Thread 12: Stories 121-129

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>TS
"AJ"
'Rara'
[RD]
{FS}
-PP-
~~~
{So if you see someone who looks like me, sounds like me, and acts like me if I was some Republican supervillain from a Saturday Morning cartoon show, please blow her up. The real me will survive.}

"Righ'... So, Dash, how're thing's goin' wit' tha Wonderbolts?"

[Hopeful yet still depressing. Even though she can't fly, Scootaloo's turning out to be a better Wonderbolt than Fleetfoot! Let me stress that again: Scootaloo can keep in formation, follow orders and instruction, conduct herself with proper conduct, and aim better with a battle saddle than a grown mare! But even if you counted her, I'm still down to five Wonderbolts, most of whom were supposed to have still been in training.]

>Oh, good news, Lightning dust's body is accepting the artificial kidneys, she should be back on duty soon.

[Good news at last! Hang on, I have an favor I wanna hit you up on later. First I'm wondering why Pinkie's so quiet?]

-Hm? oh! Well that's my little secret! Or should I say, secrets? .... No, secret is right.-

'Darling, please tell me you didn't become with child from Cheese Sandwich.'

-huh? No way!-

{Oh, thank Celestia's mother, I was genuinely terrified at the thought of her spawning.}

>We all were, Fluttershy.

-But Cheesey and I are working on something super special awesome! we got the idea when we went to a party in the Crystal Empire and saw Shining sitting on a bench while Two rode a merry-go-round!-

"knowin' yer logic alone, Pinkie, this could mean anythin' from an amusement park... To your grocery shoppin' list."

>By the way, Applejack, how's having Rarity for a roommate?

'Do you remember the sleep over, deary?'

>Yess...

"It's absolutely nothin' like that fer tha most part."

'You still hog all the sheets.'

"Git some more from mah closet!"

>Some things never do change...
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>32
"Pommel"
'Flim'
-Flam-
[???]

>'-And you and I will settle down in a cottage built for two~-'

>Dear little buttercup~

-Sweet little buttercup~

'My little buttercup~'

>'-I loooove yoooou~-'

>...no one must ever know that happened.

"Too late, heard it all!"

>Blast.

Pommel trotted in, sliding another tray of food under each cell door.

"Worry not, my friends, I come bearing dinner."

>Consider that our payment for the gig.

-We sold out the cellblock!-

'Standing room only!'

-And not just because there's no chairs!-

"Just eat the gruel, you jokers."

32 did as bade, eating slowly.

"So hey, your story, yeah?"

>Hm? Ah yes, I suppose I trailed off topic after we started speaking about my shape-shifting. By which I mean you calling out requests and me obliging.

"Your Dusty Trails is impeccable by the way. Even if it's pretty useless in the grand scheme of things."

>But ah yes, where was I?

"You'd spied some Morlock fishermen and were going to disguise yourself as one of them and infiltrate."

>Aha, yes. I knew passing myself off as one of their particular group was foolishness, so I went for the long con. Their camp-if you could call it that, it was more like an organized huddle-was situated beside the river, so I shifted into a suitably pathetic form and went for a dip.

"Passing yourself off as some kind of castaway?"

>Indeed, mewling for help in no particular language, a poor little creature who'd been swept away in the river. Of course knowing now what I do, they were just as likely to spear me and eat me as they were to give me help. I suppose it was providence that these fellows had a sliver of compassion.

"Otherwise you wouldn't be serenading me along with the two ghoulish gadgeteers."

>Heh, indeed. Soon I was among their number, watched at all times, given only a small amount of food, but for the first time in forever, I was something resembling safe, and in the very ranks of my enemy at that. It was here that-

[CRAKALAKABOOOOM!]

>...

"Uh..."

-'What the devil was that!?'-

[Oh yeah, Shiny's door isn't the only one this rump can conquer! Hey, Jerkjack, you down here?]

>...what?

[Jerkjack's what I'm calling you now, because between you and 42, that's one two too many and I like her more.]

>How mature...what do you want?

[You to come with me, you're being extradacted out of Equestrian custody!]

>Extradited.

[Rebels don't get to make up words, now you, guard guy, unlock the cell and get him out, it's time he got brought under...the Queen's justice!]

>...Pommel, I couldn't see her, did she pump her foreleg when she said the last bit?

"Yes."

>Kill me...

[Only if you try to run~]

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>Luna
"77"
'50'
-32-
[88]
(93)

It was well into their third night of searching, the parade of memories, predictions, and flights of fantasy had been nigh continuous every time 77 closed his eyes. Luna had to admit, the insect was showing a lot of patience with it all, maybe it was the caves, maybe it was his discipline, but nothing seemed to deter him.

>We are checking this cluster now.

"I doubt you'll find what we're looking for there, those memories are from before I even entered the cave."

>Was it not you who impressed upon us the need to check every nook and cranny of your wrinkled little brain?

"Point, do as you wish."

Luna swiped her hoof this way and that, switching from vague inputs from the changeling's larval stage, to his early training, to one or two operations he engaged in. Nothing stood out as interesting, until...

>Now what is this?

The image Luna beheld depicted several changeling standing around of all things, a quite sizable cake.

"Oh...yes. That."

>Is this the infamous cake that got you sent into the caves?

"The same."

>Hmm...would you be angry if we were to...

"Go ahead, I put the past behind me some time ago."

Luna grinned and concentrated on the memory, slowly it came to life in the midst of a heated argument. One changeling with an authoritative air about him was berating the others, with only two standing their ground.

'-and I have never seen such a disgrace in all my years as a member of this legion! What were you thinking!?'

[Don't look at US, 50, it was 93 and 14 that stole this stupid thing.]

(What!? Hey, don't throw us under the bus!)

-You would rather we take the fall for your foible? You should have realized before how easily a cake can spoil!-

(Oh shut up, 32, it's not like you're some kinda genius! Mr. Hoity Toity infiltrator's down here with the fighters now and he's acting like he's the best!)

[Says the half-wit drone, the Queen should have culled the lot of you. Would have made us much more maneuverable.]

'Enough!'

The troop with the exception of 88 and 32 shrank back, a younger, still two-eyed 77 nearly hid behind them.

'You are all just as much to blame as the two actual delinquents! You have shamed the hive with your nonsensical grandstanding and therefore punishment is in order. As the Queen cannot eat this cake, you shall all eat it instead, and march with its rotten weight in your stomachs! 21 and I shall supervise, of course.'

There was a groan from the group but 50's authority and his silent aide's menace made them fall in quickly. As though they were being sent to the gallows, the ten changelings began to eat the cake as their superiors smirked. The memory faded out.

>...77...

"I am aware."

>You did not steal this cake, you-

"Were being punished, I know. Now you see why it didn't cross our minds in the caves, we thought the punishment had already been doled out, we did not even know the Queen was privvy to it and saw the punishment AS a crime."

>Have you ever tried to-

"No. Well, yes. When I was reunited with the Queen, if it did prove true we were sentenced to hell over a cake I would have revealed it to her, but...I saw her remorse, her sadness at what had occurred. I could not stand to gove her more reason for that heartache, so here it is, unknown to any but myself..

>And your incarcerated sibling.

"Yes...but he's in a cell, rotting away over some pretense of honor. The Queen will not come to him nor he to her, so the secret remains as is. Can I trust you not to let it loose, your majesty? I know that my Queen can have a...trying personality, but to sink this blade further into her heart would benefit no one.

>You have our word, 77. Know that with such compassion in your heart, we now understand how your mind has split the way it has.

"...thank you, your majesty, but I must continue the search, this vision cannot be allowed to slip through the cracks."

77 returned to his search, and Luna to hers. She did not know what motivated the strange little warrior, but she did know that his spirit was noble, even as she continued her observation of his hellish days in the caves.

And the search went on...
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>AJ56
“Poindexter”
‘Batmom’
-Dadling-
~~~~~~~~

“You’re trying to set me up for failure, aren’t you, 56?”

>What? No! Look, dude, I’m serious- it never fails. You just sorta lean into it….

“You lean into the plot.”

>Yeah, like- do it like this, see? Leeeeean….

“So like thissss…? Am I leaning the right amount?”

>Scale it back twenty percent. Less lean. That’s too much, you’ll hurt the plot.

“Oh, right, sorry.”

-What… in the hell’re you two doing?-

>Oh hey, Dadling, Batmom!

‘Bat… mom? What? That’s not my name, it’s-'

>No, ‘Dex, that’s still too far, man, you gotta approach it slowly!

“This shouldn’t be so difficult…”

>Obtaining the perfect booty is never easy!

‘Obtaining the perfect booty?’

-Oh, honey, this is 56. He’s well known for snuggling rears. That’s his special talent, buttsnuggling.-

‘Ah, I see… w-well, that’s… nice?’

>Thanks! One day I’ll have stuffed my face into every rump on sunbutt's great world!

-Dream big, 56.-

‘…’

“So, uh… where are you two headed?”

-Finally got muh sweetheart here to grow a pair of ovaries and tell Luna what’s going on. Concerning us. And with what’s in her.-

56 made a swirling motion with his hoof, tongue poked out to the side.

>If ya got some news for Moons that might blow her stack, and this sounds like it’s gonna make her drop the moon, might I suggest working her rear about yaaay so? Counter-clockwise, usually gets her purring and in a good mood!

-Oh really? Thanks for the advi- UMPH!-

‘No thank you, 55-‘

>56!

‘-as the only plot this idiot here is allowed to touch is mine. Every Tuesday and Friday. Saturday too if I’m feeling magnanimous.’

>GASP! A limit on booty-grabbing? And it’s yours?! THE HORROR!

-Stray far away from the married life, 56, faaaaaar away….-

‘What was that?’

-N-nothing! Let’s go, dear.-

“Well, they’re a nice couple. …Huh. 56, why didn’t you get her plot?”

>’Cause I have some integrity, ‘Dex. That plot’s taken. First rule of the Booty club, you do not talk about the Booty Club. Second rule of the Booty Club, you do not go after owned booty.

“Ah, right….”

>And, heh, I already got a noseful of her rump numerous times in the past, she just doesn’t remember.

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>Cadance
“Shining”
‘Celestia’
-Chrysalis-
________

Celestia’s horn gave off a sudden yellow glow and she answered it.

‘Hello?’

“Celly, it’s me.”

‘Shiny? Well, this is a pleasant surprise, you calling me for a ch-'

“I need you to get your fat ass to my office. Fast. Like, retroactive to me even asking. Now.”

‘Oh my, a married stallion asking the princess to get her fat ass to his office? Trying to ignite the flames of yesterday, are we?’

“That’s exactly it.”

‘...What?’

“If you want this you have t-minus ten seconds to g-”

The speed at which Celestia fired up the experimental portal and appeared next to the other alabaster pony of different gender was mindboggling. But she did it, and there she stood behind Shining, staring down at him.

“I really don’t know why that surprised me, but it did. I’m truly stunned, good job.”

‘Save the talk for later. What’s the deal here, is this happening or…?’

“You’re almost as bad as Chrysalis sometimes, you know that?”

‘If it weren’t for being the monarch of an entire country, I’d do things that made her attempts look like a filly’s prank by comparison.’

“Well, that’s a nice mental image. And no, I was joking, I just needed you here. Besides, your nethers carry the heat of the very sun remember? Not even with a rented dong, Celly.”

There was no holding back Celestia’s sigh.

‘Yeah, I figured, I was just hoping that maybe a way had been found or something… anyway, what’s this now?’

“Look…”

‘Okay, I’m looking… I'm looking… all I see is Cadance wearing glasses and doing paperwork.’

“Right.”

‘What’s so strange about that?’

“I’m going to give it a few seconds to let what you just said sink in.”

The princess continued to stare at Shining, one eyebrow cocked. Why would she find Cadance filling out forms so…

Her neck nearly snapped with the speed at which she turned back to the boney-assed, pink alicorn.

‘CADANCE? DOING WORK?!’

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

The alicorn in question only rustled her wings.

>Hardy har har, can you two please keep it down? I’m trying to figure out this weeks diamond revenue. We’ve seen a substantial boost ever since we began trading with Appleloosa so they could use some to build their new railroads….

‘…’
“…”

‘Okay, this? This right here? This is scary. And not even ‘Equestria is burning to the ground’ scary but ‘we just ran out of cake’ scary.’

“What’s more scary is your obviously messed up priorities, Celly, but no, yeah, this is rather disturbing. …Uh, honey, are you feeling okay?”

>Never better, sweetheart. Now if I could just find form 15 to go with these invoices I think I’d be able to pinpoint that deficit from last week, hrm… Oh, and Shiny?

“Y-yes?”

>I was thinking, after I balance our coffers, perhaps you and I could spend some time together? Alone? With a bed involved? I just picked out some really mood-making pink sheets!

“…”

‘She used a color to actually describe a color….I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! IT’S THE END OF DAYS! I MIGHT AS WELL DROP THE SUN RIGHT NOW!’

“CELLY NO!”

But Celestia had already fanned her wings to their glorious length and dove through the window, only needing one flap to get airborne.

“Oh shit… ohshitohshitohshit… honey? I think you doomed us all…”

>Pft… pfffhahaha! I didn’t doom anything! That was just a trick! See, I told you, Chrysalis!

Shiny could only stare in bafflement as the called Changeling queen sauntered out from the shadow behind the door looking quite pouty.

-I can’t believe that worked… Darn it, Shiny, you make me soooo mad sometimes, thank God for that ass.-

“Okay, put my ass on hold for a second- NO DON’T ACTUALLY HOLD IT.”

-Oh. My bad…-

“Just tell me what’s going on here? And fast, before we all die.”

>Chrysalis bet me I couldn’t trick you guys by acting different! It took me four months of nonstop studying to pull this off but it was worth it! You should’ve seen the look on your faces, Celly’s turned bright 48!

“…”

-And I’m out 100 bits… buuut at least I got a show so meh. Still fabulous with a huge, sexy rump!-

“That’s about to be burned to a crisp blacker than the souls of Tartarus. Because of a prank.”

-Ooooh, right…-

Silence.

>-“CELLY NO!”-

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>32
"Chrysalis"

>So the ballroom isn't just a ballroom, it is in fact a lovely little cross section of what remains of our species.

"Yeah, isn't it great?"

>Our numbers are in the double digits and-...why is that drone trying to juggle when he has holes in his legs?

"Because he dares to dream. But enough of your complaining, I'm about lay down the law on you!"

>I'm on pins and needles...

"Jerkjack, you have dared to question your Queen's abilities! This is a crime that most would think was unforgivable, but I'm going to be gladius here-"

>Gracious.

"-and-hey! Monologuing here, you mind? As I was saying I've freed you from your cell and taken you back into my fold, you have your freedom."

>Ah, well, finally! Back to the caves I go, tell Pommel I'll tell him the rest of my story via carrier bat!

32 attempts to leave the room were thwarted as a green magical aura surrounded him.

"Ah ah ah~! Here's the rub, ye of little faith, you aren't allowed to return to your dinky little cave until I prove to you I'm a great Queen!"

>What!? This is ridiculous!

Chrsyalis grinned.

"You're gonna sit here and watch me rebuild our empire brick by brick, and I'll be expecting an apology when I do!"

>And if I try to return to my home?

"Then I'll sic 42 on you, she just recently proved she was the single biggest badass-besides me, duh-in all Equestria, so I figure she's itching to go on a little hunt."

>...Well, if you need me, I think I'll return to my cell.

"What? No! Did this not translate? You're sort of free now, you don't have to sit in a cell!"

>In there my sentence was only a few months, you've effectively imprisoned me for all eternity.

"...you are such a pesticide, Jerkjack."

>Pessimist.

"Fuck you."
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>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
~~~~

>HHRRRKK.... HRRRRRKkkk...FUCKING HRRRRRRRRKKKK!

"Do ya'll need help with that?"

>Back off, Applebottom! This is not for you, or that moon-tramp-stamped one, or Celestia!

"Kinda hurt she doesn't get the nickname treatment. But Ah' wasn't plannin' on stealin' yer cake."

>Good! Cause-HRRRK-this is not for you!

"Okay, Chrysalis? That thing is almost touchin' the ceiling. IN THE CASTLE. Ah' ain't sayin' ya can't possibly eat a tenth of that, because Ah' don't feel Ah' really have ta'. This is clearly outside yer' capabilities. Ta' be frank, it looks like it's outside yer' capabilities ta' MOVE, let alone actually eat."

>I'm not going to eat it! Well, not alone. I still get the best piece, obviously.

"And now Ah' just confused."

>This is a cake, OF CELEBRATION!

"Ya' finally decided ta' stop chasin' a married stallion? Congrats!"

>Hardy har har. Funny.

"It's not, actually. But whatever, what're ya' celebrating?"

>Me being the most amazing Queen, OF ALL TIME!... Officially! With numbers!

"Uh-huh..."

>No, really! I just got word that they spotted 55 wandering around Apploosa, and you know what that means?

"The pony who made up the concept of survival of the fittest never met ya'll?"

>Right! Sort of. Anyway, it means we've now gone SIX WHOLE MONTHS without a single Changeling cas... caus... none of them died! That's the longest EVER without a dead Changeling! Either by external means or one of the Queens getting bored.

"Horrifyin'."

>And, when you think about it, because 77 and Jerkjack are here, that means it's even better than when we first arrived! We have negative dead changelings!... I feel like there's a better word for that.

"Well... congrats, Ah' guess. What was the previous record?"

>Three months, but that was a little unfair because they were frozen in time or something, according to mom. Not us! I'm TWICE as awesome as the most awesome! And way, way more awesome if we don't count that event, since the only other record was a couple weeks or something. So, everyone gets cake. Just this once! To celebrate a whole half a year without us killing each other.

"Well, Ah'm glad for ya'."

>Really?

"Yeah. It's actually gotta be hard keepin' those guys from seriously hurtin' themselves, and none of 'em starved despite nopony willing ta' actually feed 'em some love, ya' deserve props fer' that Ah' guess.

>....Ahhhh, fine.

A magical green blade cut off a slice, and presented it to the orange princess.

"Is this yer' way of thankin' me fer' helpin' ya?"

>Nah, you just looked hungry. Now, if you don't mind...HRRRRRKkk...HRRRRRRRKk...

"Need help?"

>Nope. HRRRRKkk... KKKKRRRKKKRR!

"Well, if ya'll insist. Congratulations again, Queeny."

>Just doing-HRRRRKKK-what I do-HRRRK...

"...huh. Maybe she is the best Queen of all time. Ain't sayin' much, but... it's somethin'."

>HRRRRRRRK
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

*SLAM!*

>YOU!

"...Wow, it feels real weird to be on the other side of that. Is that as annoying for you guys as that is for me? I'd apologize, but I cannot bring myself to give a fuck."

>How did you do it?

"Step one, disguised myself as Cadence. Step two, mind zotzed Shiny when he noticed my many inconsistencies. Step three, face down ass up-"

*BLAM!*

"GAH!"

>You tampered with it! HOW!?

"Does this discussion really need laser beams?"

*BLAM!*

>HOW!?

"Just to clarify, magic room?"

>IT'S CALLED-

"Not giving a fuck, that's what it's called. And yes, I 'tampered' with it. Sadly not for simulated Shiny sex, and I am still mad you put a lock on that scenario, but for your little 'record keeping'."

>Why!?

"Because I decided to chat with some folks long gone and I would prefer to keep that conversation silent. More specifically, the 'try to kill each other' segment."

>What. Are. You. Hiding.

"Several abilities, capabilities in fighting, and more than a few buried secrets revealed through some choice words. In short, lots of info you just do not need to know about."

>...How did you get past my security.

"I asked Shiny to do it for me. Can't do it myself, your nerd language might as well be a halluciantion, but he obliged me. Deleted every record, backup record and hidden file recording exactly what transpired in it."

>...

"No, I didn't make sure he didn't look. Didn't need to. I know he left it alone."

>...This could have compromised the entire device, it could have left it vulnerable.

"Oh?"

>If this is how you're going to be, stay out of there entirely. A whole bunch of important unrelated data was deleted thanks to you. Stay away from it.

"Oh, if you insist."

>...I don't trust you, Chrysalis. Do not push my buttons like this.

She left with an angry flourish, her magic slamming the twin doors behind her to punctuate her point.

"...Heh."

Her lips curled into a smile.

"I guess you are the smart one."
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>Twilight
"32"
~~~~
"The legendary Princess of Magic, to what do I owe the honor of being brought out of my cell for?"

>I thought you might enjoy a nice hay burger and fries, you know, something people who share a common outlook might make a meal over.

"It is quite delicious, but the prison food has grown on me quite well. So let's be honest, what's the about. Really about?"

>... What are your loyalties to Chrysalis and the Hive?

"Chrysalis and the Hive? You make the same mistake every changeling has, I don't blame you, but only I see it: the Queen is not the hive."

>Indeed she isn't... Speak of this to part to no one, it violates Doctor Patient confidentiality

"These are.."

>Yes, the names have been removed, but changelings, non-queen changelings are perfectly capable of spawning happy and healthy children of their own. And Chrysalis herself has been a little.. Barren hasn't she?

"... to answer your question, I will always do what I can to support my brothers and sisters, but the Queen? I would want her put under the axe. She cannot be trusted to lead anyone but to their own deaths."

>My sentiments exactly. Even after all that's happened, my brother and Cadence are still likely to take her word over mine, so that is why, I want you to follow her, to keep an eye on her. And I'm willing to give everything you need to complete your mission.

"Do you mind if I see who amongst my hive I might subvert in the meantime?"

>By all means, I love you changelings, but the blind, deaf, and dumb loyalty to Chrysalis puts a wedge between us that keeps us from being true true friends.

32 smiles and shuffles through the varies identities Twilight prepared for him and found one that caught his eye.

>So what do you say, 32?

He then shifted into a fairly normal looking earth pony and smiled.

"Call me: Ghost Rumor."

NON CANON
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