THE DROPLET WHO TRIED TO MAKE SENSE OF THE OCEAN - Yehudit RS Baves

THIS PASTEBIN REGROUPS MOST POEMS WRITTEN BY caffeinatedComposer UNDER THE PEN NAME Judith RS Baves.
SEVERAL OF THESE HAVE SINCE BEEN REVISED BUT ARE PRESENTED AS THEIR ORIGINAL VERSIONS HERE.

1. MEMENTO_ February 1st, 2020
"I was born a roving seed,
Carried by the wind
To some auspicious land.

Then in a glade I was freed,
Yielded by the wind
To Earth's nurturing hand.

Strong and proud as pine I grew,
Braved the elements,
Rose over canopy...

But the wind around me blew
Cold, he who was once
My shroud in infancy.

Then shone the Sun,
And my soul at last knew rest.
And when day's done,
And she warms other forests,
My weary heart endeavours to recall
The honesty of her embrace;
This truth I learn as her rays fall
Fondly upon my jaded face."

2. TIGER'S EYE_ February 3rd, 2020
"From my cheerless abode, I saw the Sun rise;
How easily her dagger shuns the shade;
Light shines again upon the path from which I strayed.

And as I fare unfolds an ocean of snow,
Vast and placid under her flaming crown;
I breathe again, and in the pale, my sorrows drown.

As they vanish in obsidian fumes,
An island rises from the frozen sea;
Its faraway shores as sombre as ebony.

But no grief does their darkness inspire in me,
And thought the bitter taste of ponent night
Still lingers on my tongue, merciless oath of time,

I sail onwards."

3. I WILL NOT LOOK OUT THE WINDOW TONIGHT_ February 3rd, 2020
"I will not look out the window tonight.
What is there to see?
The end of quiet below? The carefree stars above?
None of this speaks to me...
I will not look out the window tonight."

4. SUNRISE_ April 1st, 2020
"I followed the sound of your breathing
In the quiet of early morning
Out of Morpheus' trickery.

Awake and eyes closed, we kept lying;
You hair was soft against my skin...
I kissed your forehead lazily.

Then in the frail heat of sunrise,
You raised your head and, in your eyes,
My reflection smiled back at me.

Our loving gaze in time suspended
Could bring eternity to shame.
To think the bow nearly misaimed;
To think today hasn't yet started..."

5. LAMENT OF A LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER_ May 16th, 2020
"I would shun the Ocean;
Her raging waves; what lurks below;
The ominous sight of shipwrecks...

I would survey the land;
Its lush forests; its mountains high;
The promise of more cordial skies...

I'd yield to the call of Earth;
Her sweet murmur; her sincere song;
But my heart's shackled in the depths...

Here on the shores I will remain.
The sand is warm under my feet;
The crashing waves look fair to me...

It's not so lonely on the coasts,
With your roaring as company
Outspeaking the yearning in me.

I could settle for this;
The ceaseless soothing; the healless longing;
My anchor in a world I wish I could forget..."

6. THIS IS NOT A POEM_ October 2nd, 2021
"I hate this world
Yet here i am
Fighting for it

I keep reminding myself
"You must do this for love"
But the loudest voice in my heart is rage

I was never taught how to keep the balance
Between taming my inner fire
And letting it fuel me

I keep showing teeth
But my jaw's starting to hurt
No bark, no bite, just a weary facade

I'm tired of being strong
I'm scared of being weak

I hate this world
Yet here i am
Fighting for it"

7. THE SHIPWRIGHTS_ October 8th, 2021
"Give me a ship, and I'll fix her
Not by myself, not in a day

Sure, people might have told you
That it's perfectly fine
That there is no need to worry

But I can hear her creaking
I can feel that the inside of her masts
Are infested with termites
I see her sails
As thin as the frost on the lawns

Give us a ship, and we'll fix her

Might take us a year
Might take us twenty
Might take us so long
That our children will have to finish the job
But we'll fix it

Sure, people might have told you
That it works just as good as new

But we can see she's hanging by a thread
Every trip that she sails
Every harbour she shelters
Might be the last
And you won't know what hit you

Give us your ship, and we'll fix her
By the sweat of our brow
By the rage in our blood
By the love in our hearts
Hell, we'll make her better
Than you ever saw her,
Than they even sold her

Sure, people might have told you
"They don't know a damn thing
About how ships work"
"They'll sooner sink all of us"

But we know what ships need
And we know all the captains
All the commanders and admirals
Only get ships to make themselves greater

They would rather scuttle another vessel
Than see her thrive instead of theirs
So cruel and addictive a pleasure
To deny others the right to sail
To be the biggest and loneliest of galleons
In the vast and empty ocean
For to possess is to be
In their uncaring mind

How can these saboteurs
Tell you that your ship is fine
What good are they to sailors
When all that they wish to see
Is her bow underneath the waves

So give us your ship, and we'll fix her
Might take us a year
Might take us twenty
Might take us so long
That you decide to help us finish it

And maybe some day,
You'll even tell a stranger:
"Give me your ship, and I'll fix her""

8. I AM_ October 20th, 2021
I am the swirls above a hot coffee mug
I am the sound of thunder in the distance
The lightning that turns your bedroom white

I am a thousand flags wildly flailing
And the windstorm that tears them off their poles

I am the song of water in a dark cave
Older than the dawn of life
I am the droplets on the stone

I am the sun
Turning purple and flashing white
I am the black disk that remains
Inside of your naked eye

I am the clouds in the summer sky
Tainted pink by the blood of the dying day

I am rays filtering through closed blinds
And the wavering light of distant stars

I am a raging heart bursting with love
I am a fire in the night
I am the strangers on the street
The vulture and the carcass
The mountains and each grain of sand
I am the droplet and the ocean

I am the shade between the trees
I am a blade forged in darkness

I am the notes under my hands
I am the dragons in my mind.

9. BECAUSE_ October 27th, 2021
Because I have seen the world as they have built it
Because I have seen the law they signed up to enforce
Because I have seen scarcity as they manufactured it
Because I am sick of being forbidden to vent about my oppression
Because I have seen the lambs to the slaughter
Because I have known the victims of rapists
Because I have read the pages of our burnt history
Because I am comfortable where so many are not
Because I will struggle like my elders before me
Because I have to earn the life I did not ask for
Because I have been trapped in others' view of my body
Because I have seen the blood of too many
Because I wish I had the power to end lives that end lives
Because I have seen the rich man go to space
Because I have seen the sweat of the poor
Because I am made to feel a stranger in my own species
Because I am made to feel an alien on my own planet
Because I cannot stand the voices in my head
Because I cannot hear the voices of my fellow
Because I have never known life as it should have been
Because I will never know life as it should have been
Because I can build life as it should have been
Because I dare to hope and dream
Because I want to love and live
Because I tire of yearning
Because I want no one to hear a bomb
Because I am going to die
Because I cannot sleep
Because I am angry.

10. LOVE IS..._ October 20th, 2022
I have known no sweeter torment than the dreams of time spent with you.
There is an ocean of tenderness in my soul I am dying to drown you in,
A pyre you light up in my eyes,
Like the sunrise betrays the night.
My heart is in my throat from trying to embrace you.

I have whispered your name until my breath became a storm
So my song could resound in thunder,
So my words would intertwine with the cold and soft autumn wind,
So that it may caress your skin on behalf of my longing.

My joy,
Unwilling architect of my grief,
Wound of Cupid,
The sweetest wine to fog my thoughts;
Unleash my tongue, o, confident of my doubts and fears,
And let my lips be the chalice of your tears.
Share with me the rivers of burden.
Be my home as I am yours.

11. LIKE FIRE TO THE NIGHT_ January 28th, 2023
I call you "my sunshine",
You call me "my whole world"
And I am defeated
I tell you that your love sustains me
And you tell me "you give me purpose"
And I stand disarmed
With no other choice but to tell the world

12. EMPIRE_ February 14th, 2023
Welcome to the graveyard of your dreams
Watch the tombstones piling up to build an altar to my greed
I look down from my fortress at your hell hounds
Famished and pathetic echoes of the world I've gagged and bound

Welcome to the kingdom of assassins
Sacrifice your shrivelled soul for my atrophied heart to feed
I look up to the heavens with a grin
Build stairs with your gold-coated bones, leave Peter at the gates to bleed

I'll tire you into non-existence
Until you die for my convenience
I'll make you think that's how it is
I'll make you blame the victims

I'll suck your rage dry of all resistance
Sing you to sleep into sweet ignorance
You'll dream of running the scam
I have, therefore I am

13. IN DEFENSE OF..._ February 16th, 2023
I hold my head in my hands
And look at the time
Only to notice
That a clock stopped ticking

I let my eyes turn to blood
Rocking back and forth
We can't even mourn
With grace for the living

I let my heart rot into fire
Put another log in
Let me make it true
That I am a problem

I spit in the face of the sane
And look at the time
No one fucking cares
That a clock stopped ticking

14. UNTITLED_ February 19th, 2023
I find my butchness in the scarred surface of the Moon and her reluctance to show her hidden self
I shine my brightest away from the sight of most, only amongst my fellow stars
They are so far away from me, but when I take a step back, I see that, like her, I am not alone in the night sky

I find my butchness in the strength of the Earth and her unwavering love for mankind
I have suffered at the hands of the people I was meant to nurture
I have grown to suffer bouts of indifference, but I always remember that life is worth protecting

I find my butchness in the scorching warmth of the Sun
I find it in the loyalty of dogs, in the independence of cats
I find it in the sturdiness of the trees

I find my butchness in the rage of thunder
I find it in the gem-laden depths of the world
I find it in my quietest tears, in my loudest and earnest laughs
I find it in my heaviest heart

My butchness is an unconditional connection to the universe
My butchness is anger born out of love
My butchness is the will to persevere, to live, to care, to try
My butchness is saying "I will leave behind a better world"
Always a shield, sometimes a sword
Always a bark, and a bite if needed

Butchness, to me, is the hardest thing that has ever been worth it

15. ימים נוראים - א: REFLECTIONS_ September 16th, 2023
א. The thing is that the majority of atheists raised in a hegemonic christian society
Have been spoonfed this vision of G-d as a big bearded man in the clouds
And as such, ridicule believers of other faiths, when it's not necessarily the conceptualisation they have of Him

ב. In Judaism, G-d is unique and impossible to apprehend by a human mind.
There is no way of describing Him meaningfully.
"There's no big bearded man in the sky" is a loaded argument
That simply falls flat.

ג. I, myself, have long thought that I did not believe in G-d
Because of the pervasiveness of this idea.
I am, in a sense, an "atheist"
Because my attempts to make sense of G-d
Are much more deistic in approach than theistic.

ד. I think there is a parallel to be drawn
Between how I think of G-d
And the conceptualisation of Norse gods
That Jorge Luis Borges attributes to the heathen:
Þórr is as much the god of thunder as he is thunder itself.
מלך העולם is also העולם.

ה. G-d in my mind almost has an eldritch quality to Him.
At some point, things get "too":
Too much, too big, too small, too abstract, too present.
We can't even begin to "understand how to understand" them.
G-d is omniscient,
G-d is omnipotent,
Because G-d is everything.

ו. Jorge Luis Borges has also said
That "the fatherland" is "none of us" and simultaneously "all of us".
We are the droplets.
The droplet is not the ocean. The droplet can never hope to become the ocean.
The droplet cannot even begin to understand the idea of the ocean.
G-d is the ocean.
The ocean is aware of every droplet, for each droplet is aware of itself.
The ocean knows what every droplet knows,
Can do what each droplet can.
The ocean is every droplet.

16. ימים נוראים - ב: Ô FOURBE ATTRAIT DU SAULE PLEUREUR_ September 16th, 2023
Ô fourbe attrait du saule pleureur par la fenêtre de la classe.
J'observe comme les dragons blancs survolent tes bras puissants, ta chevelure d'émeraude.
J'observe comme la pointe du beffroi perce le toit du bâtiment
Qui défie ce marriage de jade et d'aigue-marine.
J'observe comme cette pointe s'érige orgeuilleuse, victorieuse;
Comme elle me nargue, preuve de l'hégémon, banal symbole d'un rejet mutuel.

Ô fourbe attrait du saule pleureur par la fenêtre de la classe.
Ô tentation des chemins de la pensée, ô pièges de colère et de désespoir.
La raison me vient.
Ce monde qui punit l'amour de la Terre,
Ce Satan qui n'est que trop beau
Et vit dans les méandres des fleuves de mon esprit
Dont la source jaillit du plus beau tableau du Créateur.

Ô fourbe attrait du saule pleureur par la fenêtre de la classe.
Le Roi est éclatant de beauté,
Mais ses enfants s'interdisent l'union de par leurs corps et âmes.
Combien de fois encore me sentirai-je étrangère en ces contrées qui m'ont vue naître?

Je suis fille d'Israël.
Comment y trouver ma place quand jamais les murs de Jérusalem
N'entendirent mes rires et mes pleurs?
Je suis héritière d'un sang qui m'a haï.
Je suis amoureuse d'une histoire dont je n'ai pas hérité.

Ô fourbe attrait du saule pleureur par la fenêtre de la classe.
Que ne donnerais-je pour être l'oiseau dans tes branches?
Que ne donnerais-je pour connaître cette douce et tacite vérité,
Celle de la nature acceptant ma vie sans conditions?

ברוך אתה יי אלוהינו מלך העולם, בורא פרי האבל שלי.

17. ימים נוראים - ג: תיקון עולם_ September 17th, 2023
Their ears are deaf to my calling myself.
They evoke their empire, and I remember our ruins.

Can I find it in my heart to forgive
Their blaming of my love on the sweetness that called to me?

Can You find it in Your heart to forgive
My losing hope, knowing that I find it back each day?

Is my choosing of the grief of Your people
Enough to redeem my Moabites,
My ancestors, my heritage,
That which I should not bring myself to reject?

Will You find it in Your heart to forgive
The guarding of a shul's doors?

Will you hear my plea, pretentious as it feels,
To shine through me,
Whether target,
Whether beacon?

18. ימים נוראים - ד: YELLOW HEART_ September 19th, 2023
Good Lord, if there is a grave, I will kneel before it.
I was soft to her yet my words were as rusty nails.
My judge, her hope, I confess, I have squandered.
I was as cruel a lover as I was great a poet.

Good Lord, if her ashes fills the air, let them purge my lungs.
I pray the lesson burns like the threat of damnation.
My judge, I will not hide behind my reckless youth;
I will bear the burden of past hypocrisy.

Good Lord, the pain of distance seemed righteous to me.
I leave it now within Your hands to have her soul bask in Your Light.
My judge, will You show her the remorse of a fool?
Will Time be the messenger of my return?

My lord, it is easy to regret, hard to learn.
Fair judge, will You lead me to her answer?

19. ימים נוראים - המתנה_ September 25th, 2023
In my dream,
They said to me:
Still she lives.

Just a dream;
They called to me.
Still she haunts.

Is it vain
To see in this
A message?

Heard, my pain,
My grief and guilt;
Righteous theft.

On this day,
She thought of me -
Still she cares;

On the Way,
Has pardoned me -
Graceful gift.

20. FRAGMENTS_ October 4th, 2023
20.a. DIRT_
The more your eyes try to put me down,
The more intently I'll walk.
I dug myself out the dirt.
You're not putting me back in.

20.b. LORD, THY PAINTBRUSH_
Lord, Thy paintbrush
Reveals the dance of white dragons
In the bleeding skies of a summer evening,
And my eyes must burn
From the white light of the teacher's presentation.

20.c. JUIVE_ February 28th, 2024
Juive par amour −
Par amour, et rien d'autre.

20.d. גשם_ April 24th, 2024
Le soleil à l'agonie
Change la pluie en or

21. מים_ May 2nd, 2024 /
כל היסתוריותנו שנאנו מתישהו
כי הן לעולם לא תוכלנה למנוע את קיומנו
לנו מגיע לחיות
לכן אנו צריכים לחיות
אל תישיכחי שלנו מגיע לחיות