Kissing Booth 6: Country Wisdom

>You are Anon
>And...no, you know what?  Fuck this shit
>You are tired, really tired
>This week has been one of the most excruciating weeks of your entire goddamn life
>Every fucking day Rainbow Dash knocks you out of bed, you don't even want to know how she keeps getting into your locked house every morning, and takes you off to star in the remake of the first 45 minutes of  Full Metal Jacket
>Minus the whole "shooting the drill instructor" part, although the 2 weeks aren't over, anything can happen
>You are tired, you are bruised, your muscles are aching, and worst of all, you are fucking SOBER, you don't feel like narrating anything right now
>Can't we see if someone else wants to do this?
>We haven't heard from Rarity yet, maybe she has something to say about all this?  No?  Fuck
>What about Twilight?  Anything new with her?  Or, or maybe Fluttershy?  She's been acting all weird, maybe we could get back in her head for a bit?
>Rainbow Dash: "Dude, you want me to take this?"
>Please, just fucking please do this for me
>Rainbow Dash: "Alright, alright, quit your whining.  Geez..."
----------------------------------
>You are Rainbow Dash
>And you have to admit, this past week has been pretty fun
>Anon didn't think so, but you couldn't really care less
>This wasn't about him, well okay...that might not be completely true
>It was about both of you
>When Anon approached you to try and smooth things over between you, you were pretty skeptical
>After all, he didn't have a lot of reason to suddenly be all "let's bury the hatchet"
>You think that's a human saying for "get the buck over it"
>You...you really hadn't given him much a reason to be like that, you remember with a frown
>That was what these two weeks of constant working out together were for
>A test
>A way to tell just how apologetic this strange creature from another world really was
>After all, you had heard apologies like that before...you WERE NOT about to be duped
>Not again...
>"Well, yer certainly workin' hard!"
>Your old buddy Applejack breaks you from your thoughts
>You're currently sitting in the shade of one of her apple trees, guzzling some water from your canteen
>You finish guzzling and wipe the excess water from your mouth with a satisfied sigh
"Hey!  I just bucked, like, a whole bunch of those apple trees!  And that's after Anon and I ran 10 miles this morning, did about a hundred pushups, like 120 situps, went kayaking, AND did some rock climbing!"
>Did you know how to fill the day, or did you?
>"Then why is Anon out there still buckin' when yer sittin' here in the shade?"
>You look over at your workout buddy
>About 30 yards away, the giant ape creature is indeed bucking apple trees
>Or, his version of bucking
>Turns out, humans couldn't really kick the way p0nies could, not with enough force to get apples out of a tree anyway
>So instead, he opted to use a sledgehammer to smack the trees in a way that was like bucking, and got the same results
>Gotta hand it to Anon, humans ARE pretty industrious
>If not funny to watch workout
>Anon was dripping with sweat, his mane was soaked, his breath was ragged, every swing brought forth several grunts of pain and discomfort
>He was also muttering curses and kept asking for somep0ny named "god" to kill him now
>You chuckled, you were probably getting WAY too much satisfaction out of this
>"Well?"
>Applejack still wanted an answer to her question, she could be so nosy sometimes...
"Come on, AJ.  Even I need a break from time to time, and Anon just got done with his.  After we're done here, we're gonna hit the gym and do some weight training"
>"Well, go easy on him, Dash.  Ah'm not sure Anon is as used to physical activity the way ya'll are"
>Another swing and THWACK!
>Apples come tumbling out the tree Anon is standing under and the human falls to one knee, panting heavily
>"In fact, Ah'm pretty sure he ain't..."
>You splash some water on your face
>"Ah, don't worry about him, Applejack.  I'm not gonna push my workout buddy past what he can handle"
>"Well, if'n ya'll say so.  So..."
>She raises a brow at you
>"Have ya'll two been, ya know, gettin' along all right?"
>You rub the water out of your eyes
"Yep!  Anon's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him.  Pretty funny, likes a good prank, and has a couple of awesome stories from his world...kind of a whiner, though..."
>You look back at your workout buddy who has risen from his knee, still breathing hard and cursing, as he starts to gather the loose apples into some buckets
>"Rainbow, you think EVERYp0ny's a whiner"
>You scrunch up your face at her
"Okayyy, maybe that's true.  But if there's one thing I've learned about humans this past week it's that there's no quit in them"
>"What makes ya say that?"
"Well, think about it.  Anon gets suddenly ripped from his world, his home, his friends and family.  But does that stop him?  Nope!  He gets right out there and finds a job, buys a house, and survives in a totally different place with no other humans around at all.  If you ask me, that's pretty impressive"
>"Never really thought about it like that..."
>You continue
"And when it comes to working out, Anon's surprisingly athletic, he can almost keep up with me!
>You chuckle as you lift the canteen back to your lips
"Heh, ALMOST..."
>Finishing your drink, you lower the canteen until you can see Applejack again
>She's grinning knowingly at you
"What?"
>"So...you really think all of that about ol' Anon, huh?"
>Her grin is putting you off a bit
"Yeah, so?"
>"Oh, nothin'"
>She states, innocently looking off into the distance
>"Just wonderin' if all this exercise stuff, all this "gettin' Anon in shape" is for him..."
>She turns back to you with the same impish grin
>"Or fer you"
>The buck was that supposed to mean?
"Duh!  Of course it's for me!"
>She raises her eyebrows at you
"I mean, you know, I need to spend some time with Anon so I can really see if he's worthy of my forgiveness, you know that"
>"Ah see..."
>She turns her head away from you to look back at Anon
>She sees?  What the hay does she see?
>Before you can ask, she calls out to your workout buddy
>"Hey, Anon!"
>He turns angrily from his work
>"WHAT!?"
>"Well, howdy to you too, mister!  Hey, isn't that the shirt Rarity made for ya?!"
>He looks at his sweat-stained...what did he call it?  A "tee-shirt"?  And then back at Applejack
>"Yeah, so?!"
>"Well, I reckon she'd be mighty upset if'n ya'll got it all sweaty and dirty like yer doin'!  Best you should take it off to avoid her gettin' mad!"
>Clearly too tired to argue, Anon hastily tears the shirt off of his head and stuffs it in his back pocket
>He stands now, bare chested, with his hands out to his side
>"Happy?!"
>"Ah would be, if ya'll weren't standin' there like a hog waitin' for his slop instead of buckin' them apple trees!"
>Anon's hands fall to his sides, he shakes his head, much too exhausted to yell anymore and slowly reaches for his sledgehammer
>"Well, well, well..."
>Applejack keeps her eyes fixed on Anon even though you know she's talking to you again
>"Looks like you've made some serious progress with him"
>Sweet Celestia, she was right
>You HAD made some serious progress with Anon
>With that piece of clothing out of the way, you could easily see the fruits of your labor
>Anon was never really all that out of shape, but now?  After an entire week filled with intense exercise?
>He looked...leaner...more muscular
>His chest and forelegs looked bigger
>His midsection had become thinner, the strange lumps of muscle on his stomach were much more pronounced and defined...
>Without a coat of hair like a p0ny, it was much easier to see how his muscles moved and stretched under his skin
>Each swing of the hammer made some of them ripple and others bulge...
>As you guiltily drank in the sight of your workout buddy, old feelings began to stir, ones you didn't think you could feel anymore...
>"Don'tcha think so, Dash?"
>You practically jump at the sound of her voice, you realize now she's been studying you intently
"Uhh, yeahhh, yeah...heh, that's what working out with the Dash will do for you!"
>You're feeling really, really uneasy right now with Applejack studying you
>"Ah thought so..."
>She states softly and turns to leave, chuckling as she goes
>'She thought so?'
>Oh no, bitch, you are not getting away that easily
"Hey!  What are you getting at anyway?!"
>She turns back around to face you
>Seeing the anger in your face, she bursts out laughing
>"Oh, Rainbow Dash, do Ah REALLY gotta spell it out for ya?"
>Part of you kind of wishes she would...the other part really doesn't want to hear what she might say
"Well...maybe you should so we're on the same page here"
>She chuckles and shakes her head
>"Ya really don't see it?  'Cause what Ah see is you treating Anon like garbage, he gives you one monster of a kiss, you get all 'angry' and fly off, then you spend two weeks with him tryin' to get him to quit his drinkin' ways and get him all nice and buff so you can make him one hay of a special somep0ny"
>At the words "special somep0ny" you can almost feel your jaw drop off of your face
>"Well, Ah guess in this case it would be 'special somehuman' or somethin' like that"
"You...you CAN'T be serious..."
>She strikes a pose, putting her head in the air
>"Sure am.  That's how mah granny smith got shacked up with mah grandpappy, well, more or less"
>She laughs again at your shocked face
>"It's a love story old as time, Dash.  Ah reckon you're fixin' to add to that book, so to speak"
>You can't believe your ears
>AJ thinks that YOU want ANON like that?  He's a flippin' monkey, for Celestia's sake!  Not that you had a problem or anything with p0nies dating or marrying outside their species, but ANON!?
>Give me a bucking break
>Time to set this mare straight
"Hey!  That is NOT what is going on here!  As far as I'm concerned, Anon is a weird alien monkey that I'm just working out with!  And besides, even if I DID think about him that way, I'm still trying to figure out if he's even good enough to forgive for humiliating me last week!  Nothing more!"
>AJ doesn't look like she's buying it, but her laughter has subsided
>"Well...if ya'll say so...but it's your loss, RD"
>What?
"My loss?"
>She looks past you, back at Anon still "bucking" trees
>"Yup.  Ah'd let that 'monkey' go ape on me, if'n you'll pardon mah language"
>You weren't sure it was possible to be more shocked than you were a moment ago, but damn if AJ wasn't hitting you with the crazy shit today
>You feel your mouth opening almost on its own
"Y-you...you just stay away from him!"
>Your eyes go wide and you clamp a hoof to your mouth
>What the bucking buck was that?!  Why in Tartarus would you say something like that?  Was this heat really getting to you that much?
>Even AJ is shocked at your outburst
>Her shock fades, of course, into more laughter
>"Bahaha!  Oh, don't you worry sweet-heart!  Ah wouldn't try an' come between such a cute couple!"
>Your face feels like it's on fire
>Dammit! That-that wasn't what you meant!  You swear!
>Applejack's laughter finally dies down
>Without waiting for you to get a word in edgewise, she fixes you with a serious gaze
>"Look, Dash, Ah don't know what your plans are with Anon.  Ah don't actually know what you feel about him, ah mean ah can take a pretty good guess...but, take it from me"
>She leans in closer
>"Don't try to change him into somethin' he might not be.  He just might not be that prince charmin' yer tryin' to make him into.  And even if you could change him, that wouldn't be fair to him.  Just keep that in mind, okay sugar cube?"
>You can tell she's being serious now, but that doesn't make you any less annoyed or embarrassed
"Pssh.  Yeah, okay, thanks mom.  I think I can handle my feminine wiles"
>You abruptly do a 180 and head back towards the orchard
>Applejack calls out after you
>"Just don't forget to tell your special somehuman to get the south field before ya'll head out!"
>Special somehuman...as if...
>Still...a small part of you can't shake the things she said
>Anon reminded you a lot of...certain p0nies in your life
>Certain p0nies who had been very, very close to you...
>You sneer
>Certain p0nies who were backstabbing users, p0nies who didn't really love you, p0nies who...
>Bury it, Dash, bucking bury that shit
>You knew Applejack was right about one thing
>The fact that you can't change somep0ny just because you wanted them to change
>You knew that fact very well
>Learning that lesson had cost you a lot, you weren't about to forget it
>That was why this little experiment with Anonymous WASN'T some naive school filly's attempt to change some stallion
>No, this was investigation
>You wanted to find out just what made Anon tick, where his heart and head were
>If you didn't like what you saw, if he turned out to be just like all the others who had hurt you, then buck him, he'll get no forgiveness or apology from you
>A thought gives you pause...
>But what happens if you DO like what you see?
>To be honest, you hadn't really considered that option, you had kind of expected Anon to just up and let you down
>But...he hadn't
>You won't lie, you had really enjoyed this week...you had really enjoyed Anon's company
>You stop in place and look at your hooves
>What if Anon turns out to be the kind of guy you could actually like, without all those other awful qualities that often came with guys you like?
>Do you go in for it?  Take the plunge?
>Wait, wait, wait, you're getting WAY ahead of yourself here
>Do you even think about Anon like that at all?
>You think back to the events of the week
>Anon's jokes
>His straightforward and honest way of speaking
>His stories
>The way he never quit
>The way he teased you good-naturedly
>His smile...
>His muscles...
"Dammit"
>Okay, it turns out you COULD think about him that way
>What the hay is wrong with you?
>Hmmph.  Maybe you just have a thing for dirt bags...but, hold on, you don't know Anon's a dirt bag just yet
>Whatever, you still have a week to figure this out
>Likely, Anon will turn out to be just like the others, then you can just move on and forget about him
>You hope...
>"What the fuck are you just standing there for?"
>Your train of thought goes flying off the rails as the object of your thoughts addresses you
>You look up to see him standing there
>Shirtless, sweaty, breathing hard, hammer laying across one of his massive withers
>You decide to kill Applejack for putting these thoughts in your head, it's all you can do right now to keep your composure
"Oh, nothing, just thinking about what we're gonna do next"
>He groans
>"We still have more to do, huh?"
"Well, yeah.  Applejack said we have to get the south field done before we head out, so let's hop to it, big guy!"
>He sighs and reaches down, quickly grabbing your canteen from your saddle bag before dumping its contents on his head
"Hey!"
>"Well, it's not like you were using it.  Besides, I think it should go to the individual who's done the most work"
"Most work!?  I busted my rump while you took a break earlier!"
>"Yeah, and you gave me a heap of shit about doing that, as I recall"
"Well...you're the one who really needs this workout, you taking a break is going to hurt you more than it would me"
>"Oh, so you think you're more in shape than I am, is that it?"
>He chuckles
>You know he's trying to get a rise out of you, but somehow, it feels good to play along with him
"Oh, I don't think, I know!"
>"'You don't think?'  I can believe that"
>He laughs again, you really like his laugh...
>Focus, dammit
"Yeah, yeah, keep laughing monkey-boy"
>You realize what you just said, how he had hated you calling him names before you were workout buddies
"Oh, geez, Anon, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
>"Hey, don't sweat it, Rainbow.  I know you don't mean it like you used to"
"Then how do I mean it now, Anon?"
>Now it's his turn to look a little embarrassed
>"Oh, well, uhm, pssh, I don't know, beats me, but I know you don't mean it in...well...such a spiteful way...more of a, uhhm..."
>Wait a minute, was his face always that flushed?
>"Well you don't mean it in a spiteful way, do you?"
>You shrug, nonchalantly
"How should I know?  According to some PEOPLE I 'don't think'"
>He rolls his eyes
>"Alright, alright...smart ass"
>You giggle
"Come on, buddy, whaddya say we clear out the south field and call it a day?  Sun's going down, anyway"
>You both start to meander over towards the south field, you flying slowly while Anon plods along on his two long legs, sledgehammer still draped over his withers (you think they're actually called shoulders on a human, but you're not sure)
>Before you can ask for some clarification on that, Anon pipes up
>"You know, I thought you were going to give me this opportunity to work out with you so I WOULDN'T have to buck apples"
>You chuckle
"You're the one who said doing this job gets you in shape, and Applejack still needs the help, figured I'd just go ahead and add it in to the workout regimen"
>"Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you telling me that the great Rainbow Dash herself is taking advice from a big, smelly monkey?"
>He shakes his head in mock disapproval
>"You've really gone down in the world, Dash"
>He flashes you a snarky grin
"Well, I wouldn't call it advice...just me taking a crappy suggestion and making it, you know, way better with tons of other workouts and stuff"
>Another eye roll
>"Clearly..."
>You both reach the south field and begin to buck the apple trees in your own unique ways
"Hey, Anon?  How are you feeling?"
>He stops mid swing and looks at you quizzically
>"Well, let's see, really tired, sore, bruised, hungry...I could go on, but I won't"
>He lifts the hammer again
>"But I could"
>THWACK
>Exhausted grunt
>Apple cleanup
"No, I mean, like, without drinking...how are you doing with that?"
>He winces
>"Well, I'm not gonna lie, it's been a little rough"
>He sighs
>"I miss flask buddy..."
"Who?"
>"Ummm, nothing, forget about it...but hey, you were right about one thing"
>THWACK
>Less of a grunt this time
>Apple cleanup
>"I am WAY too tired at the end of the day to even think about drinking, so that's not all bad"
>He turns his head to smile at you
>Wow...you wished you could live in those moments when he smiles at you
>You don't get nervous this time and just return the smile
"Told ya, Anon"
>You give him a little wink
>A wink?!  What the buck, mare?!  Are you trying to prove Applejack right?
>He catches the wink and, to your enjoyment, his smile grows a little wider
>He catches himself grinning like an idiot and quickly returns to his work
>"Hey, Dash, what's a 'special somehuman' anyway?"
>BUCK!
"Oh, heh, you heard that, that's-that's just a little joke Applejack likes to tell.  I always thought it was stupid, everyp0ny knows you're special..."
>His eyes widen a little
"By default!  Since there's no other humans in Equestria, that makes you pretty special, right?"
>Smooth...
>He just shrugs
>"Guess so"
>You both continue your Applebucking in silence
>Before you know it, you've finished the south field
>By the time you've managed to cart all the apples back to AJ's barn, it's nearly dark
>The crickets are already chirping and the first of the fireflies are starting to appear
>"Welp, that's that"
>Anon yawns as he stretches
"See you tomorrow then?"
>"Heh, as if I have a choice right?"
>He frowns suddenly, it looks like he feels bad about what he said
>"Hey, you know, I never thought I'd say this...and every muscle in my body is going to disagree with me...but, uh, I had fun today, really"
>Anon gives you another of his warm smiles before reaching out to ruffle your mane with his hand
>Mmmmmm.  You're going to have to get him to do that again
"I figured you'd come around, Anon"
>You both say your goodbyes and you watch him walk away from the farm, down the road towards his house
>You sigh
>Buck it
>Looks like this was gonna be one of those nights you spend with some scented candles, a glass of wine, and a vibrator
>One little fantasy wasn't going to kill you right?

End of Chapter 6