Jump 073: Captain Planet

Jump 073: Captain Planet

Location: Washington, D.C.
Age: 32
Identity: [-100] Eco-Villain
Drawbacks: [+500] Competence, Hitler Hate Beams

[Free]      Element: Radiation
[100/1400]  Heart Is An Awesome Power
[300/1400]  Elemental Aegis
[500/1400]  Reduce Reuse Recycle
[900/1400]  The Power Is Yours
[Free]      Pollution Palate
[1000/1400] Mastered Material Engineering
[1400/1400] Power Ring
[Free]      Money Maker

"This hand of mine glows with an awesome POWEEEEER!"
>"...I think that's gamma radiation, President Valentine."
"Oh sure, ruin all my fun why don't you Captain Planet. Also no that's just a hologram."
>"Wait. What?"
"Electromagnetic radiation is a wide spectrum, visible light's a part of it. You know, light pollution?"
>"...Huh."

So apparently, Dr. Blight somehow screwed with the time stream and disrupted things. Instead of Hitler blowing his brains out in a bunker at the end of the second world war, he was replaced by a body double after he disappeared back in '44, and he himself tagged along and got brought into the future. (And was rocking a Fu Manchu instead of the Hitler-stache.)

Would you care to guess how much this UTTERLY fucked up everything in Europe and abruptly destabilized the world when, amidst the destruction of the Berlin Wall, Germany suddenly came under the shadow of a renewed totaliarian Nazi regime that blitzkrieged its way across Europe?

If your answer was 'remaining NATO and Warsaw Pact nations pointing every single nuke at Germany after Hitler annexes everything from France to Poland', you were right.

"Oh no, the Planeteers are here. Again. Because the Secret Service is useless and FRANK IS ABOUT TO GET FIRED. What can I do for you gentlemen?"
>"We're here to stop you! That law will only cause trouble!"
"Yes. Stop my evil scheme. Of signing a bill that Congress passed. What trouble will it cause, again?"
>"Nuclear power is bad! The waste can't be stored safely and could pollute the environment for generations to come-"
"Yes it can, it's just not easy."
>"-and nuclear accidents can release massive amounts of radiation-"
"Fourth-generation reactors are the safest that have ever been designed."
>"-to say nothing of the proliferation of nuclear weapons!"
"You... these aren't breeder reactors, the designs we're funding are molten salt or lead-cooled which actually should make them less likely than ever to work for enrichment."
>"But-"
"Look, kids. I've got a PhD in nuclear physics and I minored in law. Next time, schedule an appointment and I'll be happy to explain in detail why weaning America off of coal and natural gas is a net benefit, but after I sign this I have an urgent meeting at the Pentagon in regard to a certain radioactive terrorist with a nasty skin condition that I'm sure you're familiar with. He was spotted very recently on a remote island and the Pacific Fleet is not too far away."
>"Duke Nukem!"
"Dean LaMarche, alias Duke Nukem, yes. Actually, if you'd care to accompany me, I'm sure Admiral Perry would value your input as you've dealt with him directly..."

Propagating nuclear power is not a bad thing as long as you can ensure that the plants are very well-guarded - a necessity in a world where you have the occasional superhuman individual who can literally walk in and steal fuel rods from the cooling pond while shrugging off small arms fire. Getting lawmakers to allocate adequate funding and incentives to research it, well, that's probably the most unbelievable part of what I'm doing here. More unbelievable than Duke Nukem running around irradiating islands and whatnot.

(The Pacific Fleet sailed and dealt with him, by the way. Apparently the SEALs were ineffective, but suffered no losses. He was less blasé about the destroyers shelling the bunker he'd built, after that whole Captain Pollution fiasco. I'll accept no pretenders to the throne of the regent of radiation, thank you very much.)

>"We know you're up to some kind of scheme!"
"Of course I am."
>"See, you even admit it!"
"Yes. I'm scheming to be reelected while I ramp up the war preparations. The Nazi army is projected to be on the march in a matter of months and we have to stop them."
>"That... actually makes sense."
"Exactly, Mr. Wheeler. It's the same reason why I keep pushing research and applications for radiation. When used responsibly it's a boon."
>"And when it's not?"
"Depends on what kind of radiation. Light pollution keeps you from being able to see the Milky Way at night, electromagnetic pollution keeps you from tuning in your radio or getting a signal, and if Hitler has his way the world will be covered in radioactive fallout, which is its own unique kind of pollution."
>"Yeah. Wish Captain Planet could just march in and lay him out."
"Ah, but Ma-Ti could tell you why that doesn't work, no?"
>"Yes. The same reason he does not like you."
"No, no. My heart is cold, it's true - I am a bitter man, and a politician. But Hitler... he embraces it. He wants to spread his hate across the world. Captain Planet may not like me, but he could physically bear to be in Hitler's presence, nor that of his lieutenants."
>"I see."
"Besides, I can't hate Captain Planet any more than I hate you kids. You're trying to make the world a better place. I like the world, it's where I keep my stuff."

Nazi Germany 2: Electric Boogaloo. Nations braced themselves for conflict, Hitler put down battle lines while blockaded at sea and by the nations around it. The USSR was on the brink of collapse but rallied and survived into the late nineties because of the imminent threat to their west, and their military machine began to ramp up. And then... Hitler found out that his was not the only nation that could blitzkrieg, when a coordinated attack was staged on ALL fronts. T-72 and T-80 tanks rolled west while Abrams and Challengers rolled east, hitting the Nazis like the fist of an angry God. Amphibious assaults and airstrikes hit the coasts. The skies were darkened by the number of fighters flying in with the latest generation packages, striking the Luftwaffe from outside their effective range with missiles. Special forces teams on the ground struck deep and secured nuclear weapons to ensure they couldn't be used. And where they couldn't go, more... esoteric forces were deployed.

Hitler came ready for World War II to resume and instead twenty-first century warfare came to him.

Communication lines were severed, the continent was blanketed in wide frequency jamming as military forces advanced and freed a grateful population from Nazi control. You see, this time around there wasn't a Nazi party - there was just Hitler and his jackbooted thugs who certainly fought on a much less effective level than professional soldiers. He spread hate like a virus, but getting rid of that was as simple as restoring the freedom of those who had been conquered.

Hitler himself was dragged to the Hague, put on trial, and put out of humanity's misery.

>"I was wondering when you would show up here."
"Hope Island is a beautiful place. Don't suppose you get much in the lines of tourists here. What should I call you? Whoopi? Guinan?"
>"Gaia, please. I don't know who those are."
"Ah, of course. My apologies - you just remind me very much of someone else."
>"So why are you here?"
"I just thought I'd drop in and say hello."
>"No grandstanding? No threats? I thought you were a villain."
"Oh, I am the very worst kind of villain. The kind of villain who wants to leave an honorable legacy behind him."
>"That's not how villains work, you know."
"Who's the villain here, you or me? I'm a very good villain."
>"Well, the world's actually starting to do a bit better. I feared humanity would doom it."
"Oh, we've got a long way to go, but pushing cheaper, cleaner power - and room temperature superconductors to carry it? That in itself will go far. Hilariously, the war did more good than harm."
>"Thousands dead, and it did more good?"
"Sure. I hate to be that guy... but it brought the world closer together. That opens a lot of doors. Rebuilding industries and infrastructure in Europe that might not otherwise be touched, giving examples of what to do for developing nations. Treating them better, perhaps. Incentives to keep a closer eye on other governments that might persecute their citizens. Heavy tech investments, with an emphasis on the reliable over the shiny."
>"Interesting. Well, we'll see how it goes."
"Without me, I fear. Take care of the planet, Gaia; I've got other worlds to see yet. Perhaps I'll come back someday."