Lincoln Zombie Speech

For a long, horrible moment, absolute silence held sway over the vast sea of undead gathered at the gates to the mausoleum.  And by the drink, Lincoln knew he needed to say something before the horde decided it was opening day at the Bizmuth Buffet (with a healthy side of Fritzers and Vixen Steak, to boot).

The booze whispered,and By God Lincoln hoped it was good.  "Fellow Necromantically inclined!" he bellowed,loud enough that Skel seemed rattled (heh) and Zom shuffled a foot away.  "I have a dictionary!" He said,holding the Necronomicon aloft, "And I know how to read it!  And I have a Dream!  A dream of Men, MonsterGirls, and yes, Zombies, standing side by side, without fear of abstinence! Oppression!  Premature Ingestion!  Fire, rocks, and or other means to end unlife!"  As one, the collected undead seemed to lean forward, and Lincoln quickly got to the point.  "But I cannot realize this dream alone!  Or in small groups!  Which is where you come in!  Yes, Zombies, you can have a positive impact on your world!  With copies of this book, you can spread out, and share the word of Bizmuth, while increasing awareness of the lack of Necromancers!  You can become guides,ushering in a new era of peace, prosperity, a-"

A zombie near the front shakily raised a near skeletal arm.  Lincoln stopped, gave it a look, and asked, "Question?"

"Yeah.  Wot about entertainment?  Bein' dead's right stiff boring!  Chasin' after you lot's been the most fun we've had in ages," it moaned, and several others agreed with various nods of the head and groaning encouragement.

"You do realize living people would be more willing to talk to you folks if you wern't attempting to eat them, right?"

"But makin' them Dead's the only way we can talk to 'em!" shouted another of the undead, towards the middle.  "Ain't no more fleshies that can talk to us.  How else can we learn new an' excitin' things?"

Lincoln turned to Fritz.  "That antennae the General was putting up."

"Yes...?" Fritz answered,still nervously eying the horde.

"Can it rebroadcast TV and Radio?"

Fritz gave him a look.  "No.  It's just a high powered repeater for our radios.  Why?"

Lincoln gestured to the zombies. "They're bored.  Figured I'd give them TV."

"What."