Current streaming plans and life stuff (5/7/16)

Hello everyone. I've been gone for a while and it's about time I give some form of an update.

I left a month ago because my frustration and anger from grinding Ventus Critical Mode Any% boiled over into depression. It got to the point that I tried to talk to someone, anyone, about my problems. Every time I tried to confront someone from TS, Discord, Twitter (etc), I just couldn't do it. Then suddenly English KH Chi came out, and everybody was anxious to try it out...except me, that is. Eventually so many people joined a lobby or two to play Chi together. With all of these things put together, I saw difficulty trying to vent to someone as they would be distracted Chi at the same time. So I took it upon myself to leave and maybe come back after the Chi hype died down.

When I went through with this decision I almost regretted it immediately. But then something strange was happening. Every day that I was gone I felt my depression going away. I was experiencing life outside of the internet and it rekindled my emotions; I was becoming happier. With everything I've done online in the back of my mind, it made me think what I would even do when I came back. And then before I knew it a month had passed since my last tweet (the one I made at the beginning of April). Before making a decision I asked myself a few questions. "Could I enjoy what I was doing before this hiatus?" "Do I really want to stream or do anything online anymore?"

You know the answer to those questions since I have returned. I have decided to give streaming one more shot before I just flat out stop, because if I feel driven to leave again like this I don't think I can do it anymore. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on everything if I am still unhappy with streaming. I'll still keep up with everyone who has supported me, became good friends of mine and anyone who made me the person I am today. Now that I've discussed personal feelings, let me talk about streaming.

My goal for streams now is to let go of negative emotions I get while speedrunning. I have a horrible tendency of getting angry at every single mistake I do in a run, despite it being minor or major. I'm not promising that this will be put to a complete stop, but it will be toned down. I feel like my anger reflects on the entire stream and all viewers of the stream. If I'm not doing well then most others aren't either. I've even felt that my anger drives people who enjoy my streams away. It makes me feel like an asshole after I finish a stream thinking about that. If I have made you upset or even just slightly annoyed with my attitude then I greatly apologize. It has been the worst part of my streams since I started on twitch. Speedrunning is probably one of the hardest things not to get upset with, but that won't stop me from trying. On top of all of this, I will also try to stream a few times a week  (minimum 3-4). I've been so lazy across every single year of streaming, that even I'm annoyed when I don't stream. Here is to a true effort of doing runs regularly, let's see what happens.

So what will I do now that I have returned? Well, thanks to a close friend of mine who has informed me of what happened in the month I've been gone, I've decided to leave anything KH related for the time being. I will not discuss anything in detail because I only got a summary of what has been going on. I realized how close I was to really nailing Ven Crit down to an optimal time, but with a combination of what's happened in the community and my experiences with the category before the hiatus, I can't play it anymore. Maybe I'll come back to these games (KH1, KH2, KH:BbS, KH:CoM) at some point, but I refuse to touch them at this point in time.

A few months ago I made a poll asking if people wanted me to do ven crit and attempt to get world record or to get sub 1:30 in Majora's Mask Any%. My ultimate plan after both of these was to focus on other MM categories such as all masks and 100%. Since I'm not playing Ven Crit or anything KH related for a while, It's time to go back to MM, get sub 1:30 in Any% and then see what to do from there. I've yet to stay fully connected to this game since I first left it in late 2013 (right before I started running KH1.5), so now it is time to change that.

Streams will return within the next several days (it won't be a month I swear) and I will be committing to Majora's Mask for the next several months. I have not decided exactly what to do after Any% (Hundo, All Masks, Glitchless, idk), but that's up to me to figure it out. I'm sorry to anyone who wanted me to bring down Ven Crit like I did with 1.5 from late 2013 to early 2015, but I need to do what is best for me right now, and moving on to another game is for the better.

Thank you everybody for your patience, I don't know how you guys put up with me but I truly do appreciate it. I've gotten everything off my chest and all my thoughts written out here so you all see what the last month has been like for me. If you remotely read any of this, let alone got to the end here, I am thankful that you cared enough to do so. Don't forget that if I haven't talked to you in a while, if I've been inactive for a long period of time, if I might even be gone for good, I won't ever forget about the amazing friends I've made during the last few years of my life. Stay strong for me, because I will always stay strong for you.

Thank you,
Mist