Airship - Today at 10:16 PM
whats on your mind?
Seishi - Today at 10:16 PM
umm just some things with honk, really.(edited)
finding it hard to relax around her
not that I like, have a thing for her or anything
but her personality is a bit...well, difficult for me to process sometimes
like how she dotes up people left and right, but then I sorta just feel like I exist and not much else sometimes.
like "hey I'll do this with you" and whatnot
Airship - Today at 10:18 PM
uhh I don't know, I think she treats you like she treats most. She has a few people close to he, maybe you're witnessing that
Seishi - Today at 10:18 PM
yeah i dunno, but like she'll try to go out of her way for some other people that she's not partiocularly close with, I think?
and today I get
"i got shit to do"
as soon as I joined your party
so I'm like ...
but apparently she has to help Herux
who is in Quiz's group anyway
which I'm...in
so was that plan to not include me or what
so yeah.
confusion
Airship - Today at 10:35 PM
what do you mean her personality is difficult to process?
Seishi - Today at 10:35 PM
i can't really tell what she's thinking. I find her hard to read, which is why I end up feeling like i might get left behind sometimes
i'm also terrible at explaining how I feel about anything
Airship - Today at 10:36 PM
oh
Well she's not known you for very long, but she's naturally quite friendly. It seems like you feel like she owes you friendship but she hasn't known you long enough really. It's more like actually you've been pretty aggressive towards her as i understand it, and seemingly at random. You know how sometimes you will take things too personally, she isn't really well-equipped to deal with that aggression and you must realise she doesn't deserve it. So yeah, she's a bit antsy around you atm because she's not sure when you'll next decide to get mad at her.
Seishi - Today at 10:41 PM
yeah I dunno, for some reason I'm too retarded to not make things worse even though I don't want to.
like i have no problem being relaxed and cool around the rest of you guys, or even when honk is resting in bed, but when honk is active around game/discord I get antsy as well
like I want to do stuff, will she include me in her plans, etc
by resting in bed I mean like on voice comms while laying down late at night
i don't get super paranoid around anyone else, for the most part
so I dunno why it's just her
it might be because she paid a lot of attention to me when she was first getting to know me, like holding my hand along and whatnot with FFXIV stuff
Airship - Today at 10:44 PM
Alright. Well she doesn't really understand why it's happening to her either. I guess you caught feelings for her. I understand that, because she's an amazing woman. But you know she's taken
Seishi - Today at 10:45 PM
I don't think it's the kind of feelings your thinking of. there's certainly something that tells me she's a bit more than an average friend but I already knew to not pursue anything like...a while ago, even before I knew about you and her.
Seishi - Today at 10:45 PM
I don't think it's the kind of feelings your thinking of. there's certainly something that tells me she's a bit more than an average friend but I already knew to not pursue anything like...a while ago, even before I knew about you and her
i mean you're not entirely wrong, is what I'm trying to say. it's more that i'm not used to girls being nice to me or giving me attention. it's been a long time
Airship - Today at 10:46 PM
You won't be surprised to hear this happens to her quite a lot tbh
Seishi - Today at 10:46 PM
heh. yeah
I'm just not sure how to get out of the downward spiral
I don't want to make anytihng more awkward
but from the sound of it, it seems like she's feeling as awkward as I am about everything
i'd rather not burn my bridges in this group just because I couldn't get over some personal shit
Airship - Today at 10:48 PM
It shouldn't have to come to that
Seishi - Today at 10:48 PM
right
Airship - Today at 10:54 PM
Ok well, obviously it's not worth persuing her. She's not into you, she feels very uncomfortable right now. I've asked her how she feels. I guess it's something where you need to pretty much just come to terms with it, move past it. Don't push her buttons on this one.
It all comes back to getting worked up over nothing really
it's still something that I'd advise considering counselling for, that sort of inner issue is an extremely common thing to seek help with. I wouldn't tell someone to get help unless I really believed it
Seishi - Today at 10:55 PM
i see.
yeah I never considered pursuing any feelings further; i don't really have anything to offer her, even if I wanted to and there was the slightest glimmer of hope that she'd be interested.
i'm iffy on professional counselling. i've seen a few people over the years, but nothing really stuck. I had a great doctor years ago when I lived in a small town, but not anymore.
i'm not even sure what I'd ask, regarding this thing in particular.
in any case, I'll do my best to avoid any kind of emotional conversation with her
as long as that can lead to a good path
Seishi - Today at 11:00 PM
like if there's nothing left to discuss with her then yeah no point in making things worse
i feel like shit for having things escalate like they did and not taking care of it in a better way
Airship - Today at 11:01 PM
Yeah I get that she's very firendly up front. I don't know this whole situation is very confusing for me
at least from my perspective
Seishi - Today at 11:01 PM
same really
NEW MESSAGES
Seishi - Today at 11:02 PM
i just don't want it to lead to a path where she active avoids me
because then it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy for me(edited)
Airship - Today at 11:05 PM
Yeah. It's like, if you accuse her of actively trying to avoid you out of the blue and get mad at her, then she's definitely more likely to do it
Seishi - Today at 11:05 PM
ya
Airship - Today at 11:05 PM
self fulfilling prophecy