Alternate Realities 006

[Alternate Realities Journal 006]

[After making some measurements based on the few bits of data I've been able to hang on to, I've discerned that my stay in each universe has essentially planed out. There seems to be around 8 days between each shift, give or take a few hours.]

[If nothing else, this information will allow me to plan a little better as to how I approach handling each reality, now that I know about when I'll be leaving. I suppose I should try and write entries about each realm more often as well when I have the chance, given the standardized amount of observation time. I'd say that I could also try and track how much they differ from home in some attempt to formulate a pattern, but I already know any potential correlation would be nothing more than coincidence.]

[They |are| getting pretty out there, though.]

===

[Shift 30]

>The sea of trees and mountain ranges beyond the railing extend as far as the eye can see, nearer elements moving by at a brisk pace. The gentle click-clack of the rails and the dull roar of metal rolling along above it set a relaxing tone for the day. It was a good place to lose oneself in thought. So much so that you didn't even notice the hoofsteps of a certain orange earth pony walking up behind you until she spoke.

>"How ya holdin' up there, sugarcube?"

>You pull your eyes from the distant mountains lazily drifting by, and turn around to find Applejack, unable to contain a smile upon laying eyes on her. As expected, she was still wearing some kind of pony-styled train conductor outfit, which you had immediately branded 'hnnngattack ridiculadorable' after seeing her for the first time. Inwardly, of course.

"Oh, pretty good, I suppose. Just admiring the scenery. What's up?"

>"Ah, nothin' much," she replies. "Canterlot's comin' intah range pretty soon, figured we'd pop over there for a spell. Rarity wants to do some shopping, a'course, but the rest of us'll prob'ly meet up with Twilight on her way back to Ponyville. Figured I'd see if ya wanted tah come along."

You turn around to lean your back against the rail. "I don't see why not. I was wondering what Canterlot looked like here anyway."

>AJ gives you a look as you both walk away from the edge. "Whatddya mean by that?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing."

---

>The hum of rolling steel was much fainter towards the center of town, but still audible if you listened closely. Your entourage of friends walked, skipped or flapped along as the six of you headed for the nearest town station. Much like Applejack, the other four wore similarly train-themed attire, and it took all your strength to not bust out laughing at the absurdity of it all.

>"Oh, I can't wait to get to Canterlot," Rarity beams. "I'd do well to sample all the latest fashion trends that have come about since last we linked up with them."

>"I can't imagine it'd be much," responds Rainbow. "It's only been like, a week."

>"I'll have you know the world of fashion is astonishingly fast paced and variable. I don't know what I'dve done if I had been seen in |last week's| hottest outfit |this week|. Why, I'd be positively mortified."

>"Right, I'm sure all the cities of the world'd just come screeching to a halt if that happened."

>"Oh, and what would you do in my horseshoes, hm? Just wear the |same| thing every day? Oh, you do that already, sorry."

>"Only because I found the best outfit already!" She strikes a midair pose. You force the snickers back down your throat. "Besides, if I |really| cared about it, I'd probably do it like I do everything; faster than anypony else. I'd be in a different outfit every day! No, every hour! Minute?"

"Look you two, I hate to interrupt your contest to see who's the most one-dimensional, but could we maybe |not| argue about dresses and going fast for like, ten minutes? I'm having a great day so far and I'd like to continue that trend."

>Pinkie suddenly comes to rest against your back, forelegs draped over your shoulders, as if she fancied herself a scarf. "Oh, you are? That's great! I'm having a great day too, because I'm with all my best friends, and we're going to meet my |other| best friend who I haven't seen in a week, and that'll be even better! What's making your day so great, anon?"

"Mostly the fact that nothing has yet threatened my life and limb, for starters."

>The pinkest train conductor ever slowly slips off your back in surprise at your statement. "Whazzahuh? Whaddya mean by that?"

>Fluttershy flutters shyly up beside you, looking concerned. "Has somepony been threatening to hurt you, Anon?"

>You suddenly realize the currently displaced Anon probably wasn't in life or death situations nearly as often as you were. Might better try to save face.

"Hm? Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that. Just happy to be alive, is all, I guess."

>"Well, if anypony |does| threaten you, we'll be here to help them realize their mistake," Rainbow asserts, throwing a few kicks in the air.

"The fact that I can count on a myriad of colorful pastel ponies to protect me from all the world's evils is all that lets me sleep at night, I assure you. Really though, all my worries are worlds away right now, so let's have a good time and tear up Canterlot."

>Pinkie reattaches to your back. "Anon! We can't go destroying towns! The ponies that live there wouldn't like it!"

"I mean like, let's party."

>"...Oh! Well in that case yeah! Tear it up!"

>"Head's up ya'll, there's Canterlot!"

>Your group hurries over to the railing near the massive steel gate. From beyond the passing trees, the edific spires of Canterlot come into view, before the forests part and reveal the gleaming metropolis proper. The immense tracks below curve, bringing the sight ever closer, until you can make out the faces of each pony citizen waiting at it's link station. Sounds of heavy metal grinding soon catches your attention, as the raised bridge nearby begins it's slow, measured descent. With a loud clang and subsequent spinning of tremendous tumblers a few moments later, the elaborate bridge locks into place.

>Three rising bells from the center of town preface a familiar voice coming on the speaker system; what you believe to be Mayor Mare. "Linking procedures with Canterlot have been completed. Towns will remain linked until Dusk Position, at 160º Solar Time. It is currently 30º ST. Timescale slowing to 2x Positive. Please enjoy your visit."

>You all begins moving along with the rest of the visiting crowd across the link bridge, as Rainbow consults her watch. You casually look over her shoulder, fascinated by the unusual timekeeping device. To begin with, it seemed to be part compass, with the top of the main face always pointing north. With the press of a switch, a plate on the upper half of the dial pops up vertical, before another perpendicular plate does the same; some magical force causing it's edge to always point directly at the sun. A small window in the bottom half of the face obscures all but one point of a engraved disk, the currently displayed symbol being a stylized "+2". Rainbow lifts her foreleg to put the device on level with her eyes in order to read it properly.

>"Alright, looks like the day's gonna be pretty much the full three radians, and at double positive, even."

>"Oh, splendid!" Rarity delights. "That leaves |plenty| of time for shopping, even after we meet up with Twilight and Spike."

>"I wonder what fun stories they'll have to tell us about their stay? Like, if they went to any parties! I'll bet Canterlot parties are like, super duper fancy!"

>"Ah'm sure they are in a place like this. So where ya'll wanna hit first?"

"I don't know about you fine trainhorses, but I'm pretty starved. What's the best  place to grab a bite in this crazy joint?"

>"Ooh, I know just the place. Trust me, you'll love it, Anonymous."

---

>To Rarity's credit, you did very much enjoy your meal, especially the little train-shaped cakes they had for dessert. Everything was trains here, it seemed. It was actually a little bit weird when you started thinking about it. Relative to everything else, anyway.

>You eventually came to find that four train-themed clothing boutiques was your tolerance limit for looking at the exact same god damn clothes over and over, so you had left the group proper, collectively deciding to meet up once the towns reached Dusk Position. Spike had already reglued himself to Rarity, but Twilight, having been in Canterlot for a week already and therefore as disinterested in train clothes as you were, opted to accompany you on what was little more than an aimless ramble through town.

"So how'd the uh, you know, the whatever you were doing here go?"

>"It wasn't anything serious, just a few meetings with the princess. We were only linked for half a radian at Neutral time, so I elected to just stay until next linkup, which gave us some time to do some actual catching up. But it was fine, thank you."

"Alright, well cool, good to hear."

>You can't help but focus on the odd lines and conduits running along the various parts of Twilight's Magitech Engineer outfit, small pulses of purple light constantly flowing one way or another. It was unlike any of the others' more demure 'trainclothes', in that the inspiration was there, but it was so far and beyond the baseline you were beginning to wonder if there was more to this bizarre world than the immediately obvious. Twilight apparently picked up on these feelings, turning to look at you with mildly concerned intrigue.

>"Are you alright, Anon? You've been acting strange since the link."

"Am I? Sorry, I'm just a little out of sorts today."

>"Really? How so?"

>You had caught a break with Applejack, who was never one to pry. Twilight, though, had a persistence that seemed to transcended multiple realities. There wouldn't be any finagling away from the subject matter here, so you might as well get it over with.

"Well, I don't know, really. It's like... you ever feel like you just don't belong? Like, in the greater scheme of things?"

>She looks to the ground ahead, a sudden solemn overtaking her. "Sometimes." The two of you reach one edge of town, looking back towards the Ponyville side. The railing here wasn't as high as the one on your home's balcony, being designed with much shorter creatures in mind, so a 'casual lean' was out of the question. "Sometimes I feel like I really |shouldn't| be here, and that the position I'm in might be better off in somepony else's hooves. I think everyone probably does at some point. But when it comes down to it, I know there's a reason for me to be here as I am, and my friends are a testament to that."

"Ah yes, the whole friendship thing. But like... what if you weren't so sure that position should even exist? What if your placement in this world was actually a complete accident, and there is in fact no great reason or purpose to it beyond a cosmic fuckup? How long could you stand to just go with the flow of things before you realize you're a rock in a turbulent stream; stuck fast in the riverbed, and being continually worn down over time until there's nothing left?"

>Twilight looks back to you, her concern deepened. "Anon, what brought all this on? I thought you had gotten over these kind of thoughts about a year ago."

You can only smile at her ironic naivete. "I don't think it's really a thing you ever 'get over', but... it's been on my mind a bit more often as of late, due to certain circumstances. Circumstances I'm afraid not even my friends can help me through."

>"I don't believe that, Anonymous. True friends will always come through in the end."

A dry laugh escapes your throat. "I wish I was in a position to still think so, myself."

>Twilight returns her attention to her home in the distance. The two of you stand in silence for a time, the gears in her head grinding away. Maybe she was piecing together your true situation, or just remained perpetually confused. Either way, she seemed to find the words she was looking for soon enough.

>"I won't profess to know the deeper machinations of fate, but... if you don't feel like the world has anything in store for you, why not just make your own way through it?"

You can't help but smile. "I think that's what I've been doing, isn't it? ...It just gets tiring after a while, you know?"

>A smile of her own breaks through the somber tone pervading the conversation. "I do. Maybe not quite in the same way you do, but I have an idea of it."

>Another silence comes across the two of you, thankfully minus the apprehensive tension. Your mind wandered to brighter places for once, knowing someone out there has at least some idea what you're going through. Eventually, you come back to something you wanted to at least take a chance at figuring out before your inevitable departure.

"So, I don't know if I ever asked this before, but is there any particular reason why all the cities in the world were built on huge trains, just constantly riding around the planet?"

>Twilight perks up pretty quickly, getting that 'I'm about to talk nonstop for four hours' look in here eyes. "Actually, it's a pretty interesting story. See, Celestia and Luna–"

>"Look out!"

>The warning came too little too late, as it's point of origin careens headlong into the back of you, causing a forward stumble. You try to recover, but only manage to spin around and catch a glimpse of the horrified look of a small orange pegasus, seated in some kind of tiny train-  earth pony and unicorn friends in the towed caboose-  before tumbling over the edge.

>"Anon!"

>You scramble in midair for any sort of leverage, finding it briefly in a piece of the nearest gigantic wheel's exterior, which you are amazingly lucky to not have fallen into headfirst. The act turns out to be futile, as the rotation brings you straight to the ground below anyway. You impact at an insignificantly slower speed than had you just freefallen, tucking into the roll as best you can. From there, you proceed to tumble through the wind-swept grass and dirt to a halt.

>It's unusually peaceful down on the ground, considering the two massive trains rolling along on either side of you. So much so that the idea of ever moving again struck you as foreign and detestable; this grass was the most comfortable thing you've ever laid on, and it would be an insult to not heed it's embrace. It was the perfect time for a quick nap. If only that annoying bird would shutup.

>"...Anon! Get up!"

>The bird sounded a lot like Twilight.

>You force your eyes open and jolt upright, pain shooting through your body. Craning your neck upward you see the purple equine galloping along the town's edge, slowly losing distance as the train's forward movement outpaced her own.

>"Hurry! Get to the synchro-lift!"

>You turn to notice the large metal platform hovering just above the ground nearby. Sparks flew from the gears of the smaller track attached to the side of the train, reverse movement keeping the platform still relative to yourself. You scramble to your feet off the hard, uncomfortable ground and go about hobbling towards it. As if mocking you, the platform took this cue to start moving away. A glance back told you the end of the train was coming, and therefore an end to the device's track. You finally found your footing and broke into a run, slowly getting closer to the machine as it accelerated away from you.

>You were not nearly fast enough. Stumbling to a stop, you rest on your knees, breaths heavy and deep. You could do little more than watch the mobile town drift away over the horizon. You spent a thought on wondering if they would come back for you. Probably not the whole town, but perhaps some smaller, normal train. Or maybe just your standard pegasus search party.

>If any of that shit Twilight said held any weight, someone would come back for you.

---

>Nobody came back for you. Thanks a lot Trainlight Enginerd-kle.

>Due to your continued lack of timekeeping devices, you were unsure how much of it had passed since your impromptu meeting with the more static groundplane of this world. Not that you could read this place's crazy watches anyway. One thing was for sure, however; it was dark. Really, really dark. Darker than that last universe where each pony was a primarily black and red alicorn with a deep, troubled past.

>You were never much of one to fear the dark back home. Either of them, in fact. Spending several hours huddled under a hastily constructed leanto, clutching a magical shotgun close at heart as your only defense from whatever unimaginable monstrosities lurked in the dark of a world where the people built their lives on an elaborate system of heliocentrically locked trains to presumably escape their grasp does things to change that for a man. The fact that nothing here had yet been horrifically deadly only furthered your suspicions.

>If there was one thing you had come to know for certain, it was that you were never truly safe.

>You heard a whistle. Carefully peering out into the darkness led you to notice the moving lights in the distance. Another train? Had they come back afterall?

>No time to waste. Pinning your continued survival on this distant hope, you burst forth from your shelter and make a mad break for salvation. You do your best to not look back at anything you see or hear in the underbrush of the forest, knowing it surely meant death. Strange sounds become apparent as you reach the treeline, which you break through to find something you did not completely expect.

>It was not a rescue, but rather an entire city, different from the last.

>Lights of every color flash and twinkle on it's many buildings and signs. The sounds you heard earlier turn out to be some kind of swing music, blasted from the many speakers dotted about town. None of the buildings and homes fit any sort of standard form factor, each unique and grandiose beyond reasonable limitations. For all intents and purposes, it looked like... no, impossible.

>Not about to let this chance pass you by, you run closer and try to flag down one of the citizens near the rails. Thankfully a guard running one of the link stations spots you, and sends you one of those crazy lifts. Now having ample time to board, you clamber on and are raised to what you sincerely hoped was safety.

>The lights are blinding as you crest the edge of town, the night guard escorting you off the lift and into town proper. "Welcome aboard. What were you doing down there all alone, anyway?"

"I... uh, I fell. Off of Canterlot."

>"Really? How'd you manage that?"

"...Don't ask."

>With a nonchalant shrug, the guard drops it. "As you wish. Welcome to Lunopolis, traveler."

"...Lunopolis?"

>It is at this time you look up and notice the largest, most grandiose sign you've ever seen, hanging high above all at the center of town. It depicted a waving Princess Luna in alternating lights, and bore the words "LUNOPOLIS – Where the Night never Ends". Your eyes trail back to the many buildings, which you now realize were elaborate casinos and bars.

>"Anon! You made it!"

>The sudden call of your name draws your attention. You find what you're pretty sure is Vinyl Scratch, that one DJ pony Pinkie usually got to do music back home. Here she sported some kind of electric blue energy suit similar to Twilight's, but with an obvious auditory flair, given the built in speakers and headphones. She excitedly trots over and greets you.

>"Boy, I thought you'd never get here. You always talk about visiting but never get around to it."

"I... I do?"

>"Well yeah! Looks like you finally gave old Twilight the slip though, eh? Most daytowners are such prudes, I'm amazed you can stand being around them so much. So, what say we get to it?"

She starts to walk away, but you stop her, still not totally sure on things. "Wait, so, this place is like this all the time?"

>"Of course, why else would Princess Luna build it on one of the only two night trains?"

"Two? What's the other– wait, don't tell me. Las Pegasus, right?"

>"You know it. In fact, we're due to link up with them in a few days. And that's when the party |really| gets going."

>So, you were in a world that built giant heliocentric train towns to avoid the evils of gambling, drinking, and having a good time. And you had just switched to that other side of the coin.

>"So you ready to go or what?"

>You know what? Fuck paranoia and being perpetually on guard. You were going to have fun here if it killed you.

"Oh hell yes."

===

[Shift 31]

>As if your head wasn't exploding enough inside, the shock of shifting did not entirely help the crushing hangover you were in the middle of. Had you not already been bent over a toilet, you might have thought it odd that you were on your hands and knees in the middle of the library in this new universe. But right now all you could think about was that the candlelight of this stupid tree was entirely too god damn bright.

>Stumbling to your feet, you try to make sense of things; a difficult task in your impaired state. The interior of the library wasn't made of flesh or anything out of the ordinary, so that was a step in the right direction. Was this maybe another halfway normal reality? Or was there some horrific shoggoth Twilight creeping in the shadows waiting to pounce, ready to rape your every sensibility?

>"Anonymous? Where are you?"

>Time to find out, it seemed. Against your better judgment, which was out to lunch at the time anyway, you answer her call.

"In here, Twilight."

>"Oh, good." You hear a bit of shuffling about, from which you try to piece together what ridiculous number of legs Horror Twilight was packing. It almost sounded like less than  usual, but that couldn't be right. "I was afraid that time you ended up in Rarity's closet aga-"

>Her words stop abruptly, along with your heart. Of all the insane, ridiculous, unfathomable forms she's taken, this was the one you least expected. You struggle to find the words, but before you can put your mind back together, Twilight asks the question you were looking for herself.

>"You're... human?"

-----

>You sifted through some of Rarity's old stocks, looking for anything that caught your eye. Despite occurrences in the last reality, you found that being able to actually |wear| the clothes made you a lot more interested in shopping. You soon pick out two garments and turn to the seamstress nearby.

"So, I think I'm going for the 'wandering vagabond' look. Whaddya think, traveling cloak, or duster coat?"

>Rarity looks over the two choices intently, as well as your body, comparing pros and cons in her head. "I think... the cloak, definitely."

You turn and place the duster back on the rack where you found it. "Yeah, you're right. Can't really rock a duster without the hat to go with it. And I don't think I can rock a stetson at all."

>"You might if'n ya try," comments Applejack, milling about nearby.

"You think? Rarity's fresh out though, can I try yours on?"

>"No."

There's a bout of light chuckling all around. "Yeah, alright. So, looks like it's just the cloak and bandanna then. Let's see..."

>You rummage around in your bag, accidentally poke yourself on that stupid fucking scimitar again, and eventually pull out a small handful of bits, which you present to the purple-haired shopkeep. She leans over, eyeing the coins pensively, before picking one up and inspecting it closer.

>"'Minted under the authority of the New Lunar Republic'?"

"Uh, whoops, wrong money, sorry." You dump the no longer legal tender coins back into the bag. "Yeah, I think I'm actually broke, technically."

>Rarity waves off your concerns. "Not a problem, dear, it's on the house."

"You sure? With the way you give stuff away it's a wonder you make any profits at all."

>"Yes, no trouble at all. Besides, I'm guessing this is more of a 'rental' anyhow."

You didn't have the heart to tell her your true intentions. "Alright sure, whatever."

>The bell at the front rings with the opening of the door, which Twilight enters through. "Hey girls, Anon. You get everything you needed?"

You throw on the cloak and go about tying the bandanna around your neck, in the least gay style you can manage. "I think so, yeah. Thanks again, Rarity. See you later, AJ."

>"You're welcome."

>"See ya."

---

>You trail along behind Twilight on the way back to the library, again admiring the late evening sights of Ponyville, if it was even called that here. Really, the place looked basically the same, besides everything being scaled up accordingly. That and, you know, the fact that all the horses you knew were human, here. It was a little strange, honestly; you've been in some version of magical horseland for so long you had started to forget what your own kind looked like.

>You didn't remember the wings and horns, though. Curiosity led you to wonder what the races were called here. Unihuman? Pegaperson? Normal? Humanicorn Twilight's eventual comment pulls you out of your tangent.

>"You know, you've adapted amazingly well to being bipedal."

"What can I say, I'm a fast learner."

>"Still not sure you needed to go buying new clothes, though. I don't know if the spell is permanent, and even if it was I'd probably find some way to turn you back eventually."

"While this is true, I see no reason to not look as dapper as possible in the meantime."

>"A cloak and bandanna is 'dapper' to you, huh?"

"And what would you know of being dapper, miss sweatervest and kneeskirt?"

>"There's nothing wrong with sweatervests! They make me look astute."

"They also make you look like a librarian."

>"...I |am| a librarian."

"Yeah, well, case in point."

>Upon reaching the library, you open the door and gesture inside, in such a way as to be as derisive as possible. Gotta keep up appearances afterall.

"After you, miss astute sweatervested librarian."

>"Why thank you, mister wandering desert traveler."

>That's what it was you were thinking about, desert traveler. Maybe you should have gotten some kind of hat afterall. Probably would have come in handy at some point, actually.

>Closing the door behind you, you find yourself staring at Twilight again. These past few days you'd been getting along a lot more than you ever did with her horse versions, now that you think about it. Her more annoying elements seemed distant and obscured, letting the positives shine through. The two of you actually connected on a lot of points as it turned out. It was almost as if...

>"See something you like there?"

Her notice catches you off guard, and you fumble a bit. "No, I uh...though I saw... it's nothing."

>She raises an eyebrow at your completely smooth handling of the situation, before turning back to unloading her own purchases for the day with a smirk. Was she right, though? Was there something there, now that the species barrier had been abolished? You had to admit she looked kind of cute, even with that ridiculous purple horn jutting out of her forehead. And despite your earlier comment, there was nothing wrong with  the cute librarian look. So was there truly an... attraction?

>You had to keep reminding yourself. It's Twilight; the bane of your existence. The icon of your ire. The cause of much grief and misery that's befallen you lately, most importantly the fine interdimensional mess you currently found yourself in. You should hate every facet of her existence. But, then again... that wasn't |this| Twilight. |This| Twilight had yet to truly wrong you, though it could be only because of the short time you'd thus far been in contact. And without that element, she seemed much more... appealing, strangely enough. Maybe, under different circumstances, you and your own Twilight might...

>"Anon?"

>Human Twilight looked up at you curiously. In your daze, you didn't even notice yourself walking over to her. A multitude of emotions were at play beneath her straightforward exterior, much like your own. You searched frantically for the words to explain the situation; something, anything.

"Twilight, I... I think I..."

>No more words are allowed, as Twilight suddenly grabs hold of you and locks you into a kiss. It lasts for an unknowable amount of time, before she finally breaks away. You both stare at each other, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of things. But as you both pull back together in a more passionate embrace, it's clear what emotions had won out in the end.

>Your intertwined forms blindly stumble towards the foyer table, and you hastily brush several of the items off of it to lift her onto it, chief among them one or two books. The sound of bound spines striking hardwood manages to pull Twilight away from your new collective goal.

>"Not the books!"

"Sorry."

>"...Come on."

>The makeout session continues, with Twilight's half now guiding the both of you towards the staircase. You quickly discovered the difficulty of climbing stairs in tandem, but eventually manage and find yourselves in the bedroom. The door is magically slammed shut as the two of you make your way towards the bed. In the times you pull away for breath, you voice a potential concern.

"What... about Spike?"

>"Sleepover... with crusaders..."

>Praise the sun for this universe not making him into a dog or something. The four kids all being the same type of creature lent itself better to them spending time together, luckily. With a mighty creak, the bed was finally located, allowing your sudden connection to further in the most natural way possible. At least it would, if you could get these damned pants off. Reluctantly, you break away from the horny horned female, and get to work in a more focused, two handed approach, as she does the same.

>"All this time, when you were a pony, I had these thoughts... It's good to see I wasn't alone."

"You have no idea."

>You were having an unusual difficulty getting this fucking button undone. You made a mental note to buy some better pants before leaving, these were starting to overstay their welcome. Just when you were about to give up and break out the scimitar, a purple glow enveloped the offending clasp and finished it off for you.

"Thanks, I–"

>A glance back up told you Twilight had already finished her fight with clothing. The sight actually stunned you momentarily. If you were in a more clear-headed state of mind, you might find it funny that the cutie mark was another element that carried over to this world. Your brain eventually re-rails itself, and you basically leap out of your pants. A heart-printed piece of cloth was all that stood before you and your goal now, but you were forced to delay it just a bit longer as you were pulled back into her embrace.

>After a bit more foreplay, the time had finally come. Twilight slid down a bit, and you assumed the position above. The boxers finally came off. And it was at this time you finally noticed a very pertinent issue.

>Someone was still asleep.

>Twilight was quick to notice as well. "Is... something wrong?"

"No, I... it's just been a while, is all. Gimme a bit here."

>You push yourself back into another kiss, which she accepts with only slight reluctance. A million things race through your head in the meantime. What could be the cause of this failure to heed the call of action? Was your mind elsewhere? No, this was as lucid and focused as you've been in months. Were you having second thoughts? Impossible, everything seemed right. ...Wasn't it? …Come on damnit, wake up! This was quite possibly your |last| chance at interaction like this with another human-like entity! If anything you should be jumping at the chance! Unless... no. No, it couldn't be.

>You finally break contact, new feelings driving an impassable divide between the two of you. Twilight looks up at your distant expression, now more concerned than ever.

>"Anon, what is it?"

"I... I can't."

>"You can't? Oh, no, I should have known. I knew we were rushing into this, but I just couldn't think straight. I'm sorry, we can slow down if you–"

"It's not that, I... I just..."

>Now she was getting a little irritated. "You just what?"

"I just... I can't..."

>"What? What can't you?" she all but shouts. It was enough to push you through the barrier.

"I can't fuck you because you're not a |horse|!!"

---

>"Holy crap man, you did |not| actually say that."

"Much as I'd like to agree with you, I totally did. Shouted it right in her face."

>Soarin looks at you in total bewilderment as you tip back your mug. Braeburn is unavailable for comment, being far too busy laughing his ass off at the other side of the table. Big Mac had amazingly held his general stoicism.

>"So, what happened after that?"

"Well,  I didn't exactly stay too long after that. Twilight went into full-on bitchmode, threw what little possessions I had out on the lawn. Then I kinda came straight here, where I've been since you guys found me."

>"Now that much makes sense," Soarin finalizes, finally over his astonishment enough to take a sip of his own drink.

"Yeah, just another chapter in this ridiculous journey I call a life. I doubt Twilight's gonna want to see me for a while. By the way, thanks for letting me shack up in the barn for the next few days, Mac."

>"Eeyup," philosophizes Big Mac, before taking a swig of his own. Braeburn finally quit laughing enough to put in his own commentary.

>"Oh man, that's the funniest darn thing ah ever heard. Even with a magic spell that done turned ya human, you still have eyes only for yer own kind."

You put a hand to your chin in thought for a moment, before using it to point at the accented drinking buddy. "Yeah, let's go with that."

>Big Mac and Braeburn eye you somewhat suspiciously as you take another long drink, the latter still unable to quell his smile. Luckily you can always count on Soarin, as the statement evidently went totally over his head, and he keeps the conversation moving forward.

>"So, what'cha gonna do now?"

"Nothing much |to| do, I suppose. Guess I'll probably just wait out the rest of the shifffuuuh, spell. Should be just a few more days. Oh, one more thing. When it ends, I'm not gonna remember anything that happened this entire week, so if you guys could, you know, fill me in on certain things, that'd be great."

>"Hey man, anything fer a fella that buys us this many rounds. Matter 'a fact, I'm runnin' a little dry. Bartender!"

You bring the cold drink to your mouth once more, embracing it as the only lover that would never betray you. "Heheh, yeah."

>Man, they are gonna be so pissed when they find out you don't have any money.

===

[Shift 32]

"Can I get a new universe or something? I think this one's broken."

>You were not entirely sure who you were talking to. You've been wandering around this most recent instance of Ponyville for almost an hour, and have yet to find a single pony amongst it's moderately drab and dilapidated homes, friend or otherwise. Were they in hiding? Was this another Zecora situation? It seems unlikely the inhabitants of this world had never seen you before, given you popped up in another version of your own house, only vaguely dissimilar from what you remember. Though it's been a long time since last you saw any version of it.

>How long have you been gone, at this point? At least a few months. You curse your decision to not start wearing a watch some time after first arriving in Equestria. |Your| Equestria, anyway. Maybe it was for the best; knowing how long you'd been away from everyone you knew might just send you into another one of those spiraling depressions that drive deeper the higher your blood alcohol level gets. And all that's good for is burning through your stash at a faster pace than usual.

>You were just about to assume this was some kind of zero-summed Equestria, when an all too familiar magical explosion comes from the direction of the Golden Oaks library. And that could only mean one of two things; either the bindings on some of the more magical books had finally decayed enough to begin violently destabilizing, or Twilight was up to her usual tomfoolery. Only one way to find out.

---

>Colorful smoke pours out of the frame as you open the front door. You can't see much through the thick mystical veil, but hear coughing from within.

"Twilight, you still breathing?"

>The coughing abates long enough for a response. "Yes! Everything's fine!"

>Strange, her voice sounded different. More... regal, almost. You pull your bandanna up to cover your nose and mouth, and wade into the sparkling fog.

"What were you even doing in here, trying to copy Trixie?"

>A prompt wind spell finally clears out the miasma, and you find... Princess Celestia, painted purple, with a drawing of Twilight's cutie mark taped over her own. ...Okay.

>"It was just a simple illusory effects potion, but... I don't think I mixed it right."

"Ahuh. Was, uh, was one of the side effects turning into Princess Celestia?"

>Princess Twilightia gives you a confused look, before inspecting her body. She apparently finds nothing out of place. "No, why?"

"So... you always look like that, then?"

>She turns back to the alchemical mixing station to resume her work. "Far as I remember, yes."

>You saunter over and tug at the feathers of one of her wings, currently strapped down against her body in some kind of entirely unsuccessful attempt at hiding them.

"And the wings, too?"

>She looks back, again perplexed. "Anon, what are you talking about? Unicorns don't have wings. Now if you're done being silly, I'm glad you're here. I had a favor I wanted to ask of you."

You idly scratch the back of your head. "Okay."

>"Applejack wanted me to help with something over at the farm, but I'm too busy to go right now. Can you go in my stead?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." You weren't entirely up for running errands right now, but the confusion choking off your brain prevented anything but agreement at the time being.

>"Thanks, I owe you one."

"Yeah, no problem... I guess," you reply, but she was already too reabsorbed in her work to hear you anymore. You opt to quietly let yourself out.

>Well, that was weird. ...Was it really? After everything you'd seen, was this really all that strange? ...It didn't matter. It was time now to make for the farm, even if you weren't entirely sure anyone would be there to meet you.

---

>The perfectly aligned trees of the orchard rise over the horizon at your approach. From this distance, the place looks as deserted as the rest of town, but as you recall it did occasionally look like that under normal circumstances, when each member of the family was busy with some apple related task or another. As if to prove you wrong, you start to catch the faint sound of hooves striking wood as you neared. So that meant someone definitely |was| here. That, or you'd finally lost it.

>You amble into the orchard in the direction of the bucking, spying a familiar orange blob in the distance. Breathing an inward sigh of relief, you quicken your pace. The distant farm worker moves out of sight behind another tree, and you call out before losing her completely.

"Hey, AJ!"

>"Anon,? That you?" she calls back, still out of sight. You use the time to finally close the distance.

"Yeah, hey. Listen, I wanted to ask you something about Twilight–"

>Your potential conversation partner finally pokes her head around the tree, and... it's Celestia again, only now she was orange, a picture of apples in place of the starburst. Her wings were still taped down, and that trademark hat was sitting awfully far forward on her head, as if hiding something really obvious.

>"Yeah? It have anythin' to do with what I wanted tah see her about?"

>That accent applied to Celestia's more mature voice was throwing you off. It sounded like she was doing a parody voice of the real Applejack, rather than an honest attempt at impression. The pause in your reply brought Celestiajack concern.

>"You alright there, sugarcube?"

"...Yeah! Yes, totally. Absolutely fine."

>"...Alright. What was it yah wanted to talk about?"

"Nevermind, it's nothing. Twilight was just busy and sent me instead."

>The unusual farmer sighs. "I mighta known. Sometimes that girl gets so intah her studies I swear she'd forget tah eat if Spike weren't there." You couldn't help but wonder. "Well, you'll probably do just as well. Follah me tah the barn."

---

>The two of you stand in the center of the barn, watching some... thing, rummage around in the hayloft. You weren't entirely sure |what| it was, but it was a safe bet it probably wasn't Winona.

>"That dern critter got in some time last night, and I gotta get him outta here before Pinkie can start settin' up the party."

>You almost ask what the party was for, but stop yourself, because it never mattered. Even in a reality where you were pretty sure Pinkie didn't actually exist.

"So, if it's an animal, why'd you need Twilight's help? Wouldn't Fluttershy be a better choice?"

>"Well, normally, yeah, but it's– whoa!"

>The offending creature finally makes its presence known, leering ominously over the loft's edge. It was, without exaggeration, the biggest god damn parasprite you've ever seen. If you tried to slam dunk the bastard, it wouldn't fit through the rim. The beast snarls at the two of you, before returning to it's important task of rummaging furiously.

"Okay, yeah, that's a big bug. Didn't even know they could |get| that big. So, uh, what the hell you expect me to do?"

>"See, I was gonna get Twilight to magic the bugger on outta here, but I figure you can at least use them hands to wrassle 'im on down from there."

You can't help but stare at the precariously balanced hat all but hovering over her blond-tinted, still decidedly astral mane. Can't you just, uh... |magic| it on down yourself?

>Applestia gives you a look of utter bewilderment. "Say what? Earth ponies can't use magic, ya crazy ape. ...You sure you're feelin' alright?"

"Right, yeah, sorry. Must have slipped my mind. Well, I better get to it then."

>You avoid all eye contact as you make for the ladder nearby and start climbing towards the loft. You had no idea why you agreed to deal with such an undoubtedly dangerous beast. Considering a normal size parasprite could bite your entire head off if it felt like it, this one was probably just going to eat you whole. It was as fitting an end to your journey as any.

>Carefully, you peer over the edge of the loft platform, scanning for the semi-magical pest. It wasn't hard to spot, actually; just look for the straws of hay periodically shooting into the air. Climbing fully onto the platform, you slowly creep towards the disturbance, making sure not to draw its attention too soon. As you get within grabbing distance, the barn betrays you; a loud squeak coming from the board you had just stepped on.

>Like lightning, the insect-winged furry beachball whirls around, glaring at you with it's immense compound eyes, angered growling returning. You back up a few steps, hands at the ready in the "shit son, calm down" position. With the primary plan of whatever the bloody hell you thought you were doing out of the question, you make your best efforts to channel Fluttershy instead.

"Hey there, big guy. I'm not gonna hurt you. Look, I hate to stop you from doing... actually, what are you doing up here?"

>Sitting behind the defensive creature you spy a wooden bucket, filled with apples. Figures. As to what those apples were doing up in a hay loft was anyone's guess.

>"You alright up there? What's that bugger intah anyway?"

"Basket of apples," you call back over your shoulder cautiously.

>"What in tarnation is a bushel doing up– aw, consarnit.  Big Mac must be stowin' 'em to ferment again."

>Ferment? Did apples do that before being put into a shot glass? Now that you look at it the snarling wild animal does look a little unsteady. And all at once, you knew exactly how to deal with this situation.

>Reaching into your magic bag of completely straightforward devices, you eventually fish out a bottle of apple brandy. Curiously, the beast perks up at the sight of it, as if it were already familiar with the concept of bottling. Because why the hell not, really? You unscrew the stopper, and carefully offer the bottle forward. The creature approaches just as cautiously, giving a few testing sniffs at the container of ambrosia. Finding the contents to its liking, the beast opens wide and consumes the container whole.

>At least it would have, had you not jerked back at the last second. A microsecond slower and you'd have one less arm to face the world with. Which would not be very good for your continued survival, considering that was your gun-shooting hand. The ounce or two that escaped the bottle's neck during your retraction was hardly enough to sate the beast; the hungry look in it's many eyes putting you mildly at unease.

"Want more, do you? Well..." With great regret, you bid the bottle your final goodbyes. "...Go get it!"

>Gathering all the might you can, you turn and hurl the bottle out the hayloft window. The mega-parasprite watches it go for only a second, before lunging after it. Like the most graceful, fattest, drunkest flying yoga ball you've ever seen, it actually heads off the bottle in mid-air and catches it in its immense maw. Awestruck, you temporarily forget the noble sacrifice of your companion to give it a well-deserved round of applause. You swear the thing smiles at you in response, before turning and shakily buzzing away in the direction of the everfree.

>Ridiculous task completed, you hop down from the loft to a patiently waiting big orange horse. "So, did'ja get it?"

"I did. No longer shall you worry about any alarmingly large creatures terrorizing your barn. You owe me a bottle of brandy, though."

>"Uh, alright," she replies, slightly quizzical at that last statement. She then turns and heads for the door. "Well, now that that's taken care of, might as well let Pinkie know she can start setting up that party."

>The regal rancher shortly exits the barn, closing the door behind her. Before you can take the ten steps over to leave yourself, the door bursts back open with an explosion of confetti. A pink-tinted Celestia appears from it dramatically, party hat already installed with completely inconspicuous placement.

>"Party time!"

>You couldn't say you were surprised. Irritated, sure, but not surprised. The speed of the change was impressive, though. She was barely gone 5 seconds. Probably more magic bullshit at play. The recently pinkified horse bounds into the barn, already in the process of hanging streamers and decorations from the giant, conveniently obscuring pile on her back.

>"Hey Anon! You wanna help set up the party?"

You throw your hands up in moderate frustration. "I cannot think of a single reason why not."

>Any underlying feelings of ill will fly completely over the enthusiastic princess' head, as if she were the real deal. "Great!" A completely different giant pile of decorations is produced from nowhere and shoved into your arms. With a sigh, you start hanging.

>As the two of you work, you can't help but keep staring at the equine enigma. Every so often she glances back and gives you one of those giant smiles, like nothing was out of the ordinary. It was starting to bug you, honestly. And you've dealt with enough buggy things for one day already. Time to do something about it. Once you finish with your armload, you casually saunter closer to the altered alicorn.

"Hey... Pinkie. You're an earth pony, right?"

>You get another one of those confused stares. "Well, duh. What else would I be, silly? An alicorn?" She emits a slightly snorty laugh at the ridiculous prospect.

"Hm, yes. So, if you're an earth pony, then, why do you have... |this horn|?"

>With great swiftness you reach out and yank the party hat off her head, to find hiding beneath it... nothing.

"...What the?"

>"Hey, what was that for?"

>Off balance, but not down for the count yet, you dash around to her side.

"But then wings!"

>You lift up the pile of decorations she was pulling from. No wings. How did she... no. Don't question it. There lies the road to madness. You let the pile back down.

>"Anon, are you feeling alright? Applejack said you were a little off today."

>You look at her concerned expression, a slightly manic glint in your eye.

"Yes, of course! Never better! In fact, I need to go see Twilight about something." You rapidly spin around and powerwalk to the barn door. You exit halfway, before leaning back through and pointing at the confused, but still decidedly cheery pink partyer. "Wait |right| there."

---

>There was no reason for you to be running towards the library, determined to outrun a creature you knew full well had access to all manner of high-level magics. You |knew| these variants of a world you once knew followed no set logic or reason. You should be used to going with the flow and accepting whatever crazy bullshit they threw at you. And after several solid months of this, you thought you |were| used to it.

>You weren't, though. This place; maybe it was the final straw. Even if you thought you ran |out| of final straws several shifts ago. One thing was now certain, though. If this universe didn't make sense, you'd |make| it make sense. Even if you had to do something insane yourself, like run headlong into a blue Celestia flapping low to the ground because you weren't fully paying attention to the direction of your mad sprint.

>"Whoa! Watch where you're going, ya lunkhead!"

>You carefully untangle yourself from the comical heap you and the rainbow-maned solar diarch had tumbled to a stop in. Looking past her anger, you notice the wings are for once unobscured, given the identity she had assumed. Her horn however just had a small piece of paper taped to it, the words "not a horn" scrawled on it in black crayon. You force yourself to not think about it, staying focused on the task at hand.

"Sorry about that. But listen, Celestia, I'm getting kind of sick of this, so you mind telling me what's going on here?"

>You get yet another confused look, but remain stoic in your own. "Celestia? What? Anon, did you hit your head during the fall or something?"

"No, I did not. I am completely lucid right now, probably moreso than I've been for a couple weeks. I'm just sick of all this fucking around, to be honest."

>Rainbowlestia eyes you cautiously. "Ahuh..." She looks around a bit, before evidently noticing something behind you. "Oh, hey Rarity. I'm glad you're here. Can you help me talk some sense into Anon? He thinks I'm Celestia or something."

>You turn around. Nothing is there.

"Nice try, but I'm not falling for–"

>You turn back. Celedash is gone.

>"Celestia? My word, Anon. Confusing myself and the princess, maybe, but Rainbow?"

>You turn back around. Celestia is there instead, mane purple, wings obscured by a fancy dress. Words suddenly become very difficult to make.

"But you... you were literally just... Hrng."

>You have to force your mind back on track. She had magic. Crazy, super powerful magic. She could do things like this right? Hell, |Pinkie| could do things like this, and she's an earth pony. ...Granted she's also |Pinkie|, so maybe that didn't count.

"Okay, so you're Rarity now? That's cool I guess, but I'm still waiting on that explanation."

>"Excuse me? Oh dear, don't tell me you think  |I'm| Celestia as well."

"That's what evidence is leading me to believe."

>"Come now, Anonymous. We can't |both| be Celestia. She's powerful, but I don't think she can be in two places at once."

"Right, which is why you haven't yet."

>Rarilestia huffs, looking off to the side. "Oh for the love of..."

>This would take some doing, it seemed. Still, you could handle this. The addition of a third party was confusing at first. But you were pretty sure you could–

>"What's going on out here?"

>That sounded like Twilight. |Exactly| like Twilight. And it came from behind you, while you were actively staring at Rarilestia. You turn around. Twilightlestia is there. A glance back reveals Rarilestia is no longer.

>"Anon, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

>She sounded like Celestia while your eyes were on her. That... shouldn't be. Not even Alicorn magic could do that.

>"I should say not. He seems convinced that everyone he meets is Princess Celestia."

>Again, that was absolutely the voice of Rarity. Were you hearing things, now? Had the inherent absurdity of this universe finally gotten to you? Of all the things you'd seen, was this the place that that finally drove you mad?

>...No, wait, of course. How could you have been so foolish? There was one certain super powerful magical being that not only |could| do things like this, but totally |reveled| in doing so. You call out, ignoring your crowd of a single pony.

"Alright, Discord. Come on out, I know it's you."

>"Discord?" the voice of Rainbow Dash asks, nervous. "He's here?"

>"Well, I wasn't, until you invoked me."

>Things finally on the verge of making sense, you turn towards the source of the masculine voice with a smile.

>Celestia stands there in a shoddily thrown together Discord costume; draconequis parts made of cardboard and felt covering the appropriate limbs. She speaks in a voice trying to be as deep as possible, while still decidedly female. "And honestly, I have no idea what he's going on about either."

>You blink. Then, you give up. In a great release of tension, you fall over flat on your back. The sky above greets you, comforting in it's clarity. Three separate Celestia heads come into your field of view at once, each styled after a different friend.

>"Oh dear, I think we lost him," said Rarilestia.

>"I didn't think he ran into me |that| hard," adds Rainbowlestia.

>"I better go look into some books about magic psychoses," states Twilightlestia.

>You stare past them, focused on the solid, unyielding blue of the sky above. It was absolute in color, uniform in distance. You found yourself wishing that your life made as much sense as the sky.

>...And then, everything came into focus.

You sit up, startling the three of them. "No need, no need. I... think I'm alright now." You rub your eyes a bit.

>"Anon, what was that all about?" Twilight asks.

>"Yeah, dude," Rainbow follows up "You were saying some strange stuff there for a bit."

>"|Very| strange," adds Rarity.

"Yeah, sorry about all that. I think... I think I just wasn't seeing things clearly for a while."

>Twilight gives you another one of those looks. "And you're |sure| you're okay now?"

You look back into the young unicorn's eyes, complete confidence pouring out of your own. "Absolutely."

>This seems sufficient, and she finally smiles back. You clasp your hands together.

"Now then, I think we've got a party to get to, don't we?"

-----

>Light returns to the train car as you emerge from the tunnel. Many awe-inspiring sights are visible from the final approach to Canterlot; the distant, quaint village of Ponyville from whence you came, the ruins of the old castle deep in the Everfree, a field of polished stones near the forest's edge, Cloudsdale floating high above the rest of the world. It makes for an impressive vista, one you find yourself continually surprised by every time you make this trip.

>"It's quite nice, isn't it?"

>You pull yourself away from the window to look at Twilight, sitting across from you. Fluttershy is laying on the seat next to her, napping peacefully. You keep your voice low, so as to not disturb her.

"Yes, it is. I'm glad I could be here to enjoy it."

>Her smile beams back, before she turns back to the window herself. Your eyes wander the cabin, inspecting each of your friends. Rarity is seated next to you, too deep in a romance novel to pay the rest of you any attention. Rainbow lays on a bench across the row, lazing about as usual. Pinkie sits opposite her, excitedly telling a story to Applejack, who listens with honest interest. It's the perfect picture of a beautiful world.

>Twilight rouses you from your thoughts with another question. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to the Princess about?"

>Colors flicker. You think for a moment, returning to the window.

"I don't quite remember. I'm sure it'll come to me when I get there, though."

---

>The luminous halls of Canterlot Castle shine as brightly as the sun outside. The seven of you walk together down the crimson carpet, directing you to the Princess, more radiant than you'd ever seen her. You reach the end of the room, and collectively give a polite bow.

>"Greetings, everypony." begins the Princess of the sun.

>You clear your throat.

>"And Anonyous," she adds with a smile. "What brings you all here this fine day?"

>"Nothing too important, your highness," Twilight responds, "we just wanted to get out of town for a bit, and decided to make a day trip of it up here. Though, I believe Anonymous had something he wanted to speak to you about."

>The diarch looks at you, still bemused, but now moderately curious. "Is that so?"

"Yes. At least, I think so. ...Forgive me, my mind has been cloudy as of late."

>Celestia retains her cheer. "No trouble at all, please, take as much time as you need to collect yourself."

"Thank you, Princess. ...It's just that, I believe my time here may be growing short."

>"Whaddya mean?" Pinkie asks innocently. "Are you going somewhere?"

You form a light grin. "Something like that. Given the circumstances, I thought I should at least come here and give a proper goodbye."

>"Anon, what are you talking about?" Twilight asks. "I don't understand what this is about."

You kneel down to put yourself on eye level with her. "It's alright, I don't expect you to. But trust me when I say, this is something I feel I need to do."

>Reluctantly, she nods, and you stand back up to face the Princess. You close your eyes, and take a deep, long breath.

>"...Anonymous?"

>You open your eyes. The dull, lifeless hall of the castle greets your return. Celestia still sits in her throne, watching you with concern from beneath a disheveled astral mane. You regard her with a smile.

"I don't know what happened to this world, but I wanted you to know something before I left it."

>Silently, you walk forward, ascending the steps to the throne, light clouds of dust kicking up with each step. You stop at the top step, now a mere foot away from the increasingly befuddled princess. For a time, the two of you stand in silence; the solitude of the empty castle all that echoes back.

>"Anonymous, what–"

>You lean forward and embrace the Princess. She is confused at first, but soon accepts it, albeit somewhat reluctantly. You let pass another moment before deciding to speak once more.

"There is always hope. Whatever happens from here on out, remember that. I apologize for not being able to be here as I am. But I hope whatever's left will come through for you in the end."

>Celestia pulls you tighter, any previous apprehension now completely dissolved. The two of you remain this way for some time.

>"Thank you, Anonymous."

>The air burns with sound, and you are whisked away to wherever fate saw fit to send you.