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- Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
- After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
- which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
- Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a
- P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
- By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
- P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
- S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
- *
- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
- S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
- *
- P: Something loose in cockpit
- S: Something tightened in cockpit
- *
- P: Dead bugs on windshield.
- S: Live bugs on back-order.
- *
- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
- S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
- *
- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
- S: Evidence removed.
- *
- P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
- S: DME volume set to more believable level.
- *
- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
- S: That's what friction locks are for.
- *
- P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
- S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
- *
- P: Suspected crack in windshield.
- S: Suspect you're right.
- *
- P: Number 3 engine missing.
- S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
- *
- P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
- S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
- *
- P: Target radar hums.
- S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
- *
- P: Mouse in cockpit.
- S: Cat installed.
- *
- And the best one for last
- *
- P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
- S: Took hammer away from midget.
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