3300 Exam 4 Topic 13-16

Topic 13 -- Communication in Groups

People are born into groups, live and work in groups, and can be cared for and helped in groups.
Family groups, peer groups, classroom groups, political groups, social groups and many others are a
part of our lives. It seems that we are always in some kind of a group.

You can be a member of a several groups in one day. Some are casual and informal and you may not
spend much time interacting with others in the group. Others, such as a business meeting or a class,
might have more group participation. Your interaction may still be limited but you can be an active
participant. You can be an observer, a minor or major contributor, or perhaps a leader in groups.

The Nature of Groups

What is a group? Social scientists recognize that there are many kinds of social groups that are
everywhere and a study of them can be overwhelming. In trying to arrive at one definition, they offer
a profusion of theoretical terms and concepts in a jumble of words.

One team of researchers (Johnson & Johnson, 1982) tried to combine all of the published definitions
into one comprehensive definition. They concluded that a group consists of two or more individuals
who:

- interact with each other.
- are interdependent.
- define themselves and are defined by others as belonging to a group.
- share norms concerning matters of common interest and participate in a system of
interlocking roles.
- influence each other.
- find the group rewarding.
- pursue common goals.

A close examination of these factors shows that not all of them are equally important. A simpler
definition is needed.

Identity Groups and Interactive Groups

Let's begin by categorizing all groups into either one of two types: identity or interactive. The first,
an identity group, focuses on a large psychological phenomenon that is diffuse but can be a powerful
influence on members. The second, an interactive group, is smaller and members are more easily
identified as individuals. There are names and faces that make for more cohesiveness and bonding.

Identity groups contribute to self-image and personal identity. Their influence on us is more distant
and indirect. You don't interact with all those in the group and your influence on these identity
groups is usually limited. We are cast in them according to such factors as age, gender, religious
heritage, political history, similar language, and tradition. These identity groups are typically
introduced to us at an early age and as part of our national and family history.

We are members of some identity groups by circumstances (e.g., place of birth, school, historical
events) and choices that we make (e.g., types of clothes, favorite teams, political parties). For
instance, look at the questions below. People posed them in an attempt to learn more about another
person

- Are you a Catholic or a Baptist? (Religious affiliation)
- Are you a southerner? (Geographical boundary)
- Are you one of them Yankees? (New York baseball team)
- Are you a conservative or a liberal? (Political philosophy)
- Are you a Grizzly? (Not a bear but a high school logo)
- Are you a feminist? (Social advocacy)
- Are you an African American or Haitian American? (Ethnic heritage)
- Are you an adult (Age group)

Imagine playing a 20 questions game with someone that you just met. Each of you asks twenty
questions. Would they be like those above? Would you be searching for information that would help
you discover parts of the person's identity or would you ask other questions that might help you
find out more about the person, regardless of the many identity groups to which they might belong?
The questions below go beyond one's identity group to more personal information.

- What do you do with your friends on the weekend?
- What makes you such loyal fan of the team?
- How have your family roots influenced your decision?
- How has religion played in part in your decision about marriage?

Ironically, even though we don't interact with the larger identity groups, they can influence our
thinking, values, interests, choice of words, and behaviors. They contribute to the way we interact
with individuals and people in smaller groups. They play an important role in our use of communication
skills and the building of interpersonal relationships.

To better understand bow identity groups affect others and us, we need to study more sociology.
However, this course is designed to help you think more about communication skills. Therefore, we
will direct attention to the smaller interactive group.

For our purposes, an interactive group is defined as: Three or more individuals who recognize one
another, who are together for a purpose, and who interact with each other.

This definition contains four important concepts. The first concept is that the group is not one
person or a twosome. It takes three or more people to make a group. This is based on the social
forces and communication processes that take place when there are more than two members.
Interpersonal dynamics are very different in a triad vs. a dyad. The second concept emphasizes that
individuals are aware of their membership and aware of who else is in the group. This is needed in
order to form psychological parameters and set a foundation for bonding. The third concept
highlights that the members are together for a purpose. The goal may not be clear but there is
some awareness, whether at a low or a high level, of the reason for being together. The final
concept emphasizes that members relate and work together. They interact, which may be the most
critical element in our definition.

People can belong to groups where interaction is minimal. For example, you may be affiliated with a
political group or party, but seldom if ever meet with party members to discuss issues. Your
neighbor, on the other hand, may be more active with the group, attend meetings and rallies, and
take part in related task groups. There, discussions and ideas are shared, and members learn more
about each other. The neighbor is likely to be viewed as a group member where you may not.

You might be part of a large non-descript group that is attending a concert. As someone in the
audience you enjoy the on stage performances. You may greet those next to you briefly but your
attention is on the performers not those seated or standing around you. You may also be seated on
an airplane. You and your fellow travelers might be considered a group, but interaction with them is
usually limited to one or two people who are seated near you. You might also join a group of people
who are waiting in line to vote, or to get the autograph of a celebrated athlete, or to talk with a
representative at the phone company. Beyond a few courtesy remarks and some small talk, there
isn't much time or inclination to interact.

Group Dynamics

The study of group dynamics is an area of social psychology that focuses on the nature of group life
and what happens when people are together as a group. For instance, it is possible to look at a
group in terms of content and process.

Group content is what is being discussed. It is the topic. Content is about ideas, information,
statements, opinions, and the materials that are introduced to support them. For example, one group
may be talking about the parking problem on a university campus. The number of cars, the limited
spaces, the ordinances, violations and related problems are the content. Cognitive considerations
make up the content.

Group process involves the manner in which people communicate in the group. It is not what they say
but how they say it. It is not who is in the group, it is how the group members interact with one
other. Process is more concerned with leadership, decision-making, problem-solving, exchanges
among group members, and communication routes and practices. To observe group process is to
take note of how the group is functioning.

The best group leaders are aware of both content and process. They are aware of the different
focal points. They listen to words, feelings behind the words, and watch behavior. They hear the
stories and information being presented but they also attend to how group members participate,
react and respond to and with one another.

Effective groups have effective leaders. There may be more than one leader, although some simply
haven't been designated as such. They emerge in time through their facilitating skills. Group
leadership can be lodged in different members at different times.

Four Types of Interactive Groups

Interactive groups have been described as small and large, informal and formal, structured and
non-structured, personal and impersonal, casual and purposeful, loose and tight, among many other
terms. In these cases, the focus is drawn to the nature of the interaction among group members.

To help us understand more about group dynamics, communication within groups, leadership, and
ways to facilitate a group, let us consider four major types of interactive groups: affiliation groups,
social groups, work groups, and helping relationship groups.

- Affiliation Groups

In an affiliation group, members concentrate more on content than process. There is less personal
and intimate information disclosed. Rather, the focus is on a group discussion of external topics that
are related to a particular goal. This might be about professionalism, politics, or a community
program.

For example, a professional seminar can bring people together to present and explore ideas. A
speaker might start a meeting with a multi-media presentation, focusing the group on the content of
the session. A discussion might follow where group members share their reactions and ideas. This
discussion might elicit more personal self-disclosures, but the focus is more likely to remain on
content.

This type of group is also used in advocacy. Group members come together to talk about a
particular concern or cause. They make presentations and use forums to help advocate for people
or issues that need a public voice. For the most part, advocacy groups depend upon their members
to commit to the cause (content). Rather than talk about themselves, they discuss the need for
action and what they can do to bring attention to their mission.

-Work Groups

People work in groups. Most businesses depend upon groups of people to make them viable and
growing organizations. For example, in a small insurance company there may be a manager, sales
personnel, and office staff. They learn to share the same work environment, often working on many
of the same problems or goals. The most productive companies enable employees to work
cooperatively together. The idea of teamwork, being a team player, and striving for goals is a
common concept in the business world.

A work group functions to complete a job. Members pool their expertise and skills to accomplish a
task that may be a part of a larger project. A jury might be considered a work group, as they are
given the task of listening to evidence and then making a decision in a legal case.

A political group was developed to support a candidate in a state election. Committees, or small
groups, were organized around basic tasks: canvassing and polling, fund-raising, printed media, TV
and radio media, campaign platform, and candidate schedule, among others. Each committee or task
force had members who worked together in order to accomplish part of a comprehensive plan. They
had many discussions prior to taking actions. The focus of the committees and task force groups
was almost entirely on content, except during a time when disagreements led to unpleasant
exchanges among a few members that threatened the work of the committee. In that instance, party
leadership had to focus on process and communication skills were used to resolve conflicts.

- Social Groups

People like to socialize. Most enjoy being in the company of other people, where they chat about
numerous things. Some social groups are more spontaneous and don't meet often enough to be the
basis for building friendships. People attend cocktail parties, neighborhood barbeques, and
community fund raisers and are part of the group for a while. They may or may not recognize one
another from other settings or similar occasions.

Small talk is the most prevalent form of communication in social groups. The emphasis, as you might
expect, is more on content than process. People chat about all kinds of things as they mingle
around. Most social groups are mixers, so people dart in and dart out on topics, as well as any
personal self-disclosures. Unless a host asks guests to participate a structured activity, there isn't
much desire to talk in depth on personal topics. The social group encourages people to relax and
amuse themselves in the company of others.

On occasion, a few people might huddle in a corner to talk about something more in depth. However,
since this kind of talk is contrary to the purpose of social groups, the conversation is usually short
and might be dominated by a few people for a few minutes. It appears more often that people want
to tell funny stories about themselves or others. In most social groups people are looking for laughs
and there is no one to facilitate the process any differently.

Another kind of social group is the special interest group. People share their hobbies. They come
together because they enjoy doing or thinking about something in particular, such as computers,
astronomy, card games, or certain music. They might meet to talk about the stock market, take part
in wine tasting, or discuss vacation travels.

Young people like to "go clubbing." They seek music and opportunities to meet other people in a
relaxed social setting. Small talk can reach stressful levels at times, especially if matchmaking
becomes the focus. The clubs are a place where people can meet new people and sometimes begin
new relationships.

Book clubs are composed of members who read a book and then meet with others to talk about its
content and meaning. In some cases, depending upon members and the presence of facilitators, a
club meeting can move beyond a book's topic or content and discuss some personal meanings the
book had for them. This may help account for the dramatic rise in book clubs within the past few
years, with thousands of book discussion groups springing up all over the United States. People are
turning off their beepers, cell phones, laptops, and TVs and joining such groups for stimulating
discussions and interaction with others.

Mickey Pearlman, author of "What to Read: The Essential Guide for Reading Group Members and Other
Book Lovers" (HarperCollins) believes that stress and information overload in our world makes
people want to slow down and have old-fashioned conversations. Pearlman says, "There are many
thousands of face-to-face groups now and more on the Net."

Book groups meet in homes, libraries, and community centers. Now restaurants are becoming the
venue of choice for some book clubs, where they feature a book review followed by discussion and
dinner. The idea is to have stimulating conversations and create memorable evenings. Donna Paz,
publisher of "Reading Group Choices: Selections for Lively Discussions" (Paz Associates, Nashville,
Tenn.) said that behind the most recent surge of interest in book club groups is a simple impetus: "
People are hungry for people contact."

Salon, a popular website on the Internet, has created a sort of campfire for book discussions with
"Table Talk." The book forum attracts more than 2,000 people a day who engage in an average of
136 online discussions. Alexander Hayes, Salon's circulation manager, says he enjoys both
face-to-face book groups and online discussions. "Often the problem with face-to-face groups is that
they can easily digress into just personal chat," he says. "Online you can stay as focused as you
want."

But the contact with people, all coming together in a familiar setting, with a discussion led by a
moderator, is what many group members enjoy, and this is the key structure that keeps people
coming back. "It's not just the enjoyment of literature, but the fact that many members discover one
another and become great companions."

- Helping Relationship Groups

The concept of humanism was popular by the middle of the 20th century. The war to end all wars
had concluded and veterans returned home, hoping that they their children would learn to live
peacefully, respectfully, and at a higher standard of living than the world had ever known. A more
educated and affluent society became more interested in the inner and intra psychic world. People
wanted to know more about the dynamics of behavior and relationships. The world was changing and
new kinds of personal and social relationships were being forged.

In a similar way, some people use their computers to join online "Slogs." These Internet groups
attract members who just to chat with other people about special interests-- travel, sex, movies,
sports and so forth. They are somewhat like bulletin boards where people post messages and then
others respond. In some cases it has encouraged people to arrange face-to-face meetings, but for
the most part the impersonal nature of an intimate sharing time is what most appeals to members.

Four Kinds of Helping Relationship Groups

There are four kinds of helping relationship groups: support groups, crisis-centered groups,
problem-centered groups, and growth-centered groups. They can be differentiated by their
purposes and sometimes by the facilitating processes and activities that are emphasized by leaders
and group members. Let's take a closer look at them.

Support Groups. The earliest helping relationship groups were support groups. Hospitals were
overwhelmed with cases and, as part of outpatient services, support groups were organized. Those
with the same ailments could talk with one another, share information, and offer timely support.

"Am I the only one with this? I used to think like that a lot. Now, I meet the others in the group and
hear about their struggles and triumphs, and I know I am not the only one." These words were
spoken by one of the participants of a project that established a series of time limited support
groups for people in the early stages of dementia. They were spoken as she reflected upon the
relief she felt about being able to open up and move forward in a group where she felt listened to
and supported.

Internet sites offer forums and chat rooms for people with different illnesses and conditions. The
National Health Council has a list of Internet links to patient-based groups, or voluntary agencies, for
more than 40 different chronic diseases and/or disabilities.
(http://www.nationalhealthcouncil.org/aboutus/membership.htm)

These online self-help communities help people connect with a network of others with similar
concerns. One important caution, however, is that online support groups are places where people
talk informally. All the treatments or discoveries you hear about may not be scientifically proven to
be safe and effective. You can check out something interesting and new with your doctor or other
healthcare provider.

Computers can drive people crazy but they also offer new avenues for creativity. Online "user
groups" allow you to connect with people located in your area who are working with a particular kind
of computer. Members network with colleagues and share insights regarding their computing
environments and interests. It is more than just technical advice. Through advocacy activities, these
groups provide an active voice with the companies and vendors, including face-to-face meetings,
email discussion groups and participation in surveys.

One of the most famous support groups in the world is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There are no
fees, dues, or membership files. Millions of people participate in AA meetings because they gain the
support that they need in order to stay sober. It is, as the name implies, based on anonymity and
those in attendance do not reveal who else attends. At regular meetings, those in attendance talk
about themselves, their addictions, and the problems that alcohol caused them, and how abstinence
has changed their lives for the better. It is peers offering one another support for change and
health.

Support groups, like AA, are discussed in greater detail in Topic 16, which focuses on communication
in the helping relationship. At this point, it is enough to note that AA principles and procedures were
a catalyst for many other kinds of health groups. People want to be with others who have similar
experiences, problems, and impact on their lives.

One person said, "It's just such a relief to know that I'm not alone." Another stated, "I attend this
support group (Alzheimer's Anonymous) because I need a place to vent what is happening in my life
with people who I think will understand what I'm going through. They offer information and good
suggestions, as well as compassion."

As more and more people have taken an interest in learning communication skills, they have also
learned more about how to self-disclose and to listen and facilitate others. Most people who attend
support groups regularly claim that it helps them to be involved in helping others.

Crisis-Centered Groups. A second helping relationship group is called a crisis-centered group. This is
typically a small group that is meeting because they are concerned about an urgent problem. There
is a need to give immediate attention to some incident or circumstance. If the group has already
been meeting and has achieved cohesiveness, a crisis situation might easily be worked on within the
context of the established group. After the crisis has passed, the group could then return to its
original focus. However, some groups are formed and start their relationships as a result of a critical
event or situation.

Some college students were attending a class where a visiting professor announced on the first day
that there would be no A grades given in a course that was required for a particular major. The
highest grade would be a B and most students should expect to get a C or lower, depending upon
their performances. This seemed patently unfair and unreasonable. Several students met after class
and decided to talk with the professor about his statement. He explained that he had high standards
and this was a college not a high school course. The students decided to walk out and protest to
the college administration.

The administration typically supports faculty members, but didn't sanction this professor's teaching
philosophy. The department chair reported that the professor in question did not have much
teaching experience but was a nationally known scholar and researcher. The students threatened to
take their case to the campus newspaper and the president of the college. It was evident that a
crisis was a hand, when it was suggested that a crisis-counselor in Student Services meet with the
group of students. After the students vented their feelings in a group session they then talked
about what steps could be taken to resolve the situation.

Crisis-centered groups in schools and communities have dealt with such topics as vandalism, acts of
violence, sexual harassment, racial conflicts, alcohol and drug abuse, and excessive stress due to
serious accidents, spouse abuse, and life and death health issues. There is a crisis happening that
needs immediate attention.

Problem-Centered Groups. Some helping groups might focus on concerns and troubling situations but
the problems are less urgent. They have not reached a critical point. Emotions are usually not
running as high as when a crisis is at hand. Sometimes a problem-centered group will focus its
attention on a remaining problem or concern once the intensity of a crisis has passed.

A counselor met with a group of pregnant teenage girls who still wanted to graduate from high
school. Another counselor worked with a group of college students who wanted to rid themselves of
excessive stress and the pressure that they experienced in their daily lives. Still another counselor
worked with a group of students who had conflicts with their parents and were considering running
away from home. These are examples of professionally led problem-centered groups.

Professional counselors, of course, are trained to be helpers, to establishi1g helping relationships,
and to meet with people in individual and group counseling. However, research is showing that
students, as peer leaders and facilitators, can also lead problem-centered groups. Well-trained peer
leaders can be equally effective as trained counselors.

In the problem-centered approach, the purpose of the group is clear. It is to help group members
learn to cope with a common concern or situation that is causing discomfort or unhappiness. The
problems that are dealt with in these groups are distracting and they are keeping group members
from being productive in school or at work or feeling comfortable in their personal lives.

Group members identify a problem and commit themselves to do something about it. Successful
group members are usually motivated to explore and find solutions to problems. They want to avoid
crises.

Members of a problem-centered group usually pursue a direct approach. There are candid
discussions and often personal and intimate information is self-disclosed. Confrontation and probing
type questions are seen a:; part of the group process. Sometimes members will discuss a problem in
general, using it as a springboard for more personal meaning. The group might look at a problem
area in terms of prevention, in which case hypothetical situations are presented and explored,
perhaps role-played. However, if the problem-centered group is talking about a hypothetical problem
then there is usually less energy and the group members work harder to stay focused.

Growth-Centered Groups. Growth-centered groups focus on the personal and social development of
members. Rather than facing a crisis or problem, the group concentrates on learning more about self
and others through some close and friendly interpersonal experiences.

Many of the growth-centered groups today have their roots in the encounter group movement of
the 1960's and 70's (See Topic 16). It was a time when people wanted more freedom to think and do
things. These groups were signs of a humanistic movement that captured the imagination of the
American society. They had far reaching affects on our culture, especially in terms of human
relationships. The effects trickled into organizations, government, politics, schools and universities.
The groups introduced modern perspectives about how people live and interact.

Growth-groups are not nearly as outlandish as they were when first introduced a few decades ago.
Today most groups concentrate their efforts on helping people learn and practice communication
skills. People want to learn how to be better leaders, to be team-builders, to cope with difficult
people, to develop closer family ties, and to better enjoy their working and social relationships.

Growth groups in churches and schools often give attention to character development. Experiential
learning activities help group members talk about their values and behaviors.
They are special learning groups. Leaders facilitate people to self-disclose, give feedback, and
explore real life issues with others.

Theories of Small Group Development

Social scientists study groups and how they develop. Four of them are of special interest to us
because many group leaders and consultants try to apply their research. Tubbs, Tuckman, Fisher
and Poole offer theories about the possible phases of group development.

Tubbs' Theory.

Stewart Tubbs (1997) outlined four phases of development in working groups within businesses and
organizations: orientation, conflict, consensus, and closure. In the first phase, group members get to
know one another. They start to talk about the topic of the group and the related problems. They
examine limitations and opportunities. The orientation helps them get focused. Conflict is viewed as a
necessary part of a groups development and constitutes the second phase of development.
Members evaluate ideas and try to avoid conformity through brainstorming. In the third phase,
conflict ends and the group reaches consensus on a few ideas. There is compromise, alternatives
are considered, and finally agreement is reached. The group gets closure in the final phase by
announcing results and members reaffirm their support of the decision.

Tuckman's Theory.

Catalyst Consulting Team is a consulting firm. They offer strategic planning, leadership development,
and experiential learning to a client base that includes many of the Fortune 500 companies, as well
as emerging companies, government and non-profit agencies. Central in the philosophy of the
company is the classic model of group development that was proposed by Bruce Tuckman (1965).

Tuckman tried to simplify theories by designating five states of team or small group development:
Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing and Adjourning. In the forming phase, group members learn
about each other and the task at hand. As members become more comfortable with each other, they
engage each other in arguments and vie for status in the group. These activities mark the storming
phase. During the norming phase, group members establish implicit or explicit rules about how they
will achieve their goal. They address the types of communication that will or will not help with the
group's task. In the performing phase, the group reaches a conclusion and implements it. As the
group project ends, the group disbands in the adjournment phase.

The Catalyst Consulting Team has outlined Tuckman's theory in detail on its website. The outline
highlights the model's implications for such things as leader style, decision-making, roles and
responsibilities, team process, and reactions to leadership.
http://www.catalystonline.com/parts/thinking/tuckmans.html

Fisher's Theory

Aubrey Fisher (1 970) was concerned about decision-making in groups. There are four phases of
group development, according to his classic Decision Emergence Theory (DET). He based his model
on observations of group members' verbal interactions and how they clarified, modified, agreed and
disagreed as they moved through four phases: Orientation, Conflict, Emergence, and Reinforcement.

During the orientation phase, Fisher says group members get to know each other and they are
tense. There is polite interaction. People have awkward feelings before communication rules and
expectations are established. Therefore, group members should take time to learn about each other
and feel comfortable around new people. First impressions are formed, as people learn how to work
together. Some people look around the room and try to decide who they might be aligned with.

The conflict phase is marked by tension surrounding the task at hand. Group members feel the
pressure to propose ideas, debate and disagree with each other. There is more openness and
attempts to persuade others increase. Conflict is considered good, because it helps the group
achieve positive results. The lack of it is considered a problem, as it may indicate apathy or
dominance by one or two members. Some polarized attitudes are evident and members look for and
foster coalitions. Leaders also emerge during this phase.

In the emergence phase, the longest and most gradual phase, the outcome of the group's task and
its social structure are more apparent. There is less criticism of proposals and fewer arguments.
Some members now search for ways to "save face" as the decision emerges. Members compromise
to achieve consensus.

In the reinforcement phase, group members bolster their final decision by using supportive verbal
and nonverbal communication. The decision is made by consensus and members commit to it. If the
conflict phase was productive, the decision reflects agreement rather than avoidance of conflict. As
this phase begins to conclude, favorable views of the decision and the group process are
expressed. These views are reinforced. A spirit of unity is present and there is a sense of growing
solidarity.

Poole's Theory.

Scott Poole (1990) believes that group development is often more complicated than the three
previous models indicate. He contends that groups jump back and forth between three tracks: task,
topic, and relation. The three tracks can be compared to the intertwined strands of a rope.

The task track concerns the process by which the group accomplishes its goals. It features problem
analysis and designing possible solutions. The topic track is concerned with specific items that the
group is discussing at the time. These may be issues the group has been working with over time.
The relation track deals with the interpersonal relationships among group members.

At times the group may stop work on the task and turn instead to working relationships. It deals with
the impact of disagreements and compromises. When the group reaches consensus on all three
tracks at once, it can proceed in a more unified manner and more along the lines suggested by the
three previous theories.

Poole says that when a group switches from one track to another, there is a breaking point.
Breaking points signal key elements in the decision-making process. An observer would be able to
note shifts in conversation, postponements, and even a call for adjournment. Poole also said that
outside factors could influence group actions, such as task- what the group was given to do by
someone of authority. Members are continually de fining themselves in light of the group, as does the
group as a whole. There are new perceptions of the problem, the make-up of the group, and power
distribution among members.

Topic 14  -- Cultural Diversity and Communication

Culture and Intercultural Communication

This topic, perhaps most especially, challenges us to tread a very fine line between generalizations
and stereotypes. We focus on differences in human beings and how it affects interpersonal
communication.

You will be reading about other people's ideas, observations, and conclusions coming from the study
of human diversity and culture. Compare your own thoughts and observations to what you read. Pay
attention to the times the generalizations you read about show up in real life --- and the times that
they don't.

Human differences can cre3te communication barriers and misunderstandings, but it's not the
differences that matter so much as our lack of awareness about them that gets in the way. Once we
are more aware, we can communicate more effectively across cultures.

Whether we go around the world or around the block, there are cultural dynamics influencing
communication and our relationships with others. We recognize that within any culture or group there
will be numerous differences. At the same time, within each cultural group there are some features
that are common enough to all of us. These can help us better understand individuals and also give
us a general sense about particular groups.

At the risk of making some errors, generalizations in the communication process give us a starting
place. From there, we are each charged with the responsibility to use discretion in applying them to
individuals and their behaviors. The importance of being attentive and sensitive to the individual and
adjusting our perceptions 3ccordingly cannot be overemphasized.

Let's examine some issues of culture and diversity as they affect and are affected by interpersonal
communication. We'll begin by looking at some basic cultural elements and the importance of
understanding cultural differences in both personal relationships and international affairs.

Cultural Elements

- Culture. According to sociologists, there are approximately 164 definitions of culture. For our
purposes, culture refers to a system of knowledge, communication, behavior, values, beliefs,
norms, customs, and artifacts that members of a group learn and share.
- Co-culture (Subculture). Co-culture, also called subculture by sociologists, refers to a group
within an encompassing culture. Culture is, to a great extent, a matter of perception and
definition, and a variety of groups or categories exist within a larger culture. Associations,
classes, classifications, communities, gangs, groups, groupings, and sub-cultures are terms also
used to apply to segments of a larger culture.
- In-groups and Out-groups. When we identify ourselves as members of a culture or group, we
see ourselves as sharing certain characteristics with other members. Social scientists use the
term in-group to describe a group with which an individual identifies. "She's one of us." By the
same token, we see others who don't share these features as outsiders. They seem markedly
different from us. The term out-group is used to identify a group that an individual regards in
this way. "He's one of them."

In order to avoid offending a group, people are becoming more aware of being "politically correct"' in
their language. It is important to note that offensive or insensitive speech is not limited to a specific
group of words. One can be hurtful and insulting by using any type of vocabulary, if that is one's
intent. While in most cases it is easy to avoid blatant offensive slurs and comments, the more subtle
biases inherent in our language and the habits of a lifetime are much harder to change.

Certain words are labeled in Random House Webster's College Dictionary as vulgar, offensive, or
disparaging. Words in these categories, which include those referring to sexual or excretory
functions and racial, ethnic, or social groups, are usually inappropriate and should be treated with
caution. While there are some circumstances where these words are accepted, there are many
others where their use is hurtful and upsetting.

Other factors complicate the question. Members within a group may disagree as to what is
acceptable and what is not. Many seemingly inoffensive terms develop negative connotations over
time and become dated or go out of style as public awareness changes. A "within the group"' rule
often applies, which allows a member of a group to use terms freely that would be considered
offensive if used by a non-member of the group, such as ethnic nicknames.

The acceptability of specific words and language shifts constantly, as people become more aware of
the power of language. The rapid changes of the last few decades have left many people puzzled
and afraid of unintentionally insulting someone. At the same time, these changes have angered
others, who decry what they see as extremes of "'political correctness"' in rules and practices that
alter language to the point of obscuring or even destroying its meaning. The abandonment of
traditional usages has also upset many people.

Some of the more extreme attempts to avoid offending language have resulted in some doubtful
improvements. For example, is "animal companion" really necessary as a replacement for "pet "? At
the same time, heightened sensitivity in language is a statement of respect, indicates precision of
thought, and is a positive move toward rectifying the unequal social status between one group and
another.

Learning About Culture

We learn about cultures from many sources throughout our lives. Two different processes have
produced two types of cultural learning.

- Enculturation is the process by which culture is passed on from one generation to the next as
we are taught and we learn about the cultures into which we're born. Parents, peer groups,
schools, religious institutions, media, and government agencies are the primary agents of
enculturation.

Acculturation is another way of learning culture, a process by which individuals learn the rules
and norms of a culture different from the culture into which they were born. When immigrants
settle in a new country, their own culture becomes influenced by the host culture through
acculturation, and gradually the ways of the host culture become more and more a part of
those immigrants' culture.

The Internet provides a powerful example of acculturation. The Internet and World Wide Web,
although available worldwide, are dominated by the culture of the United States. It is filled with
American and English language, references, and trends. Some countries, already unhappy with the
encroachment of American culture, are trying to take steps to stem the tide of such acculturation.
For example, a French law implemented in June 2003, requires all French government ministries,
websites, publications and documents to use the term courriel (a shortening of "courier
electronique," the French term for electronic mail) when referring to the messages sent via the
internet (email).

Intercultural Communication occurs when members of two or more cultures exchange messages in a
manner that is influenced by their different cultural perceptions and symbol systems. (Samovar &
Porter, 2001 ). When members of different cultures or cultural backgrounds interact, they often face
some challenges that are different from the ones that arise when they communicate within their own
cultures.

Intercultural communicator doesn't always happen when people of different cultures interact. The
cultural backgrounds, perceptions, and symbol systems of the participants must have a significant
impact on the exchange before we can say that culture has made a difference. For example, college
athletic teams often have members from a variety of countries and cultures. However, they all learn
the language and culture of the game and the team, whether it is volleyball, basketball, or soccer.
Their communication on the field or court is dependent more on their shared language and culture
than a teammate's original culture.

Multiculturalism is the practice of acknowledging and respecting the various cultures, religions, races,
ethnicities, attitudes and opinions within an environment. The term came into wide public use in the
United States during the early 1980s in the context of public school curriculum reform. Revised
curricula were intended to provide a larger view of the United States in terms of its development
and the experiences and contributions of many ethnic and cultural groups.

Now it appears that two main currents of multicultural education have emerged, each with its
dedicated advocates. Particularists are concerned with reinforcing and preserving the distinctions
between cultures, emphasizing the importance of ethnic heritage. Pluralists view each culture in a
society as contributing unique and valuable aspects to the larger culture.

Even though we aren't entering the arena of multicultural education in this course, it's important to
note the differences in these approaches. As you can see, even when people are talking about this
topic, it may have distinctly different meanings for them.

Stages of Intercultural Sensitivity

In order to increase our competence in intercultural communication, we need to become more
sensitive and flexible. There are levels or stages of sensitivity. Without some effort to work our way
up, we will likely remain stuck somewhere along the way. Let's take a look at some of the stages and
related tasks to increase sensitivity.

- Denial: At this stage, we don't recognize cultural differences. The task at this first stage of
intercultural sensitivity is to recognize cultural differences that are escaping notice.
- Defense: We recognize some differences between our own culture and others, and these
differences are labeled negatively. They are experienced as a threat to the "rightness" of our own
value system. Ethnocentric individuals and cultures believe and behave in ways that say their culture
is superior. The task in the second stage of cultural sensitivity is to recognize and to become more
tolerant of differences and to focus more on the basic similarities among people.
- Minimization: At this stage, we are unaware of how we project our own cultural values as superior
to others. We may try to avoid stereotypes and even appreciate differences in language and
culture. However, we still view many of our own values as universal rather than simply as part of our
own ethnicity. The task at this stage of intercultural sensitivity is to become more consciously aware
and to avoid projecting one's cultural perspectives onto other people's experience. This level is
particularly difficult to pass through when one cultural group has vast and unrecognized privileges
when compared to other groups.
- Acceptance: We become aware of and open to differing values and meanings among cultures. The
fourth stage requires us to be able to shift perspective while still maintaining a commitment to our
own values. The task is to understand that the same behavior can have different meanings in
different cultures.
- Adaptation: We can evaluate others' behaviors from their frame of reference and adapt our
behavior to fit the norms of a different culture. At this level or stage, we're able to take the
perspective of another culture and operate successfully within that culture.
- Integration: We can shift perspectives and frames of reference from one culture to another in a
natural way. We become adept at evaluating any situation from multiple frames of reference. Stage
six requires in-depth knowledge of at least two cultures (one's own and another) and the ability to
shift easily into the other cultural frame of reference. The task at this level of development is to
handle the identity issues that emerge from this cultural flexibility.

Topic 15  -- Cyberspace Communication

The World of Cyberspace

Computers are coming! Computers are coming! Like Paul Revere riding through the countryside, for
several years scientists shouted that computers were coming and they were going to change the
world. They were right. Computers provided more than the rapid calculation of numbers and more
than information storage and retrieval; they dramatically influenced global communication and
interpersonal relationships.

Computers Are Here To Stay

While the identity of the inventor of the first mechanical computer bas been disputed, many
historians point to John Mauchly and J. Presper Eckert, who developed the Electronic Numerical
Integrator and Computer (ENIAC). Unveiled in 1946, the 30-ton machine bad 18,000  vacuum tubes
and 6,000  switches.

Computer technology was locked into the ENIAC concept for many years. It was hard to imagine bow
the computer might change. Here are some famous quotes that turned out to be poor predictions:

- "I think there is a world market for maybe five comp1Jters" --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM,
l943.
 - "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000  vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons,
computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 15 tons"-- Popular
Mechanics, 1949.
 - "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I
can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year "--The editor in
charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.
- "But, what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
1968, commenting on the microchip
- "640K ought to be enough for anybody"-- Attributed to Bill Gates, 1981, but could be an
urban legend.
- "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home"-- Ken Olson, president,
chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

The best scientists and business people in the our nation could not visualize bow desktop
computers in the homes of ordinary people would revolutionize education, business, government,
interpersonal communication and -- the world.

It was the Internet that made the computer revolution really take off and have such a great impact
on the world. It did so because many millions of people became users.

The Internet started about five decades ago as a university experiment with military communications.
The United States and the Soviet Union were in the Cold War. Our national security would be
enhanced by linking lots of computers together in a network, rather than in a straight line. The
Pentagon thought that in the event of a nuclear attack on the US it was unlikely that the entire
network would be damaged and, subsequently, they would still be able to send and receive
messages.

At first each computer was physically linked by cable to other computers, but this approach bad far
too many obvious drawbacks and that led to the use of the telephone system. Nuclear strike or not,
in time people found that they could talk to each other over this computer and telephone network.
Some university students started using this network to do their homework together and the first
chat groups were born.

After people realized that they could talk to other people via this vast computer network, they
began to want more access. At first the users were only university and government personnel.
However, it wasn't long before others saw the potential and various business corporations,
universities, and community groups developed separate networks.

All the various local, regional, national, and international computer networks make up the Internet, as
we know it today. It is an expanding network of computers where people communicate in ways the
Pentagon never dreamed possible 40 years ago. The Internet has become the primary source of
global communication.

The New World: Cyberspace

People from all over the world communicate in cyberspace. "Cyberspace" is a term coined by William
Gibson (1984) in his science-fiction novel, Neuromancer He described a world of computers and
their affects on society. His fantasy of a world connected by computers became a reality in the form
of the Internet. In cyberspace people exist in the ether--you meet them electronically, in a
disembodied, faceless form.

The words Internet and World Wide Web (WWW) are often used synonymously, but they are
different. The WWW is a component of the Internet that presents information in a graphical interface.
The WWW is, in a sense, the illustrated version of the Internet.

The WWW began in the late 1980's when Dr. Berners-Lee, a physicist, wrote a small computer
program for his own personal use. The program allowed pages, within his computer, to be linked
together using keywords. It soon became possible to link documents to different computers, as long
as they were connected to the Internet and used the same "'language" to communicate.

The document formatting language used to link computer documents is called HTML (Hypertext
Markup Language) and until 1992, the Web was primarily text based. Then, the Web changed.

Marc Andreesen developed a new computer program called the NCSA Mosaic. It was the first Web
browser and suddenly it was easier to access different Websites that were connected to the
Internet. Before long, Websites contained more than just text, they also had sound and video files. A
"hyperlink" allows a user to click on a word or picture on an electronic page, called a Webpage, and
move to another page. Because of the vastness of the Internet, WebPages can be accessed from a
neighbor's computer next door or from others around the world.

The WWW became a catalyst for significant developments in communication and cyberspace
relationships. We now have Internet chat and discussion groups, Internet phone capabilities, video
conferencing, news and user groups, interactive multimedia, games, and much more. People have
formed communities, even though they may be separated by thousands of miles. They write to one
another about common interests, sharing personal and career information. People from the around
world created cyberspace.

Interpersonal Communication in Cyberspace

Face-to-face communication has long been considered the essential starting place to develop and
maintain most personal relationships. The telephone and letters through the postal service served to
keep people connected until they could see one another again. It is satisfying to hear the voice or
read the words of someone you care about. Their presence in a room with you seems crucial for a
personal and deep long-time relationship.

Developments in computer technology have given us new means and opportunities for communicating
personally. In particular, computer-mediated communication (CMC) provides another way to interact
and has some significant benefits. For instance, electronic mail, or e-mail, is a popular form of CMC.
Instant messaging and on-line chats are other widespread communication tools.

During the war in Afghanistan, the USS Carl Vinson, an aircraft carrier, processed 50,000 personal
e-mails per day (CBS television report, 2001 ). Every sailor on that ship had access to a computer to
use to connect with family and friends. While away at sea, e-mail served as a lifeline for the sailors. In
the war in Iraq, military personnel use e-mail to stay in touch with loved ones back home and to
comment about their war experiences. Most recently, the "milbogs" have come under scrutiny as
perhaps revealing too much information that can affect military outcomes. For the most part,
however, many of the military personnel stationed overseas simply want a friendly person with whom
they can chat. They want a "key(board) pal" just as their predecessors wanted "pen pals."

Text-Relationships

Text relationships are not unique to cyberspace. Scrolls, notepads, and books have connected
readers with authors for as long as there has been written language. Letters sent through the
postal service have extended relationships. It is just that cyberspace communication tools have
made text relationships so much easier and efficient to initiate and maintain on a day-to-day basis.

John Suler, Rider University, provided a comprehensive review of factors that influence online
text-based communication and relationships (TextTalk). He based his observations on his own work
as well as a review of published literature. You can consult his work at the Psychology of
Cyberspace (http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/psycyber.html).

A few of his major hypotheses, with supporting observations, are highlighted below:

1. There is a subjective experience projected in text-based communication and relationships:
- People vary greatly in their ability to express themselves via text.
- Some people are more sensitive in detecting the meaning and mood expressed "between the
lines"' of text communication.
- There is a special type of interpersonal empathy that is unique to text relationships.
- People with writing insecurities may prefer chat to e-mail since it is less formal.
- Some people may experience a type of "merging" minds as text is read.
- People experience the other's text message as a "voice" inside their heads, as if the person
were speaking to them.
- People develop a mental image of the other person in a text relationship.
- Humor, and especially sarcasm, is difficult to express in text relationships.
- Receiving no reply in a text relationship tends to be experienced as rejection.
- Ambivalence about intimacy may be expressed in text communication, which is a paradoxical
blend of allowing people to be honest and to feel close, while also maintaining their distance.

2. There is a difference between face-to-face relationships and online text relationships:
- People who lack verbal skills may prefer text relationships.
- Some important aspects of a person may be obvious in-person but almost invisible online.
- Some people prefer text to face-to-face relationships.
- Online relationships may reveal what's missing in their face-to-face relationships.
- In text relationships, some people explore their interpersonal style and experiment with new
behaviors. What is learned online can be carried into offline relationships.
- Online relationships form and disappear more easily than other relationships.
- Intimacy develops more rapidly in text relationships than in other relationships.
- Close online relationships naturally progress to face-to-face meetings.
- Meeting face-to-face for the first time changes perceptions of the other online person.
- Interacting with someone online and offline on an ongoing basis may result in a "separate
tracks" relationship. The relationship may be a bit different online than it is offline.

3. There is a lack face-to-face cues and stimulation in text-based online relationships:
- The lack of touch and body contact can significantly reduce the experience of intimacy in text
relationships.
- Some people are attracted to the silent, less visually stimulating, and non-tactile quality of
text relationships.
- People struggling with social anxiety or with issues about shame and guilt may be drawn to
text relationships in which they cannot be "seen."
- Text communication enables people to avoid the face-to-face cues that are distracting or
irrelevant to the relationship.

4. There is a space/time element (asynchronous/ synchronous) that differentiates text-based and
face-to-face communication and relationships:
- The ability to delay responding in e-mail and message boards can enhance self-control,
self-reflection, and allow for assimilation of experiences in the relationship.
- Because text communication is slower than speaking, people "get to the point" faster.
- The short and long delays in text exchanges require people to get "in synch" with each other
for communication to be more effective.
- The easy and continuous opportunity to send a message to the other person can create a
comforting feeling that the connection to that person is "always there" or even that the other is
"'always present."' Feelings of separation may be eased.
- The feeling of the ether's presence is stronger in synchronous communication in that they are
present in the moment. The feeling of the other's presence is stronger in asynchronous
communication in that people have more opportunity to express complexity and subtlety in what
they write about themselves.
- Wanting to meet, or meeting, an e-mail or message board friend is a sign of increased intimacy
and/or commitment to the relationship.

5. There is meaning in message construction:
-The overall visual construction of a text message (frequency of line breaks, size of
paragraphs, insertion of quoted text, etc.) reveals a person's mood and state of mind.
- Writing style and effectiveness changes as a result of what is happening in the ongoing
relationship. Composition can become more casual, detailed, and expressive as the relationship
develops and people feel safe to explore; it regresses when they feel threatened, hurt, or
angry.
- In an ongoing text relationship, the people involved develop their o\o\in private "language" of
abbreviations, symbols, and phrasings.
- The subject title of a message is an important layer of the communication. It can lead into,
highlight, elaborate, or even contradict a particular idea in the message.
- Even very simple behaviors, like saying "hello," can be expressed in many different, subtle
ways.
- Parenthetical expressions (behaviors or internal thoughts described as "asides" in
parentheses) can be as expressive or perhaps more expressive than face-to-face cues.
- The use of emoticons, trailers, caps, and other keyboard techniques adds an almost infinite
variety of creative expressiveness to a text message.

6. Online identity and interpersonal styles
- The person's writing style and message format reflects his/her personality. Changes in style
and format reflect changes in mood and thinking.
- Some people express their "true self" in text relationships, or believe they do.
- Despite conscious attempts to present one exactly as one wishes, hidden elements of one's
personality unconsciously surface in text communication.
- The online name/s and identities that people choose for themselves is an attempt to reflect
their personalities.
- Socially anxious people may enjoy and benefit from text relationships. Text relationships can
be used to desensitize social anxieties and build social skills.
- As a way to avoid "saying their goodbyes," online relationships and groups may tend to "fizzle
out" by people gradually sending fewer and fewer messages.
- Even though audio and visual Internet technology will become easier and less expensive to
use, text communication will never disappear 3nd will be preferred by some people.

Privacy and Anonymity in Cyberspace

People cherish their privacy, especially personal information that reflects their lifestyle. The click of a
key while you are on the Internet is like putting down a footprint. You leave information behind that a
computer technician, like a Webmaster, can trace within a few minutes. It is possible to see the
websites that you visited and trace a path of where you have been. There is no real privacy in
cyberspace.

Now, imagine sending somebody a postcard through the US postal service. What you write is out in
the open for anyone around to read your message. If you would be hesitant to write certain things
on the back of the post card, then you should also think twice before you send those words over
the Internet.

When you send an e-mail message there is usually some data that help identify you and your Internet
provider, unless you have some kind of encryption plan. However, when you enter a chatroom or
message board, you are often given the option of using a pseudonym or an icon that is designed to
hide your identity. Given limitations, this feature has attracted millions of people who want to
communicate with others.

Suppose that you went to a drug store to buy some medicine or perhaps a magazine. You would
enter the premises and talk with people face-to-face. You are out in public. Even if you don't give
your name, you are in public. The cashier can see what you look like and your transaction will likely
be recorded on videotape. You and the cashier, who does not know by name, could smile at each
other, offer a friendly greeting, and perhaps acknowledge one another by exchanging a few pleasant
words. In the real world transactions are public like this. Of course, if you entered the store wearing
a ski mask over your head and covering your face, you would be treated differently. Or, if you tried
to hide your face from the video, people could be suspicious.

Cyberspace is different. You can have an email address with your name. But it is not odd to have an
address like "HappyCamper@aol.com" -- an address that doesn't reveal your name when you use it.
But even if an email does announce your name, everything else about you is still hidden, until you
choose to self-disclose.

In a popular New Yorker magazine cartoon, two dogs are sitting at a computer terminal, and one
says to the other, "On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog." The phenomenon of anonymity has
been a boon to much of the business of cyberspace.

A classified advertisement on the Internet read, "I am the man of your dreams. I love late night walks
under star-filled skies." The ad ended by asking, "Are you the woman of my dreams? E-mail me soon,
and let me touch your heart!"

That is an example of advertising in cyberspace, but the buyer must be aware, because you never
know what you are really getting. In cyberspace, people are known only by their logon names. They
often adapt various online personas with completely fabricated names and personalities. In other
words, what used to be called schizoid behavior or multiple personalities is considered standard fare
in cyberspace.

In fact, pretending to be someone else is part of the attraction. Nobody knows what you look like,
whether you're a man or a woman, how old you are, or where you live. You can present yourself as a
beautiful blonde woman, a priest, a great athlete, or a child--even if you're none of these things.
On-line junkies can even pretend to be the opposite sex in so-called "chat rooms" where people
converse via their keyboards--sometimes in sexually graphic terms.

MIT scientist Sherry Turkle (1995) described this proliferation of identities in her book "Life on the
Screen." She argues that technology is rendering obsolete the belief in a single unified self. One's
personality becomes whatever one chooses to make it. As Turkle puts it, cyberspace creates "a
de-centered self that exists in many worlds and that plays many roles at the same time."

Anonymity has an interesting affect on people in terms of self-disclosure, communication,
relationships, and self-discovery. On-line services know that people want a place where they can
connect with others and talk. E-mails, chatrooms and online discussion groups have become one of
the most important features of online systems. Every night, millions of Americans spend hours talking
to people they may never meet. They chat about a host of topics, ranging from newspaper headlines
to personal relations. For many people, part of the appeal about these chats or conversations is
that they are in control of who they are and want to be.

Many find this part of cyberspace liberating. A woman, for example, gets to speak her ideas and
opinions as a "woman's voice" without her voice being heard. A senior citizen can say things without
worrying if people's prejudices about age could affect the way in which they receive and interpret
messages. Cyberspace is, in this sense, the ultimate democracy, where ideas and opinions are
valued more for their content than who says them.

Chatrooms and bulletin boards, as well as blogs, allow people to join in a group and chat among
themselves about various topics. At first these novel cyberspace groups had considerable appeal,
but they faced limitations. When the group became too large, the chatrooms seemed less personal
and readers seem to have a hard time reading more than just a few. For the most part, chatrooms
are uncontrolled and not monitored. This creates problems with security and can invite people to be
abusive or to post undesirable or inappropriate messages.

Yet, in another sense, we might wonder: Have we lost freedoms through a loss of privacy because
of the Internet? Are we are at risk on the Net? Certainly some individuals are more vulnerable. For
example, they worry that posting their pictures and general information to web pages could lead
someone to locate and track them down, perhaps stalk them.

The privacy issue on the Internet is a complicated one. We gain freedom to access information but
we give up our individual privacy because of computer tracking devices. Even if we try to disguise
ourselves through passwords, false identities and coded logos, we also run the risk of harassment.
It seems that while the Web itself is neither good nor bad, communication on it creates opportunities
for the best and worst of humanity to surface.

As computer technology advances, it brings an encompassing surveillance feature that is inevitable.
To this point in time, we probably owe much of the privacy that we do have to a combination of
immature technology and the lack of sufficient human resources to monitor us. We are already
tracked by our credit-card transactions, our travel through automated tool booths, and our cell
phone calls.

Each new year brings more sensitive and widespread sensing devices, including cameras,
microphones, and biological sensors. For a glimpse of the future, enter your address at
globexplorer.com. You will see a satellite picture nearly good enough to show a parked car in your
driveway. Better resolution is coming soon.

Whether we like it or not, we are moving rapidly toward a transparent society in which our actions
and transactions are followed. Our lives will increasingly be tracked and documented by people we
may not know or trust. Self-disclosure may someday be a minor issue in communication; rather the
focus will be on the dynamics of interaction and interpretations of our behavior.

Gender Experiment

Using the Internet some people can lead double if not multiple lives. They can hide their names and
identities and even their gender identities. Some people try out different gender roles and
experiment with what it means to be gender-free. They not only want to try different behaviors but
experience how others might respond to them. Cyberspace is an abstract space where this can
happen.

In most human cultures throughout the world there are pressures for individuals to signal that they
are either "'male"' or "female," and to maintain an external appearance that is consistent with culturally
acknowledged gender identity. They learn to perform "maleness"' or "femaleness," "masculinity" or
"femininity."

As you know, gender stereotyping begins at a very early age. By the end of the first year of age,
children shown pictures of adults of both sexes can choose the correct gender in a picture when
asked "Where is Mother?" and "Where is Father?"

Hairstyles and earrings for men, the preference for a slim, boyish body shape for women, and so on,
have greatly contributed to the cultivation of an androgynous look. At the same time, despite this
fascination with androgyny, heterosexual individuals, if not homosexual ones, rarely wish to be
perceived as truly neither male nor female, as unequivocally neuter.

To date, most communication in cyberspace is text-based. This, too, is going to change dramatically
in the future and people will be able to see and talk with one another over the Internet. This is
already starting to take place more and more as camcorders proliferate. But for most part now,
individuals communicate by typing and can't see one another. Therefore, conventional signals of
gender identity such as intonation and voice pitch, facial features, body image, dress, demeanor, all
verbal cues are missing.

The communication opportunities’ in cyberspace are helping us recognize t1e limitations of thinking of
people as having only one self. We talk about self-image, self-esteem, and discovering one's true
self. To think of the self in the singular is a convenient concept and one that has been passed down
through the ages. To have more than one self-identity was to be schizophrenic and a candidate for
mental health clinics. A person could say, "I've got to get myself together to complete this project."
Another perspective might be: "I have got to pull my many selves together, and not let that part of
me that wants to procrastinate to take over."

Obviously we are complex beings and can play many roles. Some people are able to change their
demeanor, language, and even values, depending upon a given situation. T1e true self, if there is
one, may have many appendages and the lack of coordination between them may be the source of
conflict and problems.

Cyberspace and The Reinvention of Self

If it's possible, talk with your parents about when they were growing up. If you can, pull out some
pictures from the family album. Dad may just say, "I remember that young man. All he could think
about was cars:· Mom might add, .. 1 was voted the best dancer in our senior class and I went dancing
every Friday and Saturday night. Those were the days! " But, those days and people are past,
although the remnants of childhood and all experiences thereafter remain a part of "self."

Some people talk about reinventing themselves. All of us recognize that as years pass and the aging
process continue we are always evolving. Cyberspace communication has opened doors for more
study along these lines and the reinvention of self. This is not to say that :here could very well be a
strong inner core of who we are, but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that environment, culture,
gender, aging, and opportunities play a significant role in self-development.

Imagine:

You're sitting in front of a large computer screen

You click on a little picture of an antenna and a window opens up onto a chat channel where
everybody knows you as Cosmic Charlie

You size the window and leave the chat channel open on a corner of your screen

You click on a picture of a tiny piece of paper and open a document you are composing Then, you
click on a picture of a little castle and open an electronic window into a MUD where you are Zlx, a
trigendered witch of the twenty seventh century. You click on browser icon and websurf.

Then you cycle for a few hours among your identi-frags Chat, compose, MUD, Surf, chat, compose,
MUD, Surf

You do this all day, every day For years
(drawn from Howard Reingold, in an interview with S Turkle, 2003)

John Suler, Rider University, posted a brief and clever treatise on the way people can say "Hello" in
cyberspace, using animated icons, balloons, and text to communicate personal messages
(http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/hilucy.html). He said,

"In cyberspace, the sensory options are not nearly as numerous or versatile B!!t that doesn't mean
that subtlety is absent When immersed in a medium that places some restrictions on paths to
communicate, humans get downright clever and creative in overcoming the barriers "

He also presented a web page that described "online lingo." The unique lingo that an online group
adopts gives the group a unique identity among the many other online groups. In addition, learning
the language is a socialization process. Insiders, who know the lingo, believe they belong. Look at
the list of cyberspace lingo below. These are only a few common ones. If you're not sure of their
meaning, you can go to Suler's webpage: http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber.html

At this site you will find definitions of the words listed below. You will also find some others that are
not listed. Test yourself.

- Avatar
- Brb
- Cybersex
- Flame
- Flooding
- LOL
- ROFL
- Site
- SPAM

If you are new to posting messages or chatting on line, you may be puzzled by some of the symbols
and abbreviations that appear in conversations on the Internet. Emoticons came about because body
language and facial expressions are lost in cyberspace and words alone led to some
misinterpretation and miscommunication. Emoticons also save time and space. They enhance
text-based communication efforts and help create a climate of informality. It's hard to over-use a
smiley face, but there are other alternatives.

Hideki Komuro created a webpage with a comprehensive list of cryptic initialisms and "emoticons," or
icons that represent emotions, and that appear frequently on the Internet. Check out his list and see
how many you recognize and might use (http·//www.win.ne.jp/~kom/e0emotic.html).

Again, John Suler's work is helpful in gaining more understanding of communication on the Internet. He
posted a webpage titled "Psychological Dynamics of Online Synchronous Conversations in Text-Driven
Chat Environments. " Now, that's a mouth full of words, by his own admission. Beyond that
cumbersome title, he provided excerpts from an ongoing chatroom conversation. Check it out and
see if you can figure what's happening in the session
(http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/texttalk.html).
Topic 16  -- Helping Relationships

Helping Relationships and Processes

Throughout the topics of this course we have been talking about the nature of communication and
interpersonal relationships. We think about how we can improve our own skills so that we can be
more personal and effective with our families, friends, and people with whom we work. Then, there
are times when we can use our communication skills to build helping relationships, ones in which we
provide assistance to others.

The Helping Relationship

We know that problem situations develop as part of being human, being in the presence of and
working with others, and coping with joys and tribulations of life. Sometimes we can work things out
and at other times we struggle, perhaps depending upon the assistance of someone else to help us.

Many people need help because either in their own eyes or in the eyes of others, they are involved
in problem situations that they are not handling very well. They are frustrated, anxious, confused,
and uncertain. They may be grappling with a serious physical illness, a failing marriage, being fired
from a job, or suffering from some other loss. They might be wallowing in a mid-life crisis, feel out of
touch with others, or being verbally and physically battered. Self-doubt and unreasonable fears might
be contributing to their abuse of drugs and alcohol or turning to other unhealthy and ineffective
means for resolving their problems. They are lonely and they need help.

Then, there are people who simply want to live life more effectively. They want to experience more
Of the joy and positive growth opportunities that life offers. They may be concerned that they are
working too much, ignoring  family members too often, or feeling locked into a job that no longer is
stimulating or fulfilling. They may feel guilty for not living up to their own expectations, as well as
those that others might have for them. The idea of developing one's potential and leading a fuller life
can be burdensome at times.

Who Are the Helpers?

Our anxiety motivates us to talk with others about our concerns. They may be people who are close
to us and who we know well. They might be professional helpers who we don’t know well but believe
that, because of training a1d credentials, they could be of help. Then, there are people who,
because of circumstances, we are drawn to and hope that they will provide us a caring and helping
relationship.

As a general rule, we turn to people for help at different stages of concern. We might talk casually
with someone for a few minutes about a decision we are trying to make or a difficult situation that
confronts us. We hope that talking a little bit will reduce our stress about matters and perhaps
provide some quick insights, but when things escalate and impinge on our everyday functioning, we
then turn to people who provide a helping relationship.

Helpers come in all colors and sizes, ages and gender types, and they can be close or distant from
us. Helpers can be neighbors or family members. They can be medical or legal personnel. They might
be colleagues and peers at work or school. They can be counselors, therapists, clergy, and social
workers, among others. They can be found everywhere and some are more effective and efficient
helpers than others are.

Personal relationships can facilitate our personal growth and we feel empowered by them. The
helping relationships are characterized by people who are caring, interested, respectful, accepting,
understanding, genuine, and trustworthy. We talked earlier in this course about how our
communication skills (Topic 8 and Topic 9) affect the way that others perceive us and how
communication lays the foundation of relationships, for better or for worse.

In helping relationships communication is focused on facilitating the needs, interests, and goals of
people who want and need help. There is a helper, who gives assistance, and a helpee, who
receives special attention to his or her concerns and problems. There are, of course, many different
strategies in the helping process and their implementation depends upon the helper's skill,
experience, creditability, training, and resources, as well as goals and the setting.

Helpers are facilitators, regardless of whether or not they are professional helpers. Helpees may be
clients, patients, family, friends, and strangers.

Helping as a Learning Process

Helping can be viewed as informing, deciding, educating, supporting, or as a learning process. The
latter viewpoint emphasizes that helping is facilitating opportunities for a person to identify and act
on self-enhancing options. Learning is growing. It is an enabling experience where people throw off
chains, stretch, open doors, and venture out to discover more of who they are and want they want
to become.

"The road to success js always under construction '' -- Jacque Moises--

In the helping relationship, the helper and the helpee make up a small learning community. If
communication skills are effective, they move through stages where problems are studied and
resolved.

Helping, in this case, is not like leaving your car with a mechanic so that a new water hose can be
installed or letting a surgeon remove a tumor. There is no immediate fix-it-up attitude where the
helper takes responsibility for making the problem go away. Rather, it is an interaction that takes
place where ideas are shared and explored. It is problem-management where the helpee remains in
control, makes decisions, and takes responsibility for actions related to them.

Nevertheless, in their role as helpers, caring and facilitative people can assist others by teaching,
coaching, counseling, tutoring, consulting, mentoring, and supporting others in timely ways. We look
for pragmatic ways of helping. We want to have a practical framework or model of helping and we
want some manageable methods and skills that make the model work. The communication skills
advocated in this course are a significant aspect of developing helping relationships and providing
assistance.

Shelly, a woman of self-doubt, was sheltered in her family and faced the barriers of a male-dominated
culture. She missed opportunities to develop many of her own personal resources. Through helping
relationships with friends end counselors she learned to assert herself more. She took water-skiing
and scuba diving lessons. She jogged and lifted weights to condition her body so that she might
have more endurance for playing tennis. "In my childhood, it was my brothers who got to do things
outdoors and play sports, while it was my job to be smart in school, take ballet lessons, and try to
be "dainty."

Shelly may have been the victim of society, sex-role stereotypes and family traditions, but she
decided to not be a victim of her unexploited potential. She identified some goals and took
responsibility for constructing a path to reach them.

The Eight Stages of the Helping Process

Most of us like order in our lives. Among other things, we organize our days, our households, our
desks, our personal belongings, and our work. We envy those people who seem to be systematic
and efficient.

Unfortunately, the building of the helping relationship and applying the helping process is not always
an orderly and logical process. We would like, for example, for people to start their stories from the
beginning, touching on only the most relevant details as they proceed step by step to related
significant events and circumstances that led to their problems or concerns. Likewise, it would be
convenient if they would clearly articulate their dilemmas, alternatives, and consequences, and then
systematically arrive at some insightful meaning or plans that would solve their problems. The helping
process does not often follow such an easy path.

First, the people who we are trying to help are frequently distressed and full of emotion. They are
confused and cannot think clearly. Typically, they avoid critical issues and resist examining ideas.
Their rambling dialogues are a part of a defensive posture.

Although topics or subjects change and can merge, and the sequence of events are sometimes
unpredictable, it is possible to identify some common and representative stages of the helping
process. These stages can provide a convenient checklist and, occasionally, suggest some
directions that you might want to go.

This topic, the last of our course, is presented so that you might use your communication skills and
ability to build helping relationships. You can learn how the helping process works and use it in any
number of situations, including community and school volunteer roles.

Let's take a look at eight stages that characterize the general nature and movement of the helping
process.

Stage One: Beginning and Orientation.

The first stage of the helping process is characterized by getting acquainted, gathering some
background information, forming a helping relationship, clarifying roles and expectations, making some
initial assessments, and setting some goals. The helping process is initiated and the helpee is asked
to think more about how the time spent together might be used.

In this stage, as the helper you encourage the person being helped, the helpee, to talk about what
might be done and to clarify roles and procedures. These may be stated in general terms, but there
is an attempt to identify the roles in the process so that some parameters are set for meetings that
follow.

No matter the setting or the occasion, the first meeting sets the tone for the rest of the sessions.
First impressions are formed immediately as you meet. The person might be thinking, "Can this
person help me? How much can I trust this person? What's going to happe1? Should I really do this?

Meanwhile, as the helper you might be thinking, "Does this person trust me? How can we best work
together? How can I make the best use our time together? How serous is the problem? Where do
we begin?"

Imagine that you have volunteered to be a mentor/tutor and to work with some boys and girls who
attend a youth club after school. You meet James, who is a likeable young man, good athlete, but
doing poorly in math at school. You wonder if the boy would even take the time to work with you and
how much he will trust you, since you come from different racial backgrounds. Will race make a
difference?

This first stage is a get acquainted time. You exchange friendly greetings with James. As the helper,
you want the young man to talk. Relationship building begins from the first time that the two of you
set eyes on one another end it continues to grow as you exchange ideas. Therefore, the general
rule is to follow the lead o' the helpee and encourage self-disclosure. This enables you to put some
"chips in the bank." As you recall, this is building the helping relationship by listening and responding
with high facilitative responses (Topic 8 and Topic 9).

Nonverbal communication during the early minutes of the first meeting plays a significant past and
could be more important than things that might be said. For instance, it's very probable that James's
eyes will examine your demeanor and look for personal clues that suggest how to act in your
presence. The eyes scan around the room, searching for things that will tell how comfortable and
safe the environment might be.

For that reason alone, it is common to see people looking around instead of speaking directly to
you. Stealing quick glimpses is common among young people, who are generally insecure around
adults and especially authority figures. The eyes soak up unspoken information and influence the
process. Imagine that you are looking at James and his eyes are darting from one place to another.

Some tension is usually present as you test one another and move toward a working relationship.
You might want to begin your first meeting by asking, "What's on your mind?" "How can I help you?" Or,
in some cases, "What did you want to see me about?" All these are straight forward questions,
although the helpees may not know what to say, where to begin, or what particular reasons brought
them there. It gives them an opportunity to tell you what led them to talk with you.

Such questions might make some people feel on the spot, but they are reasonable inquiries and have
the advantage of letting people begin wherever they are most comfortable. It is always better to let
people state their reasons for wanting to see and talk with you, although you might already have an
idea.

When the helping relationship and process is a self-referral or self-initiated, then small talk or "ice
breakers" are not necessarily needed to get things going. The person has something in mind and is
anxious to get started. As long as you don't confuse the issue with a lot of reassuring words, the
person will begin to talk, even when unsure of procedures or of how the process works.

If the first meeting is not a self-referral but is initiated on your part, then you will want to clarify the
reasons you initiated the meeting and wanted to talk with the person. Even then, in the beginning
you will want to ask open questions and avoid any long speeches or lectures. Some helpers make
the mistake of quickly telling people that they are in trouble and then sketch out possible negative
consequences unless the problem is resolved

Your teacher said that you are failing your exams

The boss said that we are falling behind in 011r work and

This can only make people think defensively and create a picture of people conspiring against them.
The task is to get people to talk as much as possible about their situations and their perspectives.

In our case, imagine that you have met James and you are now ready to help him. You know that your
experience and academic ability will let you tutor him. What now?
His name came to you because be was described as being uncooperative in school. He pays little
attention to teacher lectures, makes remarks aside to classmates and is sullen when confronted. He
is considered disruptive and his math teacher wants him transferred to another class.

You might begin by asking a few open-ended questions, such as: "'How's it going, James?" "What can
you tell me about school?" "'What's it like for you?" "How do you get along with your teachers?"
"'What's your English teacher like?" "How about your math teacher?" "'How would you describe your
teachers?" "'How do you think they might describe you?" "What do you do that would make them
describe you that way?" Each of these questions, of course, is followed by clarifying and
feeling-focused responses.

Or, you may prefer to begin by revealing the motivation for your asking to talk and work with him.
"'James, I bad an opportunity to talk with your teachers and some of them are concerned. Your math
teacher is especially worried about you. How's it going in that class?" This approach would give the
discussion a focus. Although it could elicit initial defensiveness, it identifies one of the reasons for
meeting. It is open and honest.

Most people who go to a mentor or a professional counselor are unfamiliar with bow the helping
process works. It is usually a new experience for people to talk with people who facilitate their ideas
and feelings in depth. Social conversations are random and jump quickly to different topics. Someone
talks about his or herself and then somebody else tells something about his or herself. The helping
process is more focused.

Therefore, people who are being helped may not know what to expect from you, as a helper. They
are unsure of what roles are played by each person, especially if you are the helper with someone
you already know from another context. They come to you with more hope than knowledge of how
they are going to get the most from talking and working with you.

No matter if you are at a workplace, a school, community volunteer program, or with a family member
who has asked for your help, you will want to explain and clarify your role as a helper, as you see it.
First, what is the helper's role (mentor/tutor, friend, camp counselor, etc.)? Second, what services, if
any, do you provide? Or, what do you see as some things you have to offer? Third, how do you see
the helping process working?

During your first meeting with James, the boy you are tutoring, you can tell him more about yourself.
It's usually best to avoid saying what you want him to do or have happen for him. Rather, focus on
what you have to offer.

After a few brief remarks about some personal history that might appeal to him, you might say, "I
volunteered for this program so that I could learn more about and work with young people, like
yourself. For instance, I'm pretty good at math and would be willing to help you look at your
homework. Maybe we can think of ways to make it more interesting and we might have some fun
getting to know each other better."

Stage Two: Building the Relationship and Assessment.

If you decide to work with the individual beyond the first stage, then it is likely that you will be
thinking about assessing the person and his or her situation. Assessment is going to be a continuous
process, one done jointly.

There are two types of assessment: formal and informal. Both can provide valuable information and
each in its own way affects the helping relationship and process.

Formal assessments consist of standardized measurements to which a person responds. Such
instruments provide norms for comparison and can enable both you and the person you are helping
to gain some idea of how the individual compares to others. The instruments can focus on attitude,
values, achievement, interests, concerns, skills, and aptitudes. A professional helper, such as a
counselor or paraprofessional who has been trained to use them, usually administers standardized
tests and inventories.

Formal assessments usually take more time than informal assessments. Data is collected through
standardized procedures. They are usually paper and pencil devices. These are also impersonal and
many people who take them feel as if the instruments are a test. Tests are considered a "necessary
evil' by most people and formal testing makes people defensive.

Informal assessments are those that rely upon first hand observations, perhaps a simple checklist or
inventory. They are self-reports and self-ratings.

The biggest criticism against them is that most lack reliability and validity data and, consequently,
credibility suffers. However, informal assessments can still provide a means of gathering information
that might be useful.

You may have used an informal assessment to plot some of your achievements. For instance, if you
are a jogger, you might have a diary that shows the days that you ran. Joggers gauge their
progress by recording time and distance and then comparing how they did in one month or time
period against a previous one. Or, you may have charted your exercise program, or what you eat, or
how many times you won at a computer game.

Assessment both formal and informal typically focuses on seven areas: physical, social, cognitive,
cultural, history, future perspective, and the presenting problem. These areas might best be
understood by considering the kinds of questions that could provide useful information in the helping
process.

Physical The manner in which a person presents his or herself can be first clues to help assess a
situation. How is the person dressed? What about physical posture? What do the person's eyes
seem to say? What outward signs of stress are evident? Outward physical signs are a beginning
place. A person might need to visit a medical doctor before concentrated attention can be given to
other problems.

Social. How well does the person relate to you and others? Does the speech flow easily or
hesitantly? What attitudes are expressed in both verbal and nonverbal behaviors? Is it easy or
difficult for this person to form social relationships? Does the person have friends?

Cognitive. How well does t1e person organize his or her thoughts? Do words flow easily or haltingly?
Is there a logical flow to the conversation or does the person jump from o1e topic to another. What
about the tone of voice, the pitch and the speed at which the person talks? Is the individual taking
any medication or drugs that might affect the thinking process? How well is the person's testing of
reality and is there an understanding of the consequences of behavior?

Cultural. What religious, cultural, or environmental factors influence the person's thinking and
behavior? Are there any special pressures or circumstances that make decision-making difficult? Can
the person appreciate cultural differences or is there a tendency to think in terms of being
disadvantaged or being less valued? Do prejudices make the person closed-minded? How culturally
sensitive is the person?

History. What general and specific history IS relevant to the situation or problem? Have there been
any particular events in the person's life that may have contributed to problems or difficulties (e.g.,
traumatic events, frightening episodes, unstable family environment). What particular circumstances
are contributing to the person's present state of mind and patterns of behavior?

Future Perspective Does the person have any goals for the future? Is the future seen as positive or
negative? Is the person hopeful, although the situation is difficult? Are problems seen as solvable
and part of life's process or is the person fatalistic and feeling there is no sense of control over
one's life. Does the person seem willing to take control and responsibility for helping create the
future?

The Presenting Problem What is the situation or problem that is given as the reason for working with
you? Of all the problems that might be presented, which one bas the clearest theme? This is called
the presenting problem because it is a place where you can start to help. It may not be the most
serious problem, or even a major problem in your eyes, but it is a place to begin.

You might also keep in mind that some experts in helping relationships say that ninety percent of the
time the presenting problem is not the real problem. It was a symptom or concern that the person
felt safe in talking about. There may be a low level of awareness of the "real problem,"' or, perhaps
none at all.

Some assessment information can be obtained by simply asking the person questions. It's possible to
have a list of such questio1s at hand and to use them as appropriate. However, facilitating the
person to talk about the situation can obtain most information. Following the lead of the person and
using high facilitative responses is still appropriate at this stage.

Stage Three: Exploring and Discovering.

Some writers describe this stage as a working stage. It is a time when the helper and helpee explore
events in an attempt to find some special meanings, discover some new ideas, gain insights, and
consider alternatives. It is a time to think freely about a situation without restraints, and it is
frequently characterized by spontaneous talk.

A structured activity can help stimulate thoughts and feelings and help ide1tify patterns of behavior.
They can elicit elements of a self-picture and identify primary values. Sometimes it is helpful to use
stories and metaphors as tools to explore ideas.

This is a stage that a person is given the luxury of weaving through images, collecting ideas, sharing
fleeting thoughts, and momentarily gaining glimpses of past, present, and future. You help the person
move from an external frame of reference to an internal one. It is time for patience, attentive
listening, and gentle structuring.

This is a difficult stage because you and the person being helped are often eager to move quickly
ahead toward some solution. The two of you may grow impatient, especially if a person tends to
ramble and has trouble staying focused on certain issues or if the process is taking longer than you
had anticipated.

Although stimulating, exploring ideas and feelings can lead one through confusing mazes of thoughts
and dead-ends. Yet, the process is, more often than not, a productive one. It is a luxury to be able
to delve into ideas and feelings that are part of your life.

It is as if one is searching for treasures. You may not find what you are looking for, but the
experience can provide valuable information and it can be an exciting adventure. This is especially
true if one is making the journey with a trusted friend who has, at the right times, provided some
timely encouragements, questions, insights, and reassurances.

The use of structured or relatively unstructured activities can engage people in the exploring and
discovering process. Art, games, and communication exercises can help break down barriers and
open doors that lead to interesting thoughts and feelings. However, activities and interpersonal
games are only a means to an end, which is more insight and understanding of a real-life situation.

Stage Four: Centering and Setting Goals.

Eventually the time will arrive to take what has been learned in the previous stages and put it to use.
This usually requires that a focus be given to the discussion (s). This might come because of
patterns, which clarify a person's attitudes and behaviors. Or, it might come through general themes
that keep recurring in discussion.

As people get a better focus on what they want to have happen in their lives, some personal goals
might be identified. They are clarified and made more evident. They are described generally and in
specific terms in order to obtain an image or picture of desired outcomes.

In this sense, the process is much like working with a manual camera. It takes fine-tuning to get a
clear image and the camera's eye takes in only so much of the landscape. Yet, this fine-tuning makes
the helping process manageable. As the camera takes snapshots, new scenes soon appear.

Stage Five: Planning and Taking Action.

During this stage, a person identifies a specific goal and arrives at a plan of action. This is primarily a
"next step." It may have several parts, but the most immediate course of action is usually identified.

One of the human conditions that is intriguing is our ability to have fantasies--to dream about things
that we would like to see happen. How often have you thought about doing some things but did not
do them? We can think about what we would like to have happen, but sometimes we fail to take any
action and so nothing happens. In some cases, this is not so bad. In other instances, the lack of
action reduces energy and commitment and the goal slips away into fantasyland or is forgotten
altogether.

It is assumed that a first or next step will trigger other behaviors and actions related to the goal.
While other goals and more plans may be sketched out later, preparing for immediate responsible
action is a high priority at this stage. Discussion of possible consequences, alternatives, and skills
needed, and perhaps even a role-play might work well here.

Stage Six: The Interim.

It is the responsibility of the person you are helping to implement the plan. Unless you have agreed
to collaborate, which then makes the plan and the problem part of your responsibility, the person is
in charge of making things happen. There is now an interim period where action is taken.

Stage Seven: Follow-up and Evaluation.

The follow-up and evaluation stage is a time when you look at what has been accomplished and
assess any progress that has been made. This might be done formally or informally.

You can begin by asking, "Well, how did it go?" "What happened?" "Tell me how you started." "What
did you like best about what you did?" "If you were to change things what would you do differently"
"How would you approach it now?" "What did you learn or relearn from your experience?"

Open-ended questions, followed by other high facilitative responses, will help you follow the person's
lead. It gives the individual an opportunity to talk about the situation and perhaps consider more
next steps.

Stage Eight: Closure and Separation.

In this final stage, you help fashion an end to the work that you have been doing with the person. It
is time to move on.

If the person is a part of your social or work life and someone who you will see in the future, then
you find a way to close this topic and focus on other matters. If the helping process was successful,
it is likely that you will feel closer and not want to separate as a friend.

When you help a friend to solve a difficult personal problem the person could become defensive, feel
inferior, and worry that you know too much. It is essential, if you are going to keep the relationship
that your friend feel accepted, understood, and respected. Trust and privacy are essential.

If the person your helping is someone that you met and worked with as part of your job or perhaps
a volunteer project, then separation might have a different meaning. You still want to end on a
positive note. You can summarize any progress that has been made and celebrate the gains. Or, you
might want to ask the person what has been learned or relearned. This might be an excellent time to
use the feedback model to give a compliment.

These eight stages might be applied over several helping sessions or meetings. Or, they might be
expedited in one brief helping session where time is limited. The stages might apply when an
individual is trying to make a decision, trying to solve a problem, or trying to learn more about self
and others. While they emerged from studies of the helping relationship in a variety of settings, it is
not too difficult to see that these stages might also characterize occasions in long-term caring
relationships in which people help one another go through life.

The Depth of Self-Exploration

The difference between casual and intimate relationships is the length and depth to which a person
will self-disclose. A satisfying partnership or marriage, for instance, will reflect a history of moments
when people shared their utmost selves with one another. It is usually a private and revered
experience. Some call it a peak experience. They do not happen every day but when they occur
people know it, feel it, and treasure it. They provide lasting bonds for the relationship.

Certainly, people do not walk around sharing their deepest thoughts and emotions all the time. It's
too intense. People might be fascinated at first, but then the force of it would wear them down and
drive them away. In addition, almost all people are cautious about self-disclosing their deepest
thoughts and feelings, for fear that it is inappropriate or could be used against them. This applies to
all relationships.

In a typical helping relationship, one person is the helper or facilitator. This may be a professional, a
paraprofessional, or perhaps even a stranger who is available at the right time and place. Unless
people are wracked with psychological pain and, knowingly or unknowingly, disregard caution most
are looking for the helping conditions (e.g. respect, understanding, acceptance, etc.) before they
open-up and self-disclose personal experiences. Again, the high facilitative responses help create
those favorable conditions.

What does it mean to explore something in depth? Is it related to time or the information that is
disclosed? Or, is it reflected in the personal meaning that it has and results for the helpee? Are
there levels of communication, some of which are more prized than others?

Depth of Disclosure: First Level.

It is not possible to answer these questions in detail here, but it can be useful to conceptualize the
helping process as facilitating someone to talk about matters according to three different levels of
personal exploration.

The first level (See Figure 16.1) is characterized by intellectual ideas and superficial talk. This talk is
usually focused on other people and what they are thinking and doing.

For example, "You know my friend, Josh? Well, he's planning to move away in two weeks. He's not
very happy about it. He has a new job, somewhere in south Florida. He says it's a good opportunity,
but he's going to miss his friends here." There is little information about the person who is talking,
only about his friend.

In another case a young woman said, "College is a good way to prepare for life, even if you don't
know what you want to major in. It can't hurt a person. On the other hand, there are many people
who have gone to college later, after they have had some work experience. That might be a good
idea." Again, this first level of communication might be interesting, but there not much depth in
self-disclosure. Look at the language. There are no personal feelings expressed, although the topic
is important to the person.

In this particular case, the helper cued into the nonverbal behavior of the woman and responded with
this feeling focused response: "You're not sure going to college at this point in your life is what you
want to do." This response moved the person to talk more in depth about her thoughts and feelings.

Depth of Disclosure: Second Level.

A second level of communication emphasizes talk about self. You hear the pronoun "I" used more
often. There is an attempt to reveal personal information, but personal meaning and experience are
lost in the event that is described or the ideas shared.

For instance, "I want to get better grades in English and it's a class that I could do better in, if I tried.
I know that. It's something I have to do and just can't put it off any longer. I know that the professor
is thinking I can't do it, but she's got the wrong idea about my ability. If she sees me as a C student,
then that's what I am going to get. I can tell."

While this person is talking more about the situation from a personal viewpoint, the language focuses
on general ideas about the class and the professor. You should not be fooled by all references to
self, as they are limited and only in the context of the event.

Depth of Disclosure: Third Level.

The third level centers on the impact that an event has had on a person and its personal meaning.
This is most likely to be expressed in feeling words or personal statements that indicate what a
person is experiencing. This invariably has to do with pleasant, unpleasant or both kinds of feelings.
It is the subjective core of the person's life experience and is directed to the person's values,
perceptions and attitudes.

For example, "I'm so discouraged right now. You see, I've tried hard in that class, but I come up short
each time. It's really get tin;~ to me. It just seems hopeless and I'm not sure what to do about it." In
this case, the words not only provide information about the topic or event, but they reveal personal
experience and meaning behind the words that tell of ideas or events. They are penetrating
thoughts or feelings that add depth of experience.

One way to determine whether you are facilitative is to look at the impact of your responses. Do
they help a person explore matters in depth or do they steer the conversation to a more superficial
level? How much time is spent at the more superficial levels? Is the absence of exploring matters in
depth a consequence of the helper's skills or the helpee's resistance? The facilitative model
assumes that you will need and can use all the facilitative responses to encourage people to explore
their situations in depth.

In a helping relationship, the facilitator encourages people to share and explore ideas at all three
levels. In a loving and caring relationship, such as a marriage, partners could take turns facilitating
the other at all levels. Sometimes it is comforting and easier to talk about a topic at an intellectual
level before looking at its deeper personal meaning.

In different studies using typed transcripts of people talking together, it is evident that that most
people jump from one level to another, and back again, as they attempt to talk about themselves.
Those who understand the nature of the helping relationship can probably stay at a deeper level of
disclosure and exploration for longer periods of time. This is especially true if they are with a
facilitator.

Perhaps one more concept might apply here, especially if you are trying to figure out what is
facilitative and what is not. Remember that the facilitative model (Topic 9) is built on probabilities.
That is, high facilitative responses are more likely to elicit the facilitative conditions.

When high facilitative responses are used, there is also a high probability that people will move
through the facilitative processes of self-disclosing, feedback, increased self-awareness,
decision-making, and responsible action. Moreover, high facilitative responses tend to encourage
people to explore topics in depth.

Yet, perhaps the real test of whether or not a response or an action is facilitative--moving toward a
desired goal and through the four facilitative processes--is how the person acts or responds to
whatever you do.

Facilitative responses and actions are related only to general expectations and probabilities. By
themselves, them mean nothing. It is in the context of helping people that their value must be
demonstrated. Therefore, it is suggested that you increase the frequency of the high facilitative
responses to help people explore matters in depth. Take note of the impact of your language and
behaviors and then decide what you want to say or do next.