Ears for grass

1/3
>Work nights.
>Day sleeper.
>Hard enough dealing with asshole people who think it's okay to keep you up all day.
>Now there's fucking fluffy ponies.
>Damn things have infested the whole town.
>4 times this month they've "taken over" your yard.
>Babbling inanely.
>Squealing and shrieking as they play.
>Crying when they get hurt.
>Knocking on the door, asking for "nummies."
>You've tried scaring them off.
>They just come back.
>Exterminators cost a fuckton of money.
>Don't want to put up a fence...it's rental property.
>Now they're back a 5th time.
>This time you're gonna make a serious impression.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing here?"
>Fluffy ponies stomp at the ground and puff up cheeks.
>"Hooman weave! Fwuffies wan' dis gwassies!"
>Just like always.
"You want my grass, you have to pay."
>Fluffy ponies look confused.
>"Pway?"
"No assholes...pay."
>This is way too complicated for them.

2/3
>Pull out the playpen you bought from neighbor.
>His kids outgrew it.
>Round up fluffy squatters...they still think it's a game.
>Squealing in delight as you chase them.
>Finally, they're all collected in the playpen.
>"Wet fwuffy out!" "Wan pway again!" "Hungwy fow gwassies!"
"If you want my grass you have to give me something."
>Fluffies are still confused by the concept.
>Finally, one offers "Gif huggies?"
>All fluffies join in, hopping and chattering about giving you huggies.
"No, I want something I can use."
>Smarty friend of herd puff up cheeks and snorts.
>"No wike game! Wet fwuffies out ow gif owwiees!"
>Okay...that little shit is first.
>Pick him up by fluff.
>Smarty friend squeals in pain, kicking stubby legs.
"Go ahead...give me 'owwies' now."
>Smarty friend writhes and kicks to escape.
"You can't give me owwies...I'm taking something else."
>Grab fluffy ear...twist it savagely.
>Smarty friend screams and thrashes.
>"Arrrrgghhh! Owwiiiee! Stawp huwt fwuffy! Stawp owwiees!"
>Rip ear clean off.
>Drop bleeding smarty friend on the grass.
>He rolls around, crying and trying to hug his ear.
"I like this ear. You can eat my grass for 1 hour."
>Other fluffies panicking and bawling.
>They can't escape the playpen.
>Pooping in terror...good thing neighbor doesn't want playpen back.
"Okay, who else wants to eat grass?"

3/3
>One by one, every squirming fluffy is lifted out of the pen.
>One by one they each lose one ear.
>Take it slow to really let the terror soak in.
>Each fluffy cries and pleads.
>"Pwease don' take 'way eawe...pwease don' huwt fwuffy!"
"I thought you wanted grass?"
>Rip one ear off each fluffy pony.
>At last the job is done.
>Fluffies lay on the grass, crying and bleeding.
>Huggies do nothing to ameliorate the pain.
>Very little grass is eaten.
"Okay...your one hour is up."
>Fluffy ponies have no understanding of time.
>They understand loss though.
>"Whaaahhh!" "Hooman take eawe...now no can hav gwassies?"
"You can have another hour...for your other ear."
>Fluffy ponies squeal in horror and put their tiny hooves over their remaining ears.
"Okay...no ears...no grass.  Get out of my yard."
>Forlorn fluffies obey, limping out, still crying and bleeding.
>Once they're gone, sink a 4x4 beam into the front yard.
>Nail every fluffy ear you took to grizzly tree.

>Weeks pass.
>Your herd of fluffies is easy to recognize.
>Whole group with only one ear each.
>They stay far away from your neighborhood.
>Herds of fluffies come thru your neighborhood almost every day.
>They pause at your lush green yard.
>Drooling over succulent grass.
>Then they see the ear-tree.
>Word has spread thru the fluffy herds.
>Your lawn is a place of terror.
>Fluffies flee when they see the terrible tree.
>You never have a problem with fluffies again.
>Even your human neighbors are more respectful and quiet.
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>Time to get some sleep.