ohgodtheposting

Conrad had never had a night like last night before. Mostly he went home a bit drunk and a bit grumpy, and flopped into bed to sleep it off. Not great, as these things went, but it was the routine. But this time, there'd been a pretty girl, and a lot of nice drinks - nicer than at the xenobar, anyway - and then they'd ended up... somewhere, and all he remembered was that the world had been very, very interesting for a considerable peroid of time.

And now he was lying somewhere soft, and there was something warm next to him. Lovely. And was that music? By god, it was. What a wonderful time to be alive. Well, look out, world, here comes Conrad Svilzerian, ready for a new day!

Conrad stretched, yawned, opened his eyes, saw the trio of suited aliens standing at the foot of the bed pointing laser-beams at him, and let out a shriek that would have embarrassed his mom and dad to no end. The ebon-skinned aliens responded by hollering in straightline at him, gesturing angrily with their rifles. Some kind of lizard-dog thing jumped up and tried to crawl up the bedsheets, making an unholy noise with a too-big mouth. And, on top of that, he appeared to be naked.

This was a terrible time to be alive.