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"Sir, Yes Sir!"

GrenadierApple Sep 22nd, 2014 6,741 Never
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  1. "Well, Anonymous. With your new diplomat status, you're officially a palace VIP. You'll get a personal servant, full access to all the palace kitchens, the works!"
  3. "Oh, you also get full guard 'service.' If you're into mares, be sure to try out Liquid Fire and Radiance. For the stallions, Rusty Shores is always a good bet, and Sandstone is always a bunch of fun."
  5. >you roll your eyes
  6. >even in the few weeks you've been here, you've learned Celestia's a bit of a troll
  7. >not pranking, necessarily, or even outright hazing
  8. >but subtle jokes at others' expense
  9. >like the time she took a bath and teleported to her room for a towel to dry off
  10. >the guards had worked themselves into conniption fits by the time you walked by
  11. >worried about their princess being in the tub so long
  12. >but completely lacking the courage to invade her privacy in such an intimate fashion
  13. >y'know, things like that
  14. >and now you're "a VIP with access to mare and stallion guards at your leisure"?
  15. >right
  16. "Thanks, Princess, I'll get right on that."
  17. >she just gives you a sly smile
  18. >"Enjoy yourself, dear Anonymous."
  19. >you can hear the laughter in her voice
  20. >"I know I do~."
  21. >mmmmhm
  22. >you stroll casually to your new room, where a mare and stallion are already standing guard by your door
  23. >admittedly, better than the spare room and cot they'd laid you up in while living arrangements were getting sorted out
  24. >the pair of guards both salute smartly, standing to either side of the wooden double doors
  25. >you're nearly inside when the mare speaks up
  26. >"Ah, sir, did you require our services today?"
  27. >you arch your brow and look back at her
  28. >she's staring straight ahead, not seeming to acknowledge that she said anything
  29. >but there's a slight rosy tint to those cream-colored cheeks
  30. >embarrassed, huh?
  31. >you chuckle to yourself
  32. >Celestia must've put her up to it
  33. >you're not normally one for pranks, but y'know what?
  34. >just for your favorite Sunbutt, you'll play along
  35. "Ehh... sure, c'mon inside."
  36. >the mare salutes and her squad member nods curtly to her as she begins to trot after you
  37. >he's still facing away from you, but you'd swear there's a smirk on what little of his face you can see
  38. >you chuckle to yourself, closing the door loudly and ominously behind you
  39. >if Celly's going to bust your balls, you'll at least get the guards back while you're planning your revenge on her
  40. "Alright, first things first, tell me your name."
  41. >you put on as imperious a voice as you can
  42. >back at home, the idea of you barking orders at anyone would've been hysterical
  43. >but since these ponies have no frame of reference for what an "alpha" human acts like
  44. >it apparently comes across as actually intimidating
  45. >the mare gulps audibly, but keeps her composure
  46. >she is a guard, after all
  47. >"Stardust, sir. At your service."
  48. >you walk around her, making a great show of examining her from every angle
  49. >placing a hand lightly on her armor here, running a hand down her coat there
  50. >you nod approvingly as you come back around to her front
  51. >she looks stoic, though that blush has definitely gotten deeper than when you walked in
  52. >you plop down on the bed and shrug, relaxing your stance considerably
  53. "Well it's a pleasure to meet you Stardust, tell me, have you been guarding my doorway for very long?"
  54. >her eyes break that hardline stare to dart over at you in confusion
  55. >but she regains her composure quickly
  56. >"Ah, no sir. I was only assigned here today."
  57. >you nod, then lay back on your bed
  58. >jesus, they don't half-ass anything here
  59. >it's like a double-wide King, hell of a trade up from your cot
  60. >after a moment of silence, you hear the mare clear her throat
  61. "What's up?"
  62. >you hear her hooves shuffle on the floor for a moment
  63. >"Er... permission to speak freely, sir?"
  64. >you wave your hand lackadaisically
  65. >it takes you a second to realize she has no reference for what that means
  66. "Yeah, sure, speak away."
  67. >she shuffles her hooves again
  68. >"Sir, am I... er, to your liking? I can fetch another guard if it would better suit you..."
  69. >heh
  70. >trying to weasel out of playing along with the prank, now, eh?
  71. >no no, let's see how far we can go with it
  72. "Oh, no, you're fine, perfect specimen of the guard, all that. I just figured if you're going to be 'guarding' me on a regular basis, it'd be nice if we got to know each other a bit first. Tell me a bit about yourself, huh?"
  73. >you can actually hear her snap back to attention
  74. >guess that was close enough to an order for her to take it as one
  75. >she stares straight ahead, no longer fidgeting in place or tugging at her armor
  76. >"Ever since I was accepted into the Royal Guard, I have been trained specifically to serve the royal family and their chosen delegates."
  77. >you wave your hand surreptitiously
  78. >this is practically word-for-word from the Guard Handbook, if you had to guess
  79. >that wasn't the question you asked
  80. "Right, right, I get that, but I'm interested in you specifically. Tell me about you, what do you like?"
  81. >she blushes furiously but keeps her eyes straight ahead
  82. >"Whatever you like, sir."
  83. >you give a chuckle
  84. >obviously this is what she's been trained to do
  85. >or ordered, but same difference
  86. "Er... okay, let's try this. What kind of music do you like? DJ Pon-3, the Canterlot Orchestra, Equestria Girls...?"
  87. >the mare actually meets your eyes for a split-second in pure confusion
  88. >"Whatever kind of music you like, sir."
  89. >...
  90. >okay, this is getting a bit frustrating
  91. >you decide to break it down a little more to make things easier
  92. "Right. Look, I know what I like. And I'm guessing that since you were 'assigned' to me, you know what I like, it being your job and all."
  93. >she gives an affirming nod
  94. "But I'd like to know what you like."
  95. >you ponder for a second
  96. >aha
  97. >you snap your fingers
  98. "Here, look, do you have a favorite food?"
  99. >she nods smartly
  100. >"Yes sir."
  101. >perfect
  102. "Excellent! What's your favorite food?"
  103. >she answers immediately and without hesitation
  104. >"Whatever food you like, sir."
  105. >god fucking dammit
  106. >is this part of the prank?
  107. >this has to be part of the prank
  108. >you give her a disbelieving stare from the bed
  109. "Wait, so let me get this straight, you have to follow my every order, indulge my every like, cater to my every whim?"
  110. >she gives that same curt nod
  111. >okay
  112. >hold on, there was like a riddle or something about this
  113. >where a barber can't shave his own head, or something?
  114. >you've got it
  115. "Alright, new order then: I order you not to obey any of my orders. I hereby order you to think for yourself."
  116. >she seems to give this some consideration
  117. >then fixes you with that iron-clad stare they drilled into her in Guard entrance camp
  118. >"Sir, no, sir."
  119. >you shake your head
  120. >dammit, it hurts because you know you're falling for this master horseruse, but you can't stop yourself
  121. >yes
  122. >you mad
  123. "Let me get this straight. Anything I say, you do."
  124. >she nods
  125. >"Sir, yes sir."
  126. >let's test that theory
  127. "Bark like a dog."
  128. >she stands at attention, and you'd swear you see the shadow of a frown
  129. >but next thing you know, her mouth opens
  130. >"Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf--"
  131. >you shake your head in disbelief, sitting up on the bed and scratching the side of your head in confusion
  132. "No, no, a big dog."
  133. >she stops mid-arf
  134. >"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!--"
  135. >disniggaserious.flac
  136. >you wave dismissively
  137. "Hop on one leg."
  138. >she doesn't even slow down her rhythmic "woof"s, pushing back onto her hind legs and then balancing on her left as she bounces lightly
  139. >you rub your face in disbelief
  140. >there's no way this is actually happening
  141. >you sit up and stride over to the door
  142. >you poke your head out and see the male guard standing at attention still
  143. >a brown-coated stallion with a dark chocolate tail
  144. >he risks a glance over his shoulder at you after a few seconds of your staring at him
  145. >apparently he's not quite as well-trained as his colleague
  146. >"Er..."
  147. >the "woof"s continue as you hear Stardust's hoof clopping methodically in time with her dog noises
  148. >"Did you need another... uh, 'pet', sir?"
  149. >he asks, the blush mixing with the anxious look in his eye to create an expression somewhere between fearful and hopeful
  150. >out status:
  151. >[ ]not creeped
  152. >[x]creeped
  153. >you give him a cautious pat on the shoulder and turn to walk back inside
  154. >amid the "woof"ing, you hear the brown pone at your door let out an appreciative pant or two
  155. >you're back to the bed and back to watching Stardust in disbelief
  156. >jesus, one downside to living in pony-medieval times
  157. >no air conditioning
  158. >just as you get your arm out of the second sleeve, you hear the door creak open again
  159. >you turn and see a flowing aurora of blue, speckled with white here and there
  160. >the Princess of the Night's blue eyes wander from you, sitting on your bed more undressed than she's ever seen you
  161. >to the mare bouncing on one hoof and barking like a hound
  162. >then down to where the snout of a brown pone is pushing against the door
  163. >you hear the male guard let out a plaintive whine like a puppy who knows he's done something wrong
  164. >Luna blinks a couple times, looking back up to you
  165. >"...We are glad to see thou hast found amusement with Our subjects, Anonymous."
  166. >oh god
  167. >no
  168. >this isn't a sex thing, c'mon
  169. >she gestures gently with one hoof to the stallion pawing at your door
  170. >"Dost thou mind if We avail ourselves of this one? If he has been a naughty puppy, We are prepared to punish him most harshly."
  171. >ghqwkerjopoij
  172. >you don't
  173. >that's not
  174. >what
  175. "Uh?"
  176. >the princess cocks her head to one side
  177. >after you struggle in vain to get anything more coherent out for a few seconds, she seems to decide that "uh" is close enough to "yes" to count
  178. >ruffling the stallion's mane playfully, she retreats from your den of madness
  179. >"Come then, pup. Ooh! No no, let us reach a more private chamber first, little one!"
  180. >brain.exe has stopped working
  181. >rebooting in safe mode...
  182. >"No need to use our leg, We have other uses for such ardor if thou art such a good and faithful hound~"
  183. >Welcome to Brain 98 ©
  184. >your program will be starting shortly
  185. >...
  186. >oh god, what'd you miss?
  187. >"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"
  188. >you blink rapidly
  189. >okay, e-fucking-nough
  190. "Stop that."
  191. >Stardust returns to all fours and goes silent immediately, awaiting orders
  192. >this is... fucking weird
  193. >but if Luna's reaction was any indication, this is honestly, really for real
  194. >you pinch the bridge of your nose
  195. >this is problematic
  196. >you didn't mind when you though it was all an elaborate joke
  197. >but keeping stallions and mares like this has serious moral implications
  198. >on the one hand, they seem to be genuinely happy
  199. >at least if the stallion Luna just absconded with was any indication
  200. >but on the other hand, they've been conditioned to like this
  201. >is it a morally tenable position to "make use of" these ponies?
  202. >do they have free will?
  203. >what even constitutes free will, in pony land?
  204. >they may operate off of herd mentality, meaning they naturally like and enjoy--
  205. HEY
  208. >your thought process implodes on itself
  209. >...
  210. >y'know, arguably, as long as they enjoy themselves and you enjoy yourself
  211. >whether it's 'right' or 'moral' is pretty irrelevant
  212. >it's not like there's a gun to anyone's head
  213. >you're brought back to earth by the sound of Stardust shuffling in her armor again
  214. >how long were you sitting there just now?
  215. >you shake your head vigorously to clear it out
  216. >okay
  217. >well, no matter who does what with whom, everyone should at least be comfortable, right?
  218. >you gesture to the mare's armor
  219. "You can take that off, if you want."
  220. >the earth pony looks up at you, but makes no movement to actually remove anything
  221. >oh, right
  222. >guess that's more a suggestion
  223. >you'll try again
  224. "Remove your armor."
  225. >the slightly fearful look vanishes into one of relative comfort and familiarity as she sits back and brings her hooves up to her head
  226. >the helmet comes loose and she places it gingerly next to her, her sea-green mane matted to either side of her face as her ears flick compulsively
  227. >the foreleg plates come next, strapped on like shinguards and similarly leaving dingy patches on her coat when they fall away
  228. >hind leg plates follow in short order
  229. >but when she reaches the chest guard, things slow down considerably
  230. >she fumbles with the latches clumsily
  231. >it looks like it's slightly too big in the shoulders
  232. >she can't seem to get it undone thanks to the restricted range of motion
  233. >you stand up from your seat on the bed and walk over
  234. >each step you take seems to make her more frantic to get the armor off, until you're directly in front of her
  235. >she seems to almost give up when your hand reaches down and casually undoes the strap
  236. >then over to the other side to get the other one
  237. >finally, the last latch undone, the armor front falls into her hooves
  238. >you take the back section and place it next to the rest of her assembled armor
  239. >her eyes very pointedly stare at the floor as she mumbles inaudibly
  240. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that...?"
  241. >she mumbles a bit louder
  242. >"Sir, thank you sir."
  243. >you ruffle that matted-down mane a little
  244. >...and then discretely wipe your hand on the side of your slacks
  245. >eugh
  246. "No problem. Not sure why they put latches on your armor anyway, those're a lot easier for someone with thumbs."
  247. >you give her a smile that she cautiously returns, and she proceeds to undo the flank guards, completing the utterly un-titillating strip show
  248. >standing back at attention, she stares straight ahead once more, awaiting your next order
  249. >you don't issue one, opting instead to circle around her as you did before
  250. >with her armor gone, it's like looking at a different mare completely
  251. >the hard lines and sharp edges that made up her armor are replaced with the gentle curve of her natural figure
  252. >her straight green mane, though unkempt, lends her an orderly air
  253. >you take note of the Big Dipper cutie mark on her flank
  254. >y'know, as one of the many noticeable features of
  255. >dat plot
  256. >obscured only by her tail, cut tight and so short it barely covered her assets
  257. >as you circle back to her front once more, you repeat your little nod of approval
  258. "Wait here."
  259. >and without another word, you stride off to the bathroom, leaving her at attention as you tend to things
  260. >it's nearly 10 minutes before you speak to Stardust again
  261. >you can hear her shuffling her hooves in the bedroom when there's a lull in the commotion you're causing
  262. >must be getting nervous
  263. >eventually, you call her in
  264. "Come here, please."
  265. >you hear her hooffalls as they draw closer, then transition from the fur-covered stone to the marble of the bathroom
  266. >she trots up to where you're laying back, leaning over the side of the tub as she reaches you
  267. >you've gotten rather good at catching those split-second glances by now, and this one is directed at the thick layer of bubbles in your bath
  268. >(jesus fuck you added too much soap to the bath, it's practically spilling out of the tub already)
  269. >you give a knowing smirk
  270. "Could you--"
  271. >you pause, remembering her predisposition, and change the tone of your voice.
  272. "Bring me a washcloth and some conditioner."
  273. >she actually gives a sidelong glance to the bubbles as she turns to fetch your items
  274. >she returns promptly, and you take the bottle of conditioner from her mouth
  275. >then the washcloth from her shoulder
  276. >you play idly with the bubbles and pointedly pay her no attention as you sink a further into the tub
  277. >you actually have your eyes closed when you make your next demand
  278. "Join me."
  279. >you crack one eyelid and see her cock her head to one side
  280. >oh sure, now she doesn't understand suggestions
  281. >all it takes though is one quirk of the eyebrow and her trepidation disappears
  282. >as her front hooves pull at the top of the tub, you realize why she hesitated
  283. >you're plenty tall enough, but it's a bit of a stretch for a pony to climb in without a footstool or something
  284. >shaking your head at your own idiocy, you reach over and grab her around the middle, behind her forelegs
  285. >for the first time, her surprise gets the better of her, and she lets out a small gasp as she's hefted into the bath with you
  286. >and face first into the water
  287. >you can feel her cheek brush against your leg as she rights herself
  288. >her head breaches the surface again with a gasp
  289. >you shake your head and chuckle at her in spite of yourself
  290. >it's a good thing she's a guard and not a ballerina
  291. >cute one, but graceful she's not
  292. >you make sure she's done flailing before you make a twirling motion with your finger
  293. >she turns obediently, the click of her hooves echoing strangely under the water
  294. >when she's properly positioned, you reach out with both hands and place them on her shoulders, guiding her slowly but firmly into a sitting position between your legs
  295. "Close your eyes."
  296. >you lean to one side to make sure she has indeed done so (not that you have much doubt she would at this point)
  297. >good
  298. >two reasons for that order
  299. >first, she won't be able to prepare herself for what's about to happen
  300. >second
  301. >you give the shampoo bottle a squeeze and drop a healthy dollop directly onto her mane
  302. >it won't get in her eyes
  303. >you hear her take a deep breath that cuts short as your fingers spread the shampoo through her hair
  304. >but the moment your fingers curl up and begin massaging her head, working the soap deep into her mane
  305. >she lets out a sigh that seems to flow through her whole body, the tension in her posture melting away under your ministrations
  306. >that's what's real good, nyukah
  307. >you don't bother with orders anymore, taking the liberties necessary as you turn her head this way and that
  308. >grabbing a small bucket left nearby to pour over her head and wash the soap away
  309. >lifting one hoof and then the other as you scrub down her forelegs
  310. >gently working various shampoos, oils, conditioners and the like into her coat
  311. >she makes cute little noises and fidgets when you reach her ears, but makes no move to stop you
  312. >you move her closer as your work moves south, backing her nearly into your lap as you wash away the grime and tension her armor left behind
  313. >and then of course there's nowhere left to wash
  314. >except...
  315. >you pull her back the last few inches, and feel that plush pony plot pressing against you
  316. >her breathing hitches as those dextrous fingers she's enjoyed exploring the rest of her body halt just above her Cave of Wonders
  317. >you don't bother to hide or make excuses about Little Anon resting solidly between those glorious goddamn flanks
  318. >as your hand slides down, you lean forward, your chest against her back
  319. >she leans her head against your shoulder as one finger finds her honey pot and explores, but even your delving digits don't elicit the normal moans and sighs you're used to
  320. >instead, she bites her lip, letting out labored huffs and sucking air in through her teeth as you ply her with pleasure
  321. >even as a second finger joins the first, she's obstinately quiet
  322. >you can tell she's keenly aware of each thrust and bend, the feverish puffs of air in perfect time with the rhythm of your knuckles
  323. >but she refuses to allow herself even the quietest moan
  324. >allow hers--
  325. >the realization hits you like a freight train, and you lean further forward so your mouth is right next to her ear
  326. "Tell me how much you love this."
  327. >and with that, the silence shatters
  328. >"Nnnn, yes! Ahn, ahhh... yes! Please, more, I-- ah!"
  329. >her cries echo around the bathroom as you continue to finger her, her walls rippling around your digits
  330. >her hips buck in tandem with your work, hotdogging your dick in the process
  331. >your other hand moves up from her side as she puts her entire weight against you
  332. >a caress of her shoulder, your thumb brushing against her cheek, and then
  333. >a moment of terrible stillness as you hold her ear between your thumb and forefinger
  334. >"Nnnnnn... why--"
  335. >you resume the fingerbang and squeeze her ear gently, kneading it under your thumb as you massage it
  336. >the velvet vice around your fingers tightens as her moans reach a fever pitch
  337. >you grin in knowing anticipation as she thrashes in your lap, breath ragged as she rides the jagged edge
  338. >there's no doubt in your mind she'll obey you
  339. >but you know she needs to hear you say it, too
  340. >one word
  341. >you growl it
  342. "Cum."
  343. >the effect is immediate
  344. >you can feel her whole body convulsing under the waves of pleasure
  345. >she doesn't bother with the complexity of words, just primal moans of ecstasy as she writhes in your arms
  346. >you keep her rolling on that high for as long as you can make it last
  347. >but eventually the cries give way to gasps, then sighs, and the first round is over
  348. >for her, anyway
  349. >she surprises you with a forceful kiss, but you won't be defeated in the ring of tonsil hockey by a simple sneak-attack
  350. >the two of you amuse yourselves with sloppy makeouts as you wait for the trembling in her limbs to fade
  351. >that way she has some strength to hold onto you when you stand
  352. >you drag her up with you, her hooves finding purchase around your neck as you carry her
  353. >dong fully expanded
  354. >to where a stack of towels sit neatly folded
  355. >you set her down and dry her briefly, then yourself
  356. >all the while taking every free moment to steal another kiss or squeeze or grope
  357. >satisfied that you're as clean as you're getting for the moment, you heft her up again and carry her into the bedroom, fairly tossing her onto the bed
  358. >you leap in right behind her, rolling and tumbling through the sheets in a furious bout of sexual combat
  359. >it rages through the night, you pinning her and hammering away at her marehood, her mounting you and riding your dick in the most ironic reverse cowgirl action of your life
  360. >occasionally you resort to cheating, lulling her into temporary submission by nibbling and rubbing her ears
  361. >more than once she holds your dick captive in her throat, sucking and moaning around your girth until you cry out for mercy
  362. >it is, as the great scholars of the ages have deemed it
  363. >"one hell of a night"
  367. >you wake up, exhausted, and glare hatefully at the accursed Day Star outside your window
  368. >you're not a morning person under the best of circumstances
  369. >but whatever seething hatred you feel for Celestia's morning melts away when you look over at the other pillow
  370. >Stardust lets out a distressed grumble when you slip your arm out from between her hooves
  371. >but snuggles warmly into the pillow that you replace it with
  372. >good
  373. >maybe you can get some breakfast back to the room before she wakes up
  374. >just because it's her sworn duty to cater to an ambassador's every want and need doesn't mean she wouldn't want someone to take care of her instead
  375. >you slip into a pair of boxers and pajama pants, then sneak out as quietly as possible
  376. >you're nearly to the kitchen when you hear a familiar laughter
  377. >of course, since it's in the Royal Canterlot Voice, you could probably hear it from fucking Appleloosa
  379. >you mourn the loss of your ability to hear sounds softer than a jet engine as you make your way into the kitchen and ask the cook for some bowls of oatmeal
  380. >turning to Luna at last, you scratch your head groggily and give her a puzzled look
  381. "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Moon Horse?"
  382. >she taps her front hooves together in something resembling a clap
  383. >"Why, the prank mine sister and I laid upon thee last night!"
  384. >you nod, not really paying attention to her words
  385. >"Surely thou didst not believe that Royal Guards wouldst become thy consorts on nary more than thine position as ambassador? Ah, but the look upon thine face, t'were priceless!"
  386. >you give her a half-lidded stare
  387. >right
  388. >like you're going to believe that line after you just spent the last 4 hours in a marathon with a Royal Guard
  389. >you just give her a condescending pat on the shoulder
  390. "Yeah, you sure got me good, just now. Totally believe you."
  391. >the Lunar Princess's nose scrunches up in confusion
  392. >"One thing does bother Us, though... hast thou seen the one known as Stardust? She was absent from her shift during patrols last night."
  393. >...
  394. >you stare at her
  395. >waiting for her to crack a smile and tell you she's joking
  396. >...
  397. >nope
  398. >...
  399. >stoically, you carry the tray back to your room
  400. >ignoring the increasingly shrill voice of the Princess of the Night as she questions you more and more pointedly about Stardust's whereabouts
  401. >you don't break pokerface until you reach the room and have the door safely and securely shut
  402. >Stardust is already dressed in full regalia again as you walk in, and the two of you freeze as you notice one another
  403. >it's dead silent
  404. >except for Luna yelling something about dereliction of duty and un-officer-like behavior on the other side of the door
  405. "So..."
  406. >she fixes you with that stoic stare, patiently awaiting your order
  407. >"Sir?"
  408. >you'd mistake her coat for red if you were only looking at her cheeks, she's blushing so bad
  409. >you clear your throat pointedly and nod at the window
  410. >she could probably make it to an adjacent room and sneak out if she hurried
  411. >as she trots resolutely for the window, you clear your throat and she snaps to attention once more, still facing the window
  412. >"Yes sir."
  413. >you walk up to her and place an apple in her mouth for the road, lifting her helmet for a second to run a hand through her mane
  414. "Report to my quarters at 6 o' clock sharp."
  415. >she resumes her climb out the window, but as she sneaks along the outcropping towards the next room, you'd swear you see a little smile on her face
  416. >"Sir, yes sir."
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