Kiku-No-Hana: The Young Man and the Faceless Woman

A greent text I've been doing for monster involving a mu-onna. Currently unfinished, just pasting this so people have an easy place to read it. The title is also a place holder.


>I recently lost my parents in an automobile accident.
>Completely alone in this city, no friends or relatives, but don't have enough money to a new city even with my inheritance.
>I moved into an old apartment complex. Never see the land lady, all our business is conducted through a danuki proxy.
>Spend most of my time alone. Never felt so lonely. Miss my parents, can't even really deal with my grief because I have to keep working to get a roof over my head.
>At night, I hear strange laughing coming from the rooms near me. Sometimes I hear something that sounds like a hushed "ara ara."
>Shiver and tighten my blanket around me.
>The noises are beginning to cut into my sleep.
>It's been two weeks. My life is caught in a cycle. Get up, go to my two jobs, and get home at eleven at night. Stay up all night afraid I'll get snatched by some kind of ghost or something.
>One night I get home from work and I notice that someone has prepared a fresh meal on the table, a Japanese rice dish with fish and vegetables.
>I'm suspicious at first but then I dig into the meal.
>It's very good, it's the first time I had a home cooked meal since my parents died.
>I say a word of thanks to whoever made it and I swear I hear a slight giggle come from one of the walls.
>When I settle back into my bed, I put my phone and one of those big heavy duty security guard flashlights within arm’s reach in case something tries to snatch me in the night.
>If something is going to try and turn me into rape bait, they've got another thing coming.
>This time, there are no noises. Somehow, this just seems worse, like the calm before a storm.
>I finally close my eyes, but I stay awake. I can't help but feel like something is watching me.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

>I've decided to stay up and listen for whatever has been making those noises.
>It seems like it's going to be another usual sleepiness night when I hear something come from the left wall.
>Sounds like something soft oozing out of a container.
>I crack my eyes open to see a woman FREAKING phasing through the left wall.
>No, that's not the right word.
>Phasing implies something just passes through an object.
>She's…dividing from it. Like a cell. Parts of her are pinching out of the wall and forming her arms and legs as she slowly oozes out of the wall. She's not a slime that much I can tell. Slimes leave a trail and have transparent bodies. Once she cleaved herself from the wall, she seemed surprisingly solid.
>The moonlight flooding in from the window allows me to see some of her features. She’s a pale greyish white color, with a head full of beautiful wavy black hair and a light grey kimono held together with a blue sash. I can't make out her face because of the darkness.
>She shakes herself from a moment, as though climbing out of the wall disoriented her. Then she does the strangest thing. She starts picking up around my apartment. Quietly stacking my dishes and putting stuff into the trash, rearranging some clothes. A couple times, I adjust my body slightly and she freezes before she's satisfied I'm just rolling in my sleep.
>When she's done, she cautiously moves to where I'm resting and starts to move her hand towards my face. Right before she touches me, I quickly grab the flashlight and aim her it at her face before turning it on.
>She doesn't even flinch. For a moment I'm confused. How could anything with eyes not be blinded or at least started by the intense lights?
>That's when I realize, she doesn't have eyes. Or a nose. Or a mouth. Her face is completely devoid of any features, like a blank canvas.
>I try to scream but she clamps a hand over my mouth.
>I start to struggle, lashing out at her with a blow from my flashlight.
>She catches it with one of her hands and fuses it into her arm. My only weapon gone, I start to panic.
Calm down.
>I stop moving as I try to determine where that voice came from. It almost feels like it's inside of my head.
Just take it easy, I'm not going to hurt you.
>"Is that you talking?"
>Yes. I'm sure by your reaction you've seen I lack a mouth. So I have to project my thoughts into another's head to communicate.
>My curiosity outweighs my fear for a moment. “Are you telepathic?"
No, I can only do it when I'm near someone, and I can only project my own thoughts.
>"Oh…that's kind of cool."
Indeed.
>"Wait, wait wait, I was scared out of my mind five seconds ago. What are you?"
Your landlord. I was worried about you, so I came in to check on you. I look after my tenants in my own way, and see if there is anything I can do to help them.
>"So you've been the one making all those strange noises lately while you've been watching me?
>She seems to pause for a moment before I notice a blush spread across her blank face.
Yes…I'm sorry I did not know you felt my presence.
>She let go of the flash light and bowed on her hands and knees.
I am sorry for scaring you. I am a mu-onna. I sensed your sadness and wanted to see if there was anything I could do to alleviate your suffering.
>"So that's why you've been cleaning my room and why you left that food?"
Indeed.
>"Why not just tell me this face to…oh. I'm sorry."
It's all right. But as you just seen, most people are very frightened by my appearance. They find it unnatural. I conduct all my business through proxy and try not to let people see me because I'm afraid they will leave and not have anything to do with me.
>She propped herself next to me and I couldn't help but admire her. While the lack of a face was…new, she had a beautiful, mature figure with full breasts and wide hips. As she shuffled next to me, I caught a whiff of feminine perfume. With her dignified way of speaking, kimono, and beautiful long hair, she almost seemed to be some kind of noblewoman.
>"So you were only trying to help me."
Yes. I'm sorry for scaring you. Your spirit seemed to be suffering. I want to help you if at all possible.
>"Well…I could use someone to talk to."
Then I will listen.
>I told her about the accident. The estate sale. The funeral. Getting stuck in the city. The endless days and exhausting nights. I didn't realize it until after I was done speaking, but she had subtly guided my head onto her lap and was stroking my hair. At first I thought it was a bit awkward, but I soon gave in and didn't care. It felt so nice just to be here, with this beautiful woman.
I'm sorry. That is a lot for any person to have to go through. Losing loved ones is a terrible experience.
>"Have you ever lost anyone close to you?"
Yes.
>She didn't project anything for a moment. >Unfortunately, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.
>"I'm sorry for asking." I told her.
No, it's all right. I'm at the age where it's expected you've lost a couple of people. You have nothing to feel bad about.
>"Hey Mrs…"
Kiku. Just Kiku, you do not need to refer to me as Mrs. It makes me feel old.
>"Thank you for listening. It helped a lot."
Good. So you will not feel bad about joining me for dinner tomorrow?
>" I can do that, I get off early tomorrow."
>She beckoned for me to sit up and then stood up.
Then I will take my leave.
>She started to phase back into the wall before turning around.
Take care of yourself, okay John?
>"How do you know my name?" I asked.
You are my tenant, remember?
>I'm sure if she had a face, there would have been a droll look on it.
>She gave me once last wave and then merged back into the wall.
>I curled up into a ball, and went to sleep. While I was dreaming, I caught vague flashes of a grey kimono, long black hair, and soft skin as something wrapped its arms around me and pressed me to its chest. It was the best sleep I had in months.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
>I thought a lot about Kiku the next day while I was working my usual shift at a minimum wage retailing job.
>She scared me a good bit at first, but she was attractive in spite the lack of…you know.
>It was weird, seeing a woman like that cloister herself away from the world.
>I mean, yeah it was kind of strange, but this is a world where humans intermingle with dragons, zombies, slimes…a woman with no face couldn't be that shocking. Could it?
>Nah I'm overthinking this. I should just be grateful someone has offered to feed me.
> My shift finally ends and I swing by my place. I know this isn't a date or anything, but I'd still like to look presentable.
>Put on my best shirt and some nice pants and clean my hair. Maybe I should put on cologne.
>Can…can she smell anything? I mean she doesn't have a nose right? Ah fuck it, I'm doing it anyway.
>After getting ready, I mosey down to her room and knock on the door.
Come In.
>Man that was clear as though she was standing next to me.
>I open the door and my jaw drops as I see Kiku. She looks different from last night. She's wearing a cherry blossomed colored kimono with sakura petal designs, and she has a dark pink sash tied around her waist. Her hair is done up in an elaborate style, with one of those beautiful combs you see on geisha dolls with golden designs perched in the middle of her hair. She has an intoxicating perfume wafting off her. I can't help but feel strangely aroused.
*giggle* Do not just stand there, come in and close the door.
>Wait did I just here her giggle in my head? Or was that more like feeling what…you know what I'm going to have to get use to this 'talking in your head thing'
>I close the door and take a seat in front of the wonderful meal she's prepared.
>She sits in front of me and bows, offering a quick prayer to whatever gods she believes in to give us prosperity and to offer us good luck.
>I dig in with a pair of chop-sticks.
>I'm not that great with chopsticks.
>Sometimes what I'm eating falls on my shirt.
>Kiku lifts a hand over her…non-existent mouth.
>At first I thought she was appalled.
>Then I realized she was laughing at me.
>"I'm sorry; I'm not very good at this." I tell her.
It is not a problem. I just find you humorous. Your reactions are cute.
>Cute? She thinks I'm cute?
>She holds her hand over her mouth again as I blush.
>"Is that something you do on purpose?"
Oh. I did not realize I was doing that. No…it's an old habit I never seemed to unlearn. My apologies.
>"No…I like it. It lets me know what you’re thinking.
Hmmmm
>"What's wrong?"
Nothing. How is the food?
>"Wonderful. You've done an excellent job."
Excellent. I am glad you are enjoying it. I have missed company.
>We talk for a bit. She tells me about how she moved to the city and bought this apartment complex to act as a landlord thanks to money she acquired in Zipangu. She wanted a fresh start away from her home country. She still keeps up with a set of Zipangu friends that live in the city like a Yuki-onna, a Raiju, and some others, though she does most of her business through a tanuki named Fumina she's know for a long time.
>I tell her about my job as a wage slave, and the grueling hours.
Hmmm, maybe Fumina can do something about that. I’m sure she can get you a better job if I call in a favor.
>"You'd really do that for me?"
Indeed. Though I would request a favor.
>"What's that?"
Would you spend more time with me? I miss people. You do not seem repulsed by me, like most others.
>"Actually, I think you are very beautiful."
Even with no face I could see her blush.
You do not need to mock an old woman like me. My body has outlived its youthful charms.
>"I don't think that's true at all."
She didn't say anything.
>I helped her clean the dishes and she used her cellphone to set up an appointment with Fumina.
> She escorted me to the door and I felt something bold come over me.
>"Hey, would you like to spend some more time together this weekend?
That would be very pleasant.
>"Great!" I gave her a quick kiss on the…general area where I thought her lips would be. It felt very pleasant. The whole area was extremely soft. I was surprised at how nice it felt.
>I pulled away and grinned. "Excellent."
She stood there for a moment confused.
Why did you do that?
>"Because I think you're pretty" It sounded childish but it was true.
Yet I have no face.
>I shrugged. I didn't know what else to say.
She laughed and gave me a hug.
You are a very amusing man. Very well. We will meet this weekend. I believe it will be a date yes?
>I nodded my head.
Good. See you then, John.
>As I made my way back to my room, I couldn't help but wonder what I was getting into. That night, I had another odd dream involving Kiku, with both of us naked under a sakura tree, the bright pink pedals spreading across her soft white skin as we made love.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

>Next morning I got up and prepared myself to go see Fumina about help getting a new job.
>Kiku gave me directions to her place. Fumina didn't live far from here. She mostly acted as a middleman for companies, so she would hopefully be able to place me somewhere I could be useful.
>Try my best to be hopeful, I really don't want to do minimum wage anymore.
>When I finally get to the office, I give my name and wait in the lobby.
>When my name is finally called, I get told to go to the office on the far right.
>The place is immaculate, with those little clocks you see in traders rooms that show time zones for all the different major countries. She has an abacus by her desks, along with two gigantic filing cabinets.
>Sitting at the desk is a danuki woman in her late 30s.
>I was kind of expecting her to be wearing something more Zipangu like Kiku's kimono. But here she is wearing a pantsuit.
>Guess that'll teach me to stereotype.
>She smiles when I greet her, shaking my hand.
>I sit down and fill her in on my background.
>She nods her head as I explain my living situation, and the jobs I've been working,
>Tell her it isn't that easy to find a job in my economy.
>She nods her head and opens my resume, glancing over it as we talk.
>Then she arches an eyebrow.
>"Why are you working two minimum wage jobs with a bachelors in Occupational Safety?"
>"Well…I thought I needed a Masters to do anything with that."
>She shakes her head. "We get a lot of big brains that come through, doing stuff like chemical engineering, toxicology, etc. But you know something we need for those people? People who can look at occupational hazards and deal with upper management. That's what you'd be doing."
>"So you think you know anyone that could use me?" I ask her.
>"Yeah, I've got a couple ideas."
>She gives me a list of some people and tells me she'll send my resume to them. When she hears something, she'll give me a call with the info.
>I thank her and ask if there's anything I can do to repay her.
>She gets quiet for a moment.
>"What do you know about Kiku?" she asks.
>"Not much. She's from Zipangu. She doesn't deal with people much. She's very sweet. I mean she gave me an appointment with you and I barely know her."
> Fumina stroked her chin. "I see."
>I don't know why, but I feel kinda weird, like Fumina isn't telling me something.
>"Hey John, how bout this. You spend more time with Kiku, maybe force her out of her apartment and we won't worry about a finder's fee or anything okay?"
>"Okay. I can do that I think."
>I get quiet for a moment.
>"Fumina…is Kiku alright? I don't mean to be rude, but she told me she doesn't deal with other people and she hinted. She’s lost someone close to her."
>Fumina gave me a worried look. "Kiku has had a…difficult life. It isn't really my place to talk about it. She's a good person, but I worry about her. It isn't healthy for her to cloister herself off from the rest of the world. I just want someone around to take her mind off her troubles, that's all."
> She swishes her tail behind her and gives me a playful grin.
>"Plus she admitted she thinks you're handsome."
>My face turns red and Fumina stifles a laugh.
>I thank her for helping me with my resume and as I head out of the office she calls out to me.
>"Oh and John?"
>"Yeah?"
>Fumina gets up from her desk and hands me a piece of paper." She really likes Sake but she doesn't drink alone. This is her favorite brand. It might be a good idea to treat her, since she set this up for you and all."
>I thank her and then make my way out of the office building. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with Kiku this weekend, but this was a good start.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
>It's finally the night of the date. I told Kiku we were going to be meeting at my place.
>Did everything I could do to get ready. Tidied the place up, put on nice clothing and cologne, set up a couple movie choices…actually that raises some questions. Can she even see like normal people? Never mind, I can't worry about that now.
>I've got a bottle of sake with two glasses on my coffee table.
> Just hope she has a good time.
>Now I just need to wait for my guest.
>With almost impeccable timing, I hear a rap on the door.
John, I'm here. May I enter?
>"Hold on, I'll be right there!"
>I run to the door after lighting some candles and open it, inviting my guest into my home.
>Kiku is…Kiku is stunning.
>She's wearing a white kimono with blue fringe and a dark navy colored sash. The outfit hugs her curves a lot tighter than her usual clothing, drawings my eyes to her full hips and breasts. Her hair is unbound, cascading down her shoulders, while a light veil obscures her…face.
What is the matter?
>I realize I've just been standing there, looking at her.
>"I'm sorry, you're just very pretty."
>She gives me a playful tweak on the cheek.
You do not have to lie. I know that there is nothing appealing about my body.
>I laugh. "Now that's a huge lie, if I've ever heard one."
>Kiku is quiet for a moment and then all at once a strange sensation passes through my head, like the sound of some kind of musical instrument. I think it's coming from Kiku.
>"What…what's this feeling?"
>Kiku freezes and the sensation stops.
I am sorry. I must have projected my emotions.
>"How does that work exactly?"
Mu-Onna do not have traditional sensory organs. This much you have already grasped, yes?
>I nod my head.
Mu-onna are spirits with physical bodies, but we are still spirits. I lack a mouth so instead of speaking, I project my spirit into your mind, allowing you to understand what I am trying to convey. When I am in control of my emotions, it comes off as though I am speaking.
>"And when you aren't?"
It is liked what happened a moment ago. Instead of words, it comes out as sensations.
>"That's amazing."
>She blushes.
Indeed.
>That was a lot quieter than when she usually projects something. I think she's embarrassed.
>I motion to the couch.
>"Would you like to sit on the couch? I bought some sake. I figured we could drink and enjoy each other's company."
>She clasped her hands together.
That sounds excellent.
>We sat down on the couch, though I made a point to be too close to Kiku. I'd like to say it was because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable…but the truth was I was feeling a tad bit shy.
>I cracked the seal of the sake and poured Kiku a glass and then fixed one for myself.
>After handing her the glass, we clinked them together.
Kanpai.
>"Kanpai" I agreed.
>I started to lift the glass to my lips and then stopped. Did Kiku eat anything last night? I don't remember watching her ingest anything. How do you eat without a mouth?
>Kiku lifted the glass to her lips…and the liquid disappeared as it made contact with her face. There was no drip, no moisture. It was like nothing ever touched her face.
>"How did you do that?" I said in awe.
>I felt a sudden anxiety wash over me. It wasn't me…I think it was coming from Kiku.
I did not offend you did I?
>"No, of course not. I was just curious."
It is a part of being a Mu-onna. My entire body is comprised of a soft substance that can be used to absorb objects into myself. Let me demonstrate.
>Kiku poured another glass of sake and then stuck her finger into it. Within seconds, the glass was empty.
I can do the same with food, and inorganic material to a degree, though I cannot break it down. It simply stays in me till I remove it.
>"That's really cool."
>I felt bells chiming in my head. Kiku had lifted a hand over her face again.
>"You don't have to laugh. I was just telling you the truth."
No, no please do not be upset. You are just the first human to think what I do is "cool." It made me happy.
>I smiled as I poured her another glass.
Was Fumina any help?
>"Fumina was very helpful. She might be able to get me a job. Thank you for sending me to her."
It was not a problem. I merely wanted to help.
>"She was the one that suggested the sake actually."
*sigh* Of course she would. Fumina has been very insistent that I meet more people.
>Kiku lifted another glass of sake to her…lack of lips?
>"She also said you thought I was cute."
>I don't know how to describe a faceless person doing a spit-take, but Kiku did an admirable job of it.
What!? I cannot believe her!
>I shrugged. "Well if it helps, I think you're cute, so what does it matter?"
Because a woman my age shouldn't be courting a young man like yourself.
>"Why not?"
>Kiku got quiet for a moment.
When someone is as old as I am John, they are bound to come with complications. You do not need that.
>I inched closer to her, my hand touching her fingers. "What if I don't care?"
>Kiku froze. She didn't say a word. I felt a dull sense of unease pass over me, and this time, I wasn't sure it was just Kiku.
>She withdrew her hand, stroking where I had touched her as she spoke.
I…I will consider the notion. But I make no promises.
>"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
It is all right, I know you only had good intentions.
>"So what do we do now?"
>Kiku poured another glass of sake.
We drink, and enjoy each other’s company.
>The tension in the air dissipated as I drank another shot of sake and we began to talk.
We decided to talk about our hobbies. Kiku spent most of her free time working on art projects. She was talented amateur seamstress. She handcrafted most of the outfits I saw her wear. She also read a lot of historical fiction, and mostly set during the Edo and Meijin eras of her home country. I jokingly asked her if that had anything to do with her age and she…well she didn't seemed very pleased with me. She can have a sharp tongue when she wants to.
>I told her about some of the things I did. Mostly work with models and some of my own writing. I'd liked drafting technical parts and designs, though I wasn't much of an engineer. She looked through a couple of my sketches with interests.
As the night wore on, the alcohol started to take effect. Kiku was getting closer and closer. And a bit touchy. She'd laugh easier at a joke I said, and she'd occasionally snuggle up to me before realizing how close she had gotten and scooting back. It was awfully cute. I was getting to the point where I thought I was going to pass out. I'm not a heavy drinker but alcohol makes me sleepy.
>"Kiku?"
Hmmmm?
>She tilted her head to the side curiously.
>"I think it's time for me to go to bed."
Sssssfine. I can seeee my waaay out.
>Her words were coming across like static in my head.
>She tried to stand up and then stumbled and fell back on the couch.
>"You okay?"
Drank too much.
>"Do you want me to take you to your room?
Nooooo, people will see us. I don't want them getting any weeird Ideasz.
>"You can sleep in my bed then."
She protested something about taking the couch, but I wasn't having any of it. I carried her over my shoulder and set her down on my bed, wrapping my blankets around her.
>She didn't make any noise as I went into the bathroom and changed into some night clothing, but when I walked by my bed she grabbed my shirt.
Wait. Don't go.
>"What's wrong."
Stay with me. Please?
>There was need in her voice. Not lust, not desire. Just need.
>"Okay." I slid in next to her and wrapped the covers around us. I tried to give Kiku her own space, but when I turned my back to her, she placed her arms around my chest and began to spoon me.
>She was incredibly soft. Having her next to me gave an indescribable sense of comfort and warmth as she pressed her chest into me and tightened her grip. I could still smell the wonderful, lilac scented perfume coming off her.
Thank you.
>"You're welcome. Good night Kiku."
Good night John.
>Within a couple minutes, we both drifted off to sleep.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
>“Hey John, when are you going to move out and get your own place?”
>I roll my eyes as I listen to my father. “When I can, Dad. You know it isn’t easy to find anything with next to no experience.” I continue to text on my phone in the backseat as I listen to him prattle on.
>“I’ve got some friends in Southern Power that could use you. Just need someone to work on their resume.”
>“Dad, I got it. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
>“That’s what you said last week.” He chided.
>“John sweetie is your seatbelt on?” my mother asked.
>I quietly click it into place. “Yes, it’s been on the whole time.” My parents, man. I love em, but damn they can get under my skin. I’m twenty two, not twelve.
>“You know I just want to make sure you’re safe. I love you sweetie.”
>I can’t help but smile. Mom is really sweet, even when she’s being annoying. “I love you too mom.
>We hear a loud horn, and my eyes turn just in time to see a large truck swerve over the median and plow into the front half of the car.
>My stomach lurches as our car skids into a telephone pole. Everything goes black as I slam my skull into the headrest.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

>I wake up sweating, almost throwing the covers off the bed as I do. Godammit, I haven’t had that dream in a week, why did it have to happen now. I feel Kiku stir next to me as I brush back my sweat-slicked hair. She sits up and moves next to me, placing a hand on my forehead.
John, are you all right?
>“Yeah…yeah I’m fine.”
You do not seem fine. Your breathing is erratic and your brow is stained with sweat. And I thought I felt screaming.
>“I didn’t make any noise.” I told her.
No…I meant coming from here.
>She pointed to my heart.
I told you I could not hear inside your head…but I can sense and feel emotions to some degree. And I felt some very powerful ones surge out of you.
>“Like what?”
Regret. Frustration. Sadness. Pain.
>I tried to brush it off. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to go to the couch. I don’t want to trouble you anymore than I have.”
>Kiku wrapped her arms around me and pulled my head to her breast as she stroked my hair. I could feel her singing in my head. I began to calm down a bit, lost in the melody as she continued to embrace me, the smell of lilacs wafting into my nose and allowing the tension to ease out of my body.
You are not troubling me. You are a very sweet young man, and watching you suffer affects me deeply. I am here for you.
>Tears started to well up in my eyes. “Thank you, Kiku.” I said in a low whisper.
I have decided. Tonight, I will be your attendant.
>“Attendant?”
>She gently pushed me off of her and stripped off the top of part of her kimono, revealing a large pair of supple, greyish white breasts.  She took my hand and pressed it into her chest. Her breast was extremely soft, I marveled at the texture as looked into my eyes with her blank face.
John…you are suffering a great deal. I have felt the same way before. I am here to offer you a release. Tonight, lose yourself in my flesh. Use me to dull the pain. I will stay with you till morning and do whatever I can to make you feel happy.
>“I wouldn’t ask that of you Kiku. We barely know each other.”
I know you are a good young man with a strong heart. And I know you need me. It would not be entirely selfless…I do find you to be attractive.
>I thought about it for a moment. She was really beautiful.
>“Okay, I would love for you to be my attendant Kiku.”
Excellent. Now lie back and allow me to care for you.
>Kiku pushed me back onto the bed and straddled me, pushing her soft, warm body on top of mine. She pressed her face into mine and began to kiss me as her hands probed over my body.  Kiku stripped off my nightshirt and threw it behind me, as she grinded her chest into mine, her head bobbing vigorously as we kissed. I know it sounds strange, making out with a faceless woman. But she was so soft, and so warm it felt even better than kissing a regular woman. I felt her fingers slip over my chest and down past my underwear. Suddenly I gasped as she brushed her hand over my member. She began stroking it, deftly working the tip as she continued to kiss me.
John, would you like me to take you between my breasts?
>“Yes, very much so.”
>She lowered herself to my waist and pulled off my boxers. I could feel surprise emanating from her.
I am amazed you are this aroused by an old woman such as myself.
>“Stop saying stuff like that! I think you are beautiful.”
>I could feel something warm pass through me. My comment must have pleased her. She took my member in between her pillowy breasts and began to massage them. I gritted my teeth as the pleasure washed over me, trying to keep myself from coming too soon. She was very experience, her movements reaching a rhythm that kept me constantly stimulated. And the ungodly soft feeling of her warm breasts didn’t make it any easier to hold back. I couldn’t stop myself from moaning a couple times. It seemed to encourage her because whenever I did, she just moved faster.  My toes curled as the sensation became too much.
>“Kiku…I’m about to…”
It is all right. You may cum where you like.
>I gave one final gasp as I shot a torrent of cum over her face. She didn’t stop stroking until she milked every drop from me. I could feel warm sense of satisfaction coming from her as I looked at her. Kiku’s entire face was stained with cum, but after moment, it started to dissipate, and soon it was completely gone.
Your seed tastes quite exquisite.
>“Thank you?”
>She laughed and laid on top of me, her breasts pressing into me as she rested her head onto mine.
“That was really good. Thank you Kiku.” I told her as I stroked her hair.
Would you like to continue in a few moments?
>“I’d like that a lot. And Kiku?”
Hmmmm?
>“Stop putting yourself down. You’re very beautiful.”
>She didn’t say anything, but she nuzzled up to me and I felt a great sense of happiness emanating from her. I smiled as I held her close.
>After we had rested for a couple minutes, Kiku's hand began to drift down past my waist. I tensed up as she ran the tip of her finger over my glans.
My oh my, it looks like you are ready for another round.
>My mind flashed back to all the milf hentais I've read. "Doesn't 'my, oh my’  translate into Ara Ara? “I smirked. “Did you just Ara Ara me?"
>Kiku's face turned a delicious shade of red, her words losing their usual clarity and coolness when she spoke.
T-that isn't, I-I
>I pressed my face into her for a kiss, stopping her mid-sentence. I smiled as she turned her head away from me so I couldn't stare at the blush spreading across her face.
>"You're really cute when you're flustered."
>With agility that surprised me, Kiku jumped on top of me, her voluptuous, curvy body pressed into me.
You are incorrigible. I said I was going to pleasure you. You do not need to tease me.
>"I'm sorry. I only did it because I like you."
I know. But having you complement me and tease me...it does not sit right with my pride as a woman. I told you tonight I would be your attendant, and I will do just that.
>Kiku began to grind her snatch into my cock, her moist folds lubricating my member as she moved.
I have not done this for some time...I am afraid of what will happen without proper preparation.
>"If it hurts, let me know. I don't want to hurt you."
>I felt those familiar bells chiming in my head, Kiku's warm laughter.
Saying things like that...just makes me want to pleasure you more.
>Kiku aligned the pinkish white slit of her womanhood over the tip of my cock. With one mighty plunge, she took all of me inside of her. I felt a wave of pleasure surge over me as the inside of her vagina coiled around me. Her insides were warm and very soft, but also incredibly moist and tight. It felt like she was practically hugging my dick. Then the walls of her sex clinched even tighter.
Do you feel that? Because of my body, I have a bit more control of myself than most women. As you can tell, it has some very interesting applications.
>I didn't say anything, I could barely even think. I just let out a moan and began to pant. Kiku didn't say anything, but I could tell she was satisfied with my reactions. Then she began to move. I had to tighten the muscles around my stomach just to keep myself from releasing. She was moving very slowly, almost torturing my cock with each individual ridge of her snatch as she slid up and down.
Do you find this pleasurable John?
>A weak yes was all I could manage.
>She loosened her grip on me slightly, but then she moved her hands onto my chest and steadied herself on my manhood as she shifted her lovely hips into a better position to thrust.
>Then she plunged down. Again. And again. And again. Each time she descended, I almost thought I was going to lose it, but I bit my lip and persevered. I was a gentleman; I wasn't going to cum until she did.
>Kiku began to make more noises, her small gasps turning into moans. It was strange hearing these noises in my head, but it felt much more intimate. I was the only one that could hear how much pleasure she was experience. I began to match each thrust of her hips with one of my own.
>We both began to moan louder as we practically jackhammered into each. I could feel it; both of us weren't going to last much longer.
"Kiku, I'm about to..."
M-me too. John...hold me.
> I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her into an embrace as I released inside of her, my seed painting her insides white as we both let out a cry of ecstasy from our shared climax.
> Kiku rolled off of me and snuggled up to my side, both of us covered in sweat.
John...that was...that was very pleasurable.
>"It was."
> We didn’t say anything else. We didn’t need to. We were just happy to be with another that cared about us, even if it was just for one night. I laid my head on Kiku's breast and she sang a little lullaby to lull me to sleep. My eyes grew heavy and the world began to fade around me as I drifted into sleep.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
>When I woke up, I was surprised to find myself alone.
>Kiku had left without a word…
>As I walked around the apartment, I noticed the entire place was spotless. She must have cleaned while I was asleep. The carpet was clean, the dishes were all cleared, the windows were washed…hell she had even changed the bed sheets and put the old ones in the wash. I don't even know how that's possible considering I was asleep on them the whole time.
> I found a note on my countertop next to a plate of eggs and oatmeal.
"Thank you for last night" was all it said.
>The note smells like lilacs, just like her.
>I sighed. I'd really hoped I could get her to come around. Kiku was…she was special.It didn't matter that she was older or that she had "baggage". She was beautiful, and articulate, and comforting. Being around her just made me feel like a new person.
>Still, she had said she would consider being with me. I'd just have to try harder.
>While I was pondering my current situation, my phone let out a beep.
>Hmmm, text from Fumina.
>"Hey, just got a person interested in your resume. She's an anubis heading a small paper printing company. Their current safety manager is stepping down, and they need him to mentor a new member before he quits. I'm sending you the address. I know this is short notice, but go there today if you can."
>Fuck yes! I made sure to put on the nicest clothes I had and gave myself a through once over in the mirror before heading out.I needed this job. Anything better than the minimum wage shit I was working now.
> Before I leave, I fold Kiku's note in half and slip it into my pocket. For today, it would be my good luck charm. I need all the help I can get.
>The paper company is located on the far side of the city.
>Took the subway because it would be easier than getting caught in traffic for five hours.
>The ride was pretty uneventful. A couple of hellhoodlums wearing shirts "I'm gonna ruff you up" and "It's only rape if you don't enjoy it" are both sitting in the back blasting their music.
>I was lucky enough to sit next to an older holstaurus. We chatted for a bit. It kept the other monsters from getting any…ideas.
>When we finally got to my stop, I thanked the holstaurus for keeping me company and made my way out of the underground.
>Luckily, the subway wasn't that far from the interview site.
>I walked through the door of the paper company and told the weresheep secretary I had an appointment. She gave me a sleepy nod and pointed me to the door on the far right.
>"Hey, before you go, let me give you a tip?"
>"What's that?"
>"The boss likes everything neat and tidy. Make sure you look organized. And don't be intimidated by her. She's kinda domineering, but she likes it if people show some backbone.
>"Why are you telling me all this."
> She shrugs. "Well, if you get the job, it's always nice to have someone owe you a favor, know what I mean?"
> I laugh. "I didn't know weresheep were so business savvy!"
>She gives me a playful wink. "Just me.Now go get 'em"
> I thanked her and walked into my (hopefully) future boss's office.
>As I walk in, I can't help but notice how organized the office looks. Everything seems to be neat and tidy, even the stacks of paper on the manager's desk. Somehow, the whole place makes me feel slovenly.
>The Anubis working at the computer turns around and greets me with a cold look.
>"Good you're here. Sit down. My name is Nefti. I have my full day scheduled out and I can only talk to you for fifteen minutes." As if to accentuate the point, she flipped over some kind of small hour glass looking thing. I slide into the seat in front of her, as she pulled out a pair of reading glasses and glanced over my resume.
>"You came highly recommend. Good grades, recommendations from professors and a decent amount of student activity. Fumina also seemed very interested in you, for whatever reason."
>"But," she continued, "You don't have any work experience in this field. Only been out of college for a year, and nothing under your belt to prove you can handle the job. So tell me. Why should I hire you?"
>I froze for a moment. The weresheep wasn't kidding, she was intimidating. The way she looked at me, it made me feel like I wasn't even worth her time.
>Caught myself adjusting my tie as I tried to sell myself.
>"Well...uh I know I don't have any on the job experience b-but I do have..." I stumbled and mumbled for a bit. I could feel that I was losing her. She rolled her eyes and reset the hour glass.
>"We're done here. I don't think you're the right fit for this company.
>I thanked her, and started walking for the door. My hands in my pocket, I brushed over the note Kiku left me. Kiku...
>If I couldn't get this job, it would be harder for me to pay rent. I was barely making it with my two minimum wage jobs. I'd probably have to move out. Even if she lowered my rent, I'd feel like a parasite. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I know she barely ever left the complex...I might never see her again.
> Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I turned around and looked at Nefti.
>"Wait. Give me one more chance."
>Nefti arched an eyebrow and looked at her watch. “You’ve got five minutes.”
> “I’m barely making ends meet; I’m working two minimum wage jobs. I’ve barely got enough cash to keep myself in a decent apartment. If I don’t get this job, I’ll probably have to move to a worse part of town or cut back on all my living expenses again. Which I can’t really afford to do.”
> “I’m not running a charity. I fail to see how that makes you a more interesting applicant.”
> I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I NEED this job. I will do everything in my power to keep this job if I get it. Do anything you need me too. Stay overtime without pay. Learn everything from the old safety manager as quick as I can. I’m young, fresh with information from college, eager to learn, and motivated. Does that make me a more interesting candidate?
> The Anubis paused for a bit, I felt her stare on me intensify as she looked at me.
>Finally, she nodded her head and wrote something down on a piece of paper, and then slid it to me.
>”That would be your starting salary.
>I choked. It was nearly double what I was making with both jobs.
>”A-are you sure?”
>”Would you like me to decrease it?”
> “No, no this is great!”
>”Good. I’ll contact you in the next couple days.”
> I almost bowed. “Thank you for your time.”
>”Just don’t make me regret this decision.”
>”I won’t!”
>I shook her paw, and then left the office with her contact number.
>Practically danced out of the building.
>It finally dawned on me when I was back on the subway I should text Fumina.
>“Fumina, I got the job!”
>”Great! Proud of you! :D
> Thank you so much for all your help. You’ve been so helpful. Is there anything I can do for you?”
>”Why don’t you take Kiku out to dinner? I’m sure she’d enjoy your company. ;)”
>”Sure…but I don’t really have any cash…”
> “I just transferred 60 bucks to your account. Go nuts. Pay me back later.”
>”How did you do that?”
>”Danuki, remember?  “
> “Ah fair enough .I’ll go by her apartment and invite her out.”
> “Go get her, tiger.”
> “And Fumina, thanks for everything.”
> “No problem."
__________________________________________________________________________________________

>I finally got to Kiku's place.I didn't bother changing since I'm still wearing a suit.
>I give a slight rap on the door.
One moment.
>Kiku unlocks the door. She must have been cleaning. She's wearing a pink tank top with a pair of blue jeans. First time I've seen her wearing something casual. I can feel a bit of nervousness emanating from her.
John…what are you doing here?
>Now I was feeling nervous too, especially after how she disappeared this morning.
>"I uh…Fumina sent me to a job interview at Papyrus Prints. I got the job!"
>Kiku let out a squeal and gave me a tight hug.
That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!
>"Y-yeah, it's great." I can't help but feel self-conscious as she practically smooshed my face into her marsmallowy chest.
>For a brief moment, like half a second, we stay like that and then suddenly Kiku lets go and steps back.
I…I am sorry. I got ahead of myself.
>"It's okay" I didn't tell her how happy it made me feel. She was already turning red from embarrassment.
>"I was wondering, could I take you out to get something to eat? I'd love to celebrate with you."
>She seemed to think about it for a moment.
I have not had a night out in a long time…It sounds like it will be an enjoyable opportunity.
>"So that's a yes?" I say with a grin.
Indeed. I need to change first.
>"Alright! sounds great!"
>She ushers me into her apartment and I sit on the couch while she goes to change.
>When she comes back, she's wearing a beautiful pink and red kimono with sakura petals and lotus blooms. It seems to fit much tighter than her usual fair. Her hair is done up in a knot that rests over her left shoulder, and she has a small red purse in her hand.
>She giggles as I look at her.
I am glad to see you like it. I haven't worn this piece in a long time. I used to wear it when I went out with…
>She pauses and then shakes her head.
>"What's wrong?
It is nothing. I do not want to spoil the mood.
>She's hiding something…but I choose not to pry.I offer her the crook of my arm.
>"Shall we be off?"
> She nods her head.
Lets.
>Kiku doesn't have a car and I don't feel like dealing with public transit again, so we take my small, beat up Honda. Not the most masculine of cars, but who gives a fuck when you have someone like her riding shotgun.
>I decide to take her to a fancy steak place Fumina recommended. She told me it wouldn't be as expensive as some of the other places in town, and they cooked damn fine steak.
>"Hey Kiku...you're going to be okay with eating out right? I know you don't leave your place very often."
>She places a hand on my thigh.
It will be all right. You are with me, after all.
>I smile. “Okay good. I can try to get us a more private if you want."
I would appreciate that. People find my eating habits...unnerving.
>"I'm sorry...it isn't your fault."
I realize this, but my eating habits still trouble most people, monster or human.
>"It doesn't bother me."
And for that I am grateful. But I think you just missed the turn.
>I curse and then loop back around into the restaurant's parking lot.
>The place is pretty packed, I'm surprised this many people are here. The hostess was kind enough to let us get a secluded table towards the back of the restaurant.
>When we get to the table, I scoot out a chair for Kiku. She giggles as she sits down.
My oh my, someone is being a gentleman.
>"You're doing the ara ara thing again." I say with a coy look.
>She gets flustered and pretends to stare at her menu.
>"Hey Kiku...I don't mean this to sound rude. But how do you see?"
That is a very good question. It's like...imagine my skin as a massive sensory organ. Even though I don't have eyes or a nose or a mouth, it can absorb information from the world around me. I can see about as effectively as a regular human, though I have problems with depth perception.
>"That's really cool. But...how do you process light with cone and rod cells in your eye? How is the image focused without a lens?"
>She shrugged.
I honestly have no idea. I've just come to accept that is how I work. Sometimes it is easier that way.
>"I probably shouldn't be asking all this. I feel like I'm being awkward.
No, no! You are fine. I am surprised you keep asking these questions but they do not bother me.
>We make idle chatter for a bit. We both order medium rare steaks with garlic potatoes and I ask the waiter for a little sake.
>As we wait for the meal, Kiku drinks a couple glasses of sake. (I can't, since I'm driving.)
It's very refreshing when I get the chance to drink. I don't do it very often.
>"Why not?"
I only drink socially. I used to drink alone in the past. It was not...pleasant.
>The mood gets awkward for a bit. I decide to change the subject.
>"Fumina is a pretty great person. She's been very helpful. How did you meet her?"
Ah Fumina. When I became a mu-onna, she was the first person to reach out to me. She helped me collect myself and get myself together. She was the one that suggested I move to the States.
>"Do you ever miss Zipangu?"
No.
>Her response was terse.
I'm sorry, it's my home...but it is filled with memories I would like to forget.
>I sigh. "Man I can't win for losing. I feel like I'm nothing but Mr. Awkward Questions."
>She laughs and places a hand on top of mine.
No, you are a charming young man. My past is just something I find hard to speak of.
>The food finally gets here and we enjoy a solid meal. Definitely going to thank Fumina for recommending this place.
>When we are finished, I leave a decent tip and escort Kiku back to her apartment.
>We stay quiet on the drive back. She seems oddly pensive. She doesn't say anything till we get to her door.
Good night John, it was a pleasant experience.
>She starts to open the door when I call out.
>"Wait. I...I wanted to ask you about last night. Did that mean anything? Or were you just with me because you felt bad for me. I felt really bad when you weren't around when I woke up...I thought I must have made a mistake.
>She closed the door.
John...you are a wonderful man. I would be lying if I said I did not have feelings for you. And rest assured, last night was excellent. But I am not the type of woman that a young man like you should be seeing. I...I have too much baggage. If you need me, I am here for you, but I do not think I would make a good partner. Good night John.
>I slump my shoulders and begin to walk towards my room.
John?
>I turn around. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and backs away.
You really do mean a lot to me. Hopefully, we can meet again as friends?
>I gave her a sad smile. "Okay."
>She nods and retreats into her apartment.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
>The last couple of weeks have been kind of a mixed bag.
>Work has been tough, but my new boss isn't as bad as I thought she was going to be, and the pay is great. I still have to carry home binders of work material and go over guidelines and ethical concerns everynight. I've been able to make a couple friends at work; we've even gone out to eat together a time or two. It's starting to make the city feel a little less lonely.
>Kiku has been...very withdrawn. I see her almost every day. We eat together. We talk a lot. I've helped her move furniture the complex around and she cooks me dinner in exchange. Just being around her has been great, but there's always this tension. I know she can feel it too. She's afraid to hug me, or get too close.
>One day, I knock on her apartment and she answers wearing a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra. She’s toweling off as she looks at me.
Hello John, did you need something?
>"I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk. I've got nothing to do, and I could use some company."
I am not that fond of leaving the complex. People outside tend to stare at me.
>I shuffle awkwardly. "It's okay. I understand." My disappointment was tangible. She sees my puppy dog expression and her resistance begins to falter.
No, no I'll come with you!
>"Are you sure? If you don't want to go out, you don't have too."
I probably should. It is unhealthy for me to be cooped up here for too long. Besides, I enjoy your company.
>I smile. "Great!"
>She motions for me to come inside her apartment.
Give me a moment to shower and change.
>I try not to stare at her ass as she sashays to   her bedroom. Kiku has this way of making every movement of her hips seem alluring. I hear the shower turn on and I try to keep my thoughts relatively clean as I distract myself with my phone.
>She comes out about fifteen minutes later wearing a white kimono with a hood obscuring her face and one of those Japanese parasols.
>"You know...you don't have to wear that hood. No one is going to think less of you because of how you look. I mean, we live in a world with lizard people and zombies and walking plants. I'm sure you aren't going to upset anyone.
>I feel something like an icicle stab into my chest.
But they all have a face. I do not.
>"It doesn't matter. I still think you’re beautiful."
>A kaleidoscope of emotions plays through me from Kiku. I can sense fear, nervousness, I feel a little pang of embarrassment, but the biggest thing I feel from her is gratitude.
I just do not want to make others uncomfortable.
>"And I just want you to take some pride in yourself. You have an amazing figure, and you're a wonderful person. Stop being so hard on yourself."
>She thinks about it for a moment, and lowers the hood. Kiku has her done up in a matronly side knot with a gold butterfly hairpin. I’ll never understand why she’s so critical of her appearance. Even without a face, I think she looks gorgeous.
>"See you look stunning!"
>She stifles a laugh and I feel mirth run through me.
You are ridiculous. But if it makes you happy…I will keep off the hood.
>I open the door and we both step out of the apartment.
>We don’t really have a set plan; we just make our way to a local park.
>It’s a nice place; a shirohebi converted a part of the park into a Zipangu style botanical garden complete with all manners of plants and flowers.
>Kiku and I walk close to each other, ours hands almost touching. A couple times, I brush her hand and she pulls back her arm.
> We chat about our lives. She has a couple of unruly oni tenants, but she’s had some success calming them down. She’s also been secretly helping a poor were mouse family by “multiplying” their groceries while they sleep.
>I tell her about work and my friends. She’s very proud of how far I’ve come from when I first started in the complex. I can’t help but smile when she compliments me.
>As we are walking, my eyes drift to a small plot of white flowers. We stop walking and I bend down to examine them.
>”These are really beautiful.”
Kiku-no-hana. Or in your language, the chrysanthemum. It was adopted as the symbol of the Japanese royal family during the Meiji era.
>”I’m surprised you know so much about them.”
My mother named me after them.
>”Appropriate.”
>She leans down next to me and cups one in her hands.
I think she did it because they always made her happy. I envy flowers. They bring people much happiness and make the land look so beautiful, even though they do not last long.
>She gets back up and dusts off her legs.
> “Did you want to see if we could take some back with us? I’m sure the shirohebi wouldn’t mind if we asked.
>Kiku shook her head.
No…white Kiku-no-hana have a special meaning in my culture. They are gravestone flowers. She probably intends to use them for funerals.
>”God…I feel like such an idiot.”
>Kiku walks over to me and gives me a brief hug, the first one she’s given me since our last date.
You did not know. You were just trying to be thoughtful.
>It’s beginning to get late. We decide it’s a good idea to head back to the apartment. Kiku is walking much closer than before. This time, when my hand brushes over hers, she takes a hold of it.
Thank you for making me come outside today, John. I needed this.
I give her a slight smile. “You’re welcome.”
>We walk the rest of the way back hand in hand.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>When we get back to the apartment, I put on a bit of tea while Kiku sits on the couch. I usually make something small like tea or coffee while we talk.
>But today, both of us are silent. Aside from a token thank you, she barely speaks to me. She’s just sits there, occasionally taking a sip from her mug while I type on my computer. I wish I could tell what she was thinking.
What are you working on? Is that something for work?
>Thank god, she broke the silence. “No…I’ve been writing a story.”
A story? I did not know you were a writer?
>I blush. “I’m not very good, I just do it for fun. I wanted to be one when I was younger but Mom told me I wouldn’t make much money so I ended up going into Science. I still want to do be a writer, so I write a bit and occasionally post online.”
What do you write about?
>” I like science fiction and fantasy the best, but I…” my blush deepens. “I really like romance. Good romance, not that dime store crap that always has a perfect guy or girl sweep the audience insert off their feet. Something where two people with faults come together.”
> I feel those familiar bells chime in my head. She’s laughing.
> “W-was that silly?”
No. I thought it was quite charming. I just was not expecting that. May I read some of your work?
>” It’s not very good. “
I am sure you are just being critical of yourself. May I see it?
>I hand her my laptop after selecting a story I wrote about a younger man that falls in love with an older woman. It’s not very long, just a couple of pages. But it is one I’ve always liked.
>She doesn’t move the entire time she’s reading aside from scrolling down the page. I wait in mortified silence, hopping she doesn’t judge me. Finally, with a pleasant sigh, she closes me the laptop and hands it back to me.
>” Well?” I ask.
It was good. I quite enjoyed it. Sometimes it is difficult to portray love with a large age gap, but you did it well. There were some slight tense issues, and I wish you had expanded more on why the young man fell in love with a woman so far from his age. Their chemistry was good, but his reasons for liking her felt flimsy.
>” Maybe he liked her because she was always there for him.” I said.
Any good friend or family figure would have stood by him in his situation just the same.
>I shook my head. “No…it’s different. Family should love you. You can have some lifelong friends, but most come and go. I think he saw something in her that made him want to commit. Something that doesn’t just happen every day.”
>I didn’t notice, but the entire time, we had been inching closer as we discussed the story. We were almost touching. A pang of melancholy ran through me, and Kiku pulled away. I could feel the sadness emanating off her.
Maybe you are correct. Love can come at odd moments.
>The air got heavy for just a moment, and then Kiku tilted her head.
I am surprised at how competent you are at writing a lovemaking scene. I was impressed.
>I tried to say something in reply but all I could do was stammer. I completely forgot about the sex scene.
>My mind surged, and I felt warm music from Kiku play in my head. She was laughing. Hard.
My oh my, if you could see the look on your face!
>I grit my teeth as outrage replaces my shame. “Two words. Ara.Ara.”
>Kiku freezes for a moment, her hand placed over her…general mouth area in mock horror as I give her an angry stare.
>Then she clutches my shoulder and we both erupt into laughter.
You are ridiculous!
>” Hey, you’re just as bad!”
>Our joy is cut short as a clap of thunder startles us. It’s pouring outside. We were so caught up in our conversation, we lost track of the time. In fact, I check my clock and it’s almost ten.
John…I should go. It is late.
>My arm catches her sleeve as she starts to walk towards the door. “You don’t have to leave.” I say quietly.
>Kiku puts her hand over mine.
Yes, I do.
>She wraps her arms around me and gives me a hug.
Good night John. Thank you for today. It was pleasant.
>I give her a small smile as she leaves.
>Godammit this is frustrating. There isn’t much else for me to do. I get ready for bed and slip under the covers. The thunder has died down, and now the sound of the rain pelting against my windows calms my nerves. It doesn't take long for me to drift off into a deep slumber.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>I’m sitting in a small windowed cube in the middle of a small forested area. Kiku is in the distance, praying next to a withered cherry blossom tree. She’s cleaning off what looks like a set of stones. There’s three, one large and two small. I can’t really make out what she’s saying. I open the door to the cube and when she sees me she waves and then the landscape shifts.  The leaves disappear from the trees and the ground becomes buried in snow. Everything around me is either dead or covered in snow. I try to make it to the markers and Kiku, but the snow picks up and obscures my vision. I try to call out but then everything fades into a white nothingness.
>I let out a gasp as I woke from my dream. I rubbed my temple as I tried to calm myself down. These dreams…before they were nice. A pleasant distraction from the nightmares I had before I met Kiku. But lately, they’d become very intense.  Why do I keep getting them? I pick up my covers and throw them back on my bed. Maybe I should talk to Kiku about this? It was embarrassing. I didn’t want to come off as a creep, but maybe she would have some insight… wait. Something doesn’t feel right.
>I stood stark still, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. The only noise I could hear was coming from the rain on the windows. It felt just like those nights when Kiku was watching me. Someone was watching me.
> “Kiku! I know you’re there. Come out.”
>Nothing.
> “It’s okay, I’m not mad that you’re here. Just come out and we can talk.”
>Still nothing. Maybe I was wrong?
>I sigh. Well, even if looked crazy, at least no one would know but me. “Alright, since you’re going to be rude and ignore me, I’m going back to bed. Just don’t make any noise, okay?” Maybe I am just being crazy?
>I hear a noise come the left wall and Kiku emerges out of it just like the first time I met her. Her face is completely red with embarrassment.
I…I am so sorry. Please forgive me for intruding. I have no excuse.
Kiku prostates herself before me. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
> “Hey you don’t have to do that! Stop! I just wanted to know why you’re here.”
>She stands up f, trying to regain some of her dignity as she looks at me. The air between us is very awkward.
>I motion towards the edge of the bed. “Do you need a seat?”
>She nods and sits on the bed. Kiku looks at me a couple times, but whenever she sees I’m staring back at her, she averts her gaze and tries to hide her embarrassment with her kimono sleeve.
> “Why are you here?”
I…
>” Making the rounds among your tenants?”
Indeed…
> “You know you don’t have to do that, right? Most of the people here can take care of themselves.”
I know they do not need me. To be truthful, I do not do it for purely unselfish reasons. I have severe insomnia.  Doing this gives me something to do when I do not want to sleep.
>” You have insomnia? I had an uncle who had a hard time going to sleep. Have you tried…?
No, it is not that I cannot sleep. It is that I have vivid, persistent nightmares.
>I move next to her and put my arm on her shoulder. “I didn’t know. How often do you have them?”
Almost every time I sleep.  Except for…
>She pauses and I feel embarrassment seep from her, like she was trying to hide something.
> “You can tell me.”
Except for the night, I stayed with you.
>I’m honestly stunned. I don’t say anything; I just rub her shoulder to comfort her.
When I stayed with you, I did not experience them. I do not understand why.
>Kiku, did you just come here to check on me, or was there something else?
I…I was worried about you.
>I frown. “Worried? Why?”
You have been very sad lately.
>She gestured to her chest.
I can feel it. Am I to blame?
> “It isn’t your fault, it’s just…” I search for the words but nothing feels right.
> “I should admit something too. I’ve also been having persistent nightmares. This is going to be hard to explain...”
>I tell her about my recent dreams, trying not to leave out any details. I explain that I haven’t been having nightmares about the accident recently, but that I see her more in my dreams.
>The air is very tense. Kiku doesn’t move, and I don’t feel anything from her.
John, how many stones were there?
> “Three.”
And they were always under a withered tree?
” Yeah.”
I must go.
>She starts to get up and I grab her arm. “Please don’t leave! I just want to know what’s going on! You know what this means.” I’m afraid if I let her go, I’ll never see her again.
John…I think this is my fault. When a mu-onna, especially one like me, projects her soul into others long enough, fragments of their memories can lodge in the subconscious. Your mind plays with it and then it becomes a dream.
> “So those are memories?”
No…fragments. Your mind takes bits of them and combines them with other pieces of your own thoughts.  I need to leave. For good this time.
>I got up and embraced her. “No! Please don’t go! You said staying with me helped your nightmares, right? Then stay with me! We can talk this out.”
>Kiku brushes her hand over my cheek.
It is not that simple.
> “It is when you care about someone. Kiku, I didn’t want to say anything because I was afraid to push you away. But now it doesn’t matter. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, and I don’t want you to leave. You’re the first thing to give meaning to my life since I lost my parents. I…I love you.  “
>She doesn’t respond for a moment.
I know. I have known you love me for a long time.
> “You have?”
>She places her hand over my heart.
I feel it every time you are with me. It is like a strong, warm pulse. I would have to be stupid to not understand how you feel.
>I give a bitter chuckle. “You’ve known the whole time, huh? I must look like such an idiot.”
>She takes my hand in hers.
Do you want to see how I feel?
>Even if she doesn’t love me, I have to be sure.
> “Yes.”
>Kiku presses her forehead against mine. She gives my hand a tight squeeze and I gasp. My body shook as a powerful sensation filled me. I’ve felt this before. When I would help, Dad fix the house. When mom would sit next to me and read a book while I watched TV. When I got lost in the woods behind my old house and my Dad found me.  Whenever I was near Kiku. Whenever she laughed at me, or made me dinner, or held my hand. It was warm, bright, and overwhelming.
>It was love.
> “I don't understand. If this is how you feel, then why do you keep pushing me away?”
It is not a decision I made lightly. Somethings are just not meant to be.
>I grit my teeth. “That's such bullshit, Kiku! I've been patient, I've waited all this time without explanation. Now you just poured your feelings out to me, and you tell that this can never happen!?”
>Her words thunder in my head.
You have no idea what I am or what I have done! You do not even know me!
>Kiku's anger sobers me. I reach out and touch her hand, but she doesn't respond. She won't look at me.
> “No, I don't know about your past, but I know you. You're a good person. You watch over the people in this place. You helped me find a job, and you made me feel special when I thought I was all alone. You're the woman I love.”
> Something like a ragged sob comes from Kiku, it felt like heartbreak given form.
John, stop! You're making this so difficult!
>” Something awful happened to you in Japan. Something bad enough that you don't want to share it with me. But Kiku, when I was hurting I told you what happened. And even though you couldn't magically fix everything, you made my life way better. “I feel a cold knot catch in my throat. “I just wanted to do the same for you.”
>She still wasn't saying anything. I put my finger under her chin and titled her head towards me. Two tears where streaming down her blank face.
>” Kiku, you're crying.” I say with concern evident in my voice.
What? No! Why would I be doing that!
> I use my hand to wipe away the tears as I talk to her. “Listen, I know there's a lot going on in your head. But I'm here for you. You can take as much time as you need.”
John…
>I lean in a give her a kiss right on the…general mouth area. I feel a shock of emotions rush through her before she settles on one. Happiness. She returns my kiss by placing her hands around my back and embracing me.
> I stop kissing her long enough to ask her something. Kiku, would you mind if I attended to you tonight? I'd like to return the favor.”
>She tries to stifle a weak laugh, but I can still feel it.
I would love nothing more.
>We begin to undress each other. We aren't wearing much, I'm just in a night shirt and some boxers and she's wearing a silk nightgown with a sensible bra and some modest black panties.
>I move my fingers behind her back and start to undue her bra when she stops me.
I'm sorry I did not wear more appealing undergarments. I was not expecting anyone to see them.
> “It doesn't matter. I'm just happy I can be with you.”
>Warmth is emanating from her. Kiku is so happy she's practically glowing.
>I finish unbuckling her bra and she slides it off her chest, freeing her beautiful, soft white breasts. I being rubbing my fingers over them, slowly stroking the area just outside of her nipples. She shivers, and motions for me to rub harder. I begin to massage them, kneading her doughy, large breasts as she lets a surge of pleasure course into me. I use my thumb to stroke her nipples, daintily at first. Just a small touch. I know the anticipation is killing her.
John…stop teasing me.
>I laugh and lean in for a kiss. The area around her mouth parts slightly and my tongue slides inside of her. It feels warm and incredibly moist…it doesn't feel that much different from when I French kissed my first girlfriend, though I recoil in surprise.
Was that too strange? I know that it must be difficult sharing an intimate kiss with a faceless woman so I thought I would…
>I don't let her finish her sentence before I shove my tongue back into her “mouth”. We continued to kiss each other, only breaking contact long enough for her to pull off my shirt. Her hands roam over my body before I lower her onto the bed.  I hook my fingers around her panties and pull them past her delicious full thighs before she extends her legs into the air so I can slip them off. My hand lightly brushes over her bush before I feel those familiar bells jingle in my head.
>” Why are you laughing now?” I say with grin.
It is just…well I have come to the realization that until I met you I had not made love with a man in my current body.
> I frown. “Current body?”
Mu-onna are a usually a product of specific circumstances. It is…complicated. But in a way, it makes me happy. It means when we made love you technically took my virginity.
> Her comment makes me feel embarrassed for some reason. “I guess that's true. Wait, then how did you know about that whole 'I can tighten any part of my body' trick?”
>Kiku turns her head away and I can feel embarrassment wash off her as she tries to hide her face.
I was alone for a long time, but I still had physical needs. I simply found more creative outlets.
>To my credit, I did stifle my laughter but I couldn't help but grin like an idiot.
> “Kiku's a pervert~” I said in a sing-song voice.
>Kiku grabs the pillow behind her and hits me with it.
I am not a pervert! How dare you say something like that!
>Before she can smack me again, I pull the pillow out of her hands and grab her arms. “Hey I'm just messing around! It’s not like I had a lot of experience.”
I am surprised. You were very competent.
>Her compliment stokes the flames inside of me, and I pull her into a ferocious kiss. I don't give her anytime to protest as I make my way down her body, planting several little nips on her breasts before I descend past her slightly pudgy tummy till I finally reach my destination. Her womanhood. I brace my arms around her legs and then look up at her. She's incredibly wet, her folds dripping with arousal as I give her a gentle lick across her clit. Kiku shudders and I feel pleasure and arousal flow from her. Good, I can at least tell how she's feeling. Her toes curl and I could see her chest rapidly moving up and down. I'm gentle at first, most probing around the outside, but I soon slide my tongue into her snatch and begin to pleasure her insides while I stroke her clit. She tastes bittersweet, but it doesn't really bother me Her breathing becomes more erratic and then all at once, she spasms, sending a wave of love juice dribbling down my chin. I pull away satisfied with my work. Kiku lies on the bed with the back of hand over her forehead, basking in the afterglow of her orgasm.
>” Did I do a good job?”
>Kiku pulls me next to her and nuzzles my nose in an imitation of an Eskimo kiss, gratitude emanating from her.
Yes, you did an excellent job.
>I give her a small smile. “You're welcome.”
John. I think I am ready.
>Kiku spreads her legs and gives me another Eskimo kiss.
>I return the gesture with a quick peck and then position myself between her legs. I take my cock in my hand and rub the tip against her snatch. She moans as I continue to rub my glans against her clit before she admonishes me.
What are you doing? Put it in already!
> “Are you sure?”
>Kiku projects her need in me. Her desire for companionship. Her loneliness. The raw need fills me, much like the first night we made love.
I am sure.
>I bend over and give her one more kiss before I slowly slide my dick into her slit. She lets out a low moan as I press into her. I make sure to take my time, allowing her to savor every inch as I plunge into her. She tightens her snatch, as I begin to move. I can feel her tightening as each small thrust sends a larger wave of pleasure with each new motion. We stay like this for a while, her toes curling as I gently slide into her. Before long, I can feel myself getting close. Kiku's insides feel ungodly good, but I should take her pleasure into account too. I stop moving and look into her face.
> “Hey, not that I don't love how that feels, but could we stop for a minute? I don't want to cum too early.”
That is acceptable.
>I feel the tension ease and let out a sigh of relief. “I'm sorry, I'd continue if I could.”
>She giggles at me.
It is fine. I am just happy I can be connected to you.
> “Physically or emotionally?”
>She presses her forehead against mine.
Both, obviously.
>” Kiku…” God when she's like this it makes me so happy.
> “I think I can continue.” I tell her. She gives me a subtle nod, and I can feel anticipation coming from her. Time to reward Kiku for her patience. My right-hand brushes over her breasts and I rub my hand over the smooth, supple flesh. She lets out another shiver of pleasure before I begin to suckle her left breast, swirling my tongue over her nipple. Kiku lets out another moan and I feel my own arousing growing. Then I give her a light thrust with my hips. She returns in kind, thrusting her groin into me as I do. And then I thrust harder. She follows in kind, matching the intensity. I smile as I thrust into her, taking her hands into mine as I continue to hilt inside of her. Kiku locks her fingers around mine and I plant another kiss on her face. Our bodies have become covered in sweat from all the excitement. Each movement, each thrust sends a feeling of pleasure into me, magnified by Kiku's own pleasure. It is amazing motivation. After a couple minutes, I'm thrusting into her with all I have, both of us letting out cries of pleasure. The sweat combined with the intensity of our movements makes it feel like we are trying to fold into one being, to come together and lose ourselves in our mutual pleasure.
>I can feel myself getting closer. “Kiku, I'm going to cum outside, okay?”
>With amazing swiftness, Kiku locks her legs around my back, preventing me from pulling out.
Do not even think about it. Cumming anywhere else is unacceptable!
>I grin “Yes ma'am!” Her encouragement gives me a much needed second wind and I grit my teeth as I speed up my movements. Kiku's soft demure sounds of pleasure give way to loud lustful moans as I pound inside, harder and harder. Finally, she arches her back and I find myself lost in the moment as her orgasm melds with mine. The experience is so intense I don't even feel myself cum inside of her. My body is still moving on instinct, but I'm completely awash in her emotions as I continue to buck weakly inside of her.
>And then everything gets fuzzy. I feel something overtake me, and the line between the two of us blurs. I start hearing voices…
I'm sure I'll see you again, my love. Take care of yourself.
Thanks for everything Ms. Kiku. I'm glad you were my mom.
Are you sure you want to do this? I don't think this is the solution to your problems. This feels less like penance and more like self-loathing
>A small house. A little tree. A river. A set of three stones. An old monk.
>That's what I can make out. Everything else is a jumble of emotions and I find myself shaking as I pull out of Kiku. What…what was that? Kiku jumps off the bed. The fear coming off her was tangible.
No, you were not supposed to see any of that!
> “Kiku, what was that?”
This was a mistake. I never should have done this.
>Kiku was moving backwards as she spoke, getting closer and closer to the walls of my room.
> “Kiku, wait! We can talk about this!” I move next to her and try to put my arm around her, to comfort her and calm her down.
>She shakes her head.
I was foolish to think this could happen. Goodbye John. You really did make me feel special.
>She presses her back into the wall and before I can even move she's disappears.
>I fall to my knees. She's gone. And I might never see her again.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>The next morning I pull out my phone and dial Fumina's number.
> “Fumina? It's me I need your-” I don't get to finish as she cuts me off, practically shouting into the phone.
> “What the hell happened? She came to my office, and told me she wanted to transfer ownership of the apartment complex to me so she could move back to Japan! What did you do!?”
> “I don't even know. Did she look upset?”
> “John, she's a mu-onna! How could I even tell!?”
> “I mean, can't you feel what she's feeling?”
> “What are you talking about? “
> “Listen, can we meet and discuss this in person? There's a lot going on here, and talking over the phone isn't helping.”
> “Okay. Okay, we can do that. I don't have any appointments till after lunch. You okay with a sushi joint? My treat.”
>After she gives me directions, I end up taking the subway to a little sushi parlor she frequents. When I walk in, she's sitting in a corner booth clearly agitated, her large fluffy tail flicks as I approach her.
> “All right, tell me everything.”
>I tell her about how I reconciled with Kiku, how things were going so well and then she just freaked out and left. I told her about that weird experience, where heard those strange voices, and the pictures I saw in my head.
>Fumina slides down in her seat, slightly creasing her pants suit as she sighs. “This is worse than I thought. She really likes you, she only ever lets people feel her emotions when she gets attached. Hell, I can't even tell what she's feeling most of the time.”
> “If she likes me so much, why is she doing this?”
“Some bad stuff happened to her when she was younger, a lot of people she cared about got hurt. She blames herself. I guess you could call it survivor's guilt.”
> “I don't care what it is, I'm not giving up on her!”
>A fire flashes through Fumina's eyes as she regards me. “That's the spirit!”
> “All right, how do we fix this?”
> “Kiku said she needed help packing some larger stuff in a couple days. I was going to come over and help. Though I think I can get you in there instead. As for the Japan thing, you’re still working under Nefti at the paper company, right? I think I have a couple ideas…”
>We spend the rest of our time in the shop making plans. I've come too far to give up on Kiku now. I just pray I can convince her to stay.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>It's been a couple days, Fumina and I managed to run some stuff by Nefti. Hopefully I can convince her to talk with me.
>I gulp as I knock on the door. I can hear the door unlock and Kiku peeks her head out the door.
Fumina! Excellent! Now I can…
>She freezes when she sees me.
You should not be here.
>Her “voice” is almost a whisper.
Did Fumina put you up to this?
> “No, I asked her if she would help me. Can I please come in? The least I can do is help you pack. I'm sure I'd be more helpful at moving stuff than Fumina. I uh…also need to return some clothes you left on my floor.”
>Kiku begrudgingly opens the door and signals for me to come inside.
>I hand her a bag with the underwear she left in my apartment. The two of us start packing. We barely speak as we do. Kiku only talks to me when she needs help moving something or if she needs to tell me where something is located. It goes quicker than I thought it would between the two of us, I just needed to help move some heavier stuff. She has most of her personal affects already packed.
>I finally decide to speak. “So, you're leaving for Japan?”
Yes. I have been here for a couple years. I think it might be time to go home.
> “What about your tenants?”
As you said a couple nights ago, they do not need me. I am just being intrusive.
>I walk over to her, my voice almost a whisper. “What about me?”
>She puts a hand under my chin.
You do not need me either. You are a very strong person. I am sure you will be fine.
> “Kiku, I know I don't 'need' you. I want you. I love you. You're shutting me out. Can't you at least tell me why?”
>She doesn't say anything.
> “I talked to Fumina and Nefti. Since you gave Fumina control over the complex, she comped my rent for this month. I also bargained out a loan with her, so I have a plane ticket to Japan. Nefti told me I could transfer to a paper branch in Japan, so I'd have a job. Fumina maintained enough connections in Japan to help me get a place for at least a month. She said I'm 'in her debt'. I was kind of afraid to ask what that meant.”
>She looks at me, surprise emanating from her.
Why are you doing this?
“Because I don't want to give up on you. I wanted you to see that I would drop anything to be with you. You're the only thing keeping me here.”
>I reach out and place my hand on top of hers.
> “Can you explain why you so frightened by the idea of us being together. Please?”
You want to understand why I am like this?
>I nod my head.
Alright. Sit on the couch.
>As I sit down, she places her hand over my heart and it begins to tingle. “What are you doing?”
Mu-onnas are spirits given form. I can share memories with you, though I require close contact.
Her hand starts to soften and merge into my chest, much like when Kiku moves through a solid object. I gasp but I don't feel any pain.
*Now take a deep breath, and allow yourself to…
>The world around me begins to fade and everything becomes pitch black.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>I felt like I was drifting forever.
>Okay maybe not forever.
>Maybe more like a month, I don’t know my sense of time was warped.
>Things started to get bright and the blank void around me began to take shape.
>I was…me still. I think. But now I was looking out through someone else’s eyes.
>Everything around me looked so different. I was in a house of some kind. But this wasn’t adding up. The floor was some kind of tatami mat looking thing, but it didn’t look quite right. The architecture looked like something out of an old samurai movie or maybe one of those old period piece museum exhibits from Japanese history. There was weaving loom and a couple of small knickknacks, but the whole place had an ancient feel to it.
John, are you alright?
> “Kiku? Where are you?”
With you.  You are seeing through my eyes. Rather, I should say my past self’s eyes.
>So I was talking to Kiku, but my Kiku from the present, not the Kiku from the past acting as my point of view. Good God, this was confusing. “Wow. This is…weird. Really really weird.”
Would you like me to discontinue the experience?
> “No, I think I need to do this.” The only way I could learn more about her was to see this through. If I backed out now, I’d just look like a huge coward.
>Someone knocked on the door and the memory Kiku jerked her head in its direction. A Japanese man wearing some kind of worn blue Japanese clothing entered the house, a smile on his face as he looked at Kiku. He was on the short side, with his scruffy hair covered by a bamboo hat and clothes soiled with sweat. He must have been a merchant, judging by the massive bundles of goods he sat on the ground.
> “Kiku my love, it’s good to see you!” He walked over and gave Kiku a kiss on the lips. I could feel her smile in return.
> “Kazuma! How was Kyoto?”
> “Excellent! I managed to find new clientele for our clothes. Maybe we can afford to buy some more expensive fabric for our next order. Hopefully the next time I go to the capital, I’ll be able to pedal my wares to some of the higher-class nobles.”
>Wait, Kyoto was the capital? And he said nobles…I knew Mu-onnas aged differently from humans, but exactly how old was Kiku?
> “That would be excellent my love. Did you pick anything up for Shiro?”
>He gave her a wry smile before pulling out a pair of wooden figurines. One looked like a little samurai, wearing a full set of armor and brandishing a sword. The other was a tiger, crouched and read to pounce. “For my family, only the best will do.”
>Kiku laughed and gave her husband another kiss. God this was strange. I hoped nothing else happened while I was in this memory. That would just be awkward. Thankfully my thoughts were interrupted as the door burst open to reveal a little boy. He couldn't be older than eight. Was he Kiku's son?
> “Mom! Dad’s back!” He frowned as he saw his father “Aww, I thought I was going to tell Mom!”
>His father chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Maybe next time, my son.”
> “Did you bring anything from Kiyoto?” He asked with a hopeful grin.
> “Hmmmm, I don’t recall picking up anything…unless you were especially good while I was gone. That might help jog my memory.”
> “I promise I was good! I helped Mom with the laundry and I went to bed early and I helped Mom put up all the dishes and…”
>Kazuma let out a laugh and revealed the little wooden figures hiding behind his back. Shiro let out a gasp of surprise before his father handed them to him.
> “Try to take care of them. They were a bit expensive.”
>Shiro tackled his dad in a hug. “ThankyouThankyouThankyou!”
>Kazuma laughed as he patted his son’s head. “I’m glad you like them. Now go play, I need to talk to your mother.”
Shiro raced out the door as Kazuma dusted himself off.
“He’s a good child. We were really lucky, dear.”
Kiku moved next to him and laced her fingers in between his. “Yes, we were.” She said quietly.
“I was wondering if you two would like to come with me next time. I have this nice little house picked out just for us.”
> “That would be lovely.”
> “Kiku, when we get settled there…would you like to have another child?”
>I felt Kiku give him a gentle squeeze. “Nothing would make me happier.”
>The memory started to fade and everything went black. Kiku, my Kiku, materialized next to me.
> “What’s going on?”
I am not going to make you sit through everything I have done. We are going to go to the next major memory.
>Kiku sighed. I could notice some hesitance when she spoke again.
Does it upset you? Realizing that I am this decrepit?
“That’s never been a problem. I just didn’t realize you’d been alive for that long. How is that even possible? Are mu-onnas immortal?”
You will understand more in time.
>I tried to change the subject to ease the awkward tension. “You seemed really happy with them.”
Them?
> “Your family.”
Kazuma was the love of my mortal existence. Shiro was my first born. I miss them terribly. It is the first time I have seen them in decades.
>I felt a wave of sadness surge off her.
>Godammit, why did I say that? Of course, that would upset her.
>She doesn’t need to do this. I already know something happened to her family. She doesn’t need to push herself like this. “Are you sure you want to keep going, Kiku?”
No, I am fine. You want to understand.
>I place a hand on her…shoulder? God, this mindscape thing is weird. “You can stop any time you need to. This isn’t more important than your mental health.”
John, I appreciate your concern, but I am stronger than you think. I need to do this.
>I felt determination washing off Kiku.
> “All right. Shall we continue then?”
>Kiku took my hand in hers.
Yes.
>Everything started to shift and I could feel myself being pulled into another one of her memories.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>The next memory begins to fade into being, like a picture from an old Polaroid camera.
>Kiku was kneeling with her family in front of a large tree. It was…it was the same tree from my dreams. Except, there weren’t any stones around it. Kiku and her family seemed to be praying. After a couple minutes, they bowed to the tree and began to walk towards an old dusty road.
>” What was that about?” I said to myself.
>I felt Kiku’s voice enter my mind as I spoke.
A prayer of protection for a safe journey. The guardian spirit of the land lives in that tree.
> “Seriously? So, the spirit world is a real thing?”
>Would I be conversing with you if it was not?
> “Fair enough.” I decide to be quiet and focus on the memory.
>The three walk in relative silence. Shiro ran between his parents while Kiku and Kazuma held hands. They really did look like a happy family.
> “Are you excited to see our new house, Shiro?”
> “Yeah! I can’t wait! It’s gonna be way bigger than our old one, right?”
>Kazuma laughs at his son’s enthusiasm. “Oh, I know you’re going to love it son. It’s got a lot of places for you to play in, and your mother is going to finally have enough space for all her looms.”
>Shiro’s smile turns into a frown. “Will the old spirit from the tree follow us?”
> “Of course not Shiro, that’s his home.”
>Shiro sighs. “That makes me sad. We play together all the time. I’ll miss him a lot.”
>Kiku and Kazuma share a worried look, but they didn’t say anything else to Shiro about it. It was common for kids to have imaginary friends after all, especially when they lived in the middle of nowhere.
>The path eventually ends at an old wooden bridge stretching across a large river, the current swiftly coursing underneath. The bridge looked ancient, like it had been constructed in a completely different time. It was the only easy way across the river, but lately, Kazuma had voiced his fear over the old wooden planks giving away. The river’s current was powerful, there was always the danger of falling in and being dashed across the sharp rocks that jutted out of the water.  The boards creaked as the family walked across it. There was only enough space for them to walk single file, Kazuma at the front, Kiku right behind him, and Shiro in the very back, bouncing around oblivious to the danger the old bridge possessed.
> “Shiro, stop that! This bridge is very old. You need to be more respectful.”
> “Sorry dad.” He stops jumping around, though a couple boards still creak uneasily.
> “Honestly, the governor needs to repair this old thing. It could break at any- “As if on cue, Kazuma’s next step caused the board to break. Then another. And another. The bridge gives way, and the family screams as they are cast into the river below.
>Kiku’s head sinks beneath the water for a couple moments before her husband’s hand pulls her above the crashing stream. “Shiro!” she screams “Where’s Shiro?” She sees her son bobbing up and down in the river. Kiku grabs ahold of him, but Shiro’s flailing keeps her from getting a firm grip on him. She gritted her teeth as she tries to keep him from floating away, but after a couple seconds of struggling, her son slips out of her grasp.
> “Mom! Dad!” Shiro flails his arms as the current pushed him further and further away from his family. Kazuma grabs ahold of a large rock in the middle of the stream and hoists Kiku on top of it.
> “Kiku, wait here! I’m going to go after Shiro.”
> “Kazuma, no! I’m coming too!”
>He shakes his head. “The currents too strong, if you get pulled in, you won’t be able to make it.”
> “But what about you!?”
>He gives her a look of grim determination. “I have to try Kiku. For Shiro. I’m sure I'll see you again, my love. Take care of yourself.” He gives her one last kiss before diving back into the river. Kiku watches as he swims after their son, the current pulling the two closer and closer together.
> “Yes, yes you’ve almost got him!” She shouts.
>She smiles as Kazuma grabbed her son’s hand…and then she noticed the pile of large rocks in front of them.
> “Kazuma!” she shouted. But it was too late, with a dull crunch, Kazuma and Shiro smashed into the rocks, their broken bodies disappearing under the water before Kiku could even make another sound. Kiku clutches her hand to her chest for a moment, unsure of what to do. Then she lets out a cry of pure anguish as tears streak down her cheeks and blur her vison.
>Mercifully, the memory begins to fade, the background becoming dim before I’m engulfed once again into the darkness.
>I can feel Kiku’s presence next to me as I drift in the dark void of this dreamscape.
>I don’t say anything to her. What do you say to the person that just relived the death of their family?
>I put my hands on hers as she looks at me. “I’m so sorry.”
>A single tear rolls down her cheek. I don’t know how any of this works. I’m guessing that whatever I can see is just the closest approximation to how she feels. She looks like she’s about to burst into tears.
I miss them so much. Seeing that happen again…it was very painful.
> “I can tell they meant the world to you.” I tell her.
>We drift in the void for a couple minutes before she speaks again.
The reason I wanted to help you, the reason I spent so much time with you...I know what it is like to have your entire world pulled out from under you.
>I squeezed her hand. “Thank you for everything, Kiku.”
Thank you too, John. You are giving me the strength to get through this.
> “Wait…there’s more?”
Yes. Unfortunately,
>I frown as I regard her. “Are you sure you want to continue this? I’m really worried about you.”
>Kiku gives me a peck on the cheek.
I want to continue. You need to see the full story.
>I sigh and grip her hand tighter. “All right, let’s go then. But anytime it gets to be too much for you, just say the word and we can stop.”
>Warmth emanates from Kiku, she’s grateful for what I’m doing. I’m just worried about her. God…what else could have happened to her?
>The void begins to flicker and the next memory begins to fade into view.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
of sake in her hands and she was standing at the foot of two freshly dug graves complete with stone markers. She takes a swig from the sake bottle before falling to her knees, tears blurring her vision.
> “What happened?”
After the accident, a pair of wandering merchants rescued me from the rock. Kazuma and Shiro…their bodies washed up downstream. I buried them next to the guardian spirit’s tree. So, it could watch over them forever.
> “And now?”
>She didn’t say anything else. I don’t want to press her so I turn my attention back to the memory.
>Kiku stands up, wobbling slightly as she does. She began to trudge down the old road, making her way down the old beaten path, sake bottle still in hand. What is she doing? It’s getting dark, why is she wandering out here? I can feel her dragging her feet as she finally reaches her destination
>Wait, this is the bridge. What is she doing here? Kiku chugs the rest of the bottle of sake before throwing it into the river. She climbs on top of one of the side railing and looks down at the flowing currents. Oh, my God! No! No no no no! Oh God, I don’t want to see this!
>Kiku gives one last look at the water before jumping off the bridge, the world rushing around her eyes before she slams head first into the water.
 The murky water clouds her vision before the world fades into black. I watch in stunned silence as everything fades into darkness. But this time, I can tell it isn’t the end of the memory. Kiku is on her knees. I can hear voices. They sound like Shiro’s and Kazuma’s, along with peculiar voices. Voices that don’t sound quite…human.  Suddenly, a bright light opens at the end of a long tunnel, and Kiku stands up. She begins to walk down the tunnel, until a force pushes her back.
>Someone starts speaking. It sounds like three or four voices melded together, some male, some female, some distinctly alien.
Kiku. Why have you come here?
>Kiku quickly fell to her knees in a bow towards the mighty voice. “Are you a God?”
In a way. I am the spirit of this land. I watch over the living and guide the dead to the afterlife where they might find peace. But Kiku…
>The spirit pauses, almost as though it is regarding her.
This was not how your story was to end, Kiku. You were supposed to remarry, have children, and time would eventually heal your wounds. You were not supposed to take your own life.
> Kiku gives the spirit a bitter laugh. “What’s the point!? My family is dead, my life is in tatters. At least this way, I can be with them again.”
Kiku, what you did was wrong. To your family, time would have passed in an instant. You could have lived a full life, and then rejoined your loved ones her. You were not supposed to give in to despair and come here by your own hand.
> “None of that matters anymore! I gave my life. Now I can see them again.” She snapped angrily.
No Kiku, you cannot. You are going back to the realm of the living.
> “What!? No! That isn’t what I want!”
Kiku, you will live out your time on Earth as a living spirit. You will stay there until you let the bitterness and sorrow out of your heart, and accept your life. Only when you have found peace will you be able to enter the door of light. Goodbye, Kiku. May you be successful in your journey through your second life.
>Kiku tries to speak but the world shifts around her, and suddenly, she is back on the edge of the river, completely soaked but alive. But something wasn’t right. Everything looks so…vibrant. I could tell it was dark, but I could still see everything around her. Kiku tries to blink her eyes. Then she runs a panicked hand over her face. There’s nothing there. No face. No eyes. No mouth. Kiku looks at her hands. They were an inhuman shade of greyish white. She falls to the ground and clutches her wrists, clearly scared out of her mind.
What am I?
>Everything begins to fade as we move to the next memory…
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>When the next memory flickered into view, Kiku was standing out in the snow. She has a little girl bundled up in her kimono. The poor thing looks like she has hypothermia. Kiku has the girl pressed against her body as she runs desperately towards a small village, trying to allow her body heat to warm the child.
>An angry mob of villagers surround the outside of the village, bearing small lanterns to see through the winter night. Each one of the men is carrying farm tool as a weapon, while the women huddle next to their husbands and whisper in fear. Then one of them notices Kiku running at them and points his scythe at her menacingly.
> “Stop, you monster! We know you took that little girl.”
>The crowd starts to chant. “Mu-onna!” “Nothing Woman!” “Give us back our child!”
>Kiku slowly undoes the front of her kimono and pulls the little girl out of her clothes. Her face is almost blue, but she’s still breathing.
>Someone throws a stone at Kiku’s face. I cringe as it rebounds off her.
>The crowd is getting more restless. The men are clutching their farm tools like weapons and the women are screaming curses at Kiku.
> “We know what you are monster!”
> “You hide in the mountains and steal our children because you lost your own!”
> “Go back to your own world, you damn beast!”
> “Wait!” Kiku turns to see a man and a woman rush through the crowd. The woman grabs the child and presses her into her chest while the man blocks the crowd from closing in on Kiku.
> “If she meant to harm our daughter, she would have done so. Don’t touch her!” The man bellows.
>The crowd seems momentarily unsure of what to do. They are clearly arguing among each other if they should attack Kiku or not. Kiku tries to explain her intentions to the crowd, to make them realize she isn’t a threat.
I found her freezing by the side of the road. I was drawn to her pain. I tried to get to the village as fast as I could, but traveling through the snow was difficult.
>The little girl’s eyes flicker open and she reaches for Kiku. Her mother let’s go off her in surprise as she jumps into Kiku’s arms.
> “Don’t hurt her!” She screams. The crowd mutters a couple of stern words, but they’ve become more visibly relaxed.
> “Thanks for everything, Ms. Kiku. I'm glad you were my mom for a day.” The little girl is chattering as she speaks. The poor thing is half frozen but she still gives Kiku a hug to show her gratitude.
I am glad you are alright, but I must go before the villagers do something rash. Stay safe, child. I hope you and your family live long lives together.
>The family thanks Kiku again for reuniting them with their daughter, but the mob doesn’t stop casting dirty looks in her direction.
>Kiku swiftly departs from the village, running back to her home as fast as her feet will carry her. As she crests the hill overlooking the hamlet, Kiku repeats the taunts of the villagers to herself.
Mu-Onna
Nothing Woman
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>My vision swirls around me and Kiku’s standing in front of the guardian spirit’s tree again. But this time she isn’t alone. A Buddhist priest is standing next to her, a small pipe in his mouth as he eyes Kiku with a mixture of pity and empathy. It sounds like they’re in the middle of a conversation.
You said your job was to end the suffering of the sick and hunt dangerous monsters. I think I qualify as both of those.
>The monk shakes his head. “You aren’t a monster, Kiku. I knew you before you became a youkai. I blessed your child when he came into this world. And I know you helped save that young girl, despite what the villagers think.” He sighs as he shakes taps the embers out of the small pipe in his hands. He
Thank you, Takano. But I cannot live like this any longer. I cannot die until I complete my task, the guardian spirit has already made that abundantly clear. But how can I do that when I have turned into this abomination? The only thing I can hope for is to be sealed away. At least then, I will not be in pain.
> “Are you sure you want to do this? I don't think this is the solution to your problems. This feels less like penance and more like self-loathing.
This life no longer holds anything I care about Takano. My family is gone. My body is an aberration. The village I grew up in hates me. I am drawn to the suffering of others, but I can do nothing about it. They either shun me or call me a monster. It feels like I am being torn apart. I just want to rest.
>The old monk shakes his head as he regards her. “This isn’t an answer, Kiku.”
Takano, do you really think I deserve to live? I failed my family. Kazuma and Shiro died because I was too weak to hold on to them. I couldn’t even find peace with them in the afterlife. Now I am this faceless wretch…
> “Do you really think you deserve everything bad thing that’s happened to you since you lost your family?”
Yes.
>Takano bit his lip, rage and frustration passing through his face before he sighed and put on a neutral expression. “Fine Kiku, I will give you the peace you seek. But it will not be eternal. When someone disturbs the object, you are sealed within, you will be released back into the world.
That is all I ask.
>Kiku walks over the gravestones. There’s a third stone sitting next to the other two. Kiku must have placed it there recently. It still looked new.
> “Why the third stone?” the monk asks.
It is my own. Even if I cannot move on, I can watch over my family’s final resting place.
>The old monk nods his head in respect and begins to chant, drawing a circle of confinement on Kiku’s headstone as he continues to chant.
>I can feel Kiku’s body become lighter as she’s pulled into the headstone, her body merging with the stone. Kiku’s vision begins to fade and the world goes dark around me, this time for good. I hear the old monk say one last thing before he completely fades from vision.
> “I hope when you wake, you eventually find the peace you seek. Good bye, Kiku. May the gods watch over you.”
>The world is shifting around me. A bright light opens ahead and as I walk towards it, I feel myself fading back into consciousness…
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>I’m back in the present. Kiku is still standing over me, her hands on my chest. I can feel moisture on my cheeks. Tears? Has she been crying? I don’t think she knows I’m awake.  She starts as I reach my hand to her face and wipe a tear from her cheek.
>I give her a weak smile as she looks down at me. “Hey.”
You are awake.
> “Yeah.”
>I feel a bit groggy but otherwise I’m okay. Still something has been bothering me. “So how did you get in our world after you were sealed away?
Fumina. She was doing surveying for a real estate company and accidently broke the seal to my prison while she was looking at the guardian spirit’s tree.
>I nod my head at her explanation. It makes sense. It would explain why she relies on Fumina so much. She was the first person she met in this new world.
>We both get quiet for a bit, not quite knowing what to say to each other. I know nothing I say is going to fix Kiku’s problems, but I must try something. “Listen I know nothing I say can take away the pain you felt. But for what it’s worth, I think you’re very brave to have shown me all that stuff. It must have been really hard sitting through that again.”
>Kiku jumps off me, and moves to the center of the room. She’s obviously upset. I can feel the unease coming off her.
Now you understand what I am, don’t you? A woman that couldn’t even save her family. A woman that went against the wishes of the gods and ended her own life because she was too weak to carry on. A cursed wretch, drawn to suffering but unable to help anyone. Unable to find happiness. A true mu-onna, a nothing wom-
>I don’t let her finish her sentence as I spring up from the bed and pull her into a hug.
> “Do you know what I saw in those memories Kiku? A kind loving woman that tragically lost her family. A woman so full of love, she couldn’t live without them and chose to give her life just to see them again. A woman forced into a new body against her wishes. A woman that didn’t give up on others and rescued a little girl even though she could have been hurt by an angry mob.”
>I can feel all her emotions bubbling over in a cauldron of confusion, sadness, and pain.
> “I saw the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
>Shock emanates from Kiku, giving me an uncomfortable nettling sensation.
John I…I do not understand. I have no face. My life is a mess. I am technically a couple hundred years your senior…but you persist in pursuing me?
> “None of that matters! I told you I loved you, didn’t I? That doesn’t go away when you find out about someone’s past. I know that you’ve had a lot of awful shit happen to you. I can’t make that magically go away. But I can be here for you, to help share the burden. Just like what you did for me.”
But what if something happens to you?
> “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? You’re scared of losing someone else you care about.”
>Kiku didn’t say anything but I can tell I hit the nail on the head.
> “Kiku...you can’t ever move forward with your life with that attitude. Everyone has lost someone important to them during their life. That doesn’t mean you just stop living. Isn’t that what the guardian spirit and the monk tried to tell you?”
>Her grip on my arms tightens but I can’t tell what she’s feeling.
> “I’m never going to let you go Kiku, even if you leave for Japan, I’ll chase you until you say yes. I know how you really feel. I’m not going to give up on you because you think you don’t deserve happiness!
Kiku’s head darts to the side. She’s trying to hide her emotions as she thinks to herself. Then she speaks in a quiet voice.
Promise me then.
> “Promise you what?” I ask gently.
Promise me that you will always stay close to me so I can protect you.
>My face lights up in a full smile. “Does this mean you’re staying in town?
No, John. It means I’m staying with you.
Kiku presses her face to me and gives me a ferocious kiss. I feel fireworks go off as her body mingles with mine, all the sadness and pain of the last couple of months washed clean as we embrace.
> “I love you Kiku.”
I love you too John.
>We begin to undress each other. My hands are still shaking a bit, some of the adrenaline catching up to me. After all this time, Kiku finally said yes.
>She grabs my arm as I fumble with her bra.
John, calm down. We have all the time in the world together. You don’t have to…EEEEP!
>She makes a cute confused noise in my head as I shove her onto the bed and undue the obi around her kimono. I peel it back to reveal the tender white flesh underneath, my hands gliding over her full beautiful breasts. I lower my head to her breast and begin to lick her nipples. A surge of pleasure hits me as she arches her back. Good. She’s enjoying this. Now I just need to…
>Kiku suddenly pushes me down on the bed, my face pressed between her beautiful doughy bosoms as she looks down at me.
Ara, Ara. What an impertinent young man. Don’t you think it’s time I took the lead?
>I blink in confusion for a moment before my lips twist into a smug grin. “Did you just Ara Ara me?”
That is…just because…I cannot believe you!
>I can feel indignation swirl out of Kiku. Hohoho, someone’s a little sensitive! She violently tugs off my shirt and my pants soon follow suite. Kiku throws her kimono over her shoulders, not even bothering to fold the poor thing. Man, Kiku is OCD about wrinkles; she must be serious today.
>Kiku grabs me and pushes my back onto her lap. Before I can even utter a word, she strips off my boxers, exposing my hardened manhood.
Oh me. That looks painful. Perhaps there is something this old woman could do to make it feel better.
>She begins to stroke my member, her delicate soft hands skillfully massaging my cock. I gasp slightly as she reaches the head, her touch light, yet at the same time highly stimulating. It’s like the flesh of her hand is coiling around me.
John, would you like to…you know…
>Kiku places a hand underneath one of her breasts holding it towards my mouth. I don’t even hesitate as I latch onto her breast. She tries to stifle a moan as I swirl my tongue over her nipple.
How do you feel, dear?
> “Sahfe.” I say, my speech somewhat garbled by the nipple in my mouth.
Good.
>I feel a warm glow of self-satisfaction from her. Pride. I don’t think I’ve felt that much from Kiku. She redoubles her efforts, her hands effortlessly passing over my glands. I stop playing with her chest and let out a moan before spurting my load into Kiku’s hand. She giggles as she continues to milk me. Kiku doesn’t stop stroking until she’s sure ever last bit of cum has poured onto her hand.
Such a rich flavor.
>I can feel her laugh again, more satisfied with her efforts than anything else, as my cum starts to fade off her finger tips. I don’t know if I’m ever going to get used to Mu-onna biology in action.
How did it feel to let me spoil you for a bit?
“I loved every second of it.” I say.
That’s goo-Wait what are you doing!?
>My hands had drifted down past her waist line and into her panties.
> “Making you feel good.” I say matter-of-factly.
You don’t have to-
“Yes, I do.”
>I gently tease her clit moving my hands over the little delicate tip. She tries not to give me a reaction but I can see she’s curling her toes. Within moments, she’s become visibly wet; the outside of her panties are soaked. Kiku meekly asks me to continue as my fingers enter her snatch, delicately tracing the interior of her womanhood. Kiku’s insides spasm, gripping onto my fingers as I speed up my movements. She lets out a meek cry of pleasure as she cums, her juices gushing out of her cunt. I smile as I pull my fingers out of her. She let out a surprising amount of femcum.
> “That was quite impressive.”
Kiku doesn’t say anything; she just covers her face with a pillow.
> “Hey, what’s the matter? I thought you were enjoying this? Why are you getting so embarrassed?”
I just thought to myself…
> “What?”
The man I love is taking such good care of me.
>Kiku’s words make my heart skip a beat. I lie down next to her and give her a kiss on the cheek. “That means a lot to me, you know. “She giggles and then gets off the bed. She slides off her panties, making a slight show of it to further entice me. Not that she needs to. She sashays over to the lights, allowing me a glorious view of her ass as she moves.
> “What are you doing?” I ask.
>She turns off the lights.
I thought I would try something.
>I feel her warm, soft body press next to mine as she gives me another kiss.
“And what’s that?”
>She leans in close to me, her breasts pressing against me as she speaks.
**Missionary, in the dark, while under the covers and holding hands. **
>I balk at her comment for a moment, my mind racing as my dick becomes hard as a diamond.
What is the matter?
> “Nothing, I just didn’t know my lover was such a degenerate.” I say with a laugh.
>Kiku giggles as she crawls under the covers. I follow her, positioning myself over her as she makes Would you make love to me?
>She was so timid; a stark contrast to her boldness earlier.
> “Of course. “I tell Kiku as I align my cock over her grey slit.
>Kiku lets out a ragged moan and I clench my teeth as I push into her. She’s just as tight as before. God, I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to a Mu-onna’s insides. I can feel her gasp again as she tightens herself around my cock.
I want to make you to experience as much pleasure as possible.
>I rub my nose against her face in an imitation of an Eskimo kiss. I feel warmth spread into my heart from Kiku. I must be making her happy. Now it’s time to focus on the task at hands. Her folds wrap around my cock, tightening as I slowly push into her. Her insides are so warm. I grunt as I reach the edge of her cervix. Kiku wraps her fingers in mine and looks up at me.
Would you mind going slow for a little bit?
>I nod my head. “Whatever you want, Dear.”
>I can feel Kiku tittering in my head. “What’s so funny?” I ask.
Nothing! I am just unused to hearing you refer to me as “Dear”.
> “I just wanted to try it out, see how it felt.” I explain.
>I feel Kiku’s legs lock around my back, her full thighs pressing against me.
Please don’t stop…. Dear.
>My heart jumps. I want to ravage her insides, my male instincts telling me to claim Kiku as my mate. But I want to put her feelings and pleasure first. That’s what a responsible lover would do after all. So, I decide to slowly pump my hips into her. I note the pleasure she experiences as I crest into her again and again, my cock lubricated by her arousal. I try my best to go slow, allowing her to savor every inch of me as I slide into her. I lean in and give her a kiss. It’s so strange, kissing a faceless woman. But that doesn’t matter to me. Kiku isn’t a Mu-onna to me. She’s just Kiku. And I love every moment of being with her.
>Kiku tightens her grip on my hands. I think she might be getting close.
John! John! Right there!
>She squeezes my hands as I begin to rock harder and harder into her, striking her weak spot as she continues to make little mewling noises. I feel something shift.  It’s the same feeling I got when I last made love to Kiku. That connection. I can feel what’s she’s feeling. And some of her thoughts rush into me.
I cannot believe I am this lucky.
I do not understand what he sees in me.
Is he feeling good right now? I hope I am doing a good job.
>All her little thoughts and worries trickle into me. But beyond all her insecurities, I feel something else. It’s the love at the center of it all. It envelops me like a blanket, cleansing my exhaustion and making me feel whole. Kiku begins to buck her hips into me.
John, I’m about to…
> “I know. I can feel it.”
And you are close as well.
> “Good, so we can cum together.”
I want it all-
“I know. You don’t have to say anything else.”
I love you, John.
> “I love you too, Kiku.”
>I give one her one last might thrust, striking her in the deepest part of her insides as we both let out a cry of ecstasy. I clench my teeth as I release into her, sending my seed deep into her body. She tightens her grip on my hands, pulling me onto her chest as I continue to weakly pump into her.
>After I pull out of her, we both lie there for a couple minutes panting in our mutual afterglow. I grab a box of tissue and clean Kiku off as she continues to lie next to me in a slight daze.
> “You okay?”
I have never felt anything that intense before.
I slide in next to her and spoon her, my hands gripping her large breasts as I place my head in the nape of her neck. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
>Something made me fidget uncomfortably as I lay next to Kiku. “I know this is going to sound childish…but you’ll still be here when I wake up right?”
What do you mean?
> “I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid. Like this is all too good to be true.”
I promise you John, I’ll still be here when you wake up.
> “Good.” I give her a kiss on the small of her neck and close my eyes. That night, I had the best sleep I’ve ever had in my entire life. No tossing or turning or nightmares. Just gentle bliss as I cling on to the woman I love.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two years later…

>I shiver as Kiku and I trek through the old, frozen woods. We’re back in Japan. It’s been the first time Kiku’s been back in her home country in seven years. Fumina had been kind enough to help us with plane tickets, though Kiku had insisted on paying for everything herself. We’d been doing well lately. I had a nice cozy job as the manager of a Chemical Analyst Lab, and Kiku started up her own seamstress business. Life was good.
>But, Kiku had been feeling guilty lately. She’d been missing out in her responsibilities in Japan. So we came into the country of her birth to take care of some things and reminisce. She’d dragged me all over the place, making me try food she used to enjoy and going to a couple of museums. But today was a much more somber day. Both of us carried a small bouquet of flowers, white chrysanthemums in fact. Kiku-no-Hana. Kiku’s voice brought me out of my thoughts.
It is not much farther.
>I nod my head in acknowledgment. “Are you doing okay? I’m just a little worried about-“
The baby is fine.
>Kiku rubs a hand over her gravid tummy. She’s 5 months pregnant. We were worried for a long time a Mu-Onna wouldn’t be able to get pregnant, but all the same here she was, our little miracle tucked away in her womb.
Ah, there it is!
>I hadn’t ever seen the guardian spirit’s sapling in person. It was majestic, even with its leaves gone; it towered above the other trees. I could see some ornamental wreathes wrapped around it. It must have been enshrined by some of the locals.
>Kiku kneels at the foot of the tree, digging through the snow for a bit. I move to help her, but she motions me away. I give her an impatient sigh and stand there awkwardly holding the flowers before she finishes.
They are still here.
>“Really?” I walk over to her side and note the three headstones at the base of the tree. Kazuma and Shiro’s headstones. I bend down next to her and touch Kiku’s own head stone. I jump back as the stone begins to crumble under my touch, as though it was aged a hundred years by my touch.
>“It’s gone…” I say quietly.
I should never have made it in the first place. I was always among the living; it was foolish to mark myself as part of the dead.
>I lean down next to her and we both spend a couple minutes cleaning Kazuma and Shiro’s headstones. After we are finished, I place the flowers next to the graves and give the departed a little bow.
>“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you in the flesh. Kiku is very special to me. I promise you both I’ll watch over her for the rest of my days.”
>Kiku walks next to me and places her hand in mine. She looks at the tombstones and begins to speak.
Kazuma. Shiro. I wanted to let you know I am starting a new family. I have found a wonderful man and a new life with lots of friends. But I have not forgotten either of you. I will never forget you Kazuma, the first man I ever loved. Or you Shiro, my first child. I hope you are both at peace.
>Kiku looks up at me after she’s finished with her speech.
I think we can go now. Thank you for coming with me.
>“Of course.” I say softly.
>She nods before wrapping her arm around me. We begin to walk away, our backs turned to the old tree. A sudden gust of wind almost knocks both of us to the ground. When stand back up, I notice something. All the ice has melted off of the tree, and it has sprouted hundreds of tiny flowers. Kiku and I look in awe at the guardian spirit’s tree, our tiny offering of chrysanthemum multipled into dozens of flowers around the base of the tree.It must be the work of the guardian spirit.
>Kiku walks near the tree timidly at first, before bowing.
Thank you, I did not understand what you were trying to show me when we first met. But now, I’ve realized what I did was wrong. Even if it was painful, thank you for giving me a second chance.
>The tree seems to bow slightly in acknowledgment of her words. Or maybe it was just the wind. I’m probably just being too sentimental.
>Kiku and I don’t say anything on the rest of our trek back to civilization. When we finally get to our hotel room, Kiku throws off her winter clothes and sighs as she sits on the bed. I slide off my jacket and sit next to her, my hand drifting over her belly as I spoon her.
I decide to break the silence.“ I think what we saw was a miracle, wasn’t it?”
Indeed. I think you are correct.
“So what do we do now?”
We rest.
>Kiku presses my hand into her belly. I smile as I feel the heartbeat of our child.
Thank you for giving me a second chance at life, John.
>”You did the same for me, Kiku.”
But you never gave up on me. You were always so patient and…
>I interrupt Kiku with a kiss on the back of the neck.
>”Don’t put yourself down; you helped me a lot too.”
>I feel the cold steel of her wedding band as I touch her hand.
>”I love you, you know.”
I love you too, John.
>We don’t say anything else. Both of us soon doze off, my hands still wrapped around Kiku’s stomach.
>Sometimes we still think about our lost loved ones and muse over how life would be different if they were still with us. But at the end of the day it isn’t that bad. Because we have each other and that’s all that matters.

END.