Chapter 5: And Everywhere He Is in Chains

Chapter 5:  And Everywhere He Is in Chains

I wake up to the feeling of having my entire body shifted from one side to another.  It's not an unusual feeling.  Normally I don't wake up for that.  It takes me a while to figure out why that would wake me up, and why I'm not just going back to sleep.  Vinata's shifting around too much and breathing way too heavily.  I try to look around, but it seems we've turned away from my lantern and everything's too backlit to get a good view.
"Vee."
She groans into her own tail.
"Vee, wake up."
She shifts around again, taking me with her.  I quickly find myself buried under the majority of her body weight, which isn't suffocating but isn't comfortable, either.
"Vee!"  For emphasis I grab a random part of her tail and pinch.
"Grhrmm-ah!"
"Vee, you up?  It's kinda hard to breathe in here."

Immediately she's half uncoiled, holding only my legs in a ball of green scales.  Immediately after that, I get a good look at her face, and I realize that I've made a mistake.  She's completely flushed, ear to cheek to neck.  She pants as she looks down at me, and her lips draw back into a smile.

Dammit.

She buries her head next to mine as her tail starts to wrap around my abdomen again.  "Mmm-mm, good morning, Val."  Her voice is even sweeter than usual.  Her arms wrap around my shoulders as she press the side of her head against mine.  "You know, I was thinking, you'd make such a great dad."  The two serpents growing from her temples start to idly wrap themselves around my neck.
"Vee, we need to get up.  Now."  I try not to sound nervous.  It never helps you when you're dealing with mamono to sound nervous.  I think it only turns them on.
"Haven't you ever thought about it, though?  Being a father, I mean," her voice trails off as she shifts herself back to look at my face again.  Her hands move to trace down my arms.  "Wouldn't you be happy?  Having a dozen kids and a loving wife?"
"I'd probably eat them for sustenance."  I pull my arms back and prop myself up by the elbows.  "Vee, we need to go."

I'm immediately forced back down onto the bed as Vinata shifts her weight, pressing down on me as she wraps more of my body in coils.  The world goes dark as her head gets buried right next to mine.  "Val," she whispers, as though sharing some great secret," I could make you a father."  She pauses to take several gasping breaths.  "And you," she pants, "you could make me a mother."
"Don't do this."
"I'll show you."  One of her hands works its way down toward my jeans.  "It'll be wonderful."

I didn't want to do this.  I'd figured out what I'd do if this ever happened, but I didn't want to.  I don't want to.  The chain on my lantern shortens as I will it to, until the thing is buried between her coils trying to reach me.
"Vinata, let go of me."
There's a small gasp, an a whimper of pain.  "Val, please, I just-"
I try to speak as forcefully as I can, while still sounding calm.  "Let go of me."  I still feel her hand reach my waistline.  Dammit.  I never wanted to do this.  I know what shape I'm going for, so it's just a matter of will and time.  The roof of the lantern turns smooth and round and buries itself between two coils, right next to my hand.  Then, around the sides, it begins to form spikes.

Her hand freezes as it clasps the button on my jeans.  I can see her face slowly scrunch inward as she tries to figure out what's happening.
"Vee.  This isn't you, it's the moon.  You need to let go of me."
Her tail shifts around, trying to avoid the pain, but the spikes keep growing and pressing into her scales.  I can see the change in her face as she figures out what it is that I'm doing.  Without wasting a second her face is an inch away from mine, lips almost touching as she speaks.  "Val, please, don't."
The spikes keep growing outward, and even as she pleads with me her tail starts to unwrap from my shoulders.  I can see a small patch of light on the far wall where the only light can get out.  She grasps my shoulders again as desperation fills her voice, "I don't want to be alone."
"Vee, you won't be, but you need to let me go."  I'm partway there, I just need to get my arm loose and I'm free.  I focus just slightly more and the flames grow, shining more light into the wall and releasing heat out of the sides.  Even without being directed toward my hand, I can feel the scorching heat rippling outward.

And that does it.  With a yelp of discomfort she pulls away from me and I jerk myself back, so that I'm sitting on the pillow while she's tangled around herself on the foot of the bed.  We stare at each other.  At first there's almost no change, until I see the recognition dawn on her face.  Her tails slumps down onto the sheets as she turns away from me.  Then there's only silence.  That's not good enough though.  I have to make this clear.  She starts before I do.

"Val, I didn't-"
"Get out."
I don't know if I meant to sound so cold.  My voice was completely flat, but in this situation I sounded so much more bitter and angry than I am.  She looks at me, and the wavering torchlight reflects off of the droplets on her cheek.  Once again, it becomes painful to breathe.
"I-I wasn't going to," she begins, but stops.  "I didn't mean to-"
"Just," I start, but my voice gives out on me before I can say anything else.  I take another aching breath before finishing in a much smaller voice, "get out."

And she does.  I watch as she untangles herself and reaches the door.  She pauses, as though she were about to say something else, but then simply leaves.  Then it's just me and the flame.  I stare at it as it once again diminishes into a spark unfit for a candle, then shrinks further as I piece together what I did tonight.  I let her in, even though I knew that the full moon the night after.  I knew she'd be stressed and her hormones would be going crazy.  I knew she'd be liable to do something, but I just wasn't paying attention or I didn't think that this would happen.  I was careless again.  Dammit.

She's going to blame herself for this.  Hells, maybe she should, but I'm responsible, too.  Aren't I?  No, but I'm the victim here.  But isn't doing something that I knew would lead to this mean that I'm also at fault?

The internal debate doesn't stop until my exhaustion catches up with me.  I'm even more fatigued than I was when I went to bed.

---

It's around noon when I head into the kitchen.  I haven't seen mom or dad, but that's to be expected.  Noon's the safest time to head out, so I take the time to grab a couple meal's worth of food and some bottled water.  Enough to get me through the evening and night.  I half expect to see someone out and about, but the living room is mercifully empty.  It's probably for the best; I don't know which of us should be apologizing to the other.

I get back to my room to find Mittens perched on the ledge outside my window.  She spots me and places a paw on the glass.
"Mrow."
Oh hells no.  I lean in close to the window, "I'm not letting a rape-happy cat into my room on the day of a full moon, and you're crazy if you think I will, Mittens."  I reach over and close the blinds.  She can sit out there and whine all day if she wants, I've got earbuds.  I'll be eating in peace while she-
"I'm not 'rape-happy,' I'm not a cat, and I'm not Mittens," she informs me as she sits down on my bed, "I'm Rina Aikawa of the Aikawa Nekomata, and I'm skilled enough with magic to go wherever I wish."
I'm not about to let my surprise show, especially now that she's breaking into my own damn room.  "Then why'd you want me to open it?"
She scoffs.  "It would have simply saved me some time and energy."
"Yeah, energy," I point at her, smiling a broad, fake smile, "which brings us to why you're here."

For a long while there's no answer to that.  First she just stares at me, mouth half-open, eyebrow twitching.  Then, she takes a deep breath to respond with some angry retort.  Finally, she collapses in on herself and looks away, blushing.  When she finally looks back at me it's almost rebellious.  "And?"  She faces me, but her eyes turn to study the wall.  "I'm looking for a proper husband.  Yes, I'd get spirit energy from having one, but what's wrong with that?"  She fidgets as the question hangs in the air.

I wonder if I'd normally keep badgering someone like this.  There's something oddly satisfying about watching her when she's on the defensive.  Still, she isn't wrong.  There's nothing wrong about her intentions, just the execution.  "Nothing.  What's wrong is that you're trying to get me.  What, do you think I'm just going to let you stay here until the sun sets?"
"No, I want you to ask me to."  Now, finally, she's looking me straight in the eyes.  She's blushing furiously, but she's worked up the strength to do that much.

Now it's my turn to look away from her.  I don't know why, but it's just uncomfortable to look at her right now.  It's frustrating.  "Why me?  I know how Nekomata find men, but it's just- it doesn't explain why."
"Didn't I explain already?"  She sits up straighter as her prideful demeanor returns to her.  "First, I had to find someone with innate energy, enough to match my own with training.  Normally, this would take years, but I was fortunate."  She gestures toward my lantern, "I stumbled across someone with proof of that hanging from his wrist."
"I told you, this isn't mine, I'm not-"
She cuts me off before I can finish.  "Fine, you didn't make it, but you're powering it."  She points a claw toward her eye, bringing it close enough to make me cringe in discomfort.  "I can see it.  Nothing comes from nothing.  That's spirit energy burning in there."

I look down at the thing dangling off of the floor.  It's burning away as it always does.  "Do you know why human mages are always so subtle?  It's because humans don't normally have enough energy for big, flashy effects.  Without demonic energy, most humans can't transmute anything like you do more than once or twice a day, and practically none of them could keep a flame going twenty-four hours."  She leans forward now, claws pressing dangerously into the sheets.  The way she stares at the flame is almost greedy.  "All of that energy, just to keep a fire going.  Doesn't it seem like a waste?"

A smile spreads across her face as her tails start flicking back and forth.  "It was too good to be true.  So I followed you, and I saw what sort of person you were.  Gentle, sweet, and utterly alone."  I'm still processing what she's telling me.  There's a lot of information, but she hasn't really explained anything.  "I had to make sure you'd be kind, though.  And sure enough, when you passed by a hungry cat, you couldn't help yourself."

"And that's it," I ask incredulously.  She stops mid-stride, and her smile drops into a confused frown.
"What do you mean?  What else do I need?"
"Well, I mean- why would I want to marry you?"
She opens her mouth, tenses slightly, and then closes it again.  She furrows her brow in thought and then tries again.  Finally, she simply lets her mouth hang open and stares at the ground.  By the time I'm tempted to try to comfort her she looks back to me.  She stares at me for a moment like I'm some sort of horribly convoluted puzzle that she has to solve.

"I could make you happy," she offers.
"Listen-"
"With that much energy, I could make us a beautiful home."
"I'm not-"
She begins speaking faster.  "You wouldn't need to work; I could even conjure food.  You'd have beautiful children, and-"
"This isn't-" I try to get a word in.
"You'd never be uncomfortable.  Ever.  I'd see to that.  You'd just need to be with me."
I give up and just stare at her.  For a moment she stops and stares back.  I don't know which one of us is more exasperated with the other right now.
Finally, she says "I would love you."

"You aren't going to sneak back in later tonight, are you?"  The question obviously caught her off guard.  Did she really think I'd ask her to stay?  She looks around the room, as though expecting help from my furniture.  She finally stops and shakes her head, "No.  I'm not about to try and pounce on you again."  There's a few quick puffs of breath that sound as though they were an attempt at a dry laugh.  "Well then."

She nods.  And then there's a cat standing on my bed.  It stares at me for a moment before turning pressing itself against my window.  Then, just as quickly, it's gone, slipping through the blinds and glass like soap between fingers.  I am alone again.

Good.

Good.

I eat my stale ham and cheese sandwich in peace.

---

The night passed uneventfully.  It's the one good bit of luck I've had in a while, so I'm holding onto that.  I heard some noises coming through the wardrobe that I'd moved in front of my door, but nothing I could make out and nothing that worried me too much.  By the time the sun had come back up I was asleep.  I'd even managed to avoid the random bouts of horribly depressing philosophizing I've been falling into lately with the proper mix of grinding and television.  There wasn't even a word of complaint when I finally got out and made my way to the school bus.

There was the usual problem in school the day after a full moon.  While Northport hadn't been a complete demon realm before the war, it was well on its way.  I think a little over half the population is mamono, which is why so many of the students were missing.  The ones who did come were split between three groups, the girls who came back looking like they hadn't slept at all the last night, and the ones who looked completely refreshed while they clung to guys who looked like something out of Walking Zed, and guys like me.

I spent my lunch break having my shoulder gnawed on by a ghoul.
"Morning, Jen."
"Hiw hah huh-hreeh (I was hungry)."
"Gotcha."

There weren't enough guys around for soccer practice, which was fine.  I'm not able to actually play in the games, I'm just part of the club.  The free time let me head home with my sisters.  Awkwardly and silently, but still.

It's only now that we're home that I discover why Sister hasn't been badgering me today.  A woman in a ridiculously overblown, yet skimpy nun outfit is standing in the living room.  "This is Mother Veronica, Abbess of the Abbey of Sacred Pleasure.  She's the leader of my kin in the city."  Sister is smiling way too much for this to end well for anyone.  At best, it'll just be horribly awkward.  Dad seems to pick up on this quickly.  "Oh, uh, hi there.  Please, come in, have a seat.  Is there uh, anything that we can do for you?"  His smile is strained to the point that he's basically just grinning and frowning at the same time.

She smiles that weird, creepy smile that Sister always makes as she shakes her head.  "Oh, mister Beckford, I'm not here because I need help.  I'm here because you do."  She used dad's confused pause to continue, "You see, I'm afraid you've closed your eyes to a very serious problem here.  Now, I'm not saying that it's your fault, or that you're a bad parent; thousands of families across the world suffer with it."  With this she pulls out a pamphlet.  I very briefly wonder where she was keeping it.

The pamphlet is a glossy black piece with bold, capitalized letters.  "Dealing with Westermarck's Disorder:  Why Good Brothers Become Bad Men."  I don't recall where I've heard of that disorder before, but it suddenly seems terribly important that I do so.

"Have you ever heard of Westermarck's Disorder, mister Beckford?"
"Oh, for the love of-" dad groans and slaps a hand into his face with enough force to make a loud clap.
"Dad, this is serious," Sister whines.
"That's right, mister Beckford, this is a very serious problem.  Did you know that more than ninety-five percent of boys your son's age simply aren't capable of recognizing their sisters as potential wives?"
The name clicks.  Right.  It's called a disorder because it "keeps men from living happy lives," but really it's just the fact that sane human beings aren't interested in fucking their sisters.  I know what Lythalia's doing now, and I feel sick.

Fortunately, I don't seem to be the only one.  Dad takes a deep breath and draws himself up to his full height, looking much more like the seven-foot, ex-adventurer incubus that he is.  "Now listen, miss, I'm not about to-"
"Honey, we agreed."  Mom's standing next to him, giving him a pointed look as she speaks.  He looks back at her, obviously bothered by something.

I feel really sick.  There is literally nothing about what is happening that I'm okay with.  But I have an ally.  "Dad."
He looks back at me.
"I know what you can get me for every birthday I will ever have."
His already concerned expression tenses slightly more in confusion, before immediately relaxing.  He's almost smiling as he takes a breath and turns back to the half-dressed abbess.  "I'm sorry, miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Oh wow, did I really stop breathing through that?  The spots in my vision immediately fade as I fill my lungs with cool air.  I think I can hear birds singing as Sister scowls at him and starts to protest.  She's stopped by a wave from the older priestess, "That's all right dear."  She rises to her feet, "It's only necessary that you know about this, and you know that there are resources and," she pauses, her eyes losing focus and staring vaguely in my direction, "treatments - available.  I'm sure that when the time comes you'll make the right decision."

Sister doesn't bother hiding her anger.  She scowls at dad and me as the older priestess unceremoniously leaves.  Finally, after a painfully long staring contest, she turns toward mom and spits "You knew this would happen."  She stomps out of the living room, heels clicking loudly against the floor.  Without her to focus on I look around and feel suddenly confused and alone.  Most of my sisters are simply looking at some random point in the room, frowning at the walls as though trying to figure them out.  Dad's just staring at the spot Sister was, his expression somewhere between resolute and worried.

When I look toward mom I see her face immediately turn away.  The sick, tense, trembling discomfort in my chest returns.  It's not that she was looking at me, it's that she was looking at me with that sad expression.  Why?  I try desperately to think of a second possibility.  Maybe she blames me for Sister being so upset.  Is she worried that I'm actually sick with something entirely different?  Maybe she just feels bad for me.  Yeah, that's it.

That isn't it.  That isn't it at all.  I read once that mamono don't think anything is taboo other than taking someone else's husband.  I remember thinking how terrible it was as an obvious, racist lie.  How do I not know why she looks so sad?  Am I dense?

She wants grandchildren.

I leave.  I need to be in my room.  I need to be behind the locks.  I pace a few times before pushing the wardrobe back in front of the door.  I still have some leftover food and bottled water.  I can just stay here for a while.  I can sit down and clear my mind and resolutely avoid thinking about what my mother and Lythalia want me to do.

I end up not needing the food.

I feel really sick.