Chapter 16: Hidden but Never Extinguished

Chapter 16:  Hidden but Never Extinguished

I wake to the sound of my phone.  A groan passes my lips as I reach over and completely fail to grab it off of my nightstand.  I blearily look over and realize that I don't have a nightstand.
Right.
I'm in a tent.
I reach down and grab my phone, pulling it to my head.  "Hi, mom."
"Oh Val, you're doing it still, aren't you?"
And, as with every week, I begin by being chastised.  "Yes.  Most of my work is at night so I sleep during the day.  Don't pretend that you forgot."
"It's not healthy for you!"
I sigh loudly enough to be heard over the phone.

---

I walk over to the glass table.  She looks up at me, smiling.  The way the sun hits her, it's almost possible to think that she has the same complexion as anyone else.  The illusion doesn't last once I sit down, framing her appearance in the rich green of the surrounding foliage.  She slowly releases her breath as she looks over me.  "Oh my goodness, how you've grown."

I wait as she looks over me, searching out each and every change.  "I had no idea.  You've gotten so big!"  Her eyes widen in shock as she reaches out and plucks a hair from my head.  "How in the- you've got a grey!"
I nod.  "Yeah, well, it's stressful work.  So, dad didn't come along?"
Her expression falls and she looks away.  She tries to smile again, but she can't hide how fake it is.  "He's just worried, you know.  He's afraid that you're making the same mistakes he did."
"I figured that out when he called me a 'damn murderer' and disowned me."
She looks away, trying not to hide the pained expression.  We're off to a great start.  She looks back, "He worries.  We both know that you'd never kill someone," she says, trying to surreptitiously search my face for the answer.
I just smile.  "Of course not."  I deliver it so flatly and so uncaringly that the bridge between her brow wrinkles in worry in spite of her attempt to maintain the appearance of trust.

I lean in, resting my arms on the table.  "So, how are they?"
She sighs, grateful for the change in topic.  "They're fine.  Some are married now.  It was hard for them when you just left like that.  Not hearing from their brother for years - you hurt them."  I nod.  I guessed most of that already.  Only one thing sticks out.
"Some?"
"Well, Theresa is still in school, and Cara only just finished it."  She stops, leaving a space where she obviously has more to say.  I smile, thinking that little Tera stopped going by that name, then raise my eyebrows questioningly.  There's a pause as she thinks more on her answer.  "You know Evette had that period when she realize that the rest of us would leave her someday.  I think she'd decided that you wouldn't.  They were all hurt when you left, but she took it the hardest.  She left soon after you did.  We still hear from her now and then, and apparently she's doing fairly well, but she hasn't found a husband yet.  We think she might still be looking for you."

It's not enough.  I want to see them again and hear about their lives.  "Am I an uncle yet?"  The idea has crossed my mind before - to go and see them.  To reenter their lives.  To be their brother again.  I know that it would just be selfishness, though.  It would be cruel of me to enter their lives just to disappear again.
She smiles, genuinely this time.  "Not yet, but soon.  Safiya found just the nicest boy in school; he was the goalie on your soccer team.  Rather lanky, but very handsome as an Incubus."
Oh yeah.  I think I remember that guy.  "Was he trying to get into the space program?"
She laughs, "Yes, actually."
"Not that that'll ever get off the ground."
We both groan at the pun.

And just like that, we're talking again.  The same as it was before.  It's like I never left.  I catch up, learning about how dad's business is going.  She talks sometimes about wanting to have more children, but time's catching up to her.  Adopting mamono has a huge waiting list, since they all have the same desire for children.
"You could always adopt another human," I offer.
Her smile flickers, and I know that I just said something that hurt her.  She looks away, "I don't think I should try that again.  The last time didn't work out so well."

I want to say something.  I can't say that she's wrong, but it's not something that I don't have experience with.  "I've thought about it a lot over the years, from long before I left, but I never did find the answer.  I always wondered if there was a way that humans and mamono could get along as family.  I think I found the answer a long time ago, though.  I figured it out because of Safiya."
Her eyes are squarely on me, fascinated by the words.  "I think it was just trying to make each other happy.  Honest, actual empathy was what it all boiled down to.  Maybe someday there'll be a better answer, but until then we just have to give a damn about each other."  I stop and realize that I never answered her question.  "So I think you should do it."
She swallows.  Then again, but harder.  She looks away as her eyes start to get misty.
I can't have any of that.  "Also, a steel-reinforced door."  She tries not to laugh, but does anyway while slapping my shin with the tip of her tail.

We continue to talk for a time.  I learned about how my sisters have been doing in my absence.  They're living normal, happy lives without me and my curse or my adventuring.  They're settling down and having families.
"Theresa and Cara still talk about you, you know.  They miss you."
I tip my head to the side in the most ambivalent gesture I know.  "Yeah.  I miss them, too."
"Cara blamed herself for a while."  That's a punch straight to the gut.  I think mom can tell, judging by how she went quiet.
And then she starts again.  "You can always come back, you know.  They'd love to see you again.  Who knows, after this much time, you might even-"
"No."

Her reaction isn't what I expected.  She simply smiles further, though there's a trace of sadness to it.  "I figured you'd say that."  She reaches out and brushes the scar on my cheek.

"You're still looking for her, aren't you?"

---

"Yeah, but if they actually went to war with Caithness then there'd be a full-blown-"
There's a sudden feeling of hollowness in my chest, followed by extreme, painful tension as my heart starts to beat again.  The phone clacks loudly after falling two feet to the ground.  It's a second later before I can fill my lungs with air.
It's started.

Dammit.

I wait a moment to see if anything else is happening, before reaching over to grab the phone.  "-al?"
"Yeah, it's me.  Sorry, I just, uh, realized that I'm going to be late for my next mission."
"Oh!  I'm sorry, I didn't know I was keeping you-"
"No no, it's nothing like that."  I stop, still breathing rapidly, trying to remember what my plan was.  Of course it has to happen now.  Couldn't have been off by years in the opposite direction, could it?  "Mom, listen, my next mission's going to be in the west Nomad Lands, where the mana keeps electronics from working."
"So we won't have our talks on Saturdays?"
"No, not for a while.  Depending on how it goes, it could be a few years."
"Years," she shouts through the receiver.
"Yeah, so, sorry, but that's just how it is.  I'll see you," I stop.  Somehow, just this once, I can't bring myself to lie here.  Of all the damn times; I just need this one last word.  I won't have her know what happened.  I won't have any of them blaming themselves.

"Val?"
"Yeah.  I'll see you again when it's done."  I smile so that she'll hear it from the other side, and hold a comfortable tone even as the tears threaten to start.  "Who knows, it might even get done early."
"Yeah," she replies hesitantly, then more strongly.  "Yeah, I'll see you then.  And be sure to call as soon as you get back, okay?"
"Of course."

I inspect the phone as though I'd never seen it before.  Held in a pale, trembling hand.  For the first time I'm honestly grateful that I'm as good a liar as I am.

Despair doesn't have a chance to set in.  I've still got a shot.  If I can get the reward money then my plan will still work.  I get dressed, strap on my pack, and slip the only magic item I've ever purchased over my finger.  I doubt the monster in that tower employs a Manticore, but I prefer to stay warded at all times.

I walk out of my tent just as the sun is starting to set.  The operation isn't planned until just before midnight.  According to the hand-wavers at the tower, that'll be when the lich does his ritual and when he'll be at his weakest.  I'll just have to deal with him before that.

I don't have any time to question my decision.  I start the hour-long walk to the tower.

---

It was the last step that did it.  Like there was a line drawn in the ashes where the world suddenly lost all ambient heat.  It's not just that, either; even though the sun has already set it seems as though even the dim light filtering through the sky has had all of the color filtered out of it.  The world itself around the tower is shifted cold, dark, and grey.  I knew about aspected mana sometimes being strong enough to alter the world, but I'd never experienced it before.  I'd never known that it could be so obvious.

Another feeling of emptiness strikes me squarely in the chest, almost bringing me to my knees before my pulse quickens again.
Dammit.
The death-aspected mana is only going to make it all happen more quickly.  Julian told me about this; magic can't survive its opposite.  I have to finish this first.  I've still got at least an hour, and I can be done before then.

I glare upward at the brown-and-grey streaked claw that reaches skyward in front of me.  From here I can see the stonework, though I wish that I couldn't.  The way the tower was reshaped makes the stone look like tendons lashed together in a manner that seems violently unnatural.
It only takes the one red-black rivulet of blood streaming down the side for me to realize that the tower is not entirely stone anymore.  It's not that the sides look like tendons - it's that they are.
And that paladin had wondered why the scouts didn't find any bodies.

I hesitate for only a moment.  The thing in there isn't mamono; it has no compulsions against killing.  It would sacrifice a child to live forever, ignoring any of the other methods available.  It won't spare anyone who opposes it.  The traps will be lethal, not disabling.

I don't have time to consider my enemy anymore.  The ground in front of the tower shifts and churns as one, then dozens, then hundreds of forms begin pulling themselves from it.  I have a moment of relief as I see the darkened flesh.  I can handle Zombies.  I've dealt with hundreds of them.

These are not them.  Revulsion overwhelms me as I gaze out over their rotted forms.  Their bodies are not so maintained or beautiful as if demonic energy had reanimated them.  The corpses are purple and black, as though all their skin had been bruised, and their eyes are featureless grey-blue orbs.  Their moans aren't sexual at all.  The stench of death hits me like a fist.
I mutter an apology as I raise my lantern.  These things shouldn't exist.  They're not looking for love or even energy - only meat.  The fire grows as I will it, and the first dozen are engulfed in flame.

I step back with each step that they take, watching in horror as they slowly, unknowingly burn.  They don't stop to put out the fire, or even avoid the others that are aflame.  The fire spreads among the desiccated bodies in a wave, even as they mindlessly advance on me.  It only takes a few seconds for the first to fall, and then each row to collapse afterward.
It's obvious, this wasn't an army.  It was only a warning.
One that I force myself to ignore as I make my way around the wall of fire and the stench of burning hair and into the tower itself.

I don't need to wait for my eyes to adapt as I step into the enormous, circular hall, as dozens of sconces along the walls light with magical, heatless grey flame.  A single figure rests on a small, stone seat in the center.  Pale grey-white hair falls to the ground and rests in lumps.  The body would be beautiful, if parts of her skin were not missing in places and her left breast had not been removed.  I cringe inwardly at the sight of another one of these reanimated corpses.
And then it moves, and my breath catches in my throat.

It lifts its head, and yet the eyes don't move.  Its head slowly turns toward me, letting me see the brilliant, striking eyes therein.  I'm standing in front of a Lilim - one of the dead from the war.  I freeze, waiting to see what it does, mind racing as I try to think of what to do.

And then nothing happens.  It continues to stare off into space beyond me, and I continue to hold perfectly still, trying to decide if I should run, burn it, or try to slip past.  It's not intelligent, not anymore, so maybe I could trick it somehow.  I very slowly lift a foot and set it down a few inches away.
And it moves.  A single arm raises and I feel a violent twinge throughout my body as magic explodes through the air in a wave.  My flame surges in its chamber and my breath quickens, but nothing else seems to happen.  The corpse slumps back into its chair, unaware and unmoving.

I stare, dumbfounded for a long moment.
And then it makes sense.  The body still contains all of the inherent magic it had before it died, just not learned magic.  The lich must've set it here and commanded it to blast anything that came in with its charm spells, thinking that no man or mamono would be able to get through.  I take another experimental step, and nothing happens.  It's not a Lilim anymore, just a magical trap that uses the body of one.

Relieved and exhausted, I sigh and walk past the thing, pausing only to conjure another blast of flame.  No matter what she did in life, this is unnatural and wrong and I won't allow it to continue.

Beyond the hallway is a long, winding staircase that seems to circle around the halls within the tower.  The knowledge that I've got a long walk ahead of me only makes the exhaustion worse, and it seems that the Lilim's corpse had another, unintended effect.  My flame is larger because I'm churning out more spirit energy, meaning that I'm running out of life energy even faster than I was before.

I take the first few steps up the stairs and try not to focus on the building sense of weakness.

---

I get up to leave as she frowns, processing what I just told her.  "Well, miss, I thank you for your time."
"Mister Trevor, you should know - there's only one name on this list."
I pause and turn back to the vampire who's now standing in front of her chair.  I swallow, "Well, tell her 'I'm sorry' for me, but I can't stop here."  I turn and I leave, closing another door in my life.

---

Each staircase leads up one level to another hall.  Each hall is a disturbed, unholy laboratory of twisted experiments.  Bodies hang, suspended in sickening fluids.  Flayed corpses somehow fail to decompose on tables, sewn together with no apparent rhyme or reason.  A single eye resting in suspension turns to watch me as I walk through the third hallway, slowly growing more ragged and weary as my body has lost the capacity to restore its strength.  The fourth hall has a thousand crystalline containers, each filled with blood.  The fifth is filled with hundreds of poisonous plants, growing in spite of the absence of light.  There are no traps; it must've thought that no one would get past the entrance.

I lift myself up the last stair, no longer wasting effort trying to control my breathing. I don't know if I'll be able to make it if there's a seventh.  It's not a matter of will or resolve; there just isn't enough energy in my body to lift it up another flight of stairs.  I pull myself up and push open the door to see an unlit hallway, with corridors splitting off from it.  Years of experience tell me that I'm looking at the last walk until I meet the creature at the end.

I'm almost too tired to care.  My muscles ache with the strain of holding myself up, let alone walking.  Just filling my lungs is starting to wear me out.  Everything's starting to break down.
It doesn't matter now.
I'm close.  I'm so close.  I just need to get there.  Julian will handle the rest.  Then I can make things right again.

---

"Hells, I don't know.  I guess niceness?  Someone I can just talk to, probably.  What about you?"
She rolls over to look away from me and groans.  "Don't ask me about that kinda shit, dude."
"Hey, fair's fair."
She groans again in protest of the unfairness of the world before flopping back onto her back.  "I want to take back my question."
"Not happening."
She looks away and rests a red hand on her forehead.  "You can't laugh."
"Why would I laugh?"

She fills her lungs and then just holds the air for a couple minutes.  I'd egg her on, but I know I'd never get an answer if I did.  She finally, cautiously starts.  "I dunno, but I kinda always thought it'd be nice if," and then she stops.
"If?"
She turns and stares at me, annoyed.  "This is stupid."

---

There's a rustling of movement from down own of the branching corridors, causing my beleaguered heart to race.  I really wish it hadn't.

---

"Don't make me start hounding you for an answer, 'cause I'll do it.  You won't be able to sleep with your phone buzzing all night."
"I don't care," she growls, obviously caring a lot.

---

My light only reaches most of the way down the corridors, leaving plenty of room for my mind to fill in dozens of random horrors at the end of each.

---

"Huh, looks like I was," I pause, smiling, "dead wrong."
She twists to glare at me.  "Don't you dare."
"Hey, it's just a simple," pause, "bare bones sort of questio-"
I lean back to just outside of kicking range just as my field of vision flashes red.

---

I move on.  I still haven't found the end of the corridor, but the shuffling of cloth is getting closer.  Louder.
It must've heard me.  If not my ragged breaths then the chains or footsteps that I don't have the energy to quiet.  A bitter smile comes to my lips.  If it's the lich-to-be then I at least have one good swing in my arms, and it isn't immortal yet.

I don't know what I'll do if it isn't.

---

"Huh, I figured I at least had a - ghost - of a cha-"
"All right, all right, just shut up with the damn puns."
I wait, smiling while she takes her time, thinking and grimacing.

"I'd like someone who'd do the chasing, you know?"

---

I pinpoint the location.  The rustling is definitely coming from down this corridor.  I lift my lantern, and for the first time I'm truly aware of how heavy the damn thing is.

---

She frowns in thought as she continues, "I guess that's kinda weird, for mamono I mean."
"Why's that?"
"Well, I mean, we're kinda the ones who are supposed to do the chasing, right?"
"Yeah, I guess."

"I just really want someone who would come after me.  I'd be fine with anyone who'd do that."

---

The light finally reaches the source of the rustling.  In the corner, at the end of the stone hallway is a single figure curled up on the floor.  A half-dozen blankets are strewn out around here, with more wrapped around it.  One of them shifts slightly, and a piercing violet shines back at me from within.

For a moment that's all that happens.  Then it leaps out at me.

---

She turns, warily looking over to me.
"Hey, don't look at me like that.  I told you, I'm not gonna laugh."
She groans a third time and rolls back over.

---

Reflex takes over, and I swing with all the strength I can muster.