AA

<Averian> what if I told you that I don't care whether people are upset at me or not? I don't have sympathy because you were trying to blame me for something I had nothing to do with.
<Averian> see this from my side
<Averian> why would I be nice to a group trying to lynch me?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Why should we be nice to yeh if 1) we think yeh helped cause Mal to off herself and 2) yeh have been a TOTAL ASSHOLE to us all fuckin night?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Yeh didn't even say yeh were sorry fer a damned thing. no real apologies.
<Averian> there's no possible way I would be part of that shit
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Sez you.
<Averian> I hardly interacted with them
<Averian> in at least months
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> even if yeh weren't involved in it, yeh have still been a huge asshole to me an a lot o people ternight, so fuck off.
<Averian> I don't fucking care
<Averian> I deserve to be an asshole
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh get what yeh get because of tonight, not what yeh might have done.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> no
<Averian> because you're treating me like shit
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> no yeh don't.
<Averian> for something I didn't do
<Averian> yes I do.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> I am treatin yeh like shit fer what yeh did tonight.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> nothin more.
<Averian> I wouldn't have even been in there if it weren't for you guys blaming me for this
<Averian> so the wrath is all your own
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> nah, see
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> you were th one who was shittin on people at the first place.
<Averian> oh really?
<Averian> before I came in, vex was talking shit
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Yeh were th one who started talkin shit about how egocide aint real, how yeh don't care about other people's feelins, and yeh never apologized even fer hurting someone.
<Averian> why should I apologize for having opinions?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yah shouldn't. yeh should apologize fer hurting people.
<Averian> with my opinions?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but yeh don't give a shit if yeh hurt people, do yeh
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> is not yer opinions
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> is how yeh express yer opinions.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but yeh don't care if other people are hurt
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so fuck off.
<Averian> and shouldn't they apologize to me for blaming me for a suicide?
<Averian> see there's two sides to this
<Averian> you're seeing one
<Averian> and demonizing me
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> this aint about blaming you fer th suicide. yeh coulda just said that yeh were worry people feel that way, that yeh didn't feel like it was your fault, and yeh coulda not made fun o people fer feelin hurt.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but yeh did.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so yeh get no quarter.
<Averian> I know people felt that way
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an yeh didnt care
<Averian> gabe said it cjero said it, multiple people said it
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so fuckit.
<Averian> I do care about my name being slandered
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh dont care if how yeh say things hurts people, so fuck yerself.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh could respond to that without bein a dick
<Averian> I wouldn't have said shit if it weren't given to me first
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but yeh decided to be a dick
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh took th low road, dinnah get pissed wit mud on yer boots ferit.
<Averian> and no one took the high road
<Averian> they all came with me
<Averian> so why be mad at just me?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> because you were th one shittin on peoples feelins unapologetically
<Averian> you should be pissed at yourself, at gabe, at cjero, at vex, at everyone even involved in it.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an you were th one saying publicly that yeh didn't care if other people were hurt
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> way ter blame the victims.
<Averian> they're not victims
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> "ach, I was an asshole, it's their fault I was an asshole to em"
<Averian> no, they were an asshole to me so I gave it back to them
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> "fuck your feelings if you are upset, I am more important"
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> mmhm
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> sure.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> sure they were.
<Averian> I did what was reactionary, I didn't go in there with a pure intention to piss people off.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> or maybe, they were responding to you bein a dick before that, an they are the ones retaliating, not you.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> maybe they is reactionary
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but you don't care
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> you said you don't care
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> that's th major point.
<Averian> but I think you're just too fucking blasted to see anything from another persons' side. your emotions are swallowing your thoughts.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> they never said they didn't care about anyone but themselves
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> you
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> did.
<Averian> you're not able to see it from any other side
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> mmhm
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an you are refusin to see it from mine
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an ah am quotin yeh.
<Averian> I see what you're saying
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so fuckoff and stop pming me.
<Averian> there's a handy ignore button if you don't want to listen
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> see?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> don't care about other people.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Proof right there.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh coulda walked
<Averian> ok that's the best proof
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> but yeh made a smartass comment instead.
<Averian> 10/10
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> fuck
<Averian> would prove again
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> off
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> fuck
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> off
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> fuck
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> off
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> clear nuff fer yeh?
<Averian> nah
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> then yer an idiot.
<Averian> stop internally justifying your own actions and starts looking at less justification and more observation
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> go away, you insensitive prick, ahm dealin with the death of a friend and all yeh care about is yerself an yer image.
<Averian> see it from all areas
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> take yer own advice
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> imagine if someone you cared about died
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ok hold on
<Averian> see? all you're doing is externalizing my actions
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> imagine if you cared about someone other than yerself
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> like, a lot
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> almost as much as yeh care about yerself
<Averian> I've had plenty of people die.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an then imagine they are gone ferever.
<Averian> family, lovers, pets
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an then imagine someone was shittin on yeh for it.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh but I said someone yeh care about
<Averian> am I shitting on you for mourning? no
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ah dont think yeh care about anyone but yerself, from all yer actions and words.
<Averian> I'm shitting on you for trying to blame me for her actions
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an ah am shittin on yeh for bein an insensitive shit.
<Averian> well, I guess this is scat porn
<Averian> jokes aside
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh just dont wanna take responcibility, or see that maybe yeh might have had a part in her actions
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> this aint the times fer jokes.
<Averian> how could I?
<Averian> how could I have part in it?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ah would know more than you would.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeh said yerself that yeh didn't talk ter her for the longest time.
<Averian> we apologized to each other and our interactions after that were nothing more than basic conversation
<Averian> no drama, no nothing
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeah
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> and that's all yeh know
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> and yeh don't know anythin past that.
<Averian> so how would I have anything to do with it?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ask her
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> oh wait
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> she's gone
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ferever
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an yeh are shittin on people for it
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> good job.
* Siouxsie{Nycto} claps slowly
<Averian> how would you ever even come up with it in your mind that I was involved?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> cus she mentioned it to me before she went?
<Averian> prove it
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> how th fuck am ah supposed to prove it?
<Averian> you have logs, don't you?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> not of phone calls, yeh shit.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> all about you.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> again.
<Averian> okay, what did she say then?
<Averian> and when was it?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> remember how yeh helped talk 'er down from th mod team?
<Averian> mhm. a long time before our post-make-up
<Averian> and also I don't think she was removed from the team until much later
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeah. that an some other shit weighed in on her.
<Averian> since she was still an op in that room up until the point I left the server
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> not sayin you were th only reason, but yeh helped.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> another straw on th camel's back.
<Averian> can we talk about the other stuff? I want to know exactly what we're dealing with
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> why
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> th fuck
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> should ah tell you?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> YOU were th one sayin it wasn't real.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> YOU were th one sayin all that shit back there
<Averian> mhm. but you're twisting my words
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an YOU were th one sayin yeh didn't care if other people were hurtin.
<Averian> I have an opinion about egocide
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> even if it's a deep hurt, yeh said yeh didn't care.
<Averian> I don't think she's truly gone
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> yeah, an you coulda expressed that opinion WITHOUT BEIN A DICK
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> BUT YEH DID, DINNIT YEH
<Averian> well, it was reactionary, as I was being blamed.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so now yeh deal wit people not likin yeh fer it.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> all about you. again.
<Averian> anyway, I want to get an understanding of what would bother her so much for her to do that
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> so no. yeh weren't th sole cause, yeh helped, an ah know yeh helped. That bein aside, ah didn't blame yeh.
<Averian> I know she kind of had a low stress threshhold in the first place
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> ahm pissed at yeh fer bein such a shit about it.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> which yeh were.
<Averian> well, I'm sorry that you're pissed but we're all being kind of reactionary right now.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> an all yeh give are excuses.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> no apologies
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> excuses.
<Averian> I'm sorry.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> what, for me bein pissed?
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> that aint an apology.
<Averian> it was untactful to speak of the things there in the manner I did. I was upset and that was a bad way of going about bringing up the topic.
<Averian> my justification is that I was also upset because I was being blamed for it.
<Siouxsie{Nycto}> Are yeh gonna learn from it an try to be more sensitive to other people's emotions?
<Averian> of course. you and I both know that emotional reactions are hard to deal with though.
<Averian> it feels like it flies out rather than giving you a chance to think
<Averian> but I've been doing better at it these days and I guess this is just another step. eh?