Chocolate With Nuts

[Xerizero is sitting inside of his mailbox humming. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox]
Xerizero: HI MAILMAN!
[The mailman yells in fear and runs off]
Xerizero: O.K, see you tomorrow!
[Xerizero gets out of the mailbox. Jack walks up]
Jack: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?
Xerizero: Let's see... [Looks through the mail] Denzia, Denzia, Denzia, Denzia, Denzia, Denzia, Hey! A magazine!
[Xerizero looks at the magazine]
Xerizero: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
Xerizero and Jack: [They look inside the magazine] WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
Xerizero: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
[A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown]
Xerizero: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money]
Jack: [Points at the man's feet] This guy's got shoes!
Ank: Give me that! [Takes the magazine] Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
Xerizero: Hey Ank, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
Ank: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
Xerizero: What kind of things?
Ank: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! [walks off] Now keep your paws off my mail.
Xerizero: That's it, Jack! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
Jack: Is that gonna hurt?
Xerizero: Quick Jack, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
Jack: Uh... [sweats] More time for thinking.
Xerizero: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
Jack: A chocolate bar?
Xerizero: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
[The scene changes to Xerizero and Jack exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars]
Xerizero&Jack: Fancy living, here we come!Lalalalala
Jack: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! [He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers". Xerizero and Jack walk up to a house]
Xerizero: O.K. Jack, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
[Xerizero runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door]
Xerizero: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some [holds up chocolate bar] chocolate?
Zora: Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!
Jack: Yes ma’am. With or without nuts?
Zora: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!
[Xerizero and Jack slowly back away then run off. Zora chases them while madly screaming: "CHOCOLAAATE!!!". The scene cuts to Xerizero ringing the doorbell of another house] O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step! [Nevermore opens the door] Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
Nevermore: Chocolate bars, eh?
Xerizero: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
Nevermore: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
[Jack is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants]
Nevermore: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
Xerizero and Jack: Oh, most certainly, sir!
Nevermore: Well, [chuckles] no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! [He holds up a bright-orange bag]
Xerizero: Woooooooow... what is it?
Nevermore: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
[Xerizero tries to touch it]
Nevermore: [pulls bag away] BUT, I'm wasting my time. [Walks inside] You don't need these bags.
Xerizero and Jack: We need 'em! We need 'em!
[The Nevermore grins, the scene changes to the Nevermore counting money. Xerizero and Jack are walking away with armfuls of bags]
Nevermore: So long, boys! Happy hunting! [Laughs when the two aren't looking] Suckers... [walks back inside]
Xerizero and Jack: [singing as they run off] Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
Xerizero: Let's try next door!
[Xerizero walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Nevermore comes out]
Nevermore: Yes?
Xerizero: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
Nevermore: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. [Holds up two large maroon bags]
Jack: We'll take twenty.
[Scene changes to Xerizero knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out]
Cameron: Oh, what can I do for you two nice men?
Xerizero: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
Cameron: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
Xerizero: One chocolate bar, coming up!
[Xerizero attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Jack is zipping and unzipping his pants]
Cameron: [Cameron looks at her watch] I don't have time for this.
[Cameron goes back inside, and then Xerizero pulls out a chocolate bar]
Xerizero: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-
Zora: CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!
Xerizero: -lady. [Zora chases Xerizero and Jack again while screaming: "CHOCOLAAAATE!". The scene cuts to Xerizero and Jack sitting in a diner] We're not doing so well, Jack. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
Jack: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
Xerizero: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
Jack: He said we were mediocre...
Xerizero: That's it! He made us feel special!
Jack: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
[Jack runs to the door]
Xerizero: NO, wait Jack!
[Jack freezes in place]
Xerizero: Why don't we try being nice?
Jack: Oh, okay.
[Scene changes to Xerizero and Jack walking up to a customer's door]
Xerizero: Remember Jack, flatter the customer. Make them feel good.
[Jack knocks on the door, a customer opens the door]
Eternagius: Hello?
Jack: I love you.
[A harp is heard playing, Eternagius stares at Xerizero and Jack for a few seconds, then she slams her door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming]
Xerizero: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
[Xerizero rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door]
Eternagius: Please, G-Go away.
Xerizero: Um, [clears throat] H-H-How you doin'?
Eternagius: How am I doing?
Xerizero: Wanna buy some chocolate?
Jack: We got him now!
Eternagius: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?
[Jack's belly is bubbling]
Jack: Hee hee, it tickles!
Eternagius: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
[The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13]
Eternagius: You can keep that for 5 bucks.
Jack: I'll take 10!
[Cut to Xerizero with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays]
Xerizero: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.
[Cut to Jack staring at the pictures]
Jack: Huh?
[Far cut]
Xerizero: [raising his fist] Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
Jack: [Removing pictures from his face] Huh?
Xerizero: [Holding out his hand] Let's shake on it.
Jack: [Looking at Xerizero confused] Did you say something?
[Cut to the other customer's house, Xerizero and Jack are seen entering the view]
Xerizero: Remember Jack, focus.
[Cut to the door, Xerizero knocks on it, customer answers]
Minuki: Yes?
Xerizero: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?
[Jack somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth]
Minuki: Why is Tubby here staring at me?
[Cut to Jack's eyes]
Jack: Focusing.
[Cut to the inside of the customer's house]
Minuki: Back off, Jack!
[The customer slams the door on Jack's eyes, Jack is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door]
Jack: [Moving eyes around] Nice place you got in here.
[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene]
Xerizero: I can't understand what were doing wrong.
Jack: I can't understand anything
Xerizero: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
[Cut to the sign]
Jack: [reading the sign] Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Xerizero: They are most certainly not delicious!
Jack: [smiling] Not the way I use them!
[Cut to Xerizero]
Xerizero: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
[Cut to Jack]
Jack: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Xerizero: [Happily] That's it, Jack! We've gotta stretch the truth!
Zora: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
[Xerizero and Jack run off, cut to Nyx's house]
Xerizero: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!
Jack: The kill!
[Xerizero uses the doorbell, Nyx answers]
Nyx: Yes?
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Xerizero: Hello, young lady.
[Xerizero winks at Jack, Jack then chuckles]
Xerizero: We're selling chocolate. [Getting a closer look at Nyx] Is your guardian home?
[Cut to Nyx]
Nyx: RANTH!
Ranthael: [Entering from the right side of the house] What, what, what's all the yelling?
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to Ranthael]
Ranthael: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Nyx: They're selling chocolate.
Ranthael: Chocolate?
Nyx: Yeah!
[Cut to Nyx and Ranth]
Ranthael: What, what are they selling?
Nyx: Chocolates!
Ranthael: What?
Nyx: CHOCOLATES!
Ranthael: I can't hear you!
Nyx: THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!
Ranthael: They're selling chocolate?
Nyx: YEAH!!
[Cut to a close-up of Ranthael smiling]
Ranthael: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
[Cut back to view Nyx and Ranth]
Ranthael: I always hated it!
[Cut to Xerizero sweating]
Xerizero: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
[Jack comes from the top left]
Jack: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
[Cut to Nyx and Ranth, Nyx is heard saying no constantly]
Ranthael: Live forever you say? I'll take one. [Nyx slaps her face. Cut to the outside, Nyx pays Xerizero a dollar]
Ranthael: [From inside house] Come on, you lazy Nyx! [Cut to Nyx] Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
Nyx: [looking at Xerizero and Jack angrily] I hate you. [Slams door. Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Xerizero: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!
Jack: [Raising fist] Hooray for lying!
[Bubbles come up and cut to Xerizero and Jack, Jack is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh]
Xerizero: It'll make your hair grow.
[Cut to Kaj]
Kaj: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack, Jack has a sad face this time]
Xerizero: It'll make you sound smart.
[Cut to the customer holding money]
Teruchi: I'll take 20!
[Cut to Jack]
Jack: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
[Cut to the two Jacks]
Jack 2: Just in time.
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack over and over]
Xerizero: They'll make you fly!
Jack: You'll fall in love!
Xerizero: They'll bring world peace!
Jack: You'll walk through walls!
Xerizero: [ecoing] You'll rule the world!!
[Cut to a door, Xerizero and Jack are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Jack]
Jack: This'll be the best lie yet!
[Cut to Xerizero]
Xerizero: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
[Customer opens door]
Customer: What can I do for you boys?
[Cut to Xerizero]
Xerizero: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
Customer: Really?
[Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body]
Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack, who are completely stunned]
Xerizero: [nervously] Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
[Cut to the customer]
Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck.
[A violin begins]
Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry]
Customer: At night, [A tear runs down Xerizero's cheek] I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
[Cut to the customer, the wires snap]
Customer: [About to fall] Oh, no...
[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps]
Customer: [On the last step] Ow...
[Cut to Xerizero and Jack]
Xerizero: Come on, Jack, let's help him!
[Cut to the inside of Xerizero's house. Xerizero and Jack enter from the left]
Xerizero: Careful, put him down gently.
[Jack drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer]
Customer: [In pain] Ow...!
[Cut to Xerizero]
Xerizero: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?
[Cut to the customer]
Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars. [gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene. Cut to the customer looking out his window as Xerizero and Jack walk by]
Customer: Such nice boys, [far cut to the customer] it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!
[Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Nevermore from earlier. Cut to the street]
Xerizero: [grunting] Don't get me wrong, Jack. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.
[Xerizero makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to Xerizero with a box flat on his face]
Xerizero: Let's admit it, Jack. We're failures.
Jack: [Walking in from the left] I can live with that. [Places box on Xerizero's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]
Xerizero: Let's change our names to Why and Bother.
[Zora appears behind the box]
Zora: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!! [Screams and knocks Xerizero, Jack and the boxes over. Cuts to Xerizero and Jack. Xerizero and Jack babble]
Xerizero: No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.
Jack: No! Don't hurt us, Zora. Please Spare Me! [Cuts to Tom laughing manically]
Zora: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... I'd like to buy all your chocolate. [Holds up a large amount of cash. Cut to Xerizero and Jack looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Jack's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to the three, Xerizero and Jack melt]
Xerizero: Thank you for your patronage.
[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Jack is pushing a wheelbarrow]
Jack: Are we living the fancy life yet, Xerizero?
[Cut to the money in the barrel, Xerizero pops out]
Xerizero: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.
[Cut to the two]
Jack: But what are we going to spend it on?
[Cut to Xerizero thinking. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen. Cut to the inside of the boat]
Ank: [Walking in from the left] Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.
[Cut to the server]
Server: Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.
[Cut to Ank shocked]
Ank: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?
[Cut to the Server and Ank]
Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their [leaning over to Ank] dates.
[Cut to Xerizero, Jack, Nyx, and Ranthael, Nyx is seen holding a glass]
Xerizero: So, how long have you two known each other?
[Pause]
Ranthael: What? What did he say?