The Sex Trip (2017)

1
00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:24,941
When I was ten,
my family moved to America.

2
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:28,694
Shortly thereafter, I learned
a valuable lesson about love.

3
00:00:30,154 --> 00:00:31,155
Hey, new kid.

4
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,741
You wanna play a card
came called 52 pickup?

5
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Pick it up,

6
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,205
dick for brains!

7
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,301
She was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen.

8
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,680
I fell instantly
and madly in love.

9
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♪ Take a look ♪

10
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♪ At me ♪

11
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Then she broke my heart.

12
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I vowed never to
let love hurt me again.

13
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Today

14
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I'm a master of love.

15
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,324
Your book '52 Pickup'

16
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is basically a how-to
guide for men to pick up women,

17
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- is it not?
- It is, yeah.

18
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,125
And you claim that your book

19
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,794
will help men pick
up a different woman

20
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,880
every week, for a year?

21
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,174
Yeah, it's really that simple.

22
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All they have to do is follow

23
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my three simple
rules of engagement.

24
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That is, trigger her interest

25
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play indifferent

26
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,682
and then go for the kill.

27
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,603
Are you aware how
degrading that is to women?

28
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,521
I mean, some
could say it reduces us

29
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to mere objects who could
be easily tricked into bed?

30
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I mean, how would you
respond to such allegations?

31
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How do I respond?

32
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Guilty as charged.

33
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♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪

34
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♪ It goes all night long ♪

35
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♪ Clang, clang, clang ♪

36
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♪ Do that siren song ♪

37
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♪ Are you feeling nervous? ♪

38
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♪ She doesn't feel that way ♪

39
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Oh, what the hell is that?

40
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What is this stuff!

41
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- Hey, what's up, Ruben?
- Hey, what's... whoa.

42
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- Take it easy, brother.
- Sorry, dude, we just met here.

43
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All right.

44
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Don't get chopped off.
You're early, aren't you?

45
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You got it, bro.

46
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Thank you. How's it going? Good?

47
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Very well.

48
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There you go. Good luck.

49
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Good.

50
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And enjoy it.

51
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Next in line.

52
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So good to meet you.

53
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,464
Well, thank you for coming.

54
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Dude, you've changed my life.

55
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That's the whole point.

56
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I used to live in
my parents' basement

57
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and only thing I'd score

58
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was my Xbox.

59
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But now...

60
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I'm scoring with ladies.

61
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That's great. Go get them.

62
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Next.

63
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Holy shit.

64
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- Hi.
- Hi.

65
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I can't believe it's really you.

66
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,574
It's really me.

67
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I owe you so much.

68
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,287
Your book, has
helped me overcome this.

69
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,706
Tiny penis?

70
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,749
What?

71
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,917
No!

72
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,003
I'm talking about
my lack of style.

73
00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:16,339
That's... I meant
your tiny lack of style.

74
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,942
- Yes.
- I don't know why I said penis.

75
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,967
That's exactly,
I don't know why I said penis.

76
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,636
- You're an asshole.
- I'm sorry.

77
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,388
I'm... I'm sure
you're packing. I didn't...

78
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,765
Baby's arm holding an apple.

79
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Yeah.

80
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- What are you doing?
- I don't know. It just came out.

81
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Hi.

82
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,443
What a collection
of losers today, huh?

83
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- Worse than usual.
- Yeah.

84
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OK. Those 'losers'

85
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are the reason you live
in a million dollar house

86
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and wear custom-made suits.

87
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Hey, it's OK,
I still love them, though.

88
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,495
Hence the term, 'lovable loser'.

89
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,080
Yeah. And hey,
hey, you know what?

90
00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,165
You should show the man
a little more respect here.

91
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,709
OK? He's making your company a
lot of green and you know what?

92
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We haven't signed the contract
for that third book yet. So...

93
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,296
- Don't touch me...
- OK.

94
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,339
It's OK, Steve.

95
00:04:58,422 --> 00:05:00,299
Polly here has a
right to her opinion.

96
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,425
OK, it's Molly.

97
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,303
But Steve is right.

98
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,430
I was out of line.
It won't happen again.

99
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It's all good, babe.

100
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It's all good, Molly.

101
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We sold over a hundred copies.

102
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That's great, Nana.

103
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,107
Yeah, those losers
really eat this shit up. Ha!

104
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,859
What?

105
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,027
Here. I wrote my number in it.

106
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,197
You want to get with a
real woman, give me a call.

107
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:28,160
What the...

108
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,538
Don't even think about it.

109
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,878
Hey, hey, listen.
I almost forgot.

110
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They asked me if
you want to participate

111
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,131
in this charity fashion show.

112
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- Really?
- Yeah.

113
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- How much would it pay?
- Nada. It's for charity.

114
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,219
But all the models
are gonna be celebs.

115
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,762
- Oh, interesting.
- Yeah. Yeah.

116
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It's gonna be
some big names there.

117
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You know what?

118
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,030
Might allow me to
broaden my fishing pond.

119
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,061
And you've got
quite the pole, huh?

120
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,480
- Dude.
- I know.

121
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,899
- That was...
- I know.

122
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.

123
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,105
- We won't...
- Don't worry.

124
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,028
I regretted the second
it came out of my mouth.

125
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,071
Oh.

126
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,406
Hey! Wait a minute.

127
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,326
Hey, don't forget about
this release party tonight!

128
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,744
- Huh?
- I said don't forget...

129
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996
You're an asshole.

130
00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:13,080
Asshole!

131
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:14,498
You hear that?

132
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,126
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, get out of here.

133
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,794
Fancy car piece of shit.

134
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,895
Take care of it, buddy.

135
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,209
- Edison Greenleaf.
- Jesus.

136
00:06:58,876 --> 00:06:59,877
Whoa.

137
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,128
What?

138
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,922
Hello.

139
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello.

140
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,717
Do I know...
How do you know my name?

141
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,427
Does it really matter?

142
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,224
Of... I'm a fool.
Of course, from the jackets of my book. OK.

143
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,768
- You want an autograph?
- Look, Eddie...

144
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,021
I'm here to ask you something.

145
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,483
Yeah... you see,
I don't really carry cash.

146
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,402
I don't want your money.

147
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,778
Then what do you want?

148
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,739
You don't really
respect women, do you?

149
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm sorry, what?

150
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,536
I... did Steve Burns put
you up to this? Where is he?

151
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,329
Women are nothing but notches...

152
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,957
- on your bedpost!
- Yeah, my bedpost.

153
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,002
In fact, I don't even
have bedposts on my bed, so...

154
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,297
That's a metaphor, Eddie.

155
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,132
A metaphor...

156
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,092
Oh, I get...

157
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,802
I'm being punked, aren't I?

158
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:50,845
This is brilliant!

159
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,532
Where? Where are they? All right,
you can come out now. Where's the film crew?

160
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,766
There's no film crew, Eddie!

161
00:07:56,809 --> 00:08:00,271
All right. You know, I'm tired
of this. No more games, OK?

162
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,273
Then give me what I'm here for.

163
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,025
And what are you here for?

164
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,359
Kiss me.

165
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,069
Jeez, I don't think
that's gonna happen.

166
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,364
Prove to me that you can
see the beauty in all women.

167
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,033
The beauty beneath the surface.

168
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,910
- Kiss me!
- All right.

169
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953
No offense,
you crazy old bat, but

170
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,997
I'd rather my dick
dropped off, all right?

171
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,000
- What a...
- Suit yourself.

172
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313
Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen.

173
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,898
- I, uhh...
- Too close.

174
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
OK.

175
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,652
You're doing that thing kids
do when they like each other...

176
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,694
No.

177
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029
Well, OK, then.

178
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,197
How about we talk business.

179
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,383
Maybe a few strawberry daiquiris,
discuss that third contract.

180
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,407
What do you say?

181
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,409
Oh, god.

182
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,960
And then, two of my eight cats,
they got in this really big fight.

183
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,395
- All right.
- It was just horrible.

184
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,338
I ended up having to
take Mr. Muggles to the vet

185
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,465
and then we had to put
him down. Sorry, I can't talk.

186
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,967
All right, I'm
really happy for you.

187
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,975
I thought super-models were
required to be anorexic, but

188
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,269
you look just so
goddamn healthy.

189
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,937
Wait.

190
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,730
Are you saying that I look fat?

191
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,440
No, no, that's
not what I'm saying.

192
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,276
I'm saying you
look really healthy.

193
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,944
Oh my god.

194
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,864
I shouldn't have eaten
this puffy cheese thing.

195
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,199
Don't be so hard on yourself,
you know. You're only human.

196
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,492
Humans are flawed.

197
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,370
Wait, are you
saying I have flaws?

198
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,746
No, I'm saying that

199
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,290
I think you're gorgeous.

200
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,750
Just don't worry about what
anybody else thinks about you.

201
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,961
Wait. You say people
are talking about me?

202
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,505
Well, you know what
these bitches are like.

203
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,098
We should think about,
getting out of here soon.

204
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,683
It's getting a little, umm...

205
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,351
a little toxic, I think.

206
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644
Tell me about it.

207
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,062
- Uhh.
- Umm.

208
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Uhh?

209
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,356
Hey, umm...

210
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,400
would you like to
come back to my place?

211
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,110
It's like five minutes away.

212
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,404
Really, uhh...

213
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:14,822
Oh...

214
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,782
Early start in
the morning, uhh...

215
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,284
Oh, please?

216
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,203
Well...

217
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,580
I promise to make
it worth your while.

218
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,626
Well, if you insist.

219
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,546
Let's get out of here quick.

220
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,598
No. On the bed.

221
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,861
What the fuck?

222
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,367
Oh my god.

223
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,577
Can't be.

224
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,583
I must be dreaming.

225
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,898
Where are you going?

226
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,617
Come on, come on.

227
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,046
Hello?

228
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,380
Steve!

229
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,216
You need to get to
my place right away.

230
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509
Who is this?

231
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,552
It's Eddie, dumb-ass.

232
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,930
Really? Who is this?

233
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,264
Umm...

234
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,683
you just need to get to Eddie's
place as soon as you can.

235
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,768
Why?

236
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,353
Uhh...

237
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,272
because he wants you
to join us in a threesome.

238
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,982
Really?

239
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,735
He's never asked me that before.

240
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,320
Are you in or what?

241
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,364
I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!

242
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,490
I'm in.

243
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,449
About time.

244
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665
What?

245
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,835
Wow.

246
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,086
Huh, look at you.

247
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,504
Well.

248
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840
Your stud service has arrived.

249
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,466
Huh?

250
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,593
I studied Goju Kai karate.

251
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,635
Ha!

252
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:05,720
Kai,

253
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,054
by the way.

254
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,973
Yeah. Uhh...

255
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,474
So, where is he?

256
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,642
Where's Eddie?

257
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,186
Funny thing about that.

258
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:14,979
Eddie?

259
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,647
You back here?

260
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,649
So where's he?

261
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,026
It's me, Steve. Eddie.

262
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,153
OK.

263
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,487
Yeah?

264
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,614
Eddie?

265
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,656
You back here?

266
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,326
Uhh, he's standing
right in front of you.

267
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,952
OK. I get it.

268
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,204
You're hot.

269
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,539
I don't know
what's going on here, but

270
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,541
but if you don't
tell me where Eddie is

271
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,876
I'm gonna have to call the cops.

272
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377
OK, listen to me, Steve.

273
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,421
I really don't
know what happened.

274
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,965
Last night I fell
asleep and when I woke up

275
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,300
I was this.

276
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,344
Have it your way.

277
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:49,514
Beth McDonald.

278
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851
What was that?

279
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,478
Your crush in middle school.

280
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,688
Beth McDonald,
the one that got away.

281
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,857
OK. Eddie's the
only one who knows that.

282
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:00,942
See?

283
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,236
All that proves is
that he told you about her.

284
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,279
OK, how about Jessica Levine?

285
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,074
You lost your virginity
to her in tenth grade

286
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,867
and cried like a little baby.

287
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,953
That's cause she bit my dick!

288
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,748
Wait. OK,
what's go... Did... did...

289
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,875
Did he tell you
my whole life story?

290
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,544
Steve. It's me.

291
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:22,338
Eddie. Stuck
inside a chick's body.

292
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,590
Come on.

293
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,052
OK.

294
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,179
Fine. If you're
Eddie, tell me this

295
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,306
Two years ago,
we took a trip to Vegas.

296
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600
We got really drunk
with some strippers

297
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,978
and they dared us to do
something really disgusting.

298
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354
The next day we swore...

299
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,357
we swore we would
never talk about it again.

300
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,526
- Really?
- Yeah.

301
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,861
Really, Steve?

302
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,405
You're gonna make
me say this out loud?

303
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,489
Hey.

304
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,699
If you're Eddie...

305
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,993
well, you'd know all about it.

306
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,497
OK, we gave
each other hand jobs.

307
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082
Uhh...

308
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,625
excuse me, what was that?

309
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,838
We gave each other hand jobs.

310
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,006
Are you happy?

311
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048
What?

312
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,258
Eddie?

313
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,802
I just puked in my mouth.

314
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,721
Wait a minute.

315
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,930
Wait a minute. Eddie.

316
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,891
This is impossible.
I mean, how...

317
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,560
How did this happen?

318
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,228
I don't know.

319
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,689
Like I said, I fell
asleep at Alexa's last night

320
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,107
after banging her up and down

321
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,400
and when I woke up

322
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,735
I was a chick.

323
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,533
Well...

324
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,410
at least you're hot.

325
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:35,828
Shut the fuck up.

326
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,455
Wait.

327
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,790
- You think I'm hot?
- Oh yeah, I do.

328
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,043
So you would have
sex with me, knowing it's me,

329
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085
Eddie,

330
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,253
inside this body?

331
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,756
Hey, after Vegas,
what have I got to lose?

332
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,050
- Good point.
- Right?

333
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,260
So, if you don't mind, can I...

334
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,387
- See the whole package, maybe?
- What?

335
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889
You know, minus the clothes.

336
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,807
Dude, I am not taking
my clothes off for you.

337
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,184
OK, fine. Be that way.

338
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,352
I have to say

339
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,145
my breasts are really perky.

340
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,401
Steve!

341
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,283
Steve!

342
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,578
I'm a First Dan.

343
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,205
OK.

344
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,624
I said, we need to
figure out what happened to me.

345
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,707
OK.

346
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,669
Jesus.

347
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:30,967
OK.

348
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,343
Let's figure this out.

349
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,887
Let's think about
the last 24 hours, yeah?

350
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,931
- You had the book signing.
- Yeah.

351
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,933
You had the release party.

352
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518
You had sex with a super-model.

353
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,561
Nothing unusual.

354
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,645
OK, then.

355
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,896
- Wait.
- What?

356
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,773
The homeless woman.

357
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,191
You had sex
with a homeless woman?

358
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526
No, dumb-ass.

359
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,237
I was outside the
building before the party.

360
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,030
And this homeless
woman came up to me.

361
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,574
She knew my name, said...

362
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,158
said, I don't respect women,

363
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,786
didn't see their inner
beauty, some shit like that.

364
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,913
Then, she asked me to kiss her.

365
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,164
Wow, how was that?

366
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,626
That's the thing.
I mean, I blew her off.

367
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,295
She was fucking hideous.

368
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,632
I would've fucked her.

369
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,510
Twice.

370
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,555
She must have put a spell on me.

371
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,223
That's the only
thing that makes sense.

372
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,308
OK.

373
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,475
OK. So...

374
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,020
we are looking
for a homeless woman

375
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,688
with magical powers.

376
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,274
I mean...
I don't know. I guess so.

377
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,817
Maybe she was a witch.

378
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,694
- A witch?
- Did she have a broom?

379
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,154
- No.
- OK.

380
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,572
But...

381
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,908
she did have a
really big walking stick.

382
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:37,992
Her magic wand!

383
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,161
Kind of magic wand, yeah.

384
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,245
Right. Well...

385
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,290
with all these magical powers,
why was she still so ugly?

386
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,893
- What?
- I mean, the first thing you do

387
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,084
is make yourself hot, right?

388
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,586
What's that got
to do with anything?

389
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,087
Ah. Wait a minute. No!

390
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,297
Because if she was hot

391
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,090
it would have been
easy for you to kiss her.

392
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,383
My god, this lady is slick.

393
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,677
Gotta tell you, if she was
here, I'd give her some props.

394
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,762
You're an idi...

395
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,890
- That's it.
- What?

396
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,767
We have to find her.

397
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,435
I mean, if she
turned me into a chick

398
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229
then she can turn me back again.

399
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,438
Wait a minute. Listen to me.

400
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,233
You know how hard it's gonna be to
find a homeless woman in this city?

401
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,076
Like trying to find
a virgin in a whorehouse.

402
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,402
OK, listen to me, Steve.

403
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,570
We either find her

404
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,073
or I'm stuck as a chick
for I don't know how long.

405
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,157
Maybe forever.

406
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,409
Doesn't worry me,
because you're kind of hot.

407
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,494
Dude!

408
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,620
Me and you

409
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,913
not gonna happen.

410
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,000
Not until I slip
you a few mickeys.

411
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,670
I still say, if
she had magic powers

412
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,171
she'd use them
not to be homeless.

413
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,383
Or, maybe searching for her in
homeless shelters is part of the test.

414
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,051
Yeah, but not the fun part.

415
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,811
Can I help you?

416
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105
Yeah, hi, we're trying
to find a homeless woman.

417
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,773
This is a homeless shelter.

418
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,024
We have about 40 of them.

419
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,234
She's really old.

420
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:54,861
There's about 30 of them.

421
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,070
She's really ugly.

422
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,073
Look, this is really important.

423
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,950
You see...

424
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,536
I think she took
something of mine.

425
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,580
So let me get this straight.

426
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,207
Some poor old homeless woman

427
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,459
who's probably
struggling to survive

428
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,003
took something from you.

429
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,255
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

430
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,132
So what do you want me to do?

431
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,676
I make our clients
line up so you can pick her out?

432
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,219
Oh my god,
that would be so great.

433
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,304
- Yeah.
- Thank you.

434
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,183
Have you ever
heard of sarcasm, skippy?

435
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,729
That shit ain't happening.

436
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,647
Well, can we
at least have a look around?

437
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,608
No, you can't be
looking around in here.

438
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,318
OK, what do you expect us to do?

439
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,861
What I expect you to do

440
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696
is to take your skinny

441
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,948
sorry asses and
get up outta here before I...

442
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,033
Tonya...

443
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,993
what's going on here?

444
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,998
These two claim that a
homeless woman stole from them.

445
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,417
And they want us
to line up our clients

446
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,461
like a bunch of criminals
so they can pick her out.

447
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338
Well, that's not exactly true.

448
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,548
Hi, I'm Jess White.

449
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,674
I'm the manager.

450
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,759
Hi, I'm Ed...

451
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,802
...na Greenleaf.

452
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,680
So why don't you tell
me what's going on here?

453
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,642
OK, the other night,
I ran into this homeless woman on the street.

454
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,060
She was really ugly.

455
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,811
Anyway,

456
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,022
I think she might have
taken something of mine.

457
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,065
I see.

458
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,316
Yep.

459
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,528
And, what would that be?
If you don't mind my asking.

460
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,241
- It was, uhh...
- Her identity.

461
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,285
She took your identity?

462
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,497
Oh, it's...
kind of hard to explain.

463
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,041
You... you mean your ID?

464
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,459
That's right. Her ID.

465
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,504
Oh, well, I guess I can
see why you'd want that back.

466
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,130
- Yeah, I know, right?
- So, umm...

467
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:39,465
can you describe her for me?

468
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,176
Yeah, umm, she's
about 80 years old, with this

469
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,346
wild, grey hair, and
this really big crooked nose.

470
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,722
Tell her about
the walking stick.

471
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,891
Oh yeah, she had this
massive wooden walking stick.

472
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,184
Yeah, like a magic wand.

473
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,187
- Like a magic wand?
- Uhuh.

474
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,106
What a plain Jane, huh?

475
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,909
Yeah, I know.
You should have asked her out.

476
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,359
What? She was a five at best.

477
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,111
Yeah, but
together you'd make a ten.

478
00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:01,279
You're an asshole.

479
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,156
Five shelters
and no sign of her.

480
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,926
Buddy, I've got
to tell you I'm starvin marvin,

481
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,118
you know what I'm saying?

482
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,078
This may be
harder than I thought.

483
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:13,291
Look, uhh...

484
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,252
maybe we should eat something.
Maybe get a little Thai food?

485
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,295
- Maybe, just a...
- What?

486
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,297
Some Thai food.
Man, I'm starving, come on.

487
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339
Sure. Whatever.

488
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,134
OK.

489
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,969
OK.

490
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,139
Look. Listen to me.

491
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,433
We will find
this homeless woman.

492
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,601
This witch.

493
00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:33,769
Whatever it is you think
she is, we will find her.

494
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,605
Yeah, but what
do I do until then?

495
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,939
I'm a chick, Steve.

496
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,154
Well, you know what?

497
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,406
- Embrace it.
- Embrace it?

498
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:46,574
Yes, Eddie.

499
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:47,950
Embrace it.

500
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,703
I mean, come on,
Eddie, think about it.

501
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,956
A chance for you to see what
it's like on the other side.

502
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,334
Right? Embrace that!

503
00:22:58,252 --> 00:22:59,253
And, hey...

504
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:03,674
it may be a good time to do a little
research for your third book.

505
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,511
Yeah.

506
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:07,720
- Hmm.
- There you go.

507
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:08,888
Yeah.

508
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,556
I'm starving. Going to eat.

509
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,156
Good morning.
How can I help you?

510
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,366
Hey, guys. Ma'am.

511
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,741
Umm, look.

512
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:31,827
We're here to get my
sister here some chick clothes.

513
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,539
He, she needs
a little of everything.

514
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:37,416
Fabulous.
You've come right place.

515
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:38,793
What is size?

516
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,086
Uhh, 32 regular.

517
00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,547
Ha, just kidding.

518
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:43,714
Umm...

519
00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:44,799
I'm a size...

520
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,926
- Two?
- Yeah, sure, two.

521
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,010
Great.

522
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,053
OK.

523
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,102
So, uhh...

524
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,646
you guys are from Russia, right?

525
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,314
Da, Moscow.

526
00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:02,358
Da. Cool.

527
00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:04,235
In winter

528
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,736
is so cold

529
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,572
we pray, global warming.

530
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:09,907
Hell, no.

531
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,409
Oh, something wrong?

532
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,203
Yeah, this is messed up.

533
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,454
Wrong size?

534
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,081
You tell me.

535
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,252
Holy shit.

536
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,962
Looks a good fit.

537
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:27,091
So it's supposed to feel like someone's
cutting you in half with a rusty butter knife?

538
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,217
Da, pretty much.

539
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,761
I mean, I have to admit...

540
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,848
I do like how this
displays the goods.

541
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,933
Perky, like pair of chipmunks.

542
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,562
Steve, what do you think?

543
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:40,897
Marry me.

544
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,356
Oh, shut the fuck up.

545
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,816
No, I'm serious. Marry me.

546
00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:45,735
Because you and I,
we make a great couple.

547
00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:47,458
What happens when I
go through the change?

548
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,280
I'm not giving you
any more hand jobs.

549
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:52,783
She's really not my sister.

550
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,285
Americans.

551
00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,496
No, no, no, she's actually
a little more like my brother.

552
00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:58,581
I'm sorry, Eddie.

553
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:01,584
But, you mind turning around and give
me a little bit of that rusty butter?

554
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,586
You're an idiot.

555
00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:05,296
OK.

556
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,182
♪ Oh my, oh my ♪

557
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,320
♪ You really got my attention ♪

558
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,450
♪ You made me stop
What I was doing ♪

559
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,580
♪ You made me
Look in your direction ♪

560
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:40,665
♪ Yeah ♪

561
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,293
Hey, Eddy.

562
00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,795
How're you doing, man?

563
00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,558
- Yeah, good to see you.
- Nice to see you.

564
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,007
Eddy, Ed... Edna. Edna, Eddy.

565
00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,468
Edna, my pleasure.
Ooh, firm handshake.

566
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:55,054
Buddy, she needs
the works. What do you think?

567
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:56,740
I mean, give her
the works and put your...

568
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,724
We don't need to do
much. We'll just do her hair.

569
00:25:58,766 --> 00:25:59,767
Right, right.

570
00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:02,061
I got an amazing
hair stylist, my wife.

571
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:03,145
- Your wife?
- Your wife?

572
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:06,399
She's the best. Yeah, she's amazing.
You will be more than happy.

573
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,526
That's wonderful, Eddy,
thank you. Thank you so much.

574
00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:09,610
Sweetie.

575
00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:11,946
Come on out, baby.
Someone to meet somebody.

576
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,323
You snapped.
You know what that means?

577
00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:15,783
- I know, I know.
- Excited.

578
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:16,868
Right?

579
00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,745
Edna, this is James.

580
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,247
Edna, James.

581
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,457
- The best.
- Welcome to our salon.

582
00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,585
- Only the best.
- Eddy James he starts, I finish.

583
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,794
Always a happy ending.

584
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,379
Well...

585
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:30,590
So are we doing
anything with him?

586
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:31,674
I'm fine.

587
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,218
- It's all about her.
- It's her today, baby.

588
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,054
- No, no, no.
- Don't.

589
00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:39,140
- Come on, not today.
- Don't even, start with it.

590
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:40,183
Me, not today?

591
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,643
You snap and look at him,
the way you just looked at him-

592
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:44,645
- No, it's really about her.
- Yeah.

593
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,023
Which is why
I'm having a co... ex...

594
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,566
- a conversation...
- I'm sorry.

595
00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:49,650
with my husband.

596
00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:50,693
You're flirting.

597
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,905
Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
You know you're the one for me.

598
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,575
- Anyways.
- I'm sorry.

599
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,076
Yes, that's what I need.

600
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,286
And enough of that.

601
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:02,009
Sweetheart, listen,
let's get you started.

602
00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,999
Don't worry about this.
That's between him and I.

603
00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,374
We'll take care
of you just fine.

604
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:08,169
You're in good hands,
magic hands. Come with me.

605
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:09,462
Do your magic.

606
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,546
You know I do.

607
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:12,715
So...

608
00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,759
when the husband snaps

609
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:17,553
I have magic to perform. So...

610
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,639
I am gonna give you a little...

611
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,015
Oh, gosh, I don't know.

612
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,183
You know what I'm gonna do?

613
00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:23,285
I'm gonna give you more waves

614
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,685
than a Hawaiian surf
competition,

615
00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:25,937
how does that sound?

616
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,108
- Steve!
- Yo?

617
00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,527
What do you think?

618
00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:35,988
That's hot. Hot.

619
00:27:36,447 --> 00:27:37,657
It is hot, Steve.

620
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,158
I mean, look at her

621
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:40,576
but then look at you.

622
00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:43,204
How about I do
you next, handsome?

623
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:44,705
OK, I'm good.

624
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,333
- Come on, Steve.
- Come on, Steve.

625
00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:48,793
Let James work his magic.

626
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:49,836
I'm good.

627
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:50,920
Steve...

628
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:52,547
I promise I won't hurt you.

629
00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:53,798
Ah!

630
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,383
Unless you want me to...

631
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,676
OK.

632
00:27:58,052 --> 00:27:59,095
Is it gonna hurt?

633
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,388
Oh, don't worry.

634
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,515
It's like giving
head to a babushka.

635
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:03,683
Hmm? OK.

636
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,226
One.

637
00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:06,519
Two.

638
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:07,435
Three!

639
00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,282
He... she deserves it.

640
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,216
OK.

641
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,178
Last time I'm
shopping with you, pal.

642
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:42,346
Here we go.

643
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,517
Look, I gotta get
back to the office.

644
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:47,602
But listen to me.

645
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,354
I'm meeting Molly
at the GC Marketplace.

646
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:53,191
We're gonna discuss the
contract of your third book, so

647
00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:55,401
if you care to
join us for a drink...

648
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,570
I'm not hitting on you.

649
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,530
- Right...
- Eddie, look, I get it.

650
00:28:59,572 --> 00:29:01,532
You're Eddie, you're
not Edna. I get that.

651
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:02,617
- Uhuh.
- I mean...

652
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,619
I must have lost my mind, I mean

653
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:05,870
you think about it.

654
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,122
The situation's
a little scary, right?

655
00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:10,791
- Yeah, you can say that again.
- OK, so...

656
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,211
we talked about
this. Embrace it.

657
00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:14,295
- Uhuh.
- Maybe

658
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,963
see what it's like
on the other side.

659
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,215
- OK, you're right.
- Cool.

660
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,299
And maybe...

661
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:20,864
wear the slinky black dress with
the high heels and the thong.

662
00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:36,085
Hello.

663
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:37,920
Hi.

664
00:30:38,713 --> 00:30:39,755
Are you new here?

665
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,675
Yeah, I'm all new.

666
00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,262
I've never seen you here before.

667
00:30:46,804 --> 00:30:48,806
Can you put some lotion on my
back, please?

668
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:49,891
OK.

669
00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:53,728
Rub me really good.

670
00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:18,586
- Problem with the machine?
- No, problem with these.

671
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:21,797
- Not used to running with them.
- You just get them done?

672
00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:25,426
- Yeah, you can say that.
- Well kudos to your doctor.

673
00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:27,512
- They look totally natural.
- You think so?

674
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:28,906
Yeah, yeah.
I mean that I’d have to feel

675
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,973
- them to know for sure.
- Excuse me?

676
00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:32,743
Yeah.
What do you say after work out,

677
00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:36,437
- we go back to my place, huh?
- Unbelievable.

678
00:31:37,438 --> 00:31:40,900
- Come on, babe.
- I have a penis!

679
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,628
Well, so,
I end my set.

680
00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,589
I walked off the stage and started
looking for this young lady.

681
00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:07,468
Well, she’s sitting at this bar,
just like you.

682
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,554
And then I walked up holding

683
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:13,349
this panties, and I say,
"I think this belong to you."

684
00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:18,521
And she says, "Actually,"
but starts laughing though,

685
00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:22,275
"Actually, they are gift
for my grandmother."

686
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,986
So after taking a look at
them, I realized...

687
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,572
- They are granny panties.
- Yeah, big ones.

688
00:32:29,907 --> 00:32:31,284
Well anyway, you’ve got
my number.

689
00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:33,786
Alright, so give me a call.
I’ll see you, gorgeous.

690
00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,082
Wait a minute, aren’t you
Frank Stallone?

691
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:39,166
Sure, kid.

692
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,253
- Who is that guy?
- Frank Stallone.

693
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,463
Right. I knew it.
He doesn’t remember me.

694
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,757
We had this night, I mean,
it was dark and he...

695
00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:50,720
he was... he... he...
I'll tell you about it some other time.

696
00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:52,030
Back to business, beautiful.
I just...

697
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,558
- Not gonna happen.
- As in not gonna happen?

698
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:58,895
- Ever.
- As in never?

699
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,814
Ever. Ever. Ever.

700
00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:05,234
- So I guess that’s a no.
- I would rather die.

701
00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:08,571
Okay.
Get to the point next time.

702
00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:29,884
- Holy shit!
- Hi, Molly Morrison.

703
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,220
- Edna Greenleaf.
- Greenleaf?

704
00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:35,973
- Yeah, I am Eddie’s sister.
- Oh!

705
00:33:36,974 --> 00:33:39,560
- Nice to meet you.
- Very nice to meet you.

706
00:33:39,644 --> 00:33:43,231
She is great, great, great.
What the fuck did you do?

707
00:33:44,398 --> 00:33:46,038
What happened sweetheart?
Just a little...

708
00:33:46,108 --> 00:33:47,503
I had a little bit trouble,
you know?

709
00:33:47,527 --> 00:33:50,238
- A little bit?
- Don’t wear makeup much?

710
00:33:50,738 --> 00:33:54,325
It’s my first time.
I mean, me and Eddie,

711
00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:57,036
- we are from Amish country.
- More like clownish country.

712
00:33:57,995 --> 00:34:00,331
- Again.
- Interesting.

713
00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:03,876
No. Hey, look.
What is interesting, ladies.

714
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,711
We don’t care about you.
Go this way.

715
00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,922
Okay, umm...
what are we doing?

716
00:34:10,174 --> 00:34:13,135
You ever heard of Van...
D... Gogh.

717
00:34:14,595 --> 00:34:16,472
He’s got no ears!
What do you know.

718
00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,559
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Hey dreamboat.

719
00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,187
NO, not you, shipwreck.
I was taking to...

720
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,786
- What took you guys so long?
- Rome wasn’t built a day.

721
00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:40,872
What the fuck does that have
to do with anything?

722
00:34:41,873 --> 00:34:45,459
Rome. I like that show.
I watch that show.

723
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,165
Drink?
Let me get the drink.

724
00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:56,053
Hey, isn’t that chick
from homeless shelter.

725
00:34:56,637 --> 00:34:59,765
- Jess something.
- Yeah. I think so.

726
00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,478
- I wonder why she is here alone.
- Who cares?

727
00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:07,899
- I think I am gonna go say hi.
- Wh... why?

728
00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:12,695
- To be polite.
- You? I mean, yeah.

729
00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,698
Go ahead.
And I am outta here, ok?

730
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,408
- Sounds good.
- Yeah, me too.

731
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,204
Wait a minute.
How would you like a ride?

732
00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,955
- I think I am going right...
- No.

733
00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:26,334
Okay. How about you give me a
ride home

734
00:35:26,417 --> 00:35:30,046
- because I don’t have a car.
- No.

735
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,343
You know,
I saw this article today.

736
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:38,387
- Hi.
- Hi.

737
00:35:38,846 --> 00:35:40,126
Do you mind
if I join you?

738
00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:42,659
- Do we know each other?
- Yeah, we met at

739
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:44,727
the homeless shelter.
I was looking for that

740
00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:47,813
- homeless woman took my ID.
- Oh, that’s right.

741
00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:52,652
- Your name was... Edna.
- Yeah, Edna.

742
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:55,738
- Sure, have a seat.
- Thanks.

743
00:35:56,948 --> 00:35:58,407
- It’s Jess, right?
- Yup.

744
00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:00,785
So you here alone?

745
00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:04,080
- No.
- Alright.

746
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:09,001
- You want some?
- I’m good, thanks.

747
00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:12,338
So did you ever find that
woman you were looking for?

748
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:15,508
- Not yet.
- You got...

749
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,428
- What?
- You got something here.

750
00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:24,267
- Thank you.
- There. All gone.

751
00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:31,457
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah. Sure.

752
00:36:32,441 --> 00:36:34,861
- Are you hitting on me?
- I am sorry.

753
00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:38,447
I mean, I am flattered and all.
But...

754
00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:41,284
- I am straight.
- Yeah, so am I.

755
00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:45,288
Oh. Oh my gosh.
I am so sorry.

756
00:36:45,663 --> 00:36:47,957
No, it’s fine.
Don’t worry about it.

757
00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:50,376
Well, in fact,
it’s been a while since...

758
00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,378
- since anyone hit on me.
- Really?

759
00:36:52,962 --> 00:36:54,338
It’s hard to believe.

760
00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:58,593
Ok. It’s all about confidence.

761
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,696
You have to believe you are
the most attractive,

762
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,098
- desirable person in the room.
- Yeah, that’s not me.

763
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:08,394
Okay, well, there’s always
liquid confidence.

764
00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,439
- Liquid confidence?
- Mhm.

765
00:37:13,691 --> 00:37:14,691
Thank you.

766
00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:34,879
Ok, Jess.
Do you see that guy

767
00:37:34,921 --> 00:37:35,922
over there at the bar?

768
00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,093
I want you to go over
and talk to him.

769
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:46,307
Nope.
No way.

770
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:47,934
Come on.
What is the worst that’s

771
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:48,976
gonna happen?

772
00:37:49,477 --> 00:37:53,856
I’ll try to flirt, and he'll
laugh so hard that he...

773
00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:57,276
he falls off his chair,
bangs his head,

774
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,445
and he is in coma.

775
00:38:00,988 --> 00:38:03,658
Wow, you’ve got quite
an imagination.

776
00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:07,537
- I'm just saying, I can’t.
- Come on, Jess.

777
00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:08,955
Come on.

778
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,337
You are a smart,
confident woman.

779
00:38:16,379 --> 00:38:19,382
That guy, he would be so lucky
to date you.

780
00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:23,511
I'm a smart, confident woman...

781
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,722
- Ok.
- Ok. Wait.

782
00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:29,100
Do you need those glasses?

783
00:38:30,601 --> 00:38:33,646
- Only to see.
- OK. That’s fine.

784
00:38:34,605 --> 00:38:36,148
- Okay.
- You look great.

785
00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:56,544
- Hi.
- Hey.

786
00:38:58,462 --> 00:38:59,547
Watching the game?

787
00:39:00,089 --> 00:39:01,757
Yeah, I am watching the game.

788
00:39:04,302 --> 00:39:06,137
- I’m Jess.
- Dylan.

789
00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:11,684
So, Dylan, you come here often?

790
00:39:13,060 --> 00:39:16,606
Look. I bet you are really
nice person,

791
00:39:16,898 --> 00:39:20,109
but I have girlfriend, and I’m
a little bit busy right now.

792
00:39:20,276 --> 00:39:23,696
- So I am sorry.
- I am really sorry.

793
00:39:25,198 --> 00:39:28,492
Friggin’ Dodgers.
Biggest payroll in baseball

794
00:39:28,534 --> 00:39:30,161
and they're playing like minor
leaguers.

795
00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:31,704
Tell me about it.
I know.

796
00:39:32,496 --> 00:39:33,976
I bet you can hit better
than Bradley.

797
00:39:34,665 --> 00:39:38,336
- And look better doing it.
- Dylan.

798
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,922
- Edna.
- Edna, can I buy you a drink?

799
00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,924
- Yeah, sure.
- What would you like to have?

800
00:39:44,634 --> 00:39:47,470
Dirty martini.
Extra dirty.

801
00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:53,518
Papa, can I get a dirty martini.
Extra dirty, please.

802
00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:56,312
So, Edna, how come I’ve never
seen you?

803
00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:59,899
- It’s me first time in here.
- I guess this is my lucky day.

804
00:40:00,316 --> 00:40:01,609
I guess it’s mine too.

805
00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:03,610
Thank you.

806
00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,740
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure. Shoot.

807
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,078
- Are you single?
- As matter of fact, I am.

808
00:40:12,703 --> 00:40:13,704
I see.

809
00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,169
- What the hell?
- Come on, Jess.

810
00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,463
We are going.
He is a right wanker anyway.

811
00:40:30,304 --> 00:40:32,849
- That was awesome.
- It really was.

812
00:40:33,057 --> 00:40:34,433
You shot that guy down.

813
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,478
Down to the ground.

814
00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:41,440
- You just snorted.
- Oh, I am sorry.

815
00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:43,484
Come on.
It’s really cute.

816
00:40:43,693 --> 00:40:47,405
- Why are hot guys like that?
- What do you mean?

817
00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:51,367
- You know like... ow!
- I am sorry, Jess.

818
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:55,121
- Like superficial dirt bags.
- I know, right.

819
00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:59,876
- Why do you think that is?
- I... I don’t know.

820
00:41:00,209 --> 00:41:02,461
- I mean, men right?
- Men.

821
00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,923
Do you want me to give you
a ride back to mine?

822
00:41:08,384 --> 00:41:09,468
Jess, are you ok?

823
00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:12,847
You all right?

824
00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:20,021
Look. It’s cheese fries.

825
00:41:20,396 --> 00:41:21,981
I mean, are you all right?

826
00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,376
I’m going to take you back
to mine.

827
00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:13,074
Welcome to adult warehouse.

828
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,201
The paradise
for sexually-active adults.

829
00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:18,663
Um, hi.
I was kinda, you know,

830
00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,849
wandering outside, and thought
I’d come in have a look.

831
00:42:20,873 --> 00:42:22,226
Don’t worry,
nothing in here bites.

832
00:42:22,250 --> 00:42:25,253
- Unless you want it to.
- Good one.

833
00:42:25,545 --> 00:42:27,481
- Do you have any questions?
- We are here to serve you.

834
00:42:27,505 --> 00:42:29,715
Yeah.
You guys have anything

835
00:42:29,757 --> 00:42:31,759
you recommend if you wanna,
you know.

836
00:42:31,884 --> 00:42:35,680
- Get your Amelia Earhart on?
- I’m sorry?

837
00:42:36,097 --> 00:42:38,933
She means fly solo.
Yeah, yeah, that.

838
00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:40,768
- Wonderful.
- Right this way.

839
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:50,278
This is where you’ll find your
beaver buzzers,

840
00:42:50,319 --> 00:42:52,572
magic wands, pussy plungers,
hamburger helpers

841
00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:53,781
and wacky wobblers.

842
00:42:54,115 --> 00:42:56,325
Personally, I like
the butterfly.

843
00:42:56,701 --> 00:42:58,202
It really makes me squirt!

844
00:42:58,244 --> 00:42:59,954
And I like the butterfly too.

845
00:43:00,037 --> 00:43:01,873
You can even get
one with a butt plug.

846
00:43:01,956 --> 00:43:04,184
It makes you wonder why you put
up with guys and all their games.

847
00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:05,209
It really does.

848
00:43:07,962 --> 00:43:08,963
Hey!

849
00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:12,216
That blow-up doll is
for display purposes only!

850
00:43:12,341 --> 00:43:14,135
Yeah, we're talking to you, pal!

851
00:43:16,929 --> 00:43:18,764
School principals.

852
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,226
Well... have fun.

853
00:43:22,393 --> 00:43:24,020
Find us if you have
any more questions.

854
00:43:28,191 --> 00:43:29,442
Holy shit!

855
00:43:47,335 --> 00:43:48,836
Need some help?

856
00:43:49,045 --> 00:43:50,046
Yeah, thanks.

857
00:43:52,590 --> 00:43:53,591
Never been here before.

858
00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:56,344
Well, I think
they have a, a policy.

859
00:43:56,427 --> 00:43:58,221
You knock it to
the floor, you bought it.

860
00:43:58,429 --> 00:44:00,115
Well, I guess I'll have
to throw a party, then.

861
00:44:00,139 --> 00:44:01,307
I'm Matt.

862
00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:03,726
- Edna.
- I'm here to...

863
00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:05,561
find a gag gift for my...

864
00:44:06,062 --> 00:44:07,313
my buddy's bachelor party.

865
00:44:07,605 --> 00:44:09,106
Wow, if you're
looking to gag someone

866
00:44:09,232 --> 00:44:10,512
I think this might do the trick.

867
00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:11,817
Wow.

868
00:44:11,859 --> 00:44:13,170
Think they
modeled that on someone?

869
00:44:13,194 --> 00:44:14,820
Yeah. Sea Biscuit.

870
00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:19,283
A girl who knows her horses.

871
00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:20,785
That's really unusual.

872
00:44:20,868 --> 00:44:21,869
Yeah.

873
00:44:22,203 --> 00:44:23,871
- I'm pretty unusual.
- Really?

874
00:44:24,956 --> 00:44:27,583
OK, I... I know this might
seem forward and all, but...

875
00:44:27,959 --> 00:44:30,599
what would you think about meeting
me for a cup of coffee some time?

876
00:44:31,587 --> 00:44:33,506
Now, you don't
have to decide right now.

877
00:44:34,257 --> 00:44:35,257
Here's my card.

878
00:44:35,758 --> 00:44:36,759
You get thirsty,

879
00:44:36,843 --> 00:44:37,843
you give me a call.

880
00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:38,886
All right.

881
00:44:40,096 --> 00:44:42,181
And, it doesn't have
to be coffee. It could be tea.

882
00:44:43,432 --> 00:44:44,809
Whatever you like. It's on me.

883
00:44:50,231 --> 00:44:51,983
I think I'm gonna
fix him up with Jess.

884
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:53,401
Uhuh.

885
00:44:54,485 --> 00:44:56,153
- An investment banker.
- Uhuh.

886
00:44:56,195 --> 00:44:58,114
- Not bad.
- He's pretty good looking, too.

887
00:44:59,323 --> 00:45:00,950
OK. Is that
Eddie or Edna talking?

888
00:45:01,033 --> 00:45:02,410
- Umm...
- I'm just saying.

889
00:45:04,370 --> 00:45:05,746
So, uhh... wow.

890
00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:07,707
Where'd you meet him?

891
00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:09,959
Where?

892
00:45:10,376 --> 00:45:12,253
Yeah, where?
What is it, a secret?

893
00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:13,546
Nope.

894
00:45:15,464 --> 00:45:16,465
So where'd you meet him?

895
00:45:20,052 --> 00:45:21,387
Adult Warehouse.

896
00:45:21,596 --> 00:45:24,307
I mean, I had to get out of here
before I wore out my nipples.

897
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:26,108
Oh, really? Yeah,
I get that. The question is

898
00:45:26,350 --> 00:45:27,685
did you buy anything...

899
00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:30,021
What?

900
00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:31,606
- I mean...
- Eddie!

901
00:45:32,148 --> 00:45:33,983
I mean, really?
I said embrace it, but...

902
00:45:34,483 --> 00:45:36,152
- I just...
- This, this will kill you.

903
00:45:36,736 --> 00:45:39,030
I thought it might be useful
for my third book, you know?

904
00:45:39,322 --> 00:45:41,032
Third book?
Third and final book.

905
00:45:41,073 --> 00:45:42,473
What are you
doing to yourself here?

906
00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:43,618
My god.

907
00:45:43,701 --> 00:45:44,702
- Yeah...
- I mean...

908
00:45:45,119 --> 00:45:46,162
you embraced it.

909
00:45:47,455 --> 00:45:49,207
OK, I just gotta tell you.

910
00:45:49,248 --> 00:45:51,250
This, the whole
thing, I'm not feeling

911
00:45:51,792 --> 00:45:53,169
too good about, this.

912
00:45:53,211 --> 00:45:55,463
Well, I just wanted to
test my female parts, you know?

913
00:45:56,005 --> 00:45:57,006
I'm out of here, pal.

914
00:45:57,048 --> 00:45:58,568
You've got your
own... you're home now.

915
00:45:58,883 --> 00:45:59,967
That's just too much.

916
00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:14,649
Don't worry, OK? We'll find a
place for you to sleep tonight.

917
00:46:14,899 --> 00:46:17,026
Even if you have to
come home and stay at mine.

918
00:46:17,276 --> 00:46:18,319
- OK?
- OK.

919
00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,820
So sweet.

920
00:46:20,738 --> 00:46:22,281
- Edna. Hi.
- Hi, Jess.

921
00:46:22,323 --> 00:46:23,991
Why don't you go
wait by there? OK, then?

922
00:46:24,742 --> 00:46:26,994
Just stopping by,
cause I found you a date.

923
00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:28,579
You did?

924
00:46:28,913 --> 00:46:32,124
He's nice-looking,
successful, good sense of humor.

925
00:46:32,208 --> 00:46:33,209
What do you think?

926
00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:34,585
I don't know...

927
00:46:34,669 --> 00:46:37,505
Oh, come on, Jess, you asked
me to introduce you to someone.

928
00:46:37,797 --> 00:46:38,798
I know.

929
00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:40,258
So, what's the problem?

930
00:46:40,591 --> 00:46:41,592
It's just...

931
00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:44,220
I don't think I can take any
more rejection right now, OK?

932
00:46:51,269 --> 00:46:53,980
There are a few things we could
do to improve your chances.

933
00:46:54,856 --> 00:46:55,898
What do you mean?

934
00:46:56,190 --> 00:46:57,191
Do you trust me?

935
00:46:58,818 --> 00:46:59,819
Yes...

936
00:47:00,152 --> 00:47:01,632
Sweetheart, listen.

937
00:47:03,114 --> 00:47:04,699
When I get done with you...

938
00:47:05,283 --> 00:47:06,701
you are going to attract

939
00:47:06,826 --> 00:47:09,203
more men, than
pre-menopausal Madonna.

940
00:47:09,579 --> 00:47:11,664
- Oh, you really think so?
- I know so.

941
00:47:11,998 --> 00:47:12,999
You see these hands?

942
00:47:14,709 --> 00:47:16,419
These are magical hands.

943
00:47:16,502 --> 00:47:19,505
And they should be registered with
the Magicians' Guild of America.

944
00:47:19,672 --> 00:47:21,215
Trust me, Jess, he's the best.

945
00:47:21,382 --> 00:47:22,717
That's what he said.

946
00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:24,844
Uhuh.

947
00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:29,724
OK, here I come.

948
00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:36,189
Wow.

949
00:47:36,689 --> 00:47:39,734
You've become beautiful moth.

950
00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:41,152
Don't you mean, butterfly?

951
00:47:41,485 --> 00:47:42,486
Whatever.

952
00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:45,990
Are you sure it's not
a little, too revealing?

953
00:47:46,115 --> 00:47:47,241
No, no.

954
00:47:47,783 --> 00:47:50,077
It's the, uhh,
perfect amount of revealing.

955
00:47:50,745 --> 00:47:53,164
Now you are ready,
become trophy wife.

956
00:47:53,247 --> 00:47:55,541
Oh, that's not my goal.

957
00:47:57,293 --> 00:47:58,878
All you have to
do is be yourself.

958
00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:01,172
I mean, there's a lot to like.

959
00:48:01,839 --> 00:48:02,840
You think so?

960
00:48:03,466 --> 00:48:04,717
More than you know.

961
00:48:06,427 --> 00:48:07,428
Can I ask you something?

962
00:48:08,304 --> 00:48:09,972
- Sure.
- How come...

963
00:48:10,515 --> 00:48:12,435
you haven't tried to
fix me up with your brother?

964
00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:14,310
- With Eddie?
- Uhuh.

965
00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:15,645
Umm...

966
00:48:15,811 --> 00:48:16,812
Uhh...

967
00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,452
Because I don't know
when he's coming back.

968
00:48:19,649 --> 00:48:20,650
Where did he go?

969
00:48:21,067 --> 00:48:22,068
Eddie...

970
00:48:22,151 --> 00:48:23,152
went to prison.

971
00:48:28,074 --> 00:48:29,075
Shut up.

972
00:48:32,161 --> 00:48:33,162
Oh my gosh.

973
00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:34,914
I'm so sorry.

974
00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:36,249
It's OK.

975
00:48:36,582 --> 00:48:38,084
It must be really
hard on your family.

976
00:48:38,292 --> 00:48:39,502
Yeah, it is.

977
00:48:41,254 --> 00:48:42,463
Can I ask what he did?

978
00:48:44,423 --> 00:48:45,466
Eddie's a fraud.

979
00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:48,469
I mean like,
he committed a fraud.

980
00:48:49,136 --> 00:48:50,513
Wow. Really?

981
00:48:55,643 --> 00:48:57,520
- Crazy white people.
- Tell me about it.

982
00:48:58,187 --> 00:48:59,480
I think this one is a lesbian.

983
00:48:59,647 --> 00:49:00,648
Really?

984
00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:02,149
Strange vibe.

985
00:49:02,567 --> 00:49:05,069
Maybe you should fix
her up with your cousin.

986
00:49:05,194 --> 00:49:07,655
She doesn't like white chicks.

987
00:49:18,666 --> 00:49:21,169
I'm thinking of taking Eddie's
place in the fashion show.

988
00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:23,588
It's for a good cause, right?

989
00:49:24,839 --> 00:49:26,632
No, I was out with Jess.

990
00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:28,676
We went and got pedicures.

991
00:49:29,552 --> 00:49:31,637
My feet have
never looked so good.

992
00:49:32,889 --> 00:49:33,890
What?

993
00:49:34,182 --> 00:49:36,684
I am not sending you
a picture of my feet.

994
00:49:37,268 --> 00:49:38,436
Goodbye, Steve!

995
00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:41,981
I mean

996
00:49:42,023 --> 00:49:43,482
what's the big
deal with this thing?

997
00:49:47,153 --> 00:49:48,154
Damn.

998
00:49:56,954 --> 00:49:58,873
OK, remember.
If you and Matt hit it off

999
00:49:58,956 --> 00:50:01,459
just say the code word and
I'll make an excuse to leave.

1000
00:50:01,834 --> 00:50:02,835
Bananas. Hmm?

1001
00:50:03,419 --> 00:50:04,504
All right, we're here.

1002
00:50:08,341 --> 00:50:09,342
- Hi.
- Hi.

1003
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,344
I hope you don't mind, I...

1004
00:50:11,677 --> 00:50:12,762
brought along a friend.

1005
00:50:12,929 --> 00:50:13,930
This is Jess.

1006
00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:16,182
- This is Matt.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

1007
00:50:16,224 --> 00:50:17,225
Nice to meet you.

1008
00:50:17,558 --> 00:50:19,101
So, what would
you guys like to drink?

1009
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:20,770
No, no, no. Let me get this.

1010
00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:22,897
No, no. You guys chat
and get to know each other.

1011
00:50:22,980 --> 00:50:23,981
I'll go get the drinks.

1012
00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:26,317
- OK.
- A cappuccino.

1013
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:27,401
Cool.

1014
00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:38,037
Here you go.

1015
00:50:41,916 --> 00:50:44,544
- What can I get started for you?
- Uhh, two cappuccinos, please.

1016
00:50:46,838 --> 00:50:47,839
Here you go. Hey.

1017
00:50:48,464 --> 00:50:49,465
That's for you.

1018
00:50:52,343 --> 00:50:55,847
You gotta get those young ladies
used to getting flowers, you know?

1019
00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:57,890
That's true, that's true.

1020
00:50:57,974 --> 00:50:59,892
It's not gonna be
the last time, hopefully.

1021
00:51:00,852 --> 00:51:01,894
Hopefully not.

1022
00:51:02,311 --> 00:51:03,312
Can I get your name?

1023
00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:04,730
And your number?

1024
00:51:06,524 --> 00:51:08,401
What? What do
you need my number for?

1025
00:51:08,776 --> 00:51:09,777
So I can call you later.

1026
00:51:10,319 --> 00:51:11,320
OK, look.

1027
00:51:11,821 --> 00:51:12,822
I'm a dude.

1028
00:51:13,698 --> 00:51:14,699
You're a dude.

1029
00:51:14,991 --> 00:51:15,992
Yeah, that's right.

1030
00:51:16,826 --> 00:51:18,220
What're you playing?
Hide the banana?

1031
00:51:18,244 --> 00:51:19,287
Yeah, something like that.

1032
00:51:20,288 --> 00:51:21,608
You could've
just said no, thanks.

1033
00:51:22,957 --> 00:51:24,208
You're a fine-ass dude, though.

1034
00:51:31,465 --> 00:51:33,467
- There you go.
- Oh, thank you.

1035
00:51:33,551 --> 00:51:34,552
Cappuccino.

1036
00:51:36,345 --> 00:51:38,890
Did you know that Matt volunteers
at a homeless shelter?

1037
00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:40,975
- No.
- Yeah, it's no big deal. I...

1038
00:51:41,392 --> 00:51:43,769
I was raised by a family
who believe in giving back.

1039
00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:45,271
Oh.

1040
00:51:45,646 --> 00:51:48,024
Actually, he's gonna volunteer
at my shelter this weekend.

1041
00:51:48,482 --> 00:51:49,483
Really?

1042
00:51:49,525 --> 00:51:52,236
Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part
no matter which shelter I'm at.

1043
00:51:52,445 --> 00:51:53,446
OK.

1044
00:51:53,738 --> 00:51:55,823
So at what shelter
do you normally volunteer at?

1045
00:51:56,032 --> 00:51:57,491
Uhh, you...

1046
00:51:57,867 --> 00:52:00,036
probably wouldn't know.
It's on the other side of town.

1047
00:52:00,244 --> 00:52:01,245
Actually...

1048
00:52:01,454 --> 00:52:03,456
I know pretty much
every shelter in town.

1049
00:52:03,539 --> 00:52:05,416
Right.

1050
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:06,501
Go on, give me a try.

1051
00:52:07,084 --> 00:52:08,085
Uhh...

1052
00:52:08,628 --> 00:52:10,004
OK, umm...

1053
00:52:10,379 --> 00:52:11,714
Well, it's... umm...

1054
00:52:12,882 --> 00:52:13,883
it's on...

1055
00:52:14,342 --> 00:52:17,136
Edna, did you
happen to see if the, umm...

1056
00:52:17,595 --> 00:52:18,763
if they have any bananas?

1057
00:52:19,096 --> 00:52:20,097
I'm sorry?

1058
00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:22,183
You know, bananas.

1059
00:52:22,808 --> 00:52:24,268
My banana's gone AWOL.

1060
00:52:25,311 --> 00:52:26,312
What?

1061
00:52:29,315 --> 00:52:30,399
I mean, our bananas.

1062
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:32,610
They don't have any bananas.

1063
00:52:33,486 --> 00:52:34,487
Oh...

1064
00:52:34,529 --> 00:52:37,823
Uhh, I'd be happy to
split my cup cake with you.

1065
00:52:38,533 --> 00:52:40,493
- Oh god.
- Thank you, that's so sweet.

1066
00:52:40,826 --> 00:52:42,537
You know, I'm
gonna really have to go.

1067
00:52:42,870 --> 00:52:44,848
I've got something really
important to take care of.

1068
00:52:44,872 --> 00:52:46,082
- Oh, really?
- Uhuh.

1069
00:52:46,249 --> 00:52:47,291
Yeah, but you guys,

1070
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,056
you guys have fun.
Get to know each other.

1071
00:52:50,378 --> 00:52:51,418
Is that OK with you, Jess?

1072
00:52:51,462 --> 00:52:52,463
I'd like that.

1073
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:53,923
Great.

1074
00:52:55,049 --> 00:52:56,050
See ya.

1075
00:52:56,175 --> 00:52:57,176
Yeah.

1076
00:52:59,178 --> 00:53:00,179
So...

1077
00:53:00,763 --> 00:53:02,043
tell me a little about yourself.

1078
00:53:02,098 --> 00:53:03,766
Well, umm, as you know I work...

1079
00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,310
- You're jealous.
- No, I'm not.

1080
00:53:06,394 --> 00:53:07,395
Bullshit.

1081
00:53:07,687 --> 00:53:09,689
Look, I'm just
a little worried about her.

1082
00:53:10,022 --> 00:53:11,774
Why? You're the one
who set them up, right?

1083
00:53:12,108 --> 00:53:13,317
I thought it'd be different.

1084
00:53:13,818 --> 00:53:16,153
Different? Why? What
do you mean? Like what?

1085
00:53:16,654 --> 00:53:18,072
Different than us.

1086
00:53:18,281 --> 00:53:19,282
What?

1087
00:53:19,949 --> 00:53:22,368
Look. Maybe it's my
female hormones talking, but...

1088
00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:25,997
the idea of tricking women to get
them into bed, it just seems...

1089
00:53:26,998 --> 00:53:27,999
wrong.

1090
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,125
Is there any other way?

1091
00:53:30,626 --> 00:53:32,646
Besides, you're the one
who wrote the how-to manual.

1092
00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:34,505
- I know.
- Actually, two manuals

1093
00:53:34,714 --> 00:53:36,799
- the blog, the article...
- I said I know.

1094
00:53:37,592 --> 00:53:39,194
- Touchy.
- Hey, you're the one who told me

1095
00:53:39,218 --> 00:53:41,804
I should start looking at stuff
from a female's perspective.

1096
00:53:43,014 --> 00:53:44,140
Damn, I did, didn't I?

1097
00:53:44,515 --> 00:53:47,643
Umm, I'm just starting to realize there's
more to life than one-night stands.

1098
00:53:47,727 --> 00:53:48,728
Is there?

1099
00:53:49,562 --> 00:53:52,648
I mean, haven't you ever thought
about being in a relationship?

1100
00:53:53,232 --> 00:53:54,525
You know, like getting married?

1101
00:53:55,484 --> 00:53:56,986
Dude, that's messed up.

1102
00:53:57,236 --> 00:53:58,237
Is it?

1103
00:53:58,279 --> 00:53:59,572
I mean, come on, Eddie.

1104
00:54:00,406 --> 00:54:03,075
Please, you're starting to sound
like an old woman, or an old man

1105
00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:05,536
or, whatever it is that you are.

1106
00:54:06,579 --> 00:54:08,623
- OK, maybe you're right.
- No, I am right.

1107
00:54:09,540 --> 00:54:10,541
It's just...

1108
00:54:10,791 --> 00:54:13,503
you know, Jess, she's different to
the other girls I've been with.

1109
00:54:15,046 --> 00:54:16,482
What is that
supposed to mean, Eddie?

1110
00:54:16,506 --> 00:54:19,050
She's kind, she's
smart, she's vulnerable.

1111
00:54:19,217 --> 00:54:22,261
And when she laughs, she does like,
you know, this sort of snort thing.

1112
00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:23,846
It's really cute.

1113
00:54:24,639 --> 00:54:25,640
Oh shit!

1114
00:54:26,390 --> 00:54:27,433
You're falling for her.

1115
00:54:27,558 --> 00:54:28,809
- That's crazy.
- Is it?

1116
00:54:29,268 --> 00:54:31,354
- Hey, we're up next!
- You know I'm right.

1117
00:54:31,521 --> 00:54:32,980
- Yeah?
- I know you're an idiot.

1118
00:54:33,105 --> 00:54:35,025
Yeah, I'm an idiot, but
you're in love with Jess.

1119
00:54:35,191 --> 00:54:36,984
You're
in love with Jess.

1120
00:54:37,151 --> 00:54:38,751
You're in love with...

1121
00:54:43,241 --> 00:54:44,325
You're an idiot.

1122
00:54:51,499 --> 00:54:52,500
- Hi.
- Hi.

1123
00:54:52,583 --> 00:54:54,001
I was just
actually running a bath.

1124
00:54:54,377 --> 00:54:56,003
Oh. I can go and come back.

1125
00:54:56,087 --> 00:54:57,213
Don't be silly, come on in.

1126
00:54:57,380 --> 00:54:59,380
I can pour you some wine,
we can talk while I soak.

1127
00:54:59,507 --> 00:55:00,716
Oh.

1128
00:55:00,758 --> 00:55:01,843
Something wrong?

1129
00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:02,927
Uh, no.

1130
00:55:03,177 --> 00:55:04,345
Good. So, red or white?

1131
00:55:04,470 --> 00:55:06,138
Uhh, red. Red would be great.

1132
00:55:06,222 --> 00:55:07,223
Red it is.

1133
00:55:07,932 --> 00:55:09,141
This is my kitchen.

1134
00:55:09,225 --> 00:55:10,810
Oh, very nice. I like it.

1135
00:55:10,852 --> 00:55:12,120
Sorry, it's a
little bit of a mess.

1136
00:55:12,144 --> 00:55:13,145
No, no.

1137
00:55:13,938 --> 00:55:15,815
Oh, this is all that's left.

1138
00:55:19,861 --> 00:55:20,862
Oh.

1139
00:55:21,153 --> 00:55:22,154
Thirsty?

1140
00:55:22,864 --> 00:55:23,865
Yeah.

1141
00:55:24,657 --> 00:55:25,741
All right, then.

1142
00:55:26,325 --> 00:55:27,326
Follow me.

1143
00:55:31,998 --> 00:55:33,478
Have a seat right there.

1144
00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:35,811
I'd invite you
to join me, but...

1145
00:55:40,006 --> 00:55:41,215
Are you all right, Edna?

1146
00:55:42,383 --> 00:55:43,384
What?

1147
00:55:44,343 --> 00:55:45,344
I'm good.

1148
00:55:45,928 --> 00:55:46,929
OK.

1149
00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,060
So, you said you wanted to talk?

1150
00:55:53,561 --> 00:55:56,981
Yeah, yeah, I'm just kind of curious
about how things with you and Matt go.

1151
00:55:57,231 --> 00:55:58,232
Really well.

1152
00:55:58,357 --> 00:55:59,918
We've been talking
every day on the phone.

1153
00:55:59,942 --> 00:56:01,262
Oh, so you're
gonna see him again?

1154
00:56:01,569 --> 00:56:03,487
Tomorrow, when he
volunteers at the shelter.

1155
00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:04,822
Right.

1156
00:56:05,114 --> 00:56:07,450
You know,
he seems like a great guy.

1157
00:56:08,326 --> 00:56:10,745
Yeah, I mean, he does
seem that way, doesn't he?

1158
00:56:11,162 --> 00:56:13,581
Plus, he is so dreamy.

1159
00:56:13,831 --> 00:56:14,832
OK, Jess.

1160
00:56:15,124 --> 00:56:16,542
Promise me you'll
be careful again.

1161
00:56:16,918 --> 00:56:17,960
What do you mean?

1162
00:56:18,127 --> 00:56:20,171
I just don't
know Matt that well.

1163
00:56:20,379 --> 00:56:21,631
And sometimes, guys...

1164
00:56:22,048 --> 00:56:23,257
they can be snakes.

1165
00:56:23,716 --> 00:56:24,717
You're so sweet.

1166
00:56:24,842 --> 00:56:25,843
Yeah.

1167
00:56:26,093 --> 00:56:27,220
I'm a lot of things.

1168
00:56:27,845 --> 00:56:30,723
So, how come you didn't
go after Matt yourself?

1169
00:56:31,474 --> 00:56:32,642
He's not really my type.

1170
00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:34,560
- No?
- Nah.

1171
00:56:35,019 --> 00:56:36,020
Plus...

1172
00:56:36,354 --> 00:56:37,939
kind of have my
eye on someone else.

1173
00:56:39,023 --> 00:56:41,150
Oh, is it that guy you
came by the shelter with?

1174
00:56:41,275 --> 00:56:42,318
- Steve?
- Yes.

1175
00:56:42,944 --> 00:56:44,529
No. He wishes.

1176
00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:46,072
Nah, not him.

1177
00:56:47,198 --> 00:56:48,199
Someone who...

1178
00:56:48,449 --> 00:56:50,117
doesn't really know
how I feel about them.

1179
00:56:50,826 --> 00:56:52,203
Then why don't
you just go for it?

1180
00:56:55,414 --> 00:56:56,749
- Edna.
- Umm...

1181
00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:58,793
I can't.

1182
00:56:59,377 --> 00:57:00,378
Come on.

1183
00:57:00,628 --> 00:57:02,213
You're a smart, confident woman.

1184
00:57:02,547 --> 00:57:04,006
Any guy would be
lucky to date you.

1185
00:57:04,131 --> 00:57:05,800
Touché.

1186
00:57:20,481 --> 00:57:21,482
So I said,

1187
00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:23,025
"How about a little notice."

1188
00:57:23,401 --> 00:57:25,236
- What a concept.
- I know, right?

1189
00:57:30,575 --> 00:57:31,576
Excuse me.

1190
00:57:33,786 --> 00:57:35,955
I noticed you came out
from Lewis, Brown and Anderson.

1191
00:57:36,163 --> 00:57:37,957
- Yeah?
- Do you know Matt Flannery?

1192
00:57:38,249 --> 00:57:39,625
- I work for him.
- You do?

1193
00:57:39,834 --> 00:57:40,835
Yeah, why?

1194
00:57:40,877 --> 00:57:43,045
I met him the other
day and he asked me out.

1195
00:57:45,173 --> 00:57:46,841
- He asked you out?
- Yeah.

1196
00:57:47,049 --> 00:57:49,135
- I don't think so, honey.
- What do you mean?

1197
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,346
- Matt's happily married.
- With three kids.

1198
00:58:00,271 --> 00:58:03,232
How do you
know the guy was married?

1199
00:58:03,316 --> 00:58:04,609
I talked to his secretary.

1200
00:58:05,276 --> 00:58:06,360
Damn, you're good.

1201
00:58:06,527 --> 00:58:08,404
Yeah? And Matt's a scumbag.

1202
00:58:09,572 --> 00:58:10,573
Huh.

1203
00:58:10,865 --> 00:58:11,866
What?

1204
00:58:12,033 --> 00:58:13,760
Come on, you gotta give
this guy some props, right?

1205
00:58:13,784 --> 00:58:14,928
It's quite
the scam he pulled off.

1206
00:58:14,952 --> 00:58:16,763
I'd like to give him
something, but it ain't props.

1207
00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,599
Well, you know what? Old
Eddie would have been impressed.

1208
00:58:18,623 --> 00:58:21,000
Yeah, well, new Eddie would
like to kick old Eddie's ass.

1209
00:58:21,042 --> 00:58:23,961
Yeah? I'd put my money on old Eddie,
cause new Eddie seems a little gay.

1210
00:58:25,505 --> 00:58:26,589
You're an idiot.

1211
00:58:27,715 --> 00:58:28,716
I know.

1212
00:58:33,846 --> 00:58:34,847
This is complicated.

1213
00:58:51,864 --> 00:58:52,865
Oh, Edna!

1214
00:58:52,949 --> 00:58:54,909
Hi, Jess, you made it.

1215
00:58:55,034 --> 00:58:56,202
Thanks for inviting me.

1216
00:58:56,702 --> 00:58:58,704
- And for the backstage pass.
- Sure.

1217
00:58:59,747 --> 00:59:00,748
Did you come alone?

1218
00:59:01,415 --> 00:59:04,669
Yeah, I invited Matt, but he, uhh,
he had to go out of town for work.

1219
00:59:04,919 --> 00:59:06,045
- Really?
- Yeah.

1220
00:59:06,546 --> 00:59:08,482
OK, you're all set. You should
report to the staging area.

1221
00:59:08,506 --> 00:59:09,507
OK, thanks.

1222
00:59:09,757 --> 00:59:12,426
Edna, I have to tell you,
Matt is such a great guy.

1223
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:13,946
After we got done at the shelter

1224
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,472
he took me for
a ride on his motorcycle.

1225
00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:19,618
And then, after dinner,
we stopped by his boat for a nightcap.

1226
00:59:19,642 --> 00:59:20,643
He has a boat?

1227
00:59:20,935 --> 00:59:22,937
Well, actually Matt
says it's called a sloop

1228
00:59:23,271 --> 00:59:24,522
because it has three masts.

1229
00:59:24,647 --> 00:59:25,731
Damn, he's good.

1230
00:59:26,274 --> 00:59:27,292
Well, I wouldn't know that.

1231
00:59:27,316 --> 00:59:29,193
I have this rule,
no sex until the third date.

1232
00:59:29,569 --> 00:59:32,113
But, I will say he is a very good kisser.

1233
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,120
OK, listen, I need to
tell you something, Jess.

1234
00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:35,575
What is it?

1235
00:59:36,617 --> 00:59:37,827
OK, how do I put this?

1236
00:59:38,119 --> 00:59:39,120
Just say it.

1237
00:59:39,453 --> 00:59:41,080
Matt is, umm...

1238
00:59:41,706 --> 00:59:42,707
Yeah?

1239
00:59:42,832 --> 00:59:43,833
married.

1240
00:59:44,625 --> 00:59:46,627
- You're wrong.
- I spoke to his secretary.

1241
00:59:47,420 --> 00:59:48,546
Why are you doing this?

1242
00:59:48,629 --> 00:59:49,922
To protect you, Jess.

1243
00:59:50,214 --> 00:59:52,717
You deserve to be with someone
who really cares about you.

1244
00:59:52,884 --> 00:59:54,343
Not someone
who's running a scam.

1245
00:59:54,927 --> 00:59:56,137
I knew it! You're a lesbian!

1246
00:59:56,262 --> 00:59:59,015
What? No, I'm not a lesbian.

1247
00:59:59,348 --> 01:00:01,434
I am just a man
trapped in a woman's body.

1248
01:00:01,475 --> 01:00:02,476
What?

1249
01:00:03,144 --> 01:00:05,938
Look, I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but the thing is...

1250
01:00:06,731 --> 01:00:08,371
I ran into a
homeless woman the other day.

1251
01:00:08,482 --> 01:00:09,650
She asked me to kiss her.

1252
01:00:10,484 --> 01:00:13,029
Said it would prove that I could
see the beauty in all women.

1253
01:00:13,571 --> 01:00:16,199
I refused. The next day
I wake up, I am no longer Eddie.

1254
01:00:16,365 --> 01:00:17,366
I am Edna.

1255
01:00:18,159 --> 01:00:19,452
And so, I need to find her.

1256
01:00:19,493 --> 01:00:20,661
Because all I can figure is,

1257
01:00:20,703 --> 01:00:22,538
you know, she's put
some kind of spell on me.

1258
01:00:22,997 --> 01:00:24,081
And so, once I find her

1259
01:00:24,123 --> 01:00:26,167
she can change me
back into being Eddie.

1260
01:00:28,961 --> 01:00:30,338
Come on, say something.

1261
01:00:31,547 --> 01:00:33,216
I don't ever
want to see you again.

1262
01:00:34,008 --> 01:00:36,511
- What?
- Don't call me, don't

1263
01:00:36,719 --> 01:00:38,763
text me, don't
just stop by and see me!

1264
01:00:39,096 --> 01:00:40,473
You're a sick, sick person!

1265
01:00:41,098 --> 01:00:42,517
Just, leave me alone.

1266
01:00:43,559 --> 01:00:44,644
Jess, come back!

1267
01:01:28,688 --> 01:01:29,689
The thing is,

1268
01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:32,316
ever since the show I haven't
been able to control my emotions.

1269
01:01:32,775 --> 01:01:35,194
Like, someone cuts me
off, I bawl my eyes out.

1270
01:01:36,404 --> 01:01:39,031
Ketchup spills on my
shirt, I bawl my eyes out.

1271
01:01:39,824 --> 01:01:40,867
That's messed up.

1272
01:01:41,659 --> 01:01:45,079
I'd rather be a little bit emotional
than a cold, heartless bastard like you.

1273
01:01:46,539 --> 01:01:47,540
Ouch.

1274
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:49,041
Oh shit.

1275
01:01:49,292 --> 01:01:50,293
I'm sorry.

1276
01:01:50,710 --> 01:01:51,794
That's all right.

1277
01:01:52,336 --> 01:01:53,588
I was born out of wedlock.

1278
01:01:54,422 --> 01:01:56,716
I mean, I know I've been
hurting over Jess, but this...

1279
01:01:57,341 --> 01:01:58,759
this feels like more than that.

1280
01:01:59,260 --> 01:02:00,928
Hey, maybe it's
your female hormones.

1281
01:02:02,346 --> 01:02:03,347
Yeah, maybe.

1282
01:02:03,806 --> 01:02:05,075
Well, hey,
look. It's still early.

1283
01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:07,099
What do you say we
go out, hit a club or something?

1284
01:02:07,143 --> 01:02:08,853
While I'm an emotional wreck?

1285
01:02:09,353 --> 01:02:11,689
How self-centered
can you be, Steve?

1286
01:02:12,523 --> 01:02:13,524
I mean... what?

1287
01:02:14,483 --> 01:02:15,484
What?

1288
01:02:16,152 --> 01:02:17,992
You'd think we're
fucking already or something.

1289
01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:33,336
- Shit, I did it again.
- Uhuh.

1290
01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,047
I really have a problem.

1291
01:02:36,506 --> 01:02:37,507
Yeah?

1292
01:02:37,590 --> 01:02:38,591
Well...

1293
01:02:38,633 --> 01:02:41,594
My best friend has
turned into a really hot chick

1294
01:02:41,677 --> 01:02:44,013
and every night I've been
having sex dreams about him.

1295
01:02:44,722 --> 01:02:45,973
Her.

1296
01:02:46,807 --> 01:02:48,893
See, you're not the only
one with problems here, pal.

1297
01:02:49,810 --> 01:02:51,103
I'm sorry, I didn't know.

1298
01:02:51,729 --> 01:02:53,523
Yeah, well, I'm not
too proud of that one.

1299
01:02:53,856 --> 01:02:54,857
Right.

1300
01:02:56,859 --> 01:02:58,861
Come on, Eddie, let's
just change the subject.

1301
01:02:58,945 --> 01:02:59,946
Yeah.

1302
01:03:00,029 --> 01:03:02,909
Do me a favor, pass me the controls,
maybe there's a game on or something.

1303
01:03:08,829 --> 01:03:10,331
- You know what?
- What?

1304
01:03:11,249 --> 01:03:12,834
- Let's do it.
- Do what?

1305
01:03:13,584 --> 01:03:15,169
Like, let's do it.

1306
01:03:18,381 --> 01:03:20,758
- Are you fucking serious?
- Yes, I'm fucking serious.

1307
01:03:21,050 --> 01:03:24,512
I mean, I should really take my
female equipment out on a test drive.

1308
01:03:25,012 --> 01:03:26,848
And who better
to lose my virginity to

1309
01:03:27,014 --> 01:03:28,975
- than my best friend?
- Because I can drive!

1310
01:03:30,059 --> 01:03:32,728
I can drive. And you are
serious. You are serious, right?

1311
01:03:32,812 --> 01:03:35,273
I'm as serious as
pink on a pregnancy test.

1312
01:03:35,356 --> 01:03:36,482
OK, that's great!

1313
01:03:36,858 --> 01:03:38,734
That is great. That is so sweet.

1314
01:03:39,193 --> 01:03:41,463
Don't be fucking with me, cause
if you're fucking with me...

1315
01:03:41,487 --> 01:03:42,864
Mate, I'm being serious.

1316
01:03:43,239 --> 01:03:44,359
I'm gonna go and freshen up.

1317
01:03:44,657 --> 01:03:45,658
Afterward...

1318
01:03:45,992 --> 01:03:46,993
me and you...

1319
01:03:47,243 --> 01:03:48,244
are gonna do the nasty.

1320
01:03:48,744 --> 01:03:49,829
I love the nasty.

1321
01:03:51,330 --> 01:03:52,456
I love the nasty.

1322
01:03:53,332 --> 01:03:55,209
Wait a minute. You
do have a vagina, right?

1323
01:03:55,751 --> 01:03:56,919
- Yes.
- Good.

1324
01:03:57,086 --> 01:03:58,087
Important.

1325
01:03:58,504 --> 01:04:00,548
For the old in and outie.

1326
01:04:13,686 --> 01:04:14,687
OK, umm...

1327
01:04:15,146 --> 01:04:16,939
You, like, make
yourself comfortable.

1328
01:04:18,441 --> 01:04:19,442
I'll be right back.

1329
01:04:42,256 --> 01:04:43,257
Ugh.

1330
01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:52,892
What's wrong?

1331
01:04:56,312 --> 01:04:57,313
You OK?

1332
01:05:00,942 --> 01:05:03,194
Oh! What the fuck? What...

1333
01:05:03,402 --> 01:05:05,071
what, what, what did you do?

1334
01:05:05,279 --> 01:05:06,489
I think I'm dying!

1335
01:05:06,531 --> 01:05:08,032
There's so much blood, Eddie!

1336
01:05:08,282 --> 01:05:09,742
Call 911!

1337
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,164
Hey. Hey, excuse me.

1338
01:05:15,748 --> 01:05:16,749
Thanks for the tampon.

1339
01:05:27,176 --> 01:05:29,262
- Well, that was embarrassing.
- Yes.

1340
01:05:30,221 --> 01:05:31,222
Yes, it was.

1341
01:05:31,514 --> 01:05:34,225
- Umm... thanks for the...
- No problem.

1342
01:05:34,767 --> 01:05:35,767
No problem.

1343
01:05:36,811 --> 01:05:37,812
OK.

1344
01:05:38,521 --> 01:05:39,522
OK.

1345
01:05:41,274 --> 01:05:42,960
So you know that thing
that we were gonna do...

1346
01:05:42,984 --> 01:05:44,819
Don't worry about that.
Do not...

1347
01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:46,445
worry about that. I am...

1348
01:05:46,529 --> 01:05:49,198
I, I, I will not be having any
more of those kind of dreams.

1349
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:50,241
Right.

1350
01:05:50,324 --> 01:05:52,034
Yeah. I'm, uhh...

1351
01:05:53,578 --> 01:05:54,787
I'm totally cured.

1352
01:05:55,371 --> 01:05:56,372
I get it.

1353
01:05:57,373 --> 01:05:59,417
Yeah, I'll tell you
what, I should get going.

1354
01:05:59,625 --> 01:06:01,385
Got to get back
to the office. I've got to...

1355
01:06:01,627 --> 01:06:02,628
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1356
01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:05,298
I'll, uhh... I'll uhh...

1357
01:06:05,506 --> 01:06:07,466
I'll, I'll talk to you later.

1358
01:06:08,551 --> 01:06:10,761
- See you later, Steve.
- I'm good. I'll see you.

1359
01:06:15,975 --> 01:06:17,685
Oh, wait. Do I have
something on my face?

1360
01:06:17,935 --> 01:06:18,936
I'll see you.

1361
01:06:25,109 --> 01:06:28,446
Look, how many times do I have to tell you?
I don't do full-frontal.

1362
01:06:29,405 --> 01:06:30,948
What? How much does it pay?

1363
01:06:31,699 --> 01:06:32,742
Oh yeah. I'm in.

1364
01:06:33,284 --> 01:06:34,285
Call me back.

1365
01:06:34,577 --> 01:06:35,578
Can I help you?

1366
01:06:35,620 --> 01:06:37,955
Yeah, I'll have
a small latte, and uhh...

1367
01:06:38,164 --> 01:06:39,933
let me get whatever the
young lady here would like.

1368
01:06:39,957 --> 01:06:40,958
No thanks.

1369
01:06:41,042 --> 01:06:43,878
I insist. I'm trying to live
my life by paying it forward.

1370
01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:46,812
OK, that's great and all,
but I'd rather just pay for my own drink.

1371
01:06:47,465 --> 01:06:48,466
Come on, babe.

1372
01:06:48,633 --> 01:06:49,800
It would really make my day.

1373
01:06:50,218 --> 01:06:51,844
OK, look, I know
what you're doing.

1374
01:06:52,386 --> 01:06:53,804
I used to be just like you.

1375
01:06:54,222 --> 01:06:55,932
So trust me when
I say, scamming women

1376
01:06:55,973 --> 01:06:58,935
to get them into bed is a shallow,
meaningless way to live.

1377
01:06:59,227 --> 01:07:00,269
At the end of the day

1378
01:07:00,478 --> 01:07:01,938
it's love that really matters.

1379
01:07:02,188 --> 01:07:03,189
Uhuh.

1380
01:07:03,523 --> 01:07:04,524
You go, girl.

1381
01:07:04,982 --> 01:07:06,859
I'll be damned...

1382
01:07:08,319 --> 01:07:09,320
Dude...

1383
01:07:09,779 --> 01:07:10,780
you just dodged a bullet.

1384
01:07:11,489 --> 01:07:12,615
Chick is hiding a banana.

1385
01:07:14,033 --> 01:07:15,826
She's got, balls.

1386
01:07:42,562 --> 01:07:44,272
- Wow.
- I know, right?

1387
01:07:44,981 --> 01:07:46,834
It's a little different
to your first two books.

1388
01:07:46,858 --> 01:07:48,568
Well, I mean,
I'm a little different.

1389
01:07:48,609 --> 01:07:49,610
True.

1390
01:07:50,736 --> 01:07:52,822
- True.
- So, what do you think?

1391
01:07:53,197 --> 01:07:55,283
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't know, I mean...

1392
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,660
all this stuff about intimacy

1393
01:07:57,743 --> 01:07:59,245
respect, romance...

1394
01:07:59,453 --> 01:08:02,693
I mean, come on. You really think sex is
better between two people who are in love?

1395
01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,542
Yeah. I do.

1396
01:08:06,252 --> 01:08:07,253
Hm.

1397
01:08:08,296 --> 01:08:09,547
Love is the answer, pal.

1398
01:08:13,134 --> 01:08:14,594
Your ass is the answer, Eddie.

1399
01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,846
Edna. God, I gotta stop.

1400
01:08:32,195 --> 01:08:33,196
Hey!

1401
01:08:34,322 --> 01:08:36,699
You don't
respect elders, do you?

1402
01:08:38,159 --> 01:08:39,160
Fuck off.

1403
01:08:39,243 --> 01:08:40,369
You...

1404
01:09:01,557 --> 01:09:03,226
Yeah.

1405
01:09:05,811 --> 01:09:08,731
Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit!

1406
01:09:09,273 --> 01:09:10,775
Shit!

1407
01:09:11,192 --> 01:09:14,570
Shit! Shit!

1408
01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:17,156
Yeah!

1409
01:09:17,281 --> 01:09:19,116
Fuck, yes!

1410
01:09:19,450 --> 01:09:20,743
Yes! Phone!

1411
01:09:21,035 --> 01:09:22,036
Phone.

1412
01:09:22,662 --> 01:09:23,955
Phone. Come on.

1413
01:09:24,497 --> 01:09:25,790
OK, OK.

1414
01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:29,585
Steve! It's Eddie.

1415
01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:30,920
Listen to me, it's Eddie.

1416
01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,547
I'm back, man. I'm back!

1417
01:09:32,964 --> 01:09:34,173
Fuck yes!

1418
01:09:55,862 --> 01:09:58,322
I think Chapter Seven,
you'll really like it.

1419
01:09:58,573 --> 01:09:59,574
Next.

1420
01:09:59,615 --> 01:10:00,616
All right. Bye.

1421
01:10:02,326 --> 01:10:03,703
- Hello.
- Hi.

1422
01:10:05,246 --> 01:10:07,957
Can I just say,
you are the perfect man.

1423
01:10:08,374 --> 01:10:10,668
Well, that's very
kind of you, but I am...

1424
01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,086
far from perfect.

1425
01:10:12,378 --> 01:10:15,089
I don't know. You
understand and respect women.

1426
01:10:15,756 --> 01:10:17,341
Plus, you're so damn handsome.

1427
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,511
That's very kind of you.
Thank you very much.

1428
01:10:21,179 --> 01:10:22,597
I appreciate that. I do.

1429
01:10:23,139 --> 01:10:24,140
Thank you.

1430
01:10:24,599 --> 01:10:25,600
Thank you.

1431
01:10:25,975 --> 01:10:27,810
Thank you.
Steve Burns, I'm his agent.

1432
01:10:28,978 --> 01:10:30,897
- I always introduce myself.
- Next.

1433
01:10:32,398 --> 01:10:33,399
- Hi.
- Hi.

1434
01:10:34,650 --> 01:10:35,651
Right here.

1435
01:10:36,444 --> 01:10:38,529
You really liked it?
That was good.

1436
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,448
Here he is. Hey, pal.

1437
01:10:40,573 --> 01:10:41,574
Hey, buddy.

1438
01:10:41,657 --> 01:10:43,657
Hey, listen. We've
got to get going. We've got a...

1439
01:10:43,951 --> 01:10:47,121
dinner reservation tonight to celebrate
our six-month anniversary, actually.

1440
01:10:47,205 --> 01:10:48,873
- Six months already?
- Yeah.

1441
01:10:49,165 --> 01:10:51,042
- Wow, congrats.
- Thank you.

1442
01:10:51,501 --> 01:10:53,604
Are you sure you won't let me
set you up with my roommate?

1443
01:10:53,628 --> 01:10:55,796
Yeah... no, no...

1444
01:10:56,589 --> 01:10:57,965
I really think
you'd hit it off.

1445
01:10:59,842 --> 01:11:01,802
I appreciate the
offer, but no, thank you.

1446
01:11:02,512 --> 01:11:04,198
All right, if you change
your mind, let us know?

1447
01:11:04,222 --> 01:11:05,389
- Will do.
- OK?

1448
01:11:05,473 --> 01:11:06,833
- Go on.
- If you change your mind.

1449
01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,744
- If I change my mind. Have fun.
- See you, pal.

1450
01:11:08,768 --> 01:11:09,769
See ya.

1451
01:11:17,568 --> 01:11:18,568
Eddie.

1452
01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,821
Jess.

1453
01:11:22,031 --> 01:11:23,699
- Hi.
- Hi.

1454
01:11:24,951 --> 01:11:26,494
Wow, you look amazing.

1455
01:11:26,786 --> 01:11:28,412
Oh. Thanks.

1456
01:11:30,581 --> 01:11:31,707
So, umm...

1457
01:11:32,583 --> 01:11:33,960
Uhh...

1458
01:11:34,418 --> 01:11:36,087
- Read your book.
- You did?

1459
01:11:36,462 --> 01:11:37,463
Uhuh.

1460
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:39,882
- I really liked it.
- I'm glad.

1461
01:11:41,926 --> 01:11:43,135
You dedicated it to me.

1462
01:11:43,553 --> 01:11:44,554
Yeah.

1463
01:11:44,887 --> 01:11:47,348
Well, you know, you played
a big role in helping me change.

1464
01:11:49,016 --> 01:11:50,476
Yeah. About that.

1465
01:11:51,602 --> 01:11:52,603
So...

1466
01:11:52,812 --> 01:11:54,814
you and Edna...

1467
01:11:54,856 --> 01:11:55,940
One and the same.

1468
01:11:56,983 --> 01:11:57,984
Oh.

1469
01:11:58,234 --> 01:11:59,694
- Wow.
- Crazy, huh?

1470
01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:01,571
Yes...

1471
01:12:02,864 --> 01:12:03,865
and no.

1472
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,534
You know, I've got an idea.

1473
01:12:07,785 --> 01:12:10,079
Why don't we start
this thing all over?

1474
01:12:12,623 --> 01:12:13,624
Hello.

1475
01:12:13,708 --> 01:12:14,709
I'm Eddie Greenleaf.

1476
01:12:15,042 --> 01:12:16,544
- Jess White.
- Jess White?

1477
01:12:16,752 --> 01:12:17,753
- Uhuh.
- Wow.

1478
01:12:18,504 --> 01:12:19,547
So are you seeing anyone?

1479
01:12:20,339 --> 01:12:21,340
Uh, no.

1480
01:12:21,757 --> 01:12:24,260
Not since I discovered the last
guy I was dating was married.

1481
01:12:24,510 --> 01:12:25,970
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.

1482
01:12:26,554 --> 01:12:28,556
A friend tried to warn
me, but I wouldn't listen.

1483
01:12:29,098 --> 01:12:30,766
In fact, I was
really mean to her.

1484
01:12:31,767 --> 01:12:33,127
You know, I think
she forgives you.

1485
01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:38,608
So, how about you? Are you...

1486
01:12:39,817 --> 01:12:40,818
seeing anyone?

1487
01:12:40,985 --> 01:12:41,986
Actually...

1488
01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,656
I kind of fell in love for the
first time in my life last year.

1489
01:12:47,533 --> 01:12:48,534
You did?

1490
01:12:48,784 --> 01:12:49,785
Yeah.

1491
01:12:49,952 --> 01:12:52,288
The timing, though,
it wasn't right, unfortunately.

1492
01:12:53,998 --> 01:12:54,999
Well...

1493
01:12:55,249 --> 01:12:56,876
maybe you should
give it another shot.

1494
01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,046
I was just thinking
exactly the same thing.

1495
01:13:02,006 --> 01:13:03,090
So, can I buy you a latte?

1496
01:13:03,674 --> 01:13:04,926
- I'd really like that.
- Yeah?

1497
01:13:05,009 --> 01:13:06,886
- Yeah.
- Let's get out of here then.

1498
01:13:33,287 --> 01:13:34,288
Mark.

1499
01:13:35,581 --> 01:13:36,892
- You had the book signing.
- Uhuh.

1500
01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:37,917
The release party.

1501
01:13:38,125 --> 01:13:40,925
Sex with a homeless model... Oh fuck, a homeless model.

1502
01:13:47,969 --> 01:13:49,512
I love the
homeless kind of look.

1503
01:13:49,595 --> 01:13:50,596
It's just, you know...

1504
01:13:50,638 --> 01:13:51,722
The book signing.

1505
01:13:51,973 --> 01:13:53,933
Sex with a homeless-
Oh for fuck's sake!

1506
01:13:54,016 --> 01:13:55,351
That homeless
woman's in my head.

1507
01:13:55,643 --> 01:13:56,936
Buddy, let me
tell you something.

1508
01:13:56,978 --> 01:13:58,437
I'm, I'm starving, ok.

1509
01:13:58,813 --> 01:14:00,133
This may be
harder than I thought.

1510
01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:03,985
OK, we might
have to go back to

1511
01:14:06,279 --> 01:14:07,280
Knock, knock!

1512
01:14:16,038 --> 01:14:18,118
This is where you
find your beaver buzzers

1513
01:14:18,165 --> 01:14:21,669
magic wands, pussy punchers,
hamburger helpers and wacky wobblers.

1514
01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:24,255
Personally,
I like the butterfly.

1515
01:14:25,548 --> 01:14:26,549
Fuck.

1516
01:14:48,821 --> 01:14:49,947
- Well?
- This stuff is good.

1517
01:14:50,031 --> 01:14:51,383
- Not bad, right?
- Yeah, what is it?

1518
01:14:51,407 --> 01:14:52,909
- Bocelios.
- Hmm.

1519
01:14:53,326 --> 01:14:54,344
Dos celios.

1520
01:14:54,368 --> 01:14:55,661
This stuff's good. What is it?

1521
01:14:55,870 --> 01:14:57,163
Dos selios.

1522
01:14:58,664 --> 01:14:59,957
This stuff is good.

1523
01:15:00,082 --> 01:15:01,083
What is it?

1524
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,011
The thing is...

1525
01:15:13,304 --> 01:15:14,639
Oh. For fuck's sake.

1526
01:15:14,931 --> 01:15:16,474
Yes, I'm fucking serious.

1527
01:15:16,682 --> 01:15:19,352
I mean, I really should take
my female equipment out with...

1528
01:15:19,936 --> 01:15:21,270
What am I doing?

1529
01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,315
Hey, hey. Hey, excuse me.

1530
01:15:24,774 --> 01:15:27,151
Thanks for the cond...
Not the condom, fuck.

1531
01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:38,204
Come on.

1532
01:15:40,164 --> 01:15:41,165
OK.

1533
01:15:42,375 --> 01:15:43,376
Eddie!

1534
01:15:43,751 --> 01:15:45,336
No, I'm fucking Eddie. Fuck!

1535
01:15:45,378 --> 01:15:46,379
Back.

1536
01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,674
Make yourself
comfortable and I'll...

1537
01:15:51,342 --> 01:15:52,343
be right back.

1538
01:15:56,180 --> 01:15:57,640
Yes!

1539
01:16:04,397 --> 01:16:06,065
She must have put a spell on me.

1540
01:16:06,274 --> 01:16:07,942
That's the only
thing that makes sense.

1541
01:16:08,568 --> 01:16:09,986
OK. So...

1542
01:16:10,528 --> 01:16:11,988
we're looking for this magical

1543
01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:14,574
mystery kind of
homeless woman, right?

1544
01:16:14,866 --> 01:16:16,367
I mean, I don't
know. I guess so.

1545
01:16:17,702 --> 01:16:18,703
OK.

1546
01:16:19,579 --> 01:16:20,621
Maybe she was a witch.

1547
01:16:20,872 --> 01:16:22,516
- A witch.
- All right, did you see it yet?

1548
01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:23,541
Because the gig's up.

1549
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544
Can I ask you a question?

1550
01:16:37,638 --> 01:16:38,639
I'm so sorry.

1551
01:16:41,851 --> 01:16:42,852
Not in.

1552
01:16:45,813 --> 01:16:46,814
Uhuh.