I'm a noxious person... and I don't realize until I'm 16. A harmful person is invaded by fear, suffering and lack of self-esteem.
It's not a choice but an instinct for survival. To stop feeling that way (the event of the past), we decide unconsciously to fight and control the world.
We create strategies, plans. we develop capacities to dominate others, to control the world around us and tell ourselves that we have our destiny in our hands and that we exist.
We create an image of ourselves that doesn't exist to give the image of virility. We're deluding ourselves. we create a world for ourselves, people hate us. We literally live in another reality to escape our weaknesses.
The results? This thing created by our mind without our knowledge that we nourish by destroying others, rejecting them, accusing them of betrayal, denigrating your abilities and deliberately failing to fail, eventually consumes us.
And you lost everything. You've ruined your life, lost the woman you love so much, lost your friends.
The only time you realize who you are... is when you've lost everything. Alone at the bottom of his hole with guilt, regret and tears as his only companions. But it's too late for that.
Personally, I don't know if I would ever be able to become a positive person again.
I will go through my own darkness, try to fight my own demons (Control, Manipulator, selfishness, selfishness, lack of self-confidence and lack of self esteem).
The saddest part of all this is that even if I get out of it I should live with the pain I would have inflicted on others and with the fact that you can't go back.
I'm a monster and I'd get up if I had the strength.