[01:10:28] LOMI: oh no...
[01:10:30] Actene: the true vision of lucas
[01:10:47] Brodie: I don't need this
[01:10:48] Actene: Before there was Hayden Christensen
[01:10:52] Actene: Before there was Jar Jar
[01:12:11] Brodie: can you imagine if after Episode I Lucas is like "Now we're doing a two hour film about the Gungans."
[01:12:33] LOMI: the difference was people somewhat liked Ewoks
[01:12:38] Actene: Caravan of Courage is 1.5 hours
[01:13:26] Actene: already off to a great start
[01:13:29] Brodie: Oh man Wilford Brimley is in this movie
[01:13:36] Brodie: please save this film diabeetus man
[01:13:41] LOMI: did you guys start it or something?
[01:13:52] Brodie: I'm about 3:20 in
[01:13:56] Actene: why is the opening credits like a fucking 60's special
[01:14:37] Actene: the ewoks look even worse than they did in ROTJ
[01:14:45] Actene: PLANET OF THE APES
[01:14:45] Brodie: is this how the Zann Consortium recruits its suicide bombers
[01:15:06] Brodie: Tyber Zann just walks through shouting "CORRUPTION!" as they stuff Ewoks into sacks
[01:15:08] Actene: how did that spear kill you dude
[01:15:15] Actene: why is this human on endor
[01:15:56] Actene: little girl do you give any fucks
[01:15:57] Brodie: remember how the Ewoks killed so many Imperial Stormtroopers
[01:16:04] Brodie: now they're getting their asses beat
[01:16:49] Brodie: gee this is kind of dark
[01:16:53] Actene: that kid got his ass beat
[01:17:00] Actene: who the fuck is this guy
[01:17:10] Brodie: is this woman a Power Rangers villain
[01:17:22] Actene: DR. ZAIUS
[01:17:33] Brodie: "I WANT DA POWAH!"
[01:17:57] LOMI: how far in are you guys?
[01:18:02] LOMI: I must join this dark quest
[01:18:17] Actene: I'm at about 7:40
[01:18:21] Brodie: Nearly 8 minutes, yeah
[01:18:32] LOMI: actually, are you doing battle for endor or caravan of courage? I saw you mention both
[01:18:34] Actene: wait did she just turn into a raven
[01:18:37] Brodie: fucking hell is this magic
[01:18:37] Actene: this is battle of endor
[01:18:44] Brodie: is she a Sith or what
[01:19:00] Actene: I think of the two, this is the better one
[01:19:19] Actene: I'd rather watch something called "Battle for Endor" than "Caravan of Courage"
[01:19:27] LOMI: i'm just gonna skip to 8 mins and see what madness is happening
[01:19:32] Actene: oh god is this kid the main character
[01:19:40] Actene: what are your credentials punk
[01:19:46] Actene: who taught you to act
[01:20:12] Brodie: Oh shit fuck no
[01:20:21] Brodie: I looked up this woman on Wookiepedia and she's a Nightsister
[01:20:34] Actene: RIP dad man
[01:20:51] Actene: fucking power rangers
[01:20:53] LOMI: I think in about the same spot. dad man just died, creepy raven is following the kid
[01:20:59] Actene: oh god what are those things
[01:21:01] Brodie: CGI dinosaur things
[01:21:06] Brodie: oh no
[01:21:10] LOMI: no, why?
[01:21:15] LOMI: dear god, what is this?
[01:21:26] Actene: lucas no
[01:21:37] LOMI: oh no, the Ewoks /talk/?
[01:21:38] Actene: THEY'RE TAKING THE EWOKS TO ISENGARD
[01:21:49] Brodie: fuck
[01:22:03] Brodie: What kind of shenanigans were taking place on Endor
[01:22:18] Actene: I'm guessing this is pre-ROTJ
[01:22:33] LOMI: well, there's not been a holocaust from the Death Star exploding, so possibly
[01:22:41] Actene: "What happens to me now? I'm all alone."
[01:22:42] Actene: George
[01:22:43] Brodie: I think this is a few years before
[01:22:45] Brodie: fuck of Wicket
[01:22:47] LOMI: Wicket, why are your eyes pointing in two directions?
[01:22:51] Actene: is this the prototype to Anakin
[01:23:20] Brodie: Poor teenage Warwick Davis just wanted to be in the movies
[01:23:20] Actene: that guy just randomly fell on his ass
[01:23:29] LOMI: or was it a rock?
[01:23:30] LOMI: I'm so confused
[01:23:37] Brodie: this is what he had to endure as an actor of his stature
[01:23:54] Brodie: are they sacrificing Wicket
[01:23:58] LOMI: yes
[01:24:07] LOMI: and of course the hole's too small for the other Ewok, he's freaking fat
[01:24:10] Brodie: "If he gets spotted and murdered we know not to try that shit
[01:24:29] Brodie: Good job, you avoided being crushed to death by a bad special effect
[01:24:35] LOMI: good to see nobody notices anything in this Power Rangers rejects caravan
[01:24:36] LOMI: oh wait
[01:24:38] LOMI: spoke too soon
[01:24:58] Brodie: Oh man, only 14 minutes in and this is already a hell of a wild ride
[01:25:10] Actene: The little girl could at least try to look like she's being hunted by murderous space apes
[01:25:40] Brodie: Five year olds just don't give a fuck
[01:25:50] LOMI: how do these guys have worse aiming skills than Stormtroopers?
[01:26:04] Actene: lmao those guys ate shit
[01:26:09] Brodie: they fell screaming into that greenscreen
[01:26:16] Brodie: god you're creepy Wicket
[01:26:19] LOMI: ah man, that painted background
[01:26:29] LOMI: Wicket, can you go back to being a RotJ side character?
[01:26:39] Actene: look at that fucking painting
[01:26:39] LOMI: I didn't need to see you like this
[01:26:50] Actene: after this girl's performance
[01:26:54] LOMI: hey, is that the end of the Temple of Doom mine shaft?
[01:27:10] Actene: Lucuas looked at episode i anakin and thought
[01:27:15] Actene: "this kid's all right"
[01:27:27] LOMI: "look at these bones, better just use them"
[01:27:32] LOMI: "who knows where they came from"
[01:27:36] Actene: wait how fast did wicket make that glider
[01:27:42] LOMI: what the heck?
[01:27:46] LOMI: is Wicket McGuyver?
[01:27:48] Actene: where did he get the fabric
[01:27:58] Actene: that thing is five times as big as he is
[01:28:05] Brodie: from the flesh of his victims
[01:28:21] LOMI: don't do it wicket
[01:28:24] LOMI: don't go for the bone
[01:28:28] Brodie: oh shit
[01:28:31] Actene: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING
[01:28:43] LOMI: is that a pterodactyl?
[01:28:52] Actene: What was the budget for this movie
[01:28:52] LOMI: nope
[01:28:55] LOMI: worse
[01:29:06] Brodie: That kid shows more concern with that retarded teddy bear than she did with her family getting butchered
[01:29:26] Actene: RIP little girl
[01:29:27] Brodie: hahahaha
[01:29:32] LOMI: what did it even do to wicket?
[01:29:34] Actene: thank you pterodactly
[01:29:37] LOMI: it just like kinda pushed him
[01:29:40] Brodie: It growled menacingly
[01:29:48] LOMI: HOW IS HE PICKING UP THE GLIDER!?
[01:29:52] Brodie: Oh shit this is hype
[01:30:05] LOMI: wicket's face is terrifying
[01:30:06] Actene: wicket gives no fucks
[01:30:07] LOMI: every time
[01:30:20] Actene: the face of a stone cold killer
[01:30:29] Actene: THAT'S HOW GRAVITY WOKRS
[01:30:34] LOMI: NO IT ISN'T
[01:30:47] Brodie: What if it's T H E  F O R C E
[01:30:56] Actene: THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS
[01:31:01] LOMI: this kid is one of the Jedi that got killed by Kylo
[01:31:10] LOMI: Luke found her during the Ewok after party
[01:31:15] LOMI: Figured, "eh, why not train her"
[01:31:19] Actene: And then it became the intro to Raiders of the Lost Ark
[01:31:20] Brodie: I looked it up and she became a journalist in the New Republic or something
[01:31:41] LOMI: wicket, get your beady eyes out of my frame
[01:32:00] LOMI: wicket, the last time you suggested a hiding spot you nearly got eaten by a dragon
[01:32:05] Actene: when's Tyber Zann going to appear
[01:32:06] Actene: CORRUPTION
[01:32:19] Brodie: He just walks in blasting Ewoks left and right
[01:32:23] Actene: What new monstrosity is this
[01:32:27] Brodie: oh fuck what was that
[01:32:30] LOMI: oh god, i'm already terrified
[01:32:34] LOMI: what the heck
[01:32:39] Brodie: run kid
[01:32:44] LOMI: just no
[01:32:54] Actene: SPEEDY GONZALEZ
[01:32:59] Brodie: is this creature the proto-Jar-Jar
[01:33:05] Brodie: I hope they murder it
[01:33:06] LOMI: this movie is the proto jar jar
[01:33:12] Actene: listen to this fucking shenanigans music
[01:33:22] LOMI: girl, give that stick back
[01:33:38] LOMI: you are its food, child
[01:33:40] Actene: oh god
[01:33:41] Brodie: Chase it down and kill it
[01:33:42] Actene: oh god
[01:33:52] LOMI: how are they keeping up with it?
[01:33:55] LOMI: it's going like 100mph
[01:33:58] Actene: no
[01:34:01] Actene: no no no
[01:34:14] Brodie: It's probably leading them to more of its kind so they can devour them
[01:34:25] LOMI: why does it get a hovel?
[01:34:38] Brodie: This is the Endor equivalent of "Hey kid I've got some candy inside this windowless van."
[01:35:03] LOMI: no way is this the abomination's home
[01:35:07] Actene: did anyone involved with this movie give a single fuck
[01:35:09] LOMI: probably an abandoned jedi or something
[01:35:21] Actene: Wicket, that's where he keeps his mother's ashes
[01:35:26] Brodie: That's not funny Wicket
[01:35:39] LOMI: kid, you're so condescending
[01:35:50] LOMI: your house?
[01:35:51] Brodie: "I found it, it's mine now."
[01:35:56] Actene: This girl's family was murdered not 12 hours ago
[01:35:57] LOMI: did you forget how everyone's kidnapped?
[01:36:00] Brodie: Snow White and the Seven Ewoks
[01:36:07] Actene: oh god
[01:36:12] Brodie: SPEAKING OF WINDOWLESS VANS
[01:36:16] Brodie: RUN KID
[01:36:20] Brodie: IT'S WILFORD BRIMLEY
[01:36:22] LOMI: there's nowhere to run
[01:36:26] LOMI: OH GOD, IT'S GEORGE LUCAS
[01:36:32] Brodie: A MAN WITH ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER DIABEETUS
[01:36:46] LOMI: KID, GET OFF MY LAWN
[01:36:56] Brodie: It'd be funny if his first act was to blast Wicket
[01:37:02] Brodie: "Dinner's served."
[01:37:10] Actene: lmao this guy is great
[01:37:19] Actene: best character confirmed
[01:37:20] LOMI: the first person with some sense in this film
[01:37:42] Actene: oh god who wrote this
[01:37:51] Brodie: I like his attitude
[01:37:52] LOMI: probably Lucas and his child
[01:37:53] Brodie: move to planet
[01:37:57] Brodie: build settlement
[01:38:06] Brodie: declare everything nearby as 'Mine'
[01:38:17] Actene: It's the white man's way
[01:38:22] Brodie: Good old colonialism wins again
[01:38:26] Brodie: HOW DID THEY MAKE MUFFINS
[01:38:32] Actene: "Hey wicket take this blanket"
[01:38:45] Actene: is he going to make them his food slave
[01:38:45] LOMI: she's like 5 and they're 2 bears
[01:38:47] LOMI: this makes no sense
[01:38:48] Brodie: Wilford don't eat those
[01:38:55] Brodie: this is how the diabeetus happens
[01:39:14] Actene: this shenanigans music
[01:39:15] LOMI: "don't you give them the food they made"
[01:39:17] Brodie: fuck that creature and its awful face
[01:39:53] LOMI: put something heavy in front of the door just to screw with the creature
[01:40:11] LOMI: THAT'S NOT HOW FIRE WORKS
[01:40:15] Brodie: Is this why this old dude's living alone on some far-off forest moon
[01:40:38] Brodie: forbidden love between old man and his abomination
[01:40:45] LOMI: they're going to burn down the forest
[01:40:48] LOMI: that fire is not contained
[01:40:49] Actene: lmao
[01:40:57] Actene: SMOKEY THE BEAR SAVES THE DAY
[01:40:59] LOMI: THANK YOU
[01:41:09] LOMI: that freaking wicket face
[01:41:20] Brodie: "Noa why are you here?"
[01:41:38] Actene: Wicket could you maybe explain that this girl's family was murdered by space monkeys
[01:41:39] Brodie: "Because the so-called Imperial Guvmint are against LOVE, that's why!"
[01:41:45] LOMI: nope
[01:41:59] LOMI: old man Brimley wants nothing to do with no b-rate power rangers villain
[01:42:09] LOMI: prepare for a dream sequence
[01:42:13] LOMI: I can feeeeeeel it
[01:42:33] Brodie: 2spooky
[01:42:44] Brodie: 'Bad Men'
[01:42:49] Brodie: You're in a house with one
[01:43:04] LOMI: and suddenly he's all friendly to the child
[01:44:03] Brodie: Wicket shut up please
[01:44:46] Brodie: what is this shit
[01:44:53] LOMI: there's a sand castle?
[01:44:57] LOMI: that can't be right
[01:45:10] LOMI: did they have any idea how Endor looks?
[01:45:36] Actene: is that a battery
[01:46:05] Brodie: this vaguely Russian bad guy in 1985
[01:46:26] Actene: FINNNNNND MEEEEEEE THEEEETTTTTTTT CHIEEEELDDDDDDDD
[01:46:29] LOMI: why is he so worried about the girl?
[01:46:42] Actene: plot
[01:46:47] Brodie: i'm reading about this woman
[01:46:55] Actene: what does this old guy even do on Endor
[01:46:59] Brodie: So she's a Nightsister who stole some talisman
[01:47:15] Actene: fuck off teek
[01:47:18] LOMI: did he seriously just use the term rugrat?
[01:48:02] Brodie: make a pie out of....flowers?
[01:48:08] Actene: what the fuck is this
[01:48:11] Brodie: I fucking knew it
[01:48:18] LOMI: how does that even work?
[01:48:20] Brodie: they are trying to give him the diabeetus
[01:49:12] Actene: wait his name's Noah
[01:49:25] Brodie: His name's 'Noa Briqualon'
[01:49:41] Brodie: He probably goes out hunting Ewoks
[01:49:42] Actene: Noa the Orange
[01:49:51] Brodie: oh man this is sinister
[01:50:13] LOMI: so apparently these space ape guys showed up in the KOTOR comics
[01:50:14] Brodie: He tells them to do all the work for him while he goes out to do creep stuff in the woods
[01:50:38] Actene: they're not even being remotely sneaky
[01:51:13] Actene: all these random scenery shots
[01:51:32] Actene: "big bush"
[01:51:35] Actene: I'm tempted to make a joke
[01:51:40] Actene: but I will refrain
[01:51:44] LOMI: guys, it's a space ark
[01:51:48] Brodie: they go inside and Noa's just furiously masturbating to some flickery hologram porn
[01:51:51] Brodie: "GET OUT!"
[01:51:52] LOMI: a space ark for noah
[01:52:14] Actene: wicket shut the fuck up
[01:52:16] LOMI: wicket, please, shut up
[01:52:17] Brodie: "I've got worse traps than this around here!"
[01:52:25] Brodie: I want to see Wicket step on a landmine
[01:52:57] Actene: why does he care if they see his ship
[01:53:07] LOMI: how do you think he got here, girl?
[01:53:19] LOMI: wicket, get that goofy grin off your face
[01:53:23] Brodie: wait
[01:53:24] Brodie: wait
[01:53:35] Brodie: is this not Rey's fucking motivation from Episode VII
[01:53:49] Brodie: "My family left a long time ago so I'm going to wait here every day until they come back."
[01:53:58] LOMI: basically
[01:54:04] Brodie: "My friend left a long time ago so I'm going to wait here every day until they come back."
[01:54:06] Actene: oh what is this bullshit
[01:54:16] Brodie: well thanks for trashing the place Wicket
[01:54:34] LOMI: oh man
[01:54:41] LOMI: I went to look up Noa's friend on Wookiepedia
[01:54:44] LOMI: the only pic is a skeleton
[01:54:45] Actene: what was the point of that scene
[01:54:53] Actene: RIP
[01:54:56] LOMI: actene, what is the point of this movie?
[01:55:11] Actene: this guy's pretty chill about his friend being dead
[01:55:17] Brodie: He's had like thirty years or something to deal with it
[01:55:28 | Edited 01:55:23] LOMI: he's had years to cope
[01:55:40] Brodie: It's okay kid
[01:55:55] Brodie: I'll build you a laser sword and direct you to their village when you get older
[01:56:04] Actene: so apparently the boy who got killed at the beginning of this movie was the protatonist of Caravan of Courage
[01:56:16] Actene: oh please no
[01:56:18] Actene: please no
[01:56:21] Actene: please
[01:56:22] Actene: stop
[01:56:26] LOMI: please stop
[01:56:37] Actene: my ears are fucking bleeding
[01:57:31] Brodie: oh what fresh hell is this
[01:57:55] LOMI: yes girl, go for the strange voice
[01:57:57] LOMI: nothing bad could happen
[01:58:05] LOMI: especially not after that dream
[01:58:13] Actene: does Noa not have locks on his doors
[01:58:28] Brodie: Noa's murdered everything in a ten-mile radius so everyone knows to stay the fuck away from him and his lover
[01:59:01] Brodie: Teek's a horrifying creature
[01:59:02] Actene: Wicket you son of a bitch
[01:59:08] LOMI: wicket, that was his piss bucket
[01:59:42] Actene: how come Wicket couldn't speak english in ROTJ
[02:00:04] Actene: that fucking song
[02:00:08] Brodie: oh what
[02:00:12] Brodie: what is this
[02:00:14] Actene: can you two not hear the singing
[02:00:15] LOMI: see, that bugged me too
[02:00:21] Brodie: THAT HORSE BETTER HAVE TENTACLES
[02:00:25] Actene: galadriel what the fuck
[02:00:34] LOMI: the old canon's "explanation" was that they aren't speaking Galactic Basic like most people
[02:00:38] LOMI: oh, what the crap?
[02:00:40] LOMI: no, stop
[02:00:45] LOMI: make this stop
[02:00:49] Actene: pls no
[02:00:51] Brodie: run kid run
[02:00:51] Actene: bad touch
[02:01:23] Brodie: did you really have to disguise the horse
[02:01:29] Actene: RIP
[02:01:36] LOMI: because that's the appropriate time to reveal yourself
[02:01:40] LOMI: not, you know, later
[02:01:46] LOMI: when you have the kid completely secured
[02:01:47] Actene: how did she disguise the horse
[02:02:07] Brodie: So when this film came out critics got shitty because that woman's force powers seemed more like fantasy magic compared to mystical force stuff
[02:02:10] Actene: GENJUTSU
[02:02:10] LOMI: "Go upstairs, I'll get my rope"
[02:02:16] LOMI: that is so easy to take out of context
[02:02:20] Brodie: then later on we get Sith Alchemy and Sorcery and shit
[02:02:29] Brodie: Teek can you get out of bed and help you lazy motherfucker
[02:02:33] Brodie: yeah run
[02:02:35] Actene: true
[02:03:20] LOMI: hey, is that Jabba's palace?
[02:03:24] Brodie: You guys were talking English
[02:03:37] Brodie: guy could you be any creepier
[02:04:12] Actene: well, he could stop talking like he's got a beaker down his throat
[02:04:16] Brodie: Monkey dude what are you even doing with the Ewoks
[02:04:25] Brodie: "I WANT DAH POWAH!"
[02:04:26] Actene: bad guy, you're talking to a five year old
[02:04:26] LOMI: don't worry child, I'm not hurting them
[02:04:34] Brodie: She's a fucking five year old what does she know
[02:04:41] LOMI: I WANT DA CORRUPTION
[02:04:44] Actene: what a great villain
[02:04:50] Brodie: Even that Nightsister woman is like "Kid just do what he says, he's crazy."
[02:05:23] Actene: wait why did he arrest the nightsister
[02:05:26] Brodie: hahaha fuck you teek
[02:05:41] Actene: teek you piece of shit
[02:06:11] Brodie: 'Wave your hands over it'
[02:06:14] Actene: THEY RUN AS IF THE WHIPS OF THEIR MASTERS WERE BEHIND THEM
[02:06:15] Brodie: YOU'RE A FORCE USER
[02:06:26] LOMI: Wicket, what do your Ewok eyes see?
[02:06:47] Actene: You fucks are using blasters
[02:06:48] Brodie: Are all of these people just stranded on this shitty planet
[02:06:51] Brodie: SKELETON
[02:06:55] Actene: how do you not realize what a battery is
[02:06:56] Brodie: 3SPOOPY6ME
[02:07:03] Actene: lmao
[02:07:08] LOMI: KEK
[02:07:18] LOMI: Nightsister, what are you on about?
[02:07:23] LOMI: Do you know nothing of star cruisers?
[02:07:26] LOMI: how did you get here?
[02:07:29] Brodie: I looked her up on Wookiepedia and she was later retconned into a Nightsister
[02:07:45] Brodie: Noa takes one look at it and is like "Well guys we tried."
[02:08:01] Brodie: Noa you should've just let Wicket jump right into the acid moat
[02:08:07] Actene: lmao what if Wicket had just jumped in
[02:08:11] LOMI: wicket, you should've swam
[02:08:16] Brodie: and while his screams attracted the guards you and your buddy sneak in
[02:09:03] LOMI: wait...
[02:09:05] Brodie: BURN WICKET
[02:09:06] LOMI: what did he just do?
[02:09:06] Brodie: BURN
[02:09:25] LOMI: so it's not acid?
[02:09:29] LOMI: disappointed
[02:09:32] Actene: I guess there's a monster
[02:09:54] Actene: Noa, you're putting your life in the hands of Wicket and Teek
[02:10:02] LOMI: guys, quick, use the force to distract the guard
[02:10:09] Brodie: fucking brutal
[02:10:28] Actene: RIP guard
[02:10:35] LOMI: and then wicket used his strange super strength to end the guards life
[02:10:38] Actene: FATALITY
[02:10:49] LOMI: drunk guards?
[02:10:51] LOMI: is this the Hobbit?
[02:10:54] Brodie: this is better than Battle of the Five Armies
[02:11:04] Brodie: I'm actually sort of enjoying this
[02:11:12] Actene: burn
[02:11:18] LOMI: IDK, Battle of the Five Armies did have war rams
[02:11:31] Actene: what was the acting directions for this scene
[02:11:38] Actene: "Just sit there and grunt like idiots"
[02:11:54] LOMI: Teek's over here like
[02:11:54] Brodie: Teek is the true monster
[02:12:00] LOMI: "Guys, do it this way"
[02:12:02] Brodie: oh what the fuck's happening
[02:12:17] LOMI: please no
[02:12:19] LOMI: guys, don't do this
[02:12:20] Brodie: this is the best
[02:12:21] Actene: it's not that funny
[02:12:28] Actene: pls no
[02:12:31] Brodie: I can't believe that works
[02:12:50] LOMI: these aren't the invaders you're looking for
[02:13:00] Actene: Noa confirmed for gray jedi
[02:13:17] LOMI: We're witnessing proto Jo Lee Bindo right here
[02:13:39] Actene: Noa you have a gun
[02:13:40] Brodie: hold the fuck up Noa, aside from not let Wicket die and shoot a rope over the wall what have you done
[02:13:41] Actene: just shoot them
[02:13:51] LOMI: he's probably one got charge for like one shot
[02:14:01] Brodie: He should just be like "I'll handle this," and murder them both
[02:14:13] Actene: you little shit
[02:14:19] LOMI: kid, don't ruin this
[02:15:00] Actene: teek what the fuck are you doing
[02:15:01] LOMI: is he trying to set him up?
[02:15:02] Brodie: oh yeah that's the way
[02:15:15] Actene: lmao
[02:15:16] Brodie: I want to play a Star Wars game as these characters
[02:15:19] LOMI: oh man, that was actually good
[02:15:28] Brodie: trick the guards into murdering each other
[02:15:32] Brodie: KOTOR writing eat shit
[02:15:53] Brodie: oh yeah kid
[02:15:59] Brodie: five years old and already making moral decisions
[02:16:03] Brodie: DARK SIDE NOISE
[02:16:04] LOMI: wicket, why?
[02:16:07] Actene: NO NOT HER
[02:16:09] Actene: SHE'S EVIL
[02:16:31] Actene: Noa, explain to her that good and evil are relative concepts
[02:16:38] LOMI: "Spare her or leave her to rot?"
leave her to rot
"*DUN DUN DUN DUN-DUN-DUN*"
[02:16:47] LOMI: wait...
[02:16:50] Brodie: They fucked up super hard
[02:16:52] LOMI: what just happened
[02:16:53] LOMI: ?
[02:17:02] Brodie: "The alarm bell!"
[02:17:14] Brodie: "Blaster fire from within our fort we can ignore, but not the alarm bell!"
[02:17:16] LOMI: that's the worst alarm bell ever
[02:17:24] LOMI: it's like an alarm wind chime
[02:17:37] Brodie: Oh I get it, Noa is the tech guy
[02:17:53] Actene: the past five minutes have just been random shots of aliens shuffling around the castle hallways
[02:17:59] LOMI: A THERMAL DETENATOR?
[02:18:05] Brodie: This is the greatest prison break in cinematic history
[02:18:14] Actene: "by golly, it's morning already"
[02:18:28] Brodie: these blasters are like popguns
[02:18:29] LOMI: the great escape got nothing on this
[02:18:45] Brodie: I wonder if one of the Ewoks is gonna fall off and die in the moat
[02:18:50] Actene: these are the most shenanigans-prone villains ever
[02:18:59] Brodie: I hope it's Wicket
[02:19:22] Brodie: "They killed him for the power thing."
[02:19:33] LOMI: "for the power thing"
[02:19:36] Actene: jeez Noa
[02:19:41] LOMI: girl, you have such good lines
[02:19:42] Brodie: are they using the equivalent of flintlock pistols
[02:19:53] Actene: just doesn't give a fuck
[02:20:06] LOMI: wicket and fatty better hurry
[02:20:32] Brodie: hahaha
[02:20:33] LOMI: has every single Ewok hit their heads on the pillar?
[02:20:55] LOMI: oh, now the beastie's back
[02:20:57] Brodie: the Uruk-Hai are mad
[02:21:09] Brodie: what kind of shitty Nightsister is she
[02:21:18] Actene: why do these guys randomly talk in alien-speak
[02:21:23] Actene: and then switch to english
[02:21:24] Brodie: Like, her only power is to turn into a bird
[02:21:27] Brodie: and that's with a ring
[02:21:33] LOMI: she is the worst nightsister
[02:21:45] Actene: I guess she needs it to use her powers
[02:21:49] Brodie: Without the ring I guess she's trapped in bird form
[02:22:19] Brodie: ^
[02:22:24] Actene: TO WAR
[02:22:30] Brodie: MARCH TO HELM'S DEEP
[02:22:33] Brodie: LEAVE NONE ALIVE
[02:22:53] LOMI: YOU SHALL KNOW NO FEAR, YOU SHALL KNOW NO PAIN
[02:22:59] Brodie: "Make for the mountains!"
[02:23:04] Actene: YOU SHALL TASTE EWOK FLESH
[02:23:09] Brodie: This is so great
[02:23:11] LOMI: RAAAAAWR
[02:24:04] Actene: CREBAIN FROM DUNLAND
[02:24:34] Actene: Noa is in no hurry
[02:24:50] Brodie: Noa wants to lead them into his trapped lands
[02:25:19] Actene: "time to arm the land mines"
[02:25:26] LOMI: "Fangorn..."
[02:25:27] Brodie: If he summons a bunch of Ents I swear
[02:25:44] LOMI: that'd be the best
[02:25:49] Brodie: hahha
[02:25:55] LOMI: Remember, he is Noah defending the Ark. Probably gonna have some fallen angel golems
[02:26:05] Brodie: "Sindel, come with me. Wicket you're in charge of the suicide squad."
[02:26:14] Actene: "you guys fight them while I hide inside the ship"
[02:26:45] Actene: "what if it doesn't work"
[02:26:46] Brodie: If it doesn't work then Noa's gonna tie Sindel to a tree and run for his fucking life
[02:26:57] Actene: "Then I'm using you as a shield"
[02:27:16] LOMI: Noa goes off to hide in the woods and wait for Salak to come back
[02:27:28] LOMI: Guys, set up the battering rams
[02:27:30] Brodie: what
[02:27:37] Brodie: are they making catapults out of junk
[02:27:47] Brodie: these little sods are fairly inventive
[02:27:52] LOMI: they're ewoks
[02:27:54] LOMI: it's what they do
[02:27:55] Actene: I think so
[02:27:59] Brodie: yes
[02:28:01] Brodie: die teek die
[02:28:02] Actene: SEND THESE FOUL BEASTS BACK INTO THE ABYSS
[02:28:17] LOMI: kek
[02:28:18] Brodie: He was only going there to try and side with the enemy
[02:28:41] Brodie: DEFEND THE DEEPING WALL!
[02:29:06] LOMI: AIM FOR THE BREACHES IN THEIR ARMOR
[02:29:19] Actene: those are just slices of log
[02:29:19] LOMI: really guys?
[02:29:21] Brodie: Teek captures a victim
[02:29:23] LOMI: it's slices
[02:29:27] LOMI: not even full trees
[02:29:41] LOMI: he'll sacrifice him to the dark lord later
[02:29:57] Actene: how did these clowns even capture the ewoks in the first place
[02:30:06] LOMI: surprise?
[02:30:16] LOMI: no, 5 year old, that looks like a turret
[02:30:17] Brodie: Oh shit this is pretty brutal
[02:30:26] Brodie: I bet the ewoks eat their kills
[02:30:26] Actene: I don't think a single ewok has died
[02:30:33] Brodie: oh shit the horrible CGI monsters are back
[02:30:41] LOMI: gotta save the ewok casualties for ROTJ
[02:30:49] Actene: Teek you sht
[02:30:53] Brodie: pfffttt
[02:30:57] Actene: you sadistic fuck
[02:31:17] LOMI: there go the legged piranhas, never to be seen again
[02:31:28] Brodie: all these reused sound effects
[02:31:28] Actene: was that a frying pan noise
[02:32:05] Actene: Ewoks are actually the deadliest forces in the galaxy
[02:32:10] Brodie: Noa do something you lazy asshole
[02:32:17] Actene: It's a testament to the Empire's skill that it was ever able to beat them at all
[02:32:18] LOMI: the New Republic needed some elite Ewok task forces
[02:32:34] Brodie: I bet he has no idea of how to fix the ship and was just hoping that both sides wiped each other out
[02:32:40] Brodie: "Oh shit I got lucky."
[02:33:00] Actene: oh shit, it's over now
[02:33:00] LOMI: totally called the turrets
[02:33:09] LOMI: wait, why did he trust the teddy bears with a turret
[02:33:12] Actene: now it's a fucking massacre
[02:33:41] Brodie: aw, I read that he crashed on Endor in 26 BBY
[02:33:47] LOMI: pretty sure wicket just flipped them off
[02:33:55] Brodie: If it had been later I could've at least hoped that he fought in the Clone Wars
[02:34:33] LOMI: maybe he's from Naboo's pacifist forces
[02:34:56] Actene: RIP
[02:35:04] LOMI: wicket, you idiot
[02:35:35] Actene: did that guy just say "shit"
[02:35:37] Brodie: Probably
[02:35:40] LOMI: pretty sure he did
[02:36:14] Actene: dude
[02:36:18] Actene: all your guys are dead
[02:36:18] LOMI: DA POWAH
[02:36:21] LOMI: GIMME DA POWAH
[02:36:24] Actene: you have no chance
[02:36:27] Brodie: It's a wizard
[02:36:55] LOMI: are we about to witness a duel between the dark lord and the diabeetus wizard?
[02:36:57] Brodie: this is so much better than Episode VII
[02:37:09] Actene: aw yeah
[02:37:26] LOMI: Gandalf, no
[02:37:36] Actene: YEAH
[02:37:38] Actene: THIS IS SO HYPE
[02:37:38] LOMI: that's a freaking sword
[02:37:44] LOMI: he's sword fighting him with a stick
[02:37:44] Brodie: Holy shit
[02:37:52] Brodie: This really is better than Episode VII
[02:38:02] LOMI: Aragorn vs Lurtz has nothing on this
[02:38:02] Brodie: Take note JJ Abrams, this is how you do a fight scene
[02:38:08] Brodie: oh please kill Teek
[02:38:10] Brodie: please
[02:38:20] Actene: Teek you fucking cheater
[02:38:25] Actene: interrupting an honorable duel
[02:38:41] Brodie: Wilford Brimley hits the guy with a solid blast of Type-2 Diabetes
[02:38:46] Actene: oh shit
[02:39:02] Brodie: THE POWAHHHHH
[02:39:06] Brodie: Oh shit
[02:39:10] Brodie: that's pretty fucked
[02:39:13] LOMI: those SFX
[02:39:22] Actene: rekt
[02:39:24] Brodie: and now that woman is stuck in bird form forever
[02:39:24] LOMI: dang
[02:39:37] LOMI: this is like "you chose poorly" with the grail levels of messed up
[02:39:43] Brodie: So are the Ewoks just gonna leave him there
[02:39:54] Actene: "well would you look at that"
[02:39:58] Brodie: Nothing really bothers Noa
[02:40:01] LOMI: THE HORN OF GONDOR
[02:40:09] *** Sniper fucks up the one Wish spell and covers everything in lava. ***
[02:40:09] Actene: how many people did you kill today Wicket
[02:40:11] Sniper: Greet'ns.
[02:40:30] Actene: the ewoks will feast tonight
[02:40:46] Brodie: "Teek, we've known each other for many years. I'd just like to let you know that I always hated you the most."
[02:40:53] LOMI: how, their main course got turned to stone?
[02:41:00] LOMI: kek
[02:41:21] Brodie: "If every day on this planet was hell for me, your presence only made every hellish day feel like an entire year."
[02:41:25] Actene: little does Noa know that Teek impregnated him with a chestburster
[02:41:31] Actene: that's how his species reproduces
[02:41:32] LOMI: you're never coming back child
[02:41:50] Brodie: Like thirty years later Sindel's like "Oh shit I said I'd go back."
[02:42:05] Brodie: "Wicket's probably dead now. Ewok years are like dog years or something."
[02:42:12] LOMI: she returns to only find corpses
[02:42:14] Actene: And now Sindel gets in the windowless van for real
[02:42:17] Brodie: the windowless space van
[02:42:27] LOMI: they all died out during another war
[02:42:36] Actene: the ewoks killed and ate teek the minute the ship was out of sit
[02:42:37] LOMI: that stoic face
[02:42:38] Actene: *sight
[02:43:00] Brodie: "Sindel wait!"
[02:43:13] Brodie: "The others are gonna kill and eat us for associating with humans!"
[02:43:13] LOMI: "well, time to leave with this old man I hardly know, since my family died and everything"
[02:43:37] Actene: remember how the ewoks were going to sacrifice Luke and Han to their gods
[02:43:38] Brodie: well then
[02:43:47] Brodie: that was Ewoks: The Battle for Endor
[02:43:49] Actene: well
[02:44:03] Brodie: Where's Lucas in these credits
[02:44:17] Actene: I wonder if Caravan of Courage is as good
[02:44:30] Brodie: Its protagonist eats shit and dies five minutes into this film
[02:45:01] Actene: does that make this one MGS2
[02:45:11] Actene: except no Iroqouis Plissken
[02:45:46] Brodie: That's all the Ewoks I can handle for one night I think