anyway what i waned to say was that im multigender but lean in certain directions at any given moment and it can flip btwn whatever 400 times a day or stay the same for weeks but. idk how to word this properly but *for me* its something thats just so internal. i feel so ok experiencing myself on my own i guess? i feel like that doesnt make sense but for me i dont really have a desire to present differently even at the times i dont feel feminine bc its so... a me thing. its personal. its me. one of the biggest power moves i made for myself was changing my carrd to say flower prince instead of princess akjdsashd like it just feels right. prince feels good and ive rambled about that before... but pronouns and stuff are weird for me bc my gender feels like my own and i dont have a desire to have strangers be a part of that or recognize it i guess.... AND THIS ISNT SAYING PPL WHO PRESENT HOWEVER OR FEEL HOWEVER ARE WRONG OBVIOUSLY im just rambling about myself right here asdahjfskdfh

idk. being multigender or genderfluid or whatever sometimes sucks bc i wish at times i could have some sort of consistency, and honestly for a long time i refused to look into gender and terms bc i Did Not want to admit to myself i didnt have stability. at the same time tho i like being everything i am. and also its such a personal and internal thing for me that im almost ok not having labels or using them properly bc in the end, for myself and my own experience w all this stuff, im the only one effected by it... like i can live in my bubble over here and refer to myself however i want to and it doesnt matter bc im the only one it actually has any difference to. this is how i feel about being bi too. i use bi bc i like to more than pan but the differences btwn the 2 actually confuse me some and the fact of the matter is i just dont care about labels enough to debate and stress over it i guess... i care enough about them to use a label, but in the end im interested in who im interested in and i dont actually care about the accuracy of a word bc to me my feelings for ppl matter more. but i thik labels create communities in a way and thats good (or can be) and i can see why its important to other ppl

anyway i feel like i had a point for writing all this but i cant remember it anymore akjdshakdjh i will say tho that while i have no desire to transition or anything theres like an added layer of complexity to my chest problems when my chest starts to freak me out.... like i always really... ppl always talk about being uncomfortable in their own skin bc of all this stuff and i felt bad for relating in a way when for me it wasnt about identity but literally just self loathing and hating my body to such an intense degree... im a lot better mentally now, this yr, than i ever have been before, but i still feel uncomfortable w myself and often want to not have a chest and when i dont feel v feminine it really Sucks tbh...

also sorry if i refer to sex and gender and stuff wrongly or ignorantly akjhsdakjhd if i am its not my intention im not good at this stuff at all

im running out of steam bc i keep feeling like i can put things into words well but i will end w saying that in the end i do truly enjoy being myself now. i mean as a whole i struggle but identity wise i feel like ive found myself for the moment i guess and im comfortable w whatever i am? its confusing and troubling, but i like feeling comfortable when i feel like [hand gestures]