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- The Tao of Internet Relay Chat
- Copyright (C) Ove Ruben R Olsen 1994
- Version of 940110
- Contributing masters: Master ScottM
- -----
- Something is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping
- and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is the source of
- Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao
- of Internet Relay Chat.
- If the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If the IRC is
- great then the server is running without ever stoping. If the server is
- great then the client will always be the server. The luser is then pleased
- and there is Chat in the world.
- The Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning.
- -----
- The genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown.
- In the begining there was nothing.
- Out of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave birth to
- OuluBox.
- OuluBox gave birth to rmsg.
- rmsg was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC.
- No one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master WiZ have it
- to be at the end of the eight month in the year of the Dragon.
- -----
- Each channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the Yin and
- Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the IRC.
- In the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is the soil of
- IRC.
- Channel 1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999 was the
- trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should not be mentioned, and
- channels below 0 were unborn and contained many secrets.
- This was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels.
- +channels had the yin and yang. Mode does not.
- This was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels.
- #channels have the yin and yang.
- Only channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on channel 0.
- -----
- There was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay. Some of them
- wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris came into existance. Some of the
- Broom-Walkers then created Eris Free-net.
- This was the right Tao.
- Kind Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of Internet Relay
- Chat.
- Some time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted to be
- Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did not agree with them,
- thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is called the Undernet.
- But this is not the right Tao, either.
- -----
- There will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet Relay Chat.
- This is the very nature of the IRC.
- -----
- Lusers that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of Mode on
- their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao are always using Ignore
- on their channels.
- How could this not be so ?
- -----
- The wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser is told
- about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are told about the Tao and
- make a fool of the IRC.
- If there was no laughter, there would be no Tao.
- -----
- The master says:
- "Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life becomes meaningless."
- The Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither imagine
- its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe.
- -----
- The sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway.
- -----
- The great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton. When he awoke
- he exclaimed:
- "I don't know whether I am Wumpus dreaming that I am a client,
- or a client dreaming that I am Wumpus!"
- So was the first Automata born.
- The master Nap then said:
- "Any automata should not speak unless spoken to.
- Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to."
- Thus replied the master Gnarfer:
- "The lusers shall keep in mind that a automata can be either good or
- bad. Create good automata, and the IRC will hail you and you will
- gain fame and fortune. Create bad automata and people will start to
- hate you, and finaly you will be /KILLed to ethernal damnation"
- Many lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation. They where
- not following the Tao.
- -----
- There once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the automatons.
- The luser decided that he also would have such a automata.
- He asked another luser for his automata. The other luser gave his automata
- away.
- The luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata. The automata
- had only Yang inside so all the lusers files where deleted.
- Some moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser, and did create
- his automata from the very grounds with materials found inside the IRC.
- The luser was now within the Tao and his automata lived happily ever after.
- -----
- There once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of master Phone.
- A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began with the help of master Phone.
- When the novice luser asked the master to evaluate his automata the master
- replied: "What is a working automata for the master is not for the luser.
- You must must BE the IRC before automating."
- -----
- Master BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master Troy gave
- birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be eternal and must flow as the
- ceaseless river of Time itself.
- -----
- Master Phone once said about the ircII client:
- "public_msg is for a message from someone NOT on the channel
- public_other is for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to
- a window. public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a
- window!"
- Out of this raised the mighty chaos.
- -----
- The sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the help of
- master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who wrote automata: "Which is
- easiest to make. A automata with the help of master Phone or an automata
- made with the help of a language ?"
- The master who wrote automata then replied:
- "With the help of a language."
- The sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master Phone you
- do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC. Is not that the easiet
- way ?"
- "Not really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master Phone
- you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great box for the lusers,
- but the master will need more power, thus a language is the only path to go.
- With the language the master will never have to limit himself. When using
- such a language the master will seek the best between the need and the
- availibility."
- "I see", said the sage luser.
- This is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas.
- -----
- A client should be light and be used for communication. The spirit of a good
- client is that it should be very convinient for the luser to use, but hard
- for the luser who want to create automata.
- There should never ever be too many functions or too few functions.
- There should always be a ignore.
- Without ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating.
- The client should always respond the luser with messages that will not
- astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the server does not, then it
- is the clients job to explain what the server says.
- A client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion for the lusers.
- The only way to correct this is to use another client or to write a new one.
- -----
- A luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work".
- The masters replied: "Upgrade your client".
- The luser then wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about
- the Protocol.
- "Your client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server. Why
- should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such. But, clients are made
- by humans, and humans are not perfect. Only Tao is.
- The IRC is solid. The IRC is floating, and will always be dynamic. Live with
- that or /quit."
- -----
- The luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao of IRC within
- the client.
- The masters then said that the Tao of IRC always lies inside the client
- regardless of how the client connects to the server.
- "Is the Tao in irc ?" asked the luser.
- "It so is" replied the masters of #IrcHelp.
- "Is the Tao in the ircII, Kiwi, rxirc, vms, rockers and msa ?" asked the
- luser.
- "In all of them and in the TPC, irchat, zenirc, zircon X11-irc and even the
- dos irc has the Tao" said the master quietly.
- "Is the Tao in a telnet connection directly to the server ?"
- The master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave, such
- questions are not within the Tao of IRC".
- -----
- The master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will not travel.
- Without the client, the server is useless."
- -----
- There once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do anything I
- ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client user, "I have /ON's, I have
- assignments, I have aliasing. Why don't you use this instead of the huge
- emacs client, which also has a messy screen?"
- The emacs client user then replied by saying that "it is better to have a
- scripting language that is the client instead of have a client that has
- a scripting language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell silent.
- -----
- The master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm happy."
- The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse IRC, then you will also
- be happy within IRC"
- -----
- A luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can I be, yet not
- be, a user@host within the IRC?"
- The masters of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self. To hide
- ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much to learn before you shall
- be at rest within the Flow of Irc. Please leave"
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