tardwallet

Ingredients:
-Two USB drives. Ideally from a non-sketchy source, ideally both 32GB+
-a PC that can boot from USB (some shitterbooks do not allow this)
-Any Linux ISO, for noobs I'd recommend ubuntu or Linux Mint
https://ubuntu.com/download/desktop
https://www.linuxmint.com/download.php
-something to flash those ISOs to a usb drive, I recommend Etcher
https://etcher.balena.io/
-The Monero GUI wallet
https://web.getmonero.org/downloads/#gui
or
https://github.com/monero-project/monero-gui/releases
-A piece of paper and a pen
-an internet connection

1- Use Etcher to flash linux installer onto USB 1
2- plug usb 1 and 2 into PC
3- boot from usb 1 installation drive
4- install linux onto usb 2, use strong passwords
5- back on your main PC, format USB 1 as you no longer need it
6- download monero gui onto usb 1
7- boot up usb 2, run an update
8- disconnect usb 2 installation from the internet completely. Tell wifi settings to forget the password, even.
9- plug usb 1 in, copy over monero gui,
10- set up a new wallet in monero GUI
11- write down the 25-word seed phrase on the sheet of paper, along with the restore height (the block you created the wallet at, it's pointless to check the previous decade of transactions of you know you received nothing before that time)

Take note how the final word of the sequence is a repeat of one of the other words. The final word is a checksum and can be omitted from the paper if you choose, to offer even more security for the physical paper being found by someone. All you'd need to do is remember the checksum word, or re-try random words from the sequence until one of them restores the correct wallet.

12- create a text file containing your new wallets main address, as well as several sub-addresses if you choose, save it to usb 1
13- poke around the GUI wallet and study it, create several QR codes for the wallet and save them to usb 1
14- you can even create a view-only version of the wallet which can safely be kept on your main PC to monitor all incoming (but due to limitations in the tech, not outgoing) transactions and save that to usb 1 as well.
15- save everything, shut down usb 2, put it somewhere safe and separate from the sheet of paper.