Harpoon (2019)

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Subtitles by explosiveskull

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OK, cool.

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One more time.

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OK, right.

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OK.

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<i>Aristotle said there
are three types of friendship.</i>

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<i>The first is
friendship of utility,</i>

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<i>which happens
between you and someone</i>

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<i>who's useful to you in some wa,
like a co-worker.</i>

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<i>The second is friendship of
pleasure, which occurs when two</i>

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<i>or more people just enjoy
one another's company.</i>

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<i>This can be a simple,
natural comradery,</i>

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<i>or even a
(censored) buddy.</i>

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<i>And the third,
called friendship of the good,</i>

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<i>is built on pure mutual
respect and admiration.</i>

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<i>Slower to develop,
but more enduring,</i>

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<i>it's the best
friend type stuff.</i>

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<i>I'm not saying I know more
than Aristotle, but I'd like to</i>

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<i>propose that there are
other types of friendship.</i>

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<i>One in particular I call
friendship of history.</i>

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<i>You were close
friends with someone,</i>

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<i>grew in different directions,
to be different people,</i>

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<i>but still act close,
just, well, because.</i>

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<i>It's just like seeing
a person wearing a</i>

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<i>life jacket in
the supermarket.</i>

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<i>You might ask, hey, why
are you wearing that?</i>

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<i>The other replies, because
I was on a boat yesterday.</i>

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<i>This is Jonah,
those are his parents,</i>

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<i>and that was the best
picture taken that day.</i>

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<i>Tortured by their
constant judgement</i>

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<i>and unrealistic expectations,
their relationship was</i>

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<i>complicated.</i>

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<i>Jonah even once saved for an
entire year, sending them on a</i>

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<i>tour of wine country in an
attempt to win their approval,</i>

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<i>but as usual,
things didn't work out for him,</i>

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<i>and on their way to the last
vineyard an oncoming motorist</i>

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00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:06,725
<i>collided with them, and both
parents died in a fiery wreck.</i>

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<i>After the funeral, Jonah learnd
his parents were in severe deb,</i>

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<i>when the banks repossessed ther
house and most of their saving.</i>

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00:03:13,265 --> 00:03:15,934
<i>Confused, Jonah spent what
little money was left on a</i>

41
00:03:15,936 --> 00:03:20,271
<i>prostitute named Jolene,
whom he didn't (censored),</i>

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00:03:20,273 --> 00:03:22,140
<i>but kept awake
all night talking,</i>

43
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<i>before she
eventually robbed him.</i>

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What up?

45
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Are you home?

46
00:03:31,518 --> 00:03:34,017
No, just organizing shit
at my parents' place, why?

47
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Cool if
I stop by?

48
00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:37,287
Why are you calling
instead of texting?

49
00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:39,991
Just in
the area.

50
00:03:39,993 --> 00:03:41,760
Alright,
see you soon.

51
00:03:45,198 --> 00:03:51,435
Stupid, muthafucking, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

52
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Ahhhhh!

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<i>This is Jonah's
best friend, Richard,</i>

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00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:57,809
<i>and his upbringing
was nearly the opposite.</i>

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<i>Close with his father and raisd
in a household many would</i>

56
00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:04,349
<i>consider affluent, Richard
was, as you can clearly see,</i>

57
00:04:04,351 --> 00:04:06,917
<i>used to things
going in a certain way.</i>

58
00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:09,320
<i>His bank account has
over six figures in it, which</i>

59
00:04:09,322 --> 00:04:12,991
<i>he enjoyed spending lavishly
on his two best friends,</i>

60
00:04:12,993 --> 00:04:14,458
<i>but just
like his father,</i>

61
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<i>Richard is prone
to fits of rage,</i>

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<i>and one time threw his laptop
into his flat screen TV,</i>

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00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:23,201
<i>all because he
couldn't remember the</i>

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<i>password to his
own email account.</i>

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<i>Stupid motherfucker!</i>

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Hey.

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What the hell
are you doing?

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Fucking.

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Richard!
Richard!

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What are
you doing?

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<i>And this is Richard's
long term partner, Sacha.</i>

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<i>She grew up in a military house
who disapproved of the lavish</i>

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<i>lifestyle Richard
provided her with,</i>

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<i>especially her hot pink sports
car she named Ziggy Cardust.</i>

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00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:20,859
<i>Speaking of cars, she was oncea
witness in a hit and run case,</i>

76
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<i>but failed to show in court whn
Richard and Jonah convinced her</i>

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<i>to get
drunk instead.</i>

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<i>But the accident did
inspire her to attend,</i>

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<i>and graduate from
nursing school,</i>

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<i>where she now spends her
days providing physical</i>

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00:05:33,138 --> 00:05:36,073
<i>and emotional care at a
nearby retirement home,</i>

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<i>and the evenings and weekends
pretty much doing the same thig</i>

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<i>for these two.</i>

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Richard.

85
00:05:42,549 --> 00:05:43,581
Get off!

86
00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,482
Richard, stop!

87
00:05:45,484 --> 00:05:47,451
Richard!

88
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Stop it!

89
00:05:49,188 --> 00:05:51,021
Get off him.

90
00:05:56,662 --> 00:05:58,595
Uh oh.

91
00:06:04,604 --> 00:06:06,905
Just,
how could you?

92
00:06:06,907 --> 00:06:08,038
How could
I what?

93
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,073
Don't fucking
lie to me!

94
00:06:09,075 --> 00:06:10,441
Stop!

95
00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:11,943
I saw
the texts.

96
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What texts?

97
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The ones.

98
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:20,684
The ones, oh, it
was such a mistake.

99
00:06:20,686 --> 00:06:23,655
How could you
fuck her, dude?

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You are way out
of line right now.

101
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You two
just stay here.

102
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I'm gonna get
something from the car.

103
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This kitchen
is fucked.

104
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What's this?

105
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I didn't have time
to wrap it yet.

106
00:07:01,527 --> 00:07:04,194
Happy early
birthday, a-hole.

107
00:07:04,196 --> 00:07:05,196
Huh?

108
00:07:05,198 --> 00:07:07,264
You think those texts
were from us fucking?

109
00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:09,232
It started off as a joke,
we convinced ourselves

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00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:10,634
to buy you this
stupid thing.

111
00:07:10,636 --> 00:07:12,502
It's got a
mahogany stock.

112
00:07:12,504 --> 00:07:15,973
So the texts you read that say
that night was such a mistake,

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00:07:15,975 --> 00:07:17,641
ha ha,
totally worth it though,

114
00:07:17,643 --> 00:07:20,110
and I guess as long
as he doesn't find out,

115
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that was just us talking about
buying you a damn harpoon,

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for your
birthday.

117
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Spear gun.

118
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Whatever.

119
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So,
you didn't?

120
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Oh no.

121
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<i>And with that, just
like they always did,</i>

122
00:07:56,448 --> 00:08:00,350
<i>our trio returned to
their instinctual roles,</i>

123
00:08:00,352 --> 00:08:02,552
<i>Richard begging for
forgiveness for his latest</i>

124
00:08:02,554 --> 00:08:05,655
<i>and all too
often fits of rage,</i>

125
00:08:05,657 --> 00:08:07,525
<i>Jonah retreating
inside himself,</i>

126
00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:11,328
<i>reinforcing his beliefs that
the world is out to get him,</i>

127
00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:14,198
<i>and Sacha continuing
to play her role</i>

128
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:18,169
<i>as girlfriend,
mother and referee.</i>

129
00:08:18,171 --> 00:08:19,670
<i>And while he
could have said sorry</i>

130
00:08:19,672 --> 00:08:23,573
<i>with even more
luxury items,</i>

131
00:08:23,575 --> 00:08:28,045
<i>Richard decided today
needed to be a special apology,</i>

132
00:08:28,047 --> 00:08:34,051
<i>by taking them out for one of
the group's favorite activitie.</i>

133
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A little help.

134
00:09:09,154 --> 00:09:10,790
Please.

135
00:09:23,635 --> 00:09:26,237
Alright.

136
00:09:26,239 --> 00:09:28,506
Look,
I'm trying, alright?

137
00:09:28,508 --> 00:09:29,506
Look at
my face.

138
00:09:29,508 --> 00:09:30,641
Look at
his face.

139
00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:32,109
OK, hey,
let's make a deal,

140
00:09:32,111 --> 00:09:35,279
I grovel and pamper you
guys unconditionally,

141
00:09:35,281 --> 00:09:38,716
and you just try to remember a
time before I went ape shit.

142
00:09:38,718 --> 00:09:39,784
I want
a free punch.

143
00:09:39,786 --> 00:09:40,818
Yes, deal.

144
00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:42,120
Punch where?

145
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:43,187
I like this,
this plan makes sense.

146
00:09:43,189 --> 00:09:44,255
No, it doesn't.

147
00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:45,758
I want
reparations.

148
00:09:48,427 --> 00:09:49,526
Even Steven.

149
00:09:49,528 --> 00:09:54,832
Exactly.

150
00:09:54,834 --> 00:09:56,133
Not the balls.

151
00:09:56,135 --> 00:09:57,168
Please,
the balls.

152
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,269
Not the balls!

153
00:09:58,271 --> 00:09:59,270
Stay
out of it.

154
00:09:59,272 --> 00:10:00,304
Why are you
encouraging this?

155
00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:01,372
What if my nose
needs surgery?

156
00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:02,305
You could have a deviated
septum, causing irregular

157
00:10:02,307 --> 00:10:03,406
sleep patterns and
long term health issues.

158
00:10:03,408 --> 00:10:04,876
For fucks sakes, just punch
me and shut the fuck up.

159
00:10:04,878 --> 00:10:05,944
Deal.

160
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:07,812
But only one punch,
and then, then you'll chill.

161
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:08,846
Fine.

162
00:10:08,848 --> 00:10:10,147
Both of you.

163
00:10:10,149 --> 00:10:11,281
No, this
doesn't involve me.

164
00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:12,349
What if I
let you punch me?

165
00:10:12,351 --> 00:10:13,483
You know
where I'm going.

166
00:10:13,485 --> 00:10:14,684
I said
no balls.

167
00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:17,588
No dice, I'd just as easily
go get day drunk somewhere.

168
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:21,291
Fine, but just remember, it
behooves you to avoid these guys

169
00:10:21,293 --> 00:10:23,294
if you ever want
little Richards one day.

170
00:10:23,296 --> 00:10:24,495
Excuse me.

171
00:10:24,497 --> 00:10:28,165
Wait, no wait, afterwards,
that's it then, it's squashed.

172
00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:34,639
I don't want to hear another
word about this shit again.

173
00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:35,705
Alright.

174
00:10:35,707 --> 00:10:36,841
Alright.

175
00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:37,875
Fuck it,
let's do it.

176
00:10:37,877 --> 00:10:39,176
Hands
behind your head.

177
00:10:39,178 --> 00:10:40,578
No, no, actually,
behind your back.

178
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:42,413
You're gonna
want those fingers.

179
00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:44,714
And eyes shut, I don't want you
anticipating where it's going.

180
00:10:44,716 --> 00:10:45,782
That's good.

181
00:10:45,784 --> 00:10:46,851
Stop squirming.

182
00:10:46,853 --> 00:10:47,919
You ready?

183
00:10:47,921 --> 00:10:49,187
Yeah,
I'm fucking ready.

184
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:50,253
Give it to him.

185
00:10:50,255 --> 00:10:51,322
Alright,
you know what.

186
00:10:51,324 --> 00:10:52,756
What?

187
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:54,357
It's alright.

188
00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:55,458
Ha ha.

189
00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:56,626
Fuck,
my wrist.

190
00:10:56,628 --> 00:10:57,627
Serves you right.

191
00:10:57,629 --> 00:10:58,762
Just making sure you
wouldn't get a concussion

192
00:10:58,764 --> 00:10:59,731
you
fucking asshole.

193
00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:01,598
A punch like that, I
doubt you could anyways.

194
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,766
You got fire
in your hands.

195
00:11:02,768 --> 00:11:04,569
Oh, dude,
she can chuck bombs.

196
00:11:04,571 --> 00:11:06,503
Okeydoke, right here
where you were before.

197
00:11:06,505 --> 00:11:09,473
Arms behind your back,
please, thank you.

198
00:11:09,475 --> 00:11:10,641
Stop
moving around.

199
00:11:10,643 --> 00:11:12,609
Hey, no, hey, hey, hey, just
remember, it behooves you.

200
00:11:12,611 --> 00:11:14,612
Stop saying behooves
and uncross those legs.

201
00:11:14,614 --> 00:11:16,514
Stand up, and
take it like a man.

202
00:11:16,516 --> 00:11:17,714
Come on you little bitch,
close your eyes.

203
00:11:17,716 --> 00:11:18,782
We made a deal.

204
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:19,849
I know but.

205
00:11:19,851 --> 00:11:20,718
Just close
your eyes.

206
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,219
She can't punch
that hard, can she?

207
00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:23,453
Yeah.

208
00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:24,655
Oh.

209
00:11:24,657 --> 00:11:26,490
Oh.

210
00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:27,857
Almost threw
up right there.

211
00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:30,461
Oh.

212
00:11:30,463 --> 00:11:33,363
Are you sorry?

213
00:11:33,365 --> 00:11:35,234
For everything?

214
00:11:44,377 --> 00:11:45,642
Really?

215
00:11:45,644 --> 00:11:48,511
Really.

216
00:13:31,783 --> 00:13:33,483
Can't breathe out
of my left nostril.

217
00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:35,886
For all I know I could
be bleeding out inside.

218
00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:37,487
Like, the Houdini.

219
00:13:37,489 --> 00:13:38,789
He died from
taking a punch.

220
00:13:42,394 --> 00:13:43,794
You think someone
could swim that far?

221
00:13:43,796 --> 00:13:47,066
Not a fucking
chance, too far.

222
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:55,705
Hey, can I ask
you something?

223
00:13:55,707 --> 00:13:58,409
Shoot.

224
00:13:58,411 --> 00:14:01,911
What made you think we
were messing around?

225
00:14:01,913 --> 00:14:03,848
I know it wasn't
just the texts.

226
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:04,948
You wouldn't just
jump to that conclusion

227
00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:08,651
without something
else first.

228
00:14:08,653 --> 00:14:11,789
Sometimes,

229
00:14:11,791 --> 00:14:14,024
sometimes it feels
like you care about her

230
00:14:14,026 --> 00:14:17,030
the way that I
care about her.

231
00:14:24,704 --> 00:14:26,937
Without sounding
like a prick.

232
00:14:26,939 --> 00:14:28,072
You're gonna
sound like a.

233
00:14:28,074 --> 00:14:31,708
When are you gonna
stop fucking around?

234
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:36,747
Look, I know you don't
like me bringing it up,

235
00:14:36,749 --> 00:14:41,419
but you saw what kind of
trouble you caused last year.

236
00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:44,954
I appreciate your concern, but
until you're in a relationship

237
00:14:44,956 --> 00:14:48,092
longer than three months,
don't give me advice.

238
00:14:48,094 --> 00:14:49,426
I don't
with you.

239
00:14:49,428 --> 00:14:50,961
You do,
actually.

240
00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:52,729
I just try and tell you
how to keep them around,

241
00:14:52,731 --> 00:14:54,531
so you can stop
fucking prostitutes.

242
00:14:54,533 --> 00:14:55,833
Once.

243
00:14:55,835 --> 00:14:58,705
Still man.

244
00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:09,947
A couple weeks back you guys got
into it at my place, remember?

245
00:15:09,949 --> 00:15:13,851
What was
that all about?

246
00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:17,454
Um,
I don't know.

247
00:15:17,456 --> 00:15:21,692
I don't really remember,
but it must not have been

248
00:15:21,694 --> 00:15:22,859
a big deal
or anything.

249
00:15:22,861 --> 00:15:23,727
The fuck you
talking about?

250
00:15:23,729 --> 00:15:24,761
You two were steaming
from the ears.

251
00:15:24,763 --> 00:15:27,497
Well, she was probably
just venting about your

252
00:15:27,499 --> 00:15:29,732
extra-curricular
activities.

253
00:15:29,734 --> 00:15:31,071
What did
you say?

254
00:15:33,672 --> 00:15:36,173
Well,

255
00:15:36,175 --> 00:15:41,178
nothing about
what happened.

256
00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:44,615
OK, look, there's this quote,
and it's something to the effect

257
00:15:44,617 --> 00:15:53,693
of we accuse people of doing
things that we do ourselves.

258
00:16:13,579 --> 00:16:16,847
How do
I look?

259
00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:17,915
Like
an idiot.

260
00:16:17,917 --> 00:16:19,650
That sounds
about right.

261
00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:20,784
Let's try
this thing out.

262
00:16:20,786 --> 00:16:21,952
Do I
have a choice?

263
00:16:21,954 --> 00:16:23,920
Come on, it all started
'cause of this fucking thing.

264
00:16:23,922 --> 00:16:26,055
Alright, go.

265
00:16:26,057 --> 00:16:29,693
Uno,
deuce, tre.

266
00:16:29,695 --> 00:16:31,529
Happy birthday.

267
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:35,031
Now,
give me back my sun.

268
00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:36,633
I got something!

269
00:16:36,635 --> 00:16:40,069
Nice.

270
00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:45,809
Hey,
are we good?

271
00:16:45,811 --> 00:16:48,681
Yeah,
we're good.

272
00:16:55,153 --> 00:16:58,988
You know, a couple weeks back
when you and Jonah got into it

273
00:16:58,990 --> 00:17:03,694
at my place, I think that's
where I started to get it into

274
00:17:03,696 --> 00:17:07,231
my head that something was
going on, so sorry about that.

275
00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:09,567
I said
we're good.

276
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:12,202
What were you guys even
fighting about, anyway?

277
00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:14,104
I don't know, probably
that stupid thing.

278
00:17:14,106 --> 00:17:17,907
Didn't have
anything to do with us?

279
00:17:17,909 --> 00:17:18,876
Huh?

280
00:17:18,878 --> 00:17:21,278
You know, what's been
going on between us.

281
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,981
No, we don't talk
about that shit.

282
00:17:23,983 --> 00:17:29,289
We were just arguing
about your gift.

283
00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:34,892
Hey, check
this bitch out!

284
00:17:55,348 --> 00:17:56,614
Hey.

285
00:17:56,616 --> 00:17:59,617
Huh?

286
00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:04,621
You're lurking.

287
00:18:04,623 --> 00:18:06,624
I'm fine.

288
00:19:00,946 --> 00:19:02,245
You got three
seconds to tell me

289
00:19:02,247 --> 00:19:03,681
what the fuck
is going on.

290
00:19:03,683 --> 00:19:04,748
Listen.

291
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,015
One.

292
00:19:06,017 --> 00:19:07,084
Man,
nothing is going on.

293
00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:08,152
Two.

294
00:19:08,154 --> 00:19:09,185
Richard, please.

295
00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:10,956
Three.

296
00:19:15,226 --> 00:19:19,328
He figured it
out, didn't he.

297
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,098
Uh oh.

298
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,133
He asked me about the
night we were fighting.

299
00:19:23,135 --> 00:19:24,401
What the fuck did
you say to him?

300
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:27,370
I don't know, I just said it was
something about your guys' shit.

301
00:19:27,372 --> 00:19:28,371
What the
fuck, Jay?

302
00:19:28,373 --> 00:19:30,741
I don't know, it just
kind of fucking came up.

303
00:19:30,743 --> 00:19:32,842
He was gonna shoot
you with the harpoon.

304
00:19:32,844 --> 00:19:33,976
Spear gun.

305
00:19:33,978 --> 00:19:34,978
Whatever.

306
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:36,113
No, no,
he wouldn't shoot.

307
00:19:36,115 --> 00:19:37,146
Look at
your face.

308
00:19:37,148 --> 00:19:38,348
Fuck your
fucking face.

309
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,250
Ahhh!

310
00:19:45,224 --> 00:19:47,424
How could you?

311
00:19:47,426 --> 00:19:48,858
Which part?

312
00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:04,007
Not the balls.

313
00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,242
Fuck!

314
00:20:06,244 --> 00:20:09,378
Oh fuck!

315
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:11,080
Oh fuck!

316
00:20:11,082 --> 00:20:14,283
You were gonna fucking
kill me, you fuck.

317
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:18,454
Help.

318
00:20:18,456 --> 00:20:19,757
Help.

319
00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:20,790
Help
somebody please.

320
00:20:22,394 --> 00:20:24,293
Stop!

321
00:20:31,971 --> 00:20:36,106
Stop!

322
00:20:36,108 --> 00:20:37,540
Why him?

323
00:20:37,542 --> 00:20:41,043
Why him?

324
00:20:58,062 --> 00:20:59,930
Holy fuck.

325
00:21:07,106 --> 00:21:09,405
He wakes up again,
we're fucking dead.

326
00:21:09,407 --> 00:21:10,941
If he doesn't kill
us, his dad will.

327
00:21:10,943 --> 00:21:12,408
No way, I've known
him for too long.

328
00:21:12,410 --> 00:21:14,511
Jay!

329
00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:19,817
<i>Richard's father is the reason
for his six figure bank accoun,</i>

330
00:21:19,819 --> 00:21:22,953
<i>and the source of his violent
temper, so while I wish I could</i>

331
00:21:22,955 --> 00:21:26,155
<i>give you an example of somethig
nice he's done for someone els,</i>

332
00:21:26,157 --> 00:21:30,493
<i>the only story that comes
to mind goes as follows:</i>

333
00:21:30,495 --> 00:21:32,261
<i>Years back it
came to light that</i>

334
00:21:32,263 --> 00:21:34,865
<i>Richard's first grade
teacher was, let's say,</i>

335
00:21:34,867 --> 00:21:37,501
<i>being inappropriate
with students.</i>

336
00:21:37,503 --> 00:21:40,870
<i>A few weeks later, as the schol
conducted a full investigation,</i>

337
00:21:40,872 --> 00:21:43,840
<i>the teacher
suddenly disappeared,</i>

338
00:21:43,842 --> 00:21:46,242
<i>which also happened to
coincide with Richard's father</i>

339
00:21:46,244 --> 00:21:48,444
<i>and a few of his
rougher colleagues,</i>

340
00:21:48,446 --> 00:21:56,953
<i>taking a road trip
that very same weekend.</i>

341
00:21:56,955 --> 00:21:58,155
Fuck.

342
00:21:58,157 --> 00:21:59,857
We'll say
the truth.

343
00:21:59,859 --> 00:22:01,992
We went fishing, he found out
we were sleeping together.

344
00:22:01,994 --> 00:22:04,994
Slept.

345
00:22:04,996 --> 00:22:08,264
Sorry, you
know what I mean.

346
00:22:08,266 --> 00:22:09,899
No, no,
exactly.

347
00:22:09,901 --> 00:22:12,469
He found out we slept together,
he came after us,

348
00:22:12,471 --> 00:22:13,537
a fight
ensued and.

349
00:22:13,539 --> 00:22:16,009
Jay!

350
00:22:19,278 --> 00:22:21,310
Fuck.

351
00:22:24,949 --> 00:22:27,550
Oh man, it doesn't
seem safe to me,

352
00:22:27,552 --> 00:22:31,888
but if you insist on resting
right there, by all means.

353
00:22:31,890 --> 00:22:34,023
What?

354
00:22:34,025 --> 00:22:36,894
This way if they hook
us up to one of those

355
00:22:36,896 --> 00:22:38,561
lie detector things,
we can say he fell off,

356
00:22:38,563 --> 00:22:42,301
and the machine won't go
off like the fourth of July.

357
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:50,406
Although, his dad's still
gonna fucking kill me.

358
00:22:50,408 --> 00:22:53,178
At least you'll be
in the clear, though.

359
00:22:57,182 --> 00:23:01,251
He has eighty thousand
in a safe in his closet.

360
00:23:01,253 --> 00:23:04,221
His dad gives him ten
grand cash every Christmas.

361
00:23:04,223 --> 00:23:07,926
The combination is the last four
digits of his phone number.

362
00:23:15,134 --> 00:23:19,001
Come on,
you fuck.

363
00:23:19,003 --> 00:23:24,444
Here,
try this.

364
00:23:25,644 --> 00:23:27,444
Seriously?

365
00:23:27,446 --> 00:23:28,611
What?

366
00:23:28,613 --> 00:23:30,414
Just a
little exercising.

367
00:23:30,416 --> 00:23:34,384
Come on,
the lie detector.

368
00:23:34,386 --> 00:23:39,723
Yeah, just getting in a little
bit of exercising, that's all.

369
00:23:39,725 --> 00:23:41,090
Don't even
look at him.

370
00:23:41,092 --> 00:23:46,495
Taking
the d off.

371
00:23:46,497 --> 00:23:47,431
Yeah.

372
00:23:47,433 --> 00:23:52,668
Gotta make sure you
get your squats in.

373
00:23:52,670 --> 00:23:55,340
There we go.

374
00:24:24,669 --> 00:24:28,538
How's this fit into
the lie detector?

375
00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:30,607
You two were gonna
fucking drown me?

376
00:24:30,609 --> 00:24:31,607
Hey, you tried
to kill us first.

377
00:24:31,609 --> 00:24:34,411
I wasn't gonna hurt you,
you dick, what the fuck?

378
00:24:34,413 --> 00:24:35,712
You had the
harpoon aimed at him.

379
00:24:35,714 --> 00:24:37,013
Spear gun.

380
00:24:37,015 --> 00:24:38,682
You fucking
waved that at me.

381
00:24:38,684 --> 00:24:39,549
You
strangled me.

382
00:24:39,551 --> 00:24:41,050
It doesn't matter anyway,
because you,

383
00:24:41,052 --> 00:24:42,452
you're in
the water.

384
00:24:42,454 --> 00:24:43,720
What the fuck,
you pushed me.

385
00:24:43,722 --> 00:24:45,722
No, no,
actually I didn't.

386
00:24:45,724 --> 00:24:50,626
You rolled in when you
were drunk and confessed.

387
00:24:50,628 --> 00:24:52,428
I don't
think so pal.

388
00:24:52,430 --> 00:24:53,562
Fuck you.

389
00:24:53,564 --> 00:24:55,565
Fuck you,
you cheating bitch.

390
00:24:55,567 --> 00:24:56,732
Hey,
you did it first.

391
00:24:56,734 --> 00:24:58,068
That was
a year ago.

392
00:24:58,070 --> 00:24:59,269
Come on, Jay,
we're out of here.

393
00:24:59,271 --> 00:25:00,302
Wait.

394
00:25:00,304 --> 00:25:01,437
Fuck off.

395
00:25:01,439 --> 00:25:02,438
Fuck, fuck.

396
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,707
See you
later, pal.

397
00:25:04,709 --> 00:25:07,679
She can't drive the
boat worth shit anyway.

398
00:25:15,353 --> 00:25:19,688
What?

399
00:25:19,690 --> 00:25:20,790
Uh oh.

400
00:25:20,792 --> 00:25:23,659
Ha ha,
looking for these?

401
00:25:23,661 --> 00:25:24,728
Give me those.

402
00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:25,796
Give them back.

403
00:25:25,798 --> 00:25:27,063
Fuck you.

404
00:25:27,065 --> 00:25:28,130
Where the fuck
are you going?

405
00:25:28,132 --> 00:25:29,098
Swimming
this way.

406
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:30,332
Get back here,
I will shoot you right now.

407
00:25:30,334 --> 00:25:31,367
Shoot me.

408
00:25:31,369 --> 00:25:33,336
I'll drop the
keys, fucker.

409
00:25:33,338 --> 00:25:34,471
Get back in
the fucking boat.

410
00:25:34,473 --> 00:25:36,072
What are you gonna
do, drown yourself?

411
00:25:36,074 --> 00:25:37,741
Apparently I was
gonna drown anyway,

412
00:25:37,743 --> 00:25:39,643
might as well take
you fucks with me.

413
00:25:39,645 --> 00:25:42,712
Get back in the
fucking boat, Richard.

414
00:25:42,714 --> 00:25:44,347
We need to
make a better deal.

415
00:25:44,349 --> 00:25:46,715
What deal?

416
00:25:46,717 --> 00:25:50,619
We need to promise not
to kill each other.

417
00:25:50,621 --> 00:25:55,625
What I want to see is guys
take every weapon on the boat,

418
00:25:55,627 --> 00:25:57,359
chuck
it overboard.

419
00:25:57,361 --> 00:26:01,530
That's the spear gun,
the club, the cutlery.

420
00:26:01,532 --> 00:26:04,401
The glass bottles,
the flares, the oars, fishes.

421
00:26:04,403 --> 00:26:06,502
fucking everything.

422
00:26:06,504 --> 00:26:09,271
Once I'm convinced that
there's nothing on there

423
00:26:09,273 --> 00:26:10,807
that you guys can
use against me.

424
00:26:10,809 --> 00:26:11,875
Or you could
use against us.

425
00:26:11,877 --> 00:26:17,313
Then, and only then, I
will swim back, and we'll,

426
00:26:17,315 --> 00:26:19,816
we'll
just go home.

427
00:26:19,818 --> 00:26:21,417
And once we're back?

428
00:26:21,419 --> 00:26:24,253
As far as I'm concerned,
I don't want to see

429
00:26:24,255 --> 00:26:25,856
either of you two
sacks of shit ever again.

430
00:26:25,858 --> 00:26:27,124
You won't
call the cops?

431
00:26:27,126 --> 00:26:28,258
Or tell
your dad?

432
00:26:28,260 --> 00:26:31,127
No cops,
no dad.

433
00:26:35,266 --> 00:26:39,368
Don't think too long, this
key is feeling pretty heavy.

434
00:27:04,163 --> 00:27:07,297
The fish, get that
big ass fish out here.

435
00:27:11,936 --> 00:27:13,203
Happy?

436
00:27:13,205 --> 00:27:14,838
Now get back in
the fucking boat.

437
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,839
What about
the nine iron?

438
00:27:29,788 --> 00:27:31,555
Sacha.

439
00:27:31,557 --> 00:27:33,190
He getting it?

440
00:27:33,192 --> 00:27:34,223
I think so.

441
00:27:34,225 --> 00:27:35,291
It's underneath
the stairs.

442
00:27:35,293 --> 00:27:36,659
No,
it's not.

443
00:27:36,661 --> 00:27:37,927
It's down
there somewhere.

444
00:27:37,929 --> 00:27:40,329
I'm looking with
one fucking hand.

445
00:27:40,331 --> 00:27:43,666
It's a golf club
for Christ's sake.

446
00:27:43,668 --> 00:27:45,467
Hey, Sacha,
where are you going?

447
00:27:48,407 --> 00:27:49,472
He needs
my help.

448
00:27:49,474 --> 00:27:50,440
I need her
help finding it.

449
00:27:50,442 --> 00:27:53,210
He doesn't need shit,
you're staying here.

450
00:28:01,852 --> 00:28:04,486
Lovely day, huh?

451
00:28:04,488 --> 00:28:06,525
I got it.

452
00:28:11,495 --> 00:28:12,896
There.

453
00:28:12,898 --> 00:28:16,899
That's it, now get back
in the fucking boat.

454
00:28:16,901 --> 00:28:17,967
Suck a dick.

455
00:28:17,969 --> 00:28:18,903
Get in the
fucking boat.

456
00:28:18,905 --> 00:28:23,906
There's nothing left
on the fucking boat.

457
00:28:28,379 --> 00:28:29,479
Fuck off.

458
00:28:29,481 --> 00:28:31,548
Get the fuck up
there, let's go.

459
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,532
No, other side,
let's go.

460
00:28:57,542 --> 00:28:58,607
Let me see.

461
00:28:58,609 --> 00:28:59,475
He'll be fine.

462
00:28:59,477 --> 00:29:01,677
We'll worry about it
when we get back.

463
00:29:22,033 --> 00:29:24,603
What?

464
00:29:26,972 --> 00:29:29,004
Are you
kidding me?

465
00:29:29,006 --> 00:29:33,976
Please tell me
you're kidding me.

466
00:29:35,914 --> 00:29:37,946
Coast Guard one.

467
00:29:37,948 --> 00:29:40,849
Coast Guard one.

468
00:29:40,851 --> 00:29:41,917
Coast Guard one.

469
00:29:41,919 --> 00:29:42,853
Coast Guard one.

470
00:29:42,855 --> 00:29:49,792
This is the pleasure
vessel Naughty Buoy.

471
00:29:49,794 --> 00:29:53,463
Coast Guard one.

472
00:29:53,465 --> 00:29:57,000
Coast Guard one.

473
00:29:57,002 --> 00:29:58,835
Coast Guard one.

474
00:29:58,837 --> 00:29:59,903
Coast Guard one,
do you hear me?

475
00:29:59,905 --> 00:30:02,105
Did you try all the
stations, turning the dials.

476
00:30:02,107 --> 00:30:04,007
Well that explains why you spent
four years in school

477
00:30:04,009 --> 00:30:06,475
becoming a glorified
butt wiper, doesn't it?

478
00:30:06,477 --> 00:30:09,913
OK, I obviously
do more than that.

479
00:30:09,915 --> 00:30:11,915
Coast Guard one.

480
00:30:11,917 --> 00:30:13,817
Hello?

481
00:30:13,819 --> 00:30:18,922
Can anyone save me
from these two pricks?

482
00:30:18,924 --> 00:30:19,990
You two.

483
00:30:19,992 --> 00:30:23,393
You two are real pieces
of work, you know that?

484
00:30:23,395 --> 00:30:25,861
I can't believe I let you
convince me that I was such

485
00:30:25,863 --> 00:30:27,763
a prick that I
deserved punches.

486
00:30:27,765 --> 00:30:28,798
Don't even.

487
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,867
No,
this isn't right.

488
00:30:31,869 --> 00:30:34,937
I want reparations,
I deserve reparations.

489
00:30:34,939 --> 00:30:36,039
We said
no killing.

490
00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:36,906
I'm talking
Even Steven.

491
00:30:36,908 --> 00:30:38,774
You beat me up,
I punched you back.

492
00:30:38,776 --> 00:30:40,909
I beat your ass because
you fucked my girlfriend.

493
00:30:40,911 --> 00:30:42,511
And then you punched
me off the boat.

494
00:30:42,513 --> 00:30:44,012
After she hit me
with the bottle.

495
00:30:44,014 --> 00:30:45,080
And then you shot
me in the hand.

496
00:30:45,082 --> 00:30:46,782
No, she shot you
through the hand.

497
00:30:46,784 --> 00:30:49,085
How is
this helping?

498
00:30:49,087 --> 00:30:51,421
Well it certainly looked like it
helped you after slapping me.

499
00:30:51,423 --> 00:30:52,521
You want to
punch me, Richard?

500
00:30:52,523 --> 00:30:55,093
You damn
right I do.

501
00:31:02,667 --> 00:31:06,403
You two knowingly made me feel
like such a piece of shit

502
00:31:06,405 --> 00:31:09,505
that I volunteered
for free punches.

503
00:31:09,507 --> 00:31:11,407
And then
you willingly,

504
00:31:11,409 --> 00:31:15,811
no wait, you gleefully
went along with it.

505
00:31:15,813 --> 00:31:18,848
What kind of scumbags
do that, huh?

506
00:31:18,850 --> 00:31:21,520
Huh?

507
00:31:26,690 --> 00:31:27,757
Put your hand
on the table.

508
00:31:27,759 --> 00:31:28,825
What?

509
00:31:28,827 --> 00:31:33,562
Put your hand on
the fucking table.

510
00:31:33,564 --> 00:31:35,598
When you got
busted this morning,

511
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,534
you could have been
a man about it, huh?

512
00:31:38,536 --> 00:31:43,572
But you decided to
take the bitch route.

513
00:31:43,574 --> 00:31:46,077
Time to
make up for it.

514
00:31:58,657 --> 00:32:00,456
Oh.

515
00:32:00,458 --> 00:32:02,192
Other hand.

516
00:32:02,194 --> 00:32:03,460
Richard.

517
00:32:03,462 --> 00:32:04,726
Shut up.

518
00:32:04,728 --> 00:32:07,132
Other hand.

519
00:32:12,137 --> 00:32:14,937
OK, look.

520
00:32:14,939 --> 00:32:16,004
Fuck.

521
00:32:16,006 --> 00:32:17,072
Stand up.

522
00:32:17,074 --> 00:32:18,140
Richard,
I swear to God.

523
00:32:18,142 --> 00:32:19,174
It's fine, Jay.

524
00:32:19,176 --> 00:32:20,476
You owe me.

525
00:32:20,478 --> 00:32:21,511
I don't
owe you shit.

526
00:32:21,513 --> 00:32:22,611
- No?
- No.

527
00:32:22,613 --> 00:32:23,646
How's
that now?

528
00:32:23,648 --> 00:32:24,681
This is
just karma.

529
00:32:24,683 --> 00:32:25,915
Oh, so you fucked him
to get back at me, huh?

530
00:32:25,917 --> 00:32:31,020
It wouldn't even come close to
what you've put me through.

531
00:32:31,022 --> 00:32:32,621
Jay.

532
00:32:32,623 --> 00:32:36,158
He tell you
what happened?

533
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,863
It wasn't just that
Richard was fucking his ex.

534
00:32:39,865 --> 00:32:43,199
No, she showed up at
the door, pregnant.

535
00:32:43,201 --> 00:32:46,101
And as if that wasn't enough,
she wants to keep the baby,

536
00:32:46,103 --> 00:32:49,905
be a part of the family, have a
little bit of daddy's money.

537
00:32:49,907 --> 00:32:52,709
But instead I let
this asshole convince me

538
00:32:52,711 --> 00:32:54,777
that it was
just a big mistake.

539
00:32:54,779 --> 00:32:57,914
His last big mistake,
and that he would talk to her,

540
00:32:57,916 --> 00:33:02,551
and convince her to
have an abortion.

541
00:33:02,553 --> 00:33:07,790
And then a month later I see
in the paper and on the news,

542
00:33:07,792 --> 00:33:10,792
pregnant girl Melissa
Fairfax stabbed to death.

543
00:33:10,794 --> 00:33:12,095
I told you a million
times, we didn't.

544
00:33:12,097 --> 00:33:17,867
How can I believe
anything you say?

545
00:33:17,869 --> 00:33:20,603
I mean, Jesus, I would have been
gone so fucking fast if I hadn't

546
00:33:20,605 --> 00:33:22,105
been so scared you would
do the same thing to me.

547
00:33:22,107 --> 00:33:23,205
No,
I would never.

548
00:33:23,207 --> 00:33:27,779
Really?

549
00:33:55,740 --> 00:34:00,609
Hey dipshit, you forget to throw
these overboard on purpose?

550
00:34:00,611 --> 00:34:04,249
I must
have forgot.

551
00:34:12,690 --> 00:34:15,694
Damn it.

552
00:34:27,339 --> 00:34:30,942
Alright, this is
what we've got left.

553
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,213
That tuna could
have come in handy.

554
00:34:38,215 --> 00:34:39,315
That tuna
was a weapon.

555
00:34:39,317 --> 00:34:41,750
This is all
the water?

556
00:34:41,752 --> 00:34:43,619
There's nothing left in
the showers, nothing?

557
00:34:43,621 --> 00:34:44,887
We didn't
fill the tanks.

558
00:34:44,889 --> 00:34:47,290
I thought it
was a day trip.

559
00:34:47,292 --> 00:34:50,293
Look, this is gonna keep
us OK for a couple days.

560
00:34:50,295 --> 00:34:51,393
It's not the food
I'm worried about.

561
00:34:51,395 --> 00:34:52,695
Why not?

562
00:34:52,697 --> 00:34:53,762
You can go for
ages without food.

563
00:34:53,764 --> 00:34:56,165
Without water,
less than a week.

564
00:34:56,167 --> 00:34:58,034
Huh?

565
00:34:58,036 --> 00:34:59,969
I could share some other
things I learned in school,

566
00:34:59,971 --> 00:35:01,237
but why
bother, right?

567
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:02,971
I'll just make sure to ask you
when it's time to wipe my ass.

568
00:35:02,973 --> 00:35:04,040
Yeah.

569
00:35:04,042 --> 00:35:05,108
What about
the toilet?

570
00:35:05,110 --> 00:35:06,175
You mean
where you belong?

571
00:35:06,177 --> 00:35:07,242
The water
in it.

572
00:35:07,244 --> 00:35:08,311
It's salt water.

573
00:35:08,313 --> 00:35:09,378
We could
distill it.

574
00:35:09,380 --> 00:35:10,646
No, the
still's propane.

575
00:35:10,648 --> 00:35:11,581
We don't
have propane.

576
00:35:11,583 --> 00:35:12,782
So literally nothing
on this boat works?

577
00:35:12,784 --> 00:35:14,050
I thought it
was a day trip.

578
00:35:14,052 --> 00:35:15,317
What about
the life raft?

579
00:35:15,319 --> 00:35:16,786
We popped that
inner tubing.

580
00:35:16,788 --> 00:35:18,087
Fuck's sake.

581
00:35:18,089 --> 00:35:19,889
I didn't anticipate having
to discard everything

582
00:35:19,891 --> 00:35:21,690
in an effort to
ensure my safety.

583
00:35:21,692 --> 00:35:22,824
OK, we can start
swimming to shore.

584
00:35:22,826 --> 00:35:23,893
It's too far.

585
00:35:23,895 --> 00:35:24,994
How do you
know that?

586
00:35:24,996 --> 00:35:26,262
It's too far.

587
00:35:26,264 --> 00:35:27,362
You know at Jaws at the end of
the movie, when the two are just

588
00:35:27,364 --> 00:35:29,398
swimming in the ocean,
after they killed the shark.

589
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,800
Those fuckers are
dead, straight up.

590
00:35:31,802 --> 00:35:33,335
So wait,
get going.

591
00:35:33,337 --> 00:35:34,670
Fuck off.

592
00:35:34,672 --> 00:35:37,072
So what
you're saying

593
00:35:37,074 --> 00:35:38,074
is we're
screwed?

594
00:35:38,076 --> 00:35:41,244
No, there's a bunch of
shipping lanes out here,

595
00:35:41,246 --> 00:35:42,344
someone's bound
to spot us.

596
00:35:42,346 --> 00:35:43,378
You sure?

597
00:35:43,380 --> 00:35:44,681
Pretty sure.

598
00:35:44,683 --> 00:35:45,715
Give me odds,
I want odds.

599
00:35:45,717 --> 00:35:48,985
90/10.

600
00:35:48,987 --> 00:35:50,353
10 being no
shipping boats?

601
00:35:50,355 --> 00:35:53,723
Yeah.

602
00:35:53,725 --> 00:35:59,094
OK, well 90% I'm rescued,
that's not so bad.

603
00:36:06,705 --> 00:36:09,404
<i>As the chapter title
so eloquently states,</i>

604
00:36:09,406 --> 00:36:12,308
<i>our trio had fallen on
a stretch of bad luck,</i>

605
00:36:12,310 --> 00:36:15,244
<i>but as an experienced sailor
such as myself would tell you,</i>

606
00:36:15,246 --> 00:36:18,380
<i>superstitions on a
boat are a powerful thing,</i>

607
00:36:18,382 --> 00:36:21,717
<i>and these three had been
inadvertently pushing their luk</i>

608
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,253
<i>from the very start,
and here's why,</i>

609
00:36:24,255 --> 00:36:26,855
<i>first of all they all set sail
on the Friday of a long weeken,</i>

610
00:36:26,857 --> 00:36:28,391
<i>when less ships
would be departing.</i>

611
00:36:28,393 --> 00:36:30,726
<i>It's also terrible luck
to sail on a Friday,</i>

612
00:36:30,728 --> 00:36:32,427
<i>as this was the day
Christ was crucified.</i>

613
00:36:32,429 --> 00:36:34,864
<i>Then Richard stepped on
board with his left foot</i>

614
00:36:34,866 --> 00:36:36,465
<i>rather than
his right.</i>

615
00:36:36,467 --> 00:36:38,433
<i>Red haired people are also
considered bad luck on a boat.</i>

616
00:36:38,435 --> 00:36:40,136
<i>Don't know why,
they just are.</i>

617
00:36:40,138 --> 00:36:41,237
<i>You're also not
supposed to bring</i>

618
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:42,804
<i>anyone named
Jonah on board.</i>

619
00:36:42,806 --> 00:36:44,139
<i>When the group threw
everything off the boat,</i>

620
00:36:44,141 --> 00:36:46,375
<i>they even tossed a
metal albatross statue.</i>

621
00:36:46,377 --> 00:36:48,009
<i>A bigtime
no-no,</i>

622
00:36:48,011 --> 00:36:49,746
<i>as they're supposed to
host the souls of dead sailors.</i>

623
00:36:49,748 --> 00:36:51,748
<i>Having a black bag on
the boat represents death</i>

624
00:36:51,750 --> 00:36:53,315
<i>and the depths
of the sea.</i>

625
00:36:53,317 --> 00:36:55,884
<i>And bananas on board are a bad
omen for a multitude of reason.</i>

626
00:37:00,058 --> 00:37:03,058
<i>So when no shipping
boats appeared,</i>

627
00:37:03,060 --> 00:37:06,329
<i>no rain fell to
catch and drink,</i>

628
00:37:06,331 --> 00:37:12,034
<i>and the current pulled them
further into the Atlantic Ocea,</i>

629
00:37:12,036 --> 00:37:15,904
<i>they flirted with yet
another form of friendship,</i>

630
00:37:15,906 --> 00:37:17,806
<i>friendship of survival,</i>

631
00:37:17,808 --> 00:37:20,342
<i>in which you either
work together,</i>

632
00:37:20,344 --> 00:37:23,179
<i>or you're
(censored).</i>

633
00:37:39,797 --> 00:37:41,230
Dude, this is
impossible.

634
00:37:47,839 --> 00:37:50,973
If only we had,
say, a harpoon.

635
00:37:50,975 --> 00:37:53,942
Spear gun.

636
00:37:53,944 --> 00:37:55,545
This is
useless.

637
00:37:55,547 --> 00:37:57,346
Come to
daddy, baby.

638
00:37:59,116 --> 00:38:01,550
<i>Oh, and one last no no on
a boat, don't kill seagulls.</i>

639
00:38:01,552 --> 00:38:03,485
<i>That's a real
bad one too.</i>

640
00:38:03,487 --> 00:38:06,054
No
fucking way.

641
00:39:36,179 --> 00:39:40,049
So this is what you
learned at school?

642
00:39:40,051 --> 00:39:41,550
No, I got this from
Richard Parker.

643
00:39:41,552 --> 00:39:42,617
Who?

644
00:39:42,619 --> 00:39:43,686
The lion
from Life of Pi.

645
00:39:43,688 --> 00:39:45,054
Tiger.

646
00:39:45,056 --> 00:39:46,322
But yeah.

647
00:39:46,324 --> 00:39:48,456
Author got the idea
from Edgar Allen Poe,

648
00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:50,326
and I have

649
00:39:50,328 --> 00:39:55,297
had a boyfriend
named Richard.

650
00:39:55,299 --> 00:39:56,498
OK.

651
00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:59,601
So in like the 1800s, Poe
wrote a book about a shipwreck,

652
00:39:59,603 --> 00:40:01,938
so these guys get
stuck in a lifeboat.

653
00:40:01,940 --> 00:40:04,172
Out of food and water,
but they capture a sea turtle

654
00:40:04,174 --> 00:40:05,373
and drink its
blood to survive.

655
00:40:05,375 --> 00:40:07,610
So let me get this straight,
you're getting your survival

656
00:40:07,612 --> 00:40:13,049
tips from the same guy who wrote
about the spaghetti monster.

657
00:40:13,051 --> 00:40:15,116
OK, so they drink the
sea turtle's blood.

658
00:40:21,993 --> 00:40:25,360
Again,
this is a story.

659
00:40:25,362 --> 00:40:28,630
So the sea turtle
nourishes them for a while,

660
00:40:28,632 --> 00:40:30,266
but it's
not enough.

661
00:40:30,268 --> 00:40:31,599
And they can't
catch any more turtles,

662
00:40:31,601 --> 00:40:33,168
and after a few
days they realize

663
00:40:33,170 --> 00:40:34,536
that if they don't get
anything to eat or drink

664
00:40:34,538 --> 00:40:37,239
ASAP,
they'll die.

665
00:40:37,241 --> 00:40:39,275
So they decided to draw
straws on who's gonna

666
00:40:39,277 --> 00:40:42,244
sacrifice themselves so
the other two can live.

667
00:40:42,246 --> 00:40:44,112
So they
draw straws.

668
00:40:49,987 --> 00:40:54,223
And this one cabin boy
gets the short stick.

669
00:40:54,225 --> 00:40:57,525
The boy sacrifices himself, and
the other two drink his blood,

670
00:40:57,527 --> 00:40:59,996
eat him, and they're
rescued a few days later,

671
00:40:59,998 --> 00:41:01,197
and live
happily ever after.

672
00:41:01,199 --> 00:41:04,065
Minus the mental trauma of
eating their friend, correct?

673
00:41:04,067 --> 00:41:06,569
His name?

674
00:41:06,571 --> 00:41:07,636
Richard Parker.

675
00:41:07,638 --> 00:41:11,440
Again, fiction.

676
00:41:11,442 --> 00:41:14,009
So, like 50 years later,
off the coast of England,

677
00:41:14,011 --> 00:41:15,643
I think,
there's a shipwreck.

678
00:41:15,645 --> 00:41:18,547
And these three guys
get stuck on a lifeboat.

679
00:41:18,549 --> 00:41:20,282
Fiction or
real this time?

680
00:41:20,284 --> 00:41:23,552
Real.

681
00:41:23,554 --> 00:41:26,154
So just like in the book,
they end up capturing

682
00:41:26,156 --> 00:41:28,424
a sea turtle and drinking
its blood to survive,

683
00:41:28,426 --> 00:41:32,027
and just like
in the book,

684
00:41:32,029 --> 00:41:34,230
it's not enough,

685
00:41:34,232 --> 00:41:36,565
so they decided
to draw straws.

686
00:41:56,721 --> 00:42:00,155
The young man who
got the short stick,

687
00:42:00,157 --> 00:42:01,357
Richard.

688
00:42:01,359 --> 00:42:03,726
No.

689
00:42:03,728 --> 00:42:05,527
Parker.

690
00:42:05,529 --> 00:42:08,130
That's why the tiger's name is
Richard Parker in Life of Pi,

691
00:42:08,132 --> 00:42:09,431
because of this
crazy coincidence.

692
00:42:09,433 --> 00:42:13,536
You do realize, though, that the
moral of this story seems to be

693
00:42:13,538 --> 00:42:17,239
that drinking seagull blood
is not gonna be enough.

694
00:42:17,241 --> 00:42:18,474
We're gonna have to
sacrifice one of us

695
00:42:18,476 --> 00:42:20,742
for the good
of the group.

696
00:42:29,353 --> 00:42:32,755
Well,

697
00:42:32,757 --> 00:42:35,627
cheers.

698
00:42:50,775 --> 00:42:56,281
Why did I
suggest this?

699
00:42:57,514 --> 00:42:59,817
OK.

700
00:43:05,156 --> 00:43:08,791
Ugh.

701
00:43:08,793 --> 00:43:11,393
How long would this
actually help us?

702
00:43:11,395 --> 00:43:12,427
I mean,
this can't be safe.

703
00:43:12,429 --> 00:43:13,795
Safe enough,
and I don't know.

704
00:43:13,797 --> 00:43:15,130
Just drink it,
you pussy.

705
00:43:15,132 --> 00:43:16,165
Look, I don't
think I can.

706
00:43:16,167 --> 00:43:17,233
Alright,
give it here.

707
00:43:17,235 --> 00:43:18,300
No,
it's not that bad.

708
00:43:18,302 --> 00:43:19,367
No,
it really is.

709
00:43:19,369 --> 00:43:20,402
Seriously,
if you don't want it.

710
00:43:20,404 --> 00:43:21,503
Stop, stop it.

711
00:43:21,505 --> 00:43:23,507
It's not bad.

712
00:43:41,659 --> 00:43:42,757
What a waste.

713
00:43:42,759 --> 00:43:43,925
Oh God.

714
00:43:43,927 --> 00:43:44,960
Oh God,
that's awful.

715
00:43:44,962 --> 00:43:47,829
I need something to get
this taste out of mouth.

716
00:43:47,831 --> 00:43:49,697
You've got ocean water,
you've got motor oil.

717
00:43:49,699 --> 00:43:50,733
Urine.

718
00:43:50,735 --> 00:43:51,833
You can
still go?

719
00:43:51,835 --> 00:43:52,768
I haven't
for days.

720
00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:54,170
I almost would drink
piss at this point.

721
00:43:54,172 --> 00:43:56,572
Wait.

722
00:43:56,574 --> 00:43:58,574
I'm kidding,
I'm not drinking piss.

723
00:43:58,576 --> 00:44:00,308
I hope you forgot
to throw this out.

724
00:44:00,310 --> 00:44:03,712
And not
motor oil.

725
00:44:03,714 --> 00:44:06,447
From when we
bought the boat.

726
00:44:06,449 --> 00:44:09,184
You couldn't remember that
before the fucking seagull.

727
00:44:09,186 --> 00:44:12,320
I forgot
about it.

728
00:44:12,322 --> 00:44:13,621
Would this
dehydrate me more?

729
00:44:13,623 --> 00:44:16,324
Alcohol while lost at sea
was not in my curriculum.

730
00:44:16,326 --> 00:44:19,228
Fuck it.

731
00:44:19,230 --> 00:44:20,895
Easy tiger,
come on.

732
00:44:20,897 --> 00:44:22,331
Hey, hey,
hey, come on.

733
00:44:22,333 --> 00:44:24,933
Over here,
come to mama.

734
00:44:24,935 --> 00:44:26,571
Oh.

735
00:44:28,906 --> 00:44:33,208
Oh.

736
00:44:33,210 --> 00:44:36,612
I love Scotch,
suddenly.

737
00:44:36,614 --> 00:44:37,679
Hey, where
are you going?

738
00:44:37,681 --> 00:44:38,746
I'll give it,
I'll give.

739
00:44:38,748 --> 00:44:39,815
Hey, hey!

740
00:44:39,817 --> 00:44:40,916
Listen to me.

741
00:44:40,918 --> 00:44:48,791
I'll give it, once you
or you tell me how and when

742
00:44:48,793 --> 00:44:50,558
y'all
started fucking.

743
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:51,860
Dude, come on,
this is.

744
00:44:51,862 --> 00:44:53,494
Uh uh.

745
00:44:53,496 --> 00:44:55,864
No one gets another drop
until someone tells me.

746
00:44:55,866 --> 00:44:57,398
And what's knowing
gonna do at this point?

747
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,634
I'm not mad anymore,
I swear to God.

748
00:44:59,636 --> 00:45:01,936
I got my Even Steven,
got bigger problems now.

749
00:45:01,938 --> 00:45:07,279
I just
wanna know.

750
00:45:09,647 --> 00:45:11,713
New Years.

751
00:45:11,715 --> 00:45:15,686
Hand it over.

752
00:45:24,828 --> 00:45:27,395
You passed out for
the millionth time,

753
00:45:27,397 --> 00:45:31,967
and Jay and I were up
cleaning for the millionth time,

754
00:45:31,969 --> 00:45:36,471
he knew I was upset,
and it just happened.

755
00:45:36,473 --> 00:45:38,607
I was also
really drunk.

756
00:45:38,609 --> 00:45:43,411
Well don't make it sound
like I took advantage of you.

757
00:45:43,413 --> 00:45:45,947
Does that
make it better?

758
00:45:45,949 --> 00:45:47,049
How
many times?

759
00:45:47,051 --> 00:45:50,451
Just the once,
I swear.

760
00:45:50,453 --> 00:45:54,690
What'd I catch you
guys arguing about?

761
00:45:54,692 --> 00:45:55,757
We.

762
00:45:55,759 --> 00:45:59,561
No, you.

763
00:45:59,563 --> 00:46:01,700
I wanna hear
it from you.

764
00:46:06,436 --> 00:46:08,440
She and I, we.

765
00:46:24,455 --> 00:46:27,456
You know,

766
00:46:27,458 --> 00:46:31,726
when you
dropped those urns,

767
00:46:31,728 --> 00:46:33,762
I was just
sitting there,

768
00:46:33,764 --> 00:46:41,904
staring at them, and thinking,
why aren't I more upset?

769
00:46:41,906 --> 00:46:43,639
That this pile of
shit on the ground is

770
00:46:43,641 --> 00:46:48,409
what's left of
my parents, right?

771
00:46:48,411 --> 00:46:53,014
And I just
didn't care.

772
00:46:53,016 --> 00:46:56,351
There was no
nostalgia, nothing.

773
00:46:56,353 --> 00:46:58,052
I just.

774
00:47:07,063 --> 00:47:10,366
I just thought we could
take off together is all.

775
00:47:13,871 --> 00:47:18,940
But she said
if we did,

776
00:47:18,942 --> 00:47:21,677
you or your dad
would come after us.

777
00:47:24,681 --> 00:47:26,648
That's the truth.

778
00:47:57,781 --> 00:47:59,681
Hey,
who was better?

779
00:47:59,683 --> 00:48:00,681
What?

780
00:48:00,683 --> 00:48:01,717
In bed.

781
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:02,784
Seriously?

782
00:48:02,786 --> 00:48:03,819
No, I mean it,
who was better?

783
00:48:03,821 --> 00:48:04,954
Dude, you're
just asking for it.

784
00:48:04,956 --> 00:48:07,855
Hey, I'm not mad anymore,
come on, this is cathartic.

785
00:48:07,857 --> 00:48:09,991
Seriously, if we're all
gonna fucking die out here,

786
00:48:09,993 --> 00:48:11,793
then who gives
a fuck, right?

787
00:48:11,795 --> 00:48:13,661
Come on.

788
00:48:13,663 --> 00:48:14,762
Ugh.

789
00:48:14,764 --> 00:48:16,431
Give it.

790
00:48:16,433 --> 00:48:18,833
Alright, but no
fighting, either of you.

791
00:48:18,835 --> 00:48:19,867
This is gonna
be good, huh?

792
00:48:19,869 --> 00:48:20,969
This is stupid.

793
00:48:20,971 --> 00:48:22,003
No, who gives
a shit, come on.

794
00:48:22,005 --> 00:48:23,137
It's funny.

795
00:48:23,139 --> 00:48:24,440
Sorry.

796
00:48:24,442 --> 00:48:26,608
For what?

797
00:48:26,610 --> 00:48:27,675
He's better.

798
00:48:27,677 --> 00:48:29,811
- Yes!
- What?

799
00:48:29,813 --> 00:48:30,846
- It's not important.
- Well it is to me.

800
00:48:30,848 --> 00:48:31,980
Am I bad?

801
00:48:31,982 --> 00:48:32,980
No, no, no.

802
00:48:32,982 --> 00:48:35,050
He's just.

803
00:48:35,052 --> 00:48:36,717
Ha ha.

804
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,454
This is some bullshit,
I'm a disadvantage here,

805
00:48:39,456 --> 00:48:42,123
he knows all your,
all your stuff,

806
00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:43,491
and if I ever
got a chance to.

807
00:48:43,493 --> 00:48:44,559
I said sorry.

808
00:48:44,561 --> 00:48:45,594
If you just told
me what you like.

809
00:48:45,596 --> 00:48:47,695
No, no, no,
it's not that.

810
00:48:47,697 --> 00:48:48,764
Shut up.

811
00:48:48,766 --> 00:48:49,864
And you,
you weren't.

812
00:48:49,866 --> 00:48:50,733
I'll take you to
the desk right now,

813
00:48:50,735 --> 00:48:52,000
and I'll change
your mind right now.

814
00:48:52,002 --> 00:48:53,501
I wouldn't
be able to.

815
00:48:53,503 --> 00:48:55,137
Why the
hell not?

816
00:48:55,139 --> 00:48:57,206
You're,
you're too soft.

817
00:48:57,208 --> 00:48:59,141
Soft?

818
00:48:59,143 --> 00:49:00,241
Soft?

819
00:49:00,243 --> 00:49:01,277
I'm so
glad I asked.

820
00:49:01,279 --> 00:49:04,779
You got your moves from
the softcore channel.

821
00:49:04,781 --> 00:49:05,880
That's enough.

822
00:49:05,882 --> 00:49:06,915
Enough.

823
00:49:06,917 --> 00:49:08,016
You're vanilla.

824
00:49:08,018 --> 00:49:09,083
Vanilla?

825
00:49:09,085 --> 00:49:11,520
Yeah.

826
00:49:11,522 --> 00:49:12,654
Are you
fucking with me?

827
00:49:12,656 --> 00:49:15,023
Very vanilla for someone who
has sex with prostitutes.

828
00:49:15,025 --> 00:49:16,757
One time, that
happened one fucking.

829
00:49:16,759 --> 00:49:20,628
Vanilla goes with everything,
it's a classic.

830
00:49:20,630 --> 00:49:22,197
Everybody likes, it goes
along with everything.

831
00:49:22,199 --> 00:49:24,532
You want mint chocolate chip
when it's a special occasion,

832
00:49:24,534 --> 00:49:26,534
but you don't want to eat
that every fucking day.

833
00:49:26,536 --> 00:49:28,170
Jay, Jay,
vanilla is fine.

834
00:49:28,172 --> 00:49:31,572
A lot of girls
really like vanilla.

835
00:49:31,574 --> 00:49:33,708
Isn't that what everybody wants,
the safe, reliable,

836
00:49:33,710 --> 00:49:35,076
vanilla flavor, put a
little bit of fudge or something

837
00:49:35,078 --> 00:49:37,145
on top
or something.

838
00:49:37,147 --> 00:49:38,447
Shut the
fuck up.

839
00:49:38,449 --> 00:49:42,217
Jay, I cheated on my long-term
boyfriend with his best friend.

840
00:49:42,219 --> 00:49:45,052
Finally it's articulated,
we got it out.

841
00:49:45,054 --> 00:49:46,788
I can guarantee you,
the last thing I was

842
00:49:46,790 --> 00:49:50,161
looking for was
classic, safe vanilla.

843
00:49:55,900 --> 00:49:56,965
I can't
believe this.

844
00:49:56,967 --> 00:49:59,000
I said sorry.

845
00:49:59,002 --> 00:50:03,204
Oh, hey,
gear down big rig.

846
00:50:03,206 --> 00:50:06,808
Fuck it, you know what,
you got a weird sex face.

847
00:50:06,810 --> 00:50:07,708
A what?

848
00:50:07,710 --> 00:50:09,110
You heard me, your
sex face is strange.

849
00:50:09,112 --> 00:50:10,279
It's
fucking weird.

850
00:50:10,281 --> 00:50:12,780
Right? It's like you're
about to sneeze at all times.

851
00:50:12,782 --> 00:50:13,815
What?

852
00:50:13,817 --> 00:50:14,949
It's like.

853
00:50:14,951 --> 00:50:16,018
That's it.

854
00:50:16,020 --> 00:50:17,953
I do not
do that.

855
00:50:17,955 --> 00:50:20,121
Yes you do,
she absolutely does it.

856
00:50:20,123 --> 00:50:24,092
You know what, when you're
on top you sweat so much

857
00:50:24,094 --> 00:50:25,326
it's like I'm
taking a shower.

858
00:50:25,328 --> 00:50:26,695
Ew.

859
00:50:26,697 --> 00:50:27,829
It's not
that bad.

860
00:50:27,831 --> 00:50:30,599
I feel like covering my
face with a towel sometimes,

861
00:50:30,601 --> 00:50:32,567
because there's
just like a monsoon.

862
00:50:32,569 --> 00:50:35,704
of Richard just
raining down upon me.

863
00:50:35,706 --> 00:50:38,105
A monsoon.

864
00:50:38,107 --> 00:50:39,741
Tsunami.

865
00:50:39,743 --> 00:50:41,777
Nasty,
it's nasty.

866
00:50:41,779 --> 00:50:42,844
That's
fucked up, man.

867
00:50:42,846 --> 00:50:45,750
You need to
get that checked.

868
00:50:50,119 --> 00:50:52,186
Vanilla.

869
00:50:52,188 --> 00:50:54,623
Vanilla.

870
00:50:54,625 --> 00:50:56,257
Fuck me.

871
00:50:56,259 --> 00:50:59,860
Fuck.

872
00:50:59,862 --> 00:51:03,600
Careful
with that.

873
00:51:05,268 --> 00:51:06,867
That can't
be good.

874
00:51:06,869 --> 00:51:09,607
Let me see.

875
00:51:11,275 --> 00:51:13,074
OK, go, go,
salt water, go.

876
00:51:13,076 --> 00:51:15,844
No, the salt water
isn't doing shit.

877
00:51:15,846 --> 00:51:16,712
Hand me
the Scotch.

878
00:51:16,714 --> 00:51:18,012
No, no, we're not
wasting it on that,

879
00:51:18,014 --> 00:51:18,846
the salt water
is the same thing.

880
00:51:18,848 --> 00:51:20,815
It's the same thing
as salt water.

881
00:51:20,817 --> 00:51:21,849
Go.

882
00:51:21,851 --> 00:51:22,918
Go.

883
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:23,985
Go.

884
00:51:23,987 --> 00:51:27,591
Fine.

885
00:51:28,759 --> 00:51:32,630
I think
I'm drunk.

886
00:51:36,065 --> 00:51:38,032
Monsoon Richard.

887
00:51:38,034 --> 00:51:42,574
Ha ha ha.

888
00:51:46,043 --> 00:51:50,945
Hey, true or not, I appreciate
the vote of confidence.

889
00:51:50,947 --> 00:51:53,081
Why would I
lie about that?

890
00:51:53,083 --> 00:51:59,920
I don't know, maybe you feel bad
about the way it all went down.

891
00:51:59,922 --> 00:52:01,959
I don't
feel bad.

892
00:52:11,335 --> 00:52:14,839
Did you kill her,
or did your dad?

893
00:52:21,779 --> 00:52:24,945
I thought we were
putting it all out there.

894
00:52:29,219 --> 00:52:33,822
I already told you,
we didn't do it.

895
00:53:29,779 --> 00:53:31,512
Fuck!

896
00:53:31,514 --> 00:53:33,280
Fucking,
fucking hurts.

897
00:53:33,282 --> 00:53:34,416
It hurts.

898
00:53:34,418 --> 00:53:37,085
Jay!

899
00:53:37,087 --> 00:53:38,052
It's gonna
be alright.

900
00:53:38,054 --> 00:53:39,788
You're probably just
hungry and thirsty dude.

901
00:53:39,790 --> 00:53:40,788
I don't know if it
was the fucking bird

902
00:53:40,790 --> 00:53:42,958
or the Scotch or what,
but it fucking hurts.

903
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,291
Oh shit.

904
00:53:44,293 --> 00:53:46,161
Holy fuck.

905
00:53:46,163 --> 00:53:47,829
That's fucking
bad, isn't it?

906
00:53:47,831 --> 00:53:48,929
Sacha,
what do we do?

907
00:53:48,931 --> 00:53:51,299
We usually treat infections
like this antibiotics.

908
00:53:51,301 --> 00:53:54,436
Well, when we
don't have those?

909
00:53:57,406 --> 00:54:01,076
We gotta stop the infection
from reaching his heart.

910
00:54:01,078 --> 00:54:03,311
You mean we?

911
00:54:03,313 --> 00:54:04,311
No, no, no.

912
00:54:04,313 --> 00:54:05,579
Are
you serious?

913
00:54:05,581 --> 00:54:06,547
I don't know how else to stop
the infection from spreading.

914
00:54:06,549 --> 00:54:11,085
No, no, no, we don't
even have any knives.

915
00:54:11,087 --> 00:54:12,186
Sacha, stop!

916
00:54:12,188 --> 00:54:13,322
He's fucking
dying, Richard.

917
00:54:13,324 --> 00:54:16,791
Look, I'm right here, I'm
not fucking dying, I'm good.

918
00:54:16,793 --> 00:54:18,058
Couldn't this kill
him too, I mean,

919
00:54:18,060 --> 00:54:20,161
when the new cut
gets infected?

920
00:54:20,163 --> 00:54:23,197
I know you two can hear me,
look, I'm fine, I swear.

921
00:54:23,199 --> 00:54:26,233
Look, look,
look, look.

922
00:54:30,540 --> 00:54:35,811
Ahhh.

923
00:54:38,214 --> 00:54:42,483
Oh fuck, it feels like there's
ants crawling in my veins.

924
00:54:42,485 --> 00:54:44,820
Jay, Jay,
Jay, Jay.

925
00:54:44,822 --> 00:54:46,087
If we don't
do this,

926
00:54:46,089 --> 00:54:55,096
if this reaches your heart or
your brain, you're dead, 100%.

927
00:54:55,098 --> 00:54:57,364
Be brave.

928
00:55:14,585 --> 00:55:15,851
Richard,
give me your belt.

929
00:55:15,853 --> 00:55:16,951
What did
he say?

930
00:55:16,953 --> 00:55:17,985
Nothing,
just give me your belt.

931
00:55:17,987 --> 00:55:19,119
What did
he say?

932
00:55:19,121 --> 00:55:20,121
Just fucking
help me.

933
00:55:31,969 --> 00:55:34,536
Ready?

934
00:55:39,342 --> 00:55:40,545
Wait!

935
00:55:45,181 --> 00:55:47,882
OK, now
you can go.

936
00:55:47,884 --> 00:55:48,884
Seriously?

937
00:55:48,886 --> 00:55:50,284
Look,
I'm fucking thirsty.

938
00:55:50,286 --> 00:55:52,954
His blood
could be toxic.

939
00:55:52,956 --> 00:55:54,422
I don't fucking
know any more.

940
00:55:56,326 --> 00:55:58,025
Oh my God.

941
00:56:01,665 --> 00:56:03,431
Richard!

942
00:56:03,433 --> 00:56:06,067
Oh, fuck!

943
00:56:10,674 --> 00:56:12,440
Fuck off dude!

944
00:56:12,442 --> 00:56:13,574
Richard, where's
the God damn tape?

945
00:56:13,576 --> 00:56:14,909
I don't know.

946
00:56:14,911 --> 00:56:17,212
Fuck off.

947
00:56:35,331 --> 00:56:38,199
That was a terrible
fucking idea.

948
00:56:41,638 --> 00:56:43,003
Hey.

949
00:56:43,005 --> 00:56:44,505
Can I have some?

950
00:56:44,507 --> 00:56:47,208
I told you.

951
00:56:49,011 --> 00:56:52,313
Idiot.

952
00:56:52,315 --> 00:56:54,349
Come on!

953
00:57:48,772 --> 00:57:49,871
Fuck.

954
00:57:49,873 --> 00:57:53,074
I don't know, I still
can't figure this shit out.

955
00:57:53,076 --> 00:57:55,043
I think he
has sepsis.

956
00:57:55,045 --> 00:57:56,744
What?

957
00:57:56,746 --> 00:58:03,150
Blood poisoning.

958
00:58:03,152 --> 00:58:07,021
Hey,
if he dies,

959
00:58:07,023 --> 00:58:09,556
can we?

960
00:58:09,558 --> 00:58:11,692
What?

961
00:58:11,694 --> 00:58:14,362
What?

962
00:58:14,364 --> 00:58:16,530
Is he
edible?

963
00:58:16,532 --> 00:58:18,266
No.

964
00:58:18,268 --> 00:58:20,067
No, as in he's
not edible, or no?

965
00:58:20,069 --> 00:58:21,770
No, as in we're
not eating anybody.

966
00:58:21,772 --> 00:58:23,771
Sacha,
what the fuck?

967
00:58:23,773 --> 00:58:30,078
I can raise one of the
straws so you don't pick it.

968
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:31,545
You two
deserve each other.

969
00:58:31,547 --> 00:58:33,313
What?

970
00:58:33,315 --> 00:58:36,317
Do you want to know what he
whispered to me last night?

971
00:58:36,319 --> 00:58:37,317
He asked me if
I thought about

972
00:58:37,319 --> 00:58:42,056
using the glass shard
on you instead of him.

973
00:59:55,331 --> 00:59:58,866
Fuck!

974
00:59:58,868 --> 01:00:00,668
It's OK.

975
01:00:00,670 --> 01:00:02,670
You're gonna
be alright.

976
01:00:10,714 --> 01:00:14,282
Deep breaths, OK.

977
01:00:14,284 --> 01:00:16,650
Deep breaths.

978
01:00:16,652 --> 01:00:18,552
Just breathe.

979
01:00:18,554 --> 01:00:21,221
Yeah, OK.

980
01:00:21,223 --> 01:00:25,425
OK.

981
01:00:25,427 --> 01:00:28,929
You're not being honest
with me, are you?

982
01:00:28,931 --> 01:00:32,866
What?

983
01:00:32,868 --> 01:00:36,170
Richard Parker.

984
01:00:39,375 --> 01:00:44,545
Don't you think it's
time we draw straws?

985
01:00:44,547 --> 01:00:49,217
I'm on my way out if
something doesn't change soon.

986
01:00:49,219 --> 01:00:50,451
If I don't eat or
drink something soon,

987
01:00:50,453 --> 01:00:53,454
I'm gonna
die, right?

988
01:00:53,456 --> 01:00:55,190
It's me
you're gonna eat.

989
01:00:55,192 --> 01:00:56,424
No, no,
that won't be a problem.

990
01:00:56,426 --> 01:00:58,192
I heard that,
you fuck.

991
01:00:58,194 --> 01:00:59,860
I also heard what
you said last night.

992
01:00:59,862 --> 01:01:02,230
You're the one dying,
why don't you be a man

993
01:01:02,232 --> 01:01:04,398
for once and
volunteer yourself.

994
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:06,867
We wouldn't even be here right
now if it wasn't for you.

995
01:01:06,869 --> 01:01:08,536
Oh, whatever crush
you're harboring,

996
01:01:08,538 --> 01:01:11,206
let it go dude,
it's fucking embarrassing.

997
01:01:11,208 --> 01:01:12,174
No, you're
embarrassing.

998
01:01:12,176 --> 01:01:13,875
You had your shot man,
she didn't pick you.

999
01:01:13,877 --> 01:01:16,777
No, but I wouldn't fuck
around on her, would I?

1000
01:01:16,779 --> 01:01:18,045
You hear
that Sacha?

1001
01:01:18,047 --> 01:01:22,386
Even after what happened last
year, he still cheats on you.

1002
01:01:25,388 --> 01:01:26,420
You're a
fucking idiot.

1003
01:01:26,422 --> 01:01:27,922
I'm the idiot?

1004
01:01:27,924 --> 01:01:29,523
All of that shit
you pulled that year,

1005
01:01:29,525 --> 01:01:30,891
and you still couldn't
learn your fucking lesson.

1006
01:01:30,893 --> 01:01:32,226
Just tell her
you love her, huh.

1007
01:01:32,228 --> 01:01:33,360
I would do
anything for her.

1008
01:01:33,362 --> 01:01:36,496
Well you most certainly
did do anything.

1009
01:01:37,900 --> 01:01:39,567
You're so chivalrous,
why don't you tell her

1010
01:01:39,569 --> 01:01:43,337
what you
did to my ex.

1011
01:01:43,339 --> 01:01:44,605
What?

1012
01:01:44,607 --> 01:01:48,009
Wait, that can't
be right, can it?

1013
01:01:48,011 --> 01:01:51,779
You're the
mistreated nice guy.

1014
01:01:51,781 --> 01:01:53,014
Fuck is
going on, guys?

1015
01:01:53,016 --> 01:01:58,518
You hate me, you're scared of
me for what you think I did.

1016
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:01,521
Way to run right into
the real psycho's arms.

1017
01:02:08,331 --> 01:02:10,697
Jay?

1018
01:02:15,839 --> 01:02:16,938
Sacha.

1019
01:02:16,940 --> 01:02:19,706
Sacha, I.

1020
01:02:21,710 --> 01:02:26,547
Look, I knew if
you left it was over.

1021
01:02:26,549 --> 01:02:28,882
The three of us wouldn't hang
out, and you would be gone.

1022
01:02:28,884 --> 01:02:31,585
You wouldn't be
around anymore.

1023
01:02:37,293 --> 01:02:41,029
I was gonna try and convince
her to get rid of the baby,

1024
01:02:41,031 --> 01:02:45,565
but she,

1025
01:02:45,567 --> 01:02:48,335
she wouldn't
listen, OK?

1026
01:02:48,337 --> 01:02:52,840
It was
an accident.

1027
01:02:56,913 --> 01:02:58,579
Hey, hey, hey.

1028
01:02:58,581 --> 01:02:59,447
No, no.

1029
01:02:59,449 --> 01:03:01,715
I was just trying
to keep us together.

1030
01:03:01,717 --> 01:03:03,483
But I'm the
asshole, right?

1031
01:03:03,485 --> 01:03:04,686
He's the
gentleman?

1032
01:03:04,688 --> 01:03:06,387
You just use us,
that's all you do.

1033
01:03:06,389 --> 01:03:07,889
I spend all my
money on you guys.

1034
01:03:07,891 --> 01:03:10,491
You'd never leave your mom's
basement if it wasn't for me.

1035
01:03:10,493 --> 01:03:11,992
You do all that
shit for you.

1036
01:03:11,994 --> 01:03:13,628
Not us.

1037
01:03:13,630 --> 01:03:18,599
So you can have a good fucking
time, you selfish prick.

1038
01:03:18,601 --> 01:03:21,735
I have nothing.

1039
01:03:21,737 --> 01:03:25,473
My family
left me nothing.

1040
01:03:25,475 --> 01:03:31,945
I never asked you for
anything, you never offered.

1041
01:03:31,947 --> 01:03:39,753
You have no idea what it's
like to work for everything.

1042
01:03:50,567 --> 01:03:53,034
I think we
should draw straws.

1043
01:04:45,855 --> 01:04:48,989
OK.

1044
01:04:48,991 --> 01:04:54,996
Before we start,
everyone clear on the rules?

1045
01:05:07,710 --> 01:05:10,710
No begging.

1046
01:05:10,712 --> 01:05:13,447
No pleading.

1047
01:05:13,449 --> 01:05:19,822
This is so the other two
can continue to live.

1048
01:05:26,462 --> 01:05:31,567
You first.

1049
01:05:38,574 --> 01:05:42,178
Pick.

1050
01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:58,529
Alright Jay.

1051
01:06:05,168 --> 01:06:07,938
Fuck you.

1052
01:06:27,257 --> 01:06:29,657
Fucking
Richard Parker.

1053
01:06:29,659 --> 01:06:32,125
Wait, dude.

1054
01:06:32,127 --> 01:06:33,194
We can't
let her do this.

1055
01:06:33,196 --> 01:06:34,262
We said
no pleading.

1056
01:06:34,264 --> 01:06:36,600
You're not the one
who's pleading.

1057
01:06:40,302 --> 01:06:41,735
You're just gonna
let her do this?

1058
01:06:41,737 --> 01:06:46,076
Fucking off yourself
if you're so offended.

1059
01:06:48,076 --> 01:06:50,513
I didn't
think so.

1060
01:06:58,987 --> 01:07:03,527
Can you do
it yourself?

1061
01:07:17,739 --> 01:07:19,072
OK.

1062
01:07:19,074 --> 01:07:21,978
OK.

1063
01:07:24,714 --> 01:07:33,087
We'll draw straws
again to see who has to

1064
01:07:33,089 --> 01:07:37,060
take her out.

1065
01:07:46,268 --> 01:07:47,335
I'll do it.

1066
01:07:47,337 --> 01:07:53,741
What?

1067
01:07:53,743 --> 01:07:58,012
You get to
pick this time.

1068
01:07:58,014 --> 01:08:00,684
Even Steven.

1069
01:08:04,753 --> 01:08:09,223
Pick Rich.

1070
01:08:09,225 --> 01:08:12,061
Pick.

1071
01:08:28,210 --> 01:08:29,310
Hmm.

1072
01:08:47,195 --> 01:08:50,930
You always have to
come up even, don't you?

1073
01:09:03,812 --> 01:09:06,380
I don't want
to do this.

1074
01:09:06,382 --> 01:09:08,785
Just get it
over with.

1075
01:09:14,257 --> 01:09:15,355
No.

1076
01:09:15,357 --> 01:09:16,390
This is what
we said we'd do.

1077
01:09:16,392 --> 01:09:17,957
No.

1078
01:09:23,098 --> 01:09:26,766
You fuck.

1079
01:09:37,713 --> 01:09:40,149
We had
a deal.

1080
01:09:57,032 --> 01:09:59,734
Hey.

1081
01:10:07,410 --> 01:10:09,143
You OK?

1082
01:10:15,752 --> 01:10:18,752
Oh.

1083
01:10:21,790 --> 01:10:24,158
You hungry?

1084
01:10:30,098 --> 01:10:32,433
Come on.

1085
01:10:50,186 --> 01:10:53,220
Stay here.

1086
01:11:07,270 --> 01:11:09,936
I found this when I was
looking for the golf club.

1087
01:11:09,938 --> 01:11:10,904
I need her
help finding it.

1088
01:11:10,906 --> 01:11:13,808
He doesn't need shit,
you're staying here.

1089
01:11:24,486 --> 01:11:25,952
Here, sit.

1090
01:11:25,954 --> 01:11:27,954
Sit.

1091
01:11:32,895 --> 01:11:34,994
Check this out.

1092
01:11:38,234 --> 01:11:41,100
Excuse me.

1093
01:11:56,118 --> 01:11:57,984
The fuse box
is in there.

1094
01:12:04,427 --> 01:12:06,527
I pulled
the ignition.

1095
01:12:06,529 --> 01:12:09,997
This little guy is why
the boat wouldn't start.

1096
01:12:12,901 --> 01:12:17,238
It gave us a chance
to get rid of him.

1097
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:20,107
For the
lie detector.

1098
01:12:20,109 --> 01:12:24,612
You were
so good.

1099
01:12:24,614 --> 01:12:28,549
Spirit of God and that Richard
Parker shit, such a good idea.

1100
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:33,319
Just.

1101
01:12:33,321 --> 01:12:36,422
Just shitty
luck with my arm.

1102
01:12:36,424 --> 01:12:39,359
And you pulling
the short straw.

1103
01:12:39,361 --> 01:12:42,296
But didn't that just
show how little he cared?

1104
01:12:42,298 --> 01:12:45,032
How he was willing
to let you die?

1105
01:12:52,575 --> 01:12:56,176
None of that
matters anymore.

1106
01:12:56,178 --> 01:12:58,912
We can run
away now.

1107
01:12:58,914 --> 01:13:01,180
Together.

1108
01:13:04,186 --> 01:13:07,054
You
said that.

1109
01:13:07,056 --> 01:13:11,558
You said that we're
gonna run away together.

1110
01:13:11,560 --> 01:13:16,195
You said that we could get
the cash in his closet,

1111
01:13:16,197 --> 01:13:20,333
and get
out of here.

1112
01:13:20,335 --> 01:13:23,069
You
said that.

1113
01:13:26,241 --> 01:13:28,274
I.

1114
01:13:28,276 --> 01:13:31,211
I thought
I said

1115
01:13:31,213 --> 01:13:33,613
you could
take the cash.

1116
01:13:40,088 --> 01:13:43,457
You.

1117
01:13:43,459 --> 01:13:46,563
You aren't
gonna come?

1118
01:13:50,231 --> 01:13:52,334
I.

1119
01:13:59,642 --> 01:14:04,377
Of course
I am.

1120
01:14:04,379 --> 01:14:06,380
Of course.

1121
01:14:06,382 --> 01:14:10,184
OK, now.

1122
01:14:10,186 --> 01:14:11,518
Eat.

1123
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:16,991
I'll get us home as
soon as possible.

1124
01:14:16,993 --> 01:14:20,027
We'll just have to
say we found the fuse

1125
01:14:20,029 --> 01:14:23,463
after we
drew straws,

1126
01:14:23,465 --> 01:14:25,631
OK?

1127
01:14:25,633 --> 01:14:28,534
OK.

1128
01:14:42,450 --> 01:14:46,220
Don't worry,

1129
01:14:46,222 --> 01:14:48,689
I'll get
us home.

1130
01:16:09,370 --> 01:16:11,106
You ready?

1131
01:16:30,459 --> 01:16:34,360
Jesus, you do
have a good punch.

1132
01:16:34,362 --> 01:16:36,363
<i>You know
someone once told me,</i>

1133
01:16:36,365 --> 01:16:39,533
<i>the sea finds out
everything you've done wrong,</i>

1134
01:16:39,535 --> 01:16:42,668
<i>so between his bad luck
name and his now public sins,</i>

1135
01:16:42,670 --> 01:16:44,805
<i>I think it's
fair to say</i>

1136
01:16:44,807 --> 01:16:47,077
<i>Jonah had
this coming.</i>

1137
01:18:11,560 --> 01:18:13,560
<i>And while we still don't
know the reason behind the</i>

1138
01:18:13,562 --> 01:18:18,232
<i>red headed superstition, we do
know that, for whatever reason,</i>

1139
01:18:18,234 --> 01:18:20,234
<i>it definitely
holds true.</i>

1140
01:18:44,860 --> 01:18:47,793
Fuck.

1141
01:22:30,017 --> 01:22:32,018
Moving on.

1142
01:22:32,020 --> 01:22:36,155
Perfect, print it,
let's go, alright.

1143
01:22:40,531 --> 01:22:42,578
Subtitles by explosiveskull