Thread 56: Stories 31-45

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 >AJ
"Snips"
~~~~

>....

"Hiya princess!"

>Okay, this one is gonna hurt...

"Listen, I had a question, and I figured since you work with papers you know all the laws and stuff."

>That is a terrible leap of logic there. Just terrible.

"Sooooo, I was wondering... what's the age of consent? Does it happen when you get your cutie mark, or-"

>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE-

"Hey! Why're you picking me up!? Why am I flying!? Why-"

*CHUCK!*

"I'LL JUST ASK SOMEONE EEEEEELllllllsssssseee.....e............"

>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

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 >AJ
"Cheerilee"
~~~~

"Oh my goodness, Applejack! You're here!"

>Well, howdy Cheerilee! Good ta' see an old face again.

"Oh please, I'm not that old."

>Ah, ya' know ah' didn't mean it like that. So, what'cha up to?

"Oh, well, actually I was just coming over to get some apples, believe it or not, but since you're here-"

>Ah' would like to remind you that all information pertainin' ta' supernatural elements is handled by our esteemed Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle, and would love ta' point ya' in that direction.

"Noted! But actually, has a bit more to do with... infrastructure..."

>...why won't it stop...

"Well, it's just, I tripped and hurt my hoof the other day, and I had to cancel class. You'd think, well, that isn't a big deal, but then I realized if I had broken it... I don't really have a substitute teacher, do I? There aren't any other teachers in Ponyville, and I tried, but can't seem to find any way to request one from Canterlot."

>Er, well... lotta Canterlot folk don't wanna come down this way...

"So, what, our entire schooling system is based on ONE mare? I'm not exactly qualified to teach flying and magic, Applejack."

>... Just not a lotta certified ponies, is all.

"Certified?"

>Ya' know, certification to teach? Diploma? Ya' gotta...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ya' are actually qualified, right? They checked that before they hired you?

"...Fiends! Operias PROFUGIO!"

*FWOOOSH!*

>WHAT IN TARNATION!?

"NGH!"

*FLEES!*

>..........Ah, crap..........

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>32
"??"
'Q'
*Reggie*
~~~

>Now, altogether! Should old acquaintance be forgot-

*CHITTER!*

>What? No! They haven't used that phrasing in years!

*Chitter!*

>You liar! How could you possibly remember that? You're not even a year old!

*Chitter.*

>LIAR!

'Tink'

>Don't you take his side! Oh, bother...

"..."

>...How long have you been standing there?

The changeling just gave him a long, incredulous look.

>...29! Brother of mine, how are you?

"Doing better now that I need not flee from creatures of horror so twisted."

>Ah, yes. Quite the fun to be had. Were you overtaken?

"Surprisingly, no. Mine stripped friend is quite impressive."

>Of that I have no doubt! She certainly seems the type to be full of tricks.

"You have no idea... so... why did you not flee when you had the chance?"

The other changeling gave pause, thoughtfully tapping on his chin.

>...I was distracted on mine attempt to flee.

"I suppose..."

As always, he slipped in a box through the bars, one quickly taken by the other.

>Gifts again! Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were buttering me up! Really, 29, you don't have to be so forward!

"Ah hah. Ah hah. Just enjoy thine candy."

>Candy! Honest and true, candy! Has been so long.

"Do you need a touch of love while I am here?"

>...Really, you give me too much material, I swear you're asking for it at this point.

"If thou is so clever, describe unto me how I could have said that WITHOUT it being turned into innuendo."

>...

"..."

>...Fair enough. But yes, I am quite low I would be remiss in not taking up this offer. Just please, do not ask me to do anything TOO uncouth in order to get it. The lack of guard at this exact spot is tempting, I know, but do keep any requests above the ribcage.

As always, the changeling just rolled his eyes, and stuck his hoof through the bars, to which the other connected with.

>Oooooohhhh, yeeessss... missed this.

"So... you and 77 fought together to save our sister, yes? In that case..."

A playful twinkle overtook the others eye.

>Do not tell me you are jealous.

"Brother..."

A twinkle that very, very quickly left.

>...Yes, to your unspoken question. I feel as if... I have moved past a lot for my brother. I no longer hate him for the choice he made... and I would wish him to come see me down here again.

The other nodded, pulling his hoof away when the other felt full.

"Is that why you did not attempt to flee?"

>...Yes. Is suppose that is part of it. I have finally found my sister I thought lost after so long. The idea of fleeing into the night and spending the rest of my life hiding away from her, or worse to have her chase me into that life... it was not worth it. So long as I am here, they are never again beyond my reach.

"So long as they stand in front of the bars, you mean."

>...Indeed.

The rogue changeling sighed, flopping back on his hard bed and casually opening his box of chocolates.

>Would you mind passing on a message for me?

"I suppose it would not be too much trouble."

>...Tell them, see me when they are able.

"Pointless."

A curious look came over the other one.

"They already know, and will be here the moment they are able. We both know this."

>...Yes, I suppose we do. Thank you for coming to ensure I live, 29. I'd offer to make it up to you with help in burying a body, but I feel the concrete is too hard to break through.

*Chitter!*

>No, we cannot make acid out of pizza, you dark little thing.

Surprisingly, the posh changeling chuckled.

"I will be back, 32. Any requests?"

>Wine strong enough to make me see elephants.

"Do you even know what an elephant looks like?"

>Not in the slightest, you see why I would be curious.

"...I'll see what I an do. Take care."

>You as well, brother....

Softly, the changeling departed from the dungeon.

>...So, perhaps I wasn't totally alone, you were right Q.

'TINK!'

>...Though I must ask, why bring a child down here? Poor thing was too frightened to even speak...

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 >AJ
"Cloudkicker"
~~~

"..."

>Ah' don't even know who the heck ya'll are!

"Hurtful!"

>Yer' right, sorry, too far. How can Ah' help you?

"Well, you're a princess now, right?"

>Nope, yer' hallucinatin', Ah'm not even here right now, it's all a dream, ya' need ta' go ta' bed, far faaaar away from me, and wake up.

"...That doesn't make any sense."

>Ah'm desperate here, and Ah' figure iffin' the world ain't gonna make sense ta' me Ah' can do it right back.

"Right, well... about that whole cloudsdale tornado for water thing..."

>Ah' was an earth pony mah' whole life till Celly shorted out and dun messed up, why do ya' think Ah'll have the answer ta' whatever it is yer' about ta' ask?

"...I'm just saying, aren't the lakes kind of filled with... like, fish? And rocks? And bugs? It's stagnant water, which means at the very least something is defecating in there. I've never seen it filtered, we just whip up a tornado and boom. That seems unhygienic."

>...Where do ya'll think yer' current water comes from?

"..."

>...

"...OH DEAR CELESTIA! I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE!"

>NO WAIT-

*ZOOM!*

>........GAD DANG IT! Ah' know steppin' forward is too much ta' ask, but can this at least not get WORSE on me!?

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>Watchdog
"Spitfire"

>Sho then theesh shonsh a bishes come up t'me and shay they're gonna arrest me!

"Mhm."

The two extremely unlikely drinking partners sit next to one another at the bar, one looking down into her glass stoically, the other downing his own with speed.

>Kidnapping! Kidnapping!? Oh, I'm shorry, wash I SHUPOSHED ta let the kid get infected? I mean...he did anyway, but thash not the point, am I right?

"Mhm."

>Right! I don't have to be a shuperhero yanno! I chosh to do that! Yanno what I didn't choosh? Gettin' turned into a cyborg marionette looking robot dog gorilla!

"Mhm."

>I mean come on! I didn't do nothin' to deserve thish...I mean yeah, a few priorsh for attempted kidnapping but we don't talk about that! Shtill! Fuckin' shtill! Even if I didn't get punished enough by gettin' my ear whined off, that doesh NOT jushtify thish!

"Mhm."

>...wanna know the shaddesht part?

"Mhm."

>...I'm totally not drunk right now.

Spitfire blinks and looks up at the dog, arching a quizzical eyebrow.

>Yeah...I think they eliminated me being able to get drunk when I got robotted up. I don't even know if I got a stomach or a liver in here...just my heart, which seems like a serious design flaw when I think about it...

"...barkeep, another round on me."

>...thanks.

"Just keep talking, I really need some noise right now."

>So...uh...this is gonna sound weird but...don't I know you from somewhere?

"No."

>You sure?

"I may have been someone before, but I'm not anymore. Talk."

>This seems like...super depression you got there, lady.

"I'll tell the barkeep to take back that round."

>So moral of my story: Never trust strange unicorns offering you a no strings attached job! I'm just lucky they didn't go all 'Equine Centipede' on me, yanno?

"Mhm."

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Non-canon, inspired by:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnVnw4z4xTE
>2
"Twilight"
'Chrysalis'
~~~
>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

"This is it... This is the end?"

'Smart horse, the hell is going on in here? The hell is that glowing thing?'

"It's 2, Chrysalis..."

'WHAT DID YOU DO?!'

"I gave her caffeinated marshmallows... She devoured the whole bag and now..."

GLOWING, HEAT, MAGIC, AND ADORABLE INTENSIFIES!

'... It is a good day to die.'

NO SURVIVORS

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 >AJ
"Bonbon"
~~~

"Hey, Applejack? I had another question-"

>NO! YOU GOT ONE! YA' DON'T GET TWO! TWO IS A VIOLATION OF THIS HERE AGREEMENT!

"...What? What agreement?"

>The unspoken one that lets me keep mah' sanity!

"..."

>...Fine, just ask yer' question.

"Does Ponyville have a prison?"

>...WHAT!?

"I don't mean that like I want to actually send someone there, I just want to know if it has one. I never see one. Does this mean if someone breaks the law down here, we have to send them up to Canterlot?"

>...

"I'm just curious because, you know, I see ponies doing stupid things that should at least get an investigation all the time, but never anyone sent anywhere, so I was just wondering if we had to ship them off to get prosecuted. We have a judge down here, does he just not do anything? Is this all handled in Canterlot?"

>Ah'... guess?

"Isn't that a little unfortunate in implications if a town mostly earth ponies are overseen judgmental wise by a bunch of rich, snobby unicorns in another city entirely?"

>...Yeah, little bit.

"THIS WHOLE SYSTEM IS-"

>Right, got it. So, uh... go tell the mayor ya' want a prison or somethin'?

"...Well, I mean, I don't want a prison IN TOWN, just..."

>...Just what?

"...............I want magic superpowers too."

>As someone who has recently been 'blessed' with the opportunity, no. No you do not.

"...I call bullshit."

>If ya' only knew.

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>Celestia
"???"
~~~

>Well, now this is a curious sight.

The tiny body that had been looking away from the princess suddenly jumped, doing it's best to look normal and pointedly not out the hallway window they had been staring a second ago.

>So sorry, I did not mean to startle you. But tell me, what is the matter, Arana?

The spiderling fidgeted, suddenly looking very unsure.

>What could you be looking to, to cause such... ah. I see.

A quick peering through the window revealed it all.

While there was certainly a part of her that wanted to chide the little changeling for this, and quite a bit of trepidation at the implications, she nonetheless put those feelings aside, and tried to put on a comforting face.

>Are you just trying to build up the courage to go speak to her?

Arana flinched, once again looking away from the window that peered into the similar one of the library across the open park. One which showed the unmistakable figure of the Titan Queen herself.

>No? Not that? Are you afraid of what others will think if they see you speaking to her? I understand, of course, but we wouldn't...

Still nothing.

>Are you avoiding her? Come now, from what Twilight has told me, your mother used to like her, didn't she? Surely you could go and say hello.

“...”

>If you are worried, we will not think less of you. None of us like her, it is true, but we will not hate you for seeking out someone you knew in another time. I understand that things may change, and regardless of her current actions, we will not...

“...”

>Arana, please, what is the matter?

The gentle, nurturing tone reminded the little thing of another time, another place... another royal.

With that, she found the words to speak at last.

“...I feel bad for her...”

While never one to shirk seeing the good in all beings, even Celestia had to roll her eyes at that.

>While I appreciate the empathy granted to others, I do think she is quite alright and does not require nor want it. She is not as you knew, Arana, she is driven, angered, and right now plotting...

She flinched again, worse this time.

>...I feel as if there is something you are not telling me.

Slowly, she nodded.

“...I saw stuff... me and Applejack... when Spike grabbed her, he made her see things to make her stop fighting. I tried to get him off... and I saw stuff.”

Curiosity overwhelmed her, and suddenly the entirety of the princess's attention was locked in on the changeling.

>Oh? What kind of... stuff?

“It wasn't right...”

Her breaths became shorter, much more focused and concentrated.

>Arana.

With movement reminiscent of molasses, she turned until the two pairs of eyes locked.

>If you don't feel like telling me... you can show me.

The realization came slowly, but lit her eyes up like a firework when it finally connected.

"I don't know if I should..."

She said nothing, did nothing. She did not push, she did not prod, she did not coerce.

Because the princess knew quite well, she would not need to.

"But I guess... if Applejack saw it..."

Slowly, a green magic began to form in the changeling's horn...

And Celestia saw it all.

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Random Changelings'
~~~~~

>So, is 77 still in the hospital?

"Yes? Why wouldn't he be?"

>I'm just worried, you guys normally bounce back pretty quick.

"...He was in the middle of a giant mushroom as it collapsed to the ground, was buried alive, and this was after getting the crap kicked out of him. I think the fact he's not in a coma alone is pretty impressive."

>...You don't have to make me sound dumb...

"Just saying."

>So, uh, what are we planning to do?

"...You lost me."

>I mean, are you going to visit him?

"Why would we do that?"

>...

'He looks confused, Juggledude.'

'I think you broke him.'

'Huh. Thought he would last longer. He seemed durable.'

>That aside, aren't you guys going to, like, cheer him up?

"Like... juggling? I could juggle. It's my thing."

>Good thought, but I meant everyone, shouldn't you all at least write a note or something?

'About what?'

'Is it about his spot? He gave up that a while ago.'

>No, just... what do you do when one of you guys get hurt?

'...Leave them to die?'

'That's what we USED to do.'

'Oh... tell them that they need to walk faster?'

'The ballroom isn't going anywhere.'

'True, wouldn't need to walk that fast.'

'Neat, problem solved.'

>No! It's not solved!

'I disagree, and I have consensus.'

>I just... look, when someone is injured like this, it's normally good to give them at least a get well card or something.

"Why?"

>So they know you're happy they're alive!

"Oh... I guess we are kind of happy they're alive."

'Yeah, I guess too.'

'...but none of us can write.'

'DAMN YOU, ILLITERACY!'

'...'

'29 was wandering the halls earlier.'

'HE'S ALIVE!?'

>You know what? I've got this, I just need some paper, and we'll all write a get well soon card.

"...Aren't there a lot of-"

>WE'RE DOING THIS!

"Alright, Alright... get the red suit."

>DOING THIS IN A RED SUIT! PUT ON THE GREEN! WE'RE GONNA DO IT DRESSED UP!

'....snk...'

>What?

'''''''''''''NOTHING!''''''''''''

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 >AJ
"Thunderlane"
~~~

"Oh my gosh! Princess, hi!"

>...Ah' jus' want it ta' be ponies Ah' know, ya' know? Ah'm not even bothered by how many, but Ah' don't know who any of you are.

"What?"

>Nothin'...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ya'll can-

"Ask a question? Great! I was hoping so. Phew! Made me worried."

>Was gonna say leave...

"I was just wondering... why was everyone mad at you that one time?"

>Wow, ya'll are gonna have ta' be WAY more specific.

"Okay, so, you herded the cows off to the side and prevented them from trampling the town, and we were all happy and great and all that."

>Yeah?

"And then you started working and overworked yourself and you were too tired to come back later."

>Right.

"And thus, the town was run over by rabbits."

>...

"...And we all got mad at you for some reason..."

>...

"Even though, you'd think we'd call... Fluttershy? Isn't that her job?"

>...

"No, even better, this isn't a big animal like a cow, where of course there's a bit of danger to it cause they could just step on you, it's a RABBIT. They're, like tiny. Why'd we wait for you? What, in a mostly rural town, NOBODY else knows how to deal with wild animals? We're mostly surrounded by forest! Why are we treating RABBITS like they're dangerous!? There's a giant stone crocodile in that forest! That's right, apparently crocodiles weren't dangerous enough, we had to make them way a couple tons and have the durability of a boulder on top of that! But oh no, rabbits! RABBITS! Shoot them with lasers! Drop some rocks on them! Or, I don't know, kick them in the face because THEY ARE RABBITS, LILLY! FUCKING RABBITS! TINY LITTLE WOODLAND CREATURES YOU SEE EVERY TIME YOU GO OUT TO PICNIC! WHYYYY!?"

>...

"....So, yeah, what was up with that?"

>It was on off tuesday?

"....Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Applejack!"

*Leaves*

>.............................WHAT!?

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>Pommel
"Daw"
'Vekir'

>Darn, I thought she'd be here.

"..."

'Strange blue pony has her mouth open.'

>I mean, I guess it's pretty silly of me to just think she'd always be in here, but still.

"..."

'Mouth open wiiiiide.'

>Should we wait for her here? I feel like that'd be best, or maybe we leave Vekir here, go get Princess Sparkle, and bring her back? Does that sound good?

"..."

'...blue pony, a moth has flown into your mouth...does it taste good?'

>Uh...Jackie? You okay?

"WHO TH' FUCK NEEDS THIS MANY TUBES!?"

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>DT
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

Just a quick trip, she had insisted.

Just a brief little thing to go check on 'a friend'. A quick hopping in a train and off she went, on her father's dime of course. Not that he minded. Why, he was tickled that she had made a friend while traveling around, he always wanted her to make more of those.

But as the train pulled into the station in a certain, very familiar feeling, she had to wonder what he would think of her 'friend' if he actually met her.

A chauffeur was there to whisk her away the instant she left the train, leading her to a fancy carriage fit for royalty before a leisurely trip down the streets that, once upon a time, she had fought a giant monster upon.

Fillydelphia's citizens were quick to wave to her, to smile and look on in awe at the case she carried upon her back, all of them knowing full well what lied within. She paid them not a single thought, besides basking in her own well deserved praise of course, before being led to a high rise building and shown the way to an elevator that would take her to her final destination.

The restaurant was, of course, extravagant, beautifully maintained and filled with symphonic, easy music. However, that was all it was filled with.

Excepting the single pony sitting in the middle of one of those lavish tables, of course.

"Diamond Tiara, my favorite little city wrecker, how are you?"

The pink filly shrugged, taking her seat without invitation across from the other mare.

>Pennydrop, you're looking pretty good.

"Of course, have to look beautiful in my line of work. Being the face of the company is so tiring sometimes, but I'm sure you sympathize."

>Not really, I just naturally look this good.

The other mare let out a loud, barking laugh, clearly amused.

>Is there any particular reason you wanted to see me, or did you just want to show off the nice food. Because I've eaten cakes meant for Celestia herself, this isn't exactly going to floor me.

Another laugh, light and easy.

"Too true, too true! And trust me, I've had better myself. But I think I should hold off on the business aspect until our last member joins our table."

>...Last member?

'I do believe she means me.'

The synced sound of paws upon the floor and the clacking of claws made her jump, turning around just as a regal shaped took the final seat open to the table.

>Gwen?

The gryphon cast her a chiding, annoyed look.

'It is Queen Gwendolyn.'

>Right, Gwen, that's what I said.

The gryphon rolled her eyes, but strangely did not seem all that angry.

'How have you been fairing, child?'

>Meh, got into a fight with a zombie dragon, had to blow apart a giant wall of spores, and then had to beat a crowd of zombies to submission with TBDRLIATU's body. You?

'My son is an idiot and a coward.'

>Sucks. Still, knew you would be okay.

'Likewise, I doubted you would be in any sort of danger.'

"Well, since both of you lovely ladies are finally here, we can get down to business!"

The businessmare clopped her hooves together, a smile plastered across her face as a suitcase was carried out to her and placed gently on the table. After a nod from the mare, the stallion who had brought it made a hasty retreat.

>...Was that the mayor?

"Never you mind that, more important things to discuss."

With a CLACK, the suitcase flung open.

"You, my little filly, made quite the... interesting little contraption."

Slips of paper fluttered before the pink filly, proudly displaying pictures of herself. Well, herself, plus a certain giant suit of metal.

Stunned, yet curious claws reached out and plucked up one of them, hawk-like eyes shifting between the picture and the filly next to her.

'Great hawk... how did you-'

>While yes, I am brilliant and beautiful and everything else you are thinking, I should note I just cobbled together robot parts and rerouted the controls. The infrastructure was already there, I just rearranged most of it.

"Humble to her very core, this one! But that's not the only new.... 'development' in the great land of Catnerlot, is it?"

Feather's bristled angrily, but the Queen said nothing.

"No need to hold it back, your Majesty! I think everyone at this table had the same reaction to the Princess's little... 'offer'."

'Cowards, all of them.'

>Not to be the one to defend Applejack or anything, but the situation was... bad.

She looked on with regret at one of the pictures, of the machine she had just barely gotten the chance to know before destroying it.

>As much as I hate to admit it, with TBDRLIATU in the state he was in, I couldn't have beaten Spike at that size. She was desperate. Stupid and cowardly for not trying to fight him herself, but desperate. So, she just chose a giant monster to fight a giant monster. Hard to argue with the logic.

Curiously, this did seem to calm the gryphon down quite a bit.

"Regardless of her... unfortunate situation, I think we can all agree Chitania being in that city is... bad, yes? Let's be kind and say it is bad."

'You are underselling it. At any time that beast could snap, and yet more graves would have to be filled...'

>Trust me, I know, but I haven't made something that can pierce her hide yet.

'Neither have I, sadly, and I dare not risk my army on a suicide mission.'

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing she's at least not in your kingdom-"

A claw slammed onto the table, rattling every piece of silverwear.

'It does not matter where she is! Innocents do not deserve to die for their leader's stupidity!'

"Alright, alright! Point taken, just trying to look on the bright side. I'm an optimist, forgive me."

She grunted, sitting back down with a scoff.

"But more to the point, her in the city, bad, yes? She's a ticking time bomb, and when she goes off, well... her last trip to Canterlot gives us a base to go off of, and it isn't going to be pretty. Ponies are going to get hurt, and that's best case scenario. Worst case... Celestia doesn't pull them out of the way in time. We're headed down a bad path."

There was a rustling of papers, and yet more of them being tossed in front of the other two.

"Let's see if we can go another way on that one."

Two sets of curious eyes looked over what she had given them. Schematics, budgetary reports, all sorts of business related things.

>...What do you need us for?

She laughed again, hard, and strong.

"Oh, come now, why wouldn't I wish for the help of such capable, powerful individuals? We worked together so well last time, and we all bring such amazing feats to the table."

Flattery, it seemed, got her nowhere.

"...But besides that obvious reasons, let's just say my ace technicians have... gone on an extended leave. And, due to the nature of this undertaking, I am in need of a large, heavily militarized area with which to pull off this mutually beneficial endeavor, but my mainstays are no longer available due to the unfortunate events in this very city."

>In short, you need smarts, you need land, and you need money.

"Oh ho! Close, but I just need the land, the face and the intelligence. I have the money, the infrastructure and the political pull, thank you."

Claws thoughtfully passed over every inch of it, a trained eye scanning for any hint of deception or trickery.

"Ladies, I'm not going to lie. I'm worried about when she will strike next. But you know, after hearing of how she was hurt by that dragon... I'm suddenly liking my chances. What say, when she finally breaks and tries to go on another rampage... we show her what it's like to get crushed."

The air was heavy, contemplative and uneasy, very few glances shared between them all.

>...I can't leave Canterlot for extended times, they'll get suspicious.

'Likewise, myself with my Kingdom.'

"Oh ho ho, come now, do you really think I'm a stranger to keeping things under wraps? We can make this work, oh, trust me, we can make this work."

There was another long, shared silence, before at last the filly and queen shared a single look, and nodded.

>Alright, fine. I want to stop her as much as you guys do. But, fair warning, if it feels like you're trying to screw us over...

'...Let's just say you have the money, but friendship is magic. And we have some very, very powerful friends.'

Unworried or bothered, she hefted her glass, and smiled wide.

"A toast, to a new partnership, then?"

A beat.

And then three glasses chinked together.

"You know, you're right, friendship is quite amazing. And, I feel... this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Spike"

>Alrighty, little cave girl is safe in the lab with Jackie, fantastic, Jackie is in the lab with strict orders NOT to steal anything...which I had to categorize. She has a problem. But alright, just need to find Princess Twilight, have her let everyone know I'm alive, and fix Vekir's armor...wow, I am just hitting the ground running, go me.

"The...fuck?"

>Oh, hey, Spike! Great!

"The. Fuck?"

>Okay, yeah, I'm alive, I'm just as surprised as you are, honestly. Phew, it's been a bit of a long road.

"The. FUCK!? HOW ARE YOU ALIVE!?"

>Fair point, fair point. I'll explain in just a bit, but could you do me a favor? I need to find Princess Twilight so she can fix...Vekir? I'm pretty sure I'm pronouncing the name right, Vekir. I need Princess Twilight to fix her armor so she doesn't melt.

"Wait-what!?"

>Yeah, apparently she's got armor that stops that, but it got broken when the evil zombie creatures showed up. What WAS that all about anyway? You know what, I'll ask later, I really gotta find the Princess. You know where she is?

"...in the throne room...Why are you so scarred up? How did you get muscles!? When did you grow FACIAL HAIR!?"

>Oh of COURSE, duh! I should've know, sorry, I spaced out on that. Hey, I'll come find you guys once I sort this out and I'll explain everything. Later!

The guard stallion galloped off, leaving the dragon to stare, mouth agape at what just happened.

"I...buh...what!?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"???"
~~~

At last...

The throne room was empty.

She had been working all morning, and most of the afternoon as well. At the start, of course, she had been joined by Celestia herself in dealing with the numerous requests, problems that arose and general uneasiness that needed looking into. However, the first time the elder princess had collapsed, she had been worried. The second time she had collapsed, she had requested that she take some time off. But it was not till the fourth time the statuesq alabaster alicorn fell to her side and nearly blacked out that the younger had finally taken charge and had her carted off to rest. It seemed that even now, some after-effects of her mysterious draining persisted. Mentally, Twilight made a note to re-examine that.

...After she herself had a long, long nap, of course. Personally, she felt she had earned it, and with skip in her step prepared to hop off that throne and-

SLAM!

>...No... way...

Her breath hitched, her pupils dilated, her heartrate sped up at what she saw standing in the doorway. Her mind couldn't process it, her consciousness could not fully connect with what her eyes gazed upon, her brain simply incapable of making that jump between electrical impulse and neuron that would allow her to take hold, and understand.

"Yeah yeah, shocking, whatever, just sign the fucking paper."

Her hoof crashed hard into her face, and what little patience she still held was cast away as if the hoof trailing down ripped it clean.

>...Chitania, if you want me to sign something, you have to actually tell me what it is.

The Titan Queen rolled her eyes, unsympathetic in the least to the tired, weary soul before her.

"Just sign it."

>Again, I need to reiterate to you, I'm not signing a mysterious piece of paper given to me by someone who buried me alive in a mountain of snow and then attempted to beat me to death with a train. This? Right here? This is not happening unless you use your big girl words and talk.

An irritated, insulted eyebrow shot up, but she said nothing.

"Apparently your moronic system says I can't take books from the library without a card, and apparently I can't get a card without owning a house on Canterlot land, or getting you to sign it, so..."

>So clearly, you should go buy a house or something. Good, stimulate my economy some more, everyone wins, have fun.

"Ah ha, ha ha, funny. But I'm not buying a house in a place I may or may not crush eventually."

The purple princess groaned, just barely resisting the urge to slam her head repeatedly into the floor.

>See this? This right here? This is why nobody likes you.

"Oh, however will my social life recover. Just sign the fucking paper."

>You know what? Fine. I'm too tired for this.

She roughly grabbed it away, a pen floating over her as her eyes scanned over the words to ensure nothing was amiss that would send the Titan running back to her yet again.

>...Absolutely not.

"WHAT!?"

Furiously, the Queen marched up to her, snarling dangerously as her face narrowed in on the others.

"What did you just say!?"

>I said absolutely not. No. There is no possible way I'm letting you take out anything from, of all places, the Starswirl the Bearded wing. No. Not happening.

"That room has the best leads of this entire damned kingdom!"

>Yes, and it also has a lot of very powerful magic. Which, of course, I do not want you to be on the same continent of, but sadly I have to put up with your proximity.

"I don't care about your stupid spells!"

>And you know what? I don't trust you, at all. Is that surprising to you? No, really. Is it?

A magical bolt ignited, burning the parchment to nothingness. Seemingly oblivious or simply uncaring to the mounting rage in the Titan's face, the alicorn began to stomp forwards.

>I know you Queen's are not the most social or accustomed to ponies norms, but really? Is this a surprise to you? You broke my home, you hurt my mentor, you nearly killed my brother, and you never once looked even a bit apologetic or remorseful. Honestly, you never even seemed thankful that my brother, in a kindness I swear I do not understand fully yet, granted to you. If he had not chosen as he did, you would be dead. You owe him your life, and you never even seemed the least bit appreciative.

Chitania suddenly took on the air of someone trying very, very hard not to laugh.

>I tried to see what he saw in you. I tried to talk to you, to meet you face to face and not start some massive, huge scale battle, but it didn't work, did it?

Hot, nearly burning breath escaped her nostrils.

"No, I suppose not, since unlike you ponies I don't take too kindly to being shot in the head."

Derivatively, she scoffed.

>We both know you were going to fight me anyway. We both know it was going to end one way, and Spike couldn't have changed that.

"Suppose you'll never know that for sure, will you?"

>Maybe not, but I don't need to. You don't care who you hurt, you don't care what the cost, you'll just keep going and going until you meet your goal, or die trying.

"The former, in case there was some confusion on the matter."

>So why, of, all things, would you ever, for a single moment, think I would let you within the same postal code of those spells? I can't throw you out of Canterlot, I can't lock you away in Tartarus, I can't stop you... but I sure don't have to help you either. I let you out, it's my fault you're in this world. I can't put you back where you belong... but I don't have to lead you to the next victim either.

Sparks danced atop the Titan's horn, matching with the fire that flickered behind her eyes.

>Go ahead, get angry, go at me. I'll gladly do this with you right now, I'll stop you before Canterlot has to suffer through more destruction because of me. This time, Celestia won't have to pull anyone out of the way.

Curiously, her gaze grew less heated, more confused.

"What?"

Disgust crossed Twilight's face, open and apparent for the Queen to see.

>You don't even know, do you?

Her silence told her more than any words could.

>When you stomped through Canterlot, Celestia used her magic to take everyone to safety. But you didn't even care, did you? You never even looked at the casualty rate you left in your wake. It was all the same to you if you stomped one or a thousand.

She did not deny it, nor look anything but... curious.

"Tell me, how many did I end when I arrived?"

Regretfully, Twilight turned away.

>...You took the life of a brave, heroic stallion, who gave everything to try to stop you.

"Just one?"

Impossibly, the disgust intensified.

>It wasn't 'just' anything.

"Interesting. How did he die? Did I crush him? I don't remember crushing anyone directly."

It took everything she had not to vomit in rage.

>How could you forget...

"It wasn't a very interesting trek to the castle."

>How could you ever forget something like that...

"They're all rather small in my Titan form, it's easy enough to miss."

>...You... you...

She swallowed down the bile, hard.

>...You ate him....

A silence hung heavy in the air. One of retching ire from the smaller pony, and one of a deep, insulting confusion from the changeling.

"...Wait, hold on, do you mean-"

'CHITANIA!?'

Twilight's lungs, in the blink of an eye, went from hot, burning hate, to solid blocks of ice that felt painful in her chest. Her jaw dropped open almost comically, eyes goggling stupidly at the stallion who stood in the doorway.

"...So, wait, was that not him? Did I eat someone else? Hold on... Puddle! Did you see anyone else in there when I ate you?"

Offended, the stallion marched up to her, armor rattling almost indignantly against his scarred body.

'It's POMMEL.'

"Oh. Huh, I feel like I should have noticed eating someone else. Did Pommel have any last words?"

'No! I mean my name, it's POMMEL!'

"Misleading. Puddle fits better."

Amidst the bickering, smoke began to softly wisp out of Twilight's ear.

'Are you threatening the princess? Because she looked like she was about to take your head off. Gonna have to ask you to step away from her, or we're going to have to fight. I... really don't want to do that, but I will.'

"For the sake of my lungs, I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. So, you manged not to openly jump into a shark's mouth. Life is looking up for you, isn't it?"

'Actually? Kind of is.'

"Well, that aside, who else did I eat? She seems angry about that."

'Me! She's angry you ate ME!'

"...But she said you were dead."

'I am! Er, was.'

"...Start making sense."

'I JUST got back, and I need her to nullify my death certificate, so can you leave so-'

"Are you serious!? You went on that stupid raft... forever! I've crossed this damn continent three times! That's not an exaggeration, I've actually done that!"

'I got a little... sidetracked.'

"How do you get that sidetracked!? Did you go to space or something!?"

'There were times...'

"You know what, I don't care-WAIT! Does that mean I didn't manage to kill ANYONE when I arrived!? I mashed this city into the ground! I punched your false god out of a wall! I collapsed an entire cave system, and somehow nothing!?... I'm slipping, apparently. Really losing my skills in... citicide? towncide? What's the word for wiping out a city?"

'...I thought you said you killed Cadence?'

"Which one is that?"

'Pink alicorn.'

"Oh... no, she survived, turns out."

'Oh. Good!'

"Not really, she is really, really annoying."

'...Can you leave?'

"Are you seriously telling me what to do? I ate you by existing in your relative area, you're about as threatening as a fly with a broken wing."

'Please? I really, really need to have a discussion here about the fact I'm not dead. And also she needs to go deal with Vekir so she doesn't melt. She can sign my paper in a second, that seems priority, because melting.'

"Again, I do not care, and I can easily crush you, what are you on?"

'There was a couple spots... but currently nothing.'

"Did me building you that raft send mixed signals? I wanted you to go away, not to be friends."

'Right... I guess technically, I should say thank you for that, if you hadn't then I wouldn't have gone on my adventure and met... oh wow, I never would have met Daw if you hadn't done that. That's a scary feeling. Thanks?'

"Don't mention it. To anyone. Ever."

>WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!?

Two purple hooves mashed against the white pony's face, scrunching him up like a stress ball as she rolled his cheeks around in her hooves.

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT!?

'Prmshesh, Ah'dunshinkya'shoud'

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT

"...Fine, I'll come back later, but this is only because that is really, really annoying. My ears hurt."

'Shankshoo.'

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT

'...ish not shat big a deeel, wash oly ded...'

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >AJ
"Big Mac"
~~~

>...No, not you-

"So Ah' noticed that one gal, BonBon?"

>Her name's actually Sweetie Drops.

"...Huh. Anyway, that gal's been askin'-"

>NO MAC!

"Just a bit o' literature, AJ, that's all Ah' wanna give ya'!"

>NO!

"...See, this here oppression is exactly why-"

>NO!

"Bourgeoisie."

>HOW DO YA' EVEN SAY THAT SO PERFECTLY!?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________