Handling Difference

I said this on a PSO2 stream that I did recently, but given recent happenings that I can see on my Twitter feed, I think it needs reiterated.

The main line that I'd said was:
"I think that life is too short to hate people because they're different."

This goes for many aspects of life, but at the moment it applies most to peoples' approach to those who are transgender, and those who are autistic.

Not being able to wrap your head around why somebody is different from what tends to be considered the norm is no reason to automatically shun them and spew hateful things about them.  I don't care *who* you are; it isn't your place in life to determine how someone feels they identify, or their choice of hobbies due to their interests.  That's like trying to dictate to someone which flavors of ice cream are acceptable to enjoy.  Being a reasonable individual myself, I can't wrap my head around why anybody would bother with hate speech; it makes life harder for everyone, including the hater, because now you've earned peoples' ire for hating a particular subset of people.  It can only disservice all involved.

Every time I see somebody post hateful comments about trans or autistic individuals, it befuddles me to no end.  All I end up thinking is "This helps no one... you do realize that all you're doing is harming the situation, and making yourself a target for what you've said because you're being an ignorant asshole, right?"  It shocks me every time I see just how ignorant and narrow-minded people can be.  If something isn't in their little comfort bubble of what they think "normalcy" is, oh no, they can't *possibly* try to understand it, they have to hate it, because trying to understand is too hard and requires effort on their part.

Yes, some effort is required, absolutely.  Those who are alltistic or cisgender can be confused and taken aback by seeing such stark difference in others, and it takes some time to understand those who are autistic or transgender.  Some are more open-minded and become accepting more swiftly than others - there are those who are accepting simply because they're reasonable individuals, or those who just need sat down once and have some basics explained, and they're good.  Others are hard-headed and can take years to understand and come to terms.  The important part is the effort - that we try.

What a lot of haters don't seem to understand is, these individuals have *already* gone through hell before you even STARTED making your hateful comments.  Seriously, think about it.  When they realized something was different, and got it figured out, there were a million worries before you ever came along.  There's the initial realization when they confirm the situation: "I do, it's true... I feel/act this way."  Then it gets worse.  "Can I tell anyone?  What's my family going to think?  Are my friends going to hate me?  Once it's public, I'm going to have to deal with random people hating me just because I'm different."  Just deciding who to tell, making up their mind if or when to go public about the matter, the mere thought of knowing what you're going to have to deal with... it's already a crushing weight, all because of the way society tends to handle those who are different.  I'd say, if nothing else, if you can't make a decision to not-hate because they're different, consider making a decision to not-hate because they've already been through the wringer when they first figured out what was going on with them.

And while worrying over whether to announce their differences to the world is a worrisome matter in itself, those who let the world know obviously do not face a reduced share of issues.  For every thing that you *do* see them deal with - for example, online hate posts or weaponized jokes - there are a dozen others that are more private that you *don't* actually see them handle, such as at-home matters, or things that happen while they're out at the store.  There are also the ignorant people who have that "want-to-help" attitude, but don't actually know much (or anything) about the situation, but assume that they do, and so they annoyingly give bad advice, and still hurt the situation rather than help it.

Speaking of annoying assumptions, that's an entire field unto itself.  Ignorant people who love to act like they know everything about what "autism" or "being transgender" means or encompasses, and treat all cases like they're the same sorry thing, when they aren't.  That attitude does not help either; it's like giving lung cancer a treatment for brain cancer; it's that ignorant.  Every individual is different - even if the base thing that's going on is the same, two individuals will exhibit it differently, and make different efforts to cope with it.  And some of them handle that better than others; some are stronger and have a better handle on things, and some become shy and reclusive.  Thus, one cannot simply treat, for example, all aspies (such as myself) the same way; every person must be handled uniquely.

And of course, there are those of us who overcome these obstacles and go on to do great things.  We invent concepts and objects that the more "normal" among us would not have if we weren't the way we are.

So it all comes down to another thing I like to say, something Celes once said in Final Fantasy 6 pertaining to taking some time to observe the individual yourself before making any decisions:
"Use your own eyes, and then decide."