAINBOW DASH?"
  578. 'I suppose you want to cum inside her, too.'
  579. "No. She lives in CLOUDSDALE, not Ponyville, y'know, a place for EARTH ponies."
  580. >Again, you're fucking it up
  581. >Get to the rules, missy, before you fuck it up for everyone
  582. "Anyway, just form a line heading to the Castle, and we can get this whooole thing straightened out."
  583. >You start to walk towards Castle Twilight, leading the manchildren along with
  584. >Eventually,-after what seems like two hours-you all get to the Castle
  585. >Taking Noi out of danger's way, you lead the "bronies" inside, so they can get regristered as sex offenders
  586. >Wait... No, that's something different
  587. >You mean, you're sure that's going to happen /sometime/, but not right now
  588. >For now, they'll be getting their free pony
  589. >You really hope nothing bad happens during it...
  590. "C'mon, Noi. Our work is done here."
  591. >"Okay, Ms. Claire!"
  592. >Still sound like a teacher
  593. >You start to lead Noi back home, but...
  594. >Three fucking DICKHEADS almost crash into you
  595. >Spoiled little brats...
  596. >"Haha, sorry, Mister! We didn't see you there."
  597. >Again with this shit?
  598. "Uhm, I'm a GIRL."
  599. >"Sure you are, Mister."
  600. >...
  601. >You're going to kill this bitch, aren't you?
  602. >"Scootaloo!"
  603. >The second filly in line blurts out, walking up to you
  604. >"Ah'm sorry, Miss. Mah friend here is a bit of a... of a..."
  605. >"Cool dude?" The orange filly chimes in
  606. >"Nah, probably somethin' of ah jerk."
  607. >"HEY!"
  608. >The white filly in the back chuckled, covering her hoof with her mouth
  609. >"Shut it, Sweetie Belle!" The orange one yells
  610. >And shut it, she does, going to completely silent again
  611. >The yellow filly smiles at you, and holds out her han-...hoof
  612. >"Ah'm Applebloom. Nice ta meet ya, Miss...."
  613. >These ponies sure are gentlemen
  614. >...Gentlecolts?
  615. >Gentleladies?
  616. >Gentlemares...?
  617. >Whatever
  618. >You shake her hoof, lightly
  619. "Claire. Claire Corlett."
  620. >Soon, the other two fillies introduce themselves as well
  621. >"I'm Scootaloo! The fastest filly around!"
  622. >"Yeah, right." The white-coated filly mutters
  623. >"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
  624. >"Shaddup, Scootaloo." The apple family filly blurts out
  625. >The purple and pink maned filly smiles at her red maned friend, her face seemingly saying "Thank you."
  626. >She then looks at you, with a smile
  627. >"I'm Sweetie Belle! It's nice to meet you, Claire!"
  628. >...Something about that sounded really weird to you
  629. >And... you don't know why
  630. >The three fillies huddled together, smiles on all of their faces
  631. "You three know N-"
  632. >"WE'RE THE CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS!" They screamed in unison
  633. >...FUCK, YOUR EARS!
  634. >Are you EVER gonna catch a break with the interruptions?!
  635. >...Or your ears?
  636. >You're starting to think you might be cursed
  637. >Oh wait...
  638. >The Cutie Mark Crusaders!
  639. >Oh yeah!
  640. >You remember them
  641. >God, is your memory selective
  642. >The three fillies look up at you with smiling faces
  643. "Are you finished?"
  644. >"Yup!" They exclaimed in unison
  645. "Now... You guys know Noi, right?"
  646. >They all nod, Sweetie Belle being out of unison
  647. "Why don't you all play together? That'd be fun, right?"
  648. >"I can play with them, Miss Claire?!"
  649. >The golden filly asks, turning around to face you
  650. "Of course, why wouldn't you be able to?"
  651. >Ignoring your question she runs off with the three fillies, in joy
  652. >"THANK YOU MISS CLAIRE!"
  653. "BE BACK BY NIGHTFALL, NOI! RAINDROPS WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS DINNER!"
  654. >Assuming the little filly didn't make her own dinner
  655. >...Assuming that her dinner is AFTER nightfall
  656. >But, that leaves you with yourself, to explore Ponyville
  657. >And, assuming the sun is at the right position, it's only about 12:30
  658. >...You think
  659. >If you had a sundial, it would've been easier
  660. >Oh well
  661. >You still have Ponyville to explore, all to your leisure
  662. >And hopefully, you'll be able to see them again BEFORE nightfall
  663. >So you can take her home ASAP-Wait
  664. >You just fucking told a filly that she can stay out for about eight hours
  665. >...The fuck is wrong with you?
  666. >Eh, it'll sort its self out in due time
  667. >Eight hours of fuckin' around isn't that bad, right?
  668. >Besides, she's got friends with her.
  669. >...Assuming they won't do the human equivalent of "HEY GUYS LETS JUST JUMP INTO A COLD POND OF WATER AND SEE IF WE DON'T DIE!"
  670. >...Then again, they ARE the CMC
  671. >...
  672. >Did you just kill a filly without even knowing?
  673. >No, of course not!
  674. >They'll be fine...
  675. >You hope
  676. >But, in the meantime, you should explore Ponyville
  677. >Y'mean, in the last five times you went around this place, you forgot where everything was instantly
  678. >Walk your way downtown, meet some folks
  679. >Maybe get a job?
  680. >...That's debatable
  681. >Like a pony would want a human to help around
  682. >Where would a human be useful, anyhow?
  683. >You could give belly rubs to ponies for a di-wait
  684. >A bit, maybe?
  685. >Even then, that seems a bit cheap...
  686. >But, you don't know if bits are dollars
  687. >Shit... How MUCH is a bit?
  688. >You're sure you saw a chart on this somewhere...
  689. >As you ponder about this, you begin to walk
  690. >Nowhere in particular, maybe to a job offer
  691. >That'd be pretty convinent
  692. >Like, that quills and sofas guy
  693. >What if he was offering jobs?
  694. >You could sell the sofas to ponies in need
  695. >Or quills
  696. >Whichever he puts you towards
  697. >Actually, you'd probably be a mover
  698. >Y'know, since, hands
  699. >You think it'd be pretty light
  700. >Ponies are small, and you can only assume that they're also light
  701. >Especially pegasi
  702. >So, why wouldn't the sofas?
  703. >Just in case a unicorn isn't very good at her magic, and finds a chair, or something, heavy
  704. >You could carry it to their house
  705. >...But what about ponies like Fluttershy, who's houses are like, twelve years down the road?
  706. >Or ponies who live in cloud houses-Don't get too stupid, Claire
  707. >That shit would fall and kill somebody
  708. >Looking around, you notice a particular shop...
  709. >"Bon Bon's Bon Bons!"
  710. >A candy shop, you can only presume
  711. >Wait...
  712. >Her name isn't Bon Bon in the show
  713. >It's Sweetie Drops
  714. >So... this is someone else...
  715. >Right?
  716. >Curiosity overflows, as you walk towards the shop, entering it
  717. >Nope, that's Bon Bon, alright
  718. >She sits at the counter, waiting for a customer
  719. >She's fucking bored, there
  720. >Hoof on her check, waiting there...
  721. >Poor girl
  722. "Uh... Hi?"
  723. >And that bored face perks up, immediately
  724. >"HI THERE, CUSTOMER!" She exclaims, her bored expression changing into one of excitement
  725. >You take a seat at a stool near the at the counter
  726. >This place kind of resembles a bar, more than a restaurant
  727. >Maybe it's just the stools that throw you off
  728. >"Oh! You're one of the new bronies!"
  729. >Oh, so she knows about you all?
  730. "It's human, actually. There was a bit of a mistranslation when we first got here."
  731. >More like interruption
  732. >"Ah, I see. So, Mister-"
  733. "I'm a girl."
  734. >Jesus Christ, is this a fucking running gag?
  735. >"My bad. All of the bronies I've seen so far are all males, so I just assumed..."
  736. >Look at the tits, Bon Bon
  737. >Look at the tits, they're not that hard to miss
  738. >How is it that Twilight is the only one that notices?
  739. >They're not THAT small... are they?
  740. >No, they're average, at worst
  741. >Probably D, at best
  742. >Maaaaaybe DD...?
  743. >...Why the fuck are you complaining about people not noticing your tits?
  744. >And WHY are you complaining about your breast size?
  745. "Well, good thing I'm not one of the more aggresive women from where I come from."
  746. >You are
  747. >You just aren't black
  748. >"Well, what would you like, Miss?"
  749. >No money
  750. 'A job, please.'
  751. "You seem a bit lonely. Why don't we talk awhile?"
  752. >Jesusu Christitu, it feels like it's fucking midnight, talking to this pone
  753. >You feel like you're talking to a bartender
  754. >"Sure, why not? I've got time to waste, and merch to watch, rot on the shelves."
  755. >You crack a smile at the comment, getting a bit comfortable
  756. >"So, where're you from?"
  757. "I'm from..."
  758. >Now how do you answer this?
  759. >Do you tell her you're an alien from another world?
  760. >Or do you say "I'm not from here" and be all edgy and cool
  761. >...Fuck it
  762. >/mlp/ would hate you for this
  763. "I'm... just not from here. Nothing more, nothing less."
  764. >"Oh please. You're a new species, that just appeared in great masses out of nowhere. If you were a one of a kind, then maybe I could believe the buffalo shit you're sputtering."
  765. >Woah there
  766. >Calm down, ma'am, this is a colorful place filled with technicolor horses
  767. >Cursing isn't allowed here
  768. "I thought ponies didn't curse?"
  769. >"Whatever made you to believe that?"
  770. >How about the fact that nopony has even uttered a single curse before?
  771. >Oh
  772. >And the T.V. show
  773. >That too
  774. "Well... you guys seem so innocent. I thought cursing wouldn't be the type of thing you guys do..."
  775. >She is VERY different from your headcanon
  776. >...No she isn't
  777. >She's serious, a no nonsense type of girl who works hard
  778. >...Maybe it's just a bit weird, with Lyra not being by her side, bouncing off of her bitterness
  779. >Plus, her name
  780. >SWEETIE Drops
  781. >Average pony-goer, or average 5-year old girl, would've guessed she'd be the sweetest mother fucker
  782. >Like Sweetie Belle
  783. >Ironic, you have to say
  784. >And you love it all too much
  785. >She cracks a bit of a smile, reaching for a shelf above her
  786. >"Well, it's good to know that you're not from here. 'Cause you obviously don't know jack-shit about ponies."
  787. >Wow, okay
  788. >Stop cursing, please
  789. >It's triggering you
  790. >Not really
  791. >But it's breaking your headcanon
  792. >And you don't like that
  793. >She grabs a box of chocolate bars, and opens it
  794. >"Ahh, still fresh."
  795. >She sniffs the air, and her smile grows bigger
  796. >"Want one?"
  797. >Simple question
  798. >...Doesn't feel like a simple question, though
  799. >The way she asked it...
  800. >Like it's life or death, or something
  801. >...Or you could be extremely autistic, and just looking into things
  802. >"Well?"
  803. >Right, you were at some place
  804. "Yeah, I'll take one. Thanks."
  805. >Hope to God these aren't poison
  806. >...Or maybe Jewish
  807. >Then you'd have to say G-d
  808. "Wait... don't I have to pay for these?"
  809. >"For humans, it's free. Take it as a welcoming gift. Besides, it might get get rid of this merch I have."
  810. >For humans?
  811. >"So, about my first question..."
  812. >Oh yeah
  813. >Where you come from...
  814. "Well, we come from another planet called "Earth"."
  815. >"Another... planet?"
  816. >She seems fascinated by the fact
  817. "Yeah."
  818. >Possibly another universe altogether
  819. "There... people are assholes."
  820. >Your mind goes to the people who drove you insane back at home
  821. >"Really? But you're so kind. You'd think the majority were pretty nice."
  822. "Well, there ARE some revolutionary beings, from there."
  823. >MLK
  824. >Ghandi
  825. "Of course, they're just trying to solve the corruption that's on Earth, anyhow."
  826. >Corruption from people like:
  827. >Hitler
  828. >Sadam
  829. >God
  830. >Hey, he made the damn place
  831. >He's responsible for this shit
  832. >"What did they do, exactly?"
  833. "The corruptors, or the revolutionary?"
  834. >"Revolutionary."
  835. >This should be fun
  836. "Stopped slavery, for one."
  837. >And that's when her expression of wonderment turned into despair
  838. >"Y-You... enslaved your own kind?"
  839. >No, not your own kind!
  840. >Just the blacks
  841. >...Maybe killed a Jew, here and there
  842. "My ancestors did, anyway."
  843. >Wait...
  844. >You were supposed to think that
  845. >Fuck
  846. >"That's certainly... interesting."
  847. "Don't worry, it doesn't happen anymore."
  848. >In the first world countries, at least...
  849. >"What else did they do?"
  850. >...Shit
  851. >You don't want to tell her about the guy who killed 11mil+ people
  852. >Nor do you want to tell her about the moon
  853. >R.I.P. Neil Armstrong
  854. "A lot more than I can remember."
  855. >She smiles, putting a hoof on her cheek
  856. >"You gonna eat that candy-bar?"
  857. >Oh fuck
  858. >You almost forgot
  859. "Heh, sorry. Guess that shit just slipped my mind."
  860. >As you open up your chocolate bar, you notice her looking at you a bit...
  861. >Odd
  862. >She's fascinated, of course
  863. >But... maybe a little TOO fascinated
  864. >"What was life like back on Earth?"
  865. >Taking a bite out of the chocolate bar, you-Holy shit this is great!
  866. "Damn, Bon Bon, this shit is great!"
  867. >"Thanks, Human."
  868. >Shit, you wish you had mo-...
  869. >Wait
  870. >You never asked her name...
  871. "W-"
  872. >"Sweetie Drops, Miss. I get mistakened for Bon Bon a lot, but I'm used to it by now."
  873. "Think ya could call me by my name, too?"
  874. >"Well I would if you tell me."
  875. >Snarky little...
  876. "Claire. Claire Corlet-"
  877. >...
  878. >SON OF A BITCH!
  879. >You seriously didn't just name yourself after a voice actress
  880. >FUCK!
  881. >Of ALL the damn names
  882. >Sweetie catches on to your anger, tapping your shoulder with a hoof
  883. >"What's wrong, Miss Bipolar?"
  884. >Clever
  885. "Nothing. You wouldn't understand even if I told you."
  886. >...
  887. >That was probably the edgiest thing you've said all night
  888. >Couple that with the edgiest pony you've met since... ever, you're practically in EdgeTown USA right now
  889. >"So?"
  890. >...
  891. >She has a point there
  892. "Well-"
  893. >Think through this, Claire
  894. >What if she freaks the fuck out?
  895. >What if she tells the masses?!
  896. >...What if she's just mellow as fuck about it, just like she's been about everything else
  897. >...Why the fuck not?
  898. >YOLO!
  899. >...Okay, now you're just TRYING to be autistic
  900. >First, of course, you tell her about Televison, and how it's just like projectors
  901. "Hell, I'm pretty sure someone could make a T.V. from a projector, if they had the right materials."
  902. >And the right cutie mark
  903. >What are you doing with your life?
  904. >You're fucking explaining the concept of T.V. to a technicolor pony
  905. >"Huh. Sounds like something Silver could make."
  906. >Silver?
  907. "And, that is?"
  908. >"Local mechanic. Lives in the far edge of Ponyville, after the local Boutique. They're not that far away from each other, now that I think about it."
  909. >Interesting...
  910. >Note to self: Pay this Silver a visit
  911. >The idea of a T.V. projector is in your head
  912. >You just have to draw it
  913. >...Too bad you can't draw
  914. >"So, your problem is with this... T.V.?
  915. >...Stop it short, moron
  916. >Just think about what could happen if you tell her
  917. "Yeaaaah... It's a bit bumming that I can't watch T.V. anymore."
  918. >God you sound fat
  919. >"Sorry for you."
  920. >You take another bite out of your chocolate bar
  921. "Thanks."
  922. >Mmmmm, shit tastes good
  923. >"You know, it's bad for a business if you're the only customer I've had in YEARS, and yet, I give you something for free."
  924. 'S'not my fault that I'm broke.'
  925. "How are you paying for this thing, then?"
  926. >"Guilt trips. I've been begging the Mayor to not shut me down for the pass three years. A whole new story, each time she comes around."
  927. >...Shit
  928. >You didn't think ponies were assholes, too
  929. >"Funny. I only have this month to get my flank in shape, she says. I was planning to shut this place down, anyway."
  930. >Swallowing your current chewed up piece, you take another bite of the bar
  931. >"Nobody's gonna come to a place like mine with Sugar Cube Corner being so close."
  932. "Well, maybe if you delievered these, instead of stayed in your shop all day."
  933. >She perks up, again, a surprised look on her face
  934. >"What was that?"
  935. >Swallow again
  936. "Delivery. The other big sweets shop is Sugar Cube Corner, right? They don't deliever at all. So, if you delievered and advertised your shop, instead of moping all day, maybe you'd get somewhere."
  937. >She's silent, for awhile, slamming her hoof on the table after awhile
  938. >"Damn, you're right!"
  939. >Please, enough.
  940. >Cursing isn't gonna solve anything, you piece of shit
  941. >"That could increase profits from zero to AT LEAST ten percent!"
  942. >...You guess?
  943. >You know jackshit about math
  944. >"Think you could take care of the shop while I go delievering?"
  945. >...
  946. >When?
  947. "Depends. What am I getting out of this?"
  948. >"Candy."
  949. >Fuck you
  950. "I mean the percentage of bits, smarty."
  951. >"Hm... Five percent."
  952. 'And you must be out of your god damn mind.'
  953. "What makes you think that 5%'s enough?"
  954. >"What makes you think I'm gonna have enough money to pay you AND the bills?"
  955. >Fucking shit
  956. >This shit tastes too good for a measely "five percent"
  957. >"Listen, Human, if you end up making more than what I expect at the cash regrister, then I'll bump it up to ten, maaaybe fifteen percent."
  958. >Dick
  959. >"But until then, you can go f-"
  960. "Alright, alright, I get it."
  961. >She starts to stare you down, both of her forehooves on the table
  962. >And so, you mimic her... soon cracking a smile
  963. >She puts out a hoof, a smirk on her face
  964. >"So, it's a deal?"
  965. >...Shit
  966. >You do need some money...
  967. "Yeah, why not, Bonny."
  968. >You shake her hoof, with smiles each of your faces
  969. >"Report here at 0600 hours."
  970. >...Huh?
  971. >"6AM. Come here at 6AM."
  972. >Oh
  973. >Wait
  974. "Don't you think that's a bit early?"
  975. >"It was joke, anyhow. Come here at 9AM. We'll start then."
  976. >Perfect
  977. >You've god a job, now, Claire!
  978. >You're rising up in the world...
  979. >Of five-per-fucking-cent
  980. "Sure. I'll see you then, Bonny."
  981. >"Right, Miss Bipolar."
  982. >Little shit
  983. >Exiting the candy shop, you look up at the sky
  984. >...Is it three?
  985. >Two... maybe?
  986. >Should've asked the time...
  987. >Whatever, you'll find out on your own-hey look, it's a pony!
  988. "Hey there!"
  989. >She turns to you, and smiles
  990. >"Hey, nice to see you, again!
  991. >...What?
  992. >You haven't see-...Oh
  993. "Blossomforth?"
  994. >"The one and only!"
  995. >Well then
  996. >Lets just quickly count how many ponies you're in acquaintance with
  997. >Sweetie Drops
  998. >Scootaloo
  999. >Applebloom
  1000. >Sweetie Belle
  1001. >Noi
  1002. >And Raindrops
  1003. >Including Blossom, that's now six ponies
  1004. >Ain't you popular?
  1005. "Well, how have you been since... last night?"
  1006. >She chuckles, and lands on the ground
  1007. >"Good, of course. How have you been, Miss-"
  1008. "Claire. And I've been great, to be honest."
  1009. >She smiles at you, a slight blush on her cheeks-Wait
  1010. >What?
  1011. >...Must be embarrassed, is all
  1012. >..But for fuckin' what?
  1013. >"So, what do you need?"
  1014. "Oh, I just need to know the time."
  1015. >"Fifteen minutes to two!"
  1016. >...What is that, now?
  1017. "Thanks, Blossom."
  1018. >"Oh, no problem, Claire!"
  1019. >You wave to her, and start to walk away
  1020. >Now...
  1021. >Fifteen minutes to tw-OH
  1022. >1:45
  1023. >...Duh
  1024. >You're not the brightest orange in the field, are you?
  1025. >So, you've been out since... what?
  1026. >11:30?
  1027. >That's...
  1028. >Fuck
  1029. >About two hours, or so
  1030. >...Not bad, seeing as how you practically killed a filly and talked to a mare for that time
  1031. >Looking down the road, you notice the line coming from the Castle is waaay longer than before
  1032. >Odd... but okay
  1033. >More people shouldn't have come... that'd be a bit insane
  1034. >But, then again, it's a bit insane that ANYBODY came here... at all
  1035. >...Yeah, how DID anybody get here?
  1036. >Did God just get fed up with these neckbearded assholes, and sent fifty or so to the heavenly land?
  1037. >If so, then God is an asshole
  1038. >Why would he terrorize ponies, just to satify some neckbeards?
  1039. >...You know what, you honestly don't want know
  1040. >Continuing on walking to... particularly nowhere, you let your mind ponder on... particularly nothing
  1041. >And why did those people not know their names?
  1042. >Is God so much of an asshole that he doesn't want people to know their names?
  1043. >Or... did he want everyone a new start in their favorite land of ponies?
  1044. >...Not bad, God
  1045. >Terrorize ponies, make neckbeards happy
  1046. >Bit of a horrible balance but... it worked
  1047. >Seein' as how ponies don't seem to mind the humans
  1048. >...By far, anyhow
  1049. >"Hey Brony!"
  1050. >Fuck
  1051. >Is that going to be a normal thing?
  1052. >Are ponies just going to yell "HI BRONY!" every other time you walk down the block?
  1053. >You wave to her, and smiled, walking slightly faster
  1054. >Bronies themselves may enjoy that... but you?
  1055. >Fuck no
  1056. >You'd rather throw up then be called a brony at every other turn
  1057. >There's a reason why you went on /mlp/ instead of EQD
  1058. >May have been a /b/ but with ponies, at times, but at other times, it was fucking great
  1059. >Really fucking great
  1060. >And, what?
  1061. >You're the only nor/mlp/erson, here
  1062. >The idea of going to Equestria by yourself is to meet and fuck ponies
  1063. >The idea of going to 'Questria with others is to hang out with your fellow nor/mlp/eople, while meeting and fucking ponies
  1064. >Not to be the only person from /mlp/, and just fuck around 'Questria
  1065. >With some autists blocking your way, every so often
  1066. >Like, could you actually find someone /mlp/ here... at all?
  1067. >You doubt it
  1068. >...Still waiting for someone to yell "I WANT TO CUM INSIDE RAINBOW DASH!"
  1069. >Oh god that'd be fucking hilarious
  1070. >Just imagine the controversy!
  1071. >...Shit, you've been walking a long way
  1072. >There's the Boutique
  1073. >Rarity's Boutique...
  1074. >Which reminds you
  1075. >You need new clothes-
  1076. >"OUT OF THE WAY!"
  1077. >JESUS!
  1078. >Rolling out of the way, you see Scootaloo scooting along on her scooter, along with the three filies, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Noi, all on a sled tied to her scooter
  1079. >Thank Celes-... God, she's okay
  1080. >"SORRY, MISTER!" The chicken yells, scooting away, as the three fillies chuckle to themselves
  1081. >And soon, they're out of the picture
  1082. >...Fucking asshole
  1083. >You're gonna eat that chicken someday, aren't you?
  1084. >"Are you okay, Miss?"
  1085. >Huh?
  1086. >You turn around, and notice the fashionista herself
  1087. >Oh good
  1088. >You've met Pinkie, Twilight, and now Rarity
  1089. >All you have to do is meet Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy, and you've met the whole rainbow
  1090. "Yes, I'm quite alright." You mock, standing up and brushing the snow off of yourself
  1091. >"I beg to differ. Please, come inside. We can have some hot cocoa."
  1092. >No
  1093. >Fuck off, worst pony
  1094. "I'd... rather not. See, I have somewhere to be, an-"
  1095. >"Oh, I'm sure they can wait. Please, come in."
  1096. >God damn it
  1097. >You mentally sigh, as you follow the fashion horse inside her boutique
  1098. >Passing over the dead body on the shop floor, you follow her upstairs, for some cocoa
  1099. >You suppose you need it, after a wipeout like that
  1100. >Quite GENEROUS of her
  1101. >...Fucking bitch
  1102. >"Now, please, tell me your name."
  1103. >None of your DAMN business, bitch
  1104. "Claire, Claire Corlett."
  1105. >"Odd name, Claire. Although... it sounds so familiar."
  1106. >Huh
  1107. >Apparently Tabitha knows Claire
  1108. >But Claire doesn't know Claire, apparently
  1109. >...The fuck's up with that?
  1110. "That's weird. Have you ever known a "Claire" in your life?"
  1111. >Yes, says Tabitha, I work with her daily
  1112. >"Not that I know of... This is the first time I've heard the name, to my recollection."
  1113. >Too bad you don't know that she's your sister
  1114. "Odd. I just chose that name out of the blue."
  1115. >Technically true, sure, but it was based off of your subconscious fucking with you
  1116. >"Weird... Well, I'm sure it doesn't mean anything."
  1117. 'I'm positive that I'm not apart of a T.V. show'
  1118. "Same here. It might be one of those funny feelings you get you feel like you know something, but you don't."
  1119. >She seems to be halfway done with the cocoa
  1120. >...Wait
  1121. >Did you even see her start?
  1122. >"So, Claire, you're one of the bronies, correct?"
  1123. 'No, I'm HUMAN!'
  1124. >Seriously, you're going to kill the guy that interrupted you
  1125. "Yeah. I'm one of the bronies."
  1126. >"How does it feel, to be a brony, in Ponyville?"
  1127. >...What is this, an interview?
  1128. "It's... okay, I guess."
  1129. 'I mean, you never get the chance to look at so much horsevag in one day.'
  1130. >...That just makes you want to throw up, knowing that some pervert out there is looking at all that horsevag
  1131. >And ponut
  1132. >Jesus Christ
  1133. >" 'I guess'?" She repeats, her head tilting to the side
  1134. >DING!
  1135. >"Oooh! The cocoa is done!"
  1136. >Thank God
  1137. >It may have been short, but you don't think you could take much more of her...
  1138. >She hands you-
  1139. >...Hoofs you-
  1140. >...Magics you-
  1141. >WHATEVER
  1142. >She gives you your hot chocolate, with a smile on your face
  1143. >"Be careful, it's hot."
  1144. >No shit
  1145. >You take it with caution, and sip on i-FUCK!
  1146. >She's trying to kill you
  1147. >She's trying to burn your tongue off, so you can't talk anymore
  1148. >Getting past the fact that your tongue is now dust, it's pretty good
  1149. >"You like?"
  1150. >You nod, however, you wish you could say no
  1151. >Moral alignment stops you from doing so
  1152. >Everytime
  1153. >"Great!"
  1154. "Uhm, can I take this to go?" You ask, timidly
  1155. >She seems to ponder this for a moment, before smiling and nodding
  1156. >"Of course! I'm sure whoever you need to go to is waiting for you."
  1157. >Oh yeah
  1158. >You forgot that you had "someone" "waiting" for you
  1159. >Wait...
  1160. >Silver's place isn't that far from here, right?
  1161. "Two more things to ask..."
  1162. >"Yes?"
  1163. "Which house is the Silver Spanner's home abode?"
  1164. >"We-"
  1165. "Lemme finish."
  1166. >You take a long pause, before continuing
  1167. >Just to fuck with her
  1168. "And, can you please draw something for me?"
  1169. >She tilts her head for a second, before obliging
  1170. >"What's the piece of art for?"
  1171. >"Art", she says
  1172. "You'll see."
  1173. >Another hour, or so, with Rarity, as she explains where Silver is
  1174. >She also draws your idea...
  1175. >Which looks completely stupid on paper
  1176. >The two projector reel wheels pop out of the back of the T.V., stupidly, in fact
  1177. >It looks silly, more than anything
  1178. >But, it works...
  1179. >The picture would be displayed on the T.V. screen, although, mirrored
  1180. >And, there's a place to put the reel wheel
  1181. >It's perfect... sorta
  1182. >"This is what you wanted, right?"
  1183. "Yeah, Rarity. This is wonderful."
  1184. >Abuse and use Rarity for your own personal gain
  1185. >Taking the picture, and your hot chocolate, you head downstairs
  1186. "Well, I'll be seein' you, Rarity."
  1187. >"Of course, Claire!"
  1188. >You look at the clock, before you leave
  1189. >2:58
  1190. >Jeez... There's no way you've been here this long
  1191. >Noticing Mr. Sleepy-head on the floor, you take a closer look at him
  1192. >Huh... it's the avvy
  1193. >Should of known
  1194. >Only an Avvy would sleep this lat-Well
  1195. >You probably would've slept this late, too, if Twilight didn't wake you up
  1196. >...The desire to pour your hot chocolate over his face is too great
  1197. >However... you notice that the shades were down...
  1198. >Rarity sure is kind
  1199. >...Not you, however
  1200. >Stepping over him, you open each and every shade that was on the shop floor, and take your leave
  1201. >Have fun in the sun, avvy
  1202. >Sip sip, on the cocoa
  1203. >Walk, walk, to the pony
  1204. >The walk wasn't really that far, as Sweetie mentioned
  1205. >Soon, you get to her house
  1206. >...You think
  1207. >It looks like every other fucking establishment in this fucking town
  1208. >That's another thing about being in Equestria
  1209. >You're not Pinkie
  1210. >You don't know everybody, and you don't know all the houses down to the greatest single imperfect detail
  1211. >But, you can't complain
  1212. >...Even though you just did
  1213. >You're with ponies
  1214. >All sorts of ponies, of every shape and size
  1215. >It's a simpleman's paradise-Weeeelll...
  1216. >More so a five-year old's paradise
  1217. >Five year old girl's paradise, at that
  1218. >Knocking on the door, timidly, at that, you hope you've hit the right house
  1219. >"Coming!"
  1220. >...Is that her?
  1221. >You wait, patiently
  1222. >...Kick some snow
  1223. >Waiting
  1224. >And the door opens
  1225. >...Is that her?
  1226. >She looks like a brown Lyra
  1227. >"Hey there!"
  1228. "Hi. You're... Silver Spanner, right?"
  1229. >"Yeaaah... What do you need?"
  1230. >She seems a bit... unsure
  1231. >"Oh! You must be my brony, right?"
  1232. >Room with a brown Lyra?
  1233. >Fuck no
  1234. >That's like being friends with a white and pegasi'd Twiligh-Oh
  1235. >Still
  1236. "Actually, no. May I come in?"
  1237.  
  1238. >And there, the two of you sit, across from each other
  1239. >She seems mildly interested in what you have to say
  1240. >Albeit a bit hesitant to let you in in the first place
  1241. >Gotta admit, though
  1242. >The chairs are comfy
  1243. >"So, what do you need?"
  1244. >Oh right
  1245. >Too busy focusing on these chairs
  1246. "Well, I heard you were the local mechanic-"
  1247. >"From who?"
  1248. >Bon Bon, duh
  1249. >...However
  1250. >That may not be the wisest of words to say
  1251. > 'Cause Bon Bon isn't her REAL name...
  1252. >Then again... everybody DOES call her Bon Bon...
  1253. >Well, lets just see how this works out
  1254. "The mare that runs the local candy shop told me."
  1255. >"Pinkie?"
  1256. >Damn it
  1257. >You shake your head, putting a chin on your hand-wait...
  1258. >Reverse chin and hand
  1259. "Well... Bon Bon told me."
  1260. >"Oh! You mean Sweetie Drops?"
  1261. >...Apparently the two names are interchangable
  1262. >Good to know
  1263. >You nod, and she smiles
  1264. >"Yeah, me and Sweetie Drops were good friends..."
  1265. >She seems to trail off, looking elsewhere
  1266. >...It's awhile before you snap her out of her trance
  1267. "Hey, pony still there?"
  1268. >"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah."
  1269. >She's hiding something
  1270. >Hiding something... deep
  1271. >Eh, not your problem
  1272. >"What did you need, again?"
  1273. "I was just curious if you could build..."
  1274. >It takes you awhile to take out the picture Rarity made for you
  1275. >You put it on the table, a smirk on your face
  1276. "This."
  1277. >"...?"
  1278. >She looks at it curiously, picking it up with her magic
  1279. >"What is it?"
  1280. "It's a projector."
  1281. >"But, we already HAVE a projector."
  1282. "But... it's a practical version of a projector!"
  1283. >"The projector is a practical version of the projector."
  1284. >Maybe in your world, but...
  1285. "Just think of the money!"
  1286. >That doesn't phase her
  1287. >"Nobody's gonna buy something this ridiculous.
  1288. >Hm...
  1289. "Just think of how FUN it could be to make!"
  1290. >That makes her perk up, if only slightly
  1291. "Think about how easy these could be to make. We make about a dozen of these, see if they work, then split the profits! And you'll have fun with it aaaall the while! While making some sweet bits!"
  1292. >This makes her gears turn,-get it, cause she's a mechanic? No? Okay-as she seems to be considering it
  1293. >"Alright... Give me that." She says, levitating the paper from your hand to her face
  1294. >Ponder, ponder, ponder...
  1295. >"Alright, I'll make a prototype of this."
  1296. >Alright!
  1297. >New technology in Equestria, here we come!
  1298. >"I'll go to you when I finish it, alright?"
  1299. >You nod, a wide smile on your face
  1300. >You start to get up and leave, but she stops you short
  1301. >"...Where do you live?"
  1302. >Uh....
  1303. "You know where Raindrops lives, right?"
  1304. >She nods
  1305. >Thank God
  1306. "Yeah, I live with her. Just go to her house when you're done, then we'll talk."
  1307. >Again, she nods, getting up herself
  1308. >The two of you shake, hand and hoof, as you both go back to her... living room, you suppose
  1309. >She seems to be going to the basement... for whatever reason
  1310. >You take a quick look around her house, and sigh
  1311. >It feels very homey, in here
  1312. >Okay, now you kinda wish you got Ms. Likable instead of Sunshower
  1313. >She's anything but a Sunshower
  1314. >You take your leave, closing the door and taking another sip of your cocoa
  1315. >She may have tried to have your tongue killed, but at least it tastes good
  1316. >Now... Where to go?
  1317. >It must be about 3:20
  1318. >Blaze it... in an hour
  1319. >You think, anyway
  1320. >It could be 4:20 right now, and you wouldn't even know
  1321. >...You wouldn't really care, either
  1322. >You don't smoke
  1323. >You've never smoked in your life
  1324. >Too much of a Twilight Sparkle to smoke
  1325. >...Actually
  1326. >Twilight Sparkle probably has more of a chance to smoke than you, seeing as how she likes to experiment, a lot
  1327. >Speaking of...
  1328. >You should go check on the pony Princess
  1329. >She must be having a good time, right now
  1330. >...You think
  1331. >The longish walk back to the Castle wasn't much
  1332. >Seeing as how you've done this, what, three times, now?
  1333. >It gets easier
  1334. >"NEXT!" is the only thing you hear when you approach the Castle
  1335. >...Holy shit
  1336. >She must be annoyed...
  1337. >Well, you would be, too
  1338. >Neckbeards are asshol-
  1339. >"UGH! THIS IS NEVERENDING!"
  1340. >...Poor Twilight
  1341. >...Maybe you should go talk to her?
  1342. >"NO, APPLEJACK HAS ALREADY BEEN TAKEN!"
  1343. >Yeesh!
  1344. >...Maybe later
  1345. >She was so happy, earlier...
  1346. >Wait...
  1347. 'Applejack has already been taken...'
  1348. >The words repeated in your mind
  1349. >By who?
  1350. >You didn't think AJ would be very open to the likes of y'all...
  1351. >This... makes you curious
  1352. >The Appleorchard can't be far from here... can it?
  1353. >It shouldn't be
  1354. >You hope it isn't...
  1355. >Honestly, your legs can't take much more of this walking
  1356. >You've walked left and right, up and down
  1357. >It's only the Z axis hasn't made you it's bitch, yet
  1358. >And whichever axis is diagonal
  1359. >Actually, that one killed you
  1360. >Like, straight up murdered you, brah
  1361. >But, whatever
  1362. >That's not important
  1363. >Taking another bite out of your candy bar,-you didn't forget it-you make your way downtown
  1364. >...
  1365. >Wrong way
  1366. >Looking east of the castle, you ponder where it could b-Oh
  1367. >East of the castle
  1368. >Shit, ain't that convenient?
  1369. >...Ain't that the longest walk on Earth, though
  1370. >Well, maybe on Earth
  1371. >Here, it's probably... what? A foot, at least?
  1372. >Confidence flows through you
  1373. >You can run this, can't you?
  1374. >Stretching out your legs, you can't help but smirk
  1375. >You're gonna be Sonic the fucking hedgehog all up in this bitch!
  1376.  
  1377. >FUCK YOUR OVERCONFIDENT ASS!
  1378. >You're not even halfway there, yet...
  1379. >Note to self: DON'T TAKE SAYINGS LITERALLY
  1380. >God... DAMN IT!
  1381. >The FUCK is wrong with you?
  1382. >Ugh
  1383. >After taking an hour's breather, you get up and head to the Appleorchard, once again
  1384. >Hopefully your legs won't burn to the ground, from it
  1385. >After what seems like TWO HOURS, you finally reach the gate of the orchard
  1386. >Opening the gates, you walk through the snow, to the opening of the barn
  1387. >...Shit
  1388. >They live in a fucking barn
  1389. >Somehow, this was never apparent to you
  1390. >...At all
  1391. >Knock knock knock, at the door.
  1392. >...Somehow, this is very scary to you...
  1393. >Y'mean...
  1394. >A. Being on a Rednecks Property
  1395. >B. Big Mac
  1396. >C. Rape
  1397. >D. Repeat
  1398. >You don't want to get raped by a horsecock, in the snow
  1399. >That's not apart of your pla-
  1400. >The door slowly opens, as Applejack looks at you
  1401. >And ooooh BOY is she angry...
  1402. >Ready your body
  1403. >"What the HAY are YOU doin' oh MAH property?"
  1404. "I-I... Uhm... I was... Just-"
  1405. >"Ah was told that YOU PEOPLE wouldn't be on MAH property."
  1406. 'BIG MAC! HAND ME THE SHOTGUN!'
  1407. >All joking aside... you're fucking scared for your life
  1408. >What if you die, right here and now?
  1409. >What if this is your GAME OVER?
  1410. >Just put a GAME OVER logo, right here, right now
  1411. > 'Cause to anyone who cares, you're fuckin' dead
  1412. "P-Please don't hurt me..." You manage to mutter, frozen in place
  1413. >You shrunk to the size of a peanut
  1414. >Gulp...
  1415. >"Oh Ah'm gonna hurt ya, ahlright..."
  1416. >FUCK
  1417. >THIS WAS A MISTAKE
  1418. >RUN, YOU DUMBASS, RUN!
  1419. >You, can't, fucking, move
  1420. >You're frozen in f-...
  1421. >Wait...
  1422. >She looks...
  1423. >"W-Wait... are ya okay?"
  1424. >Worried?
  1425. >"Ah'm mighty sorry..."
  1426. >She takes off her hat, and looks at you with sorrow
  1427. >"Come in, why don't ya? Don't get worried, Ah'm not gonna hurt ya."
  1428. >Oh yeah fucking right
  1429. >She walks inside the barn, and you just sit there
  1430. >Scared
  1431. >Scared for the first time you've been here
  1432. >...
  1433. >"Well, what're ya waiting for?"
  1434. >Gulping, again, you timidly walk inside
  1435. >A-Almost done with the Rainbow, it seems...
  1436. >"Close the door in ya way in!"
  1437. >GAH!
  1438. >...That shouldn't of made you jump as much as it did...
  1439. >Quickly closing the doors, you rush over to AJ as fast as you can
  1440. >"So, how are y'all, Miss Brony?"
  1441. >Don't even want to correct her
  1442. "Fine."
  1443. >"Why'd y'all come to the barn? It's not even Apple pickin' season."
  1444. "Just wanted to say hi."
  1445. >Quick nervous answers leaves a confused AJ confused
  1446. >Silence...
  1447. >"Miss Brony..." She looks to you, with a look of sorrow on her face, "Ah'm sorry that Ah scared ya and everythin', Ah was just tryin' to have a good laugh..."
  1448. >...WHERE THE FUCK IS /THIS/ APPLEJACK IN THE SHOW!?
  1449. >You want reasonable, prankster AJ in the show
  1450. >Not boring, "Do this and you'll be fine, Sugarcube." AJ
  1451. >"Miss Brony?"
  1452. >GAH!
  1453. >...Know what?
  1454. >You think AJ should stay the AJ that AJ is
  1455. >Fuck this scary AJ
  1456. "Y-Yes...?"
  1457. >"You okay...?"
  1458. "Yes, yes, I'm fine AJ. Can I leave?"
  1459. >"How do you...?"
  1460. >Quickly realizing your mistake, you cower, putting your hands over your head
  1461. >"...Ah guess you ca-"
  1462. >You have never ran faster in your fucking life
  1463. >Getting far enough from what would be the Apple orchard, you huff and puff, regaining your breath
  1464. >Breath in... and out...
  1465. >Calm down...
  1466. >JESUS!
  1467. >You fall flat on your ass, hugging your knees, and sighing
  1468. >Note to self: Do NOT go back to the Applefarm
  1469. >Scarred for life, right there...
  1470. >...It's getting late
  1471. >And by that, you mean you're fucking POOPED for the day
  1472. >God fucking DAMN
  1473. >Too bad you haven't met Rainbow Flutter and ShyDash yet
  1474. >Your encyclopedia of ponies would've been completed
  1475. >Well, the mane six section, anyway
  1476. >Still need to go to Canterlot to finish the Princess section
  1477. >...Hopefully Cadence isn't as scary as Applejack
  1478. >But, you still need some rest
  1479. >...And to find Noi
  1480. >Shit, you almost forgot about the poor tyke
  1481. >And it's not even Nightfall
  1482. >Ugh...
  1483. >Well, hopefully something purely coincidental happens so you don't have to do much work
  1484. >...
  1485. >Damn it
  1486. >Actual labor, here you come
  1487. >As you get up and start walking, you also start to ponder...
  1488. >Where could the CMC be?
  1489. >Hm...
  1490. >Well, five places come to mind
  1491. >Rarity's place
  1492. >Your place
  1493. >Their club house
  1494. >Scootaloo's place (Where the fuck could that be?)
  1495. >And...
  1496. >AJ's barn
  1497. >And immediately, two places to cross out
  1498. >AJ's barn
  1499. >And the club house
  1500. >Only because both of those are near, or directly ON the Apple orchard
  1501. >And you already said that you are NOT going back there
  1502. >...Y'know, Scootaloo's house might as well be crossed off, too
  1503. >Only because you don't know where it is
  1504. >Plus, you don't want to meet Scootaloo's parents
  1505. >That'll break your autistic head canon
  1506. >So, that leaves two areas you can check
  1507. >Your house
  1508. >And Rarity's house
  1509. >Now... lets think about this
  1510. >You get to town hall, and sit on the stairs
  1511. >In the show, Sweetie isn't seen with the CMC much inside the Boutique
  1512. >And the only reason they would be your house, is because of Noi...
  1513. >So, that of course, crosses out the Boutique
  1514. >Which leaves Raindrops' place
  1515. >Obviously
  1516. >Good
  1517. >Find out Noi's not dead, and go to sleep in the process
  1518. >Perfect
  1519. >...Kind of assholeish, but, whatever
  1520. >Just as long as you didn't kill a filly
  1521. >As you get up from Town Hall, and start your trek towards home, you can't help but wonder...
  1522. >Are there even any other women in Ponyville?
  1523. >Or even Equestria, for that matter?
  1524. >...There has to be at least ONE
  1525. >...Right?
  1526. >Oh, and just imagine if you met her!
  1527. >...Wait
  1528. >Just imagine if you met her...
  1529. >Three scenarios pop into your head
  1530. >A. If she's from /mlp/
  1531. >If so, you two would talk about which stallion looks nicest, and which one you would fuck
  1532. >That, and show discussion, of course
  1533. >B. EQD/Le Redditz
  1534. >She can go fuck herself for all you care
  1535. >C. Tumblr
  1536. 'What dead body? I didn't hide no dead body. I don't have no idea whatchu talkin' bout, massah.'
  1537. >Although, you might just make rivals with her if she IS from Tumblr
  1538. >Shit, you might just convince her to join your side, after you show her that "Hey, ponies say you fucking suck, bitch"
  1539. >...Then again, she might just say something like "ThAT'S NOT WHAT THEY WOULD REALLY SAY!"
  1540. >...This is real life, dumbass
  1541. >What they're saying now, is EXACTLY what they would say if the subject was brought up to them
  1542. > 'Cause, y'know, THIS IS REAL FUCKING LIFE
  1543. >Oh look, you're home
  1544. >That was fast
  1545. >Usually, you'd have to explore the concept of male-feminists before even being halfway there
  1546. >Knock three times, Dorothy, and you'll be sent home
  1547. >One
  1548. >Two
  1549. >Th-
  1550. >"It's, open."
  1551. >...That was harsh
  1552. >Slowly opening the door, you find that an angry Raindrops and a Noi, wrapped in a towel, shivering
  1553. >She has a smile on her face, though
  1554. >That's good... you guess?
  1555. >"H-H-H-H-Hi, M-M-M-M-Miss, Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Claire!"
  1556. >"Care to explain, "Ms. Claire"?"
  1557. >...
  1558. >Fuck
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