I have never felt so shit because of someone in my life but i never loved someone this much in my life. I fucked up so many times its endless but id never ever not come back trying no matter how much i hated doing it. Yesterday you left me frazzled in tears crying and struggling and went to sleep when i gave up countless nights for you. When i freaked out and almost broke down because the fear of losing you instead of comforting me i felt affirmed that im at a position of mercy just because i want you to love me. Its so much easier playing csgo playing overwatch but if i  did the same to you, play without informing you or do anything without letting you know you would have been pissed to the core of me. That wasnt even the issue i never got mad at you for that but the least you can do to me is assure me rather than wtfing me and making me feel like if i leave you its a no big deal thing. Theres no excuse for what i did at all but to feel completely shunned and not wanted because of it? I love you and you are an amazing, ambitious person with a great heart but i dont think were made for each other or if we were i guess you didnt give a shit anymore. I dont even think you loved me i feel like you were more in love with the idea of it because somehow im submissive. Honestly, it hurts knowing i ended this knowing i wont and havent meant shit to you. Hopefully you could give your next girl more than half the shit you give me and leave me with the most fucked up impression about completely letting myself go for someone and giving them my heart. I wish you well in your life and hope you a full recovery for your eyes. And for the record, it was never my instinct that let me not staying with you, maybe saying it was in order to hope you believe me wouldve made things better but it didnt. It was just me a normal person trying to follow a set of rules that were given because not once did my insticts ever lead me to anyone besides you. But i dont think even your instincts or rational state of mind is even slighty geared towards me.