Wurms of the Underdark

Wurms of the Underdark

One day, while trying to find a place to get his VCR repaired, the man Theophilus came upon a hole in the ground. It is not entirely unusual to see holes in the ground, potholes or mole burrows and such, but this particular hole was in diameter as large as a car was wide, and perfectly circular. A mathematician could take measure thereof and find it followed the ratio of pi quite accurately.
Out of curiosity Theophilus took up his flashlight (an invaluable tool for any man with a broken VCR) and descended the gentle slope inside the hole, thereof to make a study and seek the cause of this usual phenomenon of unusual size. A tunnel of surprising structural soundness revealed itself, leading down, worming in twists and bends. For some time he followed the tunnel and at last came upon level ground, the earth packed and smooth.
Here now was another hole, this giving way to a larger space. Above the hole there was a faintly glowing crystal, one of these curious things that produce lights underground with no apparent explanation that any man of science can understand but which magicians treat as a matter of course, and below this light there was a mat. On this mat was the word “Welcome!” written, but the first e was backwards, and the second was missing entirely. The intent was clear at any rate, and Theophilus began to have his suspicions as to what had caused the hole and the tunnel to come into being. Inside the cave further lights were seen and so Theophilus turned off his light and entered freely and of his free will, impelled by no force more sinister than his own curiosity.
The cave was indeed of great proportion, the ceiling above hinting at heights greater than he had noticed descending. All over pale lights shone from crystals, and other crystals and gems caught this light, and also there were mushrooms aglow on the walls, but brightest of all was the lake, which took up a great part of the cave and continued past a twist in the cave, to where Theophilus could not see. This aquifer was of a bright blue colour, appearing almost as the waters of the tropical seas, and there also shone bright, luminescent algae on top of reflecting all other lights so that there was no true darkness in the cave at all.
Theophilus could see all the way to the bottom of the lake, for so clear was this water, and there he was swimming many fish, and many plants growing, and axolotls and crabs also made their way through these waters and all appeared to be in good order, a rich ecosystem of diverse species the existence of which he had never suspected was so close by beneath his feet. And there was also a bright pink floating mattress, or rather two of them tied together one after the other with a third one side by side with the second so as to make room for the inhabitant of the cave, who lounged on this floating fortress of mattress, her tail curved there at the end for comfort, and in her clawed hands this creature held a brightly coloured drink with an umbrella in it, and on her head was a straw hat, but otherwise she was naked. Upon spying the entrance of Theophilus into the cave she gave him a wave and cried out in an enthusiastic voice “Hi, I’m Daisy!”
“Hello,” replied Theophilus, who was still taking in the various sights of the den of the Wurm. He was an intruder here, but she was taking is entrance well, and so he felt he should think of himself as an unexpected guest rather than an interloper. And did not the mat grant him welcome? He bowed slightly and informed the creature of his name, but thinking she might find it overly complex for her simple tongue he abridged it to merely Theo.
“Hi Theo!” Daisy exclaimed, her enthusiasm no lesser than before, and with her shaking about the mattress raft shook and water splashed. “You just wait right there and I’ll be with you in a minute, to serve a drink like a good neighbour! Oh, but I’ve got to call the others too so they can meet you and we can have a party and everything!”
So quickly spoke Daisy that Theo had no time to react to any of this. With a loud clap of her clawed hands she made the whole cave ring, and the noise of three consecutive claps rushed away down the cave, down the bend and around the corner.
“This here place connects to two other lakes,” Daisy explained, “so me and my friends moved in.”
And soon enough they rushed to answer Daisy’s call, the first of which already arriving as Daisy was still making her way to the shore. This one wore armour made of tinfoil, the bright substance beloved of all who feared the influence of Mindflayers or the death rays of mad Gremlins like Nicole Tesla (whether or not Nicole Tesla had ever produced a functioning death ray and had not merely threatened the bankers with a laser pointer was never proven, though her track record with the “earthquake machine”, a cardboard box with dials drawn on it and a Gnome accomplice hiding inside would seem to indicate the negative) were often seen wearing.
This knightly and well equipped Wurm played a trumpet at her approach, the tutturutturutturuttututturuttutuu echoing in the cave and resonating with the crystals. Upon closer inspection Theophilus found her claws to be empty, however, and the sound was merely emanating from her soft lips. He nodded in acknowledgment of the a cappella.
Another Wurm there was also, approaching through the water on a boat of elven make, painted white and adorned with a swan for a figurehead. This Wurm wore glasses and had her hair tied in a ponytail, the very image of academic effectiveness.
The three Wurms all jumped in each others’ arms and turned quickly into a rolling ball of twisting tails and many exclamations of affection and excitement over seeing one another again, much like a dog that has not seen its owner for two minutes. Once these greetings had been exchanged and tails had been untangled, Daisy introduced Theo to the two newcomers.
“Well met Sir Theo! Verily thou art of a boonening on mine noble quest, whatever it shall turneth out to be!” the Wurm in the tinfoil said by way of greeting.
“I’m on a bit of a quest myself,” said Theo.
“Speak thy questening, sirrah!”
“I must find a way to repair this,” he continued, removing his backpack, opening it and showing the excited earth dragons his broken machine.
“A thingamajigger,” the Wurm with the glasses said with authority. The other two nodded in agreement so as to not appear ignorant in the company of their educated colleague.
“It was my intention, you see, to watch some of my old recordings of Hill Street Blues, but now I am unable to do so,” he explained.
“Most pertubatorial,” the Wurm with the glasses said, and tilting them Theo noticed hers had no lenses.
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Verily it dothet smelleth of mustardius!” the knightly Wurm pointed out, quite accurately.
“Indeed, for once I sought the aid of some ladies from Wonderland, who proclaimed themselves as having had some experience in the repair of machinery. They were no help at all, in the end, pouring various condiments inside my poor VCR.”
“But mustard? That just seems silly!” Daisy said.
“Yes.”
“We should hit it with rocks,” the bespectacled Wurm said.
“Nay, for that istest of barbarism! Let us forgeth a swordening and with it slay the brokenness, thereby makening it whole again!”
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Daisy asked.
It must be said in the defence of the Wurms, that in spite of their ignorance of this technology, they made and honest go at it. The VCR did not end up in any better condition by the end of their ministrations, but Theophilus had long since grown accustomed to troubles that VCR repair presented, and he did not hold it against them. They enjoyed many bright drinks with little umbrellas in them. After they then climbed out of the cave and Theophilus in his turn invited the three Wurms for a barbecue, where there was much rejoicing and much neighbourly bonding.