Interdependence
Self-Efficacy
Communication
Sexuality
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Intimacy
Relationship Readiness
Conflict Resolution
Attitudes About Love
Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be "relationship material" with you.
Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at the Plenty of Fish community!
lordarnoud, Your Assessment is below
Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a "couple identity" with your partner.
Your answer pattens suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:
“Are you the type of person who feels lonely easily? Please explain and share some past experiences of how you coped well or did not cope well”
"When it comes to the time a couple spends together, is quality more important than quantity in your opinion?"
“When you’ve been away from a partner for any length of time, how have you filled that time and found personal fulfillment?”
Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.
You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:
“Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have?”
“Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back?”
“Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need?”
Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.
People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:
“Do people need to fish for compliments from you, or are you the kind of person who frequently gives spontaneous acknowledgements and praise to others?”
“What are the most important responsibilities in a friendship?”
“Do you think success in life is largely a matter of good organization or largely a matter of luck?”
Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
All in all, I admit to feeling that I am a failure. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are easily frustrated, that you are a perfectionist or that you are overly self critical and impatient. On the positive side, it could mean that you are modest or that you always strive for personal or professional growth.
Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.
In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:
“Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?”
“What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner?”
“Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some personal business?”
Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
When I am with other people, I feel connected to them. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are the type of person to posture socially, that you are attention-seeking and overly flirtatious or gregarious or that you are not appropriately reserved with people until you get to know them better. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not allow yourself to become preoccupied, that you are attentive or sensitive to those around you, that you follow social etiquette or that you are concerned with the comfort level of others.
Issues you seem to Under-value
My financial and legal business is handled. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are experiencing a state of personal/ professional flux, you are poor at money management or that you are addressing personal issues or baggage from past relationships. On the positive side, it could mean that you are always striving for personal growth and achievement, you are an ambitious and visionary thinker or that you are realistic about your life’s circumstances.
Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.
Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:
“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”
“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”
“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”
Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.
Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are generally strong across all of these basic elements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome that is best for the relationship. In fact, a defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is the capacity to relinquish their control and pride for the greater good and growth of the relationship. Bottom line: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:
“In your past relationships, have you felt responsible for your partner’s well being? Explain”
“Is it the case that you can not be happy unless you place your partner’s happiness before your own?”
“What sort of things or situations would you not endure for the sake of your partner or relationship?”
Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
I generally act on the first idea that comes to mind in solving a problem. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not flexible or creative, that you like to avoid conflict, that you focus on what is easy versus what is right or that you tend to rush to judgment. On the positive side, it could mean that you are decisive, that you do not over think or over analyze information or that you do not procrastinate in addressing issues.
Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.
Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a fairly good sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. In fact, people in this range are characterized sexually as liking the focus on themselves and maintaining control. This does not mean that you are not concerned with satisfying your partner; indeed you can be quite passionate. It simply means that you probably put your own sexual needs first more often than not. Those sexual needs are perhaps best described as fairly conservative compared to most other people, yet you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are likely open to try various activities as long as they sound appealing to you. Therefore, you may be less inclined to new experiences if they are only intended to please your partner. You tend to be open when talking to your partner about your needs, and you certainly tend not to be self conscious in the bedroom itself. For people in this range, sex can be casual, but they strive for it to be always fun and romantic. Bottom line: you need someone who sees sex as romantic and fun and especially who will like to be submissive to your sexual desires.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:
“Do you think you have a stronger sex drive than most people?”
“Where do you think most of your ideas and values about sex originated?”
“If you felt safe, do you think you would do almost anything to please your partner sexually?”
Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.
There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:
“In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain”
“If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person?”
“How do you feel about the notion that ‘common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust’?”
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.
There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Physical Touch. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through touch – a playful tickle, holding hands, hugs and kisses or a light touch as s/he passes by.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“How do you flirt physically with a partner and how often do you like to?”
“Do you like to act like a kid and playfully wrestle or have a tickle or pillow fight with a partner?”
“How comfortable are you with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) and which kinds?”
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Gifts received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need Gifts. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just giving you tangible surprises – such as gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or expensive presents that commemorate special occasions.
Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there?”
“Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?”
“Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone’s affection?”