Anon Gets Augs (Rated R for Retarded)

    >Day seven in the year 20X9 in Detroit, Equestria.
    >You are Anonymous
    >And you're wearing cool shades and a sexy suave trenchcoat.
    >You think you're Adam Jensen because you're a retard.
    >Rarity gave it to you as a christmas present.
    >Because they have Jesus in Equestria.
    >Praise be to God.
    >Anyhow you're down the street, hardly able to contain your record-breaking sveltness when you see Roid Rage helping an old mare lift barrels of apple cider into her cart.
    >Your power is augmented.
    >"Stand back. I'll handle this." Holy shit, your Adam voice was spot on.
    "I don't think that's a hot idea, bro. These things are pretty heavy and the bindings on the barrels aren't as strong as they used to be."
    >Roid Rage cannot into the sophistication of your augs.
    >Make retarded "bzzz bzzz whrrrr whrrr" noises as you motion to pick up a barrel.
    >"Just stand back. I don't need anyone getting hurt."
    >bzzzz whrr whrrr
    >With lightning speed you lift a whole barrel over your shoulder and scream like a bitch as your spine cracks beneath the unbalanced weight.
    >whrr bzzt bzzrrt

>You lose your balance and the barrel comes crashing down on your shoulder, breaking many sensitives bones because you never drank enough milk as a child.
>The bindings break and the whole barrel splinters, flying into your skin and ruining your kickass jacket and the floral patterns on the shoulders.
>You get cider all over your shades that make everything look yellow.
>You cry from equal parts pain and horror at your clothes being ruined.
>You pass out.
>Days pass

>You wake up. There's a bandage over your eye. Your torso is wrapped in a strange casing, leaving you unable to move your lower body.
"Anon, thank Celestia, you're awake."
>It's Twilight.
"We did the best we could with you. We had to improvise on your spine, a lot of it was based of what we know from Minotaur physiology, in order to provide as stronger frame in case you do something dumb like this again. I based part of the genetic faux-pattern off of pegasus DNA, so you can get some of the gravity-negation effects of their magic. If you jump from a high place like you're prone to do, you won't snap your neck. it'll take a few days for your body to rework the neural patterns into the prosthetics."
>Prosthetics?
"Your eye was even trickier. I always thought the reason you act so stupid is because you're probably half-blind from touching yourself all the time so I ran an amalgam spell on eagle, chimera, and hydra ocular patterns. We grafted it around Pinkie's eyeball base, so maybe some of her Pinkie-Sense will further improve your ability to stop doing something if it might lead to something especially dangerous."
>Your vision is augmented?
"And your arm....


>You looked at your arm for the first time.
>It was fucking beautiful.
>It was solid black with gold and purple trim. Muscle fibers flowed smoothly and seamlessly from your shoulder joint. A veritable ballet of technology and craftsmanship. Your flexed your arm.
>A single tear brimming with nanomachines fell forth as millions of microfibers tightened and pulled.
"And if you say "Henshin-a-go-go something really bucking cool happens."
>"HENSHING A GO GO BABY!"
>You arm then burst into an appendage of pure blue energy.
>Mother fucking black magic.
"Be careful, Anon. You can only use this ability twice per mission unless your preorder at Gamestop."
>"Huh?"
"Nothing."
>"Thank-you Twilight. This is amazing...I don't know what to say."
"There's a downside to it, however. In order to keep your body from rejecting your prostheses, you have to eat out Celestia's ass twice a week."
>wut.
>And then Celestia burst from a thousand sparks of light and onto your bed.
"Your nurse is here."
>She turns around, her massive booty hovering over your face.
>Your immediately shoot your hands against her and keep her from pressing down. The microservitors in your arms groan in protest as the sheer gravity of her badonkadonk overpowers you.
>We just can't do it captain.
>She laughs loudly.
"No brakes, Anon."
>We don't have the power.
>You scream and curse and beg as her flank lowers down onto your face, enveloping you in the hot, soft darkness that is Celestia's booty.
>You beat against the bed and kick your legs. You try to scream, but you are only buried further into the royal skyrim.

>You never asked for this.