Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- 1
- 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,433
- <i>Welcome to Zombieland.</i>
- 2
- 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,400
- <i>Back for seconds?
- After all this time?</i>
- 3
- 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,551
- <i>Well, what can I say,
- but thank you.</i>
- 4
- 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,913
- <i>You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie
- entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.</i>
- 5
- 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,676
- <i>So you know how Eskimos have
- a bunch of words for snow?</i>
- 6
- 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,831
- <i>The only reason we've survived
- the last several years</i>
- 7
- 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,920
- <i>is that we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty
- enemies better than we know ourselves.</i>
- 8
- 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,437
- <i>In the time since we last saw you,
- zombies have evolved,</i>
- 9
- 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,194
- <i>so we've given them
- different names.</i>
- 10
- 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,958
- <i>This lady here is getting chased by the dumbest
- Z there is, what we call a Homer.</i>
- 11
- 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,510
- <i>In a world without YouTube,
- who isn't entertained by a Homer?</i>
- 12
- 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,471
- <i>Unfortunately, for every Homer,
- there's a Hawking,</i>
- 13
- 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,593
- <i>as in Stephen.</i>
- 14
- 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:53,397
- <i>Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix,
- who's still got some brains left to figure shit out.</i>
- 15
- 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,550
- Open, open!
- 16
- 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,360
- <i>Clever girl.</i>
- 17
- 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,274
- <i>Okay. Last one.</i>
- 18
- 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,272
- <i>Whoa, whoa, whoa,
- what was that?</i>
- 19
- 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,396
- <i>Okay, all right. Well, this time,
- let's play Name That Zombie.</i>
- 20
- 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,470
- Hello?
- 21
- 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,160
- Hello?
- 22
- 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,880
- <i>The Ninja.
- Silent, deadly.</i>
- 23
- 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,270
- <i>The first thing you hear is
- your own scream.</i>
- 24
- 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,070
- <i>You can imagine how thrilled we were
- to crack the zombie code.</i>
- 25
- 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,680
- <i>But life is about more than
- just survival.</i>
- 26
- 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,235
- <i>Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives,
- I'd been searching for a place to put down roots.</i>
- 27
- 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,354
- <i>My old pal Tallahassee has this saying,
- "Go big or go home."</i>
- 28
- 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,677
- <i>It's not his signature phrase,
- but it did give me an idea.</i>
- 29
- 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,114
- <i>Why not go big...</i>
- 30
- 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,270
- <i>and go home?</i>
- 31
- 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,633
- <i>♪ End of passion play,
- crumbling away ♪</i>
- 32
- 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,111
- <i>♪ I'm your source
- of self-destruction ♪</i>
- 33
- 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,040
- <i>♪ Veins that pump with fear
- Sucking darkest clear ♪</i>
- 34
- 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,591
- <i>♪ Leading on your death's
- construction ♪</i>
- 35
- 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,119
- <i>♪ Taste me you will see ♪</i>
- 36
- 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,712
- <i>♪ More is all you need ♪</i>
- 37
- 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,477
- <i>♪ Dedicated to how I'm killing you ♪</i>
- 38
- 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,919
- <i>♪ Come crawling faster ♪</i>
- 39
- 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,395
- <i>♪ Obey your master ♪</i>
- 40
- 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,155
- <i>♪ Your life burns faster ♪</i>
- 41
- 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,597
- <i>♪ Obey your master, master! ♪</i>
- 42
- 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,236
- <i>♪ Master of puppets,
- I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>
- 43
- 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,593
- <i>♪ Twisting your mind
- and smashing your dreams ♪</i>
- 44
- 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,354
- <i>♪ Blinded by me,
- you can't see a thing ♪</i>
- 45
- 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,194
- <i>♪ Just call my name
- 'cause I'll hear you scream ♪</i>
- 46
- 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,632
- <i>♪ Master, master! ♪</i>
- 47
- 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,039
- <i>♪ Master of puppets,
- I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>
- 48
- 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,077
- <i>♪ Twisting your mind
- and smashing your... ♪♪</i>
- 49
- 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,077
- Hail to the motherfucking chief.
- 50
- 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,069
- <i>There are worse places
- to hang your hat.</i>
- 51
- 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,160
- Wait, why does he get to be president?
- 52
- 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,871
- I would have made a damn fine president.
- Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.
- 53
- 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,879
- - You would have brought a real dignity to the office.
- - Thank you.
- 54
- 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,080
- You don't have what it takes. I'll be president.
- And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.
- 55
- 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,631
- So that means I get to be president
- if you get killed by zombies.
- 56
- 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,839
- That wasn't what I was thinking
- when I offered the position, but yes.
- 57
- 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,274
- <i>I have this rule:
- Enjoy the little things.</i>
- 58
- 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,791
- <i>Which is what we spent a lot of time doing
- in those early days at the White House.</i>
- 59
- 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,840
- <i>And it was a really special time,
- making a house our home.</i>
- 60
- 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,717
- ♪ Happy birthday to ♪
- 61
- 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,111
- Shooting up, not to.
- All right. Nice!
- 62
- 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,276
- <i>Wichita and I fell into
- our own version of domestic bliss.</i>
- 63
- 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,432
- <i>Well, not quite bliss,
- but domesticity to be sure.</i>
- 64
- 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,150
- - Did Abe's blindfold fall off again?
- - No, it did not fall off. I took it off.
- 65
- 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,391
- It's so creepy.
- He just stares at us all night.
- 66
- 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,632
- That stare emancipated the slaves, okay?
- And it ended the Civil War.
- 67
- 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,791
- We should be grateful
- he's gawking at us.
- 68
- 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,475
- Remember what happened
- the last time you took the blindfold off?
- 69
- 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,399
- - You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch?
- - Mm-hm.
- 70
- 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,680
- - Is that better?
- - Much better.
- 71
- 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,114
- Good.
- 72
- 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,920
- <i>- I love you so much, baby.</i>
- - Sorry.
- 73
- 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,590
- You are so gorgeous.
- 74
- 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,717
- We really need to find you someone.
- 75
- 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,477
- That's where you're wrong.
- Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here.
- 76
- 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,951
- Okay. Well, then we need
- to find someone for me.
- 77
- 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,072
- Shouldn't be a problem,
- long as you're open to dating zombies.
- 78
- 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,437
- So you're saying what?
- I'm never gonna find a boyfriend,
- 79
- 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,477
- or get married, have a family?
- 80
- 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,156
- We're your family,
- so one out of three ain't bad.
- 81
- 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,319
- <i>Little Rock had a strong desire
- to leave the nest.</i>
- 82
- 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,519
- <i>And let's just say Tallahassee wasn't
- the most understanding father figure.</i>
- 83
- 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,636
- Little Rock!
- 84
- 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,315
- <i>But for better or worse,
- we were a family.</i>
- 85
- 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:22,235
- <i>And for the first time since the virus,
- we were living somewhere truly safe,</i>
- 86
- 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,677
- <i>making every day feel like...
- Well, like Christmas morning.</i>
- 87
- 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,754
- Hello? Ho-ho-ho!
- 88
- 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,240
- Merry Christmas!
- 89
- 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,959
- - Hey, Tal.
- - Santa.
- 90
- 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,794
- What would you like for Christmas,
- little girl? A pony?
- 91
- 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,634
- I'd like you to stop calling me
- "little girl."
- 92
- 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,872
- Well, technically, you are little
- and you're a girl.
- 93
- 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,670
- Well, I am not a little girl,
- but do you know what I would like?
- 94
- 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,911
- I don't give a fuck what you'd like.
- 95
- 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,994
- <i>Not to sound too sentimental,</i>
- 96
- 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:57,155
- <i>but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
- may have been the best days of my life,</i>
- 97
- 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,833
- <i>and that's counting pre-Z.</i>
- 98
- 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,760
- Wait a second.
- 99
- 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,120
- Oh, my God. No.
- 100
- 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,680
- A first-edition Tolkien,
- and you wrote in it.
- 101
- 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,638
- There's my name right there,
- marring this perfectly preserved paper.
- 102
- 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,470
- Thank you. And yours too.
- You didn't stop. Thank you so much.
- 103
- 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,557
- It's a bit touching.
- 104
- 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,475
- Hey, I couldn't find any wrapping paper,
- but don't worry about it.
- 105
- 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,871
- Just tear it open. It doesn't matter.
- It's only Taft.
- 106
- 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,360
- He was our fattest president,
- 107
- 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,320
- so there's a lot left over
- if you need some wrapping paper.
- 108
- 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,790
- Columbus, I didn't get anything
- from you.
- 109
- 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,800
- Just what I wanted. Another gun.
- 110
- 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,920
- Oh, hey, well, not just any gun.
- A Colt 45.
- 111
- 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,750
- And not just any Colt 45.
- The King's.
- 112
- 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,914
- - England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?
- - There's only one king.
- 113
- 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,119
- Elvis Aaron fucking Presley,
- the greatest who ever lived.
- 114
- 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,713
- The king of kings.
- 115
- 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,872
- He gave this gun to Nixon
- when he visited the White House,
- 116
- 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,840
- and I give it to you,
- locked and loaded.
- 117
- 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,277
- Yeah, he used to shoot
- that Colt in his backyard.
- 118
- 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,677
- King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee.
- I tell you about Graceland?
- 119
- 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,434
- - Only a hundred times.
- - We're gonna go there together someday.
- 120
- 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,671
- Actually, I'm gonna go
- shoot this right now.
- 121
- 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,878
- I think I saw some Zs down
- by the reflecting pool.
- 122
- 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,633
- - Well, I'll go with.
- - I'll go by myself.
- 123
- 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,430
- - It's Christmas.
- - It's not fucking Christmas. It's November 17th.
- 124
- 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,951
- <i>Little Rock was on the hunt, all right,
- for people her own age.</i>
- 125
- 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:34,432
- <i>And the thing is, they were out there.
- We just made it a point to keep our distance.</i>
- 126
- 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,274
- <i>Which would kind of suck
- if you were the one stuck in the nest.</i>
- 127
- 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,559
- God, this is really terrifying,
- 128
- 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,279
- but totally unrealistic.
- 129
- 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,480
- Hey, she'll be fine.
- 130
- 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,515
- Wish she didn't remind me
- so much of me.
- 131
- 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,831
- Hey, come on.
- What's wrong with you?
- 132
- 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,560
- Nothing.
- 133
- 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,630
- All right. I wasn't gonna do this now.
- 134
- 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:08,237
- Okay. Look, you always say that,
- like, I play it too safe,
- 135
- 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,915
- and I know we've been in, like,
- a bit of a rut lately.
- 136
- 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,998
- So I thought, what better way
- to spice things up than to...
- 137
- 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,199
- Get married?
- 138
- 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,160
- - Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay.
- - Is that the Hope diamond?
- 139
- 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:30,154
- I certainly hope it is. I want you to be Miss Ohio.
- Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.
- 140
- 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,550
- This is so unfair.
- You know how I feel about this.
- 141
- 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,154
- - What?
- - We've talked about this.
- 142
- 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:39,360
- In my limited, but absurdly painful experience,
- married people only do one thing.
- 143
- 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,239
- - What, fight? We already do that.
- - Get divorced.
- 144
- 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,358
- I don't see us going that route.
- I mean, where would we find the lawyers?
- 145
- 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:51,190
- - I don't know what to say.
- - Well, don't say anything. Yet.
- 146
- 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,557
- Okay? This was my fault.
- I put you on the spot.
- 147
- 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,111
- Just think about it,
- and let me know whenever you're ready.
- 148
- 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,318
- Everything will work out
- exactly as it's supposed to.
- 149
- 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:21,718
- Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?
- Get a little too much eggnog last night?
- 150
- 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,315
- - Bad news.
- - Bad news?
- 151
- 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,757
- Well, you know what cancels out bad news?
- Good news.
- 152
- 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,390
- - Today is the day that Wichita says...
- - Adios.
- 153
- 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,640
- Hm?
- 154
- 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,276
- "Dear C and T,
- we feel like total shit about leaving.
- 155
- 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,556
- Sorry, not good at notes.
- W and LR."
- 156
- 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,920
- Well, yeah. "Not good at notes" is
- a pretty huge understatement.
- 157
- 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,916
- You know he's gonna
- take this Beast thing pretty hard.
- 158
- 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,118
- Well, he should learn
- to not get so attached.
- 159
- 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,837
- Never get attached. Remember?
- That was the problem with Columbus, he got too attached.
- 160
- 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:05,240
- - Well, with Tallahassee, it's like he thinks he's my dad.
- - Sure, but you are so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.
- 161
- 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:10,076
- Have you seen him use Q-tips?
- His bedtime routine took an hour.
- 162
- 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,958
- - Stop.
- - What? God, sorry.
- 163
- 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,157
- - No, stop! Stop!
- - Oh!
- 164
- 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,670
- Namaste.
- 165
- 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,520
- Hi.
- 166
- 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,318
- <i>Wichita leaving hit me
- like a shotgun blast.</i>
- 167
- 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,040
- <i>So after weeks of feeling sorry
- for myself,</i>
- 168
- 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,079
- <i>I thought a little retail therapy might help
- get her off my mind.</i>
- 169
- 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,597
- It's not like I immediately wanted to start,
- like, wedding planning or anything.
- 170
- 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,796
- I'm not crazy.
- 171
- 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,349
- And who wants to get married in the winter?
- Spring, sure.
- 172
- 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,839
- - Although my hair and the humidity...
- - Oh, my God! Man, I cannot listen to this shit anymore.
- 173
- 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,072
- - My God, it's been over a month.
- - Yeah, I'm bereft.
- 174
- 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,153
- Okay, I'm giving you one more day
- to mope around,
- 175
- 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,074
- and then you gotta snap the fuck out of it.
- 176
- 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,074
- This whole "finding a home" idea of yours
- has made us soft.
- 177
- 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,311
- And by us, I mean you.
- 178
- 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,434
- It's high time that we nut up and hit
- the road again. And by we, I mean me.
- 179
- 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,991
- That's where I belong.
- On my own. Lone wolf.
- 180
- 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,912
- You're welcome to tag along.
- 181
- 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,397
- - Yeah, but when they come back, we won't be here.
- - They are never coming back.
- 182
- 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,040
- - I got it.
- - No, no, no.
- 183
- 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,120
- Okay.
- 184
- 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,197
- Yeah, it was good.
- You shot your alcohol with your gun.
- 185
- 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,240
- Not bad, huh?
- 186
- 00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:53,791
- No. Not bad,
- but definitely no ZKOTY.
- 187
- 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,910
- <i>ZKOTY,
- that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."</i>
- 188
- 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,469
- <i>Like a junkie in search
- of a higher high,</i>
- 189
- 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,439
- <i>Tallahassee is no longer happy
- with Zombie Kill of the Week.</i>
- 190
- 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,560
- <i>Which, if you're keeping score,
- just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa.</i>
- 191
- 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,791
- <i>You may wanna set down
- the Milk Duds for this one.</i>
- 192
- 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,155
- You dead, zombie!
- 193
- 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,232
- Whoo-whee, pig!
- 194
- 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,236
- <i>Congratulations, Dave.</i>
- 195
- 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,312
- Listen, I never told you this before.
- In fact, I never told anybody.
- 196
- 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:29,918
- But I have Native American blood
- coursing through my veins.
- 197
- 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,357
- - Like, right now?
- - Yeah. Right now.
- 198
- 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:40,037
- Blackfoot Indian to be exact.
- The freest men in history.
- 199
- 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:45,878
- Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,
- no houses, no laws, no possessions,
- 200
- 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,749
- no chiefs to report to,
- no wives to listen to.
- 201
- 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,035
- They listened...
- 202
- 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,875
- to the call of the buffalo.
- 203
- 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,758
- And they hunted those buffalo
- 204
- 00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:02,279
- by herding them off the cliff
- to their deaths.
- 205
- 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,878
- The great buffalo jump.
- 206
- 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,440
- Oh.
- 207
- 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,515
- I don't know why I never told anyone
- about my Blackfoot blood.
- 208
- 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,235
- I guess it's a sacred little secret.
- 209
- 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,792
- Honestly, you're the first paleface
- I have genuinely trusted
- 210
- 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,432
- because you've always been there for me.
- You care and you really listen.
- 211
- 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,354
- <i>Unless you're in a 4D theatre,</i>
- 212
- 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,990
- <i>there is no way I can communicate
- how bad Z-land smells,</i>
- 213
- 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,436
- <i>which is why I like candles so much.</i>
- 214
- 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,116
- <i>Today, maybe a frosty gingerbread
- or a Bahama breeze.</i>
- 215
- 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,200
- Mmm.
- 216
- 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,796
- - Whoa!
- - Ah!
- 217
- 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,351
- Oh, my God! Please forgive me.
- It's fake fur!
- 218
- 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,671
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- I thought you were a...
- 219
- 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,877
- - You thought I was a zombie?
- - Yeah.
- 220
- 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,751
- Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat.
- I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually.
- 221
- 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,516
- - Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.
- - Madison.
- 222
- 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,996
- - Hi. Nice to meet you.
- - Nice to meet you. Oh.
- 223
- 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,675
- All right. We're hugging. So soon.
- Nice to meet you.
- 224
- 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,036
- It's nice to touch a human.
- 225
- 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,760
- - Don't mind me.
- - Oh, hello. If I can have my body?
- 226
- 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,151
- Hi, sorry. This is Tallahassee.
- This is Madison. Madison, Tallahassee.
- 227
- 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,839
- Is this your dad?
- 228
- 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,870
- For shit's sake, slightly older,
- better-looking friend.
- 229
- 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,599
- - Cute.
- - You live here?
- 230
- 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:23,038
- No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer
- in Pinkberry.
- 231
- 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,591
- It keeps the zombies out,
- though it is awfully chilly.
- 232
- 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,876
- Do you ever consider turning it off?
- 233
- 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,176
- Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere.
- Just hoping the electricity would run out.
- 234
- 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,193
- I know, it's amazing.
- As long as it rains, the dams give us power.
- 235
- 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,953
- Apparently not brain power.
- 236
- 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:47,077
- I feel like you're being super judgy.
- Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you.
- 237
- 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,038
- - Are you?
- - Oh, my God. There it was again.
- 238
- 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,191
- - Yeah, I saw it.
- - And that's hurtful, okay?
- 239
- 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,437
- I'm, like,
- really good at surviving.
- 240
- 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,231
- I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go.
- And I can run really, really fast.
- 241
- 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,040
- Probably because I used to do
- a lot of hot yoga and SoulCycle.
- 242
- 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,158
- Cardio! Sorry,
- I do a lot of cardio too.
- 243
- 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:10,197
- It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky.
- But I have rules for surviving Zombieland.
- 244
- 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 245
- 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,320
- So do I!
- 246
- 00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:14,073
- You have rules
- for surviving Zombieland?
- 247
- 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,675
- Actually, mine is just mostly stay
- in the freezer.
- 248
- 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,955
- - Oh.
- - Ha, ha.
- 249
- 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,030
- You know, we actually set up camp, like,
- down the road, like, at the White House.
- 250
- 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,310
- Ah-ah.
- 251
- 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,536
- - The White House? Oh, my God.
- - Would you wanna come and, like, hang out?
- 252
- 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,517
- - I would love that.
- - Cool.
- 253
- 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,796
- Okay.
- How many rules do you have?
- 254
- 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,349
- - You wanna know about my rules?
- - I wanna hear all of them.
- 255
- 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,672
- - Well, number two is double tap.
- - Double tap.
- 256
- 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,594
- - Double tap, yes.
- - Double tap you.
- 257
- 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,680
- You got me.
- 258
- 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,313
- I'm murdered.
- 259
- 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,474
- <i>Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
- She's absolutely not my type.</i>
- 260
- 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,313
- <i>But after Wichita
- broke my heart,</i>
- 261
- 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,231
- <i>I was just excited to talk to somebody who smelled
- like a candle, and not whisky and gunpowder.</i>
- 262
- 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,434
- So Wichita and Little Rock left. It leaves
- just us guys again. You know, bachelors.
- 263
- 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,035
- This guy. You know, making a mess.
- 264
- 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,955
- Which actually brings me
- to rule number 53, Wet-Naps.
- 265
- 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,319
- - Whoa.
- - Yeah.
- 266
- 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:11,396
- - I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head.
- - Thank you.
- 267
- 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,039
- - It's amazing.
- - Thank you.
- 268
- 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,430
- - You know, you're really lucky.
- - What?
- 269
- 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,434
- That you found someone so smart
- to take care of you.
- 270
- 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,877
- Most people your age,
- they get left all by themselves,
- 271
- 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,031
- and that can be so sad.
- 272
- 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,477
- Yeah. I am so lucky.
- 273
- 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,516
- - Hey, can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?
- - Yeah.
- 274
- 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:39,079
- You guys, I can't believe we're
- in the White House. This is soy random.
- 275
- 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,696
- <i>You got to broom this girl.</i>
- 276
- 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,074
- You know why she's still alive?
- 277
- 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,312
- Because zombies eat brains,
- and she ain't got any!
- 278
- 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,996
- All right? It doesn't matter
- because I'm hitting the road come sunup.
- 279
- 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,594
- - Columbus?
- - Yes?
- 280
- 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,399
- Could you maybe give me a tour?
- 281
- 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,837
- Whoa, this is the Oval Office.
- 282
- 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,639
- Why do they call it that?
- 283
- 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,796
- - You ready?
- - You ready?
- 284
- 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,234
- - I'm ready too.
- - I'm ready.
- 285
- 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,356
- - Great.
- - Too.
- 286
- 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,077
- - Let's go.
- - He's kind of funny.
- 287
- 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,238
- - Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him.
- - Okay.
- 288
- 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,154
- The main attraction. Ta-da.
- 289
- 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,478
- The Lincoln bedroom. And believe it or not,
- Lincoln never even slept here.
- 290
- 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,076
- - I didn't actually want a tour, silly.
- - What?
- 291
- 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,355
- - Hi.
- - Hi.
- 292
- 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,320
- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
- 293
- 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,835
- - What's the matter?
- - I don't know.
- 294
- 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,640
- - Don't you think that I'm pretty?
- - Yes, you're very pretty.
- 295
- 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,519
- You're like
- "the girl in Apartment 406" pretty.
- 296
- 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,751
- I just...
- I feel kind of guilty.
- 297
- 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,559
- Because of Jesus?
- 298
- 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,120
- I know ways around that.
- 299
- 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,799
- - No, no. I... Please. I can't.
- - Okay, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years.
- 300
- 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,994
- So either we're doing this right now,
- or I am biting the bullet, and I am doing the old guy.
- 301
- 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,760
- Okay.
- 302
- 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,476
- - God! You're so hot! Oh my God!
- - It's the humidity.
- 303
- 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,596
- Oh, yeah!
- 304
- 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,510
- Holy...
- 305
- 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,149
- Nutting up,
- definitely not shutting up.
- 306
- 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,240
- Yeah!
- 307
- 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,715
- Shit.
- 308
- 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,235
- Sorry,
- it's Washington's old flintlock.
- 309
- 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,960
- It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhower
- from the emperor of Japan.
- 310
- 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,190
- Oh, touché.
- 311
- 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,711
- - I heard a strange noise.
- - Yeah, I've been hearing some strange noises too.
- 312
- 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,991
- Oh, yeah.
- That was us having sex.
- 313
- 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,196
- Rule number one.
- 314
- 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,075
- Yeah,
- maybe rule number 32 for her.
- 315
- 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,800
- What? Hey.
- 316
- 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,833
- Okay. Ready?
- 317
- 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,117
- - Go!
- - Okay, let's go. Come on.
- 318
- 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,998
- Oh, fuck.
- 319
- 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,080
- Shit.
- 320
- 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,679
- Honey, I'm home.
- 321
- 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,719
- Oh, my God, you're back. I mean,
- you're back or whatever. That's cool.
- 322
- 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,712
- I'm not staying.
- I just came to get weapons.
- 323
- 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,440
- - At 1:00 in the morning?
- - Yeah, after a month missing.
- 324
- 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,909
- Little Rock's gone.
- 325
- 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,831
- It was great. It felt so good
- to be on the move again.
- 326
- 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,994
- Yeah, we've been having, like,
- a really good time here too, right? Together.
- 327
- 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,630
- We picked up someone new.
- Just a boy.
- 328
- 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,191
- He's a couple years older than Little Rock,
- and he's from Berkeley.
- 329
- 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,351
- - Berkeley?
- - Mm-hm.
- 330
- 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,590
- ♪ Don't worry ♪
- 331
- 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,672
- <i>- You said Berkeley?
- - Yes.</i>
- 332
- 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,229
- <i>Berke-fucking-ley?</i>
- 333
- 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,589
- <i>He plays the guitar.</i>
- 334
- 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,752
- Shut the fuck up right now!
- I know what you're about to tell me.
- 335
- 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,150
- She's dating a musician!
- 336
- 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,234
- Hey, come on, dude. Don't you think you're,
- like, overreacting maybe, like, a little bit?
- 337
- 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,676
- Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting.
- I'm sorry. You're right.
- 338
- 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,155
- You go ahead.
- 339
- 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,674
- And he's a pacifist.
- 340
- 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,550
- He has survived on a strict policy
- of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi.
- 341
- 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,032
- No!
- 342
- 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,959
- Birkenstock sandals,
- wheatgrass!
- 343
- 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,191
- Fucking basketballs!
- 344
- 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,316
- No, I really...
- I have nothing against pacifists.
- 345
- 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,076
- I just wanna beat
- the shit out of them.
- 346
- 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:52,315
- ♪ This is my message to you ♪♪
- 347
- 00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:00,516
- Wow, I mean...
- You have a beautiful voice.
- 348
- 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,069
- - Thank you very much. Thank you.
- - Yeah.
- 349
- 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,597
- Hey, have you ever heard
- of this place, Graceland?
- 350
- 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,798
- Elvis was a fraud.
- He ripped off the black man.
- 351
- 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,439
- Oh. I don't know.
- I've just always wanted to go there.
- 352
- 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,910
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
- 353
- 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,795
- - Graceland would be cool.
- - Yeah. Yeah, it would be.
- 354
- 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,393
- I was adamant it was a dumb idea,
- so I did what I never do with her.
- 355
- 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,638
- I told her no. And you can
- probably guess what happened next.
- 356
- 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,479
- <i>She left a note,
- and then she hit the road.</i>
- 357
- 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,354
- Does anyone else get
- the irony in that?
- 358
- 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,400
- Huh?
- 359
- 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,280
- I'm so worried,
- you guys.
- 360
- 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,717
- They're travelling all that way,
- and all they have is a fucking guitar.
- 361
- 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,993
- Yeah, with no intention of ever swinging
- it at anything. You know, because he's a hippie.
- 362
- 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:04,034
- - She's supposed be killing the dead, not following them.
- - Oh, God.
- 363
- 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,431
- - There's something going on out there.
- - What?
- 364
- 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:12,470
- Berkeley told us about this new kind
- of zombie that's stronger, and faster,
- 365
- 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,200
- and deadlier and better adapted
- to the hunt.
- 366
- 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,797
- What? I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up.
- I mean, if you want us to come with you, just, like, ask us.
- 367
- 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,880
- - Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition.
- - Sure. Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it.
- 368
- 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,872
- - You know, this is all your fault.
- - Me?
- 369
- 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,350
- - If you hadn't pushed her away...
- - Well, not exactly.
- 370
- 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,558
- No, I didn't just run from him.
- She ran from you too.
- 371
- 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,160
- What?
- 372
- 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,078
- You... You mean well,
- but you're kind of overbearing.
- 373
- 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,040
- - Oh, right. I'm overbearing?
- - She's not a kid anymore.
- 374
- 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,591
- Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know,
- it sounds like she needs us.
- 375
- 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,956
- Whatever.
- We're gonna go get her.
- 376
- 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,155
- We ride at dawn.
- 377
- 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,720
- Once she's safe,
- I'm going my own way.
- 378
- 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,871
- So no goodbye, just like...
- 379
- 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,758
- - Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.
- - A lame note.
- 380
- 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,560
- Yeah, I know.
- You mentioned that in the note.
- 381
- 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,440
- I...
- 382
- 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,792
- I might have overreacted
- a little bit.
- 383
- 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,270
- I mean, the proposal kind
- of spooked me.
- 384
- 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,352
- You know what I'm trying to say.
- 385
- 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,798
- Oh, God. I'm sorry.
- 386
- 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,752
- You know how hard it is
- for me to say that
- 387
- 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,914
- because I hate women who are always apologising
- for things they have no reason to apologise for.
- 388
- 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:37,678
- But in this particular instance,
- I actually am really sorry.
- 389
- 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,672
- Well, thank you.
- That actually does mean a lot.
- 390
- 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,951
- I don't know.
- Maybe this could be like a...
- 391
- 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,713
- Like a turning point for us.
- 392
- 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,552
- Yeah, maybe.
- 393
- 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,950
- Columbus, you coming back to bed?
- 394
- 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:58,920
- Wow.
- 395
- 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,909
- Oh, boy.
- 396
- 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,832
- I mean, wow!
- 397
- 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,876
- Glad we had this little talk.
- Real turning point.
- 398
- 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,720
- Hi.
- 399
- 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,319
- - Is that your sister?
- - Oh, fuck.
- 400
- 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,555
- - You definitely don't need any help. Cool.
- - No, I've got it.
- 401
- 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:26,994
- The Beast is back.
- 402
- 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,118
- I cannot wait
- to get my hands behind the...
- 403
- 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,152
- What the fuck?
- 404
- 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,319
- No, no, no.
- 405
- 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,838
- No way is that GD minivan
- even sniffing at Graceland,
- 406
- 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:48,110
- home to perhaps America's finest automobile,
- Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.
- 407
- 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:54,997
- No. You know, it takes a real man
- to drive a pink Cadillac.
- 408
- 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,753
- Might make that a rule of my own.
- 409
- 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,471
- On second thought, fuck that,
- rules are for pussies.
- 410
- 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,638
- - Nothing personal.
- - How could it not be personal? That's my whole thing.
- 411
- 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,952
- - Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
- - Yeah. Come on. It's gonna be okay.
- 412
- 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,874
- <i>Even Tallahassee knows
- beggars can't be choosers.</i>
- 413
- 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,874
- <i>Vehicles with working batteries
- and parts are way scarcer nowadays,</i>
- 414
- 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,395
- <i>thanks to years of neglect
- and decline.</i>
- 415
- 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,550
- Breakaway mirror.
- 416
- 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,393
- <i>We can't be so picky anymore.</i>
- 417
- 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,597
- - Clear.
- - What? Oh, okay.
- 418
- 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,796
- Boo-ya!
- 419
- 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:23,880
- Okay.
- 420
- 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,755
- This never happened.
- 421
- 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,560
- - I'll get the door.
- - I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back.
- 422
- 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,158
- - Oh, catch.
- - Oh!
- 423
- 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,914
- Shoot. Ha, ha. I got it!
- 424
- 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,391
- What in the butt?
- 425
- 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,233
- - Ah, shit.
- - What?
- 426
- 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,470
- - Hi!
- - Hi.
- 427
- 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,480
- Are we dropping her off
- at a no-kill animal shelter or something?
- 428
- 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,837
- Come on, she's a human being.
- We're not gonna, like, leave her here alone.
- 429
- 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,992
- - Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend.
- - Okay.
- 430
- 00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,389
- A minivan. Nice.
- 431
- 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,075
- I won't feel guilty.
- You left me in the harshest way possible.
- 432
- 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,351
- - You recovered pretty quickly.
- - Well, thank you.
- 433
- 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,510
- Can you help me?
- 434
- 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,000
- - I got it.
- - Okay.
- 435
- 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,430
- - It's just, like, heavy. Thank you.
- - No problem.
- 436
- 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,797
- - Go ahead, get in.
- - Okay. You are so nice.
- 437
- 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,758
- Makkapitew, Askuwheteau,
- Sunukkuhkau...
- 438
- 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,274
- Is he having a seizure?
- 439
- 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:31,515
- I'm trying out Blackfoot names, so full shushy
- or you go back in your mall fridge.
- 440
- 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,920
- - Okay.
- - Oh.
- 441
- 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,834
- I didn't tell you.
- We met at the mall.
- 442
- 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,072
- Yeah.
- I was living there.
- 443
- 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,992
- Like <i>Dawn of the Dead.</i>
- 444
- 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,471
- Last I checked,
- it's the post-acropolis.
- 445
- 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:49,874
- - It was so sad when the acropolis struck.
- - Yeah, I know.
- 446
- 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:54,432
- Hey, Madison, can you remind me, when we first met,
- did you point a gun at me and steal my car?
- 447
- 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:59,595
- No. When we first met,
- I told you you were really smart.
- 448
- 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,117
- - Oh, yeah.
- - And then I slept with you.
- 449
- 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,793
- That's right. You did.
- 450
- 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,034
- Road trip! Here we go!
- 451
- 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,316
- This is gonna be a long drive.
- 452
- 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,274
- I love the smell of gunpowder
- in the morning.
- 453
- 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,920
- I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself.
- 454
- 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,114
- You don't...
- You don't have weed, do you?
- 455
- 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,432
- I've always wanted to smoke
- way too much weed.
- 456
- 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,275
- Do I look like the type of person
- that would have weed on me?
- 457
- 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,036
- - Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was...
- - Boom, yeah.
- 458
- 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,996
- - Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.
- - You got me there.
- 459
- 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,754
- - Look. I mean, look at me.
- - Yeah.
- 460
- 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,956
- I just wanted to say it's really nice
- to have another woman around.
- 461
- 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,670
- Yeah.
- 462
- 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,832
- Like,
- to talk about relationships.
- 463
- 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,196
- - Recipes.
- - Rings.
- 464
- 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,396
- Oh, my God.
- 465
- 00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,153
- - Oh, my God.
- - Oh, shit.
- 466
- 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,880
- I know.
- 467
- 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,192
- I found it in the bedside drawer.
- I think it belonged to the first lady or...
- 468
- 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,309
- You know what? I think you're right.
- It did belong to the first lady.
- 469
- 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,519
- Well, I think it was given to the first lady,
- but she heartlessly rejected it.
- 470
- 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,832
- What kind of idiot would turn down
- a ring like this?
- 471
- 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,992
- Maybe an idiot who didn't
- wanna be weighed down.
- 472
- 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,834
- - Anchored. Chained to something immobile.
- - Hm.
- 473
- 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,717
- - Oh, shit. Are you okay?
- - Oh, shoot!
- 474
- 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,393
- Forgot the seatbelt rule.
- 475
- 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,711
- So she knows the rules?
- 476
- 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,519
- I mean,
- I told her just a few of them.
- 477
- 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,434
- - Seventy-three. Are there more?
- - Nope, that's it.
- 478
- 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,956
- - I gotta check this out.
- - You guys have spent a lot of time together, huh?
- 479
- 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,560
- That's sweet.
- 480
- 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,075
- You're cute together.
- I like it.
- 481
- 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,835
- Aww.
- 482
- 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,594
- This looks promising.
- 483
- 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,554
- He's so flexible.
- 484
- 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,871
- That's what's so great about him.
- He's very bendy.
- 485
- 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,158
- - Ohio, whenever you're done with that...
- - What? Yeah.
- 486
- 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,280
- Ah!
- 487
- 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,474
- What? No.
- No, no, no. No way. Nonstarter.
- 488
- 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,517
- You know how I feel
- about clowns.
- 489
- 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,398
- - No, not that.
- - What?
- 490
- 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,358
- - That.
- - Oh.
- 491
- 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,000
- Looks good.
- 492
- 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,679
- - Can I see?
- - Hm?
- 493
- 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,029
- Can I see?
- 494
- 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,157
- Yeah. Here you go.
- 495
- 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,240
- Yeah.
- 496
- 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,318
- The old man is so tiny.
- 497
- 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,596
- - Can you see that?
- - Ha, ha, ha.
- 498
- 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,837
- What's-his-name, you're so tiny.
- 499
- 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,515
- Now you're not. Now you are.
- 500
- 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,592
- Now you're not. Now you are.
- Now you're not.
- 501
- 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,637
- Tiny. Big. Tiny!
- 502
- 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,997
- - She is adorable.
- - She is. I'm lucky.
- 503
- 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,878
- Tiny. Big. Tiny.
- 504
- 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,416
- Look, you're overreacting, okay?
- 505
- 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,874
- Madison's not, like, a real thing.
- 506
- 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,714
- It was just circumstance.
- It was, like, a lack of options.
- 507
- 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,757
- - You could say the same thing about us.
- - What?
- 508
- 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,754
- - Circumstance, lack of options.
- - Really? You really think that?
- 509
- 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,396
- Whereas you two seem like soul mates.
- Destined to share deep, intellectual thoughts.
- 510
- 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:35,156
- Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates,
- okay? Because she's nice, all right?
- 511
- 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,551
- And I'm nice. And you're not.
- You're mean.
- 512
- 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,030
- - Whatever. I'm not mean.
- - Yeah, you're kind of mean.
- 513
- 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,600
- Well, my sister is missing.
- 514
- 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,479
- She could be dead, and you're screwing
- some Forever 21-year-old.
- 515
- 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,712
- - So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean.
- - I don't have the right shoes for this.
- 516
- 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,674
- - Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals.
- - Really?
- 517
- 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,760
- Mm-hm.
- 518
- 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,110
- Kidding. You... She was ki...
- You guys are all very sarcastic.
- 519
- 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,272
- Yeah, they're not nice people.
- Sorry about that. Just try to ignore them.
- 520
- 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,360
- Yeah. Yeah.
- 521
- 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,750
- - Ignore us.
- - Please, God, ignore us.
- 522
- 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:05,956
- See? Mean.
- 523
- 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,797
- All right!
- 524
- 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,439
- This is what I'm talking about.
- 525
- 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,876
- We're finally gonna be riding in style.
- 526
- 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,476
- You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down
- in one of these. It was so...
- 527
- 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,400
- Oh, shit.
- 528
- 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,076
- What?
- 529
- 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,456
- - Man, we're getting good at this.
- - Columbus.
- 530
- 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,480
- Tallahassee.
- 531
- 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,476
- - The hood is 12 o'clock, trunk is 6. You're our eyes.
- - Yes.
- 532
- 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,792
- Hey, don't worry, you guys.
- 533
- 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,873
- They are much more afraid of us
- than we are of them.
- 534
- 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,634
- God, that is not even
- remotely true.
- 535
- 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,313
- Well, what do I do?
- 536
- 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,631
- - You know how cheerleaders form a pyramid?
- - Yeah.
- 537
- 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,037
- - You know how the three on the bottom anchor the pyramid?
- - Oh, yeah.
- 538
- 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,033
- I don't give a shit what you do,
- just stay out of my way.
- 539
- 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,430
- Okay, 8 o'clock.
- Eight o'clock.
- 540
- 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,752
- Did you say the front was 12?
- Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock.
- 541
- 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,719
- Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!
- 542
- 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,837
- Six o'clock. Six!
- 543
- 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,036
- I'll get 6.
- 544
- 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,160
- Shit. One-fifteen.
- 545
- 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,510
- One-thirteen, 1:20. I don't know.
- It's moving that way.
- 546
- 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,035
- - Why is everyone shouting numbers?
- - Eleven!
- 547
- 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,000
- - Twelve!
- - Six!
- 548
- 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,676
- Two o'clock!
- 549
- 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:20,200
- Eight.
- 550
- 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,153
- - Six o'clock.
- - Shit.
- 551
- 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,679
- One o'clock. Six-thirty.
- 552
- 00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,359
- Ten! Eight!
- 553
- 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,750
- - Eight o'clock! Eight!
- - Shit.
- 554
- 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,760
- Shit!
- 555
- 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,160
- - Narsty!
- - Thank you.
- 556
- 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:46,240
- You're welcome.
- 557
- 00:34:46,241 --> 00:34:47,159
- One o'clock!
- 558
- 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,356
- Two-thirty! Three! One!
- 559
- 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,480
- Okay. I'll get 3.
- 560
- 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,840
- Right on time, Columbus.
- 561
- 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,350
- One o'clock!
- Ten-thirty!
- 562
- 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,795
- Eleven! Eleven!
- 563
- 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,519
- Actually, you know what,
- it's a Homer.
- 564
- 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,037
- - Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet.
- - Hawking!
- 565
- 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,476
- - Hawking!
- - What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
- 566
- 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,520
- Ha-ha-ha! Yay!
- 567
- 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,710
- - Ah! He's trying to bite me!
- - Ninja! Ninja!
- 568
- 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,120
- Oh, my God!
- 569
- 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,831
- You saved me.
- 570
- 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,274
- All right. Settle down.
- 571
- 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,510
- - Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.
- - Pardon me, Pop-Tart.
- 572
- 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,193
- Not quite done yet.
- 573
- 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:47,875
- What the fuck?
- 574
- 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,352
- Try to dodge me, motherfucker.
- 575
- 00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:02,191
- <i>This was our first T-800,
- named for the Terminator it-fucking-self.</i>
- 576
- 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,274
- - Tal?
- - Yup?
- 577
- 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,354
- <i>T-800s were a mutated strain
- of zombie,</i>
- 578
- 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,678
- <i>stronger, deadlier
- and harder to kill.</i>
- 579
- 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,270
- One plus one is still two,
- right?
- 580
- 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,074
- <i>They were the apex predator,
- top of the food chain.</i>
- 581
- 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,994
- <i>Single-minded and relentless
- like their namesake,</i>
- 582
- 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,438
- <i>once they locked on to a target, T-800s stopped
- at nothing to devour their prey.</i>
- 583
- 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,750
- What the ever-loving fuck?
- 584
- 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,360
- Ew.
- 585
- 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,674
- <i>Seeing that T-800 firsthand
- was all the more worrisome</i>
- 586
- 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,312
- <i>knowing that Little Rock was out there
- with nothing but a hippie and a guitar.</i>
- 587
- 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,912
- ♪ Like a rolling stone ♪♪
- 588
- 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,477
- Okay. That song is amazing.
- 589
- 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,596
- Did you write that?
- 590
- 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,237
- Wa... Was that a dumb question?
- 591
- 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,358
- - Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over.
- - Not a dumb question.
- 592
- 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,512
- I was laughing because you think
- I'd play you some stupid cover song.
- 593
- 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:27,756
- No, of course I wrote it.
- 594
- 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,912
- If you love that, then you're
- really gonna love this.
- 595
- 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,755
- But it's a work in progress,
- so be gentle.
- 596
- 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,991
- ♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪
- 597
- 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,873
- ♪ Would you still remember me? ♪♪
- 598
- 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,877
- <i>♪ Well, I must be travelling
- on now ♪</i>
- 599
- 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,477
- A poem by Tallahassee.
- 600
- 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:03,830
- <i>Travelling to Graceland
- in comfort and class</i>
- 601
- 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:08,711
- <i>That Pontiac Trans Sport can
- kiss my ass</i>
- 602
- 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,917
- Whoo-hoo!
- 603
- 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,117
- Here we go, baby!
- 604
- 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,438
- Let's go see the King
- and let's go get Little Rock!
- 605
- 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,519
- <i>♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪♪</i>
- 606
- 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,434
- - Did... Did we just get...
- - Shorter?
- 607
- 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,994
- I say we take the clown car.
- 608
- 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,637
- No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker.
- No fucking clowns!
- 609
- 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,159
- In moments of great dishonour such as this,
- 610
- 00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:55,996
- ancient samurai warriors
- were required to commit seppuku,
- 611
- 00:38:56,080 --> 00:39:01,075
- or ritual suicide by disembowelment.
- 612
- 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,434
- My mom had this car.
- 613
- 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:09,336
- - So did mine.
- - So did mine.
- 614
- 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,078
- Fucking minivan.
- 615
- 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,152
- Back on the road. Yay.
- 616
- 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,991
- I've always wanted
- to start a business
- 617
- 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:34,791
- where strangers drive strangers
- around in their car for money.
- 618
- 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,872
- Let's say you were really drunk
- and you needed a ride home.
- 619
- 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,317
- You'd just get online
- and hop right in with a stranger.
- 620
- 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,000
- And they'd take you
- anywhere you wanna go.
- 621
- 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,037
- Oh, yeah.
- Who then kills you.
- 622
- 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,477
- - Yeah.
- - They'd have gum or, like, lollipops.
- 623
- 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,074
- That was what my parents taught me.
- 624
- 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:57,673
- They were like, "If a stranger offers you
- candy or gum, get in their car." Great idea.
- 625
- 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,197
- If they try to murder you, you can have
- a point system, so you can rate them.
- 626
- 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,749
- If they try to murder you, like,
- "You get zero points."
- 627
- 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,277
- - But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points."
- - Okay.
- 628
- 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,670
- Madison, I think
- it is a very good idea.
- 629
- 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:15,438
- - That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong.
- - All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed.
- 630
- 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,636
- - Uh.
- - Are you okay?
- 631
- 00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:24,316
- - I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot.
- - Yeah?
- 632
- 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,440
- Mm-hm. I'm so used to being in the freezer
- all the time. Get this off.
- 633
- 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,751
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- 634
- 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,469
- I feel funny.
- My tongue...
- 635
- 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,512
- My tongue...
- My tongue...
- 636
- 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,593
- - Hey, boss? You're gonna wanna pull over.
- - Yeah?
- 637
- 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:45,680
- - No.
- - Pull over.
- 638
- 00:40:45,681 --> 00:40:47,911
- - No, we're making good progress here.
- - Pull over!
- 639
- 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,072
- - Yeah, yeah.
- - Okay. Okay. Okay.
- 640
- 00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:58,440
- - Oh.
- - Oh.
- 641
- 00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,560
- Chunkage.
- 642
- 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,398
- I don't know,
- maybe she'll pull through.
- 643
- 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,592
- What do you mean? You are the one
- who always says "don't take chances."
- 644
- 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,435
- So who wants
- to do the honours?
- 645
- 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:16,557
- I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind,
- but I don't want you guys calling me selfish.
- 646
- 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:21,118
- Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being.
- Okay? She's a living being.
- 647
- 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,911
- Look, I know you guys are
- in love or whatever,
- 648
- 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,310
- but in two minutes,
- she's gonna become a:
- 649
- 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:34,553
- A zombie, not a velociraptor.
- And it's the right thing to do.
- 650
- 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:40,318
- If you love something, you shoot it in the face
- so it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster.
- 651
- 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,275
- - I know.
- - She's making a good point.
- 652
- 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:49,799
- Maybe it's time for you
- to be the Brave Little Toaster.
- 653
- 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,469
- <i>They say when something bad happens,
- you have three choices:</i>
- 654
- 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,110
- <i>Let it define you, destroy you
- or strengthen you.</i>
- 655
- 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,353
- <i>Time to teach Lennie
- about the rabbits.</i>
- 656
- 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,430
- - No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me!
- - Madison, Madison, please.
- 657
- 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,751
- - Madison, please. Please, please.
- - Don't hurt me!
- 658
- 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,274
- - No, no, no!
- - Wait. Listen to me!
- 659
- 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,480
- - Please. Wait.
- - No, no, no!
- 660
- 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,671
- - Madison, just wait.
- - I'm a monster.
- 661
- 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,479
- - I'm a monster.
- - Please, please, please.
- 662
- 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,075
- Listen. I realise that we don't
- know each other that well.
- 663
- 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:33,791
- I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes.
- But I think you're a really great person.
- 664
- 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:37,836
- Well, not now.
- 665
- 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,390
- I'm sorry.
- 666
- 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,320
- Thanks.
- 667
- 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,959
- Can we just...
- 668
- 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,750
- - I'm so sorry.
- - All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go.
- 669
- 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,354
- I'm not gonna lie and say
- that I'm broken up about it, but...
- 670
- 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,598
- I am sorry.
- 671
- 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,672
- - She didn't deserve that.
- - Thanks, man.
- 672
- 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:25,796
- - Thanks.
- - He's right.
- 673
- 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,389
- That's a terrible way to go,
- even for...
- 674
- 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,880
- - Oh, come on. It's Madison. You know that.
- - Madison. Madison.
- 675
- 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,431
- Yes, you know that, okay? Her name is Madison.
- Or her name was Madison.
- 676
- 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,477
- You know, and she was
- a real person, okay?
- 677
- 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,349
- She had, you know, complex feelings
- and emotions and interests.
- 678
- 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:48,555
- You know, she liked dolphins and rainbows,
- you know? And double rainbows.
- 679
- 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,916
- I'm agreeing.
- It's sad.
- 680
- 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,992
- - Okay.
- - That is obviously not what I wanted.
- 681
- 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,720
- - What is it that you do want?
- - I wanna find my sister.
- 682
- 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:56,870
- Me too.
- 683
- 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,599
- - Good.
- - Good.
- 684
- 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,036
- - Good. Great. Awesome.
- - Great, in fact. Great.
- 685
- 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,918
- This is gonna be a long drive.
- 686
- 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,200
- This is it.
- 687
- 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:21,235
- Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to me
- for waking you up, but we're here.
- 688
- 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,034
- Oh! Oh, my God.
- 689
- 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,271
- Oh, my God.
- 690
- 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:34,239
- Every choice I've ever made in my life
- has been leading me to this moment right here,
- 691
- 00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,199
- right now,
- 3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard.
- 692
- 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,677
- I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.
- 693
- 00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:41,910
- And here comes...
- 694
- 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,520
- No.
- 695
- 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,272
- No, no, no!
- 696
- 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,955
- Hey, dude, if you need
- a moment or...
- 697
- 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,635
- Oh, my God.
- No Graceland.
- 698
- 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:57,359
- No Beast.
- 699
- 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,160
- - No Little Rock.
- - No Little Rock?
- 700
- 00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:06,714
- Am I not allowed one cock-sucking
- duck-fucking little break in this world?
- 701
- 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,837
- You're not the only one
- that's upset.
- 702
- 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,596
- Just... Just drive.
- Drive, drive. Drive now!
- 703
- 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,558
- Get away from here. Go!
- 704
- 00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,477
- <i>Graceland was
- a pile of rubble,</i>
- 705
- 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,951
- <i>Little Rock was still missing,
- and we were unsure of our next move.</i>
- 706
- 00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,680
- <i>But sometimes, you just have
- to follow the signs.</i>
- 707
- 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,760
- Hm.
- 708
- 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,912
- When Z-land serves you lemons...
- 709
- 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,356
- Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.
- 710
- 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:39,954
- What?
- 711
- 00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:44,114
- Hound Dog Hotel.
- Oh, what a bunch of bull.
- 712
- 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,879
- - Whoa! The Beast!
- - Little Rock!
- 713
- 00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,400
- Damn. Wow,
- 714
- 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,440
- for a place that ain't Graceland, it sure
- looks a hell of a lot like Graceland.
- 715
- 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,672
- - Yeah, it does.
- - Here's the idea. We'll split up. I'll go this way.
- 716
- 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,479
- No, no, no.
- I should talk to her.
- 717
- 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,951
- - I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here.
- - Sound.
- 718
- 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,274
- Bop, bop, bop!
- 719
- 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:19,035
- - Little respect.
- - Why? He's dead probably.
- 720
- 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,631
- Oh. Oh, for you.
- Okay.
- 721
- 00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,237
- - This is so degrading.
- - It's not for me.
- 722
- 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:27,356
- Yeah, I know.
- 723
- 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,034
- Okay.
- 724
- 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,750
- - Oh, yeah. That's not... Push it.
- - Smells like a wet dog died.
- 725
- 00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,672
- - I am. Okay.
- - Square peg, round hole. Stop.
- 726
- 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,760
- Sorry.
- 727
- 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,715
- Oh, my God.
- It's uncanny.
- 728
- 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,075
- This is incredible.
- 729
- 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,630
- It's a perfect fit. I feel like
- Cinderella at the ball.
- 730
- 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,952
- What, are you jealous that I have
- the exact same size shoe as Elvis Presley?
- 731
- 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,431
- No. It's not like those are
- Elvis' actual shoes.
- 732
- 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,280
- Sorry.
- 733
- 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,837
- ♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪
- 734
- 00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:30,276
- Little Rock?
- 735
- 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,711
- ♪...ladies are insane there ♪
- 736
- 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:45,076
- ♪ And they sure know
- how to use it ♪
- 737
- 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,510
- ♪ Well,
- I've never been to heaven ♪♪
- 738
- 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,031
- - Start talking.
- - You first.
- 739
- 00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,270
- - Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
- - Nevada.
- 740
- 00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,995
- - Which part?
- - Nevada's as close as you get.
- 741
- 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:07,992
- Now, what are you doing
- in the Hound Dog?
- 742
- 00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,118
- I got a thing for the King.
- 743
- 00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,273
- No, no, no,
- don't shoot my friends.
- 744
- 00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,075
- - Anybody else in here with you?
- - No, no. Just us.
- 745
- 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,629
- We're all civilised people.
- Let's just put the guns down.
- 746
- 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,553
- Why the hell are you wearing
- Elvis' actual shoes?
- 747
- 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:25,756
- Comfort.
- 748
- 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,477
- - You live here?
- - Yeah.
- 749
- 00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,200
- So that car out front, the girl
- who was driving it, is she...
- 750
- 00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:35,673
- Gone. She and that poser
- peace lover of hers...
- 751
- 00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,353
- - Berkeley.
- - Berkeley.
- 752
- 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,589
- ...took off a few days ago.
- 753
- 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,832
- And trust me, they shouldn't have.
- It's not safe out there.
- 754
- 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,719
- - Damn it.
- - Why didn't they take the Beast?
- 755
- 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:51,637
- - He said it was too "establishment."
- - Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself.
- 756
- 00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:55,993
- You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. Seriously.
- You know how close I came to Murraying you?
- 757
- 00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,396
- To what-ing him?
- 758
- 00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,238
- Murraying him.
- 759
- 00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,279
- You know, when you shoot someone
- because you think they're a zombie.
- 760
- 00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,158
- Apparently,
- that's how Bill Murray died.
- 761
- 00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,831
- Wow. God, who's Bill Murray?
- I never... I don't even know what that is.
- 762
- 00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:17,039
- Oh, the actor. That's so sad.
- I don't read, like, <i>Variety</i> or anything.
- 763
- 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,715
- So sad. Sorry if you knew him.
- If you didn't, I'm still sorry.
- 764
- 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,474
- It's sad when anybody dies.
- Sounds like an urban legend though.
- 765
- 00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,200
- - It happened.
- - I doubt it. It's weird. What?
- 766
- 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:34,231
- I'll say this about Murray, if I ever
- find out who did him, I'm gonna do him.
- 767
- 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,835
- Me too. I'll be...
- You first, but me second.
- 768
- 00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,754
- Don't listen to this guy.
- He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.
- 769
- 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:43,151
- The girl that was here before,
- did she say where she was going?
- 770
- 00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:48,076
- No, but that idiot Berkeley
- wouldn't shut up about it.
- 771
- 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,870
- Babylon is a commune, safe haven,
- protected on all sides.
- 772
- 00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,271
- Completely pacifist.
- No guns or violence of any kind.
- 773
- 00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:59,036
- A lot of young people too, you know.
- Generation Z living in peace and harmony.
- 774
- 00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,236
- Yeah, it sounds cool.
- 775
- 00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:06,317
- I know you had your heart set on this Graceland,
- but this is <i>mucho, mucho</i> better.
- 776
- 00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:18,839
- This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room,
- where he recorded his last two albums.
- 777
- 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,675
- <i>From Elvis Presley Boulevard,
- Memphis, Tennessee</i> and...
- 778
- 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:23,760
- And <i>Moody Blue.</i>
- 779
- 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,240
- You know your Elvis.
- 780
- 00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,559
- Every lover of
- the King has a story.
- 781
- 00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,080
- What's yours?
- 782
- 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,393
- My mama took me to see Elvis
- when I was a kid. Something about him.
- 783
- 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,871
- - Attitude, the music...
- - The hips, the ass.
- 784
- 00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,317
- Well, I was 10, but, you know, with Elvis,
- there is something for everyone.
- 785
- 00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:49,599
- Cut to later, I'm in high school.
- And my buddy Frankie Hammond says:
- 786
- 00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,872
- "Do your Elvis."
- 787
- 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,237
- I said, "We're in a library.
- It's gonna be loud."
- 788
- 00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,916
- He convinces me. He starts
- tapping his pencil, and I get up.
- 789
- 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:08,955
- ♪ You ain't nothing but a hound dog
- Crying all the time ♪
- 790
- 00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,359
- Everybody starts gathering around
- and clapping, and I jumped on a table.
- 791
- 00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,794
- I finish off with a flourish.
- 792
- 00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,193
- ♪ You ain't never caught a rabbit
- You ain't no friend of mine ♪♪
- 793
- 00:51:21,201 --> 00:51:24,433
- Yeah! And the whole place,
- thunderous applause.
- 794
- 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,632
- And up comes the cutest girl
- in the school,
- 795
- 00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:31,839
- Robin Rogers, who never gave me
- the time of day before.
- 796
- 00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,151
- She plants a kiss on my cheek.
- 797
- 00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:38,439
- And for a moment, just one,
- I felt like the King.
- 798
- 00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,313
- I suddenly feel a little jealous
- of Robin Rogers.
- 799
- 00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,432
- Ahem.
- You don't say.
- 800
- 00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,233
- I don't know about you...
- 801
- 00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,558
- but I feel my temperature rising.
- 802
- 00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,920
- This is Babylon.
- 803
- 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,640
- Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens.
- 804
- 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,477
- - Huh?
- - Of Babylon.
- 805
- 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,712
- No, no. It's named
- for that cool David Gray song.
- 806
- 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,757
- Man, I wish I'd written that one.
- 807
- 00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,674
- No guns allowed is our one rule.
- 808
- 00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,080
- - That, and no group sex.
- - All right. Hand them over.
- 809
- 00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:27,560
- Here you go.
- 810
- 00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,156
- No guns. No guns.
- Just hugs.
- 811
- 00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,993
- Then welcome.
- 812
- 00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:37,438
- Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place.
- It's completely safe and entirely organic.
- 813
- 00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:39,240
- - This is so cool.
- - All right.
- 814
- 00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,000
- We're gonna melt your guns over here
- and then give you a pendant.
- 815
- 00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:43,816
- - They melt it?
- - Yeah, they melt it.
- 816
- 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,240
- It's a symbolic thing.
- 817
- 00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,438
- Goodbye, violence.
- Hello, peace.
- 818
- 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,514
- Once we're done here, we'll take you up
- to the rooftop. I hope you like stairs.
- 819
- 00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:53,636
- That's good.
- 820
- 00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,676
- - Thanks.
- - Welcome to Babylon.
- 821
- 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,592
- Let me show you the way.
- 822
- 00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:02,796
- Right on.
- 823
- 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,913
- Hey, brother. What's up?
- 824
- 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,798
- - Hi.
- - Yeah.
- 825
- 00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:34,999
- Wake up, my little blue suede baby.
- It's now or never.
- 826
- 00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:36,080
- Hoo!
- 827
- 00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,358
- My friends say you're
- sleeping like a tired pup.
- 828
- 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:42,590
- What the fuck?
- 829
- 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,240
- Shit.
- 830
- 00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,396
- Oh, no, no, no!
- 831
- 00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,392
- This is not happening!
- 832
- 00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,518
- This is not fucking happening!
- 833
- 00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,671
- Hey, motherfucker,
- that's my ride!
- 834
- 00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:07,552
- Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis. Just didn't
- expect anything to be parked in my driveway.
- 835
- 00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:08,830
- Your driveway?
- 836
- 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,080
- That's right.
- My driveway.
- 837
- 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:16,756
- Well, that's funny. When I parked
- in it, no one told me to pull out.
- 838
- 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,430
- Well, actually,
- it's my driveway.
- 839
- 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:22,239
- Hey, Nevada.
- 840
- 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:27,196
- But see, when I'm in town,
- I use it.
- 841
- 00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,637
- Well, I'm in town now,
- and I'm using it.
- 842
- 00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:35,670
- Keep talking like this, and I can arrange
- so neither of you ever uses my driveway again.
- 843
- 00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,912
- - I don't think they're talking about the driveway.
- - No, I don't think so.
- 844
- 00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,390
- - You happy now? Great. Good move.
- - Satisfied? Good job.
- 845
- 00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,234
- - Is it me, or does he kind of remind you of...?
- - Yeah, it's weird.
- 846
- 00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,994
- - I don't like you at all.
- - I don't like you at all.
- 847
- 00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,355
- It's not weird,
- it's creepy.
- 848
- 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:53,271
- - It's like an un-funhouse mirror.
- - I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked.
- 849
- 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,317
- - Hope we don't get a ticket.
- - Whoa.
- 850
- 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,392
- - Calm down. It's okay.
- - I'm just ragging you.
- 851
- 00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,989
- - What is going on here?
- - What?
- 852
- 00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,072
- - What do you mean, "what"?
- - What?
- 853
- 00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,914
- - Does he not remind you of...?
- - Hello everyone.
- 854
- 00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,120
- Of...
- Of what?
- 855
- 00:55:07,240 --> 00:55:09,471
- - This is Albuquerque. I'm Flagstaff.
- - Howdy.
- 856
- 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:10,755
- Hey.
- I'm Columbus.
- 857
- 00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:11,840
- Oh, great.
- 858
- 00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:16,155
- This is Tallahassee, Wichita,
- and I guess you know Nevada.
- 859
- 00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:18,471
- - Yes, I do.
- - Easy, cowboy.
- 860
- 00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:24,158
- So sorry about your ex-car. I guess,
- as I like to say, expect the unexpected.
- 861
- 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:26,754
- - It's one of my commandments.
- - Oh.
- 862
- 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,320
- - Commandments?
- - Yeah.
- 863
- 00:55:29,321 --> 00:55:32,313
- Just sort of guidelines for staying alive.
- I've got loads of them.
- 864
- 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:34,915
- - Interesting.
- - Yeah, number one is teamwork.
- 865
- 00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,750
- - Teamwork. That's so great.
- - Thanks. I actually spent a long time thinking about it.
- 866
- 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,016
- - I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical.
- - Love rules.
- 867
- 00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,236
- Without rules,
- everything's chaos.
- 868
- 00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,750
- - Thank you.
- - Columbus has quite a few rules.
- 869
- 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:47,960
- - I do.
- - Awesome.
- 870
- 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:48,920
- Like what?
- 871
- 00:55:48,921 --> 00:55:51,277
- - I don't wanna toot my own horn.
- - Go on, toot, toot.
- 872
- 00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,477
- - Let me toot for him.
- - Thank you.
- 873
- 00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,473
- - Number one, cardio.
- - That's right.
- 874
- 00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,630
- Cardio.
- Okay.
- 875
- 00:55:57,720 --> 00:55:59,677
- - What?
- - I don't mean to laugh.
- 876
- 00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,754
- It's just that cardiovascular fitness
- is his number 29,
- 877
- 00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:07,112
- meaning he has 28 other commandments
- that he finds more important,
- 878
- 00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,715
- like, say,
- what's one of your great ones?
- 879
- 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,154
- Number 12.
- 880
- 00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:14,711
- The world is your bathroom, meaning you can
- just whip it out wherever you want,
- 881
- 00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:15,760
- and just have at it.
- 882
- 00:56:15,761 --> 00:56:19,391
- Oh, just whip it out wherever you want!
- That sounds a little uncouth.
- 883
- 00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:23,673
- The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously.
- If you're a woman, you can reveal it.
- 884
- 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,911
- - Whichever.
- - I have beware of bathrooms.
- 885
- 00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,117
- Yeah, I'm just generally careful
- around them.
- 886
- 00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,080
- - We don't have to compare. It's not a competition.
- - Doesn't have to be.
- 887
- 00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,271
- But number 18 is limber up.
- 888
- 00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,192
- - But that's...
- - That's fine. I have warm up.
- 889
- 00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:40,718
- Again, not a competition,
- but commandment number 45 for me is,
- 890
- 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:41,870
- well, mind your manners.
- 891
- 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,720
- Just because it's the apocalypse
- doesn't mean you have to be rude.
- 892
- 00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,634
- Yeah, keep your hands to yourself, number 42.
- Do you have sunscreen?
- 893
- 00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:49,518
- - Just shade.
- - Shade. Of course.
- 894
- 00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,479
- It's free. It's everywhere.
- Yeah. Number two, double tap.
- 895
- 00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,997
- - I have number five, confirm your kill.
- - Confirm your kill.
- 896
- 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,959
- - Avoid perishables. Do you have that?
- - Sorry. Ziploc bags.
- 897
- 00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,111
- - Same thing, different word. Yeah.
- - Yeah. Exactly.
- 898
- 00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:03,317
- I probably would shy away
- from the word "Ziploc"
- 899
- 00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,033
- because I try
- to avoid name brands.
- 900
- 00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:08,113
- Okay, great. So, what brought
- you guys back so soon?
- 901
- 00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:11,113
- We was headed for the Rockies,
- but the goddamn Bolts...
- 902
- 00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,276
- Bolts?
- 903
- 00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,680
- - Yeah.
- - Yeah, the zombies out on the plains.
- 904
- 00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,797
- They're a lot tougher than
- what we're used to.
- 905
- 00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:21,909
- I guess because of all the running and hunting.
- So we call them Bolts, as in Usain.
- 906
- 00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:25,391
- - As in pretty fucking athletic.
- - Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense.
- 907
- 00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,995
- - We actually call them T-800s.
- <i>- Terminator.</i> Yes! I love it.
- 908
- 00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,616
- - Really?
- - Yes. Literally my favourite movie. Well, <i>T2.</i>
- 909
- 00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,439
- - Yeah, <i>T2</i> is my second favourite movie.
- - What's number one?
- 910
- 00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:35,750
- It's <i>Fantasia.</i>
- 911
- 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:42,075
- Well, anyhow, the Bolts' food sources are running low,
- so they're pushing east, which is <i>no bueno.</i>
- 912
- 00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,152
- You know what else is
- <i>no bueno?</i>
- 913
- 00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:46,992
- You murdered the Beast.
- 914
- 00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:52,434
- Yeah, well, let me call AAA
- for you. I'm sure they'll be right over.
- 915
- 00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,751
- So you have
- to play your cards as...
- 916
- 00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,878
- That onesie was starting
- to cut off my circulation.
- 917
- 00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:59,838
- To your vagina?
- 918
- 00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:00,880
- Your vagina.
- 919
- 00:58:00,881 --> 00:58:05,557
- - What'll you have, Florida?
- - He strikes me as the lemon drop type.
- 920
- 00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,519
- You know, something with an umbrella
- or something like that.
- 921
- 00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:12,190
- - I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two.
- - Three please. Three.
- 922
- 00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:13,600
- So that's your sidekick.
- 923
- 00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:15,856
- That there's my partner.
- 924
- 00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:21,035
- You might look at Flagstaff and think,
- "Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive."
- 925
- 00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:24,909
- Effeminate even, but he's a real beast
- in battle. Yeah.
- 926
- 00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,469
- Come on now. You're being sweet.
- You sweet, sweet man.
- 927
- 00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:28,835
- - Thank you.
- - Well, I love you.
- 928
- 00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:29,840
- Love you too.
- 929
- 00:58:29,841 --> 00:58:35,359
- Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here.
- He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too.
- 930
- 00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,035
- He eats zombies for breakfast,
- shits them out by lunch.
- 931
- 00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,160
- Cheers.
- 932
- 00:58:39,161 --> 00:58:41,197
- He shits out everything
- by lunch.
- 933
- 00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:45,840
- What the hell was that?
- 934
- 00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,216
- They must have
- fucking followed you.
- 935
- 00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,197
- Oh, God, those are T-800s.
- 936
- 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,078
- Or at the very least T-700s.
- 937
- 00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,834
- - There actually was no T-700.
- - Yeah, T-800's the first model.
- 938
- 00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:02,436
- - This is great, having two of you.
- - Okay.
- 939
- 00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,477
- Time to nut up or shut up.
- 940
- 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,354
- That saying's very 2009.
- 941
- 00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,354
- Okay.
- We got this.
- 942
- 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:13,640
- Ho!
- 943
- 00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,991
- You don't send
- a boy to do a man's job.
- 944
- 00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,356
- We brought them here.
- We'll take care of it.
- 945
- 00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,830
- Yeah, you know what?
- Have at them.
- 946
- 00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,998
- - Yeah, you have a safe word in case things go bad?
- - Ha. That's good.
- 947
- 00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,517
- - Come on, Flag, let's show these fuckers how it's done.
- - Sure. You got it, boss.
- 948
- 00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,275
- <i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby.
- <i>Terminator 2.</i>
- 949
- 00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:32,510
- Remember?
- 950
- 00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:33,600
- Whoo! Ready, buddy?
- 951
- 00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,114
- He's so cool.
- 952
- 00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,176
- - Whoo! Hell!
- - Suck these bullets!
- 953
- 00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:39,560
- Come on! Get you some!
- 954
- 00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,957
- - Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying?
- - Get it!
- 955
- 00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,191
- Uniquely?
- No.
- 956
- 00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:48,799
- Well,
- I don't love their chances.
- 957
- 00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,600
- And they ignored rule 52,
- don't be afraid to ask for help.
- 958
- 00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,911
- Get fucked in the face,
- bitch! Whoo!
- 959
- 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,434
- - Flagstaff?
- - Yeah, boss?
- 960
- 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:58,638
- You made the all-star team today.
- I mean, no kidding.
- 961
- 00:59:58,720 --> 00:59:59,949
- Unbelievable job.
- 962
- 01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,920
- And is it me, or are those Bolts
- just getting meaner by the day?
- 963
- 01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,275
- They're full-blown dickheads.
- 964
- 01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:09,195
- I got an action shot of you
- that's going right into the scrapbook.
- 965
- 01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:10,555
- This is gonna be a good one.
- 966
- 01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:15,840
- You just keep raising the bar, and that's why
- we will continue to ride these highways together.
- 967
- 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,230
- - I'm so proud of you.
- - Well, I learned from the best.
- 968
- 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:19,240
- Oh, come on now.
- 969
- 01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:21,597
- - Nice work, Querq.
- - Thank you. Thank you.
- 970
- 01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,680
- - This is gonna be a hell of a shot.
- - It's so cool he let you wear the hat.
- 971
- 01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,200
- - Querq?
- - Yeah?
- 972
- 01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,317
- I think you got
- a little something here.
- 973
- 01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,240
- Oh, what that?
- 974
- 01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:39,111
- Oh, yeah, that's just...
- That's just a tattoo.
- 975
- 01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:47,953
- - Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite?
- - No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo.
- 976
- 01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,073
- All right, everybody.
- Just take it easy.
- 977
- 01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,072
- Everything's fine.
- 978
- 01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,880
- Nevada, why don't you whip up
- some of your signature...
- 979
- 01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,111
- All right.
- That was a little weird, huh?
- 980
- 01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:07,600
- - Yeah.
- - All right. Just calm down.
- 981
- 01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,831
- We'll just kind of have a drink, you know.
- 982
- 01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,992
- So we can just kind of celeb...
- Celeb...
- 983
- 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:21,358
- Excuse me. It's okay. It's just nerves
- from the fight. Just...
- 984
- 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:26,438
- You guys, I think Albuquerque
- might be infected.
- 985
- 01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,239
- Me? I'm infected?
- 986
- 01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:30,589
- You got bit twice.
- 987
- 01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:31,600
- Flagstaff!
- 988
- 01:01:31,601 --> 01:01:34,639
- No, no, no. That's a lie.
- Trust me. Okay? Trust me.
- 989
- 01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:38,396
- - I don't get bit. I never get bit.
- - I know. I don't get bit either. We're slippery.
- 990
- 01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:39,800
- - See?
- - I know. Are you okay?
- 991
- 01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,917
- - I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm fine.
- - You are?
- 992
- 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,151
- - I'm fine.
- - Okay. Okay, guys, he's fine. He's fine.
- 993
- 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,799
- No, he's not fine.
- No.
- 994
- 01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:50,794
- No. Flagstaff, you're starting to look
- like a T-800. <i>Terminator 2.</i>
- 995
- 01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:54,275
- No. No, no, no!
- 996
- 01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:56,560
- No!
- 997
- 01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,672
- Move! Move!
- Get out of the way.
- 998
- 01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:08,360
- No! No!
- 999
- 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,833
- Flagstaff, you're breaking
- like 10 commandments right now!
- 1000
- 01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,390
- This is for what you did
- to the Beast!
- 1001
- 01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:24,520
- Sorry!
- 1002
- 01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:27,430
- - How you doing?
- - Bad!
- 1003
- 01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,034
- - How are you?
- - Bad!
- 1004
- 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,757
- Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.
- 1005
- 01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:40,680
- Oh, shit.
- 1006
- 01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,599
- - How you doing now?
- - Still bad! You wanna switch?
- 1007
- 01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:47,672
- Switch? How would that benefit me?
- 1008
- 01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:57,520
- Shit!
- 1009
- 01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:05,640
- Help!
- 1010
- 01:03:05,641 --> 01:03:08,679
- - Shoot him! Shoot him!
- - I don't wanna hit you!
- 1011
- 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:14,470
- Shit.
- 1012
- 01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:17,240
- Gun, gun, gun! Shit!
- 1013
- 01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:22,038
- Stop shooting!
- I got this!
- 1014
- 01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:23,600
- Great, because I'm reloading!
- 1015
- 01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,712
- Don't swing! Don't swing!
- Don't swing! Swing!
- 1016
- 01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:37,480
- Shit.
- 1017
- 01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,114
- No, no, no, not me!
- Not me! Oh, fuck!
- 1018
- 01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:43,317
- <i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby.
- 1019
- 01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:46,671
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- 1020
- 01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:49,400
- Those guys were dicks.
- 1021
- 01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,400
- - Great job.
- - Thank you.
- 1022
- 01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,436
- - Can I wear the hat?
- - Oh, negatory.
- 1023
- 01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:57,440
- Cool.
- 1024
- 01:03:57,441 --> 01:03:59,079
- Zombie Kill of the Year?
- 1025
- 01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:04,960
- <i>Sorry. Not with the performance just
- turned in by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy.</i>
- 1026
- 01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:08,915
- Help! I'm a lost tourist
- with two defenceless children.
- 1027
- 01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,200
- Help!
- 1028
- 01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,431
- Fucking sons of bitches!
- 1029
- 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,992
- <i>Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.</i>
- 1030
- 01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:23,912
- You won't eat me.
- 1031
- 01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:26,279
- Not today!
- 1032
- 01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:34,753
- Go fuck yourselves!
- 1033
- 01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,559
- Bravisimmo, <i>Mateo.</i>
- 1034
- 01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:45,839
- - Ahh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
- - Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.
- 1035
- 01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,560
- That thing is, like,
- a huge rollover risk.
- 1036
- 01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:49,640
- It is.
- 1037
- 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,960
- Hey, dude, I think you should
- ask her to come with us.
- 1038
- 01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:57,117
- - No, no, no.
- - Come on. I think they make a nice match.
- 1039
- 01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:01,160
- Look, what have I been telling you guys?
- I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up.
- 1040
- 01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,752
- - Yeah.
- - Besides, she wouldn't do that. She's not the type.
- 1041
- 01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:10,553
- Stay safe,
- Sunshine State.
- 1042
- 01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:13,590
- Excuse me.
- 1043
- 01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,033
- Stay dangerous, Nevada.
- 1044
- 01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:32,160
- Okay. Hey, no offence,
- but my sister is still out there.
- 1045
- 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,670
- Wanna hit the old road.
- 1046
- 01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:38,196
- If by some miracle you don't die...
- 1047
- 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,520
- there's always room
- in my driveway.
- 1048
- 01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:46,634
- I best stay alive.
- 1049
- 01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,039
- Okay, you're back.
- Good.
- 1050
- 01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,157
- So do you know how to drive
- one of these things?
- 1051
- 01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:58,952
- I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of there
- and then you guys can jump in.
- 1052
- 01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,040
- Nice.
- 1053
- 01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:05,354
- She's a big old stallion,
- but I can tame her.
- 1054
- 01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:13,880
- Whoo!
- 1055
- 01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:18,920
- Oh, shit.
- 1056
- 01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,476
- - I think he's got the hang of it.
- - Shit!
- 1057
- 01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:27,960
- - No. No, no.
- - No, no, no.
- 1058
- 01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,839
- Goddamn motherfucker!
- 1059
- 01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:31,920
- Got it.
- 1060
- 01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,350
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- 1061
- 01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:42,715
- Fuck!
- 1062
- 01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:44,393
- Maybe you should leave a note.
- 1063
- 01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,149
- That's your department.
- 1064
- 01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:55,477
- I...
- I just can't do it.
- 1065
- 01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:56,880
- Yeah.
- I'll drive.
- 1066
- 01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,199
- What was that?
- 1067
- 01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:07,510
- Satisfying.
- 1068
- 01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:17,115
- Teamwork. Always put the team first.
- I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid.
- 1069
- 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,510
- You know,
- if Flagstaff was so great,
- 1070
- 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:25,995
- then where was the undeniably gorgeous
- but emotionally inaccessible Kansas City?
- 1071
- 01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:29,909
- I don't know. Maybe she split because
- she thought they had a random relationship.
- 1072
- 01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:36,435
- Or maybe she was just about to come back under
- the thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo.
- 1073
- 01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,238
- Wait, what are you getting at?
- 1074
- 01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:43,312
- I think you're smart enough
- to figure it out...
- 1075
- 01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:44,629
- Oh, my God.
- 1076
- 01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,200
- You gotta be kidding me.
- 1077
- 01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:48,270
- You gotta be kidding me.
- 1078
- 01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:53,878
- - You gotta be kidding me!
- - You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- 1079
- 01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:55,440
- Why the hell is she still alive?
- 1080
- 01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:58,274
- Oh, my God,
- I literally missed you guys.
- 1081
- 01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:00,318
- - Yay!
- - Oh, my God.
- 1082
- 01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,240
- Just...
- No, just look ahead.
- 1083
- 01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,994
- Hi, old guy!
- 1084
- 01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:09,400
- Let's hang out.
- 1085
- 01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:13,036
- It is so weird to see you.
- The last time I saw you, you were like a...
- 1086
- 01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:14,793
- - You were a zombie.
- - I wish.
- 1087
- 01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:16,837
- Stupid nut allergy.
- 1088
- 01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:18,479
- - Nut allergy?
- - Yeah.
- 1089
- 01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,029
- Yeah, I think it was the trail mix
- that Wichita gave me.
- 1090
- 01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:23,191
- Yeah, who knew there were nuts
- in trail mix.
- 1091
- 01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:25,192
- Not me. I thought it was vegan.
- 1092
- 01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:30,679
- I kept trying to tell you it was only an allergic reaction,
- but you thought I was trying to bite you.
- 1093
- 01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:33,594
- - Yeah, well...
- - Not that you minded last time.
- 1094
- 01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:37,238
- Thank you
- for shooting over my head.
- 1095
- 01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,391
- I was reallyjust trying
- to scare you off.
- 1096
- 01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:41,278
- You're not gonna get rid
- of me that easy.
- 1097
- 01:08:41,360 --> 01:08:43,033
- - Oh, no!
- - Ha, ha, ha.
- 1098
- 01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:48,878
- There I was hiding in the woods,
- when I thought, "I used to live in a freezer,
- 1099
- 01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:50,917
- so why not a freezer on wheels?"
- 1100
- 01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,992
- Can't argue with that logic.
- 1101
- 01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:54,958
- I really miss this.
- 1102
- 01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,390
- - Was that sarcasm?
- - Was it?
- 1103
- 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:00,520
- Mm-hm.
- 1104
- 01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:07,595
- Why wouldn't we just move to an island?
- 1105
- 01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:11,469
- - That's a really good idea.
- - Because then there wouldn't be zombies.
- 1106
- 01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,632
- - Of course.
- - We should go to Temptation Island.
- 1107
- 01:09:16,440 --> 01:09:18,397
- Hey, hey, hey.
- 1108
- 01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:19,400
- - What?
- - Hey, hey.
- 1109
- 01:09:19,401 --> 01:09:21,199
- - Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- - Hey, hey.
- 1110
- 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:23,919
- Just...
- Just eyes on the road.
- 1111
- 01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,640
- Do you want me to change
- the CD or anything?
- 1112
- 01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:28,279
- Is this a CD playing?
- 1113
- 01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:30,875
- - Yeah. It's Port... It's Portishead.
- - What is this?
- 1114
- 01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,191
- - This is Portishead?
- - Yeah. You know what's funny?
- 1115
- 01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:39,190
- I used to think it was called "Portashed" until I went
- to one of the concerts, and she explained.
- 1116
- 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:40,879
- Yeah, I would think "Portasheed."
- 1117
- 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:42,917
- - Right. Yeah, that's funny.
- - Yeah.
- 1118
- 01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:47,591
- <i>It was obvious to me that Wichita
- and I were meant to be together,</i>
- 1119
- 01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:50,673
- <i>which is why Madison's return
- could not have been worse timing.</i>
- 1120
- 01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:55,955
- <i>Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie.
- But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge?</i>
- 1121
- 01:09:58,520 --> 01:10:01,080
- Hey. Hey, look, look, look.
- Look.
- 1122
- 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:05,760
- Look.
- 1123
- 01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:11,591
- We made it to Baby-lon.
- 1124
- 01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:17,397
- <i>If you hear more than the usual excitement
- in my voice, it's for two reasons.</i>
- 1125
- 01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:21,315
- <i>One, we may have caught up
- to Little Rock, for real this time.</i>
- 1126
- 01:10:21,440 --> 01:10:27,277
- <i>And two, we may have finally found our forever home,
- which is what I've been looking for all along.</i>
- 1127
- 01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,196
- - Babylon.
- - I love that song.
- 1128
- 01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:33,680
- This place is soy cute.
- 1129
- 01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:41,951
- - Jesus!
- - What the fuck?
- 1130
- 01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:45,158
- - Enjoy the little things.
- - My bags were in there!
- 1131
- 01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,914
- - No, they weren't.
- - No guns allowed!
- 1132
- 01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:52,595
- I like this place already.
- You got a sense of humour.
- 1133
- 01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,273
- No guns allowed.
- 1134
- 01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:58,917
- I'm not giving up my guns
- under any circumstances, period-o.
- 1135
- 01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,834
- Well, then, there's no way
- you're getting up to Babylon.
- 1136
- 01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,037
- You know, you could always wait
- in the car.
- 1137
- 01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:09,552
- Do you wanna see
- Little Rock or not?
- 1138
- 01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:27,790
- - There she is.
- - I wouldn't know. I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.
- 1139
- 01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:28,880
- Little Rock.
- 1140
- 01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:32,356
- - Hey.
- - Hi.
- 1141
- 01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,736
- - What are you guys doing here?
- - I am so glad you're safe.
- 1142
- 01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:37,956
- - Wow, okay.
- - Oh, my God.
- 1143
- 01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,040
- - Come here.
- - Hi.
- 1144
- 01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:42,955
- - No, seriously, what are you guys doing here?
- - Hey, we don't leave each other.
- 1145
- 01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:44,599
- I know, I know.
- I'm really sorry.
- 1146
- 01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,320
- - Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever.
- - No more notes. Ever.
- 1147
- 01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:48,675
- - Ever. Great.
- - Okay.
- 1148
- 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,717
- Just so you guys know,
- there's no group sex.
- 1149
- 01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:53,997
- - Okay, fine, group sex.
- - No!
- 1150
- 01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:58,512
- Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus,
- and that makes you Tallahassee.
- 1151
- 01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,512
- - Berkeley?
- - You're from Berkeley?
- 1152
- 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,557
- - You're Berkeley?
- - No, come on.
- 1153
- 01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:04,597
- What are the chances we're
- both from Berkeley?
- 1154
- 01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,576
- - Berkeley!
- - Calm down, calm down. Okay?
- 1155
- 01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:11,675
- Thank you guys for coming to check up on me, I guess.
- But you have to understand these people are peaceful,
- 1156
- 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:16,118
- and they're friendly and nice. And honestly,
- I don't think you're gonna fit in here.
- 1157
- 01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:19,557
- - They melted our fucking weapons!
- - This is exactly what I meant.
- 1158
- 01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,155
- Guys, I think we should stay.
- 1159
- 01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,914
- - You don't get a vote.
- - I do get a vote.
- 1160
- 01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:27,037
- Haven't you ever heard of women suffering?
- 1161
- 01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:28,440
- Women suffrage?
- 1162
- 01:12:29,440 --> 01:12:31,272
- - No, honey.
- - Oh, boy.
- 1163
- 01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:32,953
- - Who the hell is this?
- - I'm Madison.
- 1164
- 01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:34,554
- - Don't say it.
- - You'll love this.
- 1165
- 01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,280
- - Don't say it.
- - That's Columbus' girlfriend.
- 1166
- 01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:38,656
- - It's official.
- - Wow.
- 1167
- 01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:41,320
- You reallyjust didn't waste
- any time, did you?
- 1168
- 01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,040
- - Well, thank you for your vote.
- - And you're welcome.
- 1169
- 01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:48,433
- - Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go.
- - Hey, Little Rock!
- 1170
- 01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,239
- Sorry about that.
- 1171
- 01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:03,950
- <i>Seeing Little Rock safe
- and surrounded by friends her own age,</i>
- 1172
- 01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,271
- <i>Tallahassee realised
- his nest was now empty.</i>
- 1173
- 01:13:07,320 --> 01:13:10,438
- <i>And he began to hear
- the call of the buffalo.</i>
- 1174
- 01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:17,720
- All right, I'm ready!
- 1175
- 01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:22,560
- Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum.
- I told you guys I was leaving.
- 1176
- 01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:24,632
- So, what,
- you're just gonna split?
- 1177
- 01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,835
- It's time. Gotta set out
- on my own adventures.
- 1178
- 01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,752
- Little Rock's safe,
- 1179
- 01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:35,878
- and a lone wolf's gotta hunt.
- 1180
- 01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,434
- So where are you gonna go?
- 1181
- 01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:41,513
- The direction's
- the destination. West.
- 1182
- 01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:45,554
- West is that way.
- 1183
- 01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:50,516
- Yeah. Anyway, like the title of
- a great Phil Collins song,
- 1184
- 01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:54,389
- "If You Love Somebody,
- Set Them Free."
- 1185
- 01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:56,551
- - Pretty sure that wasn't him.
- - Pretty sure it was.
- 1186
- 01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:58,996
- - No, it was someone else.
- - Pretty sure it was him.
- 1187
- 01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:02,593
- Yeah. Peace.
- 1188
- 01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:07,235
- I'm not much for goodbyes,
- so...
- 1189
- 01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:10,996
- - Yeah, just don't say the pig thing.
- - Keep your tits dry.
- 1190
- 01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,390
- - Oh, okay.
- - Didn't see that coming, right?
- 1191
- 01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:14,880
- I would've rather the pig thing.
- 1192
- 01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,360
- Hey.
- 1193
- 01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:25,075
- Hey, don't do nothing
- I wouldn't not do.
- 1194
- 01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:28,757
- - You get what I'm saying.
- - Not really, no.
- 1195
- 01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:30,433
- No? Okay.
- 1196
- 01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:34,519
- Anyway, gonna miss you guys.
- 1197
- 01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:45,554
- - I will never forget you, what's-his-name.
- - See you, pals.
- 1198
- 01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:48,678
- - It's Tallahassee. I told you that.
- - Sally Tally!
- 1199
- 01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:02,800
- ♪ Give me a home
- Where the buffalo roam ♪
- 1200
- 01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:07,352
- ♪ And the deer
- and the antelope play ♪
- 1201
- 01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:11,838
- ♪ Where seldom is heard,
- a discouraging word ♪
- 1202
- 01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:13,513
- ♪ And the skies are not... ♪
- 1203
- 01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:22,390
- T-800s.
- 1204
- 01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:26,390
- That decides it.
- 1205
- 01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:42,318
- ♪ Kumbaya ♪
- 1206
- 01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,558
- ♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪
- 1207
- 01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:46,835
- Everybody.
- 1208
- 01:15:46,920 --> 01:15:48,593
- ♪ Kumbaya ♪♪
- 1209
- 01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:51,560
- Coming to you.
- 1210
- 01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,832
- There it is.
- Let's start again.
- 1211
- 01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,754
- Oh, it's all right.
- I got it. Excuse me.
- 1212
- 01:15:57,840 --> 01:15:58,910
- Yes. I got it.
- 1213
- 01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:01,071
- - You're supposed to kick it back.
- - Really?
- 1214
- 01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:03,795
- - You never seen hacky sack?
- - Oh, I thought it's like hopscotch.
- 1215
- 01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:08,395
- - Salty Taffy's back!
- - Holy shit!
- 1216
- 01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,917
- Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them,
- heading right this way.
- 1217
- 01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:16,199
- Those goddamn fireworks
- might as well be a dinner bell!
- 1218
- 01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:20,752
- Stop the fireworks! Stop the music!
- Everybody shut the fuck up!
- 1219
- 01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:21,876
- Shut up.
- 1220
- 01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:23,519
- Question:
- 1221
- 01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:26,155
- Did you melt all the weapons?
- 1222
- 01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:28,630
- Yeah, that's how we made these
- cool peace thingies.
- 1223
- 01:16:28,720 --> 01:16:30,552
- - Oh, Jesus.
- - My guns!
- 1224
- 01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:34,520
- Hey. Hello. I got something going.
- I think I might have a plan.
- 1225
- 01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:36,675
- What?
- 1226
- 01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,592
- I got nothing.
- I'm just a songwriter.
- 1227
- 01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:41,478
- No. No, you're
- a song transcriber.
- 1228
- 01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:43,313
- - Listen, Berkeley?
- - Yeah?
- 1229
- 01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:45,153
- I don't think
- this is gonna work out.
- 1230
- 01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:48,995
- Even 12-year-olds know
- who Bob Dylan is, you fucking poser.
- 1231
- 01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:53,199
- Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,
- I have truly enjoyed this moment,
- 1232
- 01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:54,760
- but there are
- zombies approaching.
- 1233
- 01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,920
- Okay. Civil War general,
- you must know how to fight?
- 1234
- 01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,195
- Sure.
- 1235
- 01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:02,840
- Poverty, sexism,
- social injustice.
- 1236
- 01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,236
- - We could try running.
- - I'm done running.
- 1237
- 01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:09,392
- I mean, what good is a home
- if you can't stay in it?
- 1238
- 01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:10,954
- - Columbus.
- - Yes, Thor?
- 1239
- 01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:13,714
- You're making me cry right now.
- 1240
- 01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:15,200
- - No, please don't.
- - Oh, my God.
- 1241
- 01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:17,158
- Okay.
- I moved through it.
- 1242
- 01:17:17,240 --> 01:17:19,709
- Now from where I stand,
- there's only one thing we can do.
- 1243
- 01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:21,598
- Group sex. Right?
- 1244
- 01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:23,920
- No.
- 1245
- 01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:27,275
- We'll fight them.
- 1246
- 01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:31,398
- You'll be the first to die,
- but I like your enthusiasm.
- 1247
- 01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:34,154
- - You might die.
- - Thank you for your sacrifice.
- 1248
- 01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,551
- All right,
- everybody, listen up.
- 1249
- 01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:43,475
- They outnumber us 100 times,
- but they ain't got what we do.
- 1250
- 01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:44,480
- Guns?
- 1251
- 01:17:44,481 --> 01:17:45,755
- - We don't have guns.
- - What?
- 1252
- 01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:50,198
- What we do have is heart,
- brains and biodiesel.
- 1253
- 01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:53,990
- <i>We're gonna light these zombies up
- like it's the Fourth of July.</i>
- 1254
- 01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:58,233
- Then we hit the stragglers.
- What we do is we form a gauntlet.
- 1255
- 01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:02,031
- Ha!
- One, two, three.
- 1256
- 01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,555
- - Then we mop them up.
- - Sick.
- 1257
- 01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:07,474
- - This is gonna work, right?
- - It has to.
- 1258
- 01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:19,074
- Rolling.
- 1259
- 01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:26,555
- - Keep screwing.
- - Yeah, I am.
- 1260
- 01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:27,680
- - Keep screwing.
- - I am.
- 1261
- 01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,280
- No turning back now.
- 1262
- 01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:46,996
- There we go.
- 1263
- 01:18:47,080 --> 01:18:48,080
- Nice.
- 1264
- 01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:53,352
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's gonna work.
- 1265
- 01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:57,280
- Oh, that's pretty.
- 1266
- 01:18:57,281 --> 01:19:00,433
- - That means the zombies are coming!
- - Okay, you guys, they're coming!
- 1267
- 01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,479
- - Time to nut up or shut up.
- - You need a new line.
- 1268
- 01:19:04,960 --> 01:19:06,792
- Let's kick some dicks.
- 1269
- 01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,554
- Just because it rhymes
- doesn't make it a great catchphase.
- 1270
- 01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:12,195
- - What's her problem?
- - I don't know. I like it when it rhymes.
- 1271
- 01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:16,797
- - Here we go.
- - Okay.
- 1272
- 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:34,710
- The zombies are coming!
- 1273
- 01:19:34,800 --> 01:19:36,216
- - Oh, dear.
- - Look out, guys!
- 1274
- 01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:39,074
- - Here they come. They're coming!
- - Battle stations!
- 1275
- 01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:43,600
- Light them up!
- 1276
- 01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:02,680
- Let's go, let's go!
- Get up to safety.
- 1277
- 01:20:17,840 --> 01:20:19,115
- Here we go.
- 1278
- 01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:32,560
- Okay now, blow!
- 1279
- 01:20:34,440 --> 01:20:38,116
- Come on. Now would be
- an ideal time to blow.
- 1280
- 01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,760
- - It's not working.
- - Damn.
- 1281
- 01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:47,600
- God.
- 1282
- 01:20:47,601 --> 01:20:49,035
- Holy shit.
- It worked.
- 1283
- 01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:50,120
- Oh, my God.
- 1284
- 01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:55,271
- - Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers.
- - Okay. Yeah.
- 1285
- 01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:01,872
- Oh, shit. Would those be
- considered the stragglers?
- 1286
- 01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:03,912
- Oh, boy.
- Here they come.
- 1287
- 01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:06,160
- Get ready.
- 1288
- 01:21:16,760 --> 01:21:19,719
- Kill those motherfuckers!
- 1289
- 01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:36,271
- Well, guys,
- I hate to say this.
- 1290
- 01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:39,915
- I think this might be
- the end of the road.
- 1291
- 01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:44,160
- - Come here.
- - I love you guys.
- 1292
- 01:21:44,240 --> 01:21:46,320
- - I love you more.
- - We had a hell of a run.
- 1293
- 01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,514
- Oh, my God.
- They're gonna die.
- 1294
- 01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,870
- Hey!
- 1295
- 01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:17,155
- Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
- 1296
- 01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:19,232
- Thank God for rednecks!
- 1297
- 01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:29,273
- - Need a ride?
- - Oh, yeah.
- 1298
- 01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:30,360
- - Get in.
- - Let's go!
- 1299
- 01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,400
- - Are y'all strapped in yet?
- - Yep. Strapping in now.
- 1300
- 01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:39,350
- Rule four.
- Got it.
- 1301
- 01:22:39,440 --> 01:22:41,830
- - You too.
- - I'm not a pussy like Columbus.
- 1302
- 01:22:41,920 --> 01:22:42,956
- Nothing personal.
- 1303
- 01:22:44,320 --> 01:22:46,596
- - Oh, God!
- - Seatbelts are there for a reason.
- 1304
- 01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:47,909
- Yep.
- 1305
- 01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,073
- I think I'm feeling
- a little nauseous.
- 1306
- 01:22:53,160 --> 01:22:55,516
- - Can somebody crack a window maybe?
- - Oh, no, you don't.
- 1307
- 01:22:57,480 --> 01:22:59,039
- Little Rock,
- roll down the window.
- 1308
- 01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:00,560
- If you get sick,
- we all get sick.
- 1309
- 01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,519
- Okay, okay.
- Oh, God.
- 1310
- 01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:10,111
- Could you just pull over so I can get
- eaten by zombies? It'll be more comfortable.
- 1311
- 01:23:13,640 --> 01:23:14,869
- Whoo!
- 1312
- 01:23:15,840 --> 01:23:17,274
- - Oh, shit. Watch out!
- - Do it!
- 1313
- 01:23:25,160 --> 01:23:28,471
- Yee-ha!
- - Oh, my God, you are sexy.
- 1314
- 01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:30,631
- Can you not say "sexy"?
- I'm already nauseous.
- 1315
- 01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:37,360
- Shit.
- Shit, shit, shit.
- 1316
- 01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:40,512
- Shit.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 1317
- 01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:41,640
- Shit.
- 1318
- 01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:43,160
- - Oh, shit.
- - You guys okay?
- 1319
- 01:23:43,240 --> 01:23:46,392
- - Thank you for flying Big Fat Death.
- - Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
- 1320
- 01:23:46,480 --> 01:23:48,551
- I told you these things
- were a huge rollover risk.
- 1321
- 01:23:48,640 --> 01:23:50,233
- - We gotta move!
- - Come on!
- 1322
- 01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:53,119
- Hurry! Hurry!
- They're coming!
- 1323
- 01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:55,136
- - Oh, no!
- - Come on! Here they come!
- 1324
- 01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:56,799
- - Go, go, go!
- - Shit.
- 1325
- 01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:59,115
- - Come on!
- - Oh, shit!
- 1326
- 01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:00,200
- Come on!
- 1327
- 01:24:01,640 --> 01:24:03,074
- - Oh, shit!
- - Shit!
- 1328
- 01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:12,480
- Thank you.
- 1329
- 01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:15,751
- - Yes!
- - Here they come!
- 1330
- 01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,552
- - Go, get in. Go, go, go!
- - Go, go, go!
- 1331
- 01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:27,396
- Run!
- 1332
- 01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:33,472
- - I'm out of bullets!
- - Guys, go! I'm right behind you!
- 1333
- 01:24:36,480 --> 01:24:39,632
- Get in position! Form the gauntlet!
- I'll hold them off!
- 1334
- 01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:45,152
- <i>Donkey Kong,</i>
- motherfuckers!
- 1335
- 01:25:10,920 --> 01:25:12,991
- <i>You can't write
- the history of Zombieland</i>
- 1336
- 01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,879
- <i>without telling the story
- of one momentous day.</i>
- 1337
- 01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:19,833
- <i>The day one free man
- made the ultimate sacrifice</i>
- 1338
- 01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:24,995
- <i>and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestors
- he may or may not have had.</i>
- 1339
- 01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:31,995
- <i>The day he led the first, the last,
- the only great American zombie jump.</i>
- 1340
- 01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:02,233
- Zombie Kill of the Year?
- 1341
- 01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:03,913
- <i>Century.</i>
- 1342
- 01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:06,515
- <i>Only one problem.
- Well, okay, two.</i>
- 1343
- 01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:11,069
- Oh!
- 1344
- 01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:17,736
- - Tallahassee!
- - Hang on, we're coming.
- 1345
- 01:26:17,760 --> 01:26:19,035
- Hold on.
- 1346
- 01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,136
- - Help! I'm falling!
- - Shit!
- 1347
- 01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:22,958
- We can't help you.
- 1348
- 01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:24,474
- Guys! Help me!
- 1349
- 01:26:24,560 --> 01:26:26,950
- - Shit. What should we do?
- - Throw something at them.
- 1350
- 01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:29,714
- Oh, shit. Okay.
- Shit. Sorry.
- 1351
- 01:26:30,801 --> 01:26:32,837
- You hit me in the nuts
- with a hacky sack.
- 1352
- 01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:33,840
- - Sorry.
- - What?
- 1353
- 01:26:33,841 --> 01:26:36,515
- I'm losing my grip.
- I'm gonna fall.
- 1354
- 01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:40,190
- No! Oh, no!
- 1355
- 01:26:54,200 --> 01:26:55,680
- Long live the King.
- 1356
- 01:26:57,360 --> 01:26:58,680
- - Oh.
- - Ugh.
- 1357
- 01:26:59,200 --> 01:27:01,032
- Guys, I'm still here!
- 1358
- 01:27:01,120 --> 01:27:03,032
- - Give me your hand!
- - Hold my arm.
- 1359
- 01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:05,840
- - Kick your foot out.
- - Goddamn it, Columbus!
- 1360
- 01:27:05,960 --> 01:27:08,721
- - Point your toe!
- - Human chain, this is a terrible idea!
- 1361
- 01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:12,160
- - I can't reach.
- - Kick it, kick it. I got it.
- 1362
- 01:27:12,240 --> 01:27:13,310
- Pull, pull.
- 1363
- 01:27:13,840 --> 01:27:15,160
- Okay. I got you.
- 1364
- 01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:17,075
- Okay.
- 1365
- 01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:19,277
- Oh, man.
- Are you okay?
- 1366
- 01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:21,158
- - Yeah.
- - That was amazing.
- 1367
- 01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:23,276
- Thank you.
- 1368
- 01:27:24,480 --> 01:27:25,550
- Hey.
- 1369
- 01:27:28,800 --> 01:27:29,800
- You kept the gun?
- 1370
- 01:27:29,880 --> 01:27:32,111
- How could I give up my favourite
- Christmas present?
- 1371
- 01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:33,953
- Why didn't you
- pull it out sooner?
- 1372
- 01:27:34,040 --> 01:27:37,033
- I forget about it but...
- I smoked a lot of weed.
- 1373
- 01:27:38,680 --> 01:27:40,194
- Chip off the old block.
- 1374
- 01:27:43,440 --> 01:27:44,440
- Yes.
- 1375
- 01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:46,160
- Yes?
- 1376
- 01:27:46,161 --> 01:27:47,719
- Oh, yes, yes?
- 1377
- 01:27:48,760 --> 01:27:49,796
- Yes, yes.
- 1378
- 01:27:51,320 --> 01:27:52,390
- Yes, yes, yes?
- 1379
- 01:27:52,480 --> 01:27:54,278
- - Yes. Yes.
- - Yes?
- 1380
- 01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:55,635
- - Really?
- - Mm.
- 1381
- 01:27:57,840 --> 01:27:59,559
- What changed your mind?
- 1382
- 01:27:59,640 --> 01:28:02,439
- Because Zombieland or not,
- we're meant to be together.
- 1383
- 01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:10,670
- So basically, that means
- this belongs to her.
- 1384
- 01:28:10,760 --> 01:28:11,760
- Oh. Huh.
- 1385
- 01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:13,000
- Cool.
- 1386
- 01:28:13,720 --> 01:28:15,234
- Thank you.
- 1387
- 01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:16,320
- Okay.
- 1388
- 01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:21,117
- - Okay. Are you ready?
- - Yeah.
- 1389
- 01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:22,270
- - Okay. I'm good.
- - Okay.
- 1390
- 01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,869
- - Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah.
- - Okay.
- 1391
- 01:28:24,960 --> 01:28:25,920
- Great.
- 1392
- 01:28:25,921 --> 01:28:28,037
- - Which hand do I...?
- - This one.
- 1393
- 01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:29,554
- - Okay.
- - Okay, yes. Here we go.
- 1394
- 01:28:34,160 --> 01:28:35,196
- Wow.
- 1395
- 01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:37,640
- Come here.
- 1396
- 01:28:41,280 --> 01:28:43,511
- - Ah.
- - Nicely done.
- 1397
- 01:28:44,600 --> 01:28:48,480
- I'm gonna walk that little
- spitfuck down the aisle.
- 1398
- 01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,233
- It's a good thing
- you didn't die, then.
- 1399
- 01:28:51,600 --> 01:28:52,600
- Washoe County.
- 1400
- 01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,037
- - What?
- - Washoe County, Nevada.
- 1401
- 01:28:58,840 --> 01:28:59,800
- Reno.
- 1402
- 01:28:59,801 --> 01:29:01,793
- Biggest little city
- in the world.
- 1403
- 01:29:09,200 --> 01:29:10,429
- - Just go for it.
- - Thank you.
- 1404
- 01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:11,520
- - Sweet.
- - Oh, my God.
- 1405
- 01:29:13,760 --> 01:29:14,680
- What? What?
- 1406
- 01:29:14,681 --> 01:29:16,319
- - Oh, my gosh!
- - Shit!
- 1407
- 01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:23,595
- - Homer. It's a long way down.
- - Our work here is done.
- 1408
- 01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:26,440
- Let's party.
- 1409
- 01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:28,079
- - Come on!
- - Yeah!
- 1410
- 01:29:29,160 --> 01:29:30,160
- Wait for me.
- 1411
- 01:29:53,240 --> 01:29:58,235
- Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.
- 1412
- 01:29:58,320 --> 01:30:02,439
- Every hair on my body feels
- like a little wang.
- 1413
- 01:30:02,520 --> 01:30:04,796
- - Yikes.
- - Where to?
- 1414
- 01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,234
- How about home?
- 1415
- 01:30:07,320 --> 01:30:08,240
- Home?
- 1416
- 01:30:08,241 --> 01:30:09,641
- - Yeah.
- - Yes, good idea.
- 1417
- 01:30:11,560 --> 01:30:12,560
- Where's home?
- 1418
- 01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:15,913
- I think we're already there.
- 1419
- 01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:21,280
- <i>Because if our adventures had taught us
- about anything, it was home.</i>
- 1420
- 01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:25,513
- <i>Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it.
- I didn't need to keep looking for it.</i>
- 1421
- 01:30:25,600 --> 01:30:29,276
- <i>Because home isn't a place,
- it's the people you're with.</i>
- 1422
- 01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:33,360
- <i>I guess that's why they're called your homies.
- And my homies are pretty fucking awesome.</i>
- 1423
- 01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,433
- <i>So till next time,
- this is Columbus, Ohio,</i>
- 1424
- 01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:39,911
- <i>on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock,
- Reno and Tallahassee,</i>
- 1425
- 01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:42,913
- <i>saying</i> hasta la vista,
- <i>baby.</i>
- 1426
- 01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:45,752
- <i>That one's for you,
- Flagstaff.</i>
- 1427
- 01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:56,153
- <i>♪ Lord Almighty
- I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>
- 1428
- 01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:02,754
- <i>♪ Higher, higher
- It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>
- 1429
- 01:31:05,600 --> 01:31:07,831
- <i>Oh, hey.
- Yeah, sorry. One more thing.</i>
- 1430
- 01:31:07,920 --> 01:31:10,435
- <i>I'm actually feeling a little guilty
- about what Nevada said.</i>
- 1431
- 01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,592
- <i>You know, about Murraying
- a certain you-know-who?</i>
- 1432
- 01:31:13,680 --> 01:31:16,878
- <i>Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole through
- the finest comic actor of our generation.</i>
- 1433
- 01:31:16,960 --> 01:31:19,714
- <i>But I would love to make it up
- to you, to all of you.</i>
- 1434
- 01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,634
- <i>And for that, we gotta
- go back to 2009.</i>
- 1435
- 01:31:26,320 --> 01:31:29,677
- Welcome, everyone, to the
- <i>Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby</i> junket.
- 1436
- 01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:31,353
- You'll each have five minutes.
- 1437
- 01:31:31,440 --> 01:31:35,400
- Please keep your questions focused
- on the film and don't go off-topic.
- 1438
- 01:31:35,480 --> 01:31:40,714
- The idea of a trilogy was something...
- As an artist, you think the great ones:
- 1439
- 01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:42,200
- <i>Godfather</i> and...
- 1440
- 01:31:43,960 --> 01:31:44,880
- <i>Lethal Weapon.</i>
- 1441
- 01:31:44,881 --> 01:31:48,635
- But the question is,
- why in the world <i>Garfield 3?</i>
- 1442
- 01:31:48,720 --> 01:31:50,916
- - Can this be just between us?
- - Yes.
- 1443
- 01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:52,957
- Drugs cost money.
- 1444
- 01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:57,637
- And I have to say, as an actor, how many
- of your nine lives do you think you have left?
- 1445
- 01:31:57,720 --> 01:32:00,189
- Well, I've done three of these.
- Three <i>Garfields.</i>
- 1446
- 01:32:01,080 --> 01:32:02,230
- So that's six.
- 1447
- 01:32:02,320 --> 01:32:04,198
- The essence of Garfield,
- I think...
- 1448
- 01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:05,280
- Right.
- 1449
- 01:32:05,360 --> 01:32:07,477
- ...is the hairball.
- 1450
- 01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:09,950
- Didn't I say? I had a feeling
- this would come up.
- 1451
- 01:32:10,040 --> 01:32:12,032
- Can you give me a hairball?
- 1452
- 01:32:14,520 --> 01:32:16,637
- Don't wanna do the hairball,
- get it out of the way?
- 1453
- 01:32:16,760 --> 01:32:18,399
- - No.
- - Can you try now?
- 1454
- 01:32:18,480 --> 01:32:20,995
- - Give me a little hairball now?
- - Come on.
- 1455
- 01:32:23,880 --> 01:32:24,996
- Come on.
- 1456
- 01:32:30,880 --> 01:32:32,917
- You know, how about
- if I did it with you?
- 1457
- 01:32:33,000 --> 01:32:34,912
- - Okay. Come on. Come on.
- - That was close.
- 1458
- 01:32:35,000 --> 01:32:36,514
- We'll do a selfie together.
- 1459
- 01:32:38,480 --> 01:32:39,516
- Great. Great.
- 1460
- 01:32:42,920 --> 01:32:43,990
- You all right, man?
- 1461
- 01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:46,910
- All over the mike.
- 1462
- 01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:50,317
- Can we get a baby wipe for Al?
- Maybe move him back to his room, please?
- 1463
- 01:32:57,120 --> 01:32:58,998
- Huge fan, Mr. Roker.
- 1464
- 01:33:01,240 --> 01:33:05,280
- All right, Tim, let's get out of here.
- Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go.
- 1465
- 01:33:05,360 --> 01:33:07,829
- - I've never seen Al Roker behave that way.
- - That was crazy.
- 1466
- 01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,037
- Sometimes it feels like
- it's you against the world.
- 1467
- 01:33:10,120 --> 01:33:11,793
- - Oh, my God.
- - I think it is.
- 1468
- 01:33:18,440 --> 01:33:19,476
- Oh, dear.
- 1469
- 01:33:20,880 --> 01:33:22,473
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
- 1470
- 01:33:22,800 --> 01:33:23,800
- Excuse me?
- 1471
- 01:33:27,880 --> 01:33:29,553
- <i>♪ Do what you like ♪</i>
- 1472
- 01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:33,390
- Nice.
- 1473
- 01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:40,200
- Help me!
- 1474
- 01:33:42,400 --> 01:33:45,074
- Bill Murray! I love some of
- your films. Please help me!
- 1475
- 01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:49,919
- I ain't afraid of no ghost.
- 1476
- 01:34:00,680 --> 01:34:02,592
- I hate Mondays.
- 1477
- 01:34:03,720 --> 01:34:07,794
- <i>♪ Lord Almighty
- I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>
- 1478
- 01:34:10,440 --> 01:34:14,320
- <i>♪ Higher, higher
- It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>
- 1479
- 01:34:16,880 --> 01:34:21,272
- <i>♪ Girl, girl, girl
- You're gonna set me on fire ♪</i>
- 1480
- 01:34:23,440 --> 01:34:27,434
- <i>♪ My brain is flaming
- I don't know which way to go ♪</i>
- 1481
- 01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:36,150
- <i>♪ And your kisses lift me higher
- Like a sweet song of the choir ♪</i>
- 1482
- 01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:40,674
- <i>♪ And you light my morning sky
- With your burning love ♪</i>
- 1483
- 01:34:43,800 --> 01:34:47,714
- <i>♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
- I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>
- 1484
- 01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:49,600
- <i>Yeah</i>
- 1485
- 01:34:50,200 --> 01:34:54,240
- <i>♪ Well, help me, I'm flaming
- I must be a hundred and nine ♪</i>
- 1486
- 01:34:57,080 --> 01:35:01,120
- <i>♪ Burning, burning, burning
- And nothing can cool me ♪</i>
- 1487
- 01:35:03,840 --> 01:35:08,312
- <i>♪ I just might turn to smoke
- But I feel fine ♪</i>
- 1488
- 01:35:09,920 --> 01:35:16,030
- <i>♪ Because your kisses lift me higher
- Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>
- 1489
- 01:35:16,800 --> 01:35:20,874
- <i>♪ And you light my morning sky
- With your burning love ♪</i>
- 1490
- 01:35:21,960 --> 01:35:22,960
- <i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>
- 1491
- 01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:34,310
- <i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>
- 1492
- 01:35:37,240 --> 01:35:41,154
- <i>♪ It's coming closer
- The flames are now reaching my body ♪</i>
- 1493
- 01:35:43,600 --> 01:35:47,594
- <i>♪ Please won't you help me
- I feel like I'm slipping away ♪</i>
- 1494
- 01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:54,553
- <i>♪ It's hard to breathe
- And my chest is a-heaving ♪</i>
- 1495
- 01:35:57,120 --> 01:36:01,273
- <i>♪ Lord, have mercy
- I'm burning a hole where I lay ♪</i>
- 1496
- 01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:09,517
- <i>♪ 'Cause your kisses lift me higher
- Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>
- 1497
- 01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:14,400
- <i>♪ And you light my morning sky
- With your burning love ♪</i>
- 1498
- 01:36:15,160 --> 01:36:17,629
- <i>♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪</i>
- 1499
- 01:36:19,560 --> 01:36:20,960
- <i>♪ Your burning love ♪</i>
- 1500
- 01:36:23,320 --> 01:36:26,074
- <i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
- a hunk of burning love ♪</i>
- 1501
- 01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:29,354
- <i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
- a hunk of burning love ♪</i>
- 1502
- 01:36:30,040 --> 01:36:32,839
- <i>♪ Just a hunk,
- a hunk of burning love ♪</i>
- 1503
- 01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:39,517
- <i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
- a hunk of burning love ♪</i>
- 1504
- 01:36:40,160 --> 01:36:42,675
- <i>♪ Just a hunk,
- a hunk of burning love ♪</i>
- 1505
- 01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:44,275
- <i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>
- 1506
- 01:36:45,320 --> 01:36:47,835
- <i>♪ Yeah
- Burning love ♪♪</i>
- 1507
- 01:38:40,360 --> 01:38:42,670
- Oh, <i>pardon</i>.
- En español, it's like:
- 1508
- 01:38:50,400 --> 01:38:52,596
- P... P...
- Pardon my accent.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement